My eyes stopped abruptly when I saw my name, like a fast arrow hitting a bull's-eye.I don't care about the name down, I only care about the grades.I know that my current written test score is number one!It also ranked first in the interview list for the deputy mayor of science and education!This is enough.Also, my elementary school classmate Li Lun is also on the list—the names of the two of us who have suffered together have been published in the party newspaper of G province. When the teachers and folks in my hometown saw it, would they be ecstatic and tell everyone?Yes, I think it will, because Zhudan County, where nine parts are rocks and one part soil, is about to produce two "big officials" Li Lun and Zhang Literary Federation, if they can come out first in the final round of examinations.Just like when these two people rewrote the history of the college entrance examination in Zhudan County and inspired the public by being admitted to a key university, they-our relatives and teachers who are deeply grateful and suffering, will definitely, as in the past, support the upcoming high school and refresh the county official book Blessed children of record!
I got blessings, but the blessings did not come from my relatives and teachers in my hometown, but from the two sisters in the capital of G province, Mi Wei and Mo Xiaoping, who had a close relationship with me.
Their blessings were delivered to me via mobile phone.
——If you want to go to heaven, it is best to be an official; if you want to go to hell, it is best to be an official.Mi Wei
——If you lose your horse, you will never know it is a blessing.Mo Xiaoping
This is not actually a blessing, but a sojourn.The accommodation of the two sisters appeared on my mobile phone one after another, with an interval of less than ten minutes.They gave me two tremors or shakes in ten minutes, which prevented me from being at peace and intoxicated.
At this time, Li Lun and I were drinking in a restaurant, and there was a newspaper announcing the finalists on the table, which was the reason for our gathering.We repeatedly looked at the two familiar names in the newspaper, like looking at two little bees.We imagine that these two bees are flying short and long, entering the field of vision of the government and the people, making our enemies hurt and loved ones happy.I am confident that in this world, I have more relatives than enemies, and more people who love me than hate me.For example, Mi Wei and her sister who texted me, the reason why they warned me and reminded me was because one loved me and the other sympathized with me, although their warnings and reminders made me heavy.
"Who sent you a text message that made you so anxious?" Li Lun asked me seeing that I was silent.
"One you know, one you don't."
Li Lun rolled his eyes and said judgmentally, "Mi Wei?"
"The other is her sister," I said, "who is the attorney representing my wife in her divorce from me, and is on my side morally."
"What text did they send you?"
I thought about it and handed the phone to Li Lun.After Li Lun read it, he said something stupid and deleted it!I held Li Lun's hand and asked for the phone back.I said Li Lun.Li Lun looked at me.I said Li Lun, if you really get promoted, and if I really become an official, we must only do good things and not do bad things, okay?Li Lun glared at me.I said okay?The muscles in his face widened and widened into a big laugh.
I said, "What are you laughing at?"
"You think I'm not going to do something good, do you?"
"Because you did something bad," I said.
"Yes," Li Lun understood what I was referring to, "I slept with Mi Wei, this is indeed a bad thing, she almost killed me."
I pointed to Li Lun who felt innocent, and said, "The reason why you didn't suffer retribution is because I helped you."
Li Lun said: "You brought Mi Wei here to meet me, and it was you who caused our breakup in the end. If you want to say bad things, you have done a lot!"
"That's because I didn't know Mi Wei at the beginning...she's a good girl!"
"Oh, at first you thought that Mi Wei was not a good girl, but a bad girl, so you brought her out and used her to seduce me and corrupt me? You are fucking worse than me!"
"I was forced by you!" I said, "If you don't get stuck in the Dongxi University Science and Technology Park project and don't apply or approve it, why should the school ask me to find you? If you are not greedy for money and sex, why would I bother my students?" Come out to accompany you?"
"You are driven by profit, not by me!" Li Lun pointedly said, "If you are not for the evaluation of professors, you will not obey the school's assignment! If you are not for the eagerness to go abroad, you will not be willing to dedicate yourself student!"
"You fart!" I became angry from embarrassment, grabbed Li Lun, and waited for Li Lun to refuse, so that I could punch him.
But Li Lun didn't make a move. He held his chest high and held his head high, and said, "You beat me, because of a chick, you actually want to beat me? You can beat me, it doesn't matter, I won't fight back, because I still treat you like a brother .If I didn't treat you as a brother, and I didn't look at your face, the Dongxi University Science and Technology Park project would not be approved until now. You divorced your wife in the end and couldn't leave the country. These problems and results are all because of you Cause, because you are stupid. Because, you fell in love with Mi Wei!"
I finally delivered a fierce punch, because Li Lun's insults made me more impulsive than fighting back.
Li Lun got up from the ground and wiped his broken lips.He looked at his bloody finger, used it to pick up the newspaper on the table, held it up in front of me, and said, "Before 110 arrives, we'd better make up and leave immediately, because I think the owner of the restaurant has already reported Police. Otherwise, there will be such a social news in tomorrow's newspapers that two people who were elected to the hall and official restaurant had a big fight, just because they fought for a beautiful friend and turned against each other."
My first reaction was to withdraw the excess money from my wallet, ask the waiter to take it, and said that I don't need to change it.Then I grabbed Li Lun's hand and pulled him out of the restaurant.
Not far from the restaurant, we saw a police car approaching and stopping at the entrance of the restaurant.Two policemen wearing "110" armbands jumped out of the car and strode into the restaurant.The police lights on the police car were still flickering, and the sharp light shone on us.
We ran away with our heads in our hands.
I sat in the very center of the examination room, right in front of me was the seat of the review committee, and I counted a total of seven.Behind me was a group of observers consisting of leaders of the units participating in the public election, specifically the leaders of the Ningyang Municipal Government, including Mayor Jiang Chunwen, whom I had seen on TV.There are also timekeepers, scorekeepers, scorekeepers and guides on the side of the examination room. No matter how I look at it, it looks like I am in court. The director of the judging committee presided over the questioning, and he sat upright, like a chief judge. "As the saying goes, it's hard to know people, but it's even harder to know friends. How do you think you stand out in this public election written test? The time is 3 minutes." The director of the review committee asked me. I think this is a question that every candidate faces when they go to the examination room, and now it is my turn to answer. Without thinking about it, I said: "I won the first place in this public election written test. To be honest, I didn't expect it. I even thought I might be the last one, because my The answer sheet is full of harsh or sharp views and discussions. Although I believe that my views and discussions are objective and constructive, and are expressions of my long-term experience, worries and thoughts, they still appear to be 'inappropriate' because I I was taking the examination of the bureaucrat, and it was a climb for my personal future. But after I read the questions, I had forgotten that I was taking the exam, and I forgot to think about my own future. I even forgot who I am? I I only know to tell the truth, the truth, and not empty words, stereotypes, and lies. I didn’t expect that my test paper without empty words, stereotypes, and falsehoods would get high marks, and I would be the first in this public election written test. I think The most important reason is that the organizers of the public election were careless and enlightened, and the reviewers were magnanimous and insightful, which made dissidents like me stand out. End of answer.” I looked at the judges in front of me, capturing their expressions and reactions.I saw them looking at each other in blank dismay, and some whispered to each other, as if they wanted to know their attitude towards what I just said from the eyes and mouth of each other.At last their eyes turned to me again. The director of the review committee looked at a piece of paper in his hand and continued to question me. "The next question, these are two questions," he said, "'Sitting in the arms and not messing around' is an idiom that describes a man's noble character in the relationship between the sexes. It comes from an allusion. Do you know such an allusion? In various In the face of temptation, some people can't control themselves and fall into the "gentle trap". There are many such examples in reality. For example, Lai Changxing, the principal criminal of Xiamen's "Yuanhua" case, has a "temptation classic": not afraid of leading cadres It’s hard to make friends because I’m afraid that the leading cadres don’t have hobbies. In his opinion, this “hobby” is sensuality and horses. So those who love things will give you luxury houses and famous cars; I will give you delicacies, fine wines, delicacies from mountains and seas; if you like to play, I will let you enter the casino and enter the red building. Sure enough, his "temptation classic" is really effective. In the face of this "gentle trap", some leading cadres were defeated. If you take up a leadership position in the future and encounter a 'gentle trap', how do you deal with it, so that you can 'sit in your arms'? It won't take more than five minutes." After listening to the questioning of the director of the judging committee, I laughed because I wanted to laugh.Liu Xiahui could sit still all night, but I was only asked for five minutes. I heard many of the observers behind me laughing too. "In the Spring and Autumn Period, there was a famous sage named Liu Xiahui," I said with a restrained smile, ""Xunzi Dalue" recorded such a story about him: Liu Xiahui stayed overnight at the city gate, and a woman came because she couldn't find a place to go. Asking for a place to stay, Liu was afraid that she would freeze to death, so she untied her clothes and hugged her in her arms. She remained unmoved all night, and did not do any indecent behavior. This is where the idiom "sitting in the arms will not mess up" comes from." "About the question of how leading cadres should deal with the 'trap of gentleness' and how to 'sit in their arms without chaos'," I continued to answer, "First of all, I thought that 'sleeping in arms without chaos' was a myth, and Liu Xiahui was acting as a A moral role model passed on to future generations, to some extent, it reflects the hypocrisy of our gender culture. Any normal man, in such a state of embracing and sleeping, will have normal physiological reactions and psychology Reaction. Maybe Liu Xiahui is indeed a superman, but how can superman’s behavior be regarded as the standard for all living beings? Leading cadres are also human beings, and they also eat human fireworks and grains. It is normal to have the seven emotions and six desires, but not abnormal. Every leading cadre has reached the life state of "sit in one's arms without chaos" and become a superman like Liu Xiahui. I don't think anyone can do it, at least I can't do it." I paused, looked at the director of the judging committee and other judges, and found that their faces were expressionless.At the same time, I noticed that the people behind me who laughed just now stopped laughing. "However, I can avoid sitting in the arms. If sitting in the arms is not an inevitable choice." I lived alone in a house at the foot of the mountain. On a stormy night, a very beautiful woman went to hide from the rain. Lu Nanzi refused behind closed doors. The beautiful woman said, as long as you follow Liu Xiahui, What are you afraid of? Lu Nanzi explained, "Liu Xiahui can do it, but I can't. I will not learn from Liu Xiahui's." What Lu Nanzi said is that Liu Xiahui can stay calm , I can't do it, so I won't let you sit in my arms, and it can also achieve the effect of Liu Xiahui's unruly. This Lu Nanzi is quite self-aware, because he is afraid that lonely men and widows will be distracted and make a fool of themselves. For deviance, we use closed doors as the method of sticking to it. If our leading cadres can have a self-knowledge of "I can't be firm" like Lu Nanzi, when encountering a "gentle trap", we might as well follow Lu Nanzi's example The method of avoiding, stay away from those temptations, the heart is hard, the soles of the feet take root, please don't go, pull, and achieve "the desire is also strong", which is also commendable, and this is undoubtedly a true state. End of answer .” I looked at the people sitting on the judging committee again, like a defendant who made a final statement for himself, looking eagerly at the judge on the trial bench.I saw them all stupid. Those judges—scholars and experts who were selected by the organization department from unknown units to serve as referees are all stunned now, as if they were all beaten by someone and got a concussion.Who else could be the one who severely wounded these elite figures? I think I'm done. I left the examination room with a feeling of remorse. This is the first time I have regretted the exam since I was a child, although I am very satisfied with my answers.But the judges were dissatisfied, as could be seen from their expressions.They did not score on the spot, perhaps to save face for me.When I left the examination room, I looked back at Mayor Jiang Chunwen who was sitting in the auditorium. He was looking at me with burning eyes.I am still disheartened, thinking to my respected Mayor Jiang, no matter how you look at me, I will never be your deputy. When I was having dinner with Li Lun in the evening, I talked about the interview situation, focusing on describing the expressions of the judges after I finished answering.They froze there like idiots, I said.Li Lun said that your mistake is to treat the judges as fools.I said I didn't.Li Lun said that you are a fool, how can you deny Liu Xiahui?That's a saint!I said a saint without emotions and desires, I don't want him to be a model for leading cadres of the Communist Party. "Either Liu Xiahui is impotent, or the woman sitting in his arms must be old and ugly," Li Lun said, "Unless this is the case, it will be possible to sit still." "Did you say that in front of the judges?" "I'm not as stupid as you," Li Lun said, "Besides, they didn't test me on this question." I looked at Li Lun, "So, you are sure to win." Li Lun smiled and remained silent. I raised my wine glass, "Congratulations! Vice Mayor Li!" "It's not that you haven't become one yet," Li Lun said, looking around, "Keep your voice down, be modest and prudent." "Congratulations," I whispered, motioning for Li Lun to toast me. Li Lun stared at me, "You drink this cup first." "why?" Li Lun pointed to the bruise on his lips, "You haven't apologized to me for this yet." I haven't forgotten that I called Li Lun a week ago. "You should fight." "My mouth has been swollen for several days. I can't eat any food and drink only cold water. Do you know? Fortunately, it disappeared in time," Li Lun wiped his mouth, "Otherwise, my mouth would not be able to coax the judges today Your punch almost ruined my career, you know?" "Okay, I apologize, I drink!" I drank the wine. "It's not worth it for us two brothers to fight over a girl." Li Lun and I exchanged a few glasses of wine and said, "Mi Wei is actually a chicken." I stared at Li Lun. "Do you want to be beaten again?"
I told Mi Wei that I would neither go to heaven nor go to hell. I told her by text message on my mobile phone, in the dead of night. Mi Wei quickly texted back. —Okay, then come to me. ——Where is your place? — neither heaven nor hell. ——I know, it’s the world. ——Unit 701, Unit 2, Building 3, No. 22, Minsheng Road. --are you alone? ——When you come, there are only two of you. - I feel like I'm a failure right now. ——Because you failed the exam? —I think so. ——In my mind, you will always be the best man. ——what are you doing now? --Miss you. —I drank a lot today. ——Then I feel more at ease. --why? —Wine strengthens your courage. - what guts?Sexy? --do you have? --I have got. ——Then you come. ——I really come? ——If you are a man, you will come. ——Aren't you afraid of my promiscuity? ——I'm afraid you don't dare. Mi Wei is teasing me, stimulating me. --You wait. I jumped up from the bed and walked out the door. I ran out of the university campus like a lunatic, and like a gangster stopped a passing taxi.I pointed my phone at the driver's forehead, like pointing a pistol at him. "Send me to this place." I pointed to the address Mi Wei left on the phone screen and said. The driver looked at the address, looked at me, and let me get in the car.I thought I looked like a gangster, but the driver didn't see it that way.There have always been gangsters who hijacked cars and left the city. How could gangsters hijack cars and enter the city?My current destination is the city, and my target is Mi Wei—a girl who still thinks about me and is thought about by me in the middle of the night. Along the way, Mi Wei and I kept texting each other. — have you gone out? —Yes, on the way. ——Come here from college? --yes. ——You can reach me in 30 minutes, if there is no traffic jam. ——It’s late at night, so there’s no traffic. --Are you OK? —You want me to do something? —I hope you keep your guts enough to come to me. ——Don't worry, I drank eighteen glasses of wine tonight, and now it looks like Wu Song is going to Jingyanggang. ——Then I am the tiger waiting to be subdued by Wu Song. --You wait. --I am waiting. - I'll come too! Mi Wei didn't reply, and I stopped texting her.All words are superfluous now, only action is needed.I have acted.A taxi has taken me into town.The tall buildings lined up are like towering mountains, passing by one by one.The night wind was blowing, hitting my face and body from the window, and I felt a chill from my forehead to the soles of my feet.Jingyanggang is just ahead, not far from me. But at this time I was timid.I stopped the taxi and turned around. On the way back to college, I turned off my phone. The next day, when I turned on my phone, a dozen unread text messages popped up. ——Why haven't you arrived yet? (01:20) --Where are you? (01:30) --What happened? (02:01) ——Why shut down? (02:07) ——Are you here or not? (02:30) ——You lied to me, Zhang Literary Federation! (03:00) —Silver wax gun head, you are not a man! (03:02) ... Text messages are like caterpillars, crawling out one by one, and I delete them one by one because they make my hair stand on end.I am a coward, a coward, a silver-headed gun, a giant of words, a dwarf of action, a liar, a hypocrite--all descriptions fit me, and fit.Once again I hurt a girl who started loving me in my sophomore year of college because I didn't get to have sex with her.I admit that I love her too, but love someone but don't make love to her, what kind of love is this?I don't know, and can't generalize.I am in vain as an associate professor at a university.I'm not a man, Mi Wei is right, absolutely right. I replied to her last text message in Mi Wei: I'm sorry, I passed out drunk before reaching my destination.
I sat in the very center of the examination room, right in front of me was the seat of the review committee, and I counted a total of seven.Behind me was a group of observers consisting of leaders of the units participating in the public election, specifically the leaders of the Ningyang Municipal Government, including Mayor Jiang Chunwen, whom I had seen on TV.There are also timekeepers, scorekeepers, scorekeepers and guides on the side of the examination room. No matter how I look at it, it looks like I am in court. The director of the judging committee presided over the questioning, and he sat upright, like a chief judge. "As the saying goes, it's hard to know people, but it's even harder to know friends. How do you think you stand out in this public election written test? The time is 3 minutes." The director of the review committee asked me. I think this is a question that every candidate faces when they go to the examination room, and now it is my turn to answer. Without thinking about it, I said: "I won the first place in this public election written test. To be honest, I didn't expect it. I even thought I might be the last one, because my The answer sheet is full of harsh or sharp views and discussions. Although I believe that my views and discussions are objective and constructive, and are expressions of my long-term experience, worries and thoughts, they still appear to be 'inappropriate' because I I was taking the examination of the bureaucrat, and it was a climb for my personal future. But after I read the questions, I had forgotten that I was taking the exam, and I forgot to think about my own future. I even forgot who I am? I I only know to tell the truth, the truth, and not empty words, stereotypes, and lies. I didn’t expect that my test paper without empty words, stereotypes, and falsehoods would get high marks, and I would be the first in this public election written test. I think The most important reason is that the organizers of the public election were careless and enlightened, and the reviewers were magnanimous and insightful, which made dissidents like me stand out. End of answer.” I looked at the judges in front of me, capturing their expressions and reactions.I saw them looking at each other in blank dismay, and some whispered to each other, as if they wanted to know their attitude towards what I just said from the eyes and mouth of each other.At last their eyes turned to me again. The director of the review committee looked at a piece of paper in his hand and continued to question me. "The next question, these are two questions," he said, "'Sitting in the arms and not messing around' is an idiom that describes a man's noble character in the relationship between the sexes. It comes from an allusion. Do you know such an allusion? In various In the face of temptation, some people can't control themselves and fall into the "gentle trap". There are many such examples in reality. For example, Lai Changxing, the principal criminal of Xiamen's "Yuanhua" case, has a "temptation classic": not afraid of leading cadres It’s hard to make friends because I’m afraid that the leading cadres don’t have hobbies. In his opinion, this “hobby” is sensuality and horses. So those who love things will give you luxury houses and famous cars; I will give you delicacies, fine wines, delicacies from mountains and seas; if you like to play, I will let you enter the casino and enter the red building. Sure enough, his "temptation classic" is really effective. In the face of this "gentle trap", some leading cadres were defeated. If you take up a leadership position in the future and encounter a 'gentle trap', how do you deal with it, so that you can 'sit in your arms'? It won't take more than five minutes." After listening to the questioning of the director of the judging committee, I laughed because I wanted to laugh.Liu Xiahui could sit still all night, but I was only asked for five minutes. I heard many of the observers behind me laughing too. "In the Spring and Autumn Period, there was a famous sage named Liu Xiahui," I said with a restrained smile, ""Xunzi Dalue" recorded such a story about him: Liu Xiahui stayed overnight at the city gate, and a woman came because she couldn't find a place to go. Asking for a place to stay, Liu was afraid that she would freeze to death, so she untied her clothes and hugged her in her arms. She remained unmoved all night, and did not do any indecent behavior. This is where the idiom "sitting in the arms will not mess up" comes from." "About the question of how leading cadres should deal with the 'trap of gentleness' and how to 'sit in their arms without chaos'," I continued to answer, "First of all, I thought that 'sleeping in arms without chaos' was a myth, and Liu Xiahui was acting as a A moral role model passed on to future generations, to some extent, it reflects the hypocrisy of our gender culture. Any normal man, in such a state of embracing and sleeping, will have normal physiological reactions and psychology Reaction. Maybe Liu Xiahui is indeed a superman, but how can superman’s behavior be regarded as the standard for all living beings? Leading cadres are also human beings, and they also eat human fireworks and grains. It is normal to have the seven emotions and six desires, but not abnormal. Every leading cadre has reached the life state of "sit in one's arms without chaos" and become a superman like Liu Xiahui. I don't think anyone can do it, at least I can't do it." I paused, looked at the director of the judging committee and other judges, and found that their faces were expressionless.At the same time, I noticed that the people behind me who laughed just now stopped laughing. "However, I can avoid sitting in the arms. If sitting in the arms is not an inevitable choice." I lived alone in a house at the foot of the mountain. On a stormy night, a very beautiful woman went to hide from the rain. Lu Nanzi refused behind closed doors. The beautiful woman said, as long as you follow Liu Xiahui, What are you afraid of? Lu Nanzi explained, "Liu Xiahui can do it, but I can't. I will not learn from Liu Xiahui's." What Lu Nanzi said is that Liu Xiahui can stay calm , I can't do it, so I won't let you sit in my arms, and it can also achieve the effect of Liu Xiahui's unruly. This Lu Nanzi is quite self-aware, because he is afraid that lonely men and widows will be distracted and make a fool of themselves. For deviance, we use closed doors as the method of sticking to it. If our leading cadres can have a self-knowledge of "I can't be firm" like Lu Nanzi, when encountering a "gentle trap", we might as well follow Lu Nanzi's example The method of avoiding, stay away from those temptations, the heart is hard, the soles of the feet take root, please don't go, pull, and achieve "the desire is also strong", which is also commendable, and this is undoubtedly a true state. End of answer .” I looked at the people sitting on the judging committee again, like a defendant who made a final statement for himself, looking eagerly at the judge on the trial bench.I saw them all stupid. Those judges—scholars and experts who were selected by the organization department from unknown units to serve as referees are all stunned now, as if they were all beaten by someone and got a concussion.Who else could be the one who severely wounded these elite figures? I think I'm done. I left the examination room with a feeling of remorse. This is the first time I have regretted the exam since I was a child, although I am very satisfied with my answers.But the judges were dissatisfied, as could be seen from their expressions.They did not score on the spot, perhaps to save face for me.When I left the examination room, I looked back at Mayor Jiang Chunwen who was sitting in the auditorium. He was looking at me with burning eyes.I am still disheartened, thinking to my respected Mayor Jiang, no matter how you look at me, I will never be your deputy. When I was having dinner with Li Lun in the evening, I talked about the interview situation, focusing on describing the expressions of the judges after I finished answering.They froze there like idiots, I said.Li Lun said that your mistake is to treat the judges as fools.I said I didn't.Li Lun said that you are a fool, how can you deny Liu Xiahui?That's a saint!I said a saint without emotions and desires, I don't want him to be a model for leading cadres of the Communist Party. "Either Liu Xiahui is impotent, or the woman sitting in his arms must be old and ugly," Li Lun said, "Unless this is the case, it will be possible to sit still." "Did you say that in front of the judges?" "I'm not as stupid as you," Li Lun said, "Besides, they didn't test me on this question." I looked at Li Lun, "So, you are sure to win." Li Lun smiled and remained silent. I raised my wine glass, "Congratulations! Vice Mayor Li!" "It's not that you haven't become one yet," Li Lun said, looking around, "Keep your voice down, be modest and prudent." "Congratulations," I whispered, motioning for Li Lun to toast me. Li Lun stared at me, "You drink this cup first." "why?" Li Lun pointed to the bruise on his lips, "You haven't apologized to me for this yet." I haven't forgotten that I called Li Lun a week ago. "You should fight." "My mouth has been swollen for several days. I can't eat any food and drink only cold water. Do you know? Fortunately, it disappeared in time," Li Lun wiped his mouth, "Otherwise, my mouth would not be able to coax the judges today Your punch almost ruined my career, you know?" "Okay, I apologize, I drink!" I drank the wine. "It's not worth it for us two brothers to fight over a girl." Li Lun and I exchanged a few glasses of wine and said, "Mi Wei is actually a chicken." I stared at Li Lun. "Do you want to be beaten again?"
I told Mi Wei that I would neither go to heaven nor go to hell. I told her by text message on my mobile phone, in the dead of night. Mi Wei quickly texted back. —Okay, then come to me. ——Where is your place? — neither heaven nor hell. ——I know, it’s the world. ——Unit 701, Unit 2, Building 3, No. 22, Minsheng Road. --are you alone? ——When you come, there are only two of you. - I feel like I'm a failure right now. ——Because you failed the exam? —I think so. ——In my mind, you will always be the best man. ——what are you doing now? --Miss you. —I drank a lot today. ——Then I feel more at ease. --why? —Wine strengthens your courage. - what guts?Sexy? --do you have? --I have got. ——Then you come. ——I really come? ——If you are a man, you will come. ——Aren't you afraid of my promiscuity? ——I'm afraid you don't dare. Mi Wei is teasing me, stimulating me. --You wait. I jumped up from the bed and walked out the door. I ran out of the university campus like a lunatic, and like a gangster stopped a passing taxi.I pointed my phone at the driver's forehead, like pointing a pistol at him. "Send me to this place." I pointed to the address Mi Wei left on the phone screen and said. The driver looked at the address, looked at me, and let me get in the car.I thought I looked like a gangster, but the driver didn't see it that way.There have always been gangsters who hijacked cars and left the city. How could gangsters hijack cars and enter the city?My current destination is the city, and my target is Mi Wei—a girl who still thinks about me and is thought about by me in the middle of the night. Along the way, Mi Wei and I kept texting each other. — have you gone out? —Yes, on the way. ——Come here from college? --yes. ——You can reach me in 30 minutes, if there is no traffic jam. ——It’s late at night, so there’s no traffic. --Are you OK? —You want me to do something? —I hope you keep your guts enough to come to me. ——Don't worry, I drank eighteen glasses of wine tonight, and now it looks like Wu Song is going to Jingyanggang. ——Then I am the tiger waiting to be subdued by Wu Song. --You wait. --I am waiting. - I'll come too! Mi Wei didn't reply, and I stopped texting her.All words are superfluous now, only action is needed.I have acted.A taxi has taken me into town.The tall buildings lined up are like towering mountains, passing by one by one.The night wind was blowing, hitting my face and body from the window, and I felt a chill from my forehead to the soles of my feet.Jingyanggang is just ahead, not far from me. But at this time I was timid.I stopped the taxi and turned around. On the way back to college, I turned off my phone. The next day, when I turned on my phone, a dozen unread text messages popped up. ——Why haven't you arrived yet? (01:20) --Where are you? (01:30) --What happened? (02:01) ——Why shut down? (02:07) ——Are you here or not? (02:30) ——You lied to me, Zhang Literary Federation! (03:00) —Silver wax gun head, you are not a man! (03:02) ... Text messages are like caterpillars, crawling out one by one, and I delete them one by one because they make my hair stand on end.I am a coward, a coward, a silver-headed gun, a giant of words, a dwarf of action, a liar, a hypocrite--all descriptions fit me, and fit.Once again I hurt a girl who started loving me in my sophomore year of college because I didn't get to have sex with her.I admit that I love her too, but love someone but don't make love to her, what kind of love is this?I don't know, and can't generalize.I am in vain as an associate professor at a university.I'm not a man, Mi Wei is right, absolutely right. I replied to her last text message in Mi Wei: I'm sorry, I passed out drunk before reaching my destination.