Chapter 4 4

Back in the dormitory, I made a cup of hot milk tea and put it on the table, but didn't drink it.What kept ringing in her ears was Yijun's disdainful voice saying that I was a third party, and what appeared in front of her eyes was her disdainful eyes. After being in a daze for more than an hour, I turned on the computer, intending to bury myself in my homework, but after sitting for less than half an hour, I couldn't bear to get up and walk around the room, feeling that I had lost my balance. I walked to the window with a little tiredness. It was raining heavily. Looking at the street lamps of the township office looming in the heavy rain, listening to the sound of rain that could wash away the heavy and depressed, and smelling the fresh air, I felt a little bit better. better.

By the way, it's almost 9 o'clock in the evening, and I haven't had dinner yet, so I took an umbrella and went downstairs.The rain was so heavy that almost all the food vendors on the street closed early, so I had to go to 7-11 to buy some hot food to satisfy my hunger. Not wanting to go back to the dormitory, I walked to the already soaked bench in the township office and sat down. In fact, holding an umbrella now is almost the same as not holding an umbrella. My lower body is almost soaked.I had just finished eating when a gust of wind blew and the umbrella flew out without being grasped firmly.My face was wet by the rain, so it was very comfortable to be in the rain... I closed my eyes and turned my face upwards, accepting the baptism of the heavy rain to my heart's content.

I don't know why, but I thought of the night I ran into Ah Wen here.It's strange, Ah Wen is no longer the person who disturbs my mind, because I only have one thought, I hope Ah Wen can be happy, and the only person who can make him happy is Ruolan, no one else can replace him. I don't know when I let go of Ah Wen, and I don't care about everything about him anymore?Is it because seeing Shao Ping again and confirming that he is only empathizing with Ah Wen?Or that Huang Zijie who always makes me uneasy and who likes to disturb my pace of life inadvertently?I'm such a complete fool that I keep forgetting that these two are famous.I think, I already know who is the person who made me let go of Ah Wen, but I am not going to admit this answer, because everything will be fruitless.

After facing all the fearful doubts and sins in my heart, I want to drink hot milk tea.The rain slapped on my face and I couldn't open my eyes. I simply closed my eyes and looked for the cold hot milk tea by the chair. After all, I still needed it to conclude and warm the melancholy in my heart. I tried to open the pull ring but couldn't do it. The hot milk tea was suddenly taken away. I managed to open my sore eyes that were hit by the rain.Huang Zijie, who also didn't have an umbrella, held my hot milk tea, squatted in front of me and said with a smile: "It's raining so hard, aren't you afraid that you'll drink more milk tea?" He always came to my world lightly, with a little voice nothing.I stared at him in a daze, wondering if he should also be called an angel.

He got up and sat next to me: "Hey, you guy who is sick all day long, you shouldn't be in the rain." He pulled the buckle of the hot milk tea and handed it to me. I took it and said unconvinced: "You A guy who is likely to fall down at any time, shouldn't be idle to accompany others in the rain." He laughed, and I turned my head to look at his crooked smiling eyes, and my heart hit hard with a "thump". Huang Zijie also closed his eyes and raised his head to let the rain wet his face just like me just now. I was not as comfortable as I was alone just now, and my hands were restlessly placed near my knees and thighs. "It's so capricious. I've been ruined by you. If you don't hold on tight to your girlfriend, don't cry when someone snatches her away." I said casually. "You mean that boy? I saw Yijun walking with him on the road today, heh." "Oh, aren't you angry?" I asked provocatively. "My heart is not good, so I can't be too emotional, heh." He smiled wryly.

The first time I heard Huang Zijie admit that he has a bad heart, I was inexplicably sad, and suddenly remembered that I had never seen him fluctuate greatly. It turned out that he was controlling himself.My cell phone rang suddenly, it was Meifen calling. "Where are you? I got off work early today, and Yidong said he was going to Taoyuan City for supper, now I'll pick you up." "I'm at the bench at the township office." "Huh? You're getting wet in the rain. What are you doing?" Ah, go back quickly, Yidong and I are coming to your house soon, that’s it, bye”

Huang Zijie opened his eyes, looked back at me with a smile and said, "You're always like this, so I can't worry about it." I stood up and pretended to be disdainful and said, "I, I...I'm not yours, why don't you worry? No more? Do you know how much I am nervous? Just don’t make me a third party who destroys others.” He didn’t answer for a while, so I slowly started walking back to the dormitory, wanting to cry.Maybe if I say one more word, I'm going to break down... The rain was still the same, Huang Zijie took my empty milk tea can from behind, walked up to me and looked at me seriously. "I understand," he said, holding up the hot milk tea to me, "I know you love to drink hot milk tea; I know you don't want to repeat the same mistakes as you did two years ago; I know you keep everything in your heart; I know you love to be brave ;I know you are not strong enough and need someone to take care of you; I know..." From his calm tone, I received Huang Zijie's excited emotions for the first time.It turned out that he knew everything, including my past with Shaoping Xiaoru.Huang Zijie hugged me tightly in the rain, and said in a trembling voice: "If possible, I hope I can be your hot milk tea. So, please don't wait any longer..." Tears of reason followed his words. Collapsed, I hugged him hard and cried hard.

At first he patted my back lightly, and then he patted me more and more slowly...Suddenly, his body fell on my shoulder as if he had lost his center of gravity. I fell to the ground and Huang Zijie fell beside me.God what happened? Huang Zijie, with a pale face, lay down in the rain in pain, his right hand clutching the clothes on his chest. "Huang Zijie? Huang Zijie" I pulled his upper body into my arms and quickly took out his pockets, only to find that he hadn't brought any medicine with him when he went out. It's too bad. At this time, a white van turned into the township office, and it was Yidong and Meifen. "Mei Fen!" I yelled, and Yidong ran over first and saw Huang Zijie's painful expression that could hardly breathe. He picked up Huang Zijie and put him on the car, and Mei Fen and I also got into the car together.

Huang Zijie's breath was weak, although he was right beside me, I felt so far away from him.It was all my fault, if I hadn't been so bored and ran out to get wet in the rain; if I hadn't forced him to catch up and express his feelings excitedly, it wouldn't have happened... As soon as the car arrived at Chang Gung Hospital, Huang Zijie, who was almost unconscious, was carefully carried onto a stretcher, and the nurse hurried forward to measure his blood pressure and pulse.I have been sent to the emergency department several times, and I have never seen the emergency nurses so nervous at night. The nurses who whispered to each other frowned and said that they should be treated urgently before calling the cardiologist upstairs.

I can't take my eyes off Huang Zijie, this big boy with a warm smile, it doesn't matter if he is a dude, glib, or a fool, as long as he can get back to his original state, I don't care about anything else . "Are you family members? If not, please inform the family members to come and go through the hospitalization procedures and pay the bill first." The nurse took Huang Zijie's temperature and left. I hurriedly took out Huang Zijie's pocket, there was only a mobile phone, what should I do?Meifen took the mobile phone to check the list of friends in the phone book. After seeing the word "Dad" written in it, she said, "I'll go out and call his dad. You stay here and take care of him."

I stared at Huang Zijie in a daze, and suddenly remembered the first time I met him at the door of the house, "Sorry... I didn't bring the key... Ah, what's wrong with you? Why are you sitting on the ground?" "Hello... Hold up an umbrella next time. Otherwise, I won’t be able to recover from the cold. Also, don’t sit on the ground again.” The pain and sadness surged up, my tear glands are really developed tonight. "The patient has a congenital heart disease. Fortunately, I just found out his medical records and the usual medicines. His condition is relatively stable. You should go through the hospitalization procedures first, and ask the cardiologist for diagnosis tomorrow." A man wearing glasses The young doctor said while holding a data booklet.Just as he said that, two or three doctors came over and said, "Send him back now." "His ward is in Q504, please push him up first." What happened?How many doctors say different things? At this time, Meifen came back from outside and patted me on the shoulder and said, "Xiao Hua, I can't get in touch with—" I interrupted her: "Those doctors don't know what they are doing. I will say that I will send it back first." "Xiaohua, listen to me first. I can't contact his parents, but I contacted his younger brother. He said that Huang Zijie ran out of the hospital without authorization. His parents didn't know. He came here now." No way , I was speechless in a daze... After a whole night of tossing, Huang Zijie's condition has stabilized, but he hasn't woken up yet. "Xiaohua, do you know that Huang Zijie has a heart attack?" Yidong asked me, I nodded and didn't speak.At this time, the voices of a nurse and a boy came from outside the door, and the door of the ward opened at the same time.In addition to the nurse we saw just now, we also saw a boy walk in. The nurse took him to the hospital bed to visit Huang Zijie. He gently touched Huang Zijie's forehead with the back of his hand, and then lightly pressed Huang Zijie's hand for about half a minute, as if he was measuring his pulse.Soon he turned to the nurse and smiled and said, "It's fine, it's stable. Thank you." "You sent my brother here? Thank you." The boy turned around and looked at us with a smile.my brother?He is Huang Zijie's younger brother? "You are Huang Ziyang?" Meifen stood up and asked.He nodded with a smile, and looked at his brother again. "My parents don't know about it yet. I've been looking for him all day today. I just came back from the United States, so I don't know where he will go." His calm conversation was very poised, a bit Unlike Huang Zijie's younger brother. "When was Huang Zijie admitted to the hospital?" Meifen glanced at me who had been stunned for a long time, and then asked a little mysteriously. "Well, more than two weeks ago. In fact, he ran out of the hospital once before, but he came back soon. I don't know where he got wet, and the corners of his mouth were still bleeding." When Huang Ziyang said this, I thought of Xia About Yunping.And Yidong suddenly stood up and said, "I'll go out for a while." Meifen looked at Huang Ziyang and asked, "What about after that?" "My parents couldn't do anything about it. No matter how we asked, he always smiled and said: 'It's okay.' But after that, he asked me to buy a bouquet of yellow roses every three days." "After that, he didn't Reading is just staring at the yellow rose in a daze." After Huang Ziyang finished speaking, Mei Fen also got up and walked to the hospital bed. "Xiaohua, I think I misunderstood Huang Zijie." Mei Fen, who could hear the understanding, was extremely sad, and tears rolled in my eyes. Seeing Meifen's sad expression, Huang Ziyang smiled and said: "My brother is informal, he doesn't like to hear bad things, he has been like this since he was a child, huh. Don't worry too much about it." I think "picking up words" is what the two brothers are most like, avoiding harsh words that hurt others, and then gently forgiving all people and things, even if the world is not fair to them. "Hmm..." Huang Zijie's hand twitched suddenly, his eyes slightly opened towards me, and he still smiled at me gently. Looking at Huang Zijie's smile through the oxygen mask, I also smiled with tears in my eyes... When I opened the door, I saw Huang Zijie's face that didn't like porridge. I thought it was funny.With a spoon in his hand, Huang Zijie seemed to be hesitating whether to take a bite of porridge. He pursed his lips childishly and said to the nurse beside him, "I hate white porridge." The nurse smiled like a big sister and said, "No, Your body can’t eat too stimulating food.” He just finished complaining when he saw me coming in, so he sat on the hospital bed and looked at me with a smile, “Oh? Miss, you went to the wrong ward.” Four days have passed, and from the extent of Huang Zijie's playful smile, I judge that he is much better.I sat on the chair beside the hospital bed, looked at the thin porridge in his bowl, and honestly felt a little sympathetic to him.This guy who didn't have much meat in the first place seemed to be a lot haggard this time. "Mefen will come later, she said she is going to do some shopping first, are you alone?" I observed Huang Zijie's expression and said. "Ziyang was called by the doctor just now, he should be back soon." Huang Zijie scooped up the white porridge with a spoon and put it down, and after a while he sneaked a sneaky look at me. "Why are you thinking about it? You are sick and not honest, your mind is full of strange things" I broke him down. "Oh, I thought you were going to say you were in love with me—hehe." I knew he would do it again, always so glib. "Crazy ghosts are in love with you. Hmm... Are you feeling better? Are you breathing well?" He kept smiling and nodding, not sure if he was really happy or just pretending. "Do you want to inform Yijun?" I asked.He glanced at me suspiciously, took a sip of porridge and said, "Yeah? Why?" Did he really break up with Yijun?Seeing him drink the disgusting white porridge can be more or less understood, and I don't intend to continue asking. "Don't you think you're messy?" Even though he was a patient, I couldn't help but want to preach.All the pictures and details of that night are clearly imprinted in my mind, which is really hard to forget.He shrugged his shoulders as if to shirk responsibility and said, "There is no way, some people like to make people worry." "Hey, hey, who is worrying now? Who is lying on the hospital bed?" I couldn't help but yelled loudly, really inexplicable. "It's Huang Zijie, not hello." He stuck out his tongue giggle. Just when he was about to continue preaching to him, the door was suddenly pushed open. "Hehe, Ziyang?" Huang Ziyang, he came in with a bouquet of yellow roses, which made me a little embarrassed, but Meifen also appeared together. "We met at the elevator entrance. I just bought a drink downstairs, do you want a drink?" Meifen said with a smile, and raised the drink in the plastic bag of 7-11 in her hand. It felt like Meifen's eyes were red, did something happen?Huang Ziyang walked up to me and said with a smile, "I saw her rubbing her eyes just now, as if sand had run into it. But I just checked for her, and she shouldn't be infected by bacteria." Huang Ziyang's tone of voice was a bit ABC The taste, and it feels like a medical student.Meffin smiled and nodded in agreement, walked to the sofa chair and sat down. "Ziyang, when will I be discharged from the hospital?" Huang Zijie raised his head and asked, and Huang Ziyang put away his smiling face and patted him on the shoulder and said, "Brother, you have been hospitalized twice and made it so bad. Do you think the doctor will let me go?" Are you out of the hospital?" "Besides, Dad will return home early tonight, and Mom will follow. You have to be mentally prepared." Huang Zijie seemed to sink when he heard the word "Dad". "Dad might..." Before Ziyang could finish speaking, Huang Zijie added: "I know my body..." When he looked up at Ziyang, the corners of his slightly raised mouth showed mixed feelings . "...I should go, the graduation project has to catch up with the schedule." I said suddenly, and Meifen nodded and wanted to go with me. "I'll drive you back to Guishan." Zi Yang picked up the car keys on the small cabinet. "Miss, I have something to tell you." Huang Zijie, who was sitting on the hospital bed, looked at me with a smile and said, Ziyang helped Meifen carry the backpack and left first, leaving me alone. "What's the matter? Come and sit down." Huang Zijie said. "I'm leaving soon." "Oh, I'll go to see your graduation exhibition." He said hesitantly, "If... I'm still alive." He paused for a while, and added this very discouraging sentence with a smile. Like an outsider. "You're still joking, nervous, I don't bother to talk to you." I turned and pushed open the door to leave, knowing that I would no longer be able to restrain the presumptuousness of tears and the extravagance of emotions when I turned around. In the past few weeks, I have not heard from Huang Zijie, and I have no resources to care about his illness and fragility, because I was blown several kilometers away by the sudden news... One day, I was about to open the door of the dormitory with large and small bags of model materials. I felt a gaze staring at me from behind. When I turned around, I saw Shao Qiang sitting on a motorcycle looking at me sadly. He got up and left. Come to me and say: "You go and see my brother, okay?" "Last week, Xiao Ru was stimulated by something. She stabbed several patients with a kitchen knife, and my brother was also hacked." "So what happened to them?" I immediately asked nervously.Tears rolled in Shaoqiang's eyes: "It's okay, but Xiaoru is isolated now." He paused here, took a deep breath, looked at me and said slowly: "From that day on, Shaoping has Sitting in front of Xiaoru's isolation ward, she is more autistic than before... Please help me, please" As Shao Qiang came to the nursing home, the nurse and Shao Qiang led me slowly into the basement. When I was about to reach the end of the corridor, Shao Qiang stopped and turned to look at me and said, "My brother is in Xiaoru's house." Sitting in front of the ward." I looked in the direction Shao Qiang pointed, and there was a lonely, lonely, and spiritless figure squatting there. I walked to the front of Shaoping and looked into Xiaoru's ward. Xiaoru murmured something like "I'm bleeding" with a blank face. My nose was sore, I couldn't bear to look away .Crouching down, I patted Shaoping on the shoulder, but he didn't respond, just curled up into a ball. "Shaoping, don't act like this." I whispered, unable to hold back my tears.Shaoping raised his head slowly after hearing my voice.It was hard to believe that the person in front of him was Shao Ping, and the left side of his bearded face was still cut.I looked at the downcast Shaoping, and my mind went blank. Suddenly, he hugged me tightly as if exhausting all his strength, which startled me.Soon I felt the cheeks close to him were hot and humid, Shaoping was crying? "I'm really serious about taking care of her..." He managed to say this while choking with sobs, I nodded vigorously and echoed: "I know, I know..." God, what should I do? "Even you gave up taking care of her..." When I said this, I couldn't help but burst into tears, and what came to my mind was the scene of saying goodbye to him at the gate of the nursing home. I don't know how long it took for such a tight hug, judging from the degree of trembling of my feet, at least an hour or more.Shaoping's mood gradually returned to calm, and I also relaxed a lot.After our persuasion, Shao Ping finally agreed to leave the basement. Shao Qiang and I helped him to lie on the sofa in the reception lounge. As soon as he lay on the sofa, he fell into a deep sleep, but he kept holding my hand. refused to let go.Looking at Shao Ping, who was bearded and thinner, I somehow thought of Huang Zijie.The only difference is that Huang Zijie's pale and thin face is clean, as well as the occasional twitching of the eyebrows and the weak heartbeat... I wonder how he is now? "My brother likes you very much. Because of Xiao Ru, he didn't say anything." Shao Qiang suddenly said this sentence that made people sweat, and the air nearby condensed.I looked at the hand tightly held by Shaoping in silence, and finally adjusted my mood. Is the almost healed pain about to be peeled off arbitrarily? "How could we start all over again? It would still be a tragedy, how could we ignore Xiaoru? We have long since lost the possibility." I decided to speak out my feelings bravely. "Is it because of Huang Zijie?" Shao Qiang looked at me disdainfully. "How could it be because of him? That's right. Speaking of Huang Zijie, did you hit him that day?" I didn't want to mention it at first, but since he took the initiative to mention it, I let it go. "I'm sorry, I know he's a good person. I apologized to him after I hit him." I really wanted to grab Shao Qiang and scold him, but Shao Ping held my hand tightly and couldn't leave him. I had no choice but to say angrily: "How can there be such a person? He has already started... Do you know him... He may not live long..." Shao Qiang frowned and said: "He can only wait Dead, I know, I know that he has a playful smile on his face, Yidong came to me that day and found out... No wonder his face was so pale when he left." I knew Shao Qiang did it to protect Shao Ping made.Should Shaoqiang be blamed?I've been out of shape for a long time. "Actually, I also thought about going to you after Huang Zijie died, but I was afraid of brother..." What, this Shaoqiang is too much. "Hey, what are you talking about?" I'm so mad, I want to get out of here.I told myself that it was definitely not because Shao Qiang applied the word "death" to Huang Zijie that he wanted to escape; it was definitely not because he was angry and wanted to cry because he thought Huang Zijie might die; it was definitely not... "Xiaohua, I'm sorry. I just..." Shao Qiang handed me a tissue and said, I don't know when I was sobbing.That stinky guy lying in the hospital is smiling all day long, and he still hasn't let me out of the hospital properly At this moment, the music on my mobile phone suddenly rang, and it was Meifen calling.A bad premonition echoed in my heart. "Hello? What's the matter with Meifen?" "Huang Zijie seems to have had another attack. The situation is not very good..." "I'll be there right away." I quickly hung up the phone and wanted to rush to the hospital to see Huang Zijie, but suddenly found that I couldn't move at all. Shao Ping, who was sound asleep, refused to let go of my hand.Shao Qiang walked up to me and said, "You want to go?" "Shao Qiang, let me take her to the hospital." Yi Dong suddenly opened the door and came in, "Don't do anything you'll regret." I was just about to gently break free from Shao Ping's hand, "Don't leave." Unexpectedly, Shao Ping said suddenly Said.Isn't he asleep?Yidong was also stunned, and after a while he said, "If you want to go to the hospital, I'll be outside." Then he walked out. "Shao Ping? You didn't sleep?" I said in surprise, "I woke up when you started crying. I'm sorry..." Shao Ping didn't let go of my hand, but clenched it even tighter.Feeling something was wrong, I quickly got up and said, "Then I'm leaving." "Don't leave here, I don't want to be patient anymore, I like you." Shao Ping pulled me closer to his side.Suddenly I felt that Shao Ping, who had no hesitation two years ago, came back, and the eyes that forgot that he would hurt Xiaoru regardless of everything were very firm. "But, Huang Zijie..." Shao Ping hugged me tightly, and muttered to himself: "I can't care so much, I just know that if you see him today, we will never be able to again..." I really want to see Huang Zijie. How are you?When weakness is filled in the cells of the limbs, it is easy to make people feel heavy.After losing the strength and courage to run, if you don't get up and walk around, you may be disabled without knowing it.It would be great if there were any beliefs that could sustain a person's senses and be strong enough not to hurt others.However, I desperately needed some kind of belief to run away, as if my energy was absorbed by Shao Ping who hugged me tightly.Indeed, with the strength of his strength, I felt the changes in my body, the cells were damaged and almost exhausted.Yes, the person who has such a belief is not me, but Shaoping. "Sorry." Yidong parked the car downstairs in my dormitory. I, beside the driver's seat, had already given up struggling and looked at the familiar mountain cherry tree and shook my head blankly.It has been almost a day and a night since Shaoping turned off my cell phone to prevent me from leaving the hug. "Maybe, it's still too late for me to send you to the hospital?" Yidong turned his head worriedly trying to remedy something, but I don't want to mention anything now, yes, I missed the appointment.There was a strong sense of guilt that kept sticking to my throat. I was so brave and resolute that I couldn’t catch up with the weak steps and couldn’t reach the end. I began to wonder what kind of feelings I had for Huang Zijie?Seeing that I didn't respond, Yidong just opened the car door and walked to the dormitory, "Then, goodbye." There was a hint of more than enough energy in his tone.I know that Yidong is a good person, in fact, I don't have any complaints, but I began to doubt my inner feelings, the place where evil spirits live. "You only sympathized with him because he was about to die, that's sympathy!" "It's cruel to him, and it's also cruel to me who loves you so much!" Shao Ping these few days last night Those words destroyed the emotions I thought I was about to face up to, and everything was messed up. I didn't have the courage to go to the hospital to see Huang Zijie, and I couldn't tell him frankly what I thought.Because I don't know if I like him or not, and sometimes I think I pity him because he's dying.After Yidong drove away, I looked up at the dormitory for a while and didn't want to go in. Although I was very tired, I walked in the opposite direction to the 7-11 at the intersection.The glass reflects a little blue outside the window, and this year's summer seems to be slower than in previous years.I browsed randomly three or four times in the four large refrigerators filled with various beverages, and finally went to the warming cabinet with hot beverages and took a bottle of human milk tea. I wonder if I have been poisoned?I still want to keep a little habit and don’t want to discover my coldest selfish personality. Hot milk tea seems to temporarily warm my heart that is about to freeze.After leaving 7-11, of course, I walked to the bench in the township office and sat down. Gently open the pull ring and take a sip of the familiar aroma of milk tea. It is now past six in the morning. The warm sunshine in the east and the perfect light blue and white sky should be very comfortable.And everyone went out for a walk as usual, and even the stray dogs felt the same boring, but the inexplicable stickiness was tangled in my left chest, and I felt very sad. What the hell am I doing?What are you sad about?Huang Zijie, who was lying on the bed, didn't even know that I was going there?Huang Zijie is not mine, why should I feel sorry for him, even if I don't go, it's none of my business.He was just someone who walked into my life without permission.If I really liked him, I would have run out yesterday regardless of Shaoping, how could I still be sitting here now?So, I must not like or care about him. A man and a woman pushed open the door from the apartment in front, and the girl pouted and said to the boy, "Hey, you are leaving." The boy pinched the tip of the girl's nose and said with a smile, "Hey, yeah, don't miss me too much Oh!" It felt so warm, lightly I seemed to see Huang Zijie's smile on the boy's face, thinking that he always smiled at me with a playful smile, maybe that kind of tenderness was too deep, I couldn't help it The corner of his mouth also smiled, but he couldn't stop the tears from the corners of his eyes, as soon as he lowered his head, he kept falling madly.I have tried my best not to care about him, why do I still feel so painful in my heart?I don't know what I'm doing anymore. He bowed his head and gently stirred the warm milk tea with both hands left and right, and all the chaotic thoughts in his mind were washed away by tears.Suddenly a piece of clean white tissue was handed to me, and then a man sat down beside me.I quickly raised my head and looked to my side, "What's the matter? Who made you cry?" Ah Wen waved the tissue paper in his hand and smiled at me, which made me feel at a loss for a while, so he turned his head away and wiped his tears with his sleeve and said: "I'm fine..." Ah Wen didn't ask any more questions, just stayed by my side and looked at the people walking around, "How are you and Ruolan? I haven't seen you recently." I took a sip of milk tea to calm down , asked him irresponsibly. Ah Wen looked at me with a smile and said, "We're fine! Several times, Ruolan knocked on your door, saying that she wanted to eat hot pot together, but you weren't here. Hehe, she was very disappointed." I laughed. I nodded and said: "Ah, yes. I've been busy recently, haha." Yes, that kind of ordinary life doesn't know how far away I am, and the simple love and worry about gains and losses are also more complicated than the current state of entanglement. Much better.The burden of one-sided intentions is far easier to resolve than the painful and desperate love of both parties. There is no need to carry a big burden on one shoulder, and you can stop it at any time. "Thank you. Ruolan told me that you still helped me speak..." Ah Wen thanked me embarrassedly, "I think Ah Wen loves you very much, and is also very worried about you..." Suddenly remembering that day, he blurted out If so, I just hope they can be happy. "After graduating in a while, Ruolan and I will move back to the south. Let's eat hot pot together sometime? Although summer is coming, hot hot pot is not suitable for eating. How about it?" It seems that there is no relationship between them. problem.Although Ruolan told me that she has no choice but to drink hot milk tea, but a cup of hot milk tea like Ah Wen is still her last choice.The two of them love each other so much, they won't be separated anywhere. "She said a word to me for no reason when she came back that day." Ah Wen tilted his head thinking, "What?" I asked with a smile while drinking hot milk tea, "Hehe, she said I was her hot milk tea. It sounds like Not bad.” Hearing what Ah Wen said, I suddenly remembered that rainy night, Huang Zijie said to me with a pale smile and trembling voice: “If possible, I hope I can be your hot milk tea. So, please Don't wait any longer...." In an instant, I felt how important hot milk tea means to me. "Where's your hot milk tea?" Ah Wen leaned over and asked me.I think I should have known, from the first time I saw Ah Wen, that he was indeed an angel.Ah Wen's words gave me infinite courage.Every time, it's like a blow to my head, yes, I can't just sit here!There is a gentle and mischievous good boy who volunteers to be my hot milk tea. Even if I love myself more than others, I don’t have any complaints. "Awen! I'm leaving first!" I picked up my bag and ran to the parking place of the dormitory, "Remember our hot pot!" Ah Wen smiled at me as if he knew everything.As if telling me not to let myself feel sorry, I stopped and waved back to him, saying goodbye to my angel. On the way to the hospital, my mind was full of thinking that when I saw Huang Liaojie later, I would look at him well, and I didn’t want to hide my feelings anymore. I wanted to tell him that all this is not sympathy, and definitely not falling into a bubble drama at 8 o’clock The drama here is too deep.When I arrived at the hospital, I rushed into the inpatient building and climbed the stairs to the fifth floor without waiting for the elevator. I still wanted to tell Huang Liaojie that even if Yijun appeared to stop me, I would not back down.Ok?Yijun?Slow down because I seem to see that the person in front of Huang Zijie's ward is Yijun... Before he could react, Yijun stepped forward and slapped me angrily when he saw me, and then cursed loudly: "What are you doing? Come here! Who asked you to come here!" Zi Yang and Mei Fen came out of the ward, "Why are you beating people!" Mei Fen pulled me to her and Zi Yang, I didn't care if my face hurt or not Looking at Meifen, he asked, "How is Huang Jiejie?" Seeing Meifen and Ziyang who hesitated, I wanted to rush into the ward to see him, but was blocked by Yijun and said: "If there is something wrong with Zijie, I will never let you go!" Not listening to Yijun's words, I walked into the still clean white ward with fresh yellow roses, yes, as soon as I came in, I could still see Huang Zijie who was always smiling at me.However, there is nothing on the hospital bed, and no one is in the ward? "Huang Liaojie went for a check-up? Or..." he asked muttering, the clothes in the closet were all spread out on the hospital bed, and some small things like kettles seemed to be packing up. "He's been discharged from the hospital, and he insisted on being discharged." Zi Yang walked to me and said, "Well, my parents came back from the United States yesterday. My father asked him to go to the United States for treatment, because there are currently no doctors in Taiwan who are willing to take such a risk. Afterwards, my father saw that Zijie didn’t speak and wanted to use a strong one, but Zijie suddenly had an attack. The doctor said, maybe another attack will be fine.” Ziyang started to pack his clothes while talking, and Meifen came to me Said: "By the way! Why are you so slow. The phone is also turned off. When I went to your house to find you, I met this shrew and insisted on following me." She glanced at Yijun angrily. In fact, I've been speechless for a long time, and my mind is full of thoughts about why Huang Zijie left the hospital? "Where did he go? What are you doing out of the hospital with such a weak body?" I couldn't help being inexplicably annoyed, I really didn't know what he was thinking. "After the condition stabilized, he said that he agreed to go to the United States for treatment. It's just that he asked his father not to stay in the hospital until he completed the procedures to go to the United States. It's rare that my brother promised my father to go to the United States, and he was discharged from the hospital. What he means." Zi Yang explained. "Don't you tell me where Huang Zijie is?" I asked straight, Meifen patted my shoulder lightly and said: "Yesterday, after he was in stable condition, he didn't sleep all night. Waiting for you. Later, Yijun came, and Ziyang *mother said something..." Was Huang Zijie disappointed in me?Watching Meifen continue talking, Yijun walked up to me impatiently and said, "Zijie is not sad at all, and said with a smile that he doesn't need to wait for you to come! He was discharged from the hospital, and even I don't know where he is going." It's over!" Zi Yang put down his cleaning work and said to Yi Jun, "Miss, you can go out now." Pushing Yi Jun halfway out, he shook his head after closing the door. "Huang Zijie is smiling, but it's uglier than crying. I don't know what you are trying to be brave! It made me feel so sad that I almost cried when I heard it beside you." Mei Fen choked up, and my tears couldn't stop for a long time. 子扬轻轻地搭住我的双肩，让我正视前方：“我想，即使我们不说。你也会知道的。”转头看着子扬的笑容，再看着梅芬擦掉眼泪的眼神提示。…….前方不就是病床和那一束黄玫瑰而已，唔？突然间，如果没有想错的话，我知道他在哪里了。 “我知道他在哪里！”我恍然大悟，梅芬搭着子扬的肩膀笑说：“你看！还说你们不适合，你们在一起绝对速配的！”笑着点头要去找黄了捷，子扬挡住我的去路体贴地说：“你看起来很累，我载你去吧！” 就在我看到那一束黄玫瑰的时候，是的，我已经知道黄子捷在哪。 再红的戏子也有该下台的时候，戏码和舞台也都有了陈旧调零的斑驳。即使观众不愿散去，到该谢幕变不出把戏的时候，因为下一出戏也许正要继续上演。我的眼泪总是配着谢幕的掌声，震耳欲聋的鼓励会让人几乎忘记呼吸，一直倒抽好几口气也不舍得放，那味道里有一丝不舍掺在满足的泪水里。难道我也是戏子？我的人生是一出被安排好结局的戏码？事情往往都不如预期，当下意识咬指甲不安举动的频率提醒了我的在乎和恐惧，那种脆弱怎么也掩饰不了的。坐在后座我不停想抓住勇气的尾巴，希望倔强的自己能够开口，那一切应该会有转机。 脆弱的心跳声 “怎么了？你的脸色不好看。”子扬单手开车，空出另一只手去摸梅芬的额头。Ok?我忽然察觉到子扬跟梅芬两人之间的莫名情愫，在两人眼神的交会中迸裂出一丝丝的温暖，舒服自在而不黏腻。什么都没有点破的我，扬起了浅浅的微笑。 “哇———这里好美喔牎”梅芬惊喜地摇下车窗喊着，子扬将车停在三合院前：“是啊，美吧牎这里是我外婆的家。” 在三合院的前厅，外婆跪在菩萨前面念佛经，听到后边有人进来便转过身，看到子扬更睁大了眼睛，放下手边的佛珠与小木槌。老人家紧紧抱住子扬说：“子扬？我的宝贝，你终于回来了啊———”“外婆牎您好不好啊？”外婆紧握着子扬的手连声说好，眼泪也一直往下掉。 “子捷又病了，让人真心疼。我每天吃斋念佛就是希望他能平平安安的，可是……你可要好好地照顾你哥，知道吗？”这时，外婆注意到在门口站着的我，便起身走过来拉住我的手说：“我记得你啊，你来看子捷的吧？他一大早就推着轮椅出去了。大概是去花圃了吧。前些日子，他特地把花圃整理了一番。你们去陪陪他吧。”梅芬走到我身边用眼神暗示我出去，子扬也微笑着对我说：“去吧。”再上前扶住外婆说：“来，外婆，我跟您介绍，她叫梅芬啊。” 我微笑缓步退出屋内，转身走向那片有着美丽回忆的花海，有雏菊、白百合和黄玫瑰的花海……令人惊讶的是，映入眼帘的不再是三块自成风格的花圃，雏菊和白百合都不见了，眼前是一大片几乎融成一体的黄玫瑰。 没有看到黄子捷的身影，我一边环顾寻找他的踪影，一边顺着花圃的小径走过去，结果被空轮椅绊住。这家伙又不怕死地乱来，他现在的心脏负荷不了随意走动。我走到花圃岔路，左边是满山摇曳的竹林，风吹过来的沙沙声引领着我转过去，这段上坡的小路有点颠簸，我的老毛病差点都被逼出来，喘不过气。 走出这片竹林，哇！好美牎一池绿澄澄的湖水就静谧地坐落于此，竹叶被风吹得一阵一阵地散落在湖面上，湖边左侧有棵超级大的樟树特别显眼，我终于看到眼前惟一真正特别的脆弱灵魂，黄子捷。 他躺在铺满竹叶和樟树叶的地上，安安静静地用单手枕着头，另一只手挡在额头和双眼上，身边还散着几枝黄玫瑰，他是睡着了吧？ 没打算吵醒他，我坐在他的身边看着前方的风景，一支钓竿被架在分岔的树枝上，浮标在湖面上一点动静都没有，难怪黄子捷要睡着了。 忽然“噗通”一声，湖面上的浮标没入水里去了，我起身拉住被扯动的鱼竿，天呀牎有鱼上钩了啊牎谁知道这湖里的鱼有这么大的力道，我忍不住叫了出来：“啊啊牎怎么一回事啊牎”眼看差一步就要摔进看不见底的湖里去了牎怎么办……一只大手拦腰抱住差点摔进湖里的我，另一只手把鱼竿拿过去。 “你是傻蛋啊？摔下去我可救不了你啊牎”黄子捷将我拉到一边，没想到鱼线刚好被鱼扯断，只剩一根细线飞飘在空中。黄子捷耸耸肩把鱼竿架回到树枝上。 我现在才真正看到黄子捷在呼吸，体会到他的生命正在运作。我忽然有了莫名其妙的感动，感动到眼泪都快溢出来了。黄子捷轻拭我的眼泪再拨动我额前的头发，注视许久，害我尴尬得不得了，倔强地别过头去说：“看……看什么啊？神经牎”不等我说完，他略略颤抖地抱紧我，再轻声地低头在我耳边说：“我好想你，真的好想。” 被黄子捷抱在怀里，我听见了他脆弱的心跳声。那讯息是要告诉我，此时此刻，他的温度暂时不会消失…… 我轻推开黄子捷：“你干嘛勉强出院啊？不是才发作？真是任性。”说完我转身走向樟树边。差不多有一分钟没有听到任何回应，我回头看黄子捷在干嘛？他侧身对着我，双手插在口袋里闭眼仰天。他侧脸的弧线，隐隐约约地与湖光山水共同勾勒出一个完美的世界。真的以为他是天使，有别于阿问的那一种。 “干嘛盯着我看？爱上我啦？”他调皮地回头，拉拉衣服上的红色连衣帽戴在头上向我走来，暧昧的余味回绕在我的心头，可我相信黄子捷并没有察觉到不对劲，因为心里有鬼的人是我。“神经，怎么可能啊？臭美牎”啊，我是怎么了？只要听到他向我自信地提问就忍不住想骄傲倔强地反驳。他一边表情丰富地吐吐舌头，一边坐在樟树下说：“啊真惨，都不知道被你拒绝过几遍了。来，坐下吧。这里很舒服。” “喂喂,你还没有回答我啊？”我指的是出院一事。“我不叫'喂'呀，我叫黄子捷，都不知道还能再叫几遍了，还乱喂喂叫的，真可怜啊，大小姐。”他边说边回头用指尖点点我的额头，一点也不在意。我的心头忽然纠结抽动了。 冷却掉的热奶茶 黄子捷笑着看我又望向前方的湖水：“从小到大，每一次被送进医院，我都能知道自己出院的时间，因为，我太了解自己的身体状况。即使再胡来我也会在真正倒下之前，乖乖地打针吃药接受治疗。我有继续活下去的勇气，即使要接受痛苦的治疗也不要紧，可是我却不希望做白费力气的事情，所以，在出国治疗之前，我不打算待在医院。” 黄子捷很平静，平静到让人觉得害怕，明明差一步就要摔下悬崖了却丝毫不为所动，像是在说别人的事情一样轻松简单。第一次，听到他这么提自己的事情。 “我在下赌注啊，你不知道啊？我的病在台湾能被治愈的机会不大，再待在医院里也没有用。说到底，病万一要发作的话，最多也只是拖延几十分钟或者几十秒钟的生命罢了，没意义。听说我爸他已经安排好了，所以，之后我也许要在美国的医院里待上好长一段时间，我———” “可是，一直待在医院里比较保险吧！再说，以后等你好了，就可以不用再去医院了啊———那不是更好吗牎笨蛋牎不论是待在美国或是台湾的医院，还不是都一样牎”这家伙到底在想什么啊。要不是看他是病人，我真想把他脑袋打开来看是不是构造上有问题。 “不一样。”黄子捷轻抚着我的头再顺势拉近他的胸膛，让我再度听到他的心跳，“不一样的。是赌注。你现在听着的心跳早已不受我的控制了。我不希望当你以后回忆起我的时候，只记得医院的消毒水味。”我面对着黄子捷坐好，用力认真地说：“你不会死的。” “别担心啦，我没事牎我还有心跳。”黄子捷笑着拉起我的左手放在他的左胸口，想让我安心。我红着眼眶别过头去没有说话。也许是看我没有反应，黄子捷突然淘气地说：“其实啊，我是因为护士小姐打针下手太重，而医生一点情趣都没有才逃出医院的啦。何况让怡君知道我住院就不好了。你们俩要是为我打起来，我都不知道该怎么办呢牎呵呵牎” 我没好气地白他几眼又忍不住被他的神情逗笑了出来：“神经病牎我干嘛为了你跟怡君打架啊牎你真的很臭美很欠揍耶牎受不了。”我撑起身子往前缓步走去。 “你要小心别摔下去了，湖水很深，很危险。”黄子捷走到我身旁，“我以前曾经在这里游过泳，不骗你喔，我知道水很深。”他侧脸微笑带点神秘的语气。 “骗人，你怎么可能会游泳？你的身体不是……”看见我惊讶困惑的表情，他又笑了。 “那是我第一次被送进医院，嗯，应该是15岁的时候。那年暑假我来这里玩，看着子扬在湖里游泳，而我却只能呆坐在樟树下看看书。那时候我总不明白，为什么弟弟能做的事我却不能做。结果啊，趁着晚上大家睡觉的时候，我跑到湖边来，我先是枕着石头躺在湖边享受清凉，月亮很大很美地挂在天上，照在湖面再反射到脸上。我当时完全忘记了自己是要来游泳的。后来，可能是因为太舒服，所以不小心趴在石头上睡着了。子扬忽然叫我，把我吓得猛滑倒摔进湖里去，当然啦，我不会游泳，不断挣扎也没有用，反而喝了不少水。后来是我外公救了我，呵呵，不过这也是我昏迷两天之后才知道的事情了。”黄子捷说完笑了笑，吐吐舌头又说：“还记得我一醒来就看见子扬在我病床边哭，因为他认为是他害我摔进湖里的。” “子扬以前很爱哭，也总是跟在我身后流鼻涕。可是从那一次之后，他就变了。当时我昏迷刚醒，他就红着眼睛握住我的手说：'我以后一定要当医生。'搞得我一头雾水，其实根本就是我自己贪玩惹祸罢了……这小子不简单，在美国还真成了医学院的学生，呵。” “我第一次听你说关于你自己的事情。”我舒展一下筋骨，再回头对他说。他轻轻地点头，缓步走到樟树边拾起地上的黄玫瑰，走到我身边递给我，抿嘴犹豫了一会儿才说：“不管，这是不是……我的最后一段日子，陪我。”当他说完话，我惟一的念头就是牢牢记住他的脸他的笑，和他一切的生命讯息。低头仔细记着他经过喉结发出的字字句句，我竟然红了眼眶。“走，陪我去兜风。”他任性地牵起我的手往花圃的方向走回去。“兜风？你要开车？去哪？你别胡闹啊牎”我配合地迎上他的脚步，生怕动作太大会影响到他一贯的平静方式。 “呵，我们兜风去喝热奶茶好了。”黄子捷说出这句话的时候，我深有感触。别人也许无法理解热奶茶对我的意义和感动，但在我生命中细微却深刻特别的，只是一杯热奶茶。 望着黄子捷因病而有点吃力的背影，那杯等待的热奶茶……我希望永远不会冷掉。