Chapter 7 Chapter Six

Chapter 6 On June 23, 1996, Lake Saroma, Hokkaido, no one knocked on the table, no one threw the cup Have you ever run 100 kilometers in one day? Most people in the world (or people with a normal mind) probably don't have such an experience.Ordinary, healthy citizens generally avoid such recklessness.And I only once ran from early morning to evening, and ran a 100-kilometer race.The physical consumption is of course very intense.For a long time after the race, I developed a resistance to running in my heart, thinking that I would never do this kind of business again.However, no one can tell what the future holds.Maybe I'll heal my scars and forget about the pain, and one day I'll challenge the ultramarathon again.What will be carried tomorrow, no one knows until tomorrow.

Having said that, looking back now, this race means a lot to me as a runner.I don't know what it means to run a hundred kilometers alone.However, although it is not an everyday thing, it is not against the way of being a human being. It may bring some special knowledge into your consciousness, so that you can add something new to your view of yourself.The circumstances of your life may change in tone and shape, more or less, for better or for worse.I myself have such a change. The following text is a few days after the game, I wrote down something similar to a mental sketch "while I haven't forgotten it", and then sorted it out.After ten years, when I reread the old article, the thoughts and feelings I wrote down in the writing at that time are vividly revived now.What kind of things that harsh race left in my heart-what should be happy, and what can't be purely happy-maybe you can understand in general, but some people will definitely say "this It's something hard to comprehend."

Every June, the Lake Saroma 100km Ultra Marathon is held in Hokkaido, where there is no rainy season.Early summer in Hokkaido is a pleasant season, but in the northern part of Lake Saroma, the real summer will take a long time to visit.The starting time is early in the morning, especially the cold.In order not to let the body cool down, it is necessary to wear thick clothes.The red sun is rising, and after the body gradually warms up, it is like a bug that repeatedly molts and grows. The runner takes off the clothes one by one while running and throws them away.Gloves cannot be removed.It was a bit cold with only a vest on.If it rains, it will be unbearably cold.Fortunately, however, the sky was always covered with clouds that day, but there was no rain in the end.

Runners run for a week along the shore of Lake Saroma, which faces the Sea of ​​Okhotsk.It was only after a trip that I realized that this is really a huge lake.Yubetsu Town on the west side of the lake is the starting point, and Tokoro Town (now Kitami City) on the east side is the end point.The last stretch, between the eighty-five and ninety-eight kilometers, is to pass through a long, narrow and vast natural park facing the sea, called a naive garden.If you have spare time to enjoy the scenery, this route is really beautiful.There is no traffic control on the entire route, but there are very few vehicles and pedestrians, so there is no such need.Along the road, cows are grazing leisurely.The cows have no interest in the runners, they are too busy grazing grass, and have no time to pay attention to the lack of common sense of people who do good things. Similarly, the runners have no time to pay attention to the movements of the cattle.After running forty-two kilometers, there is a checkpoint every ten kilometers. If you do not pass the checkpoint within the specified time, you will be automatically disqualified.A considerable number of people are disqualified every year.This is a pretty strict game.I had come all the way to a place near the northern tip of Japan for a run, and I didn't want to be disqualified on the way.No matter what happens, I have to pass the level within the specified time.

This event is one of the originators of the ultra-marathon in Japan. It is run by the locals themselves, and it is very smooth and efficient.It feels very comfortable to run, and it is an easy race to run. From the starting point to the rest point at 55 kilometers, there is nothing worth talking about, just running silently.Basically no different from a Sunday morning long run.As long as you maintain a healthy running speed of six minutes per kilometer, you can run 100 kilometers in ten hours.Coupled with the time for rest and meals, the time spent can be controlled within eleven hours. This is a small calculation I made in my heart, and it was only later that I realized that this idea was too optimistic.

There is a sign at the forty-two kilometer point: Up to here, the distance is equivalent to a full marathon.A white line was clearly drawn on the cement road.As I crossed that line, I felt, to put it an exaggeration, a little shudder.For the first time in my life, I have run a distance longer than 42 kilometers.This is the Strait of Gibraltar for me, beyond which I will rush into unknown open seas.What awaited me, what strange creatures lived there, I had no idea.It’s scary to say this: I will feel the fear that sailors of the past felt. After crossing this line, at nearly fifty kilometers, I had a feeling, and felt that my body seemed to have changed slightly.It was as if the muscles in my legs were beginning to stiffen, my stomach was hungry, and my throat was parched with thirst.As long as there is a water supply station, even if my throat is not thirsty, I should pay attention to replenishing water, but even so, dehydration is still like an ominous fate, like a queen of the night with a dark heart, chasing after me.A hazy uneasiness flitted through my mind: I haven't run halfway yet, it's like this now, can I really run a hundred kilometers?

At the rest point of 55 kilometers, I changed into new sports clothes and ate simple food prepared by my wife.As the temperature rose, I removed my leggings and put on a new, light undershirt and shorts.Changed the "New Balance" ultra-marathon running shoes (please believe that there is such a thing in the world) from size 8 to size 8 and a half, because the feet began to swell, and the size of the running shoes needed to be enlarged.It was always cloudy and the sun didn't come out, so I decided to take off my sun hat.Wearing a hat can also prevent the rain from causing a cold head. Now it seems that there is no sign of rain. It is neither too hot nor too cold, which is roughly ideal for long-distance running.Two sticks of agar-like nutrients were poured, water was replenished, and bread and butter and cookies were eaten.I stretched carefully on the grass and sprayed my calves with muscle anti-inflammatory agents.Wash your face, scrub off the sweat and dust, and go to the toilet to relieve your hands.

Rested here for about ten minutes without sitting down once.I felt that once I sat down, it would be difficult to stand up and resume my pace, so I cautiously did not sit down. "Is it okay?" they asked me. "It doesn't matter." I replied succinctly.Nothing else to say. After replenishing water and doing leg stretching exercises, I came to the road and started running again.Forty-five kilometers are left, so I can only run towards the finish line.But as soon as I started running, I immediately found that I was not in a state where I could continue running.The muscles in the legs stiffened, as if they had turned into hard old rubber.Stamina is more than enough.Breathing is also normal, not disturbed at all.Only the legs don't listen.Although I was focused on running forward, my legs had a slightly different idea from mine.

In desperation, I had no choice but to stop counting on those two uncontrollable legs and switch to a running method centered on the upper body.Swing the two arms greatly, shake the upper body, let the kinetic energy be transmitted to the lower body, and use this force to push the two legs forward-Tuo Qifu, the game is over, my two wrists are swollen.Of course, running as slow as a cow's pace is roughly the same as walking fast.But one step or two, little by little, as if I remembered it, or was determined to do so, the muscles in my legs resumed their movements, and I was able to run as usual at least.Luckily.

Although the legs started to move, it was miserable from fifty-five kilometers to seventy-five kilometers.I feel like beef that has passed through a slow-moving meat grinder. Although I have the desire to move forward, my whole body never listens to it. It's like pulling the handbrake of a car to the bottom to climb a hill.The body fell apart, as if it was about to fall apart immediately.The gas ran out, the screws came loose, and the number of gears didn't match.The speed dropped sharply, and the runners who were caught up overtook them one by one.It was even surpassed by a short woman in her seventies. "Come on!" She encouraged me.Alas, what will happen next? There are still forty kilometers to come.As I ran, every part of my body began to ache one by one.First the pain in the right leg, then transferred to the right knee, then transferred to the left thigh... In this way, the parts of the whole body took turns to confide their pain loudly, wailing repeatedly and warning again and again.Running a hundred kilometers is an unknown experience, and there are complaints everywhere in the body.I totally understand.However, no matter what, I had to endure and run the whole distance silently.Like Danton and Robespierre, etc., convincing disaffected and radical revolutionary parliaments trying to rise up, so I desperately persuaded the ministries of the body.Encourage, beg, compliment, reprimand, encourage.There is only a little bit left, please be patient and try again.However, if you think about it carefully, the heads of those two people were both beheaded.

In any case, I tried my best and finally gritted my teeth and ran the 20 kilometers full of pain.Exhausted all means, survived to the end. "I am not a human being, but a pure machine, so I don't need to feel anything, only to run forward." I warned myself like this, thinking about these few words almost wholeheartedly, and persisted.If I thought I was a real human being, I might break down with pain along the way. The existence of "self" is indeed here, and along with it, the consciousness of "self" is also there.However I try to think of them as "cheap forms".It's a wonderful way of thinking, a wonderful feeling, because it's a conscious being trying to deny consciousness.I had to drive myself, even by a small step, into the place of the inorganic.I instinctively realized that this was the only way to survive. "I am not a human being, but a pure machine, so I don't need to feel anything, only to run forward." I repeated these few words in my mind like mantras and mantras over and over again, just like the so-called "mechanical" repetition.I try my best to narrow the world I perceive.As far as I can see, at best, I can see the ground about three meters in front of me, and I don't know anything about the world in front of me.At present, my world will end three meters from here.There is no need to think about the previous things.The sky, the wind, the grass, the cows grazing, the spectators, the cheers, the lake, the novel, the truth, the past, and the memory are meaningless to me.Move your legs from here to three meters ahead - only this is me, no no, the little meaning of my machine. Stop and drink at the water supply located every five kilometers.Every time you stop, do your stretches diligently.The muscles are like leftover bread from a week ago, hard and stiff.It was hard to imagine that this was actually his own muscle.I ate dried plums where there were dried plums.I never thought that dried plums could be so delicious.The salty and sour taste diffused in the mouth and permeated every corner of the body bit by bit. Instead of trying to keep running, it might be smarter to take a few steps in moderation.That's exactly what many runners do, giving their feet a break as they walk.I never walked through it once.To stretch, I stop and rest repeatedly.But I will not go.I'm not here for the walk, I'm here for the run.For this, and only for this, I flew to the northern tip of Japan.No matter how much my running speed is reduced, I can't walk.This is the principle.If you violate the principles you set, even if only once, you will violate more principles in the future, and it will be even more difficult to finish the race. In this way, I persisted and persisted, and finally ran down.When I ran to seventy-five kilometers, it felt as if something had fallen off.I can't think of a good expression for it other than "shedding".It was like piercing through the stone wall, the body went through it all at once, and came to the other side.Exactly when did it pass through, I can't recall the specific time.When I came back to my senses, I had already moved to the opposite side, and accepted this reality in a daze: "Aha, this is considered to have passed through." I was baffled by its theory, process, and reason, and only knew that I had "passed through". There is nothing to think about after that.To be more precise, don't try to "think about nothing", just go with the flow.Let it be, let it be, and something pushes me forward. It is impossible to run for such a long time without feeling physical pain.By this time, though, fatigue was no longer a major problem.Perhaps this means that fatigue is accepted by the body as a normal state.The muscular revolutionary parliament, which had been raging for a while, seemed to be discouraged and stopped expressing its grievances one by one.No one knocked on the table, no one threw the cup.They accept this fatigue as a historical necessity, as a result of the revolution, and silently accept it.I automatically and regularly swing my arms back and forth, and pass my legs forward step by step.Think about nothing, nothing at all.When I came back to my senses, even the physical pain almost disappeared, or it was thrown into an inconspicuous corner like ugly furniture that couldn't be handled for some reason. After this "shedding", I surpassed many people.in the passage of seventy-five Before and after the kilometer checkpoint (if you can't pass here within eight hours and forty-five minutes, you will be disqualified), many people, contrary to me, dropped sharply in speed, or gave up running and switched to walking.From here to the finish line, I surpassed about 200 people.At least I counted two hundred.And being overtaken by others from behind, only once or twice.I count the number of runners passed one by one because there is nothing to do.I am in this deep fatigue, I can tolerate this fatigue completely, and I can continue to run steadily - in this world, there is no higher desire than this. I was stuck in something like autopilot.If I continue to run like this, I'm afraid I can still run after a hundred kilometers.It sounds weird: by the end of the run, not only the physical pain, but even who I am and what I am doing at the moment has disappeared from my mind.This should be a very ridiculous mood, but I can't even feel this ridiculous.Here, running almost reaches the realm of metaphysics.It was as if there was behavior first, and then incidentally, there was my existence.I run, therefore I am. When running a full marathon, at the last moment, there is only one thought in my mind: run across the finish line quickly, finish quickly! Nothing else can be considered.At this moment, I never thought about it.I think the so-called end is just a temporary end, and it doesn't make much sense.Just like being alive.It is not because there is an end that the process has meaning.It is to set an end at a certain place in order to highlight the meaning of the process cheaply, or to describe its limitations in a roundabout way.Quite philosophical.But at the time I didn't think it was philosophical at all.This is not through words, but through the body, so to speak, as a whole.This feeling became especially strong as we ran into the final long peninsula-shaped native garden track.The running method is similar to entering a state of meditation.The seaside scenery is very beautiful, and you can feel the atmosphere of the Sea of ​​Okhotsk.It was almost dusk (the departure was early in the morning), and the air was uniquely clear, giving off the deep grassy smell of early summer.I also saw a few foxes gathering together in the wilderness.They looked at the contestants curiously.Clouds with meaningful meaning, like the English landscape paintings of the 19th century, cover the sky calmly.There is no wind at all.Around me, many people just silently ran towards the finish line.Being in it, I embraced an unusually quiet sense of happiness.Inhale and exhale again, without audible disturbance in breathing.Air enters the body and exits the body very peacefully.My taciturn heart repeats expansion and contraction at a certain speed.My lungs are like hardworking bellows, taking fresh oxygen into my body in a regular manner.I can see them at work and hear their sounds.Everything was running smoothly and flawlessly.People along the road shouted to us: "Come on! We will reach the finish line soon!" The voice passed through my body like a transparent wind.I feel that people's voices just pass through and reach the other side of the body. I am me and not me.It was an unusually calm and silent mood.Consciousness and the like are not such important things.Of course, I am a novelist, and it is very important to be aware of this thing in my work.Without it, the story of subjectivity cannot be born.Still, I can't help but feel that consciousness and such isn't such a big deal. Even so, when I ran across Chang Luding's finish line, I felt happy from the bottom of my heart.Every time I cross the finish line of a long-distance race, I am happy, but this time I still feel a wave of heat rushing through my heart.The right hand is clenched into a fist and raised into the air.The time is four forty-two in the afternoon.Eleven hours and forty-two minutes had passed since the start. After half a day, I finally sat on the ground, wiped my sweat with a towel, and drank water to my heart's content.Untie the laces of your running shoes, and carefully stretch your ankles in the twilight around you.Although it's not a big deal, and I can't call it pride, there is still something similar to a sense of accomplishment, which comes to my heart as if I think of it by chance.This is a kind of personal joy: "I still have the power in my body to take the initiative to face risks and overcome them!" This sense of security may be stronger than joy.The thing that seems to be a strong knot in my body is being untied little by little, although I haven't noticed such a thing in my body yet. A few days after the Saromako race, I had to walk slowly down the stairs with my hands on the railing.His legs were trembling, unable to support his body.The fatigue in both legs disappeared within a few days, and I was able to go up and down stairs normally.After all, my legs have adapted to long-distance running after years of adjustment.The problem is the hands.Probably because he shook his hands too hard to compensate for the fatigue of the leg muscles. On the second day, his right wrist complained of pain and became red and swollen.After running marathons for many years, this is the first time that I have problems with my arms instead of my legs. Among all the things that the ultramarathon brought to me, the most important meaning is not physically, but spiritually.What it brought me was a sense of spiritual exhaustion.When I realized it, something that seemed to be called "runner's blues" wrapped me like a membrane.As far as the feeling is concerned, it is not blue, it is almost white and cloudy.After running the ultramarathon, I no longer had the natural passion for running that I once had.Physical fatigue is also one of the reasons, but it is not the only reason. The desire "I want to run" is no longer as clearly found in my mind as it used to be.I don't know why.However, this is an undeniable fact.What happened in my mind.Both the number and distance of jogging in Ping El were significantly reduced. After that, I still run a full marathon every year as before.Of course, it is impossible to run a full marathon with a so-so attitude.I still practiced accordingly, and ran the race accordingly. In the final analysis, these are only at the "corresponding" level.At the core of my body, there seemed to be something unfamiliar.It's not just the desire to run that has diminished.While something was lost, something new grew in me as a runner.It is this process of alternation of new IHs that brings me the "runner's blues" that I am not used to. What is the new thing growing in my heart? I can't find an appropriate expression, but it may be something close to "disheartened".To put it more exaggeratedly, I seem to have stepped into a "slightly different place" after running 100 kilometers.After running seventy-five kilometers, the sense of fatigue suddenly disappeared, and there was even some kind of philosophical or religious interest in the blankness of consciousness.There was something in it that forced me to be introspective.Perhaps because of this, I can no longer face running with the same reckless, pure and positive attitude I used to have.Maybe not a big deal.I'm just a little tired of running.Over the years, I have run too much, too far.Or it was nearly fifty years old, and physical strength hit the unavoidable high wall of age.Or you may have unknowingly ushered in male menopause, and you are passing through the mental depression it brings.Or these various elements are entangled to create a negative cocktail of unknown truth.As a person involved, I cannot objectively analyze and dissect the mystery.Anyway, I named it "Runner Blues". Running an ultramarathon brought me great joy and a corresponding level of confidence.I still think it was a good thing to be in that event.Yet it also leaves what might be called a "sequel".For a long time after that, I had a long-distance runner's slump—a long slump, even if it wasn't a great one.Running the full marathon went from bad to worse.Whether it is practice or competition, although there are some differences, it has become a formal repetition of the same thing, which no longer shocks my heart like before.The adrenaline secreted during the game also seemed to decrease by a notch.Probably because of all these things, I changed my interest from the full marathon to the triathlon, and went to the health club to play squash enthusiastically.As a result, lifestyles have also gradually changed.I started to think that running wasn't all there was to life—it was taken for granted.In other words, half-actively set a small distance between myself and "running", just like treating the loss of the unreasonable and fanatical love in the early stage. Now, I feel as if I'm getting out of the long-lasting "runner's blues" haze.Not quite out yet, but there is some semblance of a fresh start.When I put on my jogging shoes to go for a run in the morning, I can feel the faint movement of my baby.Around and within me, the air did start to move.I am willing to carefully nurture this little sprout.In order not to miss a sound, not to miss a scene, not to lose my way, I focused on my body. So after a long time, I once again accumulated running distance per El for the next full marathon with a simple heart.Spread out a new notebook, unscrew a new ink bottle, and prepare to write a new word.How did I come to cherish this kind of open-mindedness? I still can't explain it in an orderly manner.Maybe returning to the small city of Cambridge and the banks of the Charles River can revive the old mood.Those days of running without thinking about it come back with nostalgic scenes.Maybe it's just a matter of time.Some inevitable adjustment was taking place in my mind, and the time needed for it was finally over, that's all. As I mentioned earlier, I am afraid that many people who write professionally are like this. I am thinking while writing.Instead of writing your thoughts into words, you think while writing words.Think by writing, deepen your thinking by revising.No conclusion can be drawn no matter how many words are grouped, and the destination cannot be reached no matter how much modification is made. Of course, there are such things.This is the case at this moment.Only a few hypotheses can be put forward, and a few questions can only be explained, or else the structure of the question can be compared with other things. To be honest, how and why I got this "runner's blues" and now it's fading away, I don't know much about it, I can't explain it .Maybe it all boils down to this: this is life, I guess! I can just accept it as it is, without asking the root cause or context, like taxes, the ebb and flow of tides, the death of John Lennon, the events of the World Cup. General misjudgment. In the final analysis, the years turn around and the cycle completes a cycle.I have such a real feeling in my heart.The joyful, integral part of running as a daily act is back.It has been more than four months in a row, and I have been running steadily.This is not just a mechanical repetition, nor is it a prescribed ritual. It is a natural requirement of the body to run on the road, just like a thirsty body requires watery fresh fruit.In the New York City Marathon on November 6th, I am willing to wait and see what kind of comfortable and satisfying run I can run. Grades are not an issue.Even now, no matter how hard you try, you can't run as well as before.I am willing to accept this fact.It's hard to say it's enjoyable, but that's how it gets with age.I have my duty, and time has its duty, and do it far more faithfully and precisely than men like me.Since the creation of time (when exactly), it has never rested for a moment, and has been moving forward.Those who have escaped premature death, as grace, are endowed with the precious right to grow old.The honor of physical decay awaits, and we must accept and get used to it. The important thing is not to compete at the same time.How much I can run forty-two kilometers with a sense of fullness in my heart, and how much I can enjoy myself, these, I am afraid, will have great significance in the future.I will appreciate and evaluate things that cannot be expressed numerically, and I will also explore a pride that is completely different from before. I am not an innocent young man challenging records, nor an inorganic machine, but a professional novelist who has seen his own limitations and tried his best to maintain his ability and vitality for a long time. There is still one month left before the New York City Marathon.