Chapter 2 ugly soldier

He was ugly, from figure to face, from mouth to eyes, in short—he was ugly.Counting it, I have been in the army for almost eight years.During this period of welcoming the new and seeing off the old, the soldiers in the company changed one after another, and there were quite a few handsome young men among them, and they had a deep relationship with them. Then, after they were demobilized, they stayed for a year or so, The impression in my mind gradually faded, so that occasionally when someone was mentioned, I had to recall it carefully before I could remember his appearance.However, this ugly soldier has forever occupied a place in my memory system.Over the past few years, with the growth of age and the deepening understanding of life and society, his image has become more and more prominent in my mind. He, I am deeply guilty, this guilt urges me to rehabilitate, urges me to improve, and reminds me not to be immersed in shallow, vulgar and boring tastes.

In the winter of 1976, several new soldiers from Shandong came to the platoon, and the ugly soldier was one of them.Shandong soldiers, in people's minds, seem to be all five big and three rough, simple and honest.In fact, it is not the case. Let’s take the recruits assigned to my platoon as an example. Except for the ugly soldier—his name is Wang Sanshe—they are all small and exquisite, with fair and clean faces, and they are all very energetic. .I fell in love with them the moment I saw them.Only this Wang Sanshe was so ugly that it pierced the eye sockets. Standing together with the others, it was like an elm tree with a crooked neck growing out of a poplar forest, and a dry-scarred potato rolling out of a pile of white eggs.

I had just been promoted to platoon leader at that time, a young man with great ambition, high-spirited, with a high chest when I walked, and I looked like a young rooster that had just pruned.My biggest characteristic is my desire to win (actually, it’s vanity). Not only do I always want to overwhelm my brothers in terms of military technology and internal hygiene, but I also want the soldiers to be like me in terms of demeanor (I am famous in the whole regiment) "handsome man").But it happened to be an ugly monster, which was really a disgrace.As soon as I met him, I had an instinctive dislike for him, and in my heart I scolded the soldier for being blind, how many tall and straight guys did not bring him, and recruited such an ugly guy to show the soldier.For the sake of the ugly soldier, I approached the company commander Mushroom half-jokingly and half-seriously, hoping that the company would transfer the ugly soldier away.Unexpectedly, the company commander stared at him, and scolded: "What are you doing? You want to choose an actor? I don't care if he is beautiful or ugly, as long as he can fight and punch, he will be a good soldier! What's the use of being beautiful? Can be used as rice or hand grenade ?”

After eating the top bolt of our second company commander, we had to give up on this matter.However, my distaste for ugly soldiers clung to me like a malaria.Sometimes, I also realize that this emotion is wrong, but there is no way to change it.well!Terrible impression. The ugly soldier lacks self-knowledge. If you are ugly, just be honest and avoid the limelight. He is not. He is so enthusiastic about everything that it makes people bored. He likes to give advice, either asking questions or asking questions He often pronounced the word "Guo" in my surname Guo as the word "dog", so I became the platoon leader of "dog" in his mouth.All these made me dislike him more and more.

Soon, the Spring Festival is here.The condolences group in the province mobilized many people to come to the troops to perform condolences.At that time, there was still a lot of attention paid to grand banquets and grand receptions, and the few civil servants in the regiment were simply too busy, so the political department asked us to send ten tolerances to serve as temporary waiters.The company assigned the task to our platoon and asked me to lead the team.This kind of thing is right for my appetite.Frankly speaking, at that time I was a bum with a lot of problems, and there were a lot of things in my stomach.Going to be a waiter is a bad job. Eating sugar, smoking cigarettes and eating apples is a trivial matter. If you are lucky, you may be able to make a girlfriend who is an actress!

I immediately selected nine soldiers and ordered them to put on new military uniforms and dress up a bit more beautifully, so that the girls in the condolence group could see the demeanor of the young men in the army.Just as I was doing the "pre-war mobilization" with my fingers, the ugly soldier came back.As soon as I entered the door, I yelled: "Dog platoon leader, are you going on a business trip?" His yelling spoiled my interest, so he said angrily: "What dog platoon leader, cat platoon leader, what are you talking about!" His voice was immediately lowered by an octave, "Platoon leader, are you going on a business trip? I'm one of them." I waved my hand impatiently: "Go, go, you step aside for a while." "It's not a bad thing to go on a business trip." Why don't you step aside and rest?" The ugly soldier muttered unhappily.I asked: "Didn't you go to the cooking class to help the cook?" "After the work is done, the chief of staff asked me to come back and have a rest." "Then you can take a rest, play if you want to play, and sleep if you don't want to play, how about it? "Unexpectedly, he became furious as soon as he heard it, and said: "Platoon leader 'Dog', don't discourage enthusiasm! Let people sleep in broad daylight, I won't do it!" My interest was destroyed by him, and I was already a little unhappy , teased him casually and said: "What are you talking about? You have to intervene in everything. What are you going to do? Let the condolence group see your pretty face?" These words caused the soldiers on the side to burst into laughter.Xiaodouzi, who joined the army with the ugly soldier, also followed my words and said: "Old card - they call the ugly soldier Quasimodo - you are called Zhu Bajie looking in the mirror - looking ugly. You are the handsome team, Pulling it out shook the actors so that their buttocks were full of smoke. You, you should ring the bell!"

The soldiers laughed again.This time, the ugly soldier seemed to have been slapped twice, his dark face turned purple, his head drooped, he pulled his hat down with all his strength, covering half of his face, and slowly walked out the door .I realized that what I said just now was a bit too much, and I couldn't help feeling a little regretful. After this incident, the ugly soldier seemed to be a different person. He kept his head silent all day long, and walked around when he saw me. I thought to myself: This bear soldier is not a little angry.Xiaodouzi and his monkey soldiers are happy with the ugly soldier every day. When they have some free time, they pull the ugly soldier and ask, "Hey, Lao Ka, didn't Esmeralda come to see you?" The ugly soldier was neither angry nor angry. No scolding, just looking at the sky with white eyeballs, without even turning the eyeballs—I thought later, he was adopting Mr. Lu Xun’s tactics—but Xiaodouzi’s group of high school students with vain names couldn’t understand what he meant. He actually regarded the ugly soldier's expression of extreme contempt as a glorious victory.

The ugly soldier seemed to have a prejudice against me. For a long time, he didn't say a word to me.At the arranging meeting, I asked him why, and he said bluntly: "I despise you!" This greatly hurt my face.It made me even more disgusted with him. This kid is really a bit evil, he actually looks down on me! For a while, the soldiers in the platoon all nailed a "collar" woven with white silk thread on their collars, lined with red collar badges, and they were very energetic.However, the company said it was an unhealthy trend and asked the platoons to stop it. I didn't take it seriously. I only said a few superficial words when the platoon was called. The soldiers didn't care, and they still wore white collars.

One day at noon, the whole row was eating around a few tables, Xiaodouzi and the others were smiling at the ugly soldier, and I couldn't help but glance at the ugly soldier.God, I didn't expect this old gentleman to wear a collar!What kind of collar is this!Heibuluqiu, wrinkled, as useless as I want, I curled my lips and turned my face away.As soon as Xiaodouzi saw my face, he thought that the chance to be happy had come again.He went up with his rice bowl. "Hey, Comrade Old Ka," Xiaodouzi pointed at the ugly soldier's collar with chopsticks, and said, "Miss Esmeralda knitted this for you, right?"

Several people sprayed rice grains from their nostrils. Chou Bing's eyes seemed to ooze blood, he clasped a bowl of tofu vermicelli firmly on Xiaodouzi's neck, and Xiaodouzi squeaked. As soon as I threw down my job, I lost my airs to the ugly soldiers. "Wang Sanshe!" He glanced at me and didn't speak. "Are you going to rebel?" He looked at me again, but still didn't speak. "Tear off the collar!" He glared at me, and slowly unbuttoned his collar, muttering something in his mouth. "You didn't find a mirror to look at that face, you're so beautiful!" I was still puzzled, and added, "A potato is still a potato if you dress it up!"

He carefully removed the collar and put it in his pocket.At this time, Xiaodouzi walked over from the faucet humming, his neck was like a boiled prawn. Xiaodouzi jumped to the ugly soldier with fists and sleeves, and I was about to take emergency measures to stop the war that was about to break out, when the ugly soldier spoke: "My mother wove the collar, and my mother is fifty-eight years old. Eyes are not good..." He cried sobbingly, covering his face with his hands, tears streaming down his fingers, and his shoulders kept shaking.Most people cast their reproachful eyes on Xiaodouzi, who hangs his arms weakly and stretches out his red neck, as if he is on trial. Lianli soon found out about this.The instructor criticized my unfair attitude towards the ugly soldiers. Although I felt a little guilty, I didn't admit defeat in my mouth, and made many mistakes for the ugly soldiers here and there. Xiaodouzi has suffered from the ugly soldier, and has been looking for opportunities to take revenge.He knew that the one who used force was not the opponent of the ugly soldier, and besides, he would be punished if he fought.So, he tried every means to find an opportunity to make the ugly soldier make a fool of himself again. On the evening of May Day, Quanlian gathered in the club for an entertainment party.The old-fashioned programs, such as the company commander's solo singing like a cow, and the instructor's nonsense fast writing, caused bursts of laughter.At the end of the party, Xiaodouzi winked at a few fellow villagers who were close to him, stood up suddenly, and shouted: "Comrades, I propose that our famous singer, Comrade Wang Sanshe, sing a song for everyone." Song, okay?" "Okay!" followed by exaggerated applause.I clapped my hands a few times, but immediately felt an awkward and uncomfortable feeling rippling in my heart.The ugly soldier put his head between his legs and did not move.Xiaodouzi grimaced at the people around him, then stretched out his hand to poke the ugly soldier: "Hey, singer, don't answer shyly. If you don't sing, how about a performance?" The whole audience was in an uproar. I just opened my mouth to laugh, and suddenly raised my head, just in time to meet the angry eyes of the company commander and the stern eyes of the instructor.I hurriedly stood up, and shouted: "Little Douzi, stop making trouble!" Xiaodouzi sat down resentfully.The instructor stood up and was about to say something, but before he could open his mouth, the ugly soldier stood up like a wooden stake, strode to the front of the stage, raised his coat sleeves, wiped his tears, and said firmly: "Thank you, comrades, for your support!" Kindly, I will perform!" I was so shocked that I didn't shut my mouth for a long time, this brother is really a monster, he wants to perform! But he was acting, really acting.It looked like he was in pain, with muscles all over his face twitching. He said: "When Quasimodo was tortured with the whip and was thirsty, the beautiful gypsy girl Esmeralda held a jar of water in both hands and brought it to his lips. After drinking the water, the ugly monster kept crying Saying 'beautiful! beautiful! beautiful!'" The ugly soldier imitated the movements and accents in the movie and said three words "beautiful", "Could it be that what Quasimodo was thinking at this time was only Ais Does Mirada have a beautiful appearance?" After a pause, he continued: "When Esmeralda was about to be hanged on the gallows, Quasimodo, the ugly monster, rescued Esmeralda without hesitation. While running, he shouted 'Refuge! Refuge!'" The ugly soldier imitated the action and voice in the movie and shouted "Refuge" twice, "Could it be that Quasimodo left people with only an ugly Appearance?" After the ugly soldier finished speaking and performing, he stood dumbly.The room was silent, and the poplar leaves outside the window could be heard singing softly in the spring breeze.No one laughed, no one applauded. Everyone stared at him blankly, as if they were watching a sculpture covered in green embroidered red mud.My face felt hot for a while, and I peeked at Xiaodouzi, only to see him salivating embarrassingly, folding the corners of his clothes... After the party, the ugly soldier sent a long report to the company, requesting to go to the production team to feed the pigs. After repeated research, the company agreed to his request. Three years later, I have been promoted to deputy company commander, in charge of logistics, and I have often dealt with ugly soldiers again.Talking about his work, I really don't talk about it, but he is not likable, his personality has become very withdrawn, and the words he said in a year are not as much as Xiaodouzi said in a day, and his clothes are disheveled, and he hasn't been seen once in three years street.I talked to him once and asked him to pay attention to his military appearance. He said calmly: "Deputy company commander, I don't have any contact with the outside world. I absolutely guarantee that I won't lose face to the People's Liberation Army. Besides, a potato is still a potato no matter how dressed it is." Why bother?" He gave me a crooked chicken, and I simply left him alone. In early 1979, Sino-Vietnamese border relations were tense to the point of self-heating, and there was a tendency to explode.The company has privately spread the news that a group of veteran soldiers will be transferred to the front line, and the enthusiasm for troop training is unprecedentedly high. After the lights are turned off at night and the signal is blown, there are still people pulling the horizontal bar and carrying bricks.But the ugly soldier didn't respond at all, and just kept feeding his pigs all day long. Finally, the rumors that were circulating became reality.Just after the mobilization meeting, the company boiled like a pot of boiling water.Letters of determination and letters of challenge were piled up on the company desk.Some even bit their fingers and wrote blood books. This time the number of places for transfer is relatively large, and almost all the veterans from 1976 and 1977 will go.The veterans also knew it well, and began to pack their bags in a hurry.In the afternoon, I went around the pigsty, wanting to see what the only ugly soldier in the whole company who didn't write a letter of invitation to fight was doing.To be honest, I am very annoyed, you don’t want to join the regiment or the party, but when the invaders burned, killed and looted at our border, and people are eagerly waiting for the opportunity of revenge, when this opportunity finally comes, you are still indifferent. This indifference is worth considering. The ugly soldier was delivering an old sow, covered in dirt and beads of sweat on his face.Seeing him like this, I forgave him. In the evening, the branch committee formally discussed the list of personnel to go to the south. In the middle of the meeting, ugly soldiers broke in.He was wet from head to toe, and it was a very cold day. He wore a pair of rubber shoes covered in dung and mud on his bare feet, and he didn't wear a hat. A collar badge was about to fall off, and only a thread was left to hang it. He said: "Excuse me, all the company heads, are you choosing an actor or a son-in-law this time?" Everyone looked at each other in blank dismay, wondering what kind of medicine he was selling in the gourd. He added: "Can the bullets fired by an ugly monster like me kill the enemy, and will the grenades thrown explode?" The instructor smiled and asked, "Comrade Wang Sanshe, do you want to go to the front line?" The ugly soldier said with watery eyes, "Why don't you think so? Although I am not good-looking, I am also a human being, a Chinese youth, a soldier of the Chinese People's Liberation Army!" He made a standard backward turn and walked away in unison. The ugly soldier was approved to go to the front line.When I told him the news, he grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously, laughing and weeping.My eyes were also hot for a while. At the farewell party, the ugly soldier walked to the front of the stage generously. He seemed to be a different person, with a brand new military uniform, a new haircut, and a shaved beard.What shocked me the most was that on his collar was the not-so-delicate "neck collar" that his mother, who is now sixty years old and has bad eyesight, wove by herself. !I seem to be dimly aware that this move of the ugly soldier has a deep meaning.This collar is the pursuit of beauty?Is it the memory of a loving mother?No matter what, anyway, if someone makes the kind of joke that Xiaodouzi made back then, I will also put a bowl of tofu vermicelli on his head. He said: "Comrades, you welcomed me to sing three years ago. For some reason, I didn't sing. I'm sorry everyone. I will make it up today." Amid thunderous applause, he let go of his throat and sang: In spring, bitter cauliflower blooms all over the valleys, Ugly father and ugly mother gave birth to an ugly baby. All men and women ignored him, The ugly doll is herding cattle and sheep on the cliff alone. In summer, honeysuckle blooms all over the mountains, The Eighth Route Army marched into Yashan Village. The ugly doll became a children's group, They stood guard and buried mines. In autumn, the mountain chrysanthemums bloom yellow and clear, The ugly baby made a great contribution to catching traitors. Battalion Commander Wang and District Chief Liu praised him in unison, Boyfriends and girlfriends swarmed around him. Snowflakes flutter white in winter, The ugly baby became the Eighth Route Army. From now on no one thinks he is ugly, Ouch, my mother. It was like a warm spring breeze blowing into the club with a rich earthy aroma.Blooming wild flowers all over the mountains, snow-white sheep, golden cattle, blue sky, green mountains, green water..., a series of friendly, simple, poetic and passionate paintings, followed by the ugly soldiers Resentment like admiration, melodious singing like weeping and complaining flashed in people's minds.I was thinking: how the beauty of the soul makes up for the flaws of the body, how heroic feats, urgency, kindness to others, and how the character of humility and honesty have inspired and influenced generations of people through the ages. After the ugly soldier finished singing, he stood there, smiling shyly at his comrades. Everyone seemed to be thinking about something, as if they were immersed in a kind of pure and innocent emotion. Xiaodouzi left his seat and rushed forward, hugged the ugly soldier tightly, tears and snot streaming out, and shouted loudly: "Old Ka, Lao Ka, you old Ka..." Suddenly, the whole room erupted into applause like spring thunder again. Everyone seemed to have just woken up from contemplation. They stood up in unison and surrounded the ugly soldiers... After the farewell party, I was overwhelmed with thoughts. I tossed and turned on the bed, unable to sleep, feeling more and more ashamed.I put on my clothes and got out of bed, and walked to the house where the ugly soldier lived—he slept alone in a small room next to the pigsty.It was the eighth or ninth day of the ancient calendar, and the half moon shone brightly on the camp, like a layer of broken silver.The light was still on in the hut. I opened the door and walked in. The ugly soldier was feeding a piglet with corn paste. When he saw me coming in, he stood up hurriedly and said repeatedly: "Deputy company commander, sit down quickly." He said, while carrying the fed piglet into a basket covered with hay: "This piglet will not eat milk when it is born, and it will starve to death in the pen. I will take it back and raise it alone. Please even Hurry up and send someone to take over, I still have a lot of things to explain..." "What a good comrade!" I thought, "Why did I treat him so unfairly in the past?" I finally said, "Xiao Wang, speaking of which, we are also old comrades in arms. I have insulted your personality over the years. I apologize to you for hurting your self-esteem." He waved his hands in fear and said, "Deputy company commander, seeing where you have gone, you all hate me for being too short-haired and plastered the company." I said, "Xiao Wang, we are about to break up. If you have anything to say, just say it, and don't hold it in your stomach." He pondered for a while: "But yes, deputy company commander, I am determined to die this time. If I don't make a show, I won't come back alive. Therefore, it's good to say something to you, because, You will still lead troops in the future, and there will definitely be ugly soldiers assigned to the company. For the sake of these ugly comrades in the future, let me tell you the innermost feelings of an ugly soldier. "Deputy company commander, don't I want to look as beautiful as a movie actor? However, people are not clay in the hands of clay sculptors. You can make whatever shape you want. Everything in the world is different. People with thousands of appearances, ugly, beautiful, neither beautiful nor ugly, are all part of society, Wang Xingang, Zhao Dan are individuals, and I am also an individual... "Whenever I was ridiculed by my comrades-in-arms or discriminated against by my leaders, my heart hurt like a needle. "I often think that in the Three Kingdoms period, Zhuge Liang was able to persuade Liu Bei to appoint him without hesitation. In the Spring and Autumn Period, Qi Linggong could also appoint Yan Ying, a short and wretched man. Of course, I don't have outstanding talent, but I was born in such a great era, an era that truly treats people as human beings! Shouldn’t our company commanders and platoon leaders have a broader mind and more humane feelings than the ancients thousands of years ago? "I dare not expect people to like me, and I dare not expect people not to hate me. Everyone has the love of beauty, and everyone has the hate of ugliness. No one can reverse this law, just like my ugliness I can't change the same. But, beauty, just refers to a good-looking face? Xiaodouzi they called me Quasimodo, at first I thought it was an insult, but gradually I was proud of it. I would rather be forever Be an ugly bell ringer, and don't be a dignified captain of the palace guard for a minute... "Thinking of this, I seem to see bright stars in the dark night sky. I should firmly follow my own path. There are many people who are still remembered by people. Most of them are not because of them. They are beautiful; it is their performance and their character that make their names shine forever... "I asked to come to feed the pigs because of my own motives. I have taken a fancy to this hut, which can provide me with a good learning environment. I have read a lot of books in the past two years—someone borrowed them on my behalf. and start writing a novel." He took out a thick stack of manuscripts from under the quilt: "I wrote this based on the deeds of an anti-Japanese hero in our hometown. He was very ugly...his face was pockmarked when he was young...he died later... ...There is his shadow in the songs I sing..." He handed the manuscript to me, and I carefully flipped through it. Between the neatly written lines, there seemed to be a melodious song sung, and a naive child walked along the red sorghum field path... "Deputy company commander, I'm going to the front line, please handle this manuscript..." I held his hand tightly and didn't let go for a long time: "My good brother, thank you, thank you for teaching me a life lesson..." A few months later, the fire of righteous revenge was ignited in southern Xinjiang. Exciting news continued to spread on the radio and newspapers. I really hoped to hear or see the name of my ugly brother. However, his The name never came up. After staying for some days, the comrades who went up with Ugly Bing sent letters one after another, but there was no news of Ugly Bing and Xiaodouzi.I wrote several letters to these comrades in arms, and asked them about Ugly Soldier and Little Douzi.They quickly replied to the letter, which said that they separated when they arrived at the frontier, and Xiaodouzi was divided with the ugly soldiers.They also want to know the news about Xiaodouzi and Ugly Bing, and they are asking many ways. Chou Bing's novel was submitted to a publishing house, and the editorial department attached great importance to it. It was undoubtedly great news to invite the author to talk about it. Finally, Xiaodouzi wrote.He was injured in both eyes and was admitted to the hospital. He had just removed the gauze, and his left eye was blind, and his right eye had only a few tenths of vision.He informed me of Ugly Soldier's death in handwriting the size of a walnut. The ugly soldier died, but he fulfilled his oath before leaving.My tears wet the letter paper, and my heart is convulsing. My ugly brother, my good brother, how much I want to say something to you, how much I want to sing that ugly baby song with you, but this is already become an eternal regret. Xiaodouzi wrote: ... Sanshe and I searched and moved forward side by side. Unfortunately, a landmine was triggered. My eyes went dark and I fell down.After an unknown amount of time, I felt that someone was carrying me and slowly crawling forward.I asked loudly, "Who are you?" He said in a low voice, "Old Ka." I struggled to get down, but he refused.Later, he crawled slower and slower, and finally stopped.I realized that it was not good, so I hurriedly called him and touched him.I felt his protruding intestines.I desperately called out: "Old Ka! Old Ka!" He finally spoke, and he stretched out a hand for me to hold: "Little Douzi...don't bear any grudges against me...that bowl of tofu...stewed vermicelli..." His hand slipped down feebly...