Chapter 17 Part II M's Story

Years ago, at noon in a summer, the sun was shining especially brightly after a shower. In the garden, a group of children were dancing, singing and playing as usual. There is a seven-year-old girl, M, who is obsessed with writing; she is squatting by a puddle beside the road, dipping her fingers in rainwater, and writing the characters she has just learned on the dry road.It may be that the writing was not good, or it may be that halfway through the writing, the handwriting was soaked up by the hot sun, and the little girl was a little disappointed.She gets out of there. Walking to a low wall under the shade of a tree, she was already happy again.She climbed up the low wall.

She sat on the low wall swinging her legs, admiring her candy wrappers, flipping through them one by one, ranking the darkest ones last, and kissing the most lovable ones.It might be that the low wall was still damp and cold, so she wanted to squat in a different position.But in the process, she found that standing on the low wall actually felt better, squatting down and standing up again.Standing high on the low wall excited her for no reason, and she shouted, "Hey—look at me, you guys!" The children all stopped to look at her and raised envious smiles to her.Probably this feeling reminded her, the seven-year-old girl adjusted her dress and happily announced: "I am Chairman Mao!"

The children also seemed to be excited, and surrounded her with raised smiles. However, all the smiling faces suddenly froze, and the smiles gradually converged. Because a voice said: "M, you are reactionary!" All that summer, M's family was worried. Especially in the evening, outside the window and in the yard, the children were still singing and dancing; suddenly someone thought of M, her "crimes", or the joy of "condemning", so the children chorused in unison. M, reaction! M, reaction! M, reaction..." Although it was just an ingenious game for children, M's family was terrified when they heard it.

The whole family just bowed their heads and ate dinner, and no one spoke. "Reaction! Reaction! Reaction..." The voice drifted into the house with the evening wind and waves, and hit the dead silence in the house. Every sound seemed sharp and dragged an empty echo. Supper ended hastily. The sound of washing dishes couldn't be softer. Then, the lights in the house were turned off. The moonlight began to shine. The "condemnation" is still going on. The whole family sat here and there in the moon shadow, listening silently, without refuting or stopping.My father and mother occasionally went to the window to look, just hoping that the children's game would run its course, lest the adults take it seriously.

The main problem is that no one plays with M since that day. From that day on, the little girl M was afraid of broadcasting with a loudspeaker, for fear that her name would appear on the broadcast. At that time, broadcast speakers were everywhere, hanging on the roof of the building, hanging from the head of the pole, or hidden in the dense tree canopy. In the remaining days of that summer, the seven-year-old girl often walked into the garden alone, facing the silent flowers and plants, facing the flying bees and butterflies, facing the wind, praying, and telling her innocence or loyalty to the sun.

"I was wrong that day, but I didn't think that way." "I really don't think that way, assure Chairman Mao!" "What I think, Chairman Mao will know." She heard the cicadas singing leisurely and peacefully, and thought that nothing would happen. She heard "Sailing the Seas Depends on the Helmsman" playing on the loudspeaker, and she thought, it seems that nothing will happen. She knew that before an accident, a song like "Pick up a pen as a knife" is always played. After the song is over, the radio will say a person's name, what he did and what he said, and that he is a counter-revolutionary.But not now, there is no song like that playing now.Yeah?Listen again.That's right, now it's time for another show.

The little girl let out a long breath, sat down, and watched the sunset glow in the sky gradually dim. However, no one played with her anymore.This is real fear. She was looking forward to someone coming to play with her.But what she is looking forward to is not the joy of the game, but that the children can change their attitude towards her.This is the real problem. A seven-year-old heart is learning to judge its own situation based on the expressions of others. A seven-year-old heart already understands that you can improve your situation by winning the favor of others. But is there any way?

She remembered that there was still a jar of fruit candies at home.Self-taught, she has a little trick: give the children candy, and the children will come to play with her.Send one piece each, and they'll fall in love with her again. Mom and Dad are not at home.She shouted to the children: "Hey - really, I have a lot of sweets at home!" The sugar bowl sits on top of the cabinet.She pushed on a chair with a small bench on top of it, and the children surrounded her, smiling up at her.She struggled to take off the sugar bowl, and she breathed a sigh of relief—she was afraid that the sugar bowl would not be reachable.

The children sang and danced with her, just like before, but with one more purpose than before. "Is there any sugar?" "Look, there are more." She gave everyone another piece. The children gradually forgot about the "reactionary" thing, and only remembered that the candies in the jar were of various colors. "Can I have another quick green?" "Purple, I haven't eaten purple yet!" Another piece per person. Sweets were not common in those days.So Dad put it on top of the cabinet.But the seven-year-old girl no longer cared about the preciousness of candies, but was moved by their role in her heart.

Fuck at work, Mommy is back and she keeps the kids under the bed.Mom left and she let the kids out.She was afraid that the children would leave, and she would give each one another piece. She was afraid that the children would think of "reaction" again as soon as they left. The children quickly figured out a trick - they can get candy again and again by threatening "leave" or "come again". Even in the evening, when the children were about to go home, they stopped at the door. "Shall I have the last piece?" "Okay, so are you coming tomorrow?"

"Or two yuan, the last one." "You'll come back tomorrow, okay?" Many years later, the little girl was already an adult, and I showed her the story I wrote.After looking at it, she pondered for a long time, and unexpectedly said: It seems that this is not the case—— "It doesn't seem so simple. There seems to be something wrong." "Where?" I asked, "What's wrong?" She said it was the end. "I give them candy, not to keep them from leaving, not to let them come again, but to let them go quickly. In the end, I will give each of you two dollars. I want them not to come again." "Why? Aren't you afraid that no one will play with you?" "Oh, yes..." "Then why don't you want them to come again?" "Oh, it's been so long, it's been so long, I kind of forgot myself." She paced slowly, recalling slowly: "Because if they don't leave, they will still want it. If they come again, I think they will definitely want it again. But there is a lot less sugar in the jar." "Are you afraid that your mother will find out?" "No, I might rather hope she finds out. It makes me sad that she doesn't." "In the end, did she find out?" "No, she never found out." "It stands to reason that she shouldn't be hard to find, right?" "Yes. But maybe, she found out a long time ago. Maybe she didn't find out on purpose."