Chapter 31 Chapter 73

At this moment, Ma Shengli in front of Li Daiyu has a ferocious appearance. His face is so big that it almost fills the entire visual screen. His eyes protrude like two light bulbs, staring at Li Daiyu like a ferocious animal. The lips sent out the words: "What did you say, is it true?" When Ma Shengli said this, the whites of Ma Shengli's eyes increased several times, and the horizontal lines on the black forehead looked like woodcuts.Li Daiyu sensed her own weakness and also her own ferocity, she said: "I will lie to you about this kind of thing?" Ma Shengli slumped on the chair.

It was night, and the desk lamp was on for no apparent reason.The mother is not there, and she is the only one living in the four-bedroom house.She and Ma Shengli looked at each other from a very close distance, and looked away again. They were facing a somewhat terrifying fact: Li Daiyu was pregnant.Ma Shengli grabbed his chin fiercely, with a very powerful expression on his face, his eyes pierced the desk in front of him like a knife, and the desk shattered in front of his eyes. After a pause, he pulled his eyes out of the desk, like two sticks of acetylene Staring at Li Daiyu like the flames from the welding torch, she asked, "Is there really no doubt?" Li Daiyu put her hands on her abdomen, and said indifferently and absently, "I have already been to the hospital." The room fell silent.At first, Li Daiyu felt chills all over her body, thinking she had a cold, but the chills continued, causing her whole body to shiver intermittently, and then she developed nausea. I also suspected that I had hepatitis.She went to the hospital and got a result worse than hepatitis. Until then, she connected the above symptoms with the two-month absence of menstruation.When she stumbled out of the hospital, it was dark.The streets were full of people, men and women reduced to thin strips, everyone's shadows strangely long, cars darting here and there like twisted toys.

She walked on the uneven road in a trance, and returned to Beiqing University in a daze. In the spring of 1970, there was still a big-character poster column in Beiqing University, and it was still one of the centers of the Cultural Revolution, but it was much deserted. The eighth and the sixty-ninth were assigned to farms, villages and factories all over the country.There were only dozens of students staying in the school, and Ma Shengli was squeezed among these dozens of people. The struggle to stay in Beijing was more difficult than being a rebel leader a few years ago.Most of the faculty and staff in the school were transferred to the May 7th Cadre School of Beiqing University in Jiangxi and Hunan, and the campus was empty.The bourgeois intellectuals have been purged, and plans are being made to recruit workers, peasants and soldiers from this summer.My mother was among the first to leave the Jiangxi Cadre School, and Li Daiyu herself was assigned to join the team in a rural area in the outer suburbs of Beijing.She ran back to the city from time to time and lived in her original home.Ma Shengli followed the military propaganda team and the labor propaganda team to manage the logistics in the school, and Ma Shengli held the keys to hundreds of dormitory rooms that were left empty.However, even though Ma Shengli had great skills, he couldn't write a letter of introduction for her to go to the hospital for an abortion.Without a letter of introduction from the unit, performing such an operation is similar to a "counter-revolutionary incident".It is as dangerous for a person to become pregnant illegally as to be politically "suicided from the people".

This incident was like a large steel ingot weighing several tons that crushed Ma Shengli, who had always boasted of being extremely strong.He put one arm on the table, bent his back, and stared blankly at the blush illuminated by the desk lamp. His lips protruded thickly because of his lack of energy, as if he had no energy to draw his own lips together. Everyone is depressed.Li Daiyu put her hands on her thighs, her elbows forward, and her upper body was sitting upright. She had already been frightened and had a nightmare. Now, she looked at the hero in front of her with resigned indifference, even in her heart. A little cold malice surfaced.If you enjoy it, you should bear it. No one should just try to be happy. This may be her inner monologue now.

The room looked very dim, and after my mother went to the cadre school, the house was even more empty, like ruins swept away by the wind and clouds.She and Ma Shengli gradually recovered a bit of the pattern of life. There were quilts on the small bed and oil, salt, sauce and vinegar in the kitchen, but the whole room was still ruled by emptiness and dust.Seeing Ma Shengli lying there in a daze, she even felt her arrogance and tallness, she was waiting for a living result to be born in the grotto-like room.In this grotto, there are only their two motionless stone statues, perhaps two Bodhisattvas, or two devils.The desk light shines down along the lampshade, and squinting can see the boundary it draws in the air. The light falls on the writing desk like a huge cone, and the part beyond the writing desk pours on the ground, bedside, legs and feet; Beyond the cone of light, there was a dark, shadowy chaos.

Ma Shengli propped his elbows on the table, hugged his head with a pair of big hands, his chin was almost pressed to the table, his ugly face stared straight at the books standing on the wall, he was stunned for a while, he seemed to wake up, and tried his best He wiped his mouth and blew his nose slightly, then dragged his chair and turned around, struggling with a little decisiveness in the lethargy, he said to Li Daiyu: "We have to take measures." Li Daiyu said coldly He said: "What measures to take? You go to open a letter of introduction, and I will go to the hospital." Ma Shengli scratched his slender head, scratching a strong smell of hair oil, he said: "This kind of introduction The letter will definitely not be opened." Li Daiyu said: "Then what letter of introduction can be issued? A letter of introduction for marriage registration?" Ma Shengli lowered his head even lower, scratching his head slowly in thought, and the smell of hair oil evaporated vigorously with.Li Daiyu smiled contemptuously and looked at him motionless.After a while, Ma Shengli raised his head and said: "It's definitely not possible now, I just stayed in school after a long time, if..."

Li Daiyu lowered her eyes and sneered, and said: "Of course, if you marry me, an 'educable child', you will be finished. Where are all the big words you used to say?" Ma Shengli sighed He took a breath, shook his hands and said, "I said that when the conditions are ripe, I will take power and reverse the case for your father, but the conditions are not ripe now." Li Daiyu nodded sarcastically, and said, "When did you mature? When did you take power? Can I still live to that day?" Ma Shengli's eyes were dazed again, he stared straight ahead, paused for a while, he suddenly cheered up, rubbed his face vigorously, blew his nose again, looked at Li Daiyu seriously and said: "Don't speak angry first." Now, let’s solve the problem first.” Li Daiyu said: “How to solve it?” Ma Shengli rolled his eyes with big black eyes, squinted and said, “Can you find a small hospital in the countryside for abortion?” Li Daiyu Said: "That's even more impossible. If you want to do it, you have to go to the county hospital. Now you don't have a letter of introduction. Who dares to do it for you?" Ma Shengli stopped there again. Li Daiyu looked at him, and then said: "Don't say If the letter of introduction cannot be issued, if the poor lower-middle peasants and educated youths in the village know about it, I will have to jump into the well the next day.”

Like a dog, Ma Shengli bent over with his elbows propped on his thighs, thought for a while, then raised his head and said to Li Daiyu, "Can I hide somewhere?" Li Daiyu said, "You let me hide for a year to give birth to the child Where can I hide? The dictatorship of the proletariat is everywhere, find me a place.” Ma Shengli rubbed his face dryly from forehead to chin a few times, shook his head, and said, “That’s right, we don’t even know each other. An obstetrician and gynecologist." Li Daiyu glanced at him, lowered her eyes and said, "I know, without a letter of introduction, who would dare to secretly do it for you?" Ma Shengli stood up heavily from the chair, rubbed his hands and walked back and forth in the room After walking a few steps, he put his hands behind his back and tried his best to make himself look a little more dignified. He looked around with his head up, like a chief thinking about a major issue, and finally spread his hands and said with a sigh: "Now the dictatorship of the proletariat is very strong. It can be drilled seamlessly." He slammed his chair and sat down, and said to Li Daiyu, "Let's take measures by ourselves." Li Daiyu was silent for a while, and said, "There is nothing to do, I have already read several medical books, we can do it ourselves Can't do both."

Ma Shengli said: "What methods are there for abortion?" Li Daiyu was silent for a while, and said: "There are two types: one is natural abortion, also called non-medical abortion; the other is artificial abortion, induced abortion I have to go to the hospital, and I have to issue a certificate when I go to the hospital.” Ma Shengli asked: “What are the non-medical methods of abortion?” Li Daiyu said a little impatiently: “Some people are born prone to miscarriage, and they want to conceive a child, but they are pregnant. If I can’t stop, I will have a miscarriage.” Ma Shengli looked at Li Daiyu and said, “It would be great if you did the same.” Li Daiyu said, “It’s not just whatever you want, I counted the time, and it’s been two months. It’s parked there quite stably.” Ma Shengli asked: “What else?” Li Daiyu said: “Pregnant women may have a miscarriage due to overwork.” “What else?” Ma Shengli’s eyes lit up, and then ask.Li Daiyu paused for a while, and said reluctantly: "Pregnant women may also have a miscarriage due to particularly strenuous exercise or strong stimulation of temperature." Ma Shengli blinked his eyes and thought, and continued to ask: "What else What about it?” Li Daiyu said: “Pregnant women may have a miscarriage if their bodies are hit hard, and some women may have a miscarriage after being severely beaten during pregnancy.”

Ma Shengli stared at Li Daiyu's lower abdomen, piercing his gaze like a knife.Li Daiyu shivered all over her body, sat back in terror, and said, "What do you want to do?" Ma Shengli withdrew his knife-like gaze, and suddenly seemed to have an idea. He sat up straight and said, "Let's use these methods." Try it." Li Daiyu looked at him vigilantly and said, "Are you going to beat me up?" Ma Shengli shook his head and said, "How can that be? Let's go for a long-distance run and climb Fragrant Hills." Li Daiyu said, "I'm afraid It doesn’t matter, I’ve been doing hundreds of squats and standing ups every day for the past few days, but it’s useless.” At this moment, Ma Shengli gained momentum, stood up straight, and said with a wave of his arms: “The amount of exercise is not enough, starting tomorrow , I will find time to take you to do a lot of exercise." Li Daiyu looked at Ma Shengli, although she also wanted to have a miscarriage as soon as possible, otherwise she would not be able to survive in the world, but she was obviously unwilling to let Ma Shengli get through the difficulties so easily. He should suffer more for this.

Early the next morning, Ma Shengli began to implement his plan. He waited in the Sun Moon Temple Park outside the north gate of Beiqing University. As soon as Li Daiyu arrived, he let Li Daiyu get on the back seat of the bicycle, and then rode fast He took Li Daiyu to the North Gate of the Summer Palace.As soon as they deposited their bicycles, they began to run long distances on the road along the Jingmi Canal where they had no acquaintances.Like a coach training young athletes, Ma Shengli led the race while cheering for Li Daiyu.Li Daiyu had never experienced such a large amount of exercise. She couldn't hold on watching the meter piles on the side of the road running down kilometer by kilometer. Ma Shengli urged on the side: "Keep on, keep on." She felt as if she was going to go limp all over, like a light and fluffy dress flung face-to-face in the air.She couldn't run anymore, she wanted to stop, but Ma Shengli grabbed her hand, pulled her to run, and supported her shoulders with both hands, pushing her to run.She staggered and ran while pushing, her neck seemed to be broken, and her knees were so numb that she lost all feeling. Finally, she threw herself on a willow tree by the roadside and vomited out of breath. When something came out, she grasped her throat with her hands and panted breathlessly, feeling as if her stomach was about to be spit out. Her heart was like a huge water tank, and she was contained in it, beating thud-thump-thump . Ma Shengli was lying on her face in black and strong, with big eyes dangling, and she heard him asking: "How is it? Are there any signs?" She knew that he was asking her if she had any signs of miscarriage.She shook her head. After several days of intense exercise, she showed no signs other than exhaustion and bouts of unstoppable nausea and vomiting.She checked her pants very carefully, they were surprisingly clean, without a trace of blood or secretions.Ma Shengli looked straight at Li Daiyu and said, "Let's exercise more." Li Daiyu said, "No, I won't run anymore. I won't be guilty of this. Let it do whatever it wants." Ma Shengli walked cautiously Come over, touch her shoulder and coax her: "Victory lies in the effort of persevering. Let's climb Xiangshan Mountain tomorrow." The next day, Ma Shengli took her to the north gate of the Summer Palace by bicycle, and as soon as he deposited the car, he took her to Xiangshan.It is seven or eight kilometers from the north gate of the Summer Palace to Fragrant Hills. Li Daiyu became weak at the thought of running such a long distance.Ma Shengli said with puffy eyes: "If we don't succeed today, we will be benevolent, and we will be tired to the end." In this way, Li Daiyu ran like a kite being led by someone, her legs fluttered like kite ribbons with.Running, it was raining in the warm spring, and Ma Shengli looked up at the leaden gray clouds with uneven shades, and said, "That's great, didn't you say that you may have a miscarriage due to fatigue, heavy exercise, and extreme cold and extreme heat?" ? We have all the factors today.” The rain started to rain heavily, and Li Daiyu was drenched like a drowned rat. The road under her feet was like a shallow river, and the small trees moved behind her with disheveled hair.Occasionally, a few bicycles fled in a hurry in the rain, and the cyclists turned their heads and cast astonished eyes.Some small houses on the side of the road ahead were faintly shaking in the rain, running and running, the small houses were approaching, but they were just empty small grass sheds, maybe small shops for retailing sundries on sunny days.Running forward again, a bus plate passed by, a bus stopped beside him, the door opened and closed again, and a person jumped out and ran wildly in the rain. The conductor showed his face through the window, looking curiously at these two people running like madmen in the rain.Li Daiyu couldn't care about anything else, she only had one thought in her mind, no matter what, she had had enough of this crime to make a result today. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and the white flowers closed the road between the small trees. The trees were swaying, and people were swaying.Li Daiyu couldn't run any longer, so she threw herself on a tree and vomited. Her stomach was already empty, and there was only a stream of sour water. She was so sick that she wanted to vomit out her entire stomach.Ma Shengli asked cautiously: "Do you feel it?" She shook her head, and at the same time she closed her eyes and added, "I don't know." This answer seemed to give Ma Shengli a glimmer of hope. , He asked: "What do you mean you don't know?" Li Daiyu continued to pant out of breath, her whole body was soaked by the cold water, and she really felt like she couldn't live."I'm going to die," she said. Ma Shengli asked, "What?" She said, "I'm going to run to my death." Ma Shengli blinked in the heavy rain and asked, "Where is that place?" Li Daiyu said: "The whole body is soaked, and I can't tell anything." Ma Shengli stretched out his hand to touch her lower abdomen and said, "You feel it." Li Daiyu reached into her trouser belt, touched her underpants, which were also soaked in water, and touched the troublesome part of the woman through the underpants. After feeling it, she withdrew her hand and slowly shook her head.Ma Shengli wiped the rainwater that fell on his face like a waterfall, looked at the stormy road and the farmland on both sides, and said, "Let's keep running." Li Daiyu raised her feet dizzily, like a little tadpole in the rain Swimming forward, this is a weak little tadpole. It shriveled up as it swam, and turned into a light and floating shadow of a tadpole. Slowly, people became extremely thin. Move slowly.On both sides, there are some houses moving up and down dimly. The rain is too heavy and the sky is too dark. Many houses are lit up. The dim light is like the forehead of an inexplicable person. A person is wearing a suit The translucent raincoat passed across the fork in front, which looked like faint blisters, or a float pulled out of the belly of a fish. Li Daiyu looked at the Xiangshan Mountain, which had disappeared in the vast rain, and felt that this was the most uncomfortable day in her life.When people feel uncomfortable to this extent, they have thoughts of death.Panting while hugging a tree, she collapsed and sat on the muddy ground.The rain had already washed away the fine soil, exposing many rocks, big and small, biting her buttocks. This kind of pain gave her a more or less real feeling amidst the numb dizziness. Ma Shengli was walking around, reaching out to pull her, but she shook off.Hearing Ma Shengli say: "It is dangerous to stop suddenly from strenuous exercise." She shook her head.Now it's not a strenuous exercise, but a long exercise, and she really can't stand up.Ma Shengli put his hands under her armpits and lifted her up.She stood softly, and as soon as Ma Shengli let go, she was ready to collapse on the ground again.Ma Shengli put his hands around her waist and hugged her, and she leaned on Ma Shengli's body dizzy. The heavy rain fell on her body, and she could feel the rain falling between their bodies. Flow down on both sides.She could feel Ma Shengli's body temperature, the rain was obviously getting colder and colder, and Ma Shengli's chest was ironing her warmly like a big soft iron.Ma Shengli said helplessly: "Don't run away, just walk to Xiangshan like this." The rain was getting heavier, and the shadow of the mountain was gradually seen in the shadows.When she was led by Ma Shengli, step by step, she walked through the steep uphill road in front of the gate of Xiangshan, and finally came to the gate of Xiangshan Park.There were no tourists, and the small window of the ticket office was closed. They entered Xiangshan Park in the rain and fog without buying a ticket. The pines and cypresses all over the mountain made a loud rustling sound in the rain, and Ma Shengli pulled her up the mountain step by step.The green brick road is as wide as one person, winding and extending up the mountain. The water flows down the road like a shallow river, turning into large or small waterfalls on every step.The ditches on both sides of the road have been gurgling with water, and the higher the climb, the water on the side of the road is like a steady stream of mountain springs, and there are gleaming white waterfalls splashing in several places with large drops.Li Daiyu seemed to have exhausted her entire life. She knelt down on a step and lay there. No matter how much Ma Shengli agitated and procrastinated, she could no longer stand up. Ma Shengli hugged her and sat with him. on the steps.The rain poured unevenly across the pine trees, and the downhill water from the road hit their buttocks from behind and flowed down their sides.Looking at the hazy rain scene at the foot of the mountain, they had climbed a certain height. Ma Shengli said, "Let's go on to the next step." Li Daiyu shook her head and said, "I want to give birth to it." Ma Shengli said "This is absolutely impossible." Li Daiyu said in a voice that seemed to be falling asleep: "Why don't I have the right to give birth? Why doesn't it have the right to give birth?" Ma Shengli said coaxingly: "Okay, okay, Don't express emotion, let's face the reality." As he spoke, he dragged Li Daiyu up. Li Daiyu felt like a ball of wet face lying on the bottom of the pelvis, stretched and thinned all of a sudden, the high part became her head, and the low part became her feet. She put half of her weight on Ma Shengli's shoulders, Climb up one step at a time.The rain was colder than before, but the rain-drenched mountains and trees exuded faint warmth like people.She knew in her heart: no matter what she wanted today, she wanted a result.The brick road in front disappeared and turned into steeper stone steps. The rainwater fell step by step on the rough stone steps, forming large and small waterfalls.Ma Shengli was obviously exhausted, but he gritted his teeth and continued to drag Li Daiyu up.At a steep bend, Ma Shengli stretched out his hand to grab a small tree on the side of the road. The tree was a little loose, so he had to free his other hand to grab the stone on the side of the road, and the limp Li Daiyu slipped down. Go downhill.Li Daiyu felt like a grinding wheel on a knife sharpener, spinning rapidly with a string of sparks, and like a ball rolling and jumping, and finally a floating jump, a golden light in front of her eyes, and she lost consciousness .After an unknown amount of time, she woke up. She was still on the mountain, and Ma Shengli had already carried her to a small pavilion halfway up the mountain.The surrounding rain was still falling endlessly, and the pavilion was like a big umbrella, with rain curtains hanging on all sides. Seeing Li Daiyu wake up, Ma Shengli was relieved, and he gently pressed Li Daiyu's forehead and back of the head.Only then did Li Daiyu realize that she had suffered multiple injuries on her head and body. She touched her wet face and stretched out her hand to see that there was blood in the water, and her wet blue trousers were also torn. Blood, wounds on the back of the hands and wrists, criss-crossing, horrible.She sat on the ground in a daze for a while, and suddenly buried her head on her knees and burst into tears.Ma Shengli sat side by side with her, watching the heavy white rain below the mountain, silent.After a while, seeing that she stopped crying, he asked cautiously: "Take another look, did you succeed?" Li Daiyu remained motionless and silent.Ma Shengli looked at her and remained motionless.After a long time, Li Daiyu untied her trouser belt, reached in to feel it, then lifted up her outer pants and underwear, looked in repeatedly, stared at the heavy rain in front of her, and said nothing.Ma Shengli waited for a long time and asked, "How is it?" She shook her head blankly. A few nights later, Ma Shengli came to Li Daiyu's house, and they were relatively silent in the room illuminated by the desk lights. Ma Shengli also learned to smoke cigarettes this time, smoking one after another, filling the room with smoke.After a while, he asked Li Daiyu to stand up. Li Daiyu thought that something was sitting under her buttocks, so she stood up and looked at Ma Shengli suspiciously. Ma Shengli stood in front of her, staring at her with piercing eyes, then suddenly raised his foot and kicked her on the stomach.With a scream, Li Daiyu collapsed on the ground and passed out, with a pool of blood dripping from her body.