Chapter 10 Chapter 52

After making an appointment with Lu Tiehan to meet at Tiananmen Square at 8:00 tonight, Mina felt empty and lost.She made the phone call in the reception room at the school gate, put down the phone, and walked back slowly in the shade of a tree in the summer afternoon sun, she even became depressed.From the first day of the Cultural Revolution last summer when she was singled out and criticized, for a year, she seemed to have been looking forward to a reunion with Lu Tiehan, which was her goal, even a very distant goal.Especially in the most painful six months of last year, this goal was like a beacon light far away on the turbulent sea in the dark night, erratically bringing her hope and imagination.Today, the goal is close in front of her eyes, but she is in a trance and lazy.

The sun shone brightly on the campus, and the main teaching building and the small playground in front were dull and hot.Since the military propaganda team was stationed in the school in the spring, the school has become more stable and orderly than before, and it is also more dull and numb than before.The whole campus is like this stupid heat, full of indescribable laziness and dullness.She was thinking, why didn't the upcoming meeting with Lu Tiehan arouse the slightest excitement?Is it because it took too long to numb her feelings?Lu Tiehan is now like her, the most nervous stage seems to have passed, and he is in the position of "stand aside".It was the day when there was no more massive criticism from the early days of the movement, and it was also the day when there was a day of insensitive desperation and anguish.During today's phone call, she heard the dryness, turbidity, and stagnation of Lu Tiehan's voice. In his calm and generous words, he revealed his expectation for this meeting. He said: "It's time for us to meet. It’s too long, one year.” She replied to him at the time: “Don’t be scared when you see me. The scars on my face haven’t faded yet.” Lu Tiehan said: “Do you still care about this now? We haven’t seen each other for a year Alright, let's have a chat."

When Mina heard Lu Tiehan say "we" for the first time, she felt a sense of intimacy that brought back memories, but also felt very strange and distant.After thinking about it, she agreed, because she seemed to have no reason to disagree.Arrange to meet at Tiananmen Square, as this is the least noticeable place.There must be neither too many nor too many people in Tiananmen Square at 8 o'clock in the evening. It is more appropriate to stand and talk for a while in the flow of people coming and going than to go to the park.Whether it's in broad daylight or in the quiet of the evening, meeting two people of different ages in a park will attract attention and is extremely inappropriate.At eight o'clock in the evening, Tiananmen Square was neither dark nor bright. Under the hazy light, the scars on her face would be blurred, and Lu Tiehan's eyes would not put too much pressure on her.Only then did she realize that the reason why she was depressed when she agreed to meet with Lu Tiehan might also be because of the scars on her face.

The yin and yang hairs have long since grown and become short, and have grown back, and now they are neck-length short hair.The two horizontal and three vertical scars on the face have been carefully maintained for nearly a year, and several layers of skin have faded, and they have finally grown and flattened, but there are still dark marks left, as if drawn by brown oil paint.Because of this scar, she was unwilling to meet a man who knew her in the past, especially a man like Lu Tiehan who had admired her appearance.At Beiqing Middle School, she no longer cares about the men and women in the school, because the people here are all seeing her come over with scars on her face. , it’s not very conspicuous.” However, once she walked out of the campus, the marks on her face often became obstacles to her actions.Masks can be worn in winter, spring and autumn, but not in summer.Platoon Leader Fan of the Military Propaganda Team walked towards him. He was a handsome young soldier with a square face and sharp brows.She looked at Platoon Leader Fan and said, "I'll go out after dinner today to see a classmate from the past." Platoon Leader Fan was wearing a military uniform, standing with his hands behind his back, nodded his head, and said, "Come back early."

In Beiqing Middle School, he is now the supreme leader, leading the whole school with ten or twenty soldiers.He looked around again pretending to be patrolling the entire campus, and said to Mina with a smile: "I have already greeted them in the library. If you want to borrow books, you can go." Mina felt another layer of meaning in Plato Leader Fan's smiling eyes, which added a different kind of excitement to her life these days.She no longer pretended to be crazy, because the military propaganda team liberated her and several teachers from the ranks of "ghosts and snakes" after a preliminary review and classification.Although she still went to work in the labor camp every day, her status changed. She became the deputy captain of the labor camp and helped the military propaganda team manage the labor camp.She had the opportunity to report to the platoon leader Fan frequently, and the platoon leader Fan often talked with her individually in the former principal's office with a smile on his face.Once, he asked her with a casual smile, "Before the Cultural Revolution, did you often go dancing on weekends? Who did you dance with?" There are very few dances, and they are organized by some central ministries and commissions. I also go there occasionally, and dance with whoever I meet. At that time, I just graduated and lived alone in the school, so I have nothing to do on weekends.” Platoon Leader Fan So he lit a cigarette, and looked at her with a smile through the smoke while smoking. That kind of gaze completely ignored the scars on her face, which made her feel very comfortable.Now, platoon leader Fan looked at her again, talked to her for a while by saying something related to the management of the labor camp, then glanced at her at last, and looked around with his hands behind his back. Go to the teaching building.

She walked through the campus path shrouded in tree shadows and returned to the girls' dormitory building.It was much darker and cooler in the corridor.I opened the door and entered my room. The first floor of the house was also shady, and the hot sweat along the way was evaporating in the shade.She stopped in front of the mirror hanging on the wall. She took off the mirror and put it on the table. She also sat down, touching and examining the scars on her face.She found that her eyes were still beautiful, her hair was still beautiful, her oval face was still pretty, and her scars were still very conspicuous, but she was used to seeing them and they were not eye-catching.She tried to look at it from a man's point of view again, thinking that any man seeing her for the first time, the scars would definitely catch his eyes, and if he was really used to seeing her, he would probably feel that apart from the scars, she was actually a good-looking young man. female.Plato Leader Fan's smiling eyes appeared before his eyes again.

What would she look like in Lu Tiehan's eyes?Lu Tiehan stood tall and tall in front of him, his eyes fell condescendingly, the scars on his face were touched by his eyes, and he felt uneven again.She couldn't help stroking the two horizontal and three vertical scars on her face again, and found that most of them were smooth.If everyone in the world interacts in the dim touch, she is still a perfect woman. She thought of how much she had longed for her hair to grow.When the shaved half of the Yin-Yang head slowly grew short hair, and after the long hair was shortened to make it even, the hair grew into its shape month by month. This brought her great comfort, but it was not enough Excited her as expected.She used to look forward to ending the days of "ghosts and snakes" every day and night.When one day she learned that she was "picked up" from the "ghosts and snakes", she was both happy and a little numb, and the strange thing was that she felt a little lost.She experienced this feeling of loss in her heart. When she thought that she no longer needed to pretend to be crazy, no longer needed to be watched by others, and no longer needed to live her life as a "ghost and snake god", she really felt like she had lost something.The feeling is the same as it is today.Thinking of this, she smiled distractedly in front of the mirror, that smile contained a hint of criticism towards herself, could it be that she was willing to be a "ghost and snake god" for the rest of her life?Pretending to be crazy forever?No, she wants to start a new life of her own.Platoon Leader Fan's smiling eyes and Lu Tiehan's tall figure emerged.She stood up at once, ready to dress herself up properly and go to see Lu Tiehan.Thinking of Lu Tiehan's dull, distressed, and lonely look on the phone, she felt that today she should not play the role of being censored, but the role of comforting, encouraging, stimulating and attracting men.

In the evening, she set off cleanly.During the Great Revolution, everything should be dressed the same as if she didn't dress up. She put on a newer short-sleeved white shirt, a light gray skirt with many red grape spots, combed her hair neatly, and set off. When I walked past the reception room at the school gate, I saw platoon leader Fan standing there with his hands behind his back talking to several teachers. He looked at her a little bit, and she gave him a slight smile of greeting, and walked away quickly. I took a bus to Muxidi, and then changed to another bus via Chang’an Avenue to Tian’anmen. The road was filled with a strong atmosphere of the Cultural Revolution, and large slogans were plastered on both sides. Among them, the slogan “Down with China’s biggest Khrushchev Liu Shaoqi” was the most eye-catching. .

Such large slogans were posted high up on several buildings and several large chimneys.Teams of students flowed on the road, spreading snowy leaflets to the side of the road.One propaganda van after another chased the bus and drove forward. The tweeters on the vans shouted the slogan "Down with Liu Shaoqi" along the way.Only then did Mina realize that this was the first time she had come to the streets of Beijing in a year.Since she became a "ghost and snake god" in the summer a year ago, she has been curled up like a mouse in the campus of Beiqing Middle School, being criticized, fighting, and living; even when she was freed recently, she never thought of going to the streets. It seems that going to the streets is no longer her right.Thinking of this, she thanked Lu Tiehan.Although the noisy atmosphere of the Cultural Revolution on the road made her tense, and she was often frightened when the propaganda van drove past, but finally realized that it had nothing to do with her, and took all this as a beautiful sight.After all, she has the right to go to the streets and watch the Great Revolution.

The car passed Xidan, Tiananmen Square was not far ahead, but it stopped.A world-shattering tweeter sound spread out a world full of people.All the passengers got out of the car.This section of Chang'an Avenue was so dark and crowded with people that it was almost impossible to see the end at a glance.Mina followed the flow of people hesitantly, and when she found that there was no danger in walking through the surging crowd, she followed the flow of people timidly.She finally saw clearly that the dense crowd surrounded Zhongnanhai Xinhua Gate and Chang'an Street on both sides, and the slogans of nearly a hundred tweeter trucks were all "Down with China's Khrushchev Liu Shaoqi."In the choppy student queue, she saw the banners and red flags of the Red Guards in many colleges and universities.The names of the Red Guard organizations in each school were also posted on the propaganda vans converted from trucks.At Xinhuamen, more than a dozen trucks lined up side by side to form a temporary rostrum, on which hung a red cloth banner with white characters tens of meters long: "Take Liu Frontline Headquarters", set up under the rostrum Hundreds of mat tents and canvas tents were erected, and it was the camp of the Red Guards who fought here day and night.Through the open tent door, many Red Guards could be seen sitting inside with dark faces and wet towels on their heads. They must have stayed up for more than one night.In the crowded sea of ​​people, some army medical personnel were carrying military medical backpacks, haunting mat tents and canvas tents.The loudspeakers on the publicity vehicles shouted slogans toward the red walls of Xinhua Gate and Zhongnanhai: "Fight Liu Shaoqi to the end, and we will not withdraw until we win a complete victory!" "Liu Shaoqi get out of Zhongnanhai!" "Down with China's largest Khrushchev!" Hearing a "most solemn statement", Liu Shaoqi was ordered to "get out of Zhongnanhai within 24 hours, otherwise all consequences will be at your own risk."

Mina walked in a little fright.Suddenly, she saw the propaganda vehicles, banners and red flags of the Red Guards of Beiqing University. On a publicity vehicle, a man with a long face and a large body made her tremble all over. It was Ma Shengli, and he was directing directions to a group of people under the vehicle.Something might have annoyed him, and he pointed to a place not far away and scolded something angrily.Mina felt her whole body being cramped, lowered her head in fear, and hurried forward through the dense crowd. Finally, we arrived at Tiananmen Square.Looking back, the black crowd almost spread to here.Under the reviewing stands on both sides of the Tiananmen Gate Tower were also posted huge slogans: "Down with China's Khrushchev Liu Shaoqi." This huge slogan faced the entire square, and the atmosphere of the Great Revolution was also on the square.Propaganda vehicles with Red Guards roared past with their loudspeakers blaring, and groups of Red Guards also strode past and gathered in the direction of Xinhua Gate.Mina felt that the appointment was at the wrong place. It seemed that Lu Tiehan was not fully aware of the revolutionary situation in Beijing.When she came to the monument at the appointed place, she relaxed slightly. Most of the people wandering in groups in the square were watching the revolution, not doing it. Recalling that when we crossed the Xinhua Gate just now, many citizens standing on the side of the road were also watching.She wiped the sweat from her face and neck with a handkerchief, straightened her sweaty hair, and slowed down to calm herself down.She was about to meet a show that had been on hiatus for a year. Before Lu Tiehan arrived, she looked at her watch, it was already a quarter past eight, out of date.Look at the sky, it's already dark, and the square is already full of lights.She was wondering whether Lu Tiehan had come and could not wait to leave, or if he hadn't come, when she saw Lu Tiehan walking slowly around the monument, raising his wrist to look at his watch while walking, and looking into the distance.He still looks tall, his posture is also upright, and his expression maintains the air of a deputy minister, but he looks older and darker than before, and the wrinkles on both sides of his mouth are deeper than before.Mina's emotions are very complicated in an instant, sometimes a sense of vicissitudes after a long time, and various tastes of bitterness and bitterness.Memories of past relationships, long-term forgetfulness of separation, concern for the other party, and pity for oneself all rise to the heart like smoke.Her immediate reaction was to walk over, but the two horizontal and three vertical scars on her face stood in front of her like a barbed wire fence. For the first time in a year, these scars seemed so powerful.A group of lights and figures in the square were dimly shaking, and she stood there without moving. Lu Tiehan walked with his hands behind his back, looking at the crowds that were not too thick and not too thin, looking at the brightly lit Great Hall of the People and the illuminated Tiananmen Gate Tower over there, as well as the "Pull Liu" in the direction of Chang'an Street. "Frontline" is crowded with people, and the tweeters come and go all the way here.He stopped, walked back and forth with his hands behind his back, raised his wrist to look at his watch, and lowered his head to think about something. The protruding forehead and grown face showed more age and haggardness.Probably the anxiety and disappointment of waiting made him think of something, his shoulders also bent, and he completely lost the demeanor of the deputy minister, like an old man who has done heavy physical labor all his life.The entire Tiananmen Square became a silent picture in a dream in front of Mina, and Lu Tiehan became a character in the silent picture.For a moment Mina lost her lucid sense of reality, and in a trance she felt herself walking forward on an unreal, sloping ground.Every step under the feet has no sense of reality, and every step seems to be empty, causing myself to wake up from the dream.She felt tears rising in her heart, and while she felt sorry for the other party, she also felt sorry for all the past stories between her and him. When she walked in front of Lu Tiehan on the shaky Tiananmen Square, Lu Tiehan turned around and saw her, and immediately showed a relieved expression.The two stood facing each other in the dimly lit Tiananmen Square. Mina lowered her eyes, not knowing what to say. Tears welled up in her eyes first. She hid behind the tears and thought about what she wanted to say, but she didn't say it.Lu Tiehan stared at her and said: "We haven't seen each other for more than a year, time flies so fast." Mina raised her head slightly, showing a smile, nodded, and tears flowed down normally.The scars on the face did not form any barrier to the tears, allowing them to flow down vertically and smoothly.More than a year ago, in the fountain of Sun Moon Temple Park, the deep ditch-like scar once blocked the rainwater flowing on his face. Now, the scar is flat after all.Because there were tears in her eyes and tears running down her face, the feeling of the traces of tears distracted her from the feeling of the scars, and the tears reflected the light in the flickering light, so there was a richer color of light in front of her eyes to decorate her expression. Lu Tiehan said in a serious voice: "I made you suffer." The voice fell on her together with a strong smell of cigarettes, which brought back bitter memories in her.She wiped the tears from her face with a handkerchief to calm herself.Lu Tiehan stretched out his hand to lightly wrap her shoulders, and said, "Let's talk while walking." Then, he withdrew his hand again, and the two slowly walked side by side in the square.Lu Tiehan said: "I am very happy to know that you have been liberated, and I want to see you." Mina thought of something sad again, and the tears flowed down again uncontrollably. This time, she wanted to cry loudly .Lu Tiehan looked around, patted her on the shoulder lightly, and said, "Don't cry now, it's inconvenient here." Mina stopped her tears quickly, wiped her eyes with a handkerchief, and held the handkerchief with both hands. Putting it in front of him, raised his face and shook his hair.Over there, the tweeters in the direction of Xinhua Gate were still ringing in the distance.They walked slowly around the monument, and the interdependent rhythm of walking side by side made Mina relive the old emotion. Although she felt that there was a disharmony between herself and this overly tall and burly man, there was something that revived in her heart that made her deeply nostalgic.This kind of nostalgia is her feeling of hiding in a warm nest, and she hopes to have a warm caress on her head.Seeing other little girls wriggling in front of their father's lap and being caressed by their father's smile often gave her this longing.However, she felt very unfamiliar with the two dancing together more than a year ago.As for the story of the two of them on the bed, she absolutely doesn't want to think about it now.A year of suffering has changed her emotions a lot.If she could throw herself into Lu Tiehan's arms when she was tortured at first, she would have been so excited, and would have dedicated her whole life to this warm and tall man. Now, she felt that there was a distance between the two.No amount of recollection of the intimacy of nurturing can completely erase the distance. They start talking.Lu Tiehan said: "I didn't expect Tiananmen Square to be so chaotic these two days, or I wouldn't have made an appointment here." Mina said: "Yes, I almost couldn't walk from Xinhua Gate just now." Lu Tiehan said: "They are defeating Liu Shaoqi." It ended badly." Mina said, "There are a lot of miserable people." Lu Tiehan said: "Yes, you are miserable." Mina said: "I'm better now, how about you?" Lu Tiehan said: "I can't tell." Mina looked at him: "Are you defeated?" Lu Tiehan said: "There was a big-character poster that knocked me down, but it's not the final decision, right now, just stand aside." Mina looked at him, Said: "Do you still go to work in the ministry every day?" Lu Tiehan said: "Most of the time you don't go. I will go if you tell me, and I won't go if you don't." Are you at home?" Lu Tiehan said: "Where else can I go?" Mina looked at Lu Tiehan, and found that his face was not only old and haggard, but also thinner, with sunken cheeks.I don't know if it's because of the light or because of his body, but his face is a little blue at this time, and his expression is a little dull.Mina asked: "Then what do you do at home every day?" Lu Tiehan said: "Reading books, planting flowers and plants." At this point, both of them were silent.Mina originally planned to be a woman who could comfort, encourage and stimulate people, but now, she didn't have much to say. After walking for a while, a whole family walked in front of them. A middle-aged couple led their elementary school daughter for a walk in the square.The daughter combed her long braids, holding the hands of her parents from left to right, and from time to time she would throw her body forward, supporting her body weight on her parents' hands.The parents supported her from left to right, and the little girl jumped like she was on parallel bars.Only then did Mina notice that some of the scattered crowd in the square took a walk in the shade.Over there, at the intersection of Chang’an Avenue where the Great Hall of the People and Zhongshan Park are located, there are still densely packed revolutionary crowds and noisy tweeters. This scene of family life in the atmosphere of the Great Revolution makes you feel that the world is full of strange things, and it is also step by step.The little girl with long braids suddenly let go of her parents' hands and ran forward. A white popsicle cart creaked past in front of her. The popsicle seller was an old woman in a white hat with a red and black face.The little girl ran over to buy three popsicles, happily held them high and ran back, giving one to each of her parents. Mina had a topic to talk to Lu Tiehan, she asked: "Is your family all right?" Lu Tiehan said: "That's it. Individuals are personal matters." After a while, he said: "It's good to have a home. You can always talk at home if you have something to say." Lu Tiehan walked slowly, and after a while, he sighed softly.Mina asked: "Aren't you talking to them?" Lu Tiehan lowered his eyes and thought for a while, then shook his head slightly.Seeing his tired eyes, Mina suddenly realized that Lu Tiehan was actually a man who didn't chat at home.Thinking of this, he felt more sympathy for his situation. He invited himself to come tonight, maybe he wanted to have a chat.A soft feeling rose in her heart, which was more or less like the feeling she had when she was holding a doll and coaxing and patting it when she was a child.She seemed to want to reach out and touch something gently, perhaps the doll.She seemed to see her hands shining again in a patch of sunlight.She said to Lu Tiehan: "Tell me about your situation." Lu Tiehan said: "There is nothing to say, that's all." Mina turned to look at Lu Tiehan and said: "Then tell me what you think .” Lu Tiehan took a few steps gloomyly, and said, “I can’t make up my mind.” The two stopped and looked at each other. Lu Tiehan avoided her gaze, raised his head with his hands behind his back, and looked at the Tiananmen Square shrouded in lights. The Qianmen Archery Tower, the History Museum and the Great Hall of the People all surrounded the wide square under the dark blue sky.Mina thought of something and said, "Wait a minute, I'm going to buy two popsicles." Then, she ran to the small cart selling popsicles. The old lady raised her black and red face under the white hat and asked Mina if she wanted When the bean popsicle was still the cream popsicle, there was a hint of horror in Mina's eyes.Her gaze stayed on Mina's face for a moment, which gave Mina a strong stimulus.The old lady's gaze touched the scars on her face, reminding her of the fact that she was disfigured.She insisted on standing there, watching the old lady open the white wooden box on the trolley, opened the insulation cotton pad inside, took out two popsicles, one of cream and one of orange, then closed the cotton pad and covered it. He closed the lid and handed the popsicle to her.In the process of handing over the popsicles to collect the money, the old lady took a quick look at her face again, this time there was not so much horror, but a clearer judgment.Mina felt that the old lady's gaze was as cold as a popsicle, and when she turned around and walked back with the popsicle, her mood was depressed, as if she was walking towards the abyss of death.When we met today, Lu Tiehan never paid the slightest attention to the scars on her face, which comforted her very much. She felt that at least her appearance under the night light did not surprise Lu Tiehan, but now she knew , it must be that Lu Tiehan deliberately did not stab her.She saw something kind in Lu Tiehan's old, thin, sad boredom and loneliness that made her feel kind. She walked up to Lu Tiehan, lowered her eyes and asked, "Do you want oranges or cream?" Lu Tiehan said, "It's both fine." Mina handed the cream popsicle to Lu Tiehan, and the two of them ate the popsicle and walked around the monument slowly.When the popsicles were finished, Mina took the small wooden stick in Lu Tiehan's hand, ran two steps and threw it into the trash can, and wiped her mouth with a handkerchief.Seeing Lu Tiehan wiping his lips with the back of his hand in embarrassment, she asked, "Did you bring a handkerchief?" Lu Tiehan pressed his trouser pocket and shook his head.Mina hesitated for a moment, handed over the handkerchief, and said, "You can wipe it off. But I've already wiped off my sweat, so it's not very clean." Lu Tiehan glanced at her, took it, and gently pressed the handkerchief around his mouth. After pressing it, and wiping his hands slightly, he returned it to Mina.The two walked slowly again.Mina absently refolded the handkerchief as she walked, tucking the wet part inside.In the process of folding, she seemed to smell the strong smoke of Lu Tiehan on the handkerchief.She held the handkerchief in her palm, turned to look at Lu Tiehan, and said, "Are you smoking more now than in the past?" Lu Tiehan nodded and said, "Yes." The two walked for a while, and Mina said, "It's too late, I should go." The two stopped facing each other.Lu Tiehan nodded and said: "See you later when you have time." Mina said: "Okay." Then asked: "Do you have anything else to say?" Lu Tiehan looked at her kindly and said: " The scars on your face are basically invisible." Mina lowered her eyes, and she knew it was comfort. Lu Tiehan said again: "I know one of the best dermatologists from Union Hospital, you can look for him again, he may help you." He informed the other party's name, phone number and address.Mina stood there with mixed feelings, remembering everything about the doctor. Lu Tiehan stood in front of her, standing a head taller than her. After a while, he stretched out his hand and stroked the top of Mina's head, and then gently stroked down along the back of her head. His big hand landed on her back. Through the thin summer clothes, she felt Out of the weight, heat and roughness of that big hand.The big hand patted her back lightly, expressing a little entrustment and love.It was only at this moment that Mina understood the other party's full friendship towards her. She lowered her head and rubbed her head against Lu Tiehan's chest. After a pause, she looked up at Lu Tiehan with her face full of tears. , broke up with him.