When I sent my mother to labor camp in the morning, although the weather was cold, it was still quiet.It was morning, but the sky was blowing a miserable cold wind.The swaying and swaying branches outside the window made Li Daiyu feel the coldness at home, and also thought that her mother was wearing less clothes.She first put on a thin padded jacket for herself, then picked up her mother's old padded jacket, and headed out of the house against the wind. Today, all the ghosts and monsters of the school are cleaning the garbage dump at the East School of Beiqing. When she arrived there, she saw that among the old, weak, sick and disabled working people, the mother was wearing a gray scarf like a staggering rural old woman, clumsily holding her hands. With a shovel, he shoveled a piece of garbage that was silted on the ground.Because she lacked strength, she propped the shovel on her legs, bent her knees, and dug with the weight of her whole body.This is a small forest, with trees as thick as arms growing. The rubbish dump next to it spreads over and mixes with the fallen leaves and soil, silting up the rainwater of a summer and autumn, and now it is a dirty piece.Li Daiyu came to her mother through the crowd in the labor camp, handed her the padded jacket and said, "Mom, put on the padded jacket."

Ruzhen was bending down to shovel the solid piece of garbage and mud. At this moment, she raised her eyes and glanced at her daughter, then continued to use force, and said, "I'm not cold." Her shovel finally penetrated deeply into the silt. In the rubbish and mud on the ground, she blushed and squeezed all her strength to pry and shovel, concentrating as if she was solving the biggest problem in front of her.Finally, the garbage and mud were pried up.She tried her best to throw the garbage and mud onto the garbage pile next to her.After the mud flew over, she held her shovel in her hand and stared at it for a long time, as if appreciating her great achievement.Then, she stood the shovel on the ground, wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, stared at her daughter with cystic eyes and said, "I don't need it, take it back." Hanfeng said, "You are not cold now, you will be cold when you rest later, I will put it here for you." Clothes worn when participating in the Four Cleansing Work Team.Li Daiyu rolled it up and put it on a tree branch.Mother looked around at the people who were working in the cold wind and facing the gray sand and said: "They don't have anyone to send clothes, I can't specialize." Li Daiyu said: "Didn't you see that they all wear more clothes than you?"

The mother looked around blankly. Many people had already put on cotton-padded jackets. Then she looked at herself. There were only two sweaters inside an old unlined garment. She looked at her daughter stupidly and said, "Then put it down." .” As he spoke, he picked up the shovel to shovel another piece of rubbish. The garbage and the mud were almost integrated. She shoveled the edge and finally inserted the head of the shovel. Then, she bent her knees and put the shovel on her thigh, prying and shoveling in with all her strength.That concentrated appearance is really like a big-headed doll who is absorbed in playing games.

Li Daiyu turned around and left. Her mother had already adapted to the life in the labor camp.Because she basically doesn't go to the criticism meeting, the labor of going out early and returning late every day has become the most serious work in her life.She never dared to be late for a day, and got up before dawn with the sound of the alarm clock.There wasn’t a single night when she didn’t hurry up to wash her face, feet, and sleep. She always said, “I’m going to work tomorrow.” She seemed to have completely forgotten about her husband’s suicide, and she had completely forgotten that she was a professor of psychology.She even had a kind of contented happiness in her half-numb and half-hard labor life.Every day when she returned home, she would talk about the fun of the day’s work. The posture of holding the shovel on her leg and prying vigorously just now was something she gradually learned in the labor reform.

It was the first time she mastered this method, and she told Li Daiyu excitedly after returning home.At that time, she was so passionate that she actually picked up a long-handled broom at home instead of a shovel, and set an example for her daughter.While using this gesture to symbolically shovel the dustpan on the ground, she looked up at her daughter and said, "This method is very scientific." She shoveled the broom between the dustpan and the concrete floor.The dustpan slid to the edge of the wall, so she shoveled and followed, and finally shoveled the dustpan onto the broom at the bottom of the wall.The garbage in the dustpan was spilled all over the floor, but she didn't care. She straightened up with the broom in her hand, and said to Li Daiyu, "This way the mud will be scooped up. When throwing it, you should rotate your arms around your body." Throw the dustpan across the room like mud.

The iron dustpan fell on the concrete floor with a clang, and she proudly said to Li Daiyu, "Look, I've lifted it quite far, right?" When she was so excited and wanted to continue performing, Li Daiyu said, "It's time for dinner." .”At the dinner table, my mother once again showed enthusiasm for talking about the invention of this technology, and she picked up the cooking shovel and gestured again.This time, I used the dish on the table as mud to shovel, holding the shovel with two hands, inserting it into the gap between the table and the dish, then prying up the shovel, and inserting the shovel under the dish at once.The plate slid across the table, blocked by the bowl, and she finally shoveled it up.Li Daiyu was afraid that she would smash the plate again, so she quickly reached out her hand to stop her.My mother was still sober this time, and said, "I'm just telling you this truth."

With that said, he put down the shovel.In the next few days, Li Daiyu will divert her enthusiasm for demonstrating this technical movement. Li Daiyu was walking on the campus of Beiqing East School, and sighed softly in her heart.People are really easy to adapt to the environment.Not only did the mother adapt to the status quo, but she seemed to adapt to the status quo.Her father's suicide was a crushing blow to her, and she lost her only support in the world.When she realized that she would never see her father's kind face again, her home became empty and desolate, and her life was also desolate.There was no place to enshrine her father's ashes, so she put it on his writing desk when he was alive.Feeling inappropriate again, he moved it to the empty bookcase, placed it in the middle of the bookcase, and covered it with a piece of black gauze.She put a postcard with a landscape printed on it behind the urn, and used this landscape to set up a cemetery for her father.When she was arranging things in silence, her mother stared at her with swollen eyes, then looked at the urn on the bookcase, and said, "Can you do this?" Seeing that Li Daiyu didn't say anything, she looked at it walked away.

That morning, when Li Daiyu woke up, she saw the stroller beside her bed.The pattern of red roses against the green leaves of the stroller is like a baby's dream in the light of the desk and the dawn outside the window.The small cart was very close to the table lamp, and the light filled the small cart like the wind.The illuminated canopy looked like a beautiful big lantern, which gave her many reveries.Suddenly, she heard a scream from her mother.She hurried to her mother's room and saw the confession letter left by her father and two letters to her mother. She ran into the study again and saw her father sleeping peacefully in front of the pile of books.She and her mother handed over her father's confession letter to the Red Guard Liaison Center of Beiqing University on the same day, and her mother asked her to hand in her father's long letter as well.The shortest letter was naturally destroyed as ordered, and now, all of this has passed indistinctly.The father committed suicide in fear of crime, and the nature of the mother is still unclear. The mother and daughter have adapted to all this in pain and numbness.

Li Daiyu absent-mindedly came to take a walk by the lotus pond of the Eastern School of Beiqing.There is no trace of gunpowder here, and the quiet path surrounds the lotus pond.The lotus in the pond has long been ruined, and the withered yellow leaves and a few withered yellow flower stems protruding from the water are telling the prophecy that winter is coming.College students in twos and threes wandered here in a casual manner.A boy was walking unsteadily, looking around absently, humming an inexplicable song.Li Daiyu thought as she walked, she lost her father, but she still survived.As long as a person is alive, can he survive without anything?Thinking of this, she felt cold and terrible, but also felt a little bit of purity and tranquility beyond trouble.Walking in this cold wind, my mood gradually improved.Surrounded by tall birch and poplar trees, the wind softened, and the sun struggled to change its shape, not trembling so much, and shining on this small landscape more steadily.Wearing a thin padded jacket and walking in the sun, she even felt warm.She was covered with a sky blue cloth dress outside her padded jacket, with dark blue sleeves on her arms, a pair of dark blue cloth trousers underneath, and black cloth shoes with loops on her feet.Walking through the scenery here, the asphalt road is very clean, and she is also very clean.

Just as she was walking warmly in the sunshine of early winter, the scene in front of her destroyed the clarity in her heart. She saw Lu Xiaolong walking slowly by the lotus pond side by side with a tall and beautiful girl. Through the sparse bare branches of the bushes, she could see Lu Xiaolong's confident and calm forehead and eyes. He was talking about something.The girl looked like a junior high school student, with the melancholy and shy sentimentality of a girl.Li Daiyu felt a little uncomfortable, her heart tightened as if being grabbed by a hand.From the intimacy of the two walking hand in hand, she naturally understood the special relationship between them.And the girl's beauty, which had to be noticed, really brought Li Daiyu a torment.Since high school, Li Daiyu has always been in love with Lu Xiaolong, and that was the first relationship she developed after gaining physical confidence as a girl.This feeling is ignorant and precious.Lu Xiaolong never paid attention to this. When he vigorously devoted himself to the Great Revolutionary Movement, the distance between them became more and more distant.

In the family misfortune that almost knocked her out of her mind, she was still more or less concerned about Lu Xiaolong.She enshrined him in a lofty place along with the revolution.Today, when she saw him casually holding a girl's hand, chatting and laughing, and seeing that girl bowing her head and following him closely, she felt her own humiliation.A kind of inferiority complex that has never been experienced is connected with the previous experience of inferiority complex.Her mind was in chaos and withered, just like when her house was ransacked. Lu Xiaolong and the girl walked to the pavilion by the lotus pond and sat down side by side. While talking, Lu Xiaolong put the girl's hand on his lap to caress, pinch and admire.He also rolled up the girl's sleeves, carefully squeezed her forearm from bottom to top, and from top to bottom, as if he wanted to find something.He took one of the girl's hands, put it to his lips and kissed it, and gently touched his cheek and chin with that hand, then, holding this hand, he patted his other hand.The applause from the hands of the two made both Lu Xiaolong and the girl laugh happily.Lu Xiaolong smiled comfortably like a big brother, while the girl smiled blushing with happiness.Then, Lu Xiaolong talked about something smugly, and the girl listened intently with her head tilted, looking at the bright lotus pond under the sunlight from time to time.Li Daiyu looked at the pavilion over there through the bushes and the lotus pond, and felt her heart tremble.She vaguely realized why Lu Xiaolong ignored her, and she saw her own appearance in the imaginary mirror.At this moment, she was standing there in a daze, the sun shivered again, the wind was bitter, and the hair that was neatly combed against the sun just now fell to pieces, and the heavy inferiority complex was like a stone tablet with its shadow on her heart superior. At this time, I heard the footsteps and voices of several people coming over, one of them was walking heavily, and then I heard the familiar voice of Ma Shengli.She looked up and saw a majestic Ma Shengli coming up the road, followed by four or five college students.Ma Shengli also spotted her in an instant. He stopped, waved to several people in his company, and said, "You guys go first, and I'll be there later." After saying that, he got off the main road and walked along the gentle slope path. The rolling stone came to Li Daiyu in a few steps. He stood there magnanimously, looked down at Li Daiyu and asked, "What are you doing here?" Li Daiyu involuntarily glanced at the pavilion again, and quickly turned her gaze back.Ma Shengli looked suspiciously across the bushes and lotus pond. His gaze reacted for a moment, and then he concentrated. He looked at Lu Xiaolong and the girl sitting in the pavilion with a livid face. He recognized the girl as Lu Minmin, his fourth daughter in the inner courtyard of No. 1 Lizi Hutong.He once ransacked her home, took off her armband, and posted the battle report of the raid on Beiqing University.Probably because the Cultural Revolution wanted to overthrow too many underworld figures, and the critique of this bourgeois literati, Lu Xiangling, became lively for a while before being overwhelmed by more and bigger topics.After not coming home for so long, he almost forgot about it.When he was discriminated against and humiliated, he would try every means to get revenge; but when he ransacked his home to achieve revenge, he more or less forgot about it.Now, when he saw Lu Xiaolong holding Lu Minmin's hand and talking triumphantly, his hatred and anger burned up. He squinted his eyes, aiming at the opposite side sinisterly like the muzzle of a gun, grabbed a branch with his hand, and made a vicious determination in his heart.Seeing Lu Xiaolong stretched his waist and stood up, took Lu Minmin's hand and turned away, he turned his gaze back to Li Daiyu.Li Daiyu had also been paying attention to Lu Xiaolong and the others' backs. At this moment, she turned to look at Ma Shengli, then lowered her eyes.It was only then that Ma Shengli thought of Li Daiyu's motives for being here, and his anger suddenly became big.He pointed at Li Daiyu condescendingly and said, "You've been looking at him all the time?" Li Daiyu looked up at him, then lowered her eyes, obviously she was not used to lying. Ma Shengli felt that his whole body was full of anger, and he said, "Why are you so shameless?" Li Daiyu bit her lips lightly, and looked in front of her eyes dimly.This unapologetic silence caused Ma Shengli to explode in anger, and he raised his hand and slapped Li Daiyu loudly.Li Daiyu covered her face, blood flowed from the corner of her mouth.She raised her face and looked at Ma Shengli timidly and with some hostility.She used to be very afraid of this evil spirit, but in today's situation, for the first time, she has a little strength to fight against him.Contempt for the opponent is implied in this power. Ma Shengli looked at no one around, and said furiously: "Why are you so cheap?" Li Daiyu took out a handkerchief and wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth, then wiped the blood from her hands, and said calmly, "I'm so cheap." What does it have to do with you?" Ma Shengli was trembling with anger, and he raised his hand again.Li Daiyu turned around.Ma Shengli saw the blood-red handprints on her face, and shouted: "I don't allow you to be so shameless!" Li Daiyu remained motionless.Ma Shengli took off the military belt tied around his waist. He, the leader of the Red Guards who is not a revolutionary soldier, now also put on an old military uniform.Li Daiyu glanced at the belt in his hand, Ma Shengli lifted the belt, restrained the anger in his heart, twitched her back gently, and shouted: "Do you understand me?" Li Daiyu didn't even look at him , Said: "I have nothing to do with you." Ma Shengli raised the belt, paused in the air for a few seconds without falling, and then slapped the bush in front of him, causing broken branches to splash."You're a bastard!" he yelled as he smoked. Li Daiyu turned her head and looked at his inexplicable rage.A broken branch collapsed and pierced the corner of Ma Shengli's eye. Ma Shengli stopped the belt in his hand, covered his eyes, then took his hand down, saw the blood in his hand, and touched the corner of his eye again.Li Daiyu saw a bloody gash there.Seeing her gaze, Ma Shengli became furious, picked up his belt and slapped her hard.This blow made Li Daiyu squat down on the ground, she touched her shoulder with her hand, and twisted with her eyes closed.Ma Shengli stood beside him with his belt hanging down, panting. There was silence by the lotus pond. After a while, Ma Shengli walked up to Li Daiyu and said, "I didn't intend to hit you." Li Daiyu struggled to stand up, touched her back with one hand, touched her face with the other, and said coldly with lowered eyes, "Did you Hit me." Ma Shengli looked at her and said, "I'll take you home." Li Daiyu said, "I, a shameless person, don't need others to send you." He shook the belt in his hand, Li Daiyu glanced at it, and said, "You can do whatever you want." Ma Shengli raised the belt in anger, paused in the air, and slapped it on his leg.Then, he stood there panting with a ferocious expression.Li Daiyu looked him up and down again, as if she didn't understand anything until now.For more than two months after his father passed away, every time Ma Shengli saw her, he would inevitably reprimand and discipline her viciously.As a result of all these disciplines, she unconsciously had a little control over Ma Shengli.