Chapter 31 Amy: Until Death (24)

I don't know why, she heard that he was going to have plastic surgery, just like hearing that he was going to have a heart change, she was very nervous for no reason, fearing that he would die on the operating table, or the more the plastic surgery would get worse, then she really answered the "hole" A sentence on the other side of "Dongguai" --- blinked and became blind. But she knew there was no other way, so she had to take this risk, as long as he didn't die on the operating table, no matter how ugly he was, she would still love him.The strange thing is that all her mental preparations were made in the direction that he would become more and more ugly. I don't know if it's because she doesn't believe in plastic surgery, or because she has a stronger tolerance for ugliness than for handsomeness. .

She knew that Huang Hai could only rely on himself to go abroad, so she started to arrange Jing Er and Zhuo Zhuo's family visits.People who came here persuaded her to do it one by one, not to have her son and her husband do it together, because that would make it impossible to do it.On the issue of whether to do the child first or to do the excellence first, she decided to seek the advice of the excellence. At that time, Zhuoyue’s situation had improved a little. He was transferred from the printing factory to the library. Although he still couldn’t get on the podium, he finally didn’t have to deal with the machines. It can be regarded as "walking swimming" in the ocean of knowledge.I don’t know whether it’s due to negligence, or in the spirit of seeking truth from facts, the library didn’t remove those journals that published Zhuoyue’s articles, so the biggest enjoyment of Zhuoyue now is to sit in the library where his articles are placed when he is free. In the corner, I took out a magazine that published his article, and looked at his name to reveal his god.

Long before she went abroad, Yao Xiaoping and Yan Jing were transferred to E University.Rigorousness was transferred with Yao Xiaoping, but Yao Xiaoping entered the high school affiliated to E University, while Yan Jing was admitted to the Department of Physical Education of E University because of her gymnastics skills, which made Yao Xiaoping dizzy with anger. You can only get into the attached middle school, but you can get into E University if you are rigorous? Yao Xiaoping first clamored to go abroad, but soon she was busy "coming out of the court", probably because her belly was about to show up, and she gave birth to a daughter soon after she got married, which made the two families happy from ear to ear.The daughter was still wearing a diaper, and she was rigorously formulating a grand plan on how to train her to become a national gymnastics star, which caused the couple to quarrel, because Yao Xiaoping was afraid that her daughter would break her spine during gymnastics.

Yao Xiaoping gave birth to a child, and Yao's mother naturally had to go to E City to take care of her, so Shi Yan had to hire another nanny.Later she went abroad, and the child was sent back to the "Dongdongguai" parents.Zhuoyou sometimes goes to see the children, and I heard that he has a good relationship with Jing'er, and Shi Yan's parents like him very much. When Shi Yan came to ask for Zhuoyou's advice, and to see who should go out first, Zhuoyou insisted that the child go abroad first: "Grandma and grandpa take good care of them, but the child is not with mother---I always feel a little pitiful---"

"Then you -- you'll have to wait again --" He said freely: "It doesn't matter if I wait, I'm used to this kind of life now, but the sooner the child is with you, the better. I've already said, it doesn't matter if you can get me out, Your words are enough to support me to live--" Just these few words made his image in her mind majestic.She didn't know if it was because he had become taller now, or if he was originally this tall, but she had no chance to find out. She originally wanted Huang Hai to take Jing'er to apply for a visa, but after their discussion, they still asked Zhuoyue to take her son to apply for a visa. One was afraid that her parents would not be happy to see Huang Hai, and the other was that the American visa officer would not be happy to see Huang Hai.

Excellence took his son to apply for a visa, and he signed it right away. According to him, several visas for their children were rejected at that time. reason?He said that he was already prepared to be rejected at that time, but when he heard that he had signed in, he almost thought he was crazy. After Jing'er signed the registration card, she stayed in the country for a while, because no one brought it out. Later, Huang Hai brought it out for her. At that time, Huang Hai had already signed the registration card. Just before the visa, he went for plastic surgery, so everyone said The last visa refusal was because of his appearance. This allusion once became a golden rule widely circulated in the "Trotsky" circle, which made the majority of "Trotsky" devote themselves to improving their own image scores. I don't know if it counts as beautifying the motherland. made a contribution.

Although Huang Hai sent Shi Yan the photos after plastic surgery, and she already remembered his face after plastic surgery by heart, but when she saw him at the airport, she still felt that she didn't recognize him, it wasn't that she didn't recognize his face, It's just that I can't match the person in front of me with the person hidden in my heart, and I always feel like I have made a mistake. Jing'er had also grown up, and she was a little Zhuoyou. She looked at two handsome boys, one big and one small, standing there looking around, dazed, not knowing how to go forward to say hello.Finally, she was sure that they were the two men she had been thinking about day and night, so she rushed up, not daring to touch the big one, but hugging the young one in her arms.

Huang Hai stretched out his arms to embrace both of them, she felt like being embraced by a stranger in public, her face turned red, until he whispered "The three stones finally meet!", she didn't She felt connected, but still felt as if the party organization had changed her contact person without notifying her. After living together for a few days, she got used to Huang Hai's new look. It should be said that something other than his appearance made her believe that it was Huang Hai.As soon as she got used to it, Huang Hai had to leave her to go to her school, which was hundreds of miles away. Huang Hai didn't have a car. She had a broken car, but she never drove long distance.She drove a long distance to see him at his place, but she was tired and nervous, so she dared not drive again. Later, he took the long distance bus to see her.

They didn't feel embarrassed to live the life of "long-distance trafficking" between the two places for too long. As if they were panicked by their conscience, they decided to start a spousal visit. sent it out.That weekend, Huang Hai came to P City where Shi Yan was located among a group of old blacks. After the two of them had a good time, she asked, "What should we do?" "I don't know, let's see who will do it first---" "What if Xiaofu is done first?" "Then find her a place to live." "What if Excellence comes first?"

"Then find him a place to live." The two said in unison: "What if they both do it at the same time?" After a wry smile, the two said at the same time: "Then find a place for the two of them to live." Xiao Fu successfully obtained a visa and booked an air ticket. There must be a lot of singing and dancing in China, but there is a flurry of activity in the United States.First of all, there is the issue of housing. It is easy to say "then find a place for her to live in", but it is not so simple to find it.Huang Hai is still living with someone else, it is a bedroom in a two-bedroom, one-living room, because it is relatively close to the campus, the rent is very expensive, and it is impossible to return it halfway, if you rent another room for Xiaofu, even if it is such a shared room The cost of a single room is too high, and Huang Hai's scholarship can't afford it.

Shi Yan couldn't think of any other solution, so she suggested: "Let her share a room with you---" Huang Hai was a little hesitant: "I'm afraid it's inconvenient---" "You said that she has her own world. There is no you in her world, only Gao Ming. She is not interested in you. Don't you have any confidence in yourself?" "I'm fine, I'm afraid you --- unhappy ---" "What's wrong with me? I believe you're Huang Xiahui, and besides, she's your wife. It's only natural for you to --- do ---" He teased her: "Are you trying to build a reputation for yourself --?" The two of you teased me and I teased you for a while, saying that the other party had ghosts in mind, and both declared that they had absolutely no interest in sharing the bed with their spouses. The two finally decided to contact Gao Ming first, and if they could send Xiaofu there, That's the best.If it doesn't work, find someone to share with Xiaofu, if not, I have to share with Huang Hai. When Shi Yan called Yao Xiaoping, talking about this matter, Yao Xiaoping firmly opposed Huang Hai and Xiao Fu living together, not to mention sharing the same room, even living in the same house: "Men are not like women. If women don't If he likes someone, it's useless for him to dangle naked in front of her, unless he uses force. But whether a man likes a woman or not, he can't bear to rub his hands with her. The two of them live in a room House, Xiaofu is the former flower, and Huang Hai has become a 'silly'. Doesn't that mean forcing the two of them into the bridal chamber? If you are close and keep an eye on the side, there is still a possibility Avoid accidents. Since you are so far apart, sooner or later the two of them will make it—” She knew that what Yao Xiaoping said was right, but she felt that the loyalty gained by the forced separation technique was meaningless.Of course, it’s best not to deliberately put a man and a woman in the same room for testing. It’s not that the loyalty tested like that is nothing, but you can’t know the result of the test, what happened in that closed room, You can never know the truth, isn't that making yourself cranky? She decided not to ask about this matter. The matter between Huang Hai and his wife is for them to decide. Revolution depends on self-consciousness. Forced love is not called love. Who knew that Huang Hai and his wife couldn't make a decision about their husband and wife, and she was the one to decide in the end. When Xiao Fu came to the United States, Huang Hai's several measures had not been realized, so he had to squeeze into Huang Hai's bedroom first.Huang Hai let Xiaofu sleep on the bed, and he made the floor on the floor by himself.But Xiao Fu resolutely refused to do it, guarding his body like a diamond, wearing his clothes, and sitting there vigilantly complaining: "We have a word first, and you just send me out of the country, without any additional conditions---" Huang Hai said in a statement: "I didn't ask for any additional conditions. I just have limited financial resources and am not able to rent a separate room for you for the time being---" Xiao Fu insisted: "That's impossible! You use US dollars, and your financial conditions are limited?" Seeing that he couldn't explain clearly, Huang Hai had no choice but to discuss with the buddies who lived in the living room to see if it was possible to lay a floor in the living room and pay half of the rent in the future.The buddies who lived in the living room were originally the ones who saved money, but now that they heard that they could save money further, they naturally had no objection, so Huang Hai made a floor shop in the living room. But Xiaofu was still worried, and said loudly through the bedroom door: "I can't live here, it's full of men, it's not safe for me to live here, I want to live in my own room---" The few people who lived with me had already seen a little trick, and said bluntly: "Don't worry, even if you open the door and take off your clothes, we won't touch you---" Xiao Fu burst into tears, called them "hooligans", called their house a "rogue's lair", said Huang Hai was a "liar" and tricked her into the rogue's lair, and demanded an apology from them all, and Huang Hai honored his promise. Promise, take her to her "own room" now. Everyone in the room was annoyed, thinking that she had disturbed them so that they could not sleep well.Huang Hai said good things on both sides, telling everyone not to be as knowledgeable as Xiao Fu, and promised that Xiao Fu would take her to her "own room" tomorrow, and then threatened her, saying that if she continued to make trouble, she would call the police and be driven to the street , Wait, wait, Xiao Fu reluctantly calmed down. Early the next morning, Huang Hai took Xiao Fu and all her belongings to Shi Yan's side by car, and asked Shi Yan to take Xiao Fu in temporarily, otherwise he would really have no way out.Because Shi Yan has a child, it is difficult to find a roommate, and in order to facilitate Huang Hai's visit, and she has a car, she rented a one-bedroom and one living room far away from the school.Now that Xiao Fu is here, she originally wanted Xiao Fu to live in the living room, but Xiao Fu firmly disagreed. It seemed that she even looked down on her bedroom, and she must live in "her own room".Shi Huang and the two teamed up, one singing bad face and the other singing red face, bluffing and intimidating, both soft and hard, finally let Xiao Fu reluctantly live in Shi Yan's bedroom. Fortunately, except for a higher standard of living and being picky about food and clothing, Xiaofu has no other bad habits. He doesn't smoke, drink or take drugs, and doesn't interfere with Shi Huang's private life. go down. Huang Hai had been inquiring about the whereabouts of Xiao Fu's Prince Charming, Gao Ming, and he had already found it.Gao Ming was a postdoctoral fellow at University of N, married and divorced. His ex-wife was a Chinese immigrated to the United States from Hong Kong and worked in a factory. He gritted his teeth and got married.But people are not as good as God. Gao Ming got married shortly after the June 4 incident broke out. The US government decided to issue green cards to all Chinese who came to the United States before April 1990. Gao Ming is really sitting at home, and his blessings come from heaven. The identity issue was resolved by the students who went on a hunger strike and sit-in in front of Tiananmen Square. Naturally, the daughter-in-law who was as short as a "child bride" and as thin as a "contract worker" was no longer needed, so she planned to divorce. I don't know if the daughter-in-law smelled something, but the daughter-in-law took the lead and found a dark, thin and short lover, and put a green hat on Gao Ming.Naturally, the two got divorced, but Gao Ming was not a human being in the local Chinese circle, and his will was very depressed.When Huang Hai contacted Gao Ming and told him the story of how Xiao Fu loves him all these years, Gao Ming was very moved, but he didn't believe that Huang Hai would really send Xiao Fu abroad to send him for nothing, and he didn't want to either. I went back to China and gave myself to Xiaofu for free, so there was no more content at that time. Now that Xiaofu has arrived in the United States, Huang Hai impatiently told Gao Ming the news. Gao Ming hesitated for a while, not knowing which mill he was sitting on, and finally drove to see Xiaofu from N University.When Xiao Fu saw Gao Ming, his affection was revealed; when Gao Ming saw Xiao Fu, he was overjoyed.The two hit it off and sent themselves to the bridal chamber. But Shi Yan was disappointed, and felt that Gao Ming was not worthy of Xiao Fu at all, at least in terms of appearance, because Gao Ming looked much older and vulgar, while Xiao Fu might have maintained the state of mind of many years ago. Not many traces were left on her body, she was still so pure, it was like a flower stuck in cow dung. The two couples spent two days together, Gao Ming drove back to N University, and brought Xiao Fu with him.Shi and Huang danced with joy, 33% were happy for Gao Ming, 33% were happy for Xiao Fu, and the remaining 34% were happy for themselves, feeling this fate The God of God smiled at them with his mouth open, and he couldn't close his mouth from ear to ear when he smiled, making them do good things again and again.The two swore that if Zhuoyue came and set up another family in such a smooth way, then they would offer up the two mandarin duck stones and worship every day. It took a little effort for Joyo to apply for a passport, but it was finally done.Shi Yan learned Huang Hai's lesson, and before going to get a visa, she called Zhuo Zhuo and told him all about her current situation, and asked him to consider whether he should come to the United States or not. Zhuoyou seemed to be determined to come to the United States. After hearing about her relationship with Huang Hai, he didn't change his mind. He just said calmly, "I've known about your relationship with him for a long time, and I've already agreed to it, so I am especially moved because of you. Don’t worry, I will not become your burden when I come to the United States, nor will it interfere with your life. I just want to leave China, for myself and for my mother The reason she survived all these years is because you promised to let me go abroad, so I must come to the United States. When I become a good person, I will also bring her old man to the United States for a few days of comfortable life---" "Since this is the case, let me start looking for a place for you." Zhuoyou firmly disagreed with letting her find a place for him, saying that he knew that her rent was expensive, and he could not let her spend so much extra money: "I will not come to the United States to eat for free, I rely on you to support me. I will stay at your house first. Live in the living room or the kitchen or toilet for a few days, immediately look for a job, and move out as soon as you find it. Don’t you still trust me? Have I—when—forced you in that regard?” "I'm not saying you'd --- force me, it's just --- inconvenient ---" she explained. He immediately understood: "If you are afraid that it will be inconvenient for Huang Hai to come, then you can rest assured that since I have accepted it ideologically, I will not do anything---inappropriate things---he didn't stop me You --- let me go abroad --- I'm already --- thank him very, very much ---. You see if this works, I'll stay with you first, if I --- show something --- If it is inappropriate --- you can throw me out again --- return to the country --- it is not too late --- " When she talked about this with Huang Hai, Huang Hai was quite calm: "I also think it's nothing. I wanted to find a house for him earlier because I was afraid that he --- would feel uncomfortable seeing us together. Now that he's looked away, I don't care anymore. .If that doesn't work, you can put him in my place--" So Zhuo Liang lived in Shi Yan's living room. Jinger has always called Huang Hai "DADDY". Now that Zhuoyue is here, Shi Yan is worried that he doesn't know what Jinger should call him, but Jinger finds a name for him and calls him "PAPA".Jinger seems to still remember Zhuoyou, knowing that this person is the person he called "Dad" before, so he didn't feel strange, and just changed "Dad" to a more English pronunciation, which solved a problem that Shi Yan could not solve. problem. Zhuoyou kept his promise and wanted to find a job as soon as he arrived, but Shi and Huang had already discussed it and suggested that he should not go to work, calm down and review the TOEFL GRE, and try to get a degree as soon as possible, that is the long-term solution.If you go to work as soon as you come, you may be able to make some money, but you will never be able to solve the identity problem, and you will never be able to support yourself in the United States. Zhuoyou didn't object, and began to review obediently.Shi Yan seems to have returned to the old days, seeing Zhuo Liang reading a book every day, and she is still cooking, washing dishes and doing housework every day, the difference is that she and her son sleep in the bedroom at night, while he sleeps in the living room. In the first week, Huang Hai didn't have the nerve to come over.In the second week, she drove to the Yellow Sea.She didn't like that place either. Although Huang Hai had his "own room", there were male compatriots living in the other rooms and the living room, so it was inconvenient to take a shower or go to the toilet.Jing'er was not young anymore, and the three of them squeezed together on the same bed, which was quite embarrassing. Later, Excellence offered to help take care of the child and let her go to meet Huang Hai alone.She was worried at first, but later she saw that he took care of the children very well, but he didn't know how to cook. As long as she prepared the food for the two of them, the father and son would be alive and well when she came back.Every time before she leaves, he will pick up the child from her, and then say: "Son, come and play with PAPA, and mom will go to see DADDY. Say goodbye to mom, and drive carefully!", which made her feel very uncomfortable, and would rather He glared at her, or swore at her. Later, Huang Hai also bought a car, so Huang Hai drove over to see her instead.But Huang Hai refused to live with her, saying that he was afraid that Teacher Zhuo would feel uncomfortable: "He is living with you now and depends on you for support. He must have the feeling of being dependent on others in his heart. If I 'bully' come to the door like this, he won't say anything. , how can you not feel uncomfortable?" So they cheated and went outside for a tryst. The location was in a small motel beside the highway, and the price was relatively cheap.Sometimes she would take her children to see DADDY, and Huang Hai would come to her place during holidays, and the four of them had a holiday together, but Huang Hai had never stayed at her house since Zhuo Zhuo came. Zhuoyo reviewed for a period of time, and passed the TOEFL and GRE exams very smoothly. Although he was not so outstanding, it was enough to apply for admission in the United States.Both she and Huang Hai wanted him to study a major that would be easy to find a job, but he insisted on choosing politics as his major, saying that he only liked politics, and he would definitely not be able to do anything else if he was asked to, so he entered the major of politics to study for a Ph.D. . At the beginning, he didn't get a scholarship, only the tuition fee was exempted, so he still lived with her. Later, when he got the scholarship, he consciously found a place to live and moved out. Shi and Huang thought that communism had been realized, and they began to plan for divorce and remarriage. Unexpectedly, extreme joy gave rise to sorrow, and the two babies who seemed to have "stand on their own" suddenly made a comeback, hitting them with a "failure". First, Xiaofu called Huang Hai, saying that she "can't take it anymore", and asked him to pick her up.Gao Ming also called Huang Hai, saying that he "can't stand it anymore" and wanted to send Xiaofu back to Huang Hai.Shi and Huang acted as "marriage and love counseling experts" on the phone for a period of time, persuading east and west, south and north, hitting and touching a few times, using both Eastern and Western theories, but finally returned to heaven Powerless, Gao Ming drove Xiaofu back, and following the principle of "communities come and go, teams come and teams go", he kept sending Xiaofu back to the place where he "collected goods" before: Shi Yan's home. Shi Yan didn't bother to complain anymore, it was useless, maybe she was born to serve someone, in China she served Excellence, after she came out, she first served Xiaofu, then Zhuozhuo, now she has just served Excellence to become self-reliant, Xiaofu back again.Her requirements are very low now, as long as the people being served don't make trouble or find fault with her, she will admit it. Anyway, the food in the United States is not expensive, and she can handle one more person. Shi Yan was a little worried that Xiaofu would collapse. The person who loved him for so many years turned out to be so dissatisfied to Xiaofu. Doesn't that mean taking away Xiaofu's spiritual support for these years?If Xiaofu breaks down mentally and becomes crazy, then her life will be very difficult. Fortunately, Xiao Fu seems to have cultivated an indestructible body, and still lives in her own world, peaceful and happy, as before.The time spent with Gao Ming in the United States seems to have left no traces on Xiao Fu's fairy tale world. When talking about it with Shi Yan, Xiao Fu talked about Gao Ming before going abroad, and used all praise words, Occasionally speaking of these days in the United States, Xiaofu always uses FRANK to address him, using derogatory terms.The cleverness in Xiaofu's mind is not so many times better than this Frank. In short, even Frank is not worthy to lift Gao Ming's shoes. Now Shi Yan is sitting in the manor, Huang Hai drove over to meet the leader, they lived in the living room, and Xiao Fu lived in the bedroom, so they lived in peace. But not long after such days, Zhuo Liang came to the door with a dejected expression, saying that he had a brain tumor.He said that he actually had symptoms before moving out from her, but he didn't know it.At that time, his breasts suddenly swelled, his nipples were itchy, and sometimes there was discharge. He only said that he had rejuvenated, entered the second puberty, and started to develop again. He was secretly happy, but he didn't know that it was something growing in his brain sign.Later, he often felt headaches and brain swelling, thinking that he was overworked, so he didn't pay much attention to it.But recently, he had a headache so bad that he wanted to kill someone, so he went to see a doctor, only to find out that he had a tumor in his brain. She couldn't believe it no matter what, this was too much like the plot in a third-rate novel, but he had the test results, he was definitely not lying, and his person did not look right, as if he was swollen and fat, he said it was tumor oppression Somewhere in my mind.He was sitting on the sofa, Jing'er was leaning against him, the big one and the young Joyoung were looking at her so sadly, that scene was unforgettable for her forever.She didn't know if Jing'er understood what a brain tumor was, but Jing'er seemed to be able to sense his father's emotions innately. When his father was happy, he was also happy, and when his father was worried, he was also worried. I don't know if it's imitation or genetic. Jinger seems to be very sensitive since she was a child, she especially values ​​family affection, and always wants to bind everyone together. Once there is such a person who is not together, Jinger will worry for no reason, thinking that he has offended the one who left. people.After Zhuoyue came to the United States from China, Huang Hai seldom appeared, and Jinger panicked, always asking why DADDY didn't come?Is it because DADDY doesn't like Jinger anymore?She couldn't explain clearly to the child, so she took Jing'er to see Huang Hai.Later, Zhuoyue got a scholarship and moved out, and Jinger asked PAPA why she didn't come, did PAPA not like Jinger anymore?She had no choice but to ask Zhuoyue to visit Jinger every week. The days when both PAPA and DADDY were there were Jinger's happiest days, and she might have boasted about it among the children, and it was probably passed on by the children to their parents.So a classmate named MIKE told Jinger that the mother must be a whore for a child with two fathers.Jing'er came back and asked her if it was "WHORE". She asked the reason, got dizzy, and went to the child's house to complain, but was scolded by the child's parents. Seeing her aggrieved and crying, Jinger comforted her and said: "Mommy, Jack said it is OK to have two fathers, a daddy and a papa. I have two fathers because Im a better boy than others, right?" She knew that JACK was a friend that Jinger made up for herself. When no one was playing with him, he played with JACK. He divided the toys into two parts, one for JACK and one for himself. Sometimes they played separately. Everyone, sometimes play together, sometimes take turns to play.She knows that most children nowadays are lonely, so she tries to play with them as much as possible.But in a child's world, it is not enough to have adults alone, and children are needed.She has always wanted to give Jing'er a younger brother or younger sister so that he can have a companion, but she is very busy studying, the divorce has not been settled, and this and that are crowded with her, so there has never been a chance to have a baby. . Now that Jing'er is looking at her so sadly, it makes her heartbroken more than his father looking at her like this, as if begging her to save PAPA.Holding back her tears, she comforted Jinger and said: "PAPA is fine, he just needs to rest, mom will take care of PAPA---" Zhuoyou still insisted on attending classes for a few days, but it seemed that he was really like what others said, he was afraid of finding out about tumors.When you don't find it, you can still hold on, but once you find it, you will collapse immediately.Excellence also responded to this sentence, and collapsed as soon as it was checked out.After Shi Yan discussed with Huang Hai, Huang Hai rented a one-bedroom, one-living room house, took Xiaofu over, and asked Zhuoyue to move back to Shi Yan's house for easy care. After an operation, things got better.But the doctor also made it very clear that the possibility of recurrence is very high. Once the disease spreads, there is no cure, and chemotherapy must be continued. After being discharged from the hospital, Zhuo Zhuo discussed with her: "I want to bring my mother to the United States to play once in my lifetime, to fulfill one of her wishes, and to fulfill one of my wishes---" She reassured him, "Don't think it's so scary, you're doing well—" "But I know this 'nice' is only temporary. Even if I don't die immediately, I will look more and more ugly, I will get fatter, and my hair will fall more and more. At that time, I will not be able to pick her up to play Yan'er, please, let my mother come here to see me--- let's have a family of three, she will be relieved when she sees that the three of us live happily together. After I die, please don't put The news of my death told her to let her spend her old age peacefully under the care of my sister. Don't worry, I only let her stay here for one month, so please fulfill my request---" She couldn't think of any reason to refuse his request, so she agreed with tears. He said gratefully: "Yan'er, thank you! Thank you!", which made her burst into tears. Of course, Huang Hai fully supported her and told her to take care of Teacher Zhuo, Aunt Qiao, and Jing'er wholeheartedly. He would wait for her there with peace of mind. Aunt Qiao came to the United States with a student who returned to China to visit relatives. It seems that she is recovering well. Except for a crooked mouth and a weak left leg and left hand, she is pretty good in other aspects. After Aunt Qiao came, she must take Jing'er to sleep, saying that the child is so old and understands everything, so it's not good to sleep with his parents.Jing'er is also very well-behaved, he has hardly met his grandma, but he is also very close to grandma, grandma asked him if he would like to sleep with grandma, he asked what "yes" means, and immediately said: "yes." Shi Yan couldn't object, so she decided to pretend that she had to act like one, so she went to bed with Zhuoyou in the bedroom. On the first night, the two of them did not interfere with each other, but they didn't fall asleep much.On the second night, Zhuo Liang reached out to hug her, but she avoided it.On the third night, Zhuo Liang came to hug her again and told her, "I've taken so many medicines and injections, I can't --- that, I just want to sleep with you again in my lifetime." Sleep---- " She didn't shirk anymore.He hugged her very well, just hugging, telling her his life and feelings over the years, how sad he felt every time he saw her go out to meet the Yellow Sea, how many nights he stood in her bedroom Wept outside the door, and then went back to his own bed, recalling their past, solving himself, telling how he missed her when he was locked in prison, how he called her in his heart when he fell in front of the M County Public Security Bureau name.He talked and cried all the way, and she listened and cried all the way. Finally he asked: "Yan'er, why don't you love me? What is wrong with me?" She refused to tell, but he insisted that she tell, otherwise he would die without peace of mind.She had no choice but to talk about her feelings at that time. He held her in tears and asked her: "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why didn't you tell me earlier? You told me, I can correct it! I do I have done so many things you don't like, isn't it all to keep you? I just don't know how you want me to love you, but I am willing to love you like you like! Those you like , Nothing is difficult, I can do it, why didn't you tell me how you like me and how I love you?" She originally wanted to say, "I told you, so you know what kind of love I like, so what's the point?", she also wanted to say, "You haven't changed it until now, and you still don't admit your mistakes. Blame everything on others. ", but she didn't say anything, maybe he is a perfectionist and can't tolerate his own mistakes, so he must shift the responsibility to others, otherwise his conscience will be disturbed, why should she pester who at this moment responsibility? "It was my fault, I wish I had told you then," she admitted. He was very relieved: "It's not too late to tell me now, I still have time to learn to love you in the way you like in my lifetime." They slept like this for a few nights, and one night, he offered to serve her with his hands: "I'm a useless person now, and I can't love you like a normal man, but I still have hands that can make you feel comfortable." ---" She resolutely refused, and he didn't insist anymore, still sleeping with his arms around her, and every morning he would wake up and say: "I have one less day in this world---but I have another night of happiness---" She had heard that "a man is dying, his words are good", but she felt that his situation seemed to be "a man is dying, his words are poetry", and she didn't know that he purposely made his words so romantic and poetic to move him Her, or people will burst into poetry when they feel that life is not long. In short, many of his words can make her tears well up.Sometimes when she saw him trying to pretend to be happy and healthy in front of his mother, tears welled up in her eyes, and she had to hide in the kitchen or the bathroom to cry for a while. When the month was approaching, she offered to let Aunt Qiao play for a while, so that the ticket could be extended.He was overjoyed: "Are you --- not afraid --- is he in a hurry?" She knew who "he" was, and she missed "him" very much, but she couldn't bear to let Aunt Qiao go now, because if Aunt Qiao left, she might never see her son again.Think about her Jing'er, if one day, she will never see Jing'er, what kind of disaster it will be! She said: "It's rare for the old man to come here. During your time---the situation is very good. She won't see the flaws, let her --- play for a few more days ---" During that time, in order not to let his mother see the flaws, he didn't even take the medicine, because taking the medicine would have side effects such as nausea and vomiting, and his mother would see the problem.She advised him not to do this, so as not to aggravate his condition, but he insisted: "No matter how much I insist on taking medicine, I will not live a few more days. Let my mother live a few more days." One night, when they were sleeping with each other like that again, he grabbed her hand, put it on his part, and said pleasantly: "Yan'er, it woke up! You woke it up! It knows I want to Love you the way you like once in your lifetime, and let you know that I can love like you like—” She couldn't refuse, so he granted his wish.He loved her in the way she liked, but he was so tired and sweaty and out of breath just after doing it for a while, she had to throw bricks to attract jade. She couldn't fall asleep that night, feeling guilty like Xianglin's wife.Thinking that Mrs. Xianglin only married twice before and after, or married the other after one husband died, and she still felt guilty like that.As for her, if one husband is still alive, there will be another husband; if the other husband is still alive, there will be another husband.If there is a sawing in hell, she may be the first to be sawn.She is not afraid of being punished in hell, who knows if there is hell?Even if there is hell, she doesn't necessarily know the pain, but she is afraid of the feeling of having a guilty conscience, ashamed of Huang Hai, and ashamed of Excellence, feeling that she is being sawed every moment. The next day, she emailed Huang Hai, telling what happened last night, and then said that she could no longer be with him, and hoped that he and Xiaofu could become a real couple. 他给她打电话，回电子邮件，约她到那个MOTEL 去见面，说想跟她好好谈谈。她没有答应，知道一旦去了那里，见了他的人，她就会遏制不住地渴望着在他的拥抱里燃烧，局面就更难收拾。后来她连电话也不敢接了，因为他的声音从电话里传来，好像在勾她的魂一样。他打了很多次电话，她都不接，他只好写电邮给她： “燕儿，别用内疚来折磨自己，这是二十世纪的美国，而不是祥林嫂那个年代的中国。祥林嫂嫁了两次人，都是为了生存，为了活命，她没有过错，不该承受那样的精神折磨。你爱了两个人，但不是为了你自己的生存，而是为了他人的生存，你更不该承受那样的精神折磨。 我永远不会忘记八九年的那个春节，我一个人坐在D 市火车站，万念俱灰，几乎不再有活下去的勇气，因为我不知道我活在这个世界上到底还有什么用，我让大人厌恶，让孩子惧怕，我带给世界的只有丑恶和痛苦。不怕你笑话，我那时想到过结束我的生命，想躺在铁轨上，让呼啸而过的火车带走我的一切烦恼。我没有立即那么做，是因为我不想让你背上一个思想包袱，认为我的死跟你有关。 你像一个天使一样出现在我面前，你说服了我，让我相信我活在这个世界上还是有意义的，因为我能让你幸福。现在你又用你的爱使另一个人的生命焕发光彩，你没有理由为此感到羞愧或内疚。 你不属于地狱，你属于天堂，如果我和卓老师也有幸去那里，我们不会请求上帝把你锯成两半分给我们，我们会对上帝说：'请你照她的样子，再做很多很多如此可爱的女子，让天下更多男子都如我们一样幸福。'” 黄颜:“至死不渝”代后记2008-04-10 04:53:58 还是那句老话， 是艾米写的，我越俎代庖写后记，是为代。 后记是什么？我个人认为应该是作者对自己写某本书的一些NOTES ，可以包括怎样写的，为什么这样写，有什么体会，有哪些感想等，对写作过程中帮助过自己的人，也顺便致个谢。如果感觉自己的书还有些地方需要改进，也可以捎带几笔。 总而言之，是关于书的写作的。 后记不是“尾声”，不是用来交待故事结局的。后记也不是“后祭”，不是用来缅怀故事人物的。有的读者对静秋写的代后记非常不满，说完全没谈老三，认为代后记作者非常凉薄。还有的说我看到故事结尾，正哭着呢，你怎么可以写别的东西而不写老三的事? 你冲淡了我的悲伤，我批评你几句还不该？ 对这样无知且蛮横的读者，我真是无话可说。 我这篇后记，也是来写艾米码字的事的，如果你是来看故事结局的，现在退出还来得及。你也可以就此检验一下，自己是艾米所说的“故事客”，还是艾米的知傻。“故事客”是那些只爱看艾米写的故事，对她写的别的东西不感兴趣的人。对“故事客”，艾园当然是欢迎的，但请你发言时别自称“知傻”。 废话少说，言归正传。 这个故事从叙事方法上讲仍然是艾米的一贯写法，就是只从一个人的角度来写，用个“文妥妥”的说法，就是“限制性第三人称”的叙事方法。“第三人称”很好理解，不用解释，“限制性”指的是观察事物的角度是限制性的，而不是全方位、多角度、无处不在式的。也就是说，整个故事都是从故事女主人公石燕的角度来叙述的，是她的所见所闻所思所想，她看见听见的，艾米就写，她看不见听不见的，艾米就不瞎猜。 艾园人已经很熟悉这种叙事方法，其中很多人已经喜欢上这种叙事方法，因为这种叙事方法很客观，很真实，符合人们认识世界认识生活的方式和规律，生活中大家都不可能钻到别人心里去，看看别人在想什么，只能从别人的言谈举止来推测。这种写法也容易造成悬念，促使读者动脑筋，将自己观察世界理解生活的方式直接运用到阅读中来，并从阅读中学习改进自己观察世界理解生活的方式方法。 但非艾园人当中就有人很不以为然，觉得艾米很多东西没写清楚，黄海到底是怎么想的？卓越又是怎么想的？你怎么都没写呢？你连黄海是怎么想的都不知道？那你还写什么写？ 这些“天真无牙”的读者都是被那些“上帝式”写法的作者给污染了，那些作者自觉不自觉地遵循着“主题先行”的创作原则，心里有个观念，想传达给读者，于是编一个故事，塑造出一批人物，用以阐释自己的观念。这样的作者自然是“上帝式”的，因为TA 笔下的那个世界是TA 创造的， TA 叫人物死就死， TA 叫人物活就活， TA 说人物是怎么想的，人物就是怎么想， TA 想怎么解释人物的行为，就怎么解释人物的行为，读者等着作者来替他们认识世界诠释生活就行了。 曾经有这样一句话：“吃别人嚼过的馍没味道”。这个“别人嚼过”听上去真是有点恶心，想必没有谁爱吃别人嚼过的馍，但看小说时爱吃别人嚼过的馍的人，还是大有人在的，所以才会有那么多作者在那里嚼馍。 据说中国人对文字的权威性是很景仰的，“书上说的”，“报纸上说的”，曾经相当于“那还能是假的？”。过去的文字有没有这种权威性我不知道，但我知道现在这个信息爆炸且高度商品化的年代，“书上说的”，“报纸上说的”绝对不能等同于真理或事实，尤其是这个网络时代，人人都可以上网发表东西, 照片搞假非常容易, 如果你不加分析地当成真的，那是很危险的。 既然说到文字的“真实性”上来了，那么我也顺便把我的一贯主张再声明一下：如果把故事当成真实的，能使你更好地欣赏故事，那就把它当成真实的；如果把故事当成真实的，使你痛不欲生，心情郁闷，那就把它当真虚构的。 有人是认死理的，不喜欢我这种回答，一定要弄清究竟是不是真实的。那我没办法，只能劝你别那么顶真，也不能指望从我这里得到肯定或否定的答复。你可以批评艾黄不诚实，你也可以威胁以后再不相信艾黄了，不看艾黄码的字了，你甚至可以把以前看过的艾黄的故事全吐出来，但我能给的答案就是这个。 的故事从语言上来讲，也是艾米的一贯写法，用的是她的“艾米腔”，她平时说话就是这个腔调，她自己说“我说话从来没个正经”，所以叫我不要匆匆忙忙去死，因为她怕致悼辞的时候不够严肃。她用不来“两行心酸的眼泪顺着脸颊向下滚落”之类的语言，当然她也用一些华丽庄重严肃的词，但那多半是为了搞笑。 据说亚洲有些国家，写作有写作的语言，说话有说话的语言，两者可以有天差地别，而他们所谓写作的语言，在英语里面被称作“ FLOWERY LANGUAGE ”，有很多词并不传达SEMANTIC 意义，只传达修辞意义。据说那些教外国人英语写作的老美，最怕这样的学生，因为纠无可纠，完全是融化在血液里的，从小就是那么写的，哪怕说话说得再简洁再自然，只要一动笔，那些FLOWERY 的句子就从笔下倾泻出来了。 艾米自己是研究文笔文风的, 所以很清楚哪种文笔称得上FLOWERY. 她是很不喜欢FLOWERY的文笔的, 所以她都是以口语写作. 艾园很多人是先天性地喜欢艾米这种叙述语言，因为大家是知傻，喜欢艾米的语言也就是喜欢大家自己的语言，如果在生活中遇上，大家说起话来一定跟在艾园跟贴是差不多的。还有些人是逐渐习惯了艾米这种语言，而一旦习惯，再回头去看那些FLOWERY LANGUAGE ，就不免觉得有点酸，有时会冒鸡皮疙瘩。 一路跟读的人当中，痛恨艾米的叙述语言的是很少的，如果痛恨，每天跟读就成了一种折磨。艾米的语言，一般不成为阅读障碍，即便你没发现她语言的妙处，也不影响你阅读故事。有些心领神会的读者，常常可以从艾米的语言中看到她的几个鬼脸，并因此发出会心一笑。 但那些初次读艾米故事的人当中，确有一些读得不舒服的，因为他们脑子里对所谓“文学语言”有一个框框，那就是要跟口语大不一样，如果跟口语一样了，他们就觉得你“文笔不好”。实际上，叙述语言是向着生活语言的方向发展的，世界如此，中国也如此。从前中国的书面语是文言，但说话是白话，后来白话逐渐被用于写作，文言写作就被淘汰了。现在这种FLOWERY 的叙述语言还有多久的生命，我就不知道了，但总的趋势是要被淘汰掉的。 艾米对情节的安排，自然是遵循“挂枪说”，从后往前推的。写什么，不写什么，基本是一开始就确定的，但每件事写多详细，则是可以根据情况变化的。她原来准备写到五十集，然后去脱产读统计博士，那会写得比较简略，每件事仍会写到，因为不写就影响故事发展，但不会写得太详细。后来因为换工作等原因，她暂时没去读，所以就写得详细一些，也就多出很多集。最后几集，因为八卦新闻的干扰，她不想再细写了，所以就比较简略地带过。 从题材方面来讲，艾米不喜欢写重大题材或者重大事件。 那样的题材，她是肯定不会动那个心思去写的，她看的时候都把战争与和平跳过了，只看爱情部分，因为她那时还很小，对爱情还有点兴趣，如果是现在，可能连爱情部分都跳过去了。她也不会一本书把一个村庄的人的故事全写进去，或者把一个家族的故事全写进去。 有人把写重大题材或者众多人物称为“厚重”，认为艾米这样的单线叙述个人小题材是“单薄”。但贪多嚼不烂，贪大也嚼不烂。重大事件很难写全面写完整，经历过的人尚且不可能全面了解一个重大事件，没经历过的人就更是道听途说了。同一个事件，处在中心的人和处在外围的人看到的肯定不同，处于上层的人和处于底层的人看到的也肯定不同，要想写出真实完整的历史风貌，恐怕是不可能的， 所以才有人说“历史是一个任人打扮的小女孩”。 这个故事涉及到学潮，但艾米不是专门来写学潮的，学潮只是故事发展的一个环节，就像里的文革一样，艾米并不是为揭露文革的黑暗才去写那个故事的，只是因为故事发生在那个年代，所以不可避免地会涉及到。但写文革不是主要目的，也不是佐料，只是故事发生的背景而已。 有位名作家说过，历史是他用来挂他的故事的一个钩子，意思是说他不是专门来写历史的，而是为他的故事设定一个场景。艾米写到了学潮，但连钩子都算不上，因为整个故事并不是仅仅发生在学潮期间。写学潮，只是因为故事的发展跟学潮相关，如果没有学潮，卓越就不会倒霉，石燕也就不会办他出国，故事也就是另一个样子了。 阿贝说“至死不渝”是继“山楂树之恋”后艾米又一部可以进入文学史的作品，我想为她的话加个前提：如果中国的文学史由阿贝来编撰的话，或者由艾园的任何知傻来编撰的话： ) 但如果是由国内文坛的那帮人来编撰，那就很难，因为那帮人一向是偏爱那些描写人性丑恶一面的作品的。他们把人性丑恶等同于“深刻”，把人性美好等同于“浅薄”，所以写知识分子一定要颓废、迷茫、空虚、无聊，写夫妻生活一定要勾心斗角、斤斤计较，写爱情一定要疯狂乱性、朝秦暮楚，写婆媳关系一定要水火不容、你死我活，仿佛不如此就不深刻，就不文学，就是浅薄，就是庸俗。 实际上这反映出他们总是比世界文学史慢几个节奏，还停留在世界文学史上一个早已过去了的年代。是的，世界文学史上曾经有过一个或几个年代，出类拔萃的作品都是揭露人性的丑恶的，那时谁能传神地刻划出人性中丑恶的一面，谁的作品就有可能被写进文学史， 但那个年代已经过去了，人性丑恶的一面早已被人刻划过了。艾友友说过，在一个虚伪成性伪善成风的年代揭露人性丑恶的一面，可以算是深刻，因为你看到了表层下面的东西，但到了一个丑恶盛行满目疮痍的年代还在揭露人性的丑恶，就算不上深刻了，任何一个长了眼睛也会写字的人，都能写出描绘人性丑恶的书来。 所以艾米写东西从来不追求“深刻”，她看世界也早就不再追求“看透”，愤世嫉俗是“愤青”的专利，她已经活到了“天凉好个秋”的境界，可以从平凡的生活中看到美好的一面。她不喜欢写人性中丑恶的一面，尤其是那种毫无希望的丑恶，一对夫妻恩断义绝，吵吵闹闹，勾心斗角，斤斤计较，你出墙，我外遇，这种故事写了干什么呢？生活中难道还少吗？就像有位读者在新浪博克里写的那样：在生活中已经看过了太多的丑恶，如果回到家还要拿起一本书，继续阅读生活的丑恶，那你还叫我活不活？ 但艾米也不想闭着眼睛，编造出几个美好的故事来写。她自己瞧不起那样的故事，她也不想拿那样的故事哄她的知傻。所以她写的故事，是那些经历过生活的酸甜苦辣，达到了“天凉好个秋”的境界的人的故事，他们相信爱情，不是因为他们天真轻信，而是因为他们对爱情有个比较切实可行的定义。他们善良，不是因为他们单纯无知，而是因为他们明智，知道在力所能及的范围内帮助人，于己于人都有好处。他们那样爱，那样活，是因为他们喜欢那样爱，那样活，不那样爱那样活就不开心. 有人说黄颜这样的写手是“可求的”，而艾米这样的写手则是“不可求只可遇”的。我赞成这种说法，不是因为我跟艾米在床上干了什么，而是因为我好歹学了几天文学理论，也好歹看了一些文学作品，我知道像我这样的写手，能写几个字出来，是认真学习，刻苦钻研，勤奋努力的结果，但艾米的写作才能是天生的，她天生就是个讲故事的高手，从小就会讲故事，学谁像谁，一个人可以演一台戏，演完瘸子演哑巴，演完男人演女人，演谁像谁，是她父母的活宝。 讲故事讲得好，就是要讲得人物一个个立起来，讲得张三像张三，讲得李四像李四，不能千人一面。艾米写了一系列故事, 每一个故事都让我们看到一批活生生的人物，卓越就是卓越，既不是同一故事里的黄海，也不是另一故事里的黄颜。 我知道大家企盼着这个后记，主要是想知道石燕与黄海爱情故事的结局，但由于种种原因，我不便多说，可以告慰大家的是，石黄二人已经苦尽甘来，幸福地生活在一起。 谢谢大家 !