Chapter 2 Amy: Until Death (1) -1

Shi Yan used to be very advocating love at first sight, and felt that only love at first sight is true love, because people's first impression is the most real and accurate, like that at first looks very unpleasant, but then gradually overcome and get used to it , The relationship that finally survives to the point where it can be tolerated is not love at all, it is just make do at best. In a word, true love does not come out of "habit", not "cultivation", not "endurance", but love at first sight, automatic outbreak, uncontrollable.The love cultivated is not called "love", at most it can only be called "feeling" or "family affection".

It is not groundless that she is so superstitious about first impressions, there is still a lot of evidence.When she was in high school, there was a male classmate named Huang Hai in her class. He was so ugly that it was terrifying. Everyone called him "The Clock Tower Freak" behind his back.At first she didn't even dare to look at him, she felt terrified when she saw him, and she didn't understand how his parents and family survived. But after a while, she seemed to be getting more courageous, and dared to look at it once or twice.Later, I found out that Huang Hai is quite smart, not just ordinary smart, but really smart, he is very good in all subjects and treats people very well, so she no longer thinks he is scary, and sometimes dares to discuss study problems with him up.

In the year of the college entrance examination, Huang Hai was expected to be the first in the province, and was admitted to the prestigious A University. Before leaving, he went to her house to say goodbye.Her mother heard that the boy who was admitted to University A was coming, and she was very welcome. She cleaned up the house specially, and asked for leave to stay at home to wait for the famous school student. I don't know if it was to protect her daughter secretly, or to see what happened. What kind of rare birds and animals can get into A University. As a result, as soon as Huang Hai came to the door, her mother almost fell ill from fright, she didn't even dare to look at him, and kept looking away when she was talking.After Huang Hai left, her mother gave her a long report, warning her not to fall in love with that Huang Hai.After she swears and swears that she has never fallen in love with Huang Hai, and will never fall in love with Huang Hai, her mother breathes a sigh of relief, but still asks with lingering fear: "Why are there such--- ugly people? You usually--- - Do you dare to talk to him?"

"Why don't you dare talk to him?" "Is he --- are parents like this too?" "No, I heard that when he was born, he was clamped like this by the doctor with some forceps---" Her mother was stunned for a while, and said: "Why did you just pinch your face? There are a lot of forceps used when giving birth, and I have never seen it clamped like this. At most, the head is pinched, and the intelligence suffers influences---- " "Then he is still lucky, only his face is pinched, if his head is pinched--he will not be able to get into the A university--"

"If it's stuck like this, even if you are admitted to the A university, how can you--how? For the rest of your life--isn't it--unhappy?" Shi Yan didn't think so at all at that time. In her opinion, as long as she could be admitted to A University, even if she was as ugly as Huang Hai, she would be happy, and she no longer thought Huang Hai was ugly at that time.But she still understands her mother quite well, recalling how she felt when she saw Huang Hai for the first time, she should not be much better than her mother, but after being together for a long time, she gradually got used to it.

It seems that the first impression is still accurate. Later, I heard that Huang Hai found a very beautiful girlfriend in college, as beautiful as Esmeralda in the movie, but everyone didn't believe it. How could there be a beautiful girl in a school like University A?Even if there is, it's not Huang Hai's turn. Is it because Huang Hai looks like "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" that people say that his girlfriend looks like Esmeralda? But one summer, Huang Hai brought his girlfriend back to his hometown, which greatly opened everyone's horizons.Although everyone was secretly disappointed that the girl was not as beautiful as Esmeralda, but Huang Hai was so ugly, yet he found a girlfriend who wasn't ugly, which still felt a bit reckless.

Later, the girl flirted with Huang Hai as everyone expected. I heard that it was the same summer vacation, and the girl also took Huang Hai back to her hometown, but she resolutely broke up with Huang Hai when she returned to school. Huang Hai was the only classmate Shi Yan kept in touch with after graduating from high school, probably she was also the only classmate who kept in touch with Huang Hai after graduating from high school, because Huang Hai seemed to regard him as a confidant, and wrote long letters to her for almost half a year, Each letter is about his love story with that girl and his troubles after losing love.

Shi Yan just wanted to be a silent listener, and didn't want to express her opinion, because she also felt that it was too bad for the girl to be with Huang Hai.Everyone has the love of beauty, and the hate of ugliness probably also has it.The Hunchback of the Clock Tower in the movie is so kind to Esmeralda, didn't he not get Esmeralda's love in the end?On the contrary, it was the hypocritical playboy who cheated Esmeralda's love.It can be seen that if a boy wants to impress a girl with his character and intelligence, he must at least be decent in appearance.If the appearance is too bad, the smartest way is not to fall in love with those beautiful girls, otherwise, even if he can pass the test of girls, he will not be able to pass the test of the masses.

She guessed that the girl must have known Huang Hai for a long time, and gradually got used to his appearance, so his talent and character prevailed, making the girl fall in love with him.Although they have also been to Huang Hai's hometown, the fellow villagers of Huang Hai have long been used to seeing Huang Hai's "Monster in the Clock Tower", so no one is too surprised.But after the girl brought Huang Hai back to her own hometown, it was the first time for the people there to see such a strange person, and they had no chance to see his intelligence and kindness, so they would inevitably make a fuss. In other words, the girl's love was drowned in saliva.

During that time, Huang Hai was in so much pain that he said he was the most unfortunate person in the world. If he had known this, he might as well have asked the doctor who delivered the baby to clamp him to death with forceps, or he might as well not have clamped him at all. Let him suffocate to death in his mother's womb. Shi Yan was so frightened that she quickly comforted him, saying: "You are so smart and you went to such a good school, how can you say you are the most unfortunate person? I don't know how many people want to change places with you!" Huang Hai was still desperate: "Who wants to change places with me? Do you want to change places with me?"

Shi Yan really wanted to change places with him, but she didn't want to barter, completely change positions with Huang Hai, but partly, with reservations, without changing appearance or intelligence, because she felt that Her intelligence is not that low. When she was in high school, she and Huang Hai often monopolized the top one or two places in the whole year, but the C Provincial Teachers College she studied in was several times worse than Huang Hai's A University. , so she just wanted to change schools. Fortunately, in real life, she can't change places with Huang Hai. If she could, it would be a bit difficult for her, because she wanted to get into Huang Hai's A University, but didn't want to be as ugly as Huang Hai. She would be reduced to study at the Teachers College in Province C. Many people said that she was "misunderstood by her cleverness", and she felt quite wronged after hearing that. "Smartness is misunderstood by cleverness" seems to refer to those who rely on their own little cleverness, so they don't study hard, love to play tricks, and suffer a disadvantage.This is not the case with her at all. She has always studied hard, never complacent because of good grades, and she never plays tricks in her studies. The reason why she was reduced to the C Provincial Teachers Academy seems to be difficult to explain clearly in a sentence or two. Her parents were both engineers and technicians in military factories, and they built ships for the People's Navy.In the era of "preparing for war, preparing for famine, and serving the people", the entire military factory was moved to a small valley with all its people and machines.Probably to fool U.S. imperialism and Soviet revisionism, the factory deliberately moved to a place not near the sea, and was divided into several branches, which were scattered and hidden in several valleys. Then transport it somewhere to assemble it, so that not only can it hide from the US imperialists and Soviet revisionists who are far away overseas, but also hide from those counter-revolutionaries hidden inside us. Those branch factories didn't have names, only code names. Perhaps the bombs of US Emperor Suxiu recognized their names. If you knew the name of the factory, you would know where to throw the bombs.The code names of each branch factory are also very cryptic, using only numbers instead of words, from 001 to 009.Coincidentally, the number of the branch factory where Shi Yan's parents worked was exactly "007". The reading method is "Dongdongguai".Other branch factories all use this pronunciation, "Dongdongyao" and "Dongdongliang". . .Anyway, they are all "holes". This trick seems to be very effective. The factory has been moved to a small valley for so many years. It has never been bombed by the US imperialists and Soviet revisionists, nor has it been destroyed by counter-revolutionaries hidden among the people. I was bored enough with my family members, staying in such a ghostly place where the sky and the ground are not connected, there is no bus, train, or plane, and the cars in and out of the mountains rely on the factory's cars. Like the little carrot head in "Sister Jiang", she nests in that small ravine and rarely goes out to see the world. Shi Yan was educated all the way up in the school for the children of "Dongdongguai". Primary school and junior high school didn't go out of the ravine. When she was in high school, she became a golden phoenix and flew out of the ravine of "Dongdongguai". , but just flew to another ravine, because the high school is in another ravine, from "Dongdongyao" to "Dongdongjiu" all the children who are admitted to high school are there. Shi Yan lives at school and goes home once a week.Her academic performance has always been very good, and all the teachers like her. All the teachers say that she is smart and listens to the teachers. She is really cute.When she was in the second year of high school, some teachers suggested that she skip the first grade and enter the university earlier. At that time, skipping a grade was not very popular, so skipping a grade became a great honor. Her parents were very excited, and she was also very excited. The whole family only had this honor in their eyes. Basically, they had no time to think about why they had to skip a grade. I didn't have time to think about the benefits of taking the university entrance examination a year earlier, let alone whether skipping a grade would have side effects, so I skipped a grade happily and confusedly. As a result, she failed the college entrance examination that year. After the first morning of the exam, when she checked the answers with others, she found that she didn't remember many of the questions others said. After checking with them for a long time, she found that she had missed the questions.The college entrance examination paper was printed with questions on both sides, but she thought it was the same as the school mimeographed examination paper, only one side had questions, so she only did the questions on the front side of the paper, and finished it early, but she dared not hand it in, and stayed there Check, because she knows that if she submits the paper too early, if something goes wrong, she will regret it for the rest of her life. So she waited until the last minute to hand in the paper, but something went wrong.She was in a daze at the time, wishing she could go back to the examination room and take the test paper back to do it again. She would definitely do those questions, and if she was given a chance, she would definitely do it right.But she knew that was impossible, because the test papers were sealed and sent away as soon as the test was over. She didn't know how she got home that day. Anyway, when she told the story after returning home, the whole family was stunned. She and her mother were crying, and her father and her brother stared wide-eyed.I don't know how long it took before her father calmed down and ran out to look for this and that, but no one could save this. This was like a blow to the head. In the next few days of the exam, although she tried her best to calm herself down and try to do well in the rest of the exam, how could such a thing not affect her mood and exam status?After the scores came out, she found that she was completely insulated from any good school with A and B. This incident made headlines in those "holes", and almost everyone knew it. One reason may be that it was too unexpected, and the other reason may be that some people were jealous of her skipping a grade. Well, it finally came out. Take a breath.Everyone who met her or her family would talk about it, and the teacher said regretfully, "Ah? Why are you so careless? You don't even look at the back of the paper? Didn't the teacher say you have to be careful?" She had nothing to answer. The teacher did tell you to be careful and check it several times. Don't rush to hand in the paper. If you hand in the paper early, no one will give you extra points, so why do you have to hand it in early?Check, check, check. She said: "I checked, checked, and checked again, and I didn't hand in the papers in advance, but..." At first she explained and refuted, but she found that the more she explained, the heavier the criticism would be, and the more she refuted, the more people would ask more questions, so she decided not to say anything, and tried to avoid these people as much as possible.But there are so many "these people", and some of them are not satisfied with meeting and talking to each other on the road, but even go to her house to teach her, her parents, and her younger brother a lesson.Those who taught her a lesson were kind, and those who gloated at her misfortune just came to her house to laugh at her. Some said: "Every time I finish any test paper, I will read it from beginning to end, count how many questions there are, how many points each question has, and see if I can add it to 100 points. If you were like me at that time, Add up the points for each question, and you won't miss any questions..." Some were heartbroken: "Why are you so careless? This is the moment of 'a test for life'..." Others dig to the root: "You shouldn't have skipped a grade in the first place. How could such a thing happen if you didn't skip a grade? Look at my child, I won't let him skip a grade. Who suggested you skip a grade? You should sue that teacher , he wasted your life--" Many people who said this also tried their best to persuade her to skip a grade. At that time, almost no one disapproved of her skipping a grade. Some parents even went to the school to argue about this matter, saying that the school was eccentric, so why didn’t their children skip a grade? .But she didn't use a tape recorder to record what others said, so now there is no way to prove that those people agreed with her skipping a grade, and she should bear some joint and several responsibilities. Some also disagreed to sue the teacher: "How can you blame other teachers? The teacher only let you skip a grade, and didn't let you only do the positive questions on the paper---, you should blame yourself---" There is even more serious: "What do you miss? It's all an excuse. If you fail the exam, you admit that you failed the exam, and you still have to find a fig leaf. It's really a shame---. I said it a long time ago, who knows How did she get her usual high scores---. Now it's all right, it's a mule or a horse, and the truth will become clear after taking it out for a walk---" Her parents originally wanted her to repeat the exam for a year, but their high school was already overcrowded and did not allow her to repeat it. If she wanted to repeat it, she would have to go to a faraway county, not only would she have to pay a lot of money, but she would also have to wait in line. People like them who don't have a county registered permanent residence don't know if they will be ranked. She herself is determined not to repeat the study, and now she is being taught so hard by others, if she goes to repeat the study for another year, then she must not listen to the lesson for another year?Does that make people unable to live?She decided to go to the C Provincial Teachers College where she was admitted. The school is far away and not well-known, but it is better than staying in this small ravine and being drowned in spittle. Who can guarantee that if she repeats her study for a year, she will definitely do well in the exam? ? So one day in August, accompanied by her father, she fled to the C Provincial Teachers College in D City in a panic. During the days when she first arrived at C Provincial Normal University, Shi Yan hid under the quilt and cried almost every night. C Province Teachers College has let her down so much. It’s fine if the school is not famous, and it’s fine if you can’t learn anything. Originally, she didn’t expect to become a big climate here. Graduate students, admitted to a good school, feel proud and start a new life.But the problem of the Provincial Teachers College in C is far from not being famous, it is completely like a place of exile, how can it survive these four years? The predecessor of Provincial C Teachers College is D City Teachers College. Nowadays, the trend of university upgrading is prevalent. The two-year system has been reformed for three years, and the three-year system has been reformed for four years. The normal college was changed into a normal university, the municipal office was changed to a provincial office, and the provincial office was changed to a state-run one. Therefore, the D city’s normal college became the provincial C’s normal college.But the name has been changed, but the internal structure has not changed much. It is still the same teachers and courses. Stay in City D. City D is a mining city, only the part of the city hall still looks like a city, once you get out of that part, it’s like entering a mine. It is bare, and the mountain is covered with large expanses of horribly colored stones.I heard that the insides of those hills have been hollowed out by mining workers, they are crumbling, and often collapse, especially when it rains heavily, the rain can bring down half of the hills, burying vehicles and pedestrians on the road alive. To the north of City D is the coal mining area. I don’t know who the unearthed coal was supplied to, but the coal powder must have been seen by someone, because there is always gray and black dust floating in the sky of D City.If you just polished your leather shoes and changed your shirt when you went out to the street, then when you come back, the collar and cuffs of the shirt will be black, but the leather shoes will change from black to gray. It's sticky. When passing through the coal mining area, you can often see some miners with black clothes, black hands and faces, which can be said to be darker than authentic African blacks, but their teeth are not as clean as authentic African blacks. It is white, but there are coal dusts here and there, black and white like zebras. Unfortunately, the train station in City D is located there, so Shi Yan had to go there when she took the train home.Needless to say, the railway station is also stained by the light of the coal mine, and there are black coal dust everywhere, the waiting room is dirty, the train boxes are dirty, and the toilets on the train are even more dirty that's it.Every time she went to take the train, looking at the bare hills near the station and the crooked sheds at the foot of the hills, she just wanted to cry, and she didn't know whether to cry for those miners or for herself. Sitting on the train, she also sat all the way, nervous all the way, because most of her companions were miners who came to work in the mines from the nearby countryside.There are very few female miners in coal mines, so the mine is basically a "man's country".When those miners see a woman, no matter how old or young you are, or whether you are ugly or beautiful, they will try their best to get close to you.Shi Yan was almost frightened to death when she took the train for the first time, because along the way, men kept sitting next to her, squeezing her hard, and taking advantage of her napping to touch and pinch her, so scared that she dared not sleep anymore. Keeping her eyes wide open, she watched in horror at the miners smiling at her with zebra teeth. When her parents heard about the situation on the train, they didn't let her take the train home alone. They looked for acquaintances, walked, and tried every means to find a car to pick her up during winter and summer vacations, and tried their best to find her when school started. The car to take her back to school is of course a van, the big "Jiefang" truck, because her parents can't afford a small car, but she already feels very comfortable, at least she doesn't have to worry about someone touching her. In the past, she always felt that the small valley of "Dongdongguai" was poor, backward and closed, and she only wanted to escape from that place.But she stayed in City D for a while, and when she returned to "Dongdongguai", she felt that the small valley was really beautiful, and everything was as clean as if it had been washed with water.Looking far away, you can see far, far away; climbing a bird's-eye view, you can see factories, farmland, green trees and red flowers, which is really picturesque.It's not like in City D, which always makes you suspect that your eyesight is wrong, because everything you see is gray. She was looking forward to going home every time before the holidays, and she was reluctant to leave home and go back to school when school was about to start. For her, City D was like a place of exile. If she could spend one less day there, she would spend one less day. To the south of City D is the steel factory in D City. The steel factory is surrounded by workers’ residential areas. It has a beautiful name called "Steel Flower Village", but the workers' dormitories there are old, dilapidated and small, and the streets are narrow and dirty. Dirty, muddy everywhere when it rains, you have to wear high-top rubber shoes to walk there.Once the school had no water for a few days, Shi Yan and a classmate who lived in a steel factory went to the bathhouse in the factory to take a bath. . The steel factory is also a "man's country". There are very few female workers working in the steel factory. The male young workers in the factory are also more "hungry" women. When they see young girls passing by, they will boldly come up and make fun of them. The bathroom took a shower. If you don’t go to these places, it doesn’t mean you’re cut off from these two places, because coal mines and steel mills are the economic lifeline of D city, and city D rose because of these two, so it can be said that city D is just coal mines and steel mills. Coal mines and steel mills are D City.Things like the teacher's college are completely foreign or superfluous. City D can exist without a teacher college, but city D cannot exist without coal mines and steel mills. Therefore, most of the people in City D are workers in coal mines and steel mills, or their families. The people of City D are very "deceitful", as if they regard City D as their own kingdom, and treat outsiders as if they were alien gangs who invaded their territory, with a kind of natural hatred. City D is only more than a hundred kilometers away from City E, the capital of Province C, but the accents of the people in City D are completely different from those in City E. Spiritual feeling. But the people of City D defend their accent like defending their own country. Although they try their best to speak the dialect of City E when they go to City E, you, a foreigner, will inevitably be made things difficult when you come to City D.When you go to a store to buy something, if you speak Mandarin, the salesperson thinks you are showing off; if you speak your native dialect, the salesperson thinks you are old-fashioned; if you speak D City dialect, the salesperson thinks you are laughing at him.All in all, every time Shi Yan went shopping in the city, things went wrong, and she didn't dare to go there afterwards, and her only entertainment and enjoyment as a girl were also deprived. If you don't go to the city, you just live in the school, and life is not easy.Sixteen girls lived in Shi Yan's dormitory, with eight bunk beds, and the dormitory converted from half a classroom was full.The school's bathhouse is only open for a few months in winter. It is open for girls on Mondays and Wednesdays, and for boys on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays.There is no toilet in the bathhouse, but when people enter the bathhouse, they hear the sound of rushing water and the hot water stirs them, and they want to pee, so everyone solves it on the spot, making the bathhouse always smell of urine.In summer, the bathhouse is not open, and everyone takes a bath in the toilet in their own building. There are two toilet pits in the toilet on each floor, which are filled up and made into a bathroom for everyone to take a shower, but there is no heat in the building. For water, I have to go to the boiling water room to fetch hot water, bring it back and mix it with cold water for a shower. The food in the school cafeteria is also terrible (if it’s not bad, it’s not called a university cafeteria). When Shi Yan lived in high school, the food was not very good, but she could go home every week to bring some food to eat. It's too far away, so I can't bring food home often, so I have to eat in the canteen.It can be considered a blessing in disguise, she has always maintained a slender figure. At that time, she was filled with despair when she thought of staying in Provincial Teachers College in C for four years. She wished she could drop out of school and go back to study again. Especially after a year, she heard that some students who did not pass the exam last year went to live with relatives in other provinces. So, she borrowed a year from the local high school, and this year she was admitted to the famous A University, B University, and E University. She regretted it.If I had known this earlier, I really shouldn't have come here to study.He studied this year and entered a prestigious school.She also studied for a year, but it was just from the freshman of D University to the sophomore of D University. She wants to drop out of school, and then, like those classmates who repeat the exam, find a relative to live with, and go there to take the college entrance examination, as if she didn't pass the level, and the age of taking the exam again should not be too old.However, in order to ensure the quality of middle school teachers, Provincial C Teachers College has very strict regulations on the management of student status. Students are not allowed to drop out of school without a valid reason. If they leave school without authorization, they will never be allowed to take the college entrance examination in the future.She inquired about what a "good reason" was, and found that there were hardly any good reasons, unless you were terminally ill and dying. This is the end! She felt as if she had accidentally signed a prostitution contract with someone and was sold into a brothel from then on, and this brothel is not an ordinary brothel, it is completely a government-run brothel, and you can't redeem it even if you have money Even if you escaped from the kiln privately, no one would dare to take you in, because the government has already greeted all parties, it’s like putting gold on your face, everyone knows that you are from the kiln of the government. If you escaped from the prison, no one would dare to take you in. In the end, you have to obediently return to the government's kiln. One misstep becomes eternal hatred! Her only hope now is to take the postgraduate entrance examination, and the only object of complaint is Huang Hai, because Huang Hai is also suffering and hating like her, and has endless bitterness.But in Shi Yan's view, Huang Hai's suffering is not really a "suffering". After being admitted to University A, living in a big city like City F, and the campus of University A is so beautiful, what pain does he have?It's really unsatisfactory.If she had gone to such a good university, she would have been grinning from ear to ear, so why complain? She guessed that Huang Hai also scolded her in her heart for "moaning without illness". Maybe in Huang Hai's view, she was not clamped by forceps, the bones of her face were not deformed by clamping, and she did not experience the blow of broken love. What is she suffering?It's really unsatisfactory.If he looked like her, he would already be grinning from ear to ear, so why complain? On the one hand, she regrets the lack of communication between people, and on the other hand, she makes full use of this lack of communication, because the purpose of her complaints is not to let anyone understand her and comfort her, but to vent her anger and make a mouthful happy.If a student from a famous school came to comfort her and explain her, she might feel disgusted: "Of course you want Cairo, anyway, it's not like you live in such a crappy school, who can't sing high notes? When you fall into my situation, Then tell me what to do with all of this." But if it was a broken school student who came to comfort her, she would feel miserable again. The chick knows how to be ambitious, and is complacent after being admitted to a broken school? Then what good luck can there be in this life? So she gradually alienated many of her classmates, but she kept in touch with Huang Hai through letters.Thinking about it carefully, it may be because other students complained about sweetness, and only Huang Hai complained about bitterness.All of Tian's classmates went to better schools than her, so whenever those classmates talked about their own school, she felt very uncomfortable, as if they were showing off to her. She couldn't summon up the energy to answer their letters. What?Tell me about your school life too?What is there to say?Even if it gets better, it's just a provincial teacher's college in C. How can it compare with those in A, B, and E?What's more, it didn't go to the sky well, but went to the ground badly.She doesn't want to praise her school out of conscience, who is it?Don't others know how broken your school is?She also didn't want to express envy and jealousy to other schools in the letter, let alone express her sincere appreciation for other schools.All in all, she doesn't want to know that there are so many schools in the world that are better than Provincial Teachers College in C. Unfortunately, she already knows some, so she at least doesn't want to hear people describe those schools over and over again. She often waited a long time to reply, and she only said a few simple words when she replied, and often she didn't reply.Gradually, everyone stopped writing to her.When she was a sophomore, among her old classmates who were admitted to prestigious schools, only Huang Hai was still writing to her. This made her feel very emotional. She used to always hear that "the poor live in the busy city and no one cares about them, but the rich have distant relatives in the deep mountains". At that time, she thought that people were really so clinging to power and currying favor with the rich.Now it seems that is not the case at all.It’s not that no one asks the poor. In fact, everyone still likes to “ask” the poor. At least they can show off their wealth to the poor.And the rich man lives in the deep mountains, if he doesn't show off his big house and wealth, who will know?Of course, try to invite everyone to play with him, so it seems that everyone is willing to deal with rich people. She is now "poor living in the mountains", so subjectively and objectively she is unwilling to associate with people.Huang Hai was the only relationship she had with a prestigious school, because the letters Huang Hai wrote to her were very special, and he never comforted her.Later, when their complaints were almost finished, their correspondence gradually became divorced from themselves and reality, and became like editorials. They were all general talks, and their complaints were no longer about specific sufferings, personal sufferings, but abstract sufferings. , the suffering of the masses.Huang Hai usually complains about the suffering of ugly people, while Shi Yan complains about the suffering of exiles.The two laughed and cursed, and acted recklessly, as if they were writing a diary, as if the only reader was themselves. At that time, I had never heard of e-mail, and the correspondence between the two was handwritten and mailed. All letters were sent to the gatekeeper of the dormitory building, and then the recipients picked them up by themselves.So everyone knew that Shi Yan had a boyfriend who was studying in a prestigious school. She stated several times that she was not her boyfriend, but everyone didn't believe it. If it wasn't her boyfriend, who would have the leisure to write a letter every week? Everyone is very envious that she has a boyfriend from a famous school, but everyone is not optimistic about this matter, saying that if they are like them, the boyfriend will get rid of her sooner or later, because men spend money, especially this kind of prestigious school that lives in a busy city. Boyfriend, how many girls should be around? She was too lazy to explain to those people, and she no longer declared that Huang Hai was not her boyfriend. Anyway, he was so far away, and Huang Hai was just a student in a famous school. He wrote a letter a week unshakably. How romantic and poetic! Everyone agreed that her boyfriend was very handsome. The word "handsome" was not popular at that time, and no one among girls dared to admit that they were lustful, so even the word "handsome" was shy to use. For those who have learned a foreign language for a few days, all the words that cannot be spoken will be replaced by English, so that the Brits will blush.So everyone said that her boyfriend is very HANDSOME, but unfortunately many students in the class can't pronounce the HANDSOME sound, it sounds like "stupid". Shi Yan had Huang Hai, a "stupid" boyfriend from a prestigious school, as a shield, which saved her a lot of trouble, and her male classmates quit. So she has been in school for four years, and no more than three boys have pursued her.One was because of lack of information, she had to chase after her twice before she heard about her boyfriend from a prestigious school.Fortunately, the man corrected himself when he knew his mistake, corrected his front sight, and turned his gun to shoot someone else.The other one was a young, stupid and bold man who didn't believe in the evil of a famous school student, so he rushed up and gave chase, but after sitting on the bench for a few times, he also ran away.There was another one who had a wife, and I don’t know what he was thinking, but he came to get her idea, and she gave a lesson in communism morality, and threatened to tell his wife, but the man turned against her. She lived in the envy and jealousy of others under the aura of a "silly boyfriend from a prestigious school". After a long time, even she herself became confused, feeling as if there was really a student from a prestigious school chasing her.When she wrote letters to Huang Hai, she often imagined him as a movie actor she liked very much, and she was sitting there, talking with him with a pen.When she read Huang Hai's letter, she also imagined him as a movie actor she liked very much. After a busy day of filming, she still remembered to sit down and write a few words to her at night, and she felt a sweet feeling in her heart. Everyone speculates that Huang Hai looks very "stupid", probably because his handwriting is very beautiful, because everyone knows Huang Hai, that is, his handwriting, and the few lines on the envelope, nothing else .Huang Hai writes fluent running script, no matter how many pages he writes, it is so beautiful from beginning to end.But she is different. Her handwriting has no style. If there is a style, it is her own "stone body".And she has a handwriting problem, the first few lines are neat and beautiful, but as the time goes on, her handwriting becomes more and more sloppy, the structure becomes looser, and the font becomes bigger and bigger. Her handwriting was almost completely illegible. She often apologized to Huang Hai for her handwriting, saying that she didn't know why, and the writing was messed up as she wrote. Huang Hai analyzed: "Some talents are full of thoughts, and their pens are not as fast as their thoughts, so they will write more and more 'flying'. Others follow the rules, step by step, and follow the rules. Such people may be able to write from beginning to end. Well, but their minds are clearly not as sharp as those of the former category.” This analysis made Shi Yan very happy, and later she had even more reason to write like sand and stone. Receiving letters from Huang Hai every week, and writing letters to Huang Hai every week, seems to have become a part of her life.但她从来没盼望过黄海的信，因为他在信里也没讲什么非知道不可的新闻，或者什么非听不可的诉苦，而且她知道他每周都会写封信来，所以她有恃无恐。再说她也根本不关心黄海在想什么，不担心她在他心目中的形像，就算他什么时候停止给她写信了，她也不会觉得遗憾。 突然有一天，她收到黄海一封信，说他自从听了她对D 市煤矿和钢厂的描述，就对这两个地方产生了浓厚的兴趣，现在他马上要到D 市来做社会调查，问能不能顺便到C 省师院来看看她。 她就像叶公听说真龙要大驾光临一样，吓傻了。 石燕不知道那位好龙的叶公如果提前知道真龙要来造访他，会是个什么反应，估计叶公没这么好的运气，因为龙们不讲这些礼节，或者龙们没这么好的通讯工具，总之在石燕的印象里，叶公是被真龙“不期而访”的，虽然突然了一点，对叶公的心脏肯定没好处，但也省掉了叶公事前的焦虑，不用花那么多时间去考虑答应不答应让真龙来造访自己。 她觉得她现在的境况比叶公还糟，因为她事前就得到了通知，说她的“真龙”要来造访她，于是这责任就落到她头上来了，她不得不作出决定，到底让不让黄海到师院来看她，如果让的话，会是个什么后果；如果不让的话，又会是个什么后果。 作为同学，特别是作为一直保持通信的同学，又特别是作为激发了黄海这次社会调查热情的同学，照说她没理由不让黄海到师院来看她。但她怕黄海在C 省师院这么一露面，就会打碎她在同学们心目中的那个光环，大家肯定要议论纷纷，说“难怪一个名校生会这么勤勤恳恳地追你呢，原来是因为长得这么丑”。她那几个比较要好的朋友肯定会一天到晚在她耳边嘀咕，叫她跟黄海断绝来往。 What about her?向大家声明黄海不是她的男朋友？好像已经太晚了。如果不是她的男朋友，她以前怎么不声明呢？现在来声明，肯定没人相信了，所以这次是跳进“黄海”都洗不清的了。 她想叫黄海别来师院看她，但她又说不出口。用什么理由？说她很忙？要出差？身体不舒服？好像什么理由都没用，黄海是来搞社会调查的，在D 市又不是只呆一天两天，她哪能那么忙，连周末都抽不出空？出差也不能出那么久的差，说身体不舒服更糟糕，他更要过来慰问她了。 她犹豫了好几天，没能想出一个答案，搞得连信也没回，结果黄海的下一封信就到了，只字没提到师院来看她的事，还是跟往常一样，讲些七七八八，把她搞糊涂了，以为他上封信里根本没提什么来看她的事，是她自己看走眼了。 她把他上封信找出来看了几遍，的确是有要到师院来看她的说法，但怎么这封信一点没问起呢？她的直觉告诉她，这是因为黄海已经从她的迟迟不回信上猜出她的心思来了，所以自动地不谈这事了。她很内疚，觉得这肯定伤害了他的自尊心。试想，如果她因事到F 市去，对他说要顺便去A 大看看他，而他迟迟不回答说行还是不行，那她会怎么想？肯定是伤心死了，肯定会觉得他是怕她这种破校生丢了他的人。 可以这么说，如果黄海这个名校生长得一表人才，那她拒绝他的来访就问心无愧了。问题是如果黄海长得一表人才，那她又为什么要拒绝他的来访呢？说来说去，她还是在嫌他太丑了。 她坚苦卓绝地思考了好几天，最后大义凛然地决定让他来师院看她，不然的话，不光伤了他的自尊，还显得她自己有点怪怪的。如果她只把他当一般同学，那她怎么会担心他的长相难看？难道做同学还有长相的要求？这不分明是说她把他当男朋友了吗？那他不是要在心里笑她自作多情了吗？ 于是她横下一条心，邀请黄海来师院玩。 黄海收到她的邀请后，既没显得欣喜若狂，也没追问她为什么迟了这么些天才回信，只问她需要不需要从家里带什么东西来，因为他会先回家一趟。如果她有东西要带来的话，他就到她家去拿，顺路的事，挺方便的。 她本来想叫他从她家里带些菜来，但她怕她父母知道黄海要来师院看她，就以为她在跟黄海谈恋爱，把他们急死了，所以就说没什么东西要带的，不麻烦他了。 那些天，她就象个等待处决的死刑犯，每天都在心情矛盾地计算着日子，既想这一天快点到来，又怕这一天会马上到来。到了黄海抵达D 市的那天前夜，她焦虑过度，一夜都没睡好。第二天发现自己眼圈发黑，萎靡不振，便逃了课，躲在寝室里补觉。 一连逃了两天课，黄海都没出现，她有点生气了，干什么呀？知道不知道惊人犯规？说了来又不来，把人家当猴把戏耍？她突然意识到自己太把黄海当回事了，或者说太把自己当回事了。黄海其实不过是出于礼貌随口说说，并不一定是真的要来造访，更不一定是一到D 市就要来造访，反倒是她，潜意识里觉得黄海是在追她，肯定急切地想见她，所以她才在那里拿腔拿调，担心他丢了她的面子。现在看来都是她自己在自作多情，别人黄海根本没把她当回事。 现在她有点后悔，早知道是这样，就不必担心什么伤害他的自尊心，直接就把他拒绝了好了，也不会有这些麻烦。 她这样气呼呼地过了两天，收到了一封寄自本地的信，没回邮地址，只有一个简单的“本市”，笔迹也有点生疏。她打开一看，里面的笔迹还是很熟悉的，一看就知道是黄海寄来的，说他到了D 市，住在D 市钢厂第二招待所里，想请她吃顿饭，如果她同意的话，请她明天下午五点到第二招待所去，他会在四路车站那里等她。 她一下子如释重负，早知道他是以这种“悄悄地进庄，打枪的不要”的方式来看她，她这几天就不用烦恼了。这不是两全其美吗？既能跟老同学见面，又不会让大家知道。怎么她先前没想到呢？ 不过她心里还是有点忐忑不安的，不知道他这样安排是不是猜出她不想让她的同学看见她跟他在一起。不管他猜出了没有，她的心里都有点感动，也有点惭愧，因为他显然很顾全她的面子，不让她的同学看见她跟一个很丑的男生在一起。她想，如果他因为她是个破校生就觉得跟她在一起丢脸，她肯定气死了，永远都不会理他了。 她决定去赴约，反正钢厂招待所也没谁认识她。不过她决定坐十五路车去，在离四路车站两百米远的地方就下车，然后走到四路车站去，先离老远地观察一下黄海，看看自己的反应，也看看周围群众对黄海的反应。如果她能忍受他的丑，能忍受群众对他的诧异和恶评，那她就走过去跟他打招呼，陪他吃饭；如果她没法忍受这一切，那就干脆不露面，事后再扯个什么理由搪塞过去。 到了约会的那一天，她略微打扮了一下，就悄悄溜出学校去，走了好长一段，才坐上了十五路车。她按照自己的计划在离四路车站不远的那个站下了车，慢慢往四路车站走。大约还隔着几十米，她就看见了黄海，因为他老老实实地站在四路车站那个脏乎乎的站牌旁，而其它等车的人都按D 市的惯例，早就挤到街上去了，形成了一个半圆，好像在夹道欢迎公车的到来。黄海一个人显得“鹤离鸡群”，独自陪着被大家遗弃的站牌。 石燕离得远远地就停下了脚步，站在一棵树旁观察黄海，第一次发现他很适合远观，特别是从他的右边远观，因为他的身材很挺拔，右边的脸也不错，如果不从正面看他那凹陷的左脸，他其实可以称得上“憨傻”了。她就站在那里打量他，感叹地想，如果他出生的时候没有遭产钳夹那一家伙，那他左边的脸也会象右边一样“憨傻”，那该多好啊! 不过，她很快就嘲笑自己说：别想得太美了，如果他没遭产钳夹一家伙的的话，那他就是才貌双全的名校生，恐怕也不会千里迢迢地跑这里来等她了，他那名校的女生就够他挑花眼了。 她正想上去打招呼，就看见一辆四路车开过来了，等车的人一拥而上，也不管下车的人如何扯着嗓子大喊大叫，都一个劲地往上挤，挤得下车的下不了，上车的上不了，只听一片骂娘声。 她看见黄海也挤到车边去了，大概是想看看她在不在车上，她有点感动，想喊他一声，但车门那里闹哄哄的，想必喊了也听不见。还没等到上车下车的各就各位，四路车就开动了，车门那里仍然挤着一群人，也不知道是上车的还是下车的。司机对这一切想必是司空见惯的了，也不管车门关了没有，自顾往前开，把门边贴着的人一路甩下去，但开出老远了，门上还坚韧不拔地贴着好几个人，像玩杂技一样。 她看见黄海跟着四路车跑了一段，看看追不上了，才停下脚步，呆呆地站在那里。她走了上去，问：“没挤上车？” 他转过身，跟她四目相对了一秒钟，如释重负地说：“你--- 下了车？我怎么没看见？我怕你---- 没挤出来--- 被车--- 带跑了--- ” 她开玩笑说：“老早就挤下来了，在D 市呆了这么久，不会挤车还行？” 他很佩服地看着她：“你--- 真不简单---- 我在D 市---- 根本上不了车--- ” 她只跟他四目相对了一秒钟，但就那一秒钟，就把刚才她远观得来的美好印象破坏了。他左边的脸那么不讲客气地凹了下去，把他整个脸的对称全都破坏了。她不禁又在心里感叹了一下：如果没有那一产钳---- 他好像察觉了什么，把左脸别了过去，提议说：“前面有个小餐馆，比较--- 清静，我们去那里吃饭吧。” 她没反对，跟着他往小餐馆走，他边走边讲他社会调查的事，她有点心不在焉地听着。这好像还是她第一次跟一个男生单独出去吃饭，有点不习惯，但也不是太尴尬，只有点怪怪的，好像他不是男生一样，当然也不是女生，而是一种什么介于男生和女生之间的动物，她跟他在一起，不象跟女生在一起那么自然，但也不象跟男生在一起时那么不自然。 他们在餐馆坐下之后，点了菜，然后开始等出菜，这期间黄海一直在讲社会调查的事，石燕虽然也很礼貌地哼哼哈哈，但她其实没听进去多少，只记得好像他说钢厂领导对他戒心十足，专门带他去一些“面子工程”，现在他才明白当年的皇帝老倌们为什么要“微服私访”了。 不知道是他有意安排，还是她有意选择，亦或是巧合，她正好坐在他的右边，而不是对面，这样她就看不见他左边的脸，只看见他右边的脸。他也好像知道自己是个“半边美人”，即使是跟她说话，他也没把整张脸都转过来朝着她，所以她只看见他那“憨傻”的半张脸，还有他挺直的鼻子，象三八线，或者伯林墙，把他的一张脸隔成了两个世界。 他一句都没问她学习上的事，可能知道她不喜欢自己的学校。他也没问她生活上的事，可能不方便问，所以他基本是在讲这次社会调查的事。她本来不是很关心他的社会调查，但他讲得很认真，很动情，她也受了感染，关心起他的社会调查来：“你--- 怎么想起跑这里来搞--- 社会调查？” “是受了你的--- 启发，”他解释说，“我这几个暑假一直在东跑西跑搞社会调查，为几家报社写稿，有的稿件发表了，有的被枪毙了，说是'过多暴露了阴暗面' ---- ” 她打抱不平：“有阴暗面，为什么不让暴露？” “我也是这样想，不过我仍然在争取，一家报社枪毙了，另一家报社也许会发表--- ” “你--- 又不是学新闻的，为什么花这么多时间---- 搞这些？” “ 是一个偶然的机会，去了一个叫'望家岗'的乡村，看到那里的人生活很--- 艰苦，孩子没学上，就想替他们做点什么，结果我写的一个小东西被报社发表了，引起了上面的重视，派了人下去调查，还从邻村抽了一个老师到那个村去教学---- ” 她由衷地嘉许道：“你真了不起--- ” 他苦笑了一下：“没能解决根本问题，听说那个被派去的老师吃不了那个苦，宁可不要这份工作了，也不愿意呆在那里，所以很快就跑掉了，大概还在心里骂我惹事生非，害得他丢了工作--- ” 她开玩笑说：“可能他骂你马列主义打电筒，光照别人，不照自己，既然你这么同情那些没学上的孩子，怎么你自己不去--- ” 他脸上的表情很严肃：“我是想到要去那里教书的，但是---- 我觉得那样只能解决一个'望家岗'的问题，但我们国家象'望家岗'这样的乡村太多了，光我一个人扎到那里去教书，是不能解决大问题的--- ” 她好奇地问：“那你想怎么样？” “我想改行做记者，到那些地方去调查，为那些地方的人呐喊，让整个社会听到他们的声音，知道他们的境况--- ” 她感觉他有点太理想主义了，但她不想这样说他，只担心地说：“你--- 又不是学新闻的，跑去当记者---- 行吗？” “只要想当，一定行的，已经有两家报社愿意用我了，还有的报社虽然不能给我一个正式的职位，但他们对我写的东西很感兴趣，