Chapter 15 15

On the afternoon of July 20, 1963, she was left alone on Sunset Road with her father for two reasons. One cause is a cover for another.The cover was that she claimed that she was still a little scared of Mrs Goulet, even though it had been at least five years (maybe nearly six) since the biscuit-and-thug incident.The real reason is simple and not complicated.She wanted to be with her dad during this once in a lifetime total solar eclipse event. Her mother had suspected so.Her husband pushed her around like she was a pawn.Her ten-year-old daughter also upset her.By then, that event was effectively a fait accompli.Jesse went to see Dad first.She's still four months away from her eleventh birthday, but that doesn't mean she's a fool.

Sally Mechter's suspicions were true: Jessie had deliberately orchestrated a campaign designed to allow her to spend the day of the eclipse with her dad. This, Jessie thought much later, was another reason for keeping her mouth shut about what happened that day.Maybe some people—like her mother—would say she had no right to complain, when in fact she deserved it. The day before the eclipse, Jessie found Dad sitting on the deck outside his house, reading a paperback book called "Life of the Brave" while his wife, son, and eldest daughter laughed and swam in the lake below. She sat down beside him, and he smiled at her, and Jessie smiled back.For this interview, she had painted her lips with lipstick—Mint Dew, which Maddy had actually given her for her birthday.Jessie didn't like it the first time she tried it—she thought it was a baby color—but Papa said it was pretty, and that made it the most precious thing in her limited makeup.Things like this should be treasured and reserved for special occasions.

He listened attentively when she spoke, but he made no particular effort to conceal his amused suspicion: Do you really mean to tell me that you're still afraid of Adrienne Goulet?She repeated the story she used to tell: how Mrs. Gillette hit her hand as she reached for the last biscuit on the plate.Then he asked: That must have been before... I don't know, but I was working for Dunninger at the time, so it must have been before 1959.Are you still scared after all these years? ’ It’s definitely the kind of psychology that Freud analyzed.Dear! Well... you know... just a little scared.Her eyes were wide open, and she was trying to convey, and she said a little, that she was very scared.In fact.She didn't know if she was still afraid of the old gasper, but she did know that she thought of Mrs. Gillette as an old blue-haired monster.

This may be the only total solar eclipse she can see. She had no intention of spending the day in Gillette's company, if she could find a way to watch it with her dad.Her admiration for her father cannot be expressed in words. She gauged his suspicion, concluded with relief that it was friendly, perhaps, even conspiratorial, and added with a smile: But I still want to stay with you. He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers like a French gentleman.He hadn't shaved that day—he often didn't shave at camp—and his prickly beard grazed her hand, and she shivered with pleasure, and goosebumps covered her arms and down her back.

Comme tu es douce (because you are sweet), he said, Ma jolie mademoisella. Je t'aime (lovely lady, I love you). She giggled.She didn't understand his broken French, but she was suddenly convinced that everything was going to go as she wanted. That would be fun.she said happily.Just the two of us.I can make an early dinner and we can eat it right here, on the deck. He grinned. Eclipse Burgers a deux (eclipse burgers for two)? she laughed.She nodded and clapped happily. Then he said something that, even then, she thought was a little strange.Because he's not the style-conscious type of guy: you can put on your nice new sundress.

certainly.if you wish.She said though she had thoughts of asking her mother to try it on, or exchanging the dress.It's pretty pretty--if you don't mind the bright red-and-yellow stripes--but it's also too small and too tight.Mom ordered from Sears Tower, mostly guesswork and rough measurements.This size is one size larger than Jesse's size the previous year.The thing is that she grew up a little faster, in many ways.But, as long as Dad likes it...as long as he stands by her side and helps her move about the solar eclipse... He did take her side, and moved like a Hercules.That night, after dinner (and two or three glasses of good red wine), he suggested to his wife that Jesse should not be part of the next day's "eclipse watching" atop Mount Washington.Most of their neighbors in the summer plan to go.Immediately after Memorial Day, they started having some informal meetings about where to go and how to watch the upcoming celestial phenomenon (these meetings, in Jesse's mind, were like the usual split-fee summer cocktails meeting).They even have a name for themselves - the Sun Worshipers of Darkskau.The admirers rented a campus minibus for the occasion and planned to travel to the top of New Hampshire's tallest mountain.They are equipped with box lunches.Sunglasses, a camera with a special filter...and of course champagne, lots and lots of champagne.To Jessie's mom and sister, all that seems to be the definition of flashy and fun.And to Jesse, that seemed to be the essence of all dull things.

On the evening of July 19, she came out on the platform after dinner.Probably want to read twenty or thirty pages of Mr. Lewis's "Out of the Silent Planet" before the sun goes down.Her real purpose is far less intellectual than this.She wanted to hear her father offer his—their advice, and support him silently.She and Maddy had realized years ago that the living-dining room of the summer house had a special acoustic effect.Perhaps due to its steeply angled high ceiling.Jesse knew that, and even Will knew that the voices from there could reach the platform.Only their parents didn't seem to realize that the house was, so to speak, bugged.In that room after dinner they sipped good brandy or coffee while they made some important decisions.But most decisions were known (at least to the two daughters) long before headquarters gave the order to act.

Jesse notices that he has turned Lewis' novel upside down.Luckily he corrected it before Maddy happened to come over, otherwise she would have laughed at her loudly.She felt a little guilty about what she'd done - when you thought about it, it was closer to eavesdropping than supporting Dad - but she wasn't guilty enough to stop doing it.In fact, she thinks she's on the right side of the moral divide.After all, it wasn't like she was hiding in a closet or something.She was sitting outside the house, bathed in the golden light of the setting sun, and she was in the sight of others.Here she sat outside, book in hand, wondering if there was a solar eclipse on Mars, and if so, whether the Martians up there would watch it.If her parents thought that no one could hear what they were saying it was only because they were sitting at the table in the house.Is it her fault?Should she come in and tell them the situation?

"I don't think so, my love," Jessie said, imitating Elizabeth Taylor's tone in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof."Then, she put her hand over her smirking mouth.She thought that she could also avoid her sister's interference, at least for the time being.She heard Maddy and Will arguing gently in the rec room below over what game to play. I really thought it wouldn't do her any harm if she stayed here with me tomorrow, don't you think?her dad was asking in his most touchingly gentle voice. Yes, of course not.Jesse's mother replied.However, going somewhere with other people this summer won't kill her.She has completely become Papa's daughter.

Last week, she went to a puppet show in the chapel with you and Will.Didn't you tell me she actually stayed with Will - even bought him an ice cream with her pocket money - and you went into the auction? That's no sacrifice for our Jesse.Sally answered, sounding almost harsh. What do you mean? I mean, she goes to puppet shows because she wants to, and she takes care of Will because she wants to.The stern tone gave way to a more familiar one: exasperated.How can you understand me?The tone asked, as a man, how could you understand? Jessie had heard that intonation in her mother's voice more and more often in recent years.Part of it, she knew, was that as she got older, she heard more of herself.But she knew that it was also because her mother used that tone more often than she used to.Jesse couldn't understand why Dad's logic always made Mom so angry.

How did she suddenly do whatever she wanted to become a cause for worry?Tom is asking.I'm afraid it has also become a sign against her?What if she develops a sense of social morality in addition to family morality?Sally?Put her in a home for wayward girls? Don't treat me that way!Tom.You know exactly what I mean. No, this time, you're confusing me, honey.This should be our summer vacation, remember?I always think that when people go on vacation, they should do what they want to do and be with the people they want to be with.Actually, I think that's it. Jessie smiled, she knew it was over except for yelling.When the eclipse began tomorrow afternoon, she would stay here with Papa instead of going up to the top of Mount Washington with old Gasp and the other Duxco sun worshippers.Her dad is like a world-class chess player who took on a talented amateur and now has her down. You can go too, Tom—if you go Jessie will too. It was a cunning statement, and Jesse held his breath. I can't go honey - I'm waiting for a call from David Adams about Brookings' drug portfolio, very important... and very risky.In this step, dealing with Brookings is like dealing with Dynamite.But let's be honest with you: Even if I could, I'm not sure I would.I'm not a fool to know about Mrs. Gillette, but I can get along with her.And on the other hand, that damned Slift-- Hush, Tom! Don't worry - Maddy and Will are downstairs, Jessie is out, on the front terrace - see her? It was at this moment that it dawned on Jessie that her dad knew exactly what the living-dining room sounded like.He knew his daughter would hear every word of their conversation.Hope she hears every word.A warm shiver ran down her spine and into her legs. I should have known it would be about Dick Slift!It sounds like Mom is both angry and happy.The mixed emotions made Jesse's head spin.It seemed to her that only grown-ups could mix such emotions in so many crazy ways—if emotions were food.Adult affection is like steak covered in chocolate, mashed potatoes with chunks of pineapple, and fried nuts sprinkled with paprika instead of sugar.Being an adult seemed more like a punishment than a reward, Jesse thought. That's annoying, Tom—that man courted me six years ago.he's drunk.In those days he was always drunk.But he has quit bad behavior.Polly Bergeron told me he went to AA and— How wonderful!her father said dryly.Shall we send him a get well card, or a medal of merit, Sally? Stop being glib, you almost broke his nose— Yes, it does.When a man goes into the kitchen to have another drink, only to find the drunk across the road with one hand on his wife's bottom and the other on the lower part of her front— Never mind, she said sternly.But Jessie thought, for some reason, her mother sounded almost happy.She is getting more and more curious. The thing is, you should have figured out that Dick Sleaford wasn't a demon from the underworld.Jessie should have found out, too, that Adriana Gillette was just a lonely old woman who had once slapped her hand as a little joke at a lawn party.Now please don't go mad at me again, Tom.I'm not saying that's a good joke, no.I'm just saying Adriana doesn't know.She is not malicious. Jessie looked down to see that the paperback novel she was holding in her right hand was nearly folded in double.How could her mom, a woman who graduated cum laude (whatever that meant), from Vassar, be so stupid?To Jesse, the answer seemed clear enough: Impossible.Either she knows better, or refuses to accept the truth.No matter which you decide is the correct answer, the conclusion is the same: When forced to choose between trusting the ugly old lady who lived down the road in the summer or trusting her own daughter, Sally Mecht opted for the old pant refill.A good deal, eh? To say I'm daddy's daughter is why.That and all the other things she said were like that.That's why.But I couldn't tell her at all, and she would never see it herself.You can't see it even in ten thousand years. Jesse forced himself to relax the paperback in his hands.Gillette did do it on purpose, with malice.But Papa suspected that she was no longer afraid of the old woman, and perhaps he was more right than wrong in his suspicion, which was the same thing.She still wants to achieve her purpose and stay with Dad.So, it doesn't matter what Mommy says, does it?She will stay here with Dad.She didn't need to deal with the old gasp.Those good things are going to happen because... "Because he defended me," she said to herself. Yes, that's the result.Her dad defended her and her mom attacked her. Jessie saw the peaceful glow of Venus in the dark sky, and it occurred to her that she was out on the deck, listening to their conversation around the eclipse—and about her—for almost forty-five minutes. .That night, she discovered a small but amusing fact of life: time passes fastest when you eavesdrop on conversations about yourself.Almost without thinking, she held up her hands, rolled them into tubes, and, as usual, caught and let go of the stars: wishing everything to be as it should be, and wishing to be fulfilled.Her wish is about to be granted.The wish is to be allowed to stay here with Dad tomorrow.Stay with him anyway.Just two people, and these two people know how to defend each other.These two are sitting on the deck outside, eating Eclipse Burgers for two... like a long married couple. As for Dick Slift, he apologized to me afterwards, Tom.I don't remember telling you about this— You did, but I don't remember him ever apologizing to me. Maybe, he's afraid you'll knock his head off.Or at least probably do. Sally answered.She was using that tone of voice that Jessie found so peculiar—a tone that seemed disturbingly mingled with happiness, joy, and anger.Jesse wondered for a moment if it was possible to speak in that voice and still be perfectly sane.Then she quickly and completely killed the thought. Before we leave this topic entirely, I want to say one more thing about Adena Gillette. please. She told me—in 1959, after two full summers—that she experienced a change that year.She never specifically mentioned the Jesse and cookie incident, but I think she meant to apologize. Oh.This is Dad's calmest and most lawyer-style "remorse".Would you two ladies consider passing this message on to Jess and explaining to her what it means? Mom fell silent.Jesse still only vaguely knew what "going through a change" meant.She looked down and saw that she was clutching the book again and had folded it over.She forced herself to let go again. Or an apology?His tone was soft, kind, and forceful. Stop questioning me!Sally blurted out after thinking for a long time in silence.This is your home, not the high court, for your attention! You brought this up, not me.He said.I'm just asking- Oh, I'm so tired of your way of twisting everything.Sally said.Jessie could tell from the tone of her voice that she was either crying or about to cry.For the first time in her memory, her mother's crying did not arouse sympathy in her heart, no desire to run over to comfort her (perhaps crying aloud herself in the process of comforting her).She felt a strange, cold satisfaction. Sally, you are in a bad mood.Why don't we just- Isn't it weird that you're always yelling at me and bickering with your husband all the time?Is that the weirdest thing you've ever heard?You know what we're arguing about?I'll give you a hint, Tom—that's not Adriana Gillette, or Dick Slift, or tomorrow's eclipse.We're arguing for Jesse, for our daughter, what other novelty is there? She laughed with tears in her eyes.She lit a match and lit a cigarette, sobbing dryly. Don't people say that?Squeaky wheels can always get lubricated.That's our Jesse, right?Squeaky wheels.Never quite satisfied with the arrangements made until she had had a chance to fix them.Never satisfied with plans made by others.Never be able to stay in peace. Jessie was horrified to hear something very close to hate in her mother's voice. sally - It's all right, Tom.She wants to stay here with you?OKEither way, she won't be happy to go with us.All she had to do was fight with her sister, mutter and clamor to babysit Will, in other words, all she had to do was squeak. Sally, Jessie seldom mutters, and is very well— Oh, you don't know her!cried Sally Mechter.The spite in her voice made Jessie pull back in her chair.I swear to God, sometimes you act like she's your girlfriend and not your daughter! This time, the long pause belonged to her dad.When he spoke again, his voice was soft and calm.That's bad to say, understandable, but unfair.he finally answered. Jessie sat on the platform looking at Venus, feeling the despondency grow towards something like terror.She had a sudden desire to hold hands again and catch the stars—this time to leave everything alone.She started by begging Dad to take care of things so that she could stay with him on Sunset Road tomorrow. Then, there was the sound of my mother pulling a chair.I apologize, Sally said, and though she sounded angry, Jess thought, she sounded a little worried now too.Keep her for tomorrow if that's what you want!OK!Wonderful!Just keep her! Then there was the sound of her heels tapping the ground quickly and leaving.After a while, there was the clicking sound of Dad lighting his own cigarette lighter. On the platform, tears welled up in Jesse's eyes—tears of shame, hurt, relief.The quarrel ended before it got any worse... But lately, hadn't she and Maddy noticed that their parents' quarrels were getting louder and more intense?And after the quarrel, the indifference between them recovered more slowly?Is it possible that they- No, she interrupted her train of thought before she finished thinking.No, that's not the case.Not at all possible.So keep your mouth shut. Perhaps, changing the scene also changes the mind.Jesse stood up, ran down the platform steps, and followed the path to the lake level.She sat there throwing stones into the water until Dad came out and found her half an hour later. "Tomorrow, we will eat solar eclipse burgers on the platform." He said and kissed the side of her neck.He had shaved and his chin was smooth.But that wonderful slight tremor ran down her spine again. "Everything is arranged." "Is she angry?" "No," said Dad briskly. "She thinks it's a good idea either way. Because you've got your chores done for the week and—" She had forgotten her earlier intuition that he knew far more about the soundproofing of the living-dining room than he let on.His generous lie touched her so deeply that she almost burst into tears.She turned to him, put her arms around his neck, and covered his cheeks and lips with fierce little kisses.His initial reaction was consternation.His hands jerked back, and then, just for a moment, he covered the two small buds on her chest.That shuddering sensation ran through her body again, but this time it was much stronger--so intense that it was almost painful, like an electric shock--and along with it, like some weird déjà vu, she And again the weird sense of adult ambivalence: a world where you can order blackberry meatloaf whenever you want, or eggs fried with lemon juice...and a world where some people actually do .Then, his hands swam around her body, and finally landed firmly on her shoulder blades.He hugged her passionately and said they'd been lingering where they shouldn't have been for a while longer than they should have stopped, and she had barely noticed. i love you dad. I love you too, baby.All love.