Chapter 86 86

86 "Love, that's the bloody thing, I'm too old for a scandal." In the past, he would definitely take this kind of remark as a joke, but now he is frowning and takes it as a serious remark. I feel uncomfortable for his expression, not for his words. "That's why you can't be a better writer." A trace of displeasure flitted across his face, but I decided to ignore him and continued: "Salinger is eighty years old, and he is still making scandals unremittingly. You should have the spirit of life and scandals, because you are like that." Man, you can't be ashamed of this. Ambiguity and comprehensiveness can only hurt you and drain your talents!"

"You're a little lunatic." He finally had a smile on his face. "No." I said discouragedly, "I'm more afraid of scandal than you are. I want to be decent too much. You can't be outstanding if you are decent. This is my problem." "We have other things to do." He looked into the distance thoughtfully, and the expression I loved was no longer on his face. We ate in silence, and I was surprised to find that I felt sorry for him more than for myself. "I told you, I don't blame you for what happens." I put my hand on his, and took it away.

"A face that loses courage is ugly." - I wrote this sentence in my notebook that day. I think I am also very ridiculous. I blame a person with a sense of reality for being timid and lacking the courage to create scandals, and I hope that another person who relentlessly creates scandals will become mature and stable.To demand the impossible from the impossible without enjoying the possible from the possible.How can a life based on paradox not be ridiculous? perfect lover.He has almost everything I want, except for the passion to accept destruction, who can have such a passion? Those weak men, men who can't do anything to the world, they are self-admired, self-sacrificing, want to open up alone, you may have a deep affection for them, but you can't generate passion, they are too weak, and the weak will easily succumb to the stronger will , With this kind of obedience, there will be no gorgeous flowers blooming when it hits.And those strong people, they often lack the nerves of love, and their hearts beat for other things.My perfect lover has the most vulnerable and strongest heart, without vulnerability, emotions would be rough and uninteresting, without toughness, vulnerability is just annoying child's play.

"I really want to be loved beautifully." I made the same plea as Gu Cheng before he died. "You are a connoisseur of love, not a lover." Xu Chen said so to me. If love is an unscrupulous eater who praises everything delicious, then I am indeed not. I can’t be like Xu Chen, who is tempted by any cute quality. It’s out of arrogance. I know that arrogance is God’s way. There are sins enough to go to hell in the commandments, but without this arrogance, how can we fight against this humble and boring life? I have to admit that when I was trying to distinguish my emotions and write this story, I found a striking similarity between Xu Chen and me.The only difference is that I have no gift for hallucinations, can't invent a lover for myself, and can't collect beauty like postage stamps.But am I not asking for the same thing as he?Isn't it all a miracle of reality?Why can't we ever be compatible with each other?I am reminded of Princess Ateh's collection of sayings - "The difference between two 'yes' may be greater than the difference between a 'yes' and a 'no'."