Chapter 77 77

77 The impact of his father's death on Chen Tian was beyond comprehension by others. He retreated back to his hut and thought about his creation. "Who is your book written for?" I had asked him solemnly before that. "Write to people who read books." "Yes, of course it is someone who reads books, but who is it?" "I don't know, maybe people in the future, people who haven't been born yet." "This can be regarded as an answer, at least it shows that you have confidence in yourself." "Actually, I'm just doing what I like. I'm not an ambitious young man. What about you? Who are you writing for?"

"It's a TV series, of course it's written for the common people, and I don't really care if they watch it or not." "What do you 'have'?" "Write for yourself, write for people who are similar to you, and let other people do whatever you want." "I know you think that, and a lot of young writers do." "What about you? What do you think?" "When I was in the United States, I went to the Library of Congress in Washington. Do you know how big it is? Is it necessary for you to add your own book to the vast number of books? What is the value of this book? There is a unique need for it. Sex? I also understand writing for fun or for fame and fortune, but this is not the ultimate purpose of writing.”

"Is there any ultimate purpose? What is the ultimate purpose of life?" "If you move out of nothingness, you can't talk about any issues. Nothingness can subvert everything. If we want to talk about any issue, we must presuppose an affirmative answer to life, otherwise we will not be able to proceed." "OK, assuming our existence is meaningful, purposeful, not accidental, not forced, not randomly chosen by nature, the principle of beauty and goodness is indeed one of the principles of the universe. What is writing for?" He smiled and patted my head instead of answering.

Yes, to talk about any problem must presuppose an affirmative answer to life, so that our activities of seeking meaning can be affirmed and appreciated.But I can't give myself this positive answer. I want to know how can I survive with a negative answer?The joy I find in it is the search for beauty.All of this has nothing to do with meaning. All love, excitement, touch, comfort, joy, panic, and pain are not meaning, but a feast for the senses.All I want is a feast like this. Xu Chen and I used to quarrel over which kind of art is superior. Maybe I have always loved art with a mediocre attitude, but regarded it as a sweet grassland to escape the boring life.Telling and describing can make a boring life show meaning. I always want to pick up the scissors and edit those years into an exquisite movie.If someone was selling a life like this, I think people would give their all to buy it.TV dramas are always not as beautiful as movies, because they are too long like life, and people yearn for happiness day after day. In fact, there is no happiness after day after day.

Chen Tian and I didn't talk much about our work, and even less later.What we both have in common is more an emotional orientation than an artistic one. Chen Tian is a person who enjoys his own pleasure and enjoys life. He has a strong interest in secular life that I don't understand.He is very playful, playing chess, fishing, playing mahjong, playing video games, eating, drinking and flirting with women. He has never been very concerned about fame and fortune.Of course, I am proud in my bones. Many things are dismissed, and many people dismiss them. They express disapproval of the price that must be paid for success.His secular style is very Chinese, completely different from Xu Chen's decadent singing every night.

Chen Tian and I are twenty years apart, so we are people from two worlds.When I was four or five years old, my mother began to teach me to recite: "The goose goose, the song goes to the sky, the white hair floats in the green water, and the red palm draws the green waves." When I can choose books by myself, I have to say that I haven't done it well. I read a Chinese book.All my emotional ways, value judgments, and hobbies are Western-style. It's really hard to say how much of this "goose goose" takes up in my body. My Western-style, extreme madness collided with Chen Tian's soft, effortless kindness, and completely dispelled it.One thing is certain, Chen Tian is not my vampire, and he is not interested in my strange talks.

As I said before, Chen Tian's words are like playing a long and distant flute, he is neither anxious nor impatient, he speaks in a smooth manner, as if he has said nothing, but he has already said a lot. That flute is good, but it has nothing to do with me after all. Alas, in what name are we in love?What a bewilderment.