Chapter 66 66

66 As Xu Chen said, his life can be summed up in one sentence - to accept the blow. When I graduated from university, Xu Chen worked in a small computer company in Zhongguancun. Sometimes he would stop by to see me after get off work. We sat and chatted under the big banyan tree in front of the building.I don't know what I said that day, in short, I must look very happy, he observed me for a long time, and said suddenly. "You are such a lucky man that at this age nothing has broken you." I was taken aback by what he said, thinking is it really so? "Just wait and see, God has many tricks, that thing will always come, it will break you, you can't hide." He asserted almost jealously.

"Has anything ever broken you?" "Of course, you still pretend not to know." "I don't know, you didn't tell me." "you." "Me? You mean..." "Yes. If you go back to the source, the day when my faith collapsed was the day you left me. Before that, I didn't believe that you would really leave me. To me, it was just making noise. After that You will always come back to me. But you are really gone, I can't believe it for a long time-that is to say, anything can happen in this world, my will can't do anything to it, it has nothing to do with my mind The world is irrelevant. I am also amazed at you, I seem to realize for the first time that you are another person, also eat, breathe, have independent arms, legs, independent will, between us is not what I imagined Yes, I was surprised that you also breathed. Anyway, that day I suddenly understood that this world is not the world I thought it was when I was a child."

"It's not me, it's someone else, there's always someone to make you understand that." "Yes, of course. But you are the first. If the first oath is exempt, the subsequent oaths will also be exempt." "I'm sorry I played this dishonorable role, just pretend I'm innocent, I'm just being used by life." He laughed: "You are indeed innocent, but sometimes I don't see it that way. I think you made some kind of ghost contract with Life in private to conspire to kill me." "Know why I'm not broken?" I asked him. He shook his head.

"Because we have an essential difference. You are an optimistic idealist, but I have been a pessimist since I was a child. You are full of illusions, longings, and excessive expectations about the world, but I am full of anxiety and vigilance. I think Every morsel of joy I've taken illegally from life, by fluke...so you'd break down seeing life as it is, and I've survived." "I hate it! In the future, if I have a child, I will give him a hell education, so that he will be content as long as he is a little happy. But it is best not to have children." "But, sooner or later..." He thought for a while and said with certainty, "Sooner or later, you will be madly attached to something, unless you are always in moderation, but I don't believe it, you will definitely be madly attached to something, hehe Hmph, just wait and see when the time comes. You can't control yourself at all, you want to grab something you can't grasp, as long as there is one thing in this world that arouses your feelings like this, your fortress will be destroyed by itself! Wait Look, I really want to see what that is?!"

He was spitting with delight, like a demented prophet.And I just smiled disapprovingly. "Well, we'll see." Because of the essential difference between optimism and pessimism, Xu Chen and I have different views on everything. For example, Xu Chen believes that most people are not human beings, and only those who are creative and bring progress to mankind are real people, and all non-humans benefit from the existence of these few real people.But to me, his so-called real man is simply an exception, an accident, a variant of man—a god.And most of them, those who are mediocre, mean, boring, just trying to survive are the real people.

For another example, he believes that the fear of emptiness is the fear of death, and all our attempts are to resist the fear of death, which is the root of all life activities.And I think the fear of emptiness is the fear of emptiness itself. Thanks to the guarantee of death, people will not fall into madness. Think about it, if I label a meaningless life as never expiring, how should I pass the day? The end result of these differences is that I can feel at ease, while he is in constant fear. I've been trying to create a barrier between the world and me. There is only one loophole in the middle——

"Sooner or later, you will be madly attached to something, unless you have been in moderation, but I don't believe it, you will definitely be madly attached to something, hehe, wait and see when the time comes. You can't control yourself at all, want to go Grab what you can't grasp, as long as there is one thing in this world that arouses your feelings, your fortress will be destroyed by itself!" I always remember what Xu Chen said. This day won't really come. I thought of Chen Tian and shuddered.