Chapter 63 63

63 After sitting outside alone for three hours, I finally calmed down. It had just rained, and the night wind was very cool, making my face pale. I told myself I can't go on like this, I can't love him, I can't pamper myself, I can't be so weak, I can't wait for him day after day, and he can only stay with me for an hour, in this hour I have to Pretending to be relaxed, I have to act as if nothing had happened!I watched him eat across from me and I said to myself do I love this man?This is an illusion of love, he will not make you love him so much, all you miss, long for, love is love.Waking up in the morning, no, the only thing I have done these months is to wait for him.Waking, sleeping, dreaming of him, seeing him, all my senses are open, longing for him.I'm good at restraint, I'm good at waiting, I'm good at enduring, I'm good at enduring humiliation, I'm good at forcing a smile?I really can't do it anymore, I'm afraid he's right, if I can't stand it, I'll run away.I told myself don't think about him, don't think about him, this time I can't control myself, my confidence will collapse into rubble.I'm afraid I'll start to hate him, I'll hate the joyful tone of his voice, the way he can play chess and fish leisurely, hate everything that keeps him from being around me for no reason.I'm going crazy!

In the car, I sat next to him, and I didn't think about anything, and I didn't want to say anything.Knowing that he answered the phone while eating, I pretended to pour tea to hide my panic.I let him take me home.Forget those grievances!Why bother?If you shed tears again, it would really make people laugh out loud. "Go home." I said quickly. "Where are you going?" He looked at me, "My home, or yours?" "You go back to your house, and I'll go back to mine." When I opened the car door, he said softly, "Don't blame me." "I don't blame you, it's not your fault."

"I know, you are not happy." Yeah, I'm just not happy.I waved my hand, turned and entered the door. But I can't go home. I have used too much strength to maintain my dignity in front of him, my body is full of madness like it is going to explode, I walk through the buildings, bypass the supermarket, and walk up the street through another gate, I can't go home, I can't breathe, I'm walking down the street, I need solitude, I need the cool breeze at night, love is a disease, a disease easy to catch in early summer, I have to cure it, because it's not worth it One mention, it is fleeting, it is elusive, it makes people look ugly, tempting to cry!

I just kept going like this... It was late when I got home, and the sound of opening the door brought my mother over. "Come back? Chen Tian called twice just now." "Oh, got it." "He said you don't need to call him back, he will call you again." "it is good." "Go to bed early, don't make it too late again." "Okay, I'll sleep." I smiled and agreed, and sent my mother away.Poor mom, what would she say if she knew I was in love with this man on the phone? ! He called twice?He wants to comfort me.He told me not to go back, he said there was someone there at night.

I'm glad I didn't get it, what else can I say?I have to force my face to smile again, pretending to understand the righteousness. I'm not here, that's the answer.