Chapter 47 47

47 "You're still a little girl." "I hate it when you treat me like a child!" "I don't." "You are." "I want to make love to you." "why not?" "Because it's not fair to you." "I don't need fairness." "It's not good for you." "You don't have to be so careful with me!" "Think about it, I'm careful because I value you." This is the conversation I had with Chen Tian before we had sex for the first time. Of course he was right, when I get up and walk out the door, and when I get home, the summer night wind cools my hot head, maybe I will thank him, maybe not?

More than once, when we were alone, I heard the desire in his breath, the soft sigh that fascinated me.I know that my desire is as strong as my fear, that what I am afraid of is what I want, and I am secretly hoping that he will be arbitrary and overbearing, and will not give me any respite, let my fear be longing suffocated to death.I am here, which means I am willing to give myself to him, I am willing to obey him, and I am willing to be a fool and not make any wise choices.His restraint, which had fascinated me in those first days, was no longer a virtue but a contempt on that summer night.I turned my face away from him, feeling that there is no more awkward moment than this.

The moment seemed to stand still, I could hear the clock ticking in the room, I didn't know how to end it, I had no experience, because this kind of scene had never happened before, should I apologize or continue to be angry, should I not Should I get up and run away? "Or you don't think so." After silence and stillness, he said this, sighed, got up and carried me into the bedroom. "I just want to be nice to you, I don't know any other way." I was a kid who got the candy, whispering in his ear. what can i do ——The sorrow of a modern woman.I don't know how to embroider purses, wear shoe soles, compose poems, paint pictures, and even promise him a life-long pledge. If I want to tell him that I like him, the only way is to sleep with him.

Other than that, there is no other way. Of course it wasn't right to sleep with him, I knew that, but I never bothered to do the right thing. — When I was young, when I had courage.