Chapter 40 40

40 I was haunted by thoughts about Chen Tian. I can't figure out how I feel, when I can't see him, everything is so sure, I know exactly what I should think and do.But when I faced him, I couldn't control myself, and I would blush in a heartbeat.These descriptions sound ridiculous, like a little girl who is not obsessed with the world, how can she be a veteran in love.shame!I just lost the battle?The matter is obvious, Chen Tian can be said to be a synonym for trouble.Nearly twenty years older than me, he has a wife who refuses to divorce, a lover who is jealous, and a reputation that everyone knows, and any relationship with him is not allowed.

I thought of all kinds of words to satirize myself. Example: The only way to win the love of this type of girl is to not sleep with them. Another example: the way to impress a self-righteous girl like you is that you think he will do it but he doesn't. Another example: you just played too many tricks on the spot, and you want to have some classical love. But to no avail. Thinking of the past, he may be a pure person in his bones. Eight years ago, I remember seeing him sitting on the steps of the library door, patiently waiting for the female graduate student who was in get out of class to finish.When I thought this way, I realized that I was full of pity for him.This emotion called pity is terrible to me, and it means that he has entered the soft part of my heart.

Whatever his reasons for doing this, he was already different from all the others. Run away, if there is still time. When Yadong called, I was in a daze in the room.I haven't called him in a while again, he's been following our default of not calling me unsolicited, but after a while he decided to see what was wrong. I told him there was nothing wrong, but I was too busy recently.He waited for me to speak, and I said, are you alone?He said yes, his wife went abroad.All right, let's go to your place. I don't want others to come to me anymore, and I'm afraid that Chen Tian will call.

When I was in bed with Yadong, I realized that my desire for Chen Tian was so strong, not just an emotional desire, but an undoubted physical desire. I was stunned and panicked by this desire.I tried my best to focus on what I was doing, and even acted crazier, but I knew that the desire in my body had nothing to do with Yadong, and the sweat on my skin had nothing to do with Yadong, his young body , the beautiful lines had lost all their charm, and I yelled at him to turn off the lights, which is not my habit. I am ashamed. I came home late at night exhausted and depressed. I read Chen Tian's "My Happy Times" under the lamp.

The book is like playing a distant and long flute, it is not in a hurry or dry, and it is plain and natural, thoughtful, and detailed to the extreme, it seems that nothing has been said, but a lot has been said.I can't see his usual teasing tone in the sentence, he is very kind, and his heart is as delicate as silk. I slowly recognize him between the lines and understand him, the Chen Tian inside.