Chapter 46 46

I think Zhang Xiaobei is lonely and pitiful now. I'd love to talk to him like I used to, but life tends to go from easy to hard, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. In the evening, I took Zhang Xiaobei to a bar that Gao Yuan and I used to go to. It was next to the Film Academy, called Huang Tingzi. It was very quiet. In the earliest days, poets often gathered here. I don’t know much about poets. I think the common feature of poets is that they are ugly, downcast and melancholy, a bit like the current Zhang Xiaobei. In the early years, I especially admired Haizi. It seems that I was lucky enough to meet him once. It was in the university where he taught. That time, I accompanied a sister in the same dormitory to visit her fellow villager. A young man with disheveled hair and full of melancholy came. He was dressed very casually, even too casually. He wore a shirt over his autumn clothes. He walked with his head down and passed us. When he was gone, A friend of a friend just asked us, "Do you know who that is?" The sister in the same dormitory smirked, and said twice, "Do you still need to ask, it must be a scientist, look at that messy hair, and his eyes are bright." You can tell by the way you look." To be honest, I agreed with him very much at the time, and his expression resembled that of Einstein, which was very profound.

"That's Haizi." Her fellow villager told us very seriously, his tone full of reverence. At that time, I didn't even know the famous phrase "Facing the sea, the spring is warm and the flowers bloom". I could tell from her expression that she was an amazing person.So I took a deep look at his back. There was a lot of traffic on the university campus, of course it was bicycle traffic. Although his back was not very clear, I still remembered the name deeply. I don't know why, when I have many opportunities to get close to poets in this place called Huangtingzi, I think they are all too ordinary, except for some elegant poetic temperament, I can't see any tough personality in them, maybe it's because Haizi walked past us like a gust of wind, and I smelled the poet's breath for the first time in that gust of wind. Based on the principle of preconception, I used That figure weighed all the pseudo-literary youths called poets, and found that they were born with a little calcium deficiency, and did not have the tough bones like Haizi.Later, when the newspapers began to cover the incident of him committing suicide by lying on the rails in Shanhaiguan, the back figure in my heart became clearer. Through his back figure, I once saw his eyes in a dream, and his eyes were full of love. The disdain of the defenders, I felt for the first time that my thoughts were close to a great poet, and I was a little complacent.

When Zhang Xiaobei and I walked into the Huang Pavilion, we encountered a group of so-called poets talking loudly. They seemed to be students from the literature club of a nearby university. They were talking about Index Finger and Bei Dao. One of them said loudly He said, "I think the index finger is the soul of our Chinese poets." Several people echoed, and after a while, the student who spoke angrily pointed to one of the newly published poetry collections, and pointed at the companion next to him. Roaring: "Shameless! Shameless! The author of this poem is clearly the index finger, but here it is said to be Guo Lusheng! These shameless whores!" Said emphatically and threw the collection of poems on the table. Knowing how I describe him, Mr. Lu Xun knows whether he will raise his elegant beard and shed helpless tears in the face of the shame I imposed on him.

Huang Tingzi is too quiet, I haven’t been here for a long time, and it’s easy for people to say something heart-wrenching in a place that’s too quiet. Over the years, I only like to come here when I’m getting well with the plateau.But today is fine, because there are such a bunch of pseudo-poets here making civilized noise, it seems a bit noisy, and Zhang Xiaobei and I won’t be too sad. We ordered two bottles of beer and sat opposite each other. "Why did you leave after taking a shower that day? What did I tell you?" I suddenly remembered that Zhang Xiaobei ran to my house after being drunk, and left after blowing out all his thoughts. I think it was probably because I drank What I said to him after I was drunk, but I really can’t remember what I said at that time. I should have known that I was so forgetful. what responsibility.

To be honest, for these years, I can’t help but imagine what my life would be like if I were still my reporter. I always think that maybe I’m a famous reporter now, and maybe I’m doing better than I am now. Until one day when I heard an entrepreneur tell his subordinates to "fire, prevent theft, prevent reporters" before going out, I felt extremely fortunate that I am now a screenwriter. Screenwriter" and so on. Zhang Xiaobei raised his neck and went down with half a bottle of beer. He didn't speak, but stared at me dryly. "Ask you, what did I tell you that day?"

"You said that you are a bastard and ruined Li Qiong's life, you said that she hates you so much, you still say..." Zhang Xiaobei stopped here, his eyes were wandering, and he looked away from us On the group of students not far away, "there is nothing else." I suddenly remembered what Li Qiong said to me on the phone that day. I had completely forgotten it after drinking, but when Zhang Xiaobei said this, I suddenly remembered it. I started to tremble, and I felt like she was crying. I remember she said that for so many years, I have been fanning flames out in front of Zhang Xiaobei, even though I know I didn't do it, but if I were Li Qiong , I would hate myself too.

"Come on, what else did I say?" I also went down with half a bottle of beer and let out a long sigh of relief, "Did I say something that made you sad?" "No..." Zhang Xiaobei hesitated whether to say, "I'm mainly afraid that I made a mistake that day... Even though I'm divorced, I can't give you all the benefits, right? There are so many good girls lining up Woolen cloth." I laughed hahaha, and said Zhang Xiaobei, you are still so fucking awesome. I look like I have taken rat poison these days, and my listlessness really scares me. I gave him a thumbs up, You are so strong!I think this is the most realistic nonsense I have ever said to Zhang Xiaobei. "Tell you the truth, Zhang Xiaobei, have I been an ellipsis in your mind all these years? I am everything, but I am nothing." To be honest, I felt a little blush when I heard this, and I regretted it after asking Oh, Chuxiao, what are you!

"You are like Jiang Qing in my heart!" Jiang Qing is one of Zhang Xiaobei's most admired women, "I have no culture, dare to fight!" When I was about to be proud, he added, when did he learn from me? What about this trick that hurts people? I smiled, looked at the young faces of the students next to me, and read aloud through the alcohol: "From tomorrow onwards, be a brave person. Sugar daddy, depraved, dare to act and love, From tomorrow, be a brave pig, eat, sleep, Body, soul, marked price, start from tomorrow, Facing the sea of ​​people, Who cares if it's spring or not! "

After I finished reading this impromptu adaptation of Haizi's poem, the group of future poets in front of me all looked at me in astonishment, as if I were a star in an idol drama. Zhang Xiaobei looked at me, grinned and said, "Actually, you told me that day... you didn't say anything..." He began to look at me seriously. "Say!" "You said, the morning we agreed to get the certificate, I just shed those few tears in front of you...you will live with me in this life..." "Then why are you running? I thought you said something that made your heart ache. It made me sleep poorly and eat poorly these days..."

Zhang Xiaobei shook his head and smiled, "So you know that I hid in the toilet that morning and shed tears?" "How fresh, I can figure it out with my feet!" I looked at him with some complacency, "Am I a bit too smart, don't you think?" "There is no such thing as being smart or not, you just think of yourself as a human being." When I was about to refute him a few words, the small group of literary youths gathered next to me all stood up and looked in the direction of the door with special respect. I was already very curious, and I saw that they all seemed to be possessed by evil spirits. I couldn't help but want to look at the door.

I saw Xiao Yu first, and I used to talk to the Gaoyuan crew and make-up artist.She is dressed like a Korean chick today, with her hair tied up in an upturned cone, wearing a pair of fat shorts, a big white vest, and a pair of yellow boots worn by German paratroopers on the plateau.I saw her for the first time, and just as I was about to greet her, I saw the poet with the same reputation as Bei Dao walking in behind her on crutches. The poet is full of elegance. I have heard his name a long time ago. I saw him for the first time today. I feel that he is similar to what I imagined. The only difference is that he does not wear glasses. The poets in my impression are all Like Xu Zhimo, who wears glasses, likes to wear a scarf, and is full of wise scholars. Of course, it’s summer, and I can’t make it difficult for the poet in front of me to wear a scarf, but he doesn’t wear glasses. I feel like something is missing.I remember when I saw Haizi many years ago, he seemed to be wearing glasses too. As soon as the poet came in, the group of students immediately gave up their seats for him, and they all called him Mr. He. The poet has more than five cards this year, and he seems to be in his forties. As soon as he sat down, he first praised the young people's love for poetry It is a very noble and not vulgar hobby, and then he began to recall the days when he and his friend Bei Dao are together now. Speaking of Bei Dao, he said, that is a very interesting person. When he continued to introduce in detail, he looked at the young face of one of the students, and said with infinite emotion, "Do you know? I have a daughter who is about the same age as you..." Without waiting for him After speaking, a student asked, "Does your daughter also write poetry? Does she also like literature?" The poet was silent for a moment, looked at Xiao Yu beside him, smiled wryly, and said to his fans, "I lost her." With a heavy expression, Xiao Yu's hand grabbed the poet's arm, as if giving him A little strength, so the poet cheered up again, and said firmly, "However, I believe that my daughter must be very good. She will be as smart as you, full of ideals, and must be my daughter full of romantic feelings... …" The poet looked at the group of students here, and at Xiao Yu, and sighed softly, "I don't know where she is now?" Everyone was silent, even Zhang Xiaobei and I listened to the poet tell these sad stories. His voice was beautiful and full of magnetism. I heard that poets naturally love their daughters. I thought to myself, his daughter is really unfortunate, I think The poet will definitely be a very awesome father. Imagine how fascinating it is to live in the days when the awesomeness is shining. It’s a pity that my old man is a student of engineering, and the old lady’s ink is enough at most She uses it by herself, so she doesn't even have to think about being able to influence me. If I say that I can have today, it's easy for me! Xiao Yu still didn't notice my existence until my phone rang harshly.At this time, when the phone rang, everyone seemed very disgusted. I quickly picked up the phone, nodded and smiled at the group of people to apologize, and walked out the door. Only then did Xiaoyu realize that I was staying here too. Delighted by the unexpected encounter, she smiled at me. Walking outside the door, I connected the phone, it was Benben. "What instructions do you have for the little ancestor?" "Don't tease my sister, I suddenly thought of you, where is this?" "I'm chatting with friends in a bar, Huang Tingzi, next to the film school, what time will it be tomorrow?" I promised to accompany her back to see grandma tomorrow. Ben Ben didn't even think about it, "Tomorrow at noon, I'll call you when I wake up, sister, why are you going to that kind of bar, why don't you come to me, 1919, singing and dancing, drinking and drinking, friends come from afar Excited?..." "I'm sorry to ask you, which friend came from afar again? Is it your imperial army tycoon, or our compatriots in Taiwan?" "Don't worry about it, anyway, the people who come to me must be at the first level of landlords, and we don't even bring rich peasants to play with! Are you coming?" The music was very shocking. While talking to me, someone greeted her to drink, she Anxious to others, "Damn, get out, didn't you see me calling my sister? Look at the lawsuit on your head, get out, fuck!" "Ben Ben, you are busy with your work, I just met a poet, my friend, let's chat for a while..." "Hey, poet?! Cheng, I haven't seen a living poet yet. If you have time, you can introduce me to each other. I just heard about Li Bai, Du Pu, and who else is there. I know the four masters of the early Tang Dynasty. Yesterday. I just remembered." She looked very proud, "I heard that poets are all kind of fucking jumping thinking, I thought about it for a long time, dammit, it's just a fucking incoherent talk, these guys are pretty good There must be no sex life, if your friend needs it, you can call your sister..." "Ben Ben, Ben Ben..." I stopped her for a long time but didn't stop her from talking, and when she finally stopped, I hurriedly said: "You are busy first, I am busy with you, I will wait for your call tomorrow. " "Fuck, why is this? If you want to say that differences are not conspiring with each other, I know that you intellectuals are so fucking hypocritical. Yes, yes, you can wait for the call tomorrow." Before I could react, I made a statement , Damn hang up the phone. I was just about to go back when I bumped into Xiao Yu who came out. "How do you go? I saw you as soon as you came in. I don't have the nerve to disturb you." I greeted Xiao Yu, and the poet nodded to me, maintaining an elegant smile. Xiao Yu pointed to the poet, "He's not in good health recently. I came back from Tianjin to see him today, and I asked you for leave from Gaoyuan. I have to go back to rest early today. Let's make an appointment when I have time." So I bid them farewell, and the poet waved his hand gently to me when he was about to get into the car, which really meant "I'm leaving gently, and with a wave of my sleeves, I won't take a cloud away".