Chapter 36 Chapter Six

The revolutionary masses constantly appeal to the intellectuals who came from the old society: Don’t take chances, wait and see, and try to muddle through; you should bravely jump into the water, wash off the dirt, and join the ranks of the people; Never good results. Although Du Lilin was far behind Xu Yancheng in her studies at university, she was always one step ahead of Yancheng in the new society.What to say, what to do, she never complained like Yancheng, and hesitated to move forward.What she can't change is her "handsome" spirit.Her recent attire has changed slightly: she wears suit trousers instead of skirts, and her long hair with shawls has been gradually cut short.She had already bought two sets of uniforms, but she was embarrassed to wear them.A kind female comrade in the group that helped him "bath" once asked: "Why is Du Guangsheng so hard to get close to?" "Why is there always some distance between Mr. Du and us?" Lilin immediately cut her hair short In short, soak the brand-new uniform twice in hot soapy water. It looks like it is worn out, so it feels more comfortable to wear.The comrades in the group said that she had made progress, and hoped that she would be the same.They listened to her initial self-criticism, made some comments, and let her "take a bath" in public.

Seriously, Lilin wrote a manuscript and asked Yancheng to listen to her read it before showing it to the group that helped her. Yancheng listened to her opening words: "My ancestors drank the blood of the working people for generations, rode on their heads to do their best, opened their clothes and stretched out their hands when they had food, only coveted personal comfort, only pursued personal happiness, and never thought that I would be in favor of others. What responsibility does the people have. I am just a big cancer on the Chinese people, if I don’t cut it off, it will endanger the people.”

Yancheng bit his lip and suppressed a smile. Lilin said angrily, "What are you laughing at? This is the truth." "I know your sincerity. But what's the difference between you big cancer and Zhu Qianli's ugly monster?" "Of course not." "It's not the same. At most, the difference between fifty steps and one hundred steps is an exaggerated metaphor!" "Well, what should I say?" Yancheng didn't know either.He thought for a while, then sighed and said, "Probably I have to say the same thing. Everyone says the same thing, you can't be original."

"It's not making a fuss. Anyway, I only tell the truth according to my own consciousness." Yancheng said, "Okay, okay, read on." "I never realized that I was sorry for the people. I took my own enjoyment for granted. This is because my bourgeois background determined my position and viewpoint, so that I only felt that I was reasonable and could not see my own ugliness. ." Yancheng laughed again: "So I can't blame you!" "That meant when I hadn't awakened. My birth was my sin." She continued to read her manuscript: "I must first tell the comrades about my family background and my experience, so that the comrades can not only understand my illness, but also know the root cause of my illness, which can help me completely cure the disease." ."

"My ancestors were from a dyeing workshop, and my father was the boss of Tianjin Yufeng Commercial Company. I was the youngest daughter and lost my mother when I was less than two years old. I grew up in a wealthy family, and I knew nothing about the sufferings of the people. I didn't care much about the working people. Contact, of course, I can’t talk about my feelings for them. I was educated in an aristocratic missionary school since I was a child, and I only know that I admire foreigners. My highest wish is to study abroad, and the most beautiful ideal is to marry the one I love and have a happy life. Family. I sort of got my wish."

"On the eve of the liberation of the motherland, my father passed away. My eldest brother - he was nineteen years older than me - fled to Hong Kong with his family. My second brother - he was sixteen years older than me, arrived a few years ago Doing business in the United States is very successful, and we have taken over our family members. My husband and I can live in the United States. At that time, I was only afraid of the Communist Party, and I was unwilling to return to China. I also tried my best to persuade Yancheng not to return to China. But he told me : If you don't want to go back, you can stay, I can't force you, I'm determined to go back."

"I firmly believe in the supremacy of love, and maybe there are still residual feudal ideas. Marry a chicken as a chicken, and marry a dog as a dog—of course I don't follow a chicken as a dog. I choose my husband. Wherever he goes, of course I will." I stayed with him for the rest of my life. So I left my relatives and friends, ignored their advice, and went back to China with Xu Yancheng. I just followed my husband, not the light." Lilin stopped and looked at Yancheng. "I'm telling the truth, right?" "Are you patient to listen?" Yancheng was a little impatient.

"This is not entertainment, I'm opening my heart and meeting the masses wholeheartedly." "Okay, let's go on." Lilin looked at Yancheng and said intentionally, "It was only after I returned to China that I gradually realized that my beliefs were completely wrong and my ideals were all fantasy." Yan Chengzheng yawned halfway, quickly shut his mouth and opened his eyes wide. Lilin went on to say: "The bourgeois ideology that love is paramount led me astray. Love is unreliable. You can deceive yourself and others. Even true love will change in a short time, not only quantitatively but also qualitatively." , not to mention a forced and perfunctory love! And love is involuntary, you can see it easily when you get it easily, and feel rare and precious if you don't get it, or if you can't get it."

Yancheng said, "Are you preaching? Or accusing? Or complaining?" "I'm just saying what's on my mind." "Did you say the same to the group that helped you?" Lilin smiled sweetly and said, "I'm in tune with the occasion now, and I've enriched myself a bit." She threw the manuscript to Yancheng. "What does the manuscript say, you can read it yourself." Yancheng was angry and didn't look at it.He said, "I don't care how you criticize yourself. If you speak your mind, I will speak your mind." Lilin said: "Look, you are honest, or I am honest."

Yancheng angrily ignored him.But he was a little regretful and a little uneasy. He didn't know what Lilin was going to sue him through the self-criticism.He should read her manuscript first. There were quite a few people in Lilin's review meeting.It was the kind lesbian who presided over the meeting.She is a cadre in the personnel department, and she doesn't usually show her face.She said a few words of encouragement and expectation, and everyone listened quietly to Du Lilin's review. Zhuang Lilin wore a gray cloth uniform, square-toed cloth shoes, her hair was cut short, and her face was sallow.She stood up solemnly and timidly, and read her review.The opening remarks are similar to what she read to Yancheng, only more substantial.Yancheng stared at her and listened carefully to her reading.She read the original manuscript until she returned to China. She didn't say a word about the idea that love comes first, only said:

She saw that the new China was full of vigor and vitality, and it was much the same as the decadent old society in her memory.She got the right job, got a house, started a new family, and everything went well.But she gradually felt that she was not in harmony with the new society.She felt that others looked at her sideways, or looked away, as if with some hostility or contempt.With a woman's intuition, she felt that she was not a beauty in the eyes of the masses, but a standard bourgeois woman.She is shallow, vain, vulgar, and exudes a strong bourgeois atmosphere.Of course, no one said that in person, but she believed that her understanding was not wrong.Because she herself saw her own shallowness, vulgarity and vanity.She can also see how beautiful a simple, noble, progressive lesbian is, but she doesn't want to admit it. Yancheng pricked up his ears. She didn't make much of it, she just went on to say that the appearance reflects the heart.Her heart is full of bourgeois convictions, which are exactly the same as her appearance.To her, work is just a rice bowl, the purpose of work is to make money, and knowledge is just capital.She went to college, studied abroad, and studied for a degree all to accumulate capital. If the capital is large, she can make a lot of money.This all shows that he is a bourgeoisie who only cares about profit, and all he cares about is for his own self-interest. At this moment, Yancheng relaxed his vigilance and peeked around.Several young people in his group: Jiang Min, Luo Hou, Yao Mi, and Shanbao sat in the back row one by one, all with serious faces, only looking at the person making the review. Lilin talked like a heart-to-heart.She said: "I never thought about who I would serve. I felt that I lived by my ability and did not exploit others. My father made money by operating capital and did not extract any blood and sweat. Many people still rely on him to support their families. So I always feel unconvinced I feel uncomfortable, and I often feel depressed mentally. Since the Three Antis, I have heard from my relatives and friends that many people have suffered disasters, and some people have committed suicide. However, the Three Antis Movement turned to intellectuals again—to transform intellectuals. I was afraid and regretted, and felt that I should never, never should, and should not come back with Xu Yancheng. At that time, he did not force me, but I insisted on following him. What should I do now? I thought hard and wanted to defend myself—that is, I was not wrong and there was no need to reform. But after thinking about it, I did eat what the farmers planted The food is indeed made of clothes woven by workers, and it is true that the People's Liberation Army is used to defend the country and ensure the peace of life, but I really do not contribute to them. What I seek is only personal comfort and personal happiness. I have been annoyed for a long time , I felt that even if I committed suicide, I would not be able to repay my debt to the people. "One day I suddenly realized that the masses didn't want to settle any accounts with me, and they didn't want to ask me to collect any debts. They just wanted to save me, let me see the mistakes of the past, and understand the shame of my selfish thoughts. I cast aside the prejudices left to me by bourgeois and feudal society, eradicate the decadent and despicable thoughts and feelings that have accumulated in my heart for many years, join the ranks of the people, and serve the people wholeheartedly." She then criticized her wrong outlook on life, easy way of life, etc., saying that she was determined not to be obsessed with personal happiness, to care about personal gains and losses, and to work hard to hold up half the sky and be an ambitious woman in New China. Yancheng felt that Lilin was very good at saying what she had to say, and she was a standard Lilin.She did tell the truth, and her determination should be true, but Yancheng thought it was just a blank promise.Her level of understanding seems superficial and naive.Can her review pass? The chairman said: "Although Mr. Du's review is not comprehensive, it is sincere. She dared to expose it because she believed in the masses and also realized the painstaking efforts of the party and the people to save her. She can put the wrong, dirty, ugly It came out because she realized that it was wrong, or dirty and ugly, and she was determined to abandon it. Although Mr. Du's awareness is still at the superficial stage, her determination has yet to be strengthened. It is gratifying that she can voluntarily transform herself Yes, it is welcome. Comrades, if you have any questions, you may wish to ask her for help." Someone said: "Although Mr. Du has an understanding of the past, his criticism is far from enough." Someone said: "Abstract negation cannot replace practical criticism." Someone said: "Mr. Du seems to be affectionate towards his father who made his fortune by exploiting the people and his elder brother who is opportunistic, and has no hatred at all." Someone asked: "Does taking off a suit of clothes change the appearance of the soul?" The chairman asked Lilin to answer. Lilin said: Good question!All inspired her to think deeply.She didn't dare to lie, and she couldn't hate her relatives, which showed that her thoughts and feelings had not completely changed.She can only guarantee that she will make a clean break with them and draw a clean line from now on. And she said tears—real tears of pain.This gave everyone a good impression. She was reluctant to cut off, but she made up her mind and asked to stand firm. The chairman concluded: "Self-reformation does not happen overnight, and it cannot be improved overnight. Each of us needs to remake ourselves unremittingly for a long time. Mr. Du Lilin is determined to abandon the corrupt and dirty thoughts and feelings of the past, and is willing to change his mind and devote himself to We welcome the people's team. Let us applaud warmly to express our welcome." (everyone applauds enthusiastically) "Mr. Du, let's talk about your feelings!" In the applause of the crowd, Lilin was so excited that she shed tears again.This time it was not tears of bitterness but tears of gratitude.She said that feeling the warmth of the crowd for the first time gave her great encouragement.I hope that the masses will continue to care about her and urge her, and she will work hard to live up to the expectations of the masses. The few "bathers" who were waiting for the "bath" were not qualified to applaud and welcome her, but watched her pass the test with infinite envy.