Chapter 18 Chapter 18
During the honeymoon, there was indeed "the joy of the boudoir where they can be proud of others" as Jiang Bingru said, and that was to jointly discuss the matter of compiling a Chinese textbook for students to read.
The matter was mentioned last year, but it has not been implemented.Huanzhi agrees with Bingru, thinking that although the textbook is just a tool, it is like food. Inferior food is definitely not enough to nourish a healthy body.Now, the general textbooks are all provided by big bookstores; big bookstores are most concerned about their own business, and the rest of their attention is on culture and education, so anyone who blames their products is foolish.They have their way of selling their merchandise.They have plenty of money, and of course it is not a big deal for their products to be approved by the government.The salesmen set out in groups, feasting on the frugal teachers with a sumptuous feast, generously distributing samples and instruction manuals; giving speeches while drinking, very humble but very boastful, trying to show that they have exhausted their experience and experience in the world. Learning, compiling those textbooks is nothing but for culture and education!Can you still be dissatisfied?And the meaning of being so gracious cannot be let down, so a large number of transactions came.They also came up with various incentives, which are actually rebates in disguise; and the teachers are also happy to manage their products.When it comes to the content, if you believe that it is just a commodity, you will not be very dissatisfied.The text of Xuejing should be taught to the students in the south, but the classrooms in the countryside talk about the phone and the tram, because the textbook needs to be printed for 50,000,000, and it is inconvenient to print dozens of copies for students from all over the world.As for spiritual life, reclusiveness and competition for survival, feudal concepts and ideas of government by the people are mixed in the same book. It can be compared to cooking. Everyone has different tastes, so we have to prepare both sweet and sour. with. ——In short, there are excuses for everything. From the perspective of business, there is nothing wrong with it anyway!However, if the point of view is moved to education, serious problems arise: Are those commodities suitable food for students?Conscientious teachers often encounter an unpleasant experience: in order to accommodate the textbook, they reluctantly teach the students what they don't want to teach, and feel the distress of deceiving the students.Why not make it up yourself?No one knows students better than teachers, and only teachers can tell what students need; the textbooks compiled by teachers are always more suitable for the nourishment of students' wisdom, at least they will not have that kind of commercial atmosphere.When Huanzhi and Bingru thought this way, they decided to try to compile it themselves.Because the subject of Chinese has no fixed content, but it contains more complicated subjects than arithmetic, science, history, geography and other subjects with a certain range. The relationship between education is not superficial. So they wanted to start with a trial compilation of Chinese textbooks.
"For the first subject of Chinese, the technical effect required by students is to be able to express their feelings clearly and smoothly. Therefore, the basic condition for them to write model essays is that the expressions must be clear and smooth. Others are ancient, Oddly enough, it may be good in terms of literary appreciation, but it has nothing to do with students, so we don't take it at all." Huanzhi said this, feeling a kind of comfort and excitement that he didn't have when discussing education matters.On the table by the window, in the rainy and sunny magnetic basin, there are brimming daffodils.The sun was shining brightly, and a newborn bee was buzzing around the flower in its test flight.This feels very springy.
"We should collect a lot of articles first, and pick out the ones that meet the conditions you mentioned, which is considered as the primary selection. Then we will review the content and eliminate the less suitable ones. Our new textbook will be successful." The index finger of Jin Peizhang's right hand lightly tapped on her right cheek, her eyes gazed beautifully at the daffodils, and her clear voice showed her concentration in thinking.Her skin had that rosy, moist radiance that brides often have, and she was even more beautiful than ever.
"We have to define what is inappropriate. Articles that do not violate our regulations can be selected." Huanzhi thought for a while and continued, "Those explanations that are close to philosophy but are actually elusive Articles, like the ones in "Mencius" on xinxing, are definitely not suitable for high school students."
Peizhang made a gesture like a bird happily looking back, indicating that a thought had popped up in her mind. She said, "Like, I don't think it's a suitable thing. If the students are affected by it, they will all feel at ease. Are you still willing to pay attention to what year it is in the twentieth century? Although it is mentioned that men and women are engaged in farming, it is not depressing, but the spirit is born after all; education and the spirit of being born are not compatible at all!"
Huanzhi was fascinated by Peizhang's delicately stretched lips, imagining that there are countless precious thoughts contained in them, so he aroused the desire to let his lips be close to it.But he didn’t let his desire be satisfied. He clapped his hands and said, “You’re right! Education is not compatible with otherworldly spirits. The same is true for ideal realms. If we talk about exploring the sea and gaining wasteland, we should farm, fish and hunt there, and fight against nature.” , This is the thought of joining the world, suitable for young people to read. It is really rare for teachers nowadays to get these. I only see those holding Su Dongpo's "Fu on the Red Cliff". And it’s not going to change, I read it shaking my head, very proud, thinking that I let the students taste the wonderful text of the ages!"
What he was talking about was Xu Youfu; "Red Cliff Fu" was printed in the textbook.
"We said it casually, and we will forget it later. Let me write it down." Peizhang slightly rolled up the sleeves of the apple-green crepe leather jacket, lifted the lid of the inkstone, and took a drop of water from the Jihong water bowl. Then grind the ink.Putting down the ink, sticking to the pen and gently dipping it on the inkstone, took out a piece of letter paper from the drawer with one hand, and said with a smile like a cute little girl: "What? I don't want to read any elusive philosophical articles."
"I remembered again," Huanzhi walked over and pressed Peizhang's hand holding the pen, "We should choose vernacular in our textbooks. Vernacular is a convenient and appropriate tool, and our students should use it."
"Of course. It's just unprecedented." Peizhang put down the pen with the held hand, turned it around and squeezed Huanzhi's hand.From this contact, warm love is exchanged between the two.
"We are not like those who follow the conventions, we often do unprecedented things!" After saying this, Huanzhi's lips pressed tightly against Peizhang's lips.The intoxication of the whole body and mind closed the four eyes; the two souls roamed freely in an indescribably wonderful realm.
This is how they combine the study of education with the play of love.
But the God of Destiny seems to be partial to them, and seems to be joking with them: after two months of marriage, Peizhang has signs of becoming a mother.
The tiredness all over her body took away her rosy face; the intermittent vomiting reduced her usual appetite.My mind became erratic and worried, but I didn't know what to worry about.I am too lazy to inquire about students and homework, although I still come to school every day.It would be better for her to hide in a quiet nest, not wanting to move, that might be more comfortable.
"If our guess is right, let me ask you first, do you want it—do you like it?" Peizhang asked with a wry smile, because a wave of nausea just swept over like the tide.
"This..." Huanzhi scratched his scalp hesitantly.Before getting married, when he imagined the happiness of his future life, his longing for Yuxue Ke's child was also a precious scene.Of course, I didn't expect to realize this vision, what kind of physical and psychological impacts mothers will suffer, and what kind of losses will be suffered in the homework of love between a man and a woman because of the obstacles of having children.Now, Peizhang seems sick but not sick. In short, I have seen a phenomenon that is not very cute; but thinking about the future, ah!Unbelievable, maybe you have to wait two or three times to shake hands before you have a chance.He knew from a real feeling that what he had dreamed of before was not such a wonderful state.
"What is this? Do you like it or not? I'm asking you, tell me!" Peizhang's expression was very serious, and his eyes looked at Ding Huanzhi with a tragic light.
"I don't like it very much! Firstly, you are suffering too much; secondly, there is a gap between us, which I don't want; thirdly, you are interested in education. In this way, you will have to withdraw for at least three or four years. Just take a step back, these things If you don't even say anything, it's a little too early!" Huanzhi confessed to his heart as if he was confessing his sins.
Is there anything untrue in the layers of meaning Huanzhi said?Absolutely not.Peizhang then cried, allowing Huanzhi to know her tears for the first time.She seems to have fallen into a helpless trap, and her future destiny is only death.She is very resentful, hates the natural forces that play tricks on people!If it had buried something in her, she would destroy it if there was a way.Only in this way can we rescue ourselves from the trap.
But maternal love begins to rear its head in a moment, with a special intimacy with that which has been buried inside her.The brilliance of hope appeared on her tear-stained face, and she said softly: "However, since the matter has come, we should like it. I hope you like it! This is the proof of our love, the concrete manifestation of the integration of body and mind, I cannot I don’t really like it.” She said this, feeling a kind of joy of sacrificing for a lofty ideal; although falling into the trap is seven or eight out of ten sure, but she is willing to fall into it, and from the trap can cultivate A new life is different from that of a prisoner: it is still an expression of free will, and what a prisoner has is just a life like an animal.
After hearing Peizhang's words, Huanzhi let go of his melancholy about the new destiny he saw.What deep words she spoke!Then, the guess that there will be a distance between the two is not established.Seeing that she didn't say a word about her own pain and the cessation of her career, as if she didn't care, she just wanted to get that "certificate" and achieve that "performance", and she was so moved that she didn't spare her tears; then, What else can I say but love her and praise her for her successful career?He does feel that he does not deserve a critical opinion on this issue.
He said with a sense of shame: "It is true that I should like it! I said it wrong just now. I hope you forget it, and there will be no shadow of it in my mind."
Then came a tender kiss, replacing the words of begging for forgiveness.
Since then, they have added new homework.The unborn little life gradually forms a fixed image in their imagination, arousing their meticulous love.The mustaches for him are made of very gentle and soft materials, and the tailoring must be exquisite, so as not to hinder his physical growth; The elements, etc., are checked out in the books; the place to settle him must be particularly suitable for his mind and body, what the cradle should be like, from which direction the light should be taken, and so on. Drawing a pattern.These, they all considered and studied with the mood of waiting to taste the delicious food.When they found themselves doing such a solemn and seemingly ridiculous homework, they looked at each other and smiled with mutual understanding.
They have another dream for the future.
However, Peizhang's health did not improve; although the vomiting stopped, he was still tired and often wanted to lie down, but he didn't have the strength to take care of school affairs.So Huanzhi also took over everything she was in charge of.
The morning when Huanzhi went to school alone for the first time was a sad memory for him.He really felt that his happy married life had changed; though not necessarily for the worse, and it was sad to think about the elusive past.We go back and forth side by side every day, why is there only one left now!On the farm and in the sports field, we see each other from time to time, talking about everything in the school like family gossip, how can there be such happiness now!He was like an abandoned solitary guest, among his colleagues and students, he felt only an embarrassing loneliness in his heart.
Unfortunately this is only the beginning; sadness will be such a constant visitor to him that he forgets what joy looks like!
Maybe it's because the physiology affects the psychology. Peizhang's style, bearing, temperament, thoughts, etc. are also changing there, moving in the opposite direction from before!
She stayed at home and didn't care about school anymore: when Huanzhi came back to talk to her about how the textbooks he compiled were going well, and what new metalworking equipment was added to the workshop, she was not interested, as if she had heard boring stories.Her interest was in a little newly sewn dress, or a pair of moccasins the size of water lily petals.She often shows these things the way children show their toys, beginning with "There's a nice thing I won't show you."After repeated begging with good intentions, just now boastfully and shyly, he presented in front of his opponent with the quick technique of an illusionist, "That's it, don't laugh!" Then the lovely blush appeared on his haggard face.After hearing a word or two of praise, she happily said: "Look, how beautiful and interesting this is!" She also praised it herself.
Her interest was again in the quality and price of small clothes and moccasins.The quality needs to be very good, and the price needs to be very cheap.The shops in the town were often crude and simple, and she didn't like it, so she asked someone to bring it to the city; and she was afraid that the entrusted person would buy high-priced things at will, so she gave him multiple hints that the price must be below a certain limit.When I bought something cheap, Huanzhi always had to mention it eight times, which made Huanzhi feel annoyed, although he didn't say it verbally.
She didn't go out much, even her brother's place was rare; but because a middle-aged maid was an expert in news, she knew everything about the town.These are just the materials for her pastime when she lies down tired.A certain drunkard broke someone's head, the daughter of a certain shop fled to Shanghai with someone, the group of a deaf and blind man who played grass stage plays in a certain village, all kinds of news, she was all Chew it relentlessly.Of course, she paid special attention to the news about the birth of a child.The owner gave birth very smoothly, and it took only three hours from discovery to production, and the size was safe; this made her feel relieved that she was going to take risks later, and it turned out that it was not a dangerous thing.The Xi family had a difficult birth, she waited all day and night, the mother was so tired that her voice was weak, and the baby just broke into the world; this inevitably made her worry, if the situation was the same, how could she bear it?The other family was even more horrific. The baby just didn't come out, and the mother had no strength to bear it any longer, so she had to let the midwife pick it up. The baby was taken out, but it also brought something else, a bloody lump, they said it was a heart!The mother bid farewell to the newborn baby forever; this almost made her faint. There is no cruelty in the world more severe than this. Life and death happen at the same moment, and the red blood opens the prelude to life!What if her fate was just like that... She didn't dare to think about it any more; but the bloody mass was about to flash into her consciousness, shake, expand, and finally engulf her.However, she sometimes said to Huanzhi with a mixed mood of sadness and playfulness: "Where is it certain that I will not have a dystocia? How can I be sure that I will not have a bloody heart taken out? If that is the case, I will be finished soon !"
Huanzhi really didn't expect her to say such a thing; it was a contradiction to her growing maternal love.And a woman who is passionately in love with her husband will never say such words; is the flame of love gradually extinguished in her heart?He prayed and said tremblingly: "This is a fantasy, it must not be a thing! Don't think like this, don't think like this..."
He thinks that her mind is too idle, so she pays attention to the trifles in the back alley, and imagines creating a terrifying situation to intimidate himself. It would be much better if her mind could do a little work.Then he said: "You are lying at home and not asleep, so these fantasies naturally arose. Why don't you read a book? What book did you say you want to read? If you don't have it at home, I can get it from school and write to the Shanghai Conference. sent."
Her answer was beyond Huanzhi's expectation: "Reading? What a relaxing thing! It's a pity that I don't have this blessing now! The little thing is inside (she smiles lovingly and points to her belly) like practicing martial arts. After a while One punch, another kick after a while, sooner or later my body will be broken by him; but my mind has already been broken. When I think of this, I immediately think of that, and the result is that I can't think clearly. You see, Asking me to read a book, isn't it just letting the book see my disgusting face?"
Huanyi was speechless for a moment.He thought that her attitude of being bored with books was not like a good scholar who was still addicted to books a few months ago.Let's talk about changes, and it won't be so fast.He looked at her without blinking, as if he wanted to find out the former her from her current body.
She seemed to have read his mind, and added: "According to my current feeling, I'm afraid I will part with books for a long time! Once the little boy is born, he has to worry about everything. And this heart is the heart that reads books; If you move here, of course you have to give up the other side. Ha! Study, study, this dream is over now." She smiled lightly, as if mocking other people's ridiculous behavior.She didn't expect how much hard work she had put in for this dream as a price, so when she said "it's over", she seldom regretted nostalgia.Of course, self-reliance, etc., no longer knocked at the door of her heart; all the things that she used to boast about in the past few years disappeared without a trace.
Huanzhi suddenly shouted in surprise, his frightened expression seemed to have lost the basis of his life. "You can't part with the books, you can't! You'll still be working at the school, you're just taking a leave of absence..."
"Do you think so? I'm afraid my teaching career is over! Doing this requires a kind of strength; now I don't have it in my body, and I may not be reborn in the future. I used to make fun of my classmates in the previous class. It's the wife. Now it's my turn; I'm your wife, what else can I do!"
In this way, Peizhang has changed drastically. From Huanzhi's point of view, he is almost the same person as before.But if you look at her whole life, it is still consistent.She is endowed with the traditional female character; the stimulation and perception of the environment have aroused her independent will and interest in service. The change made her let go, revealing her original face.If there was no stage of entering a normal school, then she said these words and expressed this attitude, and she would not feel that she had changed.
Housework has long been assigned to the old lady, and the old lady still uses her decades-old methods.Peizhang often has dissatisfied criticisms in front of Huanzhi.Although Huanzhi didn't reprimand Peizhang, he also refused to echo her argument; he always said: "Mom has her habits and background, we should understand her."
A more serious sentence, for fear of embarrassing Peizhang, what was not said was "We are the younger generation, so we should not criticize the behavior of the elders!"
However, he was not disappointed with housekeeping.How to deal with housework in a proper way so that it can get twice the result with half the effort; how to spend the rest of the time reading books and newspapers, entertaining friends, doing some light games, or going for a walk in a beautiful place: these are like temptations. Like the phantom of a person, I only saw a little bit in the first month or two of marriage, and then it disappeared completely. What I saw in the family was picking vegetable roots, breaking fish maws, washing clothes, washing rice, and Pei Zhang. The gradually fading face, tired and lying posture, etc., although they will not cause bad feelings, they are also not good.Talking about the little life that is about to join this family, of course I feel fresh and warm; but when I think about the price I paid, I can only sigh secretly in my heart.
He came to a conclusion: he now has a wife, but lost a lover, a comrade!The sadness of disillusionment engulfed his heart. Compared with last year when he felt that the students were tired and neglected, he felt more uncomfortable.