Chapter 18 Seventeen, Diary of the Dead II

【Diary of Beijing】: It's really unexpected that the daughter of a small landowner in the countryside has become a unified soldier.Walking in the barracks, the soldiers love to look at me.I wasn't the only female soldier, but they said that I looked like a foreign student from a big city, and that I also wore the military uniform as a fashion, with a slim waist.Where am I a foreign student in a big city? Quite the opposite.But I seem to have become more like a person from a big city than Han Sheng.Is it because I'm a woman and quick to accept things from the outside world? Not so many fixed ideas? Ah, I love this

The army, the breath is too different from the salons in big cities.This life is real.Look at how handsome and majestic that general Mr. Jitian (here they all use an ideal address: colleagues. Both men and women are the same, a unified honorific title)! I have never seen such a good-looking person! He is simply superior The total incarnation of Pushkin, Shelley, and Luo Ting among human beings is more real, braver, and more poetic than them.Because he is writing poetry with his life. When Jitian talked about the principles of unification, he was as charming as reciting a poem. No one who heard his speech would doubt that the unification was unsuccessful.One can imagine how many women would be crazy about him if he were a poet.I'm already crazy about him.But he is such a cold person.I worked for him as a clerk yesterday, and he didn't even look at me except assigning me work.Am I that unattractive? Is that why he doesn't like it? After a day of work, I want to cry.Since leaving home, I have never been so indifferent by a man!

These days working for Jitian colleagues, I am really depressed, I completely lost the feeling of being a woman, just like a career tool.Is it because my vanity is too strong? Will the workers and peasants have these distracting thoughts about me? What will my colleagues think of me if they see these diaries? They are already talking about me. Some people can see that I love Jitian colleagues but he doesn't love me.Because every time he appeared in front of me, I was so panicked that I didn't know how to act well, and I wanted him to notice me.I try my best to do a good job for him, I dress him up. (Nothing to dress up, just a military uniform. Just work on the shirt, but it's all useless.) I heard that he was an absolute idealist in military school.He is good at reading, arguing, fighting, and mobilizing the people, but he is not good at women! (It stands to reason that this is really my father's ideal son-in-law, but if he is not close to women, he can't be anyone's son-in-law.) If he He looks like a murderer, and I won't trouble him anymore, the problem is that he looks too much like a poet! I can't concentrate on my career! Today, the second leader of the army, Jishukai Tongren, came back.He led some teams around a while ago, so we never saw it.Jitian colleagues introduced me to him, saying that I am an excellent clerk.When I saw him, I was shocked at first, because he didn't look like Jitian Tongren.He was small, dark, with a thin face, high cheekbones, a hooked nose, piercing eyes, and nothing but a soldier.But when he opened his mouth to speak, he was so enthusiastic that it made people relax.He treated me like seeing an old friend, serving tea and pouring water, not like a leader.He asked me about my life, what difficulties I had, what I liked to eat, and whether I liked sports.He said that he cooks good dishes and he will cook them for me one day.He is not like the leader who vibrates the Quartet, he is like a brother, and he is very comfortable talking to him.

I love chatting with Jishu more and more in "Samurai". It's really relaxing to be with him, and I don't have the tension I feel when I meet Jitian colleagues.Maybe it's because I didn't fall in love with him, so I didn't need to make him pay attention to me on purpose.Sometimes we are not busy, and we cook together.We made food and invited other colleagues to eat together. We get along like brothers and sisters.Shukai is very friendly to everyone, so I don't think he is special to me.Today, he said: "Oh, my colleagues in Beijing, I found that your arm is longer than mine." So the two of us have longer arms than anyone else.In comparison, it is still his length.Because he is small, he always likes to compare himself with others.It's so cute.But some people said that on the battlefield, he killed people more fiercely than anyone else.His eyes were like a wolf when they killed.Sometimes in close combat, he doesn't use any weapons, just using his fists and arms, he can kill the opponent three or two times, like a legendary figure.

There has been no fighting recently, and apart from practicing and studying, the army is helping the local government to rectify.My Shukai colleagues and I also spend a lot of time together.See him almost every day.We also talked more and more, from the great situation of reunification to the future, and also about his past life, his home on the Big Island.I just realized what a legendary family their step-family is.From him, I also know more and more Jitian colleagues.It's strange, when I got to know them more and more, the kind of male-female love I had towards Jitian colleagues faded away, replaced by a feeling of reverence.Although Jitian colleagues still don't look at me very much!

Today my colleague Shukai and I went to the local government for a meeting. On the way back we talked about our respective pasts. He suddenly asked me if I had a boyfriend.I said no.He didn't speak.Later we sat on the side of the dirt road, and I sat next to him, and suddenly found that his shoulders were very broad. Why hadn’t I noticed it before? I think his shoulders can accommodate many lives, including mine.Suddenly, I couldn't help but sit closer to him.How much I want to rest on that shoulder. What kind of feeling is this? We never said any romantic words. Since that miraculous feeling came that day, the relationship between me and Shukai colleagues seems to have changed a bit.We're still laughing together, but we're a little nervous about each other.I don't know what to do with this relationship.We were originally friends, and I originally loved Jitian colleagues.Maybe it's because I'm used to men with urban bookishness. Although Jitian is a military leader, his behavior is full of contradictions; when he speaks, he is passionate, but he is usually as cold as ice. He is sensitive and decisive, compassionate and ruthless. There is a romantic, poetic sense of mystery.I always thought he was the kind of man I wanted.But he didn't love any woman, he lived like a preacher, or like a philosophical saint.But Shukai Tongren is different, he doesn't have a trace of tranquility, although he writes good poems, but the poem style is too old-fashioned to read now, which makes him even more unromantic.He was either eager to help others with his hands and feet, or he was heroic in killing the enemy on the battlefield.A warrior.When it calms down, it is still like a beast that has temporarily rested.Sometimes we said nothing, sitting in the evening sun, his cold piercing eyes staring ahead.At this time, his tightly closed thick lips, short bald eyebrows locked, and high hooked nose all looked heroic and moving in the setting sun.I could see him so carefully, but I never thought that we could have any closer relationship, except that I wanted to rest on his shoulder that day.Every time I think of him, I feel very close to him.Can I talk so intimately with Jitian colleagues? Can I dream of resting on the shoulders of Jitian colleagues? Can I joke with Jitian colleagues unscrupulously? Impossible.Tongren Jitian can only be a person in the book, he can only look up, he is not like a real person.And Comrade Shukai is alive, he is the one who is burning.

Finally, my Shukai colleagues and I had another chance to be alone together.This time I boldly asked him a question that I had never dared to ask: "Do you have a girlfriend?" He blushed to the neck, and I found that he had a pair of small ears.He said: "My family arranged for me, and I haven't married yet." I didn't expect this answer! It was so unromantic and very rustic! It made me feel like I was back at my parents' home in the country.I actually shouted: "You just let them do this? You can't control your own destiny? Haven't you heard of freedom in love? Can you not command your own life if you can command such a large army? You are Are you a new ideologue? Are you a unified ideologue? Are you an earth ideologue?" This accusation seemed to knock him out of his mind at once, and it seemed to make our relationship suddenly clearer and closer.He suddenly asked me: "If I want the woman I want, will she dare to follow me? People like me live with our head pinned to the waistband of our trousers, and we can finish playing when we say we want." I knew what he was referring to. Who, a burst of excitement, said without thinking: "She will follow you. Because she is looking for a real man, a hero, a person who selflessly dedicates to the cause, a person with lofty ideals, and a person who is not weak and cowardly." , a strong man, a rebel who rests in the storm, a man who writes poetry with his actions.” He asked, “I’m not that man, am I?” I said, “You are.” And we said the same thing Not coming out, the two were silent.He suddenly stretched out his hand to me: "Colleague, are you willing to accept my love?" My head is on fire and my hands are cold. Is this the moment I have been waiting for all my life? I said: "You are the hero I want I would be your Juliette." He asked, "Who is Juliette?" At that romantic moment, I really didn't want to explain who Juliette was.This is my hero, his romance and mine are not on the same track.I should say I'm Mulan, but I'm not.We held hands tightly, as if silently swearing: we belong to each other, belong to the same purpose.

The business between me and the book stopped after that handshake, and there was no major progress for a long time.Because the war came again, both Shukai and Jitian went to the front line.It wasn’t until the war was over—we won the battle—that Shukai came to talk to me alone, saying that someone went to his hometown to spread rumors about us having an improper relationship, and someone made up a pornographic tune to scold me, saying that his family heard After our relationship, he was very angry, and his grandpa and his mother wrote to reprimand him.He asked me what I thought, and I said that I ran away from home a long time ago for the sake of freedom, and finally came here to participate in the reunification. I put life and death out of my mind, and cared about other people's rumors? I just didn't want to hurt his relationship with his family.He said he was more determined to be with me, he said he wanted to marry me.Marriage! This word flashes in my mind, it is heavy and solemn, especially marrying such an all-powerful figure like him, I just feel sacred! At the same time, I think, we are really two men and women under the conservative system. ,didn't do anything but shake hands, got married now! I still don't know what kissing with him is, what's going on in bed, don't know anything, got married! Is this just unity Church love? Or religious love?Two so different ideas, yet there is such a unity! I am about to marry this great hero, who is more like my brother than my romantic lover.I've never had one of those heady, novel-like romances with him—how intoxicating it is! But I never seem to—but I'll be his wife.Recalling the past, Han Sheng and I were in love like a breeze, so unreal, light, and we moved in together without knowing each other, because we are a new type of modern people, and I am a new woman.At that time, Ai Hansheng was more attracted by his new way of life and different demeanor.It was later discovered that he had just copied the appearance of a modern urbanite to live, and he was still a country boy in his mind.Yulai and I are even more in love on paper. He just saw me when he was looking for a model for poetry, so he didn't love me.Although Shukai and I have different experiences and ways of expressing our feelings, we have had the most work contact and exchange of ideas.Isn't it better that our relationship is not based on the basis of men and women, but from business friendship? Besides he doesn't know how to seduce women like the little tricks of urban scholars, isn't he an out-and-out man? Oh, I It seems to be confused again. If you just admire a person, just his friend, just because he fits your ideal, but you have never been crazy about him, should you be his wife?

Yesterday, Shukai and I got married.It was a wedding hosted by Jitian.Although he was such an indifferent person, he was very solemn at the wedding, even more solemn than me.I was moved by his seriousness.He must also be a very affectionate person, at least he loves Shukai very much, he treats Shukai like a younger brother, not like a nephew.He seemed very reluctant to hand over the book to me. In the evening, I want to tell some romantic stories with the book before going to bed, otherwise it would be a bit embarrassing to just undress and go to bed.I talked about Nora, Heine, and Pushkin to him, hoping that these romantic literature of the last human being would bring us into an atmosphere, and let Shukai kiss me tenderly—he hasn’t kissed me until now! I want to hear him say some beautiful words, such as: I love you; for example: You are my soul.He never said those words.I took out the collection of poems I had copied by hand from my satchel, and read them.These are the most moving sentences I have picked out from various collections of poetry.I read five poems in one go, and waited for his reaction. He looked at me for a long time without any response, and then suddenly pulled my hand over, pulled me into his arms, let me sit on his lap, and read: "A jade man's temples are slippery with gold hairpins, his slender hands are straightened, and his hands are intoxicated by the east wind and sweat." I couldn't help laughing and said, "I'm not a lady, you used the wrong article." He said, "You are What?" I said, "I'm the Statue of Liberty." He put his arms around me and said with a blushing face, "Let me kiss you." I moved my face closer, and he kissed my face first, and then slowly Move your mouth slowly towards mine, as if embarrassed.This time I took the initiative and leaned my mouth against his.We kissed.He didn't seem to know how to kiss, so after kissing for a while, he stopped and asked, "I wonder if it's always been like this from ancient times to the present?"I quickly said: "This is called kissing, not kissing." He asked again: "What is the difference between kissing and kissing? Don't they all stick their mouths together?" I said: "Kissing is the most primitive physical need. , Kissing is the need of the soul and the body, different." Then we kissed again, this time he relaxed a bit, and slowly opened his mouth to cover mine as he kissed me.As soon as I was about to suck him further, he stopped again and asked, "Isn't it the same? They're all kisses." I had to say, "Same and the same." He laughed, showing his white fangs.Suddenly he bit my lip like a wild beast, I was hurt by him, but I was aroused by him again.He bit my lip and tongue, he bit my neck, he stripped me naked - didn't even look at the underwear I was wearing for him! He had his teeth marks all over me.Oh, I love him, he has me like a beast, his strong, broad chest is pressed to my face, he wriggles inside me, he pants, he fights me, he shows me his strength.Oh I want him.

It's strange, when he fell asleep, my blood was still boiling, and I wanted to let him conquer me again.I want the heroes on this battlefield to conquer me time and time again, never stop.I want to be the loser under him forever.