Chapter 10 preamble

As I expected, I was wrong.Rationally speaking, in a moment of relief from my anger, I reflected that I had acted recklessly, and I almost died on that hillside. Is this what I've wanted since Shallowwater fell?Am I only seeking death at the spear of the enemy? When we rescued the two dwarves from Fellbar Castle, we did not think of the orc attack as dangerous.They learned to organize and unite, at least they learned to use a sharp sword to deal with the common enemy. The whole of the North is under threat, especially Mithril Hall.It wouldn't surprise me to hear that the dwarves have taken hold in the dark underground, barricading the gates against a frenzied orc onslaught.

Maybe it's because I realize that the place the orcs are threatening is what I call home.This also became my motivation to keep attacking intruders.Perhaps my actions caused only a small inconvenience to the intruders, but even so it relieved the pressure of the dwarves a little. Or maybe the idea is just an excuse?Can I admit it to myself?In the back of my mind I just know that even if the First One retreats to their caves after the fall of Shallowwater, I still won't be returning to Mithril Hall.I will follow the orcs to that dark place, and accompanied by Guenhwyvar, I will hold my swords high and be ready to fight at all times.I will injure them, as I am doing now, and find a sliver of joy in life in the splashed blood of the orcs.

i hate them. Or not just them? These questions haunted me; Bruno fell from a burning tower, Alifane was lying on the ground mortally wounded, dying.These situations hit my consciousness and I was devastated. What confuses me is whether I'm lucky.At this moment, my eyes are blurred, instinct swallows my rationality, and I feel a sense of tranquility. But these would repeat themselves quickly, and as the orcs fled or fell, I often found that something had gone beyond my plan. What misery I have caused Guenhuffa these last few days!Black Panther obeyed my call unconditionally, and fought according to my instructions and her intuition.I let her deal with the orcs, and she had no complaints.I saw her being thrown to the ground by the giant, moaning in pain, but not condemned for it.When I summoned her again from the astral world she inhabited, she reappeared by my side without complaint.

Time seems to be back to those days when I just walked out of Menzoberranzan and wandered in the dark regions.She is my only remaining connection with humanity, the only window to my soul.I know I should throw it away now, I used to think of it as my everything, but when I found that I had no hope of surviving this ordeal, just imagining this statue that summoned Guenhwyvar, this astral world and the Lord I can't stand the statue of the physical connection, held tightly by the orc. I also found out that I couldn't go back to Mithril Hall and give the panther to the dwarves.It's been a long way, I can't lose it, and this way, I can't turn back.

I'm vulnerable, maybe I'm a fool.In any case, I don't want to stop the war I provoked, and I don't want to give up enjoying the warmth brought by the splashed blood of the orcs.The wounds these beasts have inflicted on me, I will make them repay thousands of times, until my swords slip from my powerless hands, until I lie on a stone and die. I just hope that Guenhwyvar can break free from the shackles of magic and find some freedom against the shackles.I think she's done it.If an orc priest gets it from my corpse and finds a way to summon her, he will lead himself to death.

This is my last hope. Maybe it's just another lie, another excuse. Perhaps I have become caught in a web of lies of this kind, so dense that I cannot penetrate it. I only know the pain of remembering and the glory of hunting, and I will hold on to this glory forever. — Drizzt Do'Urden