Chapter 32 Thirty-two

I sat on the kang in a daze.On the wall of the kang, the rich man Aldynov gave foolish winks to the beautiful Anna, but that look seemed to be mocking me.The room was very deserted, it could even be said to be a kind of desolation.Lantana and her daughter were not there, and I felt that they had become an indispensable part of my life; without them, the house immediately lost its warmth.What on earth should I do? ... Alas, she is such a kind of woman again... I pondered for a while, then stood up listlessly, lit the lamp, lifted the lid of the pot, and there was indeed a pot of mixed rice on the drawer, still steaming.I finished my meal in dismay and opened the book.At this time, bleating sheep came from the direction of the sheep pen, and they probably started to slaughter the sheep.

When I read page 900, when Marx quoted a line from Horace's poem "The bitter fate made the Romans adrift", the door suddenly seemed to be blown open by a gust of wind, and there was a loud "bang". wide open.The oil lamp flickered, and a big man came in.The person who came was actually Hai Xixi!I was taken aback, I stood up instinctively, put on a fighting posture, and stared at him silently. "I know that Lana has gone to the sheepfold. I thought you were at home, but I went to look for you." Hai Xixi, like Captain Xie, has no concept of "dormitory" in his mind. Whoever sleeps there is who he is. s home". "Xiao Zhang, I have something to do with you. I can only tell you about it." His unusually gentle tone calmed me down.There was nothing hostile in his expression.He hadn't been to Lanta's house for a long time, just like when I first came to this earthen house, he looked around.Under the dim light, I could also see the look of wistfulness in his eyes. "Then sit down and talk." Like a master, I pointed to the kang.

"Go to my house. My door is unlocked, and there are still things in the house." He didn't explain the past to me, and he didn't say anything like "Don't be afraid", as if we had always been friends, but just now It is this kind of manly style that does not remember old grudges that has won my trust. "Okay." I clamped the book, "Let's go." After Hai Xixi and I had a fight, we went shopping in the provincial capital for several days, and came back after New Year's Day.Back on the team, he was immersed in driving the car as before, with a listless expression, without saying a word.When I met me or Lantana on the road, I didn't lift my eyes, as if I never knew each other.But I have always felt sorry for him, which is probably the common psychology of winners in the field of love; in front of Lana Hua, I am also ashamed to mention Hai Xixi.Lan Yinghua sometimes talked about him, but her tone was flat and without emotion.Today, he didn't look for Lana Hua, but only wanted to talk to me, what would he say?Judging from his bowed head and heavy steps, it must be something serious.I followed him nervously and curiously.

The snow kept falling, and the cold air stirred the white snow, making people dazzled in the dark night.We walked up to the stable with one foot high and one foot low. There was already a layer of snow on our shoulders and hats. "Come in." He pushed open a small door next to the horse.We stepped in one after the other.The house is very short and small, only about six or seven square meters.There is also a pillar in the middle of the room, and a bright horse lantern is hung on the pillar. The two of us flapped hats and dresses.He took off his muddy and snow-stained shoes first, stepped on the kang, and sat down cross-legged. "Go to the kang, go to the kang." He greeted me, while reaching for a big black iron pot that creaked on the kang stove, and made two cups of tea.The teacup was obviously prepared by him.

"Try it, this is fucking real tea, I also put brown sugar in it." I also got on the kang like him and sat down face to face with him.On the kang was an old but well-polished red lacquered table. Although there was no furniture on the ground floor, only bridles, reins, whips, and leather strips were piled up, they were also very clean. He didn't speak, frowning, pursing his lips, hissing the tea on the rim of the cup, as if he was engrossed in tasting the tea.I also picked up the cup and took a sip, it was really sweet.For a while, the earthen house was very quiet, only the hooves of animals could be heard from the partition wall.He sizzled half a cup of tea before putting it down.He looked agitated, yet struggling to contain himself.He wiped his lips with a slap, looked at a corner, and said, "Xiao Zhang, I'm leaving."

"Go? Where are you going?" He regarded me as a close friend, which made me worry about his fate. "Why are you leaving?" "Damn it! This poor guy is not stupid!" He waved his hands in frustration, "I have skills and strength, how can I not earn these thirty yuan?! To tell you the truth, once I come here Da'er didn't want to stay for a long time, but later met... met Lantana..." He stopped.When it comes to lantana flowers, it is inconvenient for me to say anything.I blushed and looked at him.The horse on the other wall pawed again.He propped his hands on his knees, his elbows cocked like the thin eagle's wings, and his eyes were fixed.I was very moved when a rough and violent person suddenly became so serious and deep.A thought suddenly came to my mind: I might as well give him the lantana flower; they are quite a suitable couple!But I soon realized that under this hypocritical humility, there was actually a baseness hidden, a betrayal of Lana's feelings, so I had no choice but to keep silent.

There was a moment of silence, and his pain seemed to subside.He turned his face and looked at me and said, "I have a sack of soybeans, weighing more than a hundred catties, and I will leave it for you and lantana flowers to eat. There is also this kang table, which is also mine. You can come and get it tomorrow morning. I will stuff the sack as usual. Behind that stack of hay is where you saw it last time. Don’t take it in the daytime, carry it in the dark, and be careful not to be seen, understand?” "This, this..." I didn't know whether to accept it or not.I understood his kindness, his gallantry, his manly generosity, but it made me very ashamed.I no longer want to be a favored person.

"Don't worry, it's not stolen." He misunderstood the reason for my hesitation and said, "I know you students don't eat stolen things. You don't know, let me tell you the truth: as soon as I come here Son, a large field of beans was planted on the wasteland on both sides. Bear!There is a lot of wasteland here.In autumn, I collected a full three or four hundred catties.Xie Huzi knew about this, but he didn't tell the field department.This bear is still a good man!So I obey him. "They always think of me as noble—"Don't eat stolen things"—only I know that I am not what they imagined. I think of how I cheated my fellow villagers' yellow radish, and how I got into the kitchen How can we rub against the free food of lantana flowers... I would rather cheat and rub against it, but Hai Xixi uses her own strength to open up wasteland. What a big difference there is? Me and him, what is the difference? Who is noble? I frowned and thought. "Then, why don't you take it away? "I sincerely think of him. "I don't take it!"Wherever I go, I can't afford to eat.Unlike you, a woman, a scholar..." He pointed to the corner of the kang again, "Look, I still have such a large pile of bedding. "I just realized that the two of us are sitting on the bare kang mat now. In a corner of the kang, a roll of packed luggage is stacked and tied together with a white wooden box. The two ends are tied with back knots commonly used by people in the Northwest. , you can walk by bending your back.

"Why?" I asked in surprise, "Are you leaving now?" "If you don't leave now, when will you leave?" He sneered in his nostrils, "You think I can walk in broad daylight?! Let me tell you, I am no better than you. You have household registration and food relations. If you want to leave, do it well. The formalities are fine. I'm a fucking blind man, and I have some skills. I can't catch this poor guy. They just want me to stay for them to use their strength. I walk away, and they have to send someone to stop me. It’s not good, I have to be tied with a rope. Last year...now it’s the year before last, and many runners have been caught by their rope..."

"Where are you going, then?" "Where to go? China is very big! I have traveled a lot of land. Let me tell you," he patted his chest twice, and said proudly, "I am happy that Xizi has skills and strength. Which land Everyone welcomes me. I’ll go to my aunt’s house at the foot of the mountain first, and after the Chinese New Year, I’ll go over the mountain to Inner Mongolia. There are farms in that land, and the wages are high! Don’t tell anyone about this.” I nodded Head: "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. However, it is not a long-term solution for you to continue like this. I heard from Captain Xie that you have traveled to many places in the past..." He suddenly lowered his head again , staring at the kang table with gloomy and dull eyes, showing that he didn't want to listen to me anymore.I know that for such a rough and confident person like him, once he has made his own decision, no one can dissuade him.

The great iron kettles creaked; the animals sighed sadly next door.We didn't speak, and the hut was suddenly filled with a dull air.He picked up the cup again and sizzled at the tea until it reached the bottom.Then he put the glass down with a snap.As if what he just drank was not tea, but wine, he shook his head drunkenly, blinked his eyes, and wiped his face with his big palm.Then, a depressing, mournful singing voice slowly sounded from his chest: Gansu, Liangzhou is delicious (ah) to drink, why is your face so bad?With a bad face, I know (ah) and said: Sister Ga killed me! After singing, he slapped his thigh vigorously, and sighed heavily: "Alas! Women love young people!" I understand that the "face" in the song means "face" and "reputation". In other words, there is also a man's self-esteem.His expression and singing, with a tragic color of helplessness in the face of fate, made my heart shrink into a ball.He could have settled down here, started a family, married a wife and had children, but now he is going to wander again.But this time he went to wander, but I had a lot to do with it; I became a destructive factor in his fate.I also bowed my head in pain, as if there was a whip dangling on my head. After being silent for a long time, he sighed deeply again and waved his hands, trying to drive away all the troubles like mosquitoes.After that, he quickly woke up from that drunkenness, pulled himself together, picked up the big iron pot and refilled the two cups, moved his buttocks, approached me and said, "Hey, Xiao Zhang, tell me To be honest, what book are you reading? I think it looks like a scripture. Let me tell you, I lay on the back window of her house and looked at it several times, and I saw you reading. To tell you the truth, I also read it when I was young. pass by." Lantana didn't ask me any questions, but he noticed.I'm glad to have such an opportunity to take it easy for us all.I patted "Das Kapital" and told him that this is not a "classic", but a book written by Marx.He asked me again, what is the use of reading this book?I said, after reading this book, we can know the natural law of social development; although we cannot go beyond the natural law of social development, we can shorten and ease the pain we must endure if we know it; like knowing that spring is summer , After summer is autumn, and after autumn is winter, we can decide what we should do according to this natural law.I said: "The development of society, like the weather, can be known in advance, and they all have their inevitability." "Must-ran-sex." He tilted his head and muttered in a dialect accent, his narrowed eyes flashing with thought, "Must-ran-sex. I understand. We also have this saying, we call it 'Tekdirel' is God's determination. What everything in the world should look like is 'Tekdirel'..." "Oh, that's different..." I was about to explain to him. "Same, same!" He waved his hands obstinately, and said arbitrarily in an indisputable tone, "There is 'Tekdirel', it is God's decision, it is what you said 'must-ran-nature' But there is also 'Ikhtiyar', this is, this is... I can't figure out what you call it, anyway, it is 'Ikhtiyar'. For example, I was Manla, and I learned it I can be an imam, but I don’t study hard and run all over the world. This is my 'Ikhtiyar'. If I do bad things, don’t be a good person, and get punished, it has nothing to do with God’s decision, and it has nothing to do with 'Tekdirel' doesn't matter, it's my own 'Ikhtiyar'. Otherwise, it would be unreasonable for Allah to punish me. I can't put the blame on Allah, saying that Allah made I will do it. 'Tekdirel' is God's decision, and 'Ikhtiyar' is my own decision..." His unclear statement, for some reason, made him feel in an instant. There was a shock to my mind.This surprised me a lot. "Open Sesame", originally a meaningless incantation, can also open a heavy stone door.The different concepts used by idealist philosophy and materialist philosophy for the same thing always have common elements that can communicate.I understand that the "Ikhtiyar" he said should mean "human choice" for materialists.Well, although I was born in a class that is doomed to perish, the class that "Tektirel" is going to perish, there is still my "Ikhtiar" in it, and there is room for my personal choice!At the same time, his words also inspired me how to understand the issues that have been puzzling me recently: Marxism points out the natural law of social development, and I firmly believe in its scientific and truthful nature. On the other hand, how can we starve again now?It turns out that there is also "Ikhtiyar" in it. If people make mistakes and do not follow the objective laws of society and suffer setbacks, it has nothing to do with Marxism!Human temporary mistakes and temporary setbacks will never damage the correctness of Marxism... I am immersed in my own thinking.He was still talking with great interest.But the following words are all religious words he learned when he was a Manla.Maybe he wants to relieve the depression in his heart, get rid of the troubles of the world for a while, and think about traveling in the heaven he imagined.The more he talked, the more excited he became, but the more he talked, the more absurd he became. There was another scream of bleating from the other side of the sheepfold.This is the first sheep to be slaughtered.The horse was not far from the sheep pen, and the bleating was even more shrill.Hearing the cry of the sheep, he remembered something, suddenly lost the interest in speaking, and bowed his head in silence. The lantern's flame jumped twice, then suddenly dimmed. "Bear! It's almost out of gas." He jumped up and cursed, and twisted the wick a little longer.A puff of black smoke suddenly burst out from the clean glass cover, and immediately smoked the lamp cover into black patterns.He turned around and wanted to twist it a little bit, but he probably remembered that he was going to leave soon, so he withdrew his hand again and sat down opposite me. "Hey, Xiao Zhang, let's get married with Lanta Hua!" He suddenly said to me without thinking. "Oh, I..." I didn't expect him to make this suggestion, and I was taken aback for a moment. "Let me tell you, Lana is a good girl." He said, "What's the 'American Hotel'? Let someone touch her. Really, you should start a family with her. It is your blessing to live with her." "I..." I stammered, "I haven't thought about it..." "Have never thought about it!" He slapped his knees angrily, his eyes widened, "You baby is like a dog! You think you are a scholar, and people are not good enough for you, do you? Let me tell you the truth, there are Once, I lay on her back window to watch her take a bath, I was so scared! Her tits, and her waist...hehe..." Green Tree always has unexpected speech and behavior.I couldn't help laughing out loud.However, I still feel his sincerity, sincerity and concern; from his words, it also proves that Lana is innocent in this team at least.At the same time, I also understood what it meant when Lanta stopped talking suddenly when talking about him once; she must have discovered his absurd behavior.Afterwards, although he was very kind and caring to Lana Hua, she always said that he was a "good guy who didn't improve", and this was the reason! "How is it?" He finally asked me, "What do you want to do? Now there is no exam for scholar, you are full of books, and you are useless if you don't need it! That woman can afford and put down the sewing and cooking stoves, I can do the work in the field. If I follow you, I’m afraid I’ll lose her!..." When the bleating sound of sheep came from the sheepfold again, he said that he was going to leave.He drank the tea in one gulp, lifted the big iron pot off the stove, and asked me to help him carry the huge pile of luggage. "Is it okay?" I asked him worriedly. "You can move your back! It's thirty miles down the mountain, and you can get there by just lifting your feet." He shook the heavy bedding, didn't say goodbye to me, didn't shake my hand, and only told me to blow out the lamp and lock the door , and then add a handful of grass to the head of the trough.Then he turned around, rubbed left and right, squeezed out the narrow door, and plunged into the snowy night outside. When I got out of the horse, I only saw the whole world as dense, flying snowflakes...the lantana flowers were still in the sheepfold.I went "home" to sleep.