Chapter 18 eighteen

Work started, but the snow did not melt. I like snow very much.The first time I saw snow in my life was in Chongqing.That day, the nanny dressed me up, and when I got out of bed and opened the curtains, a dazzling silver-white light rushed in front of my eyes.Down the hillside, the bungalows that were ugly yesterday and the sparse bamboo groves are as beautiful as the dream just now; the whole clean world arouses a meditative tenderness in my young heart.At that moment, the seamless intersection of the mind and nature, the pure mind's response to the pure nature, made me shed tears inexplicably, and made me have an indescribable solemn reverence for nature.It can be said that it was the snow that made me mature prematurely, and later became a poet, and later... the snow on the Loess Plateau is extremely beautiful.Compared with the snow in the south, it looks noble, graceful, magnificent, and magnificent; the snow in the south makes people feel that winter is indeed coming, but the snow in the north makes people think of beautiful spring.Snow is the real winter jasmine on the Loess Plateau.Today I am loading manure with the cart, which means transporting the manure we smashed a few days ago to the field.The fields are empty, and the snow seems to have wiped out all the superfluous things on the ground.Hills, dams, ditch edges, towering branches...all the corners and corners have become extremely smooth and round, and have velvety hairs, as if the snow field under the clear sky is not cold, but warm, It always makes me want to put my cheek on it.I didn't follow Hai Xixi's car. The driver was an old man in his fifties.The old man was strangely silent, and also strangely slow.Hai Xixi's cart was pulled five times a day, but he only pulled two times, and the animals he drove were stronger than Hai Xixi's.

"Silly bear! Whip the fast cow. Let's take it easy!" He squinted at Hai Xixi as he passed his car in a mighty way, and rubbed his red nose with the palm of his hand.Today, he only said this sentence, as if he was talking to himself, but also as if he was explaining to me. "Whipping the fast cow" means: Those who are able to work and are willing to work hard often do not get good rewards, and are always complained and criticized.This is his philosophy of life. That's right, he drove the car so slowly, but gave me time to think about it.Sitting on his big car, shaking gently as if in a dream.Snow makes me think of Andersen, Pushkin, Lermontov... Ah, you, you made Pushkin!

When you float down, I can't imagine that you came from that lead gray cloud, there must be a pair of slender jade hands to pick you off, where the garden is full of pear blossoms and spring shade. what!Give me a piece, give me a piece, let you nourish my heart.Ah, you, it was you who saved Zhang Yong* When you stretched out your hand, I couldn't imagine you growing up in a cold village in the wilderness, your charming eyes contained strange flames, and in my heart, the southern country was colorful. what!I will remember, I will remember, your jewel-like fingerprints. The cart wheels rested on a small ridge and did not pass.The old man simply let the car stop there, neither moving forward nor backward, tilting his head on the shaft of the car, sitting blankly with his hands on his nose.I'm familiar with that look.In the labor reform farm, this appearance is called "dead dog pie". "Pai'er" is not "pai" to distinguish it from "pai" in politics and academics.People with this kind of attitude can do nothing about threats, inducements, persuasion, mobilization, criticism and education, and have no choice but to let them go.

I let him go.I was wondering, why did I use words like "glamorous" for her?To her, I should have used words like "holy," "noble," "holy," "merciful," and the like.After my stomach was full, I felt a very secret thing stirring my heartstrings. My heart was trembling slightly under the eaves, like a glistening spiderweb soaked with dew after a thunderstorm. I blushed for no reason. She and the women in the team, old and weak, were still fattening in front of the horses.The fertilizer turned out polluted the white snow, which was extremely eye-catching, but it made the leaders see clearly: They did a good job today!In the afternoon, when Captain Xie saw our cart coming back, he shouted happily: "Call the work!" The peasant workers scattered back to their homes as usual.She was wiping her shovel, intentionally waiting for me beside the compost heap.

"Take a break and come to my house." "What? What's the matter?" I jumped off the old man's cart and asked a little embarrassed. "'how'," She smiled and imitated my words, patting it with gusto, "'Why', your 'how-how' is not easy to burn!" I went to her house after eating the barnyard flour steamed buns brought from the kitchen.Now, several people in our group have their own affairs, they can't control me, and they don't pay attention to me.I have such a countenance that no one would associate me with the color of a rose at such a time.But walking on the road, I still can't stop my heartbeat.

When I walked to her window with brisk steps, through the green gauze curtains, I saw her slim figure and the shawl covered with tenderness. ...... Inexplicably, lines from some poetic drama popped up in my mind.Of course, there were no green gauze curtains in her house.Her windows are the same as those of all farmers' houses, and they are also inlaid with fragments of glass—I guess when the team was doing infrastructure construction, the farm must have bought a batch of processed glass at a low price.At the same time she has no "shawl", although she may have no less tenderness than Maggant or Tatiana.She sat upright on the kang, mending her little clothes with a kerosene lamp made of medicine bottles hanging on the wall.Ersher was already asleep, covered with a faded quilt. "Why is the kang not easy to burn?" I opened the door and came in and asked her.But I also seem to understand that it's not that the kang is not easy to burn. "'How-how-'," she imitated me with a smile again, and her voice was exaggeratedly drawn out, "how-how-, why-how-you are here now?" After finishing speaking, she I laughed at the accent I learned.The oil lamp shone on her tight and tiny teeth, one of her lower teeth, slightly squeezed out.However, this does not damage her beauty, just like Mona Lisa's squint, it constitutes a feature of her beauty.Her laughter startled Ershe.She immediately held back her laughter, jumped off the kang, and took out a bowl of boiled cabbage with potatoes and two steamed white flour buns from the pot.

I also laughed, scratched the back of my head shyly, and said softly: "The food is so difficult now, how can I always eat your food? You'd better leave it to Ershe. " "How-why-" She couldn't help laughing again.I unconsciously kept saying "how" in front of her.Indeed, I never seem to understand her. "Don't talk nonsense!" she said, "You put your heart in your belly. Didn't people say that I run an 'American Restaurant'? " She showed me alms naturally, and her pity for me did not embarrass me, but with a childlike mischievousness and a woman's unique capriciousness.It's not easy for me to ask her where the food comes from.Asking such a question at such a time is tantamount to cross-examining someone.Where else could it come from?It's all tacit.This is the case in every family, except for us single farm workers who do not have such conditions.Single farmers and workers eat in collective kitchens. There is no stove, no melon and vegetable preparation, no... some are staring at each other.I ate and chatted with her.She said that her family came from Qinghai, and there was only one elder brother, who now worked as a caster in a farm tool factory in the county and married a local woman.She couldn't get along with that woman, so she came to this farm as a farm worker for two or three years.But she obviously didn't want to mention these things, but she recalled her childhood with interest and enthusiasm.She said that women in her hometown can embroider, even embroider flowers on the bottom of their socks, and when they get paid, she will also buy me a pair of socks with embroidered flowers for me.I kept saying no need, who would show the flowers embroidered on the soles of the socks?She looked up and down at me with scrutiny and said nothing.I suspect she is guessing what is most needed in me.Later, she talked about her mother.Her mother was a famous folk singer in her hometown when she was young—of course she didn't use the word "folk singer", she once surpassed the "Taizishan Huaerhui" in Hezhou, and she was called "Sai Peony".As she spoke, she sang faintly.Green leeks grow in the garden, don't cut them, you call them green land.Brother is Yanggou (well) sister is water, don't break it, you tell it to flow cleanly.

"How is it?" After singing, she asked me, her eyes sparkling with joy. I had finished eating and sat silently on the adobe stool listening.Her light singing, the warm tranquility in the earthen room, Ershe's snoring, the dim and soft light of the oil lamp, and the comfort after a full meal made me feel like I was in a dream.The real world was in a trance before my eyes, blurred, turning into a colorful rainbow.The heart is like a sponge that has been loosened, and it suddenly returns to its original state, and greedily sucks the fresh morning dew.She still sang "Hehuang Flowers".The ascending phrase often rises sharply and repeatedly jumps four degrees, forming a melody line of 2561.2.5; the descending phrase drops sharply from the higher octave of 5°, forming a melody line of 5.2.1.65.Even though her singing voice is very soft, she still has a high-pitched and distant style, showing the hearty and heroic character of the nation she belongs to and the majestic and passionate pursuit of love.Never before has a song, not even a large symphony, penetrated so directly into my heart, injected it with filler, and hardened my personality.

"Aren't you a hymn singer? I'll listen to you too." She asked me with a curious smile, like a child: I sing one, and you have to sing one too! I told her that I did not "sing poetry", but "write poetry".However, I couldn't make her understand what an introduction to literature means to "poetry".In the process of explaining, I began to suspect that I didn't really understand what "poetry" was.Once the creation of the people enters the halls of the academy, it will lose its innocence and simplicity, and language is powerless to return to the original.I began to understand why it is not enough for poets and writers to just go among the masses, they must share fate and feelings with the masses.In the end, I had no choice but to say that "poetry" is the lyrics; she can sing what I write, but I can't sing it, I can only read it.

"Then read it to me," she said, with an air of readiness to listen. I coughed lightly, but didn't know what to say.read what?I suddenly realized that the works I published in the past can only be called limericks, and they are not suitable for reciting with emotion; .Also, I can't read aloud.Poets can't read aloud, at most they can only be regarded as half poets, and they are not even half poets.I am ashamed to recognize the insane shallowness of my past.After a while, I chose one of Li Bai's most easy-to-understand poems: The moonlight in front of the bed is suspected to be frost on the ground.Looking up at the bright moon, bowing your head and thinking about your hometown.Sitting on the kang, she seemed to be moved by it, but then she laughed giggly, and then laughed so hard that she fell back on the kang.

"Ouch! I'm dying of laughter! I'm dying of laughter!...What's frost on the ground', 'frost on the ground'!" She turned over and sat up again, with her face facing me, her mouth opened and closed, imitating me to say "Frost" under the lamp The shape of the mouth when writing the word: "Shuang - Shuang -,..." It turned out that her pronunciation was influenced by the Turkic language family of the Altaic language family. When speaking the Chinese word "Shuang", she inhaled with the tip of her tongue and only opened her mouth slightly. . "This one is not good," she said, "read it differently." When I read Li Bai's poems, I feel depressed and my tone is somewhat sad.Li Bai can still "think of his hometown", but I don't even have a hometown.The place of origin on the personnel file is just my ancestral home, and I have never been back; my mother also lived in someone else's home in Beijing.I realized that what is painful is not "thinking of homeland", but having no homeland to think about.At this moment, my feeling of being homeless and wilting like a plant that has lost its root system should be compared with Cui Hao's "Where is the Hometown at Sunset" and Han Yu's "Where is the home of Yunheng Qinling"? It is appropriate to express.And the strange appearance of her hippie smile immediately wiped away all my melancholy and made me laugh out of tears.I could see she did it on purpose.This is the thoughtful "tenderness", which cannot be "covered" by any "shawl".I looked at her gratefully, and a sentence from Li Yu suddenly jumped out of my heart: "Leaning on the gums, Jiao Wuna, chewing red velvet, and spitting at Tan Lang with a smile." But I quickly restrained my mind. Because on a snowy night, I thought of a poem by Lu Lun: "Moon black geese fly high, Shan Yuye escapes."If you want to chase Qingqi away, the bow and knife will be covered with heavy snow.While I was explaining to her word for word, sentence by sentence, Hai Xixi pushed open the door and came in.The oil lamp flashed, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that he seemed to have left a bulging sack behind the door.Since he always harbored a vague hostility towards me, I ignored him and just went on talking.She didn't seem to see him coming in, and didn't even say hello.Hai Xixi assumed his usual posture, squatting on the ground with his elbows in his arms.After I finished speaking, Hai Xixi spat hard on the mud and said, "Bear! Still chasing him! If people want to run, he can't smell farts! He can't even fly on a plane!" What do you know?!" She turned her head away and stared at Hai Xixi, "You know how to be full and not hungry!" She laughed at Hai Xixi's words, but I was quite touched: "Eat enough and not hungry" Truth, it took me twenty-five years to know.Understanding this truth is much more difficult than understanding Aristotle's "Poetics", and you have to pay a price close to death. "Hey!" Hai Xixi grinned grimly, showing wolf-like solid teeth full of sticky saliva, "It's not easy to know 'you're not hungry when you're full', I'm afraid some people don't even understand this principle !” I glanced at him in a little surprise.Hai Xixi's words seemed to have a deep meaning, and this person and I "see the same thing as a hero", so I have a "sympathetic" affection for him.However, Hai Xixi annoyed her again, she turned around and grabbed the broom bumps for sweeping the kang, and swept the kang carelessly. "Go, go, go! Go! I'm going to sleep!"