Chapter 5 Fives

However, this is such an important day for me, a very memorable day——December 1, 1961, in the eyes of others, it is no different from any day in the 365 days of the year. No difference. This disappointed me a bit.When the handlebar-style Hai Xixi—I heard others call him "Xixi" when he entered the village—finally drove the cart into a residential area when the sun was westward, several of us employees did not See any signs of welcoming us.There is not even a dog here, and there are no chickens or ducks. There are only a few ragged old men sitting lazily on the concrete bridge, warming themselves by the afterglow of the setting sun.They don't even lift an eyelid to us.The layout of this village is the same as that of the Laojiao farm houses, all of which are rows of yellow adobe houses in the style of barracks.But it is even more dilapidated than the labor reform farm, and the roots of many walls have been corroded by nitrate so that the mud has collapsed-there is plenty of labor in the labor reform farm, which can be repaired at any time.It's just that there are one or two piles of firewood blackened by rain and snow at each small wooden door, or a rope for drying clothes, showing a little rural home atmosphere.

The cart passed the uneven open space in front of the rows of houses, and there was no one there except firewood and firewood.We seem to have arrived at a deserted village. "Damn it! They're all dead!...Where are you going..." Hai Xixi regained her handlebar style from being an excellent folk singer, and muttered abusive words in words that couldn't be put into words.Apparently he didn't know where to put us new farm workers, and he seemed extremely unhappy about the errand.He had already jumped off the shaft of the cart, was pulling the bit, and was looking around while urging the horse forward.From what the old men at the bridge called him, we knew that he was by no means a cadre, not a secretary, captain, cashier, accountant, etc., which greatly weakened our respect for him.We also ignored him: pull it wherever you like!This is your responsibility.

Walking to the last row of adobe houses, there is nowhere to go.In front of a door that looked like a warehouse, he stopped the animals with a "huh, huh", kicked up the bracket under the chassis of the car, unhasted the three horses, and led them away. He left the horse without leaving us a word. Several of us were a little frustrated.To our new workers—we are all “self-sufficient laborers”—so short, we are hungry.I wanted to take out the barnyard noodle buns in my arms and eat them, but I held back.Eating is the greatest enjoyment. You must chew in an undisturbed and very peaceful atmosphere to taste the taste of every food molecule.At this time, we have not yet settled down, and we may have to transfer soon. Eating now is the biggest waste! "Hey, guys! We'll probably live here." The Sales Director peered in front of a broken window.He is always lucky because he never admits in his heart that he is a "rightist", dishonest, and always looking for a little freedom.

For example, now, when several of us are at a loss, he has already observed the surrounding environment. "This is not the field department," he said, "it's just a team from this farm. You see, this is our fucking dormitory. It's not as good as the labor reform team! The labor reform team also has heated kangs." We never had glass windows. Looking inside: the freshly pulled hay is evenly spread on the mud floor, and there is nothing else; the mud surface of the dark yellow earth wall has also peeled off, revealing pieces of straw.Yes, this dormitory is really not very good!

"I saw that this is a poor place!" said the newspaper editor from Lanzhou. "It's the same as the Dingxi village I've been to before!" "It's your turn to have a good place?" the former lieutenant of the logistics regiment and the hero who went to the Korean battlefield cursed.Although he was also sent to a labor camp for three years, he still thought he deserved special treatment. "It's just from the 18th floor of hell to the 17th floor!" "Forget it, please don't say a few words." The bank accountant from Shanghai said with a resigned attitude, "If you come, you will be safe. Anyway, no one can stay here for long, so if you can bear it, bear it..." Then, a few people got a little interested, and talked about how their family members contacted them for work.Yes, they won't be here long.Their homes are in big cities like Shanghai, Xi'an, Lanzhou... and their wives are always moving them to farms in the suburbs there; the "director of the sales department" is no exception, and he will soon return to this province outskirts of the city.They have wives and children, and they want to go back for reunion, which is allowed by national policy. Whether it is "as poor as Dingxi Village" or "Seventeen Hells", it is just a transition for them, and they will soon go to heaven.Only I am destined to stay here until a completely unpredictable future, maybe until old age and death.My mother was a poor old woman on the streets of Beijing, and there was nothing I could do; my big family of bureaucrats and capitalists was devastated after being destroyed by Japanese artillery fire. It’s as if all the devoured birds have thrown themselves into the forest, leaving a piece of whiteness and the land is so clean.”I am not qualified to talk about the bright future with them, and squat aside alone thinking about my thoughts.Today, my first day of freedom, I'm encouraged by all the good omens (except not picking up carrots).Since I climbed out of the dead, I will definitely be able to live.Those who have been resurrected from the dead will regard all the days to come as remnants of life.Maybe I'll live twenty, thirty, forty years, even fifty, sixty years, but that's all leftovers—what a long leftover!And as long as he thinks that he has died long ago, that his body has not rotted yet, that he can still move, that he can still see the sun and hear the singing, it is just his own luck, that he picked it up for nothing, and then he will have nothing to worry about.The family is "a piece of white land is so clean", and I myself have become "naked and come and go without any worries".So while I'm a little disappointed, I'm not particularly dissatisfied.I have learned to be patient and not to complain.

About half an hour later, we saw many people walking back with shovels in the fields outside the village, and voices were heard from the houses in front of them.It's time to call it a day.A lame middle-aged man turned the corner and came towards us. "Coming?" He didn't look at anyone, lowered his head and picked out a key from a bunch of keys in his hand, opened the door, and asked casually, which was regarded as a greeting to us.Then he turned around and left again. "Hey, where's the captain?" The lieutenant called from behind him, "We have to go through formalities and report for duty!" As soon as he left the labor camp, he continued his habit in the army.Habits are really hard to change. "The captain will come as soon as he rests." The cripple said without looking back.

There is nothing to wait for.If you want to live, you must know how to live.I was the first to climb into the wagon, and took off the top rotten cotton netting--that was all I had.I clamped it with my arm and pushed the door in. First, I kicked the hay as close as possible to the base of the wall so that the hay at the base of the wall was thickly piled up.Wolf children also have the morality of wolf children; I live and let others live.Then, I put the rotten netting on the wall: this place is mine! "Hey, hello! What are you doing? What are you doing? The captain hasn't come to the branch yet!..." The "Director of the Sales Department" yelled angrily.He wouldn't have called it that if he had occupied the base of the wall.Although he keeps looking for opportunities to engage in small freedom, once the benefits of small freedom are obtained by others, he would rather give up freedom and go to the leader: I didn't get it, and I can't let you have it!This morning, he was the first to take out his luggage and put it on the chassis of the cart because he was afraid that his luggage would fall down on the road if it was placed on the top floor of the cart.Now, when he moved into his bedding, the three walls were occupied by others.Sorry, you sleep by the door and drink the northwest wind!

ignore him!You live, let me live too.He has a complete set of quilts and an old sheepskin jacket. According to the principle of egalitarianism, he should also sleep at the door.I opened my rotten net cover, stuffed the first volume of "Das Kapital" given to me by the philosophy lecturer under the net cover as a pillow, and lay down on my "bed" as if no one else was there. What a wonderful place this is! "Rely on your mother at home, lean on the wall when you go out", this proverb is really wisdom without any impurities.In the dormitory, if you occupy the base of the wall, you get half of the freedom and half of the interference; for people like me who don’t even have a cardboard box, the base of the wall is even more important.If you have some small belongings, such as needles and threads, worn-out shoes and socks, or "ancestors have spirits", if you get a little food, you can only store it under the hay at the base of the wall.If the property is a bit more, there is also a wall for you to use.You can tie things up and hang them on the wall.Even better, if you want to read a book, write a letter home, or the secret corner of your mind needs to be active, you just face the wall, then everything in the real world will be far away from you, and you can To meditate.After sleeping in the chant for four years, I finally understood why eminent monks who have realized the Tao have to go through "face the wall" a lot.Yes, the walls will tell you many truths with eternal silence.