Chapter 31 Chapter nine

Next, came the most memorable and saddest moment in his life. Overhead, the night sky is endless, but there is only one solitary moon, and the stars shimmer timidly and lonely in the distance, and they are cautiously hidden in the farther and deeper space. There is a vortex at the bottom of the cliff, singing an unknowable aria "ho ho".Sometimes, like an old woman clapping her hands in grief, the river narrates while sobbing: "Papa", "Papa"... This sound is drowned by other noises during the day, but it appears pure and clear at night.The sound made him float into a dreamlike state.

The moon has turned to the west mountain.The donkey cart continued on the high slope.On the back of the donkey, there is a piece of melancholy and cold moonlight.His lonely figure dragged long on the bare top of the slope, bouncing listlessly... Three years of difficult times have passed, and the countryside quickly regained its vitality. What Lao He said was right, and the years of collectivization were not in vain.If it weren't for the collective, would the five dolls of the "yellow-haired ghost" be able to support them?If it wasn't for the group, would Han Yumei be able to straighten her back and behave in a decent manner?In those years, family planning was not advocated, and the improvement of the life of the farmers was first reflected in the import of children.On Zhuangzi, there are colorful diapers hanging on the air at the door of almost every house; "Wow, wow--" almost every kang has a doll that has just landed on the head howling.Every morning and afternoon, we plucked half of the weeds in the rice fields. You see, women with breasts that were already wet on the fronts of their clothes, or women with big breasts like dough pockets, climbed up the ridges of the fields one after another. They ran back in groups, their bare feet slapping the embankment.

"Sister-in-law, why don't you go to breastfeed?" "Let's go, my nipples are already sore!" "No, the baby doesn't know what it's like to cry!" Looking at their proud looks, they are like a group of female generals who have returned from fighting against gold, passing with their heads high in front of Wei Tiangui, the secretary of the brigade squatting on the embankment of the canal. But no one cares about feeding the doll! "Damn it, you lazy bastards, you have to go and come back quickly!" "What's the matter? You have to feed the doll too!"

And even more frivolously said: "Why don't you, your secretary help me to sip a couple of mouthfuls too!" On the field, on the road, and on the Zhuangzi, there are women's laughter everywhere.what!Those were the golden years.The Weijiaqiao brigade merged the villages, and every family built a new house.The farmhouses are lined up in rows, and Zhuangzi plans them according to geometric figures, and collectivizes them in every field of life of the villagers.Now when you walk into Zhuangzi, you can see the brand-new yellow mud walls shining brightly in the sun, and the trees beside the house are of different heights, but they are all lush and lush.Straight canals and ditches surround Zhuangzi in the shape of a well. From late spring to late autumn, they sing cheerful songs like trembling strings.

The peasants woke up from the state of abstinence during the three-year difficult period.Eating and eating men and women is a great desire of people, so a wave of marriage and marriage was suddenly set off.The crowd in front of Widow Luo's door was no less than that of a marriage agency in the 1980s, and she stopped working in Daejeon, and was so busy that she hit the back of her head with her heel.Of course, the phoenix on the river beach——Han Yumei's family also cannot do without her footprints. In 1962, the Weijiaqiao brigade was powered on, and in that year, they bought machines for milling rice and noodles.The mill room where the stone is milled and stone milled has become a playground for the dolls.On the day when the new rice noodle processing room was built, he assigned Han Yumei to take charge of it.It was an easy and profitable job. It was only a switch that was turned on and off in a day, and workers repaired it if it broke; just sweeping the side of the machine, the bran and bran crumbs were enough to feed chickens and ducks.

There are a total of ten production teams in the Weijiaqiao Brigade, lined up along the Yellow River from south to north.The production team he was in, that is, the Zhuangzi where the brigade headquarters was located ranked fifth. It was in the center of the territory of the Weijiaqiao brigade. It was the starting point of the rural dirt road leading to the county along the Yellow River, and of course it was also the end of this country dirt road.Han Yumei's processing room is above Zhuangzi's head, and now it has been renovated inside and out.On the roof, several power lines are pulled, and there is indeed a "modern style".The yellow mud wall is specially painted with a layer of white ash, which is even more dazzling in the shade of green and yellow walls.A playful student doll, and a line of big characters in children's body was thickly painted on it with a big brush:

Comrade Han Yumei, Director of Weijiaqiao Grain Factory! ! ! The three big exclamation marks behind "comrade" are enough to make any guest who has just arrived at Weijiaqiao stand in awe. He and Han Yumei didn't see each other anymore, but whenever he heard the rumble of the "grain factory" machine, he always felt warm and comforted in his heart, and just like the running of the motor, his whole body was filled with a kind of joyful vitality.If there is no sound in the processing room one day, he will worry: Could it be that he is sick? Han Yumei disappointed Widow Luo very much in the upsurge of marriage when even the widows who had been widowed for ten years were eager to marry.At that time, the people who nominated Han Yumei could be organized into a class in Widow Luo's hands: there were workers who were streamlined and returned to their hometowns, had two money on hand and were able to find their own jobs, and there were workers who relied on dumping carrots and potatoes and had "three-year natural disasters". "Wealthy householders include cadres who have resigned and saved a retirement fee, and even a college student who wears the hat of a "rightist" and was beaten to become a doctor in a commune health center.But for some reason, Han Yumei kept picking her nose and eyes, and it lasted until 1964.

That year, a Henan carpenter came to Zhuangzi. He was a craftsman who went from village to household to make furniture for others. He looked slick, but Han Yumei fell in love with him. Married to this little Gazi named Song Tiangui... Ah, thinking of this, his heart ached, even though it had been so many years, even though all of this was like a wisp of wandering cloud, no one knew where it had drifted away... In the first year, he had not heard how good or bad their relationship was.Farmers live their lives when they become a family, and have children. As long as there are no three disasters and two diseases, there will be no troubles.In the second year, people gradually reported to him that he was not lacking in repaying the gods, saying that the Henan Gazi would drink when he had money, and that he would not give Han Yumei the money he earned outside, and secretly sent it to his hometown from the post office in the county. , and in turn reached out to Han Yumei for money.Although Xiao Gazi doesn't beat his wife—a foreigner, how dare he?But Han Yumei was often angry, and the neighbors next door sometimes heard her crying alone at night.

"Bah!" For these secrets, he wanted to hear them but didn't want to.But those gossiping old ladies on Zhuangzi seemed to want to chatter in front of him on purpose.As for himself, as soon as he heard the word "Han Yumei", he immediately closed his ears without any hope.Later, he went to fetch water from the well, observed her consciously, and saw that although her stomach was protruding, her face was paler and haggard than before... Finally, the family rift between Henan Carpenter and Han Yumei was exposed, and it was out of control. In 1967, when he was riding a tall horse and wielding a red-tasseled gun, Han Yumei gave birth.That night, Han Yumei clutched her belly and rolled on the kang with groans and ouches. There were a bunch of old women crowded in the room. Even the "yellow-haired ghost" mother-in-law and aunt who had bad eyes ran to help, but her man was nowhere to be seen.Widow Luo hurriedly sent a half-year-old to find a Henan carpenter, and told him to come back quickly to pick up a car and send it to the county hospital. The half-year-old ran all over Zhuangzi before finding it in an elementary school classroom two miles away from Zhuangzi.

It turned out that the Henan carpenter was playing poker with some masons who came to do odd jobs from other places.The school is quiet, with big light bulbs and a spacious place, and several young people are playing very vigorously.The Henan carpenter wore a stack of hats on his head. When he heard that his wife was about to give birth to a baby, he turned his neck carefully—otherwise the hats on his head would collapse. He just grumbled: "I'll go after I finish this one." This "one stroke" lasted until twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, and the Henan carpenter came back humming a Henan opera. When he entered the door, he lifted the lid of the pot first, then looked at the cupboard to see that there was nothing to eat, and sighed , then asked Widow Luo:

"What happened?" "What happened?" Widow Luo slapped her hands angrily, "I gave birth to a dead baby! I couldn't find you when I came back to set up a car, and I missed such a fat girl! Are you still a human?" "Yo yo!" The Henan carpenter glanced at Han Yumei who was crying weakly on the kang, "Who told her to choose me to give birth to a baby on Zhengxing's head? It's a good hand, let her flush it all for me!" "Bah!" Widow Luo was so trembling that she couldn't speak, and spat at him hard.But Han Yumei seemed to be very reserved, staring straight at the rafters of the roof, but stopped crying. This time, the Henan carpenter was outraged.He was not at home that night, and he returned from the county's "County Revolutionary Leading Group" meeting the next afternoon.Before entering the brigade headquarters, a group of old women surrounded him like a rebel, clucking like a hen that just laid an egg. "It's worth it! It's turned upside down!" He jumped off the big green mule with a kite in a rage, "Go and call me that donkey!" Naturally, the old lady ran to call. The brigade became a temporary court, and Wei Tiangui tried Song Tiangui.There were two militiamen standing in the room, one with a gun on his back and the other with a hemp rope.Outside the window, a group of male and female commune members were surrounded by people. "Hey." He sneered sinisterly first, "I think you, Gazi, don't want to live a good life anymore!" The "defendant" Henan carpenter sat on the stool in front of it, facing him sideways, raised his head, pouted his lips, and crossed his legs, as if he was more imposing than the "judge" he was, and ignored his difficult question at all. interrogation. "Say!" He slammed his fist on the table, startling the accountant's abacus and ledger. He didn't understand what he wanted the Henan carpenter to say, and he just wanted to vent his anger on Han Yumei's behalf. "What am I talking about?" Song Tiangui, a carpenter from Henan Province, is a person who has traveled all over the world and seen the world. Not only is he not afraid, but he also replied, "You should talk about her." "I should say who doesn't need you to teach!" He raised his head arrogantly, stood up vigorously, and poked Song Tiangui's head with his thick fingers, "I'm going to say you! Do you still have heart? Give you a baby at home, and you run away to play poker..." "That's right, Secretary Wei." The "defendant" avoided his fingers, rolled his eyes at him, and stated confidently, "Think about it, I'm a foreigner who suffered a lot and went to your precious place alone. I married a handsome wife all of a sudden, not to mention beautiful, but also able to work, the house is ready-made, what else do I want? As long as it is a person, not a livestock, of course I have to serve her well. But I just don’t serve her well now , it’s not uncommon for her to give birth to a baby. Is there no reason for this? Your Secretary Wei didn’t ask?” "Hmm." He thought: This is also true.After going around in a circle, he went back to sit on the Taishi chair. "Then tell me why." "What's the reason? Why did I treat her the first year? Tell her to cover her heart and talk about it. At home, I'm just like the third grandson. Why don't I respect her and let her go? But she didn't give me a widow face , is to give a backbone, as if there is no living person like me in the family. You can’t beat me, and you can’t coax money. If you have a hot face and a cold ass, will you Secretary Wei do it? To tell you the truth, I have been married for more than two years , she has been with me twice..." "Okay!" He interrupted Song Tiangui's complaining, "I won't listen to your private talk. Talk about something else!" "Say something else," Song Tiangui muttered angrily, "Anyway, there's no way to live. I've seen that in her heart...she always thinks about someone!" "what!" He shuddered violently.He looked up at Song Tiangui secretly, and Song Tiangui was also staring at him slyly.The eyes of the two collided with each other, almost sparks.He immediately averted his eyes. Immediately, the tense atmosphere of the temporary court turned sharply down.Pausing for a moment, he twisted his stiff neck and waved ruefully at the two militiamen. "Go, tell everyone outside to disperse. This is to talk about housework, not to try a case, what's there to see?" Only the two of them "Tiangui" were left in the room.When he had calmed down, he asked: "What do you think? Are you still okay?" Song Tiangui smacked his lips and replied meaningfully: "I think? I think if she leaves this brigade, she won't be able to get along with me." "Then," even though he felt very uncomfortable, he was still going to do this, "is she willing to leave the brigade? If so, I will move the household registrations of the two of you out and find a better place." "Hey," Song Tiangui sneered and squinted at him, but there was something else in the words, "I can't do without a gun!" Both were silent. "Well, what should we do?" The "judge" was helpless, and asked the "defendant" for advice. "What should I do?" The "defendant" patiently instructed the "judge", "Your Secretary Wei has plenty of solutions. You just need to find a job for me in another place—a better place, and get a registered residence. What's mine is mine. Hers belongs to her - I am not a cheater, I will never ask for more; "a one-night couple with a hundred days of grace", thankfully she has been with me for almost three years, so I will leave! Anyway, I am running outside I'm used to it, and I still hold my breath while nestling in her hands." "It's not good to be away from..." "Judge" still wanted to mediate as much as possible. "Forget it, stop coaxing the doll!" The "defendant" didn't listen at all, and shook his head, "I've seen it through, she doesn't want to live with me at all, and I'm not someone who stands in the way." After finishing speaking, The little carpenter cast another subtle glance at him. "Well, then, how is the Chaishankou Commune? There is a wood processing factory there, and I know the secretary well. I will ask Accountant Yang to write him a letter, and you can just take it with you." "Well," the "defendant" actually has the right to participate in drafting his own judgment. After thinking about it for a long time, he finally nodded, "OK!" Although Han Yumei's marriage failed again, she quickly regained her youth—in fact, she was not even twenty-eight years old that year.After the full moon passed, the weather gradually became hotter, and men and women changed into single clothes.Han Yumei wore clothes made in the past two years, her breasts and buttocks were as full as sails in the Yellow River.Her hair was black and shiny again, her skin was fair and fine again, and her eyes were lively and passionate again.In the "grain factory" and the well platform, I can often hear her hearty and innocent laughter. In summer, most of the villagers squat on the front of the house with bowls in their hands to eat dinner.When he went to fetch water, he always encountered a series of affectionate greetings along the way: "Have you eaten? Tiangui." "Carrying water? Secretary." "Come to our house to taste some fresh, freshly picked beans." ...Only Han Yumei ignored him.She was sitting in front of her door with a bowl in her hand, with one chopstick in her mouth and the other drooping, staring blankly at him.Her eyes contained a refusal with a strong attraction, a very fiery indifference, a pity blame, a love hate.He put down the shoulder pole, picked up the bucket and dropped it into the well, swung it left and right, let it go down, lifted it again suddenly, grabbed the ring of the bucket, and poured it into another bucket.Then repeat the action again.Then both buckets were full, and then I went home with a load of water.During the whole process, it seemed that he was not at the mouth of the well, but was close to the mouth of the steelmaking furnace, and he was almost melted under the high temperature radiation.Until he turned the corner of her room, he could even feel the pursuit of this heat radiation.Every day, in order to carry water, he has to be sweated profusely—two loads of water a day are indispensable. The divorced Han Yumei revived his passion that had been extinguished for many years.In the dead of night, he thought of the complaints of the Henan carpenter, compared to the woman sleeping next to him, and felt sorry for the foreigner.Yes, it is not pleasant to live with a woman who always "pulls a widow's face" and "gives a spine"; "hot face with a cold ass" is indeed unpleasant.As for his woman, don't blame her wrongly, there is absolutely no "always thinking about one in my heart".She is born with indifferent feelings, and her female instinct of caring and caring for men is very weak. Not only can she not understand her husband's various thoughts and moods at certain moments, but she also loses her temper at every turn.There is a kind of person - man or woman - who is like this: no great fault or fault in family life, which does not constitute a legal ground for divorce, but because this kind of person - man or woman - lacks passion, Lack of warmth, lack of sympathy, thus virtually has a magnetic field.So, in the trivial daily life, it will make him or her more uncomfortable than if she or he had an affair.Because the torment is long-term and inexhaustible, it is especially depressing.His woman is such a kind of person. In fact, shortcomings such as laziness and greed can be offset by feminine tenderness and warmth.This is the reason why there are many lazy women in the world who can satisfy their husbands, while there are many hardworking and thrifty women who cause their husbands to suffer unspeakably and unexplainably. Yes, they gave birth to three children, but the husband and wife have never communicated spiritually.He was originally an enthusiastic and excitable man, but she was a big ice slug drifting down the upper reaches of the Yellow River, and the ship would stall if it hit it.After the age of forty, he gradually found that his personality became more and more irritable, gloomy, and melancholy. This has a lot to do with the unsatisfactory married life, and he is often entangled in inextricable distress.Now, with Han Yumei, he seems to have seen a ray of light in his predicament... Not long after he hooked up with He Lide, one day, while they were having dinner, Han Yumei suddenly came to his door. "Have you eaten? Secretary. Auntie, what are you eating?" When he saw it was Han Yumei, he almost dropped the bowl by mistake.Seeing his flustered look, Han Yumei pursed her lips and smiled distressedly, then glanced at his woman's back, putting on a serious face about business. "Secretary, I asked you for leave. I'm going to the city for a few days." "Huh?" He still had a mouthful of rice stuffed in his mouth, still not understanding what Han Yumei said. Han Yumei obviously understood his psychology at this moment, it was so close to the world, her heart was broken, she couldn't help but lower her head, and asked again softly. "Ah, what are you going to do in the city? The city is in chaos." He had no intention of eating, and put the bowls and chopsticks on the small table. Han Yumei sat down on the kang.His daughter, who is now a doctor in the county hospital, was still young at the time, eating on a small bench in front of the kang.While braiding her daughter's hair, Han Yumei said: "I'm going to petition. The Cultural Revolution also opened my mind. In the past, I didn't do that at all. It was all lied to by the section chief! He lied to me and made up nonsense to kill me A technician who has nothing to do with me. I'm going to get this straightened out." Although Han Yumei can't read much, the loudspeaker of the cable broadcast is installed on Zhuangzi's head, facing the "grain factory". The programs of the "Revolutionary Rebellion Joint Propaganda Department", "Red Radio", "County Mao Zedong Thought Broadcasting Station", and "Commune Mao Zedong Thought Broadcasting Station" rumbled, like planes bombing in turn, from dawn to dusk. "Hey, why are you mentioning those!" He scratched his short cropped hair in a helpless way, "In these years, no sports have been played on your head, and no one has done anything to you!" "I know that the secretary...and the folks treat me well, but the more you treat me, the less at ease I feel." Han Yumei braided her daughter's braid and carefully tied it into a beautiful bow. "The more this is the case, the more innocent I will stand in front of you...and the fellow villagers. Whatever you do, gold is not afraid of fire. Besides, I have to say something fair for those three technicians." Although Han Yumei didn't know how to use the word "restore reputation", he understood what she meant. "Then who are you looking for?" "Didn't it be said on the radio that there are masses of people visiting the reception station. I've made inquiries, and it's next to Ximen. It proves that I also asked Accountant Yang to open it." The whole family looked at her curiously. At that time, it was considered a big event for farmers to enter the city.His daughter enviously asked: "Where's Xiulian? Is Xiulian going too?" Xiulian was the baby who fell asleep on the kang that year, and Han Yumei asked her to ask for incense ashes. She was already eight years old at this time. "I'll put your sister in Luoqu Commune for a few days with her aunt." Han Yumei answered his daughter's question with a smile. There was no reason why she should not go.But there was always a faint unhappiness in his heart. "So, when are you leaving?" He asked sullenly. "Tonight." "Why did you go in such a hurry?" He was taken aback. "Che Yehei, who pulled charcoal for the ninth team in the city, went back. They are drinking now, and they agreed that Yehei would come and take me. I will go back early." He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands for a while, but in fact he didn't think about anything, but had an inexplicable and irrepressible feeling of farewell.Then he raised his head, rubbed his hands in a disturbed mood, and stared at the blue-red dusk outside the door without seeing it. "Then... let's go." Han Yumei didn't say anything more, got off the kang, said goodbye to his woman softly, and quickly walked out from her side.The heartbreaking air she rolled up curled around him, swirling... Well, why did you let her go in the first place? He is a member of the Communist Party, he does not believe in ghosts, but he hopes that there are ghosts. The donkey cart walked slowly down the slope.The night wind picked up, and a small whirlwind unique to the northwest plateau rolled up in front of the donkey cart, and the grass and fine dust rose from the ground.Under the moonlight on the west side, the whirlwind stood tall and graceful, but suddenly disappeared, disappearing into the distant night.Ah, he hasn't had time to hug her again... His daughter cleaned up the dishes and removed the small table.The twilight outside the door is getting darker.The green smoke from the cooking of every household gathers around Zhuangzi, turning the afterglow of the setting sun into a translucent misty mist.The lonely birds are chattering non-stop on the poplar and willow trees in front of the door. After a busy day, the creatures let go of all their senses to enjoy this moment of carefree joy.However, he is like a caged beast, turning around in the house, and like a caged beast yearning for mountains, forests and springs, yearning for the same kind, and yearning for freedom, he cannot restrain his yearning for happiness, tenderness, and freedom. The urge to be kind and comforting... At last, he stepped out of the door recklessly. Han Yumei sat alone on the kang, with a gray artificial leather bag beside her.She was obviously waiting for him, and she was not surprised to see him push the door in, and smiled brightly at him.Afterwards, she lowered her head slightly, raised it high again, and looked at him tenderly. He silently looked at the house: things have been put away properly, bedding and miscellaneous things have been put into the cabinets; the fire has also been extinguished, and the pot and platform have been swept clean.Han Yumei is a diligent and careful woman, even though the house looks empty now, it makes people feel at ease.He pulled a bench over and sat down beside her.Neither of them spoke, chewing with gusto on the time that passed by second by second, and this time also flowed away second by second. Beside the well platform, the cow is mooing, the donkey is howling, the sheep are bleating, and there are lazy people who have not thought of carrying water until now, and the bucket is clanging with the pole hook; "Catch spies" behind the wall of her house, stomping on the ground with her little feet... However, everything in this world seems to have nothing to do with them.Seven years have passed since the drama that took place in this room.In the past seven years, the five continents have been shaken and the four seas have been turbulent.Kennedy was assassinated, Brezhnev came to power, the war in the Middle East, the oil crisis, the scramble for Antarctica, the awakening of the Black Continent, the economic take-off of the West, and the cultural revolution in China... But all of these things were completely different for them. is blank.It seemed that he just left angrily and came back again; as for her, it seemed that she lay on the kang and cried for a while before sitting up... The two of them just sat and sat in silence.For a long time, Han Yumei slowly stretched out her hand, placed it gently on his head, stroked up the roots of the hair, stroked it up, and stroked it to the back of the head, as if to check whether he had gray hair in the dim light .Then, she hugged his head into her arms and rubbed his hair like a scrub brush with her face. "Are you still thinking about Hao San?" She asked softly. He made no reply, but sighed deeply.A ball of hot air passed through Han Yumei's thin clothes, making her feel warm and warm in her heart.Only this sigh expresses time, the passage of time, and the erosion of people's memory by the passage of time-everything will become the past, otherwise, people cannot live. "Every year on Ching Ming night, I burn paper for Hao Sanfang in front of him." Han Yumei shook his head slightly, as if holding a baby, and said in a dreamlike voice, "When burning paper, I will say , 'You accept it, this is my filial gift from Tiangui and I. In the future, one day, the two of us will burn paper for you together.' Oh, I will also bring it to my father, your mother and your brother Burn. Didn't you say you had a younger brother?" Not only did he, the secretary of the branch, not blame her, but he nodded gratefully in her arms—his younger brother, he himself had long forgotten. "It's getting dark now, let's go outside." Han Yumei let him go. "Maybe the driver is passing by and knocking on the door. We're outside and we can see him, but he can't see us." He obediently followed Han Yumei outside.A little afterglow has long gone out.The bright stars are shining here and there in the sky, twinkling, and their silver bells seem to be ringing everywhere.The blue smoke dissipated, and the night air was cool.The sun-baked fields smell of absinthe and mint; ripe wheat rustles with a warm, floury scent.Han Yumei sat down by the wheat field, with her back against the ridge, and let him rest her head on her lap.Grasshoppers hopped and snapped all around them, and the canal water flowing to the rice fields gurgled and sang softly behind them... "Why should I marry such a person? It's because he is also called Tiangui." She rubbed his head, ears, eyes, and nose... "I originally thought that marrying him was equivalent to marrying you. I can think this way: I am under the same roof with Tiangui, I am cooking for Tiangui, washing clothes for Tiangui, and sleeping on the same kang with Tiangui. Don’t worry, he compares himself with you. The more he compares to me, the more disgusting he is..." "Ah, stop it!" His heart was throbbing with pain, he turned his head and buried it in her lower abdomen, moaning, "Stop it, stop it..." Pausing for a while, he turned his head again, saw the sky full of stars, saw the Milky Way behind her, saw countless stars forming a halo above her head, and saw her passionate, gentle, bright pair eyes, feeling her hot breath on his face. "I'm fourteen or fifteen years older than you, don't you think so?" "That's just right! You're old, but I'm still young. I'll let you eat well, dress well, and rest well. I won't make you angry, but make you feel at ease..." "You don't go to the city. What 'clean history', I don't care about that! I'll settle it with her tomorrow..." In the past seven years, the two of them have never been alone together, but they suddenly crossed the original boundary. "No, I have to make it clear. Now, I have to make it even more clear. I can't let people say, you see, Secretary Wei is capable, but he married a regulator as his wife. You are the one on the scene, we No one in the brigade said, someone in the county will definitely point to your back. Originally, it wasn’t for this, why did the higher-ups point me to a labor camp?” He has nothing to say, yes, history and identity are also very important to a villager. "Tiangui, these years, I have been secretly staring at you. I see that you always feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, when you are talking to the members of the commune, you will be dazed; sometimes, the words and the expression on your face are different Wrong sign; sometimes it suddenly fires; sometimes it's listless, Tiangui, what's going on in your heart, just spit it out." Alas, his woman even asked him such a question in the past eighteen years, no! "Yes," let out a long breath from his chest, "I have something on my mind..." So, he laid out his ulterior motives in front of her one by one: at first, he admired the "right opportunist" You Xiaozhou, then let go of the "yellow-haired ghost" and stabbed her again. He bought 20 sheep, then sent Hao San to the labor camp, then mixed water into the wine to deceive the loyal Mongolian herdsmen, and then lied about the water situation and deceived the leader He Lide. Tian concealed his property, bluffed through customs, and swayed left and right during the Cultural Revolution. He let Wu Shangrong go first, then offended Wang Yihu because of You Xiaozhou, and now he has to go to seek refuge with He Lide... Alas, he thinks he has never done anything bad. , But I feel that I am full of sins.Why is he most taboo to put a cross on his name?Just because he felt that if he went on like this, he might be shot... He was very scared and ashamed—because he was "double-faced" and "half a ghost"! Han Yumei listened quietly, stroking him tenderly.Under the starlight, her eyes shone with a look of attentive listening.Hearing him talk about the thrilling place, I would interject: "Ah, you are my good man!" Hearing those ghosts he did, I would still say: "Ah, I love you even more!" In the meadow of mint, daisy, dandelion and morning glory, his words are like the Yellow River breaking its embankment, and the torrent of language is unstoppable no matter where it flows.Ah, what could be happier than this?It is probably for this reason that nature divides people into men and women!You can regard yourself as mature or naive, serious or absurd, profound or superficial, sublime or despicable, holy or obscene, just or selfish... shake everything in your heart Come out, even if you're just talking to her, her devoted, unselfish, loving eyes give you a light to sort yourself out. The Milky Way quietly turned its direction in the night sky, time flowed away from his whispers, and the night wind rustled across the rice fields and corn fields, sending bursts of sweet fragrance of rice flowers and tender corn; mature wheat nodded Dazzlingly, it seemed that he was listening with gusto.Latan's car hasn't arrived yet, maybe the driver is drunk.Finally, he fell silent, squinting his eyes and leaning on her lap with a feeling of comfort as if he had just taken a hot bath.He had a confidant to whom he could tell all his thoughts; his words were finished, his soul was saved, and his dual nature was reunited in her arms.He firmly believed that he was not "half a ghost", but a human being! For the first time, this man and this woman happily experienced that there is a higher and more pleasant enjoyment than carnal desires; this pair of peasants with little civilized knowledge discovered for the first time that two hearts It's better to be together than two bodies hugging each other. Her last words were: "You wait for me to come back." Such a memory, which should have been deep-rooted, was blurred like a worn-out film due to a huge impact in the future.Now, it is impossible to reproduce the whole process in his mind with clear images.Because it has turned into the most fragile lesion in his chest, and the slightest touch will make his whole body go into convulsions. Now that the donkey cart was going down the high slope, the hemp rope on the plywood was straightened abruptly, and the leather collar squeaked.The donkey wiggled its ears reluctantly, thought for a while, and pulled the cart forward unhurriedly. At this time, the ancient road turned to the river. There were no dense reeds on the river beach at this section, and it could be seen under the moonlight. I have been seeing the sandy slope on the other side.The dark blue sand slope stretched straight to the north and south, without ups and downs, and without end. The wind blew from the sand slope, bringing a stream of cold moisture from the river, and he couldn't help shivering... That night, the driver was drunk, and the car passed by the Zhuangzi of their fifth team early the next morning.She drove away.On that day, the "grain factory" stopped working, and Zhuangzi was lonely and deserted like never before. She told him to go for three days at most, but five days, ten days, half a month passed, and she was still like a yellow crane.Growing restless, and feeling intuiting misfortune, he went into town to search for her. She said there was a long queue in front of the reception station for mass visits.The head rests on the west gate, and the tail drags all the way to the moat bridge.People with melancholy, gloomy and angry faces inquired about each other's case, inquired about the news, chattered, and was as lively as a free market.He squeezed into the reception station, and the staff seemed to be numbed by countless painful complaints, and they had no memory of such a rural woman.He thought that when Han Yumei walked into the city, everyone would look at her, but no one had seen her.The next day, he took Holly's note to the person in charge of the reception station.这个负责人过去是贺立德的部下，搬出一大摞小本子，帮他从她离开庄子那天一直查到当天，没有一个叫韩玉梅的上访者。 他去找司机。司机是他管辖下的九队一个社员的女婿，人很老实。据司机说，因为她跟他老丈人在一个大队，所以特别关照，那天早晨开着车直接把她送到西门。她看到接待站门前那么多人，曾犹豫了一下，司机劝她先去吃饭，她说不，先排上号再说。司机又告诉她他家的地址，叫她中午到他家吃饭，没住的地方，晚上还可以跟他女人睡在一个床上，中午，她真的找来了，挺高兴地说有一个过去在什么工厂受了处分的人很热心，帮她把号挂上了。还说，要是省里不解决问题，还准备上北京哩。一上午，她好像就增长了不少关于上访和落实政策的知识，表现得很兴奋。临走，还跟他女人说好晚上来睡。他女人挺喜欢她，说她是个憨厚的庄户人，又是一个大队的乡亲，特地给她换了新床单，铺了干净褥子。可是晚上她没来，从此也就不见了。他们两口子还以为她回庄子了哩。 既然挂上了号，为什么登记簿上没有呢？问司机，司机除了“什么工厂受过处分的人”几个字外，提供不出任何东西。 他丧魂失魄地在省城转了两天，要不是贺立德和刘卫青极力劝阻他，他就上北京了。不过，老贺还是够朋友的，动用了自己所有的关系帮他寻找线索，第四天，贺立德告诉他，公安局军管会的通报上说，半个月前，盐海湾铁路旁边发现了一具无名女尸，从岁数、身材、发式上看，极像他要找的韩玉梅——老贺早已忘了韩玉梅就是他曾想逮捕的“坏人”，还以为是他魏天贵的一门亲戚哩——叫他去一趟盐海湾。 盐海湾是去北京途中的一个大站。他拿着省“红革造”的介绍信找到盐海湾公安局军管会的负责人，负责人很认真地接待了他，说女尸已经焚化了，又没留下一点遗物可供证明身份，只拍了几张照片。但因为在扭打过程中面部被击伤，所以面部特征也不太清楚……他拿着几张女尸全身的、头部的、正面的、侧面的照片，越看越像，别的话他都听不进去，只听见自己耳朵里清清楚楚地回响着扑通扑通的心跳声，最后，一下子晕倒在公安局的办公室里…… 他又回来了。 在火车上，他就心焦火燎，两只拳头攥得紧紧地，替火车头暗暗加劲：快呀！快呀！快呀……他还不知道他已经像头老狼：硬发高奓，两眼血红，满腮胡茬，一脸凶相。同车的旅客看着他，心惊胆战，都以为他不是武斗里逃出来的凶手，就是越狱的犯人。他要喝水，但画着铁路路徽的茶缸老在他牙齿上磕碰，水洒了一身，却喝不进嘴里，他就这样带着两片燎了泡的嘴唇回到庄子。 回到庄子刚刚天黑，他没有进家，一口气跑到那块麦田，一头栽在他们俩曾在一起的田埂旁边。 麦子已经割过了。麦田上只剩下短短的麦茬和被割去顶端的首蓿。他跪在已被烈日晒得板结的麦田上，在他们俩坐过的地方爬来爬去。同时，死命地揪着首蓿、揪着麦茬，把它们连根拔起来，用坚实的牙齿嚼着、咬着、撕着，牙齿和手指都渗出了鲜血。他要哭，却没有眼泪。他的喉咙里只能发出阵阵暗哑的嘶嘶声。初升的月亮照着他：他像一头得了噎食病的老熊，伏在地上对着田埂干呕。 他在那里趴了一夜，天亮时，出工的社员才发现他…… 他也抱过她还会回来的希望。尤其在一九七一年，上面发下来一份多少多少号文件，说是四川和广西竟有拐骗妇女的集团，一鞭子吆好几十，赶到缺少妇女的地方去卖。这曾激起了他很大的幻想，但若干年过去了，她仍杳音讯。从此，那块麦田——仅仅是那么巴掌大的一点，就和他老妈的坟墓一样，成了他心中的一块圣地。不管什么学大寨、造平原、开沟渠、铺农田，他利用自己的职权始终没有在那里动过一锹。