Chapter 7 Chapter One

Wrong, wrong, wrong! ——Lu You's "Phoenix with Hairpin Head" I was shocked.Even though I knew she wasn't dead, I was still in shock. I recognized her from the mole. I look at her and she looks at me.Passengers coming and going, the electric clock on the wall, the huge train timetable, the white lights, the green lights, the red lights, all of them turned into mottled mottled colors on the palette.Only she, standing opposite me in front of the hazy background, is so clear and vivid. "How are you?" She smiled sadly at me. I didn't hear what she said, but I could tell from the trembling of her lips that she said this sentence.

My lips moved too, but I didn't know what I said.I was shaking like a fever again, as I had been that night twelve years ago. "Married?" I saw tears in her eyes. "No." I tried my best to control my gums and spit out this sentence. "It should be... find someone... so old." Her voice was soft and flat, like a pool of stagnant water, without any waves of emotion. "Now you have the conditions... find one, take care of yourself..." "No, I don't want to look for..." I wanted to ask her forgiveness, but she smiled at me apologetically.I could see that she wanted to smile beautifully, as bright as the sun, as she used to.However, her face seemed to have lost the ability to smile like that.Now, her smile is as desolate and weak as the moonlight; it is also like a shadow in a dream, passing away with a light flick.

I just noticed: she has changed!Her face was shriveled and thin, with sad wrinkles on her forehead, around her eyes, and around her mouth.A lock of sweat-stained hair lay casually on the side of the cheek; a drop of clear snot was condensed on the edge of the nostril, shining brightly.Now she is like an old painting that has lost its brilliant colors, and only some vague and beautiful lines remain on it. "Where are you going?" Her breath was short, but she asked me pretending to be calm. "I... I sent a friend off. He just got in the car. You... Where are you going?" I also tried to calm myself down.By the way, what's the point?Don't many people bury their grief in their hearts?Grief is buried in the bottom of the heart, just like a corpse is buried in the soil, and it will slowly disappear. It is said that it will also make the heart full just like a corpse can make the soil fertile.

"I... let's go home, go back to our hometown." She laughed suddenly, but the laughter sounded like a moan.I saw her unsmiling eyes flickering with the wandering gaze of a mental patient. For me, there is still a key to unlock that horrible memory.No, she cannot be allowed to open the door of my closed memory.There is a fire that destroys myself.I took a step back. Suddenly, her eyes became stern, and she lifted her upper right lip, revealing her white canine teeth, and yelled behind me: "Ghost! Where have you been wandering! Ghost! You don't care about anything! You..."

"Hey...the small restaurant opposite the station, hey..." A vague answer sounded from behind me, and at the same time a stench mixed with white wine, garlic and oil sprayed on my cheeks. he!Wearing a half-new gray Dika uniform, he staggered past me and muttered like calming a frightened horse.He was already drunk, and the words rolled on the bottom of his tongue like sticky phlegm.Finally, one stumbled and sat at the feet of the two girls who were sleeping on the bench. "Hmm...why are you getting so angry?...Look at you, you're amazing..." He leaned his upper body, groped in his pockets, and finally found a few sunflower seeds, lowered his head and began to nibble sullenly.

Suddenly, a vicious pleasure rose in my heart.I puffed out my chest, and let out a threatening sound from my nostrils. "Oh, it's you..." He raised his head, but he didn't show surprise or jealousy at all, but looked at me flatteringly. "Wang Fuhai, do you still recognize me?" I bent down and asked him with the count of Monte Cristo. "How can I forget?" He smiled wryly, "You, Comrade Shi Zai..." "Are you doing well?" I raised my eyebrows. "Well... look, this isn't it, we're back home. My elder brother found me a job in the county business bureau... what's the point of being on a farm... work instead of work, and have to take exams... you're all right now, Intellectuals, it's your world now. Huh? Isn't it? You won't be able to pass the exam..."

He has changed too!I remember him being at least six years younger than me, but the signs of aging were already snaking from the veins in his neck to his jaws and the dark folds around his ears.His face was dark, but it showed the usual paleness of alcoholic people, coupled with the stains of oil on his chest, he fully expressed the poverty that was overwhelmed by life and the habitual boredom of drifting with the tide. This image, suddenly Made me feel small-minded and mean.I am sad.Time is really ruthless. In its millstone, we have been squeezed out so much life juice in just twelve years.I sighed heavily and turned the conversation to another person.

"Where is Liu Jun now? How is he?" "He's so slippery. He's already been transferred back to his hometown." He smiled slyly at me, "He has a way, he's...he's the kind of guy who has a way. He's...he's always Officer. That kid! He is...he has the talent to be an official..." He frowned, putting on a serious expression, but repeated those few words over and over again. At this time, she suddenly let out painful, suppressed sobs beside her.Immediately, she covered her face with her hands, turned around abruptly, and shouted to me in a sharp voice:

"Go back, go back! Go back..." The waiting room was noisy.The air was stale, and there was a smoky smell of urine.Her shaggy hair, quivering with her sobs under a cheap nylon hood, her protruding shoulder blades, her thin shoulders (which were round, plump, and strong!) opened and closed like door hinges , but he lit a cigarette and looked around with indifferent eyes. What more can I say to her?Deep repentance?Gentle consolation?Passionate chatter?Enthusiastic encouragement?Pious blessings? ... All this is hypocrisy, hypocrisy and superfluity!Since that true love has long since passed away.

What more can I say to her?Even saying "goodbye" is hypocritical.We all know that after this chance meeting, we will never see each other again in this life.The past is not even comparable to a white bone that will never disappear according to the law of indestructibility of matter. It just disappears slowly and slowly, leaving no trace in the world. I turned around and left.At the door of the waiting room, I looked back at them again.She stopped sobbing, put her knees on the bench, and stood in a half-kneeling posture, facing the huge train timetable on the wall, as if praying silently; he was still lying on the bench like a pile of gray cloth On the chair, only a wisp of green smoke shows his life.The light waves froze at this moment, and I will never forget this scene in my life.However, all of this gradually became blurred again, and finally, it all melted into a drop of crystal tears. I rushed out of the glass door and quickly covered my mouth with a handkerchief so as not to cry...

Ah, her whispers of the past scratch my heart, and at last she opens the floodgates of memories, though there is a fire that destroys me.But, I thought, how can we live again without destroying the past.So, I'm going to write, I'm going to write!I want to write about the past, for her, for me, and for people who have the right to live a better life.The God of an atheist is the people.I, such a weak and shallow atheist who survived, write my confession, write my prayer, and ask God-the people to bless: this will not happen again in the future.