Chapter 4 Part II - 2

The breakup with Li Bin in the second part was a big blow to Miao Miao In the late spring of 1995, I met Miao Miao, that is, during that time, Miao Miao met Li Bin and began to fall in love with him.Like me, Li Bin is an outsider to Dongwen's circle.He works as a director in a film and television company, and it is said that he has directed a very bad TV series. According to his words, he came into contact with Dongwen's circle "due to the needs of his career." Li Bin once said to Jiang Bei: "I have read all of your novels. They are well written, but they are too niche. How about we cooperate, and making them into TV dramas can help you expand your influence."

He also claimed to have slept with the heroine of the TV series he directed. Lu Dayuan said, not without harshness: "The filming of the film is very stinky, there is nothing to brag about, only to have sex with the heroine." All these things made Dongwen's circle very disgusted with Li Bin, thinking that he was a vulgar guy.Of course, this is the opinion of Lu Dayuan and the others, Miao Miao doesn't think so. She told me that she had been in love twice before me, the first time with a student of Masson's, and that both of them had done what they were supposed to do.But when it comes to this love affair, Miao Miao seems to be very indifferent, she said:

"It's said that first love is the most memorable, isn't it! Anyway, I don't feel that way." On the surface, Miao Miao is belittling her first love, but in fact she is emphasizing the relationship with Li Bin. "It was only later that I realized that it was not a relationship at all..." Miao Miao said, and the "later" naturally refers to the time when she and Li Bin fell in love. Li Bin had a girlfriend before, and the two talked for six years. Later, the girl went to Beijing, fell in love with another man, and left Li Bin.This incident hit Li Bin very hard.He once showed Miao Miao the diary of being in love with that girl for six years, which made Miao Miao teary.Later, the girl was abandoned by her boyfriend in Beijing and wanted to return to Li Bin. Although Li Bin still loved her, she still refused.The lonely and helpless girl died in an accidental car accident. It is said that she was still breathing when she was sent to the hospital. She died calling Li Bin's name.

Naturally, Miao Miao told me all of this, and of course she heard what Li Bin said, so why do I think it's not credible?No matter how it sounds, it sounds like the plot of a TV series, and it is the kind of bad TV series made by Li Bin.Considering that he is a director and is collecting relevant material, I am even more skeptical.Miao Miao naturally believed in Li Bin's story deeply. If I said my thoughts, wouldn't it be a bit desecrating her feelings? I just said to Miao Miao: "Well, it sounds very touching." Later, Miao Miao repeated it many times, and I believed it to be true. I felt that such a far-fetched thing might have happened, and the specific details might be fictitious, but the general outline should be the same.

After Miao Miao and Li Bin got married, they were unanimously opposed by Yue Ziqing and the Dongwen circle. Miao Miao's attitude was firm and her relatives did not recognize her, so it was difficult for others to interfere. Miao Miao said that before she and Li Bin confirmed their relationship, the other party asked her to think about it for a week.Li Bin said that he had been hurt and didn't want the past to happen again. He told Miao Miao not to make a hasty decision.They met again a week later, and Miao Miao became Li Bin's girlfriend. About a month or so after they got together, Miao Miao and Li Bin joked when they were having dinner at Li Bin's house, "When you grow old, I won't want you!"

Li Bin's face changed abruptly when he heard this, he put down the bowl and chopsticks and went back to his room. Miao Miao followed in and asked him, "What's the matter with you? Are you upset? I'm just kidding you." Li Bin didn't answer, and they broke up that night. This incident happened at the dinner table of Li Bin's family. Li Bin's parents were also present at the time. It can be seen that Miao Miao and Li Bin's family are already very familiar. She treats herself as an unmarried daughter-in-law, so she talks so casually.Before that, Miao Miao did talk to Li Bin about the future and her plans.Yue Ziqing hoped that Miao Miao would apply for a graduate degree at the Beijing Conservatory of Music after graduation. Miao Miao told Li Bin that she would return to Nanjing to marry him after she graduated from graduate school.

Li Bin wrote a long letter to Miao Miao that night, and Miao Miao received it a day later.In the letter, Li Bin told Miao Miao that he hadn't slept all night, and after repeated consideration, he felt that it would be better for the two of them to break up.He mentioned his former girlfriend again, saying that she only went to Beijing to follow someone else, and now Miao Miao is also planning to go to Beijing to study.If he asked Miao Miao not to go, she might agree, but he didn't want to do that, and he didn't want her to stay in Nanjing for his own sake, because this was not Miao Miao's original intention, and he couldn't afford such a sacrifice, and would feel guilty for life.In short, the breakup is the result of Li Bin's careful consideration, not a momentary impulse.In the whole letter, he didn't mention the joke that Miao Miao made at the dinner table, because a joke is a joke after all, and Li Bin is serious.

After this letter, Li Bin disappeared, and Miao Miao couldn't find him anywhere.When I went to Li Bin's house, the attitude of Li Bin's parents also changed. Miao Miao was not allowed to enter the house. When I went to Li Bin's work, my colleagues said that Li Bin had gone on a business trip and didn't know when he would come back.Li Bin's paging calls were not answered, and the calls were not answered.Even if he answered, Li Bin would hang up immediately when he heard Miao Miao's voice, and if he called again, it would be a busy signal.One night four or five days later, Li Bin suddenly called Miao Miao, and Miao Miao burst into tears when he heard his voice.The root of her illness probably fell at that time, and she cried whenever she heard Li Bin's voice, let alone meeting her.

They talked for a long time that night, all night long, until the windows turned white and the birds on the neighbor's balcony twittered.Li Bin was infinitely gentle, talking about the scenes and scenes of getting along with Miao Miao, he said how painful he was these days, and a big boil grew on his face.Li Bin said that he still loves Miao Miao, and this kind of love will never change, even stronger than before.When it came to the sad part, Li Bin also cried, and after crying, the two laughed again, crying and laughing like this several times.Even so, Li Bin has no intention of reconciling.

After the phone call this time, Miao Miao never called Li Bin again, and the latter would call Miao Miao every once in a while, asking her about her situation, did she have a boyfriend?Miao Miao couldn't help crying as soon as she answered the phone.Later, it became a rule that Li Bin would call Miao Miao every two or three months, and the conversation was not long. He asked Miao Miao: "Do you have a boyfriend?" Miao Miao said no, and then she asked Li Bin: "Do you have a girlfriend?" Li Bin said, "That's not called a girlfriend, it's a woman." Instead of being sad, Miao Miao was very happy. She said to Wang Xuemei, "He doesn't have a girlfriend, only women."

Later Miao Miao and I got together, and she said the same thing to me: "Li Bin doesn't have a girlfriend, he only has women." Lu Dayuan told me that Li Bin was with a woman named Su Juan. She was the manager of the planning department of a certain company and was a strong woman.Li Bin contracted the advertising department of a TV station because he had no future in filming TV series.Lu Dayuan's hint is obvious. The reason why he abandoned Miaomiao was because of profit. A strong woman can bring him a lot of business. I mentioned Su Juan carefully to Miao Miao, and Miao Miao said: "I know, as Li Bin said, she is not his girlfriend, but just one of his women." With Miao Miao's attitude like this, I can't say anything more. If I say that Li Bin and Su Juan are together because of their interests, Miao Miao will only be happy.Their union is driven by profit, not because of love, what could comfort Miao Miao more than this? Breaking up with Li Bin was a big blow to Miao Miao. She fell seriously ill and had a high fever of forty-two degrees. When she looked at things, they were all green, as if separated by a layer of green mist.After recovering from her illness, Miao Miao gave up practicing the piano, and Yue Ziqing stopped urging her daughter, and everyone felt that something was wrong with her.It was at this time that Miao Miao began to alienate Dongwen's circle, needless to say she had resentment towards Lu Dayuan, and she even ignored Jiang Bei's visit to Yue Ziqing.Miao Miao and Wang Xuemei hang out together all day long, and the two always go together, going out in pairs. One day they walked through Dongwen campus arm in arm, and Wang Xuemei suddenly said, "Oh, you are singing!" Only then did Miao Miao realize that she was humming a song.At that time, the weather was already very cold, the trees on the campus were withered, and the fallen leaves were blown by the wind and swirled on the road. At this time, it had been half a year since Miao Miao and Li Bin broke up. The last two days of the second part of the retreat During the last two days of retreat, I carefully sorted out the relationship between Miao Miao and Li Bin.Most of the plots were provided by Miao Miao. At that time, I didn’t delve into it, let alone splicing them into a logical sketch. The reason why I do this now is to better understand what happened in front of me.However, the available materials are limited, except for what Miao Miao occasionally mentioned, there are only descriptions by Lu Dayuan and the others.The materials from different sources are very different, and the statements are far from each other, and even contradict each other. I ask myself to be as impartial as possible, take the objective and reasonable part, add my personal experience, understanding and guess, so a picture of cause and effect The clear picture is completed.I think my analysis is true, at least more real and reasonable than Miao Miao or Lu Dayuan's unilateral descriptions. At around four o'clock in the afternoon on the seventh day, I was about to call Miao Miao to announce that the retreat was over, and she had already arrived. I let Miao Miao into the north room, and I felt that I had been reborn.Miao Miao climbed onto my knees like a child, hugging and touching and kissing me.I couldn't sit still, after a while I asked her to sit over and sat down on the sofa opposite. I said to her, "Sit down, I have something to tell you." My attitude is serious, but at the same time I am very relaxed, and I feel that I have a chance to win. Miao Miao couldn't help being a little puzzled, she said, "Isn't your retreat over? What else can you say?" I said: "I have something to tell you, you listen carefully..." I told Miao Miao that after a week of serious thinking, I decided to break up with her.Seeing tears flow out of Miao Miao's eyes, Miao Miao's crying appearance is really touching!The tears were shed for me, and I couldn't help feeling both distressed and happy, and continued: "Let's just be friends from now on, that's more appropriate." Miao Miao asked tearfully, "Then what should I do?" I said, "You can go back to Li Bin's place." Miao Miao said: "He won't want me either, I won't go anywhere, just stay alone." I said: "Doesn't he still love you? You still love him too, why aren't you together?" Miao Miao said, "Even if he wants me, I won't go." Miao Miao cried a lot, but I still sat still, neither advised her not to cry, nor brought her a roll of paper to wipe her tears, I just looked at Miao Miao, feeling some indescribably complicated emotions . Miao Miao cried for a while, raised her head, and said to me: "Are you lying to me? You are lying!" At the same time, she smiled. I said, "I'm not lying to you, I'm serious." She started crying again, and said while crying: "Anyway, I'm dependent on you, you are my home here, and I will come to you every day..." As she said that, Miao Miao stood up from the sofa, walked to me and took my hand, tears dripped on my arm, it was cold and hot at the same time. So I changed my face and laughed. I said to Miao Miao: "I'm just joking with you, seeing you cry like this! How could I not want you? It's totally impossible." Miao Miao smiled through tears and said, "You lied!" I said, "I didn't lie to you." Miao Miao said: "Is it cheating me to break up with me, or cheating me not to break up with me? I don't even know." I said: "breaking up with you is lying to you, not breaking up with you is not lying to you." Miao Miao said, "I don't believe it!" So I went into the bedroom and started to print out the notes of the past two days, and said to Miao Miao who came in: "You can see it after reading my notes. I never planned to break up with you. How is it possible? I was Just kidding with you." Miao Miao said: "You are really bad, you scoundrel! You are so bad and hateful!" Later we went to Shiweixian and sat down to have dinner face to face. Miaomiao once put on a face and looked very angry because I lied to her and tossed her so much. She said to me: "You said that if you don't split up, you won't split up? I haven't expressed my opinion yet! Otherwise, we'll just break up." I said, "Whatever you want." Miao Miao stopped talking.Gradually her mood stabilized, and she began to smile. I looked at her eyes that were red from crying, and the love and pity in my heart was beyond words.Naturally, I am very happy and relaxed, because the retreat is over and Miaomiao's love for me has been proved. After a week of thinking and self-adjustment, my heart is much wider than before. I even took the initiative to mention Li Bin and said to Miao Miao: "If we fight, which one will you help? Help me beat him, or help him beat me?" Miao Miao said: "I will not help anyone." After a while she said: "You can't beat Li Bin, he is stronger than you." I said: "If you are strong, you will never have to fight." Later, when I talked about the fact that I slapped Miaomiao, I said, "I was also very angry that day. I have grown up so much, and I have never slapped a woman before." Miao Miao said, "I've grown up so much, and I've never been beaten by a man." Her tone seemed quite happy. I asked, "Hasn't Li Bin hit you?" Miao Miao said, "No." That is to say, Miao Miao has only been beaten by me alone. After knowing this, I can't help being a little proud. Part 2 Miaomiao and I haven't had an orgasm After that, it became "legal" to talk about Li Bin.I think that deliberately not talking about it will make the matter look very serious, so not only talk about it but also talk about it casually, easily, and with a sense of humor. Like everything else, nothing special.After retreating, my state of mind has been adjusted, and talking about Li Bin will not make me feel unhappy.Under my instigation, Miao Miao has no scruples, talking about her ex-boyfriend more and more emotionally. At the beginning, Miao Miao was a little bit taboo, unwilling to talk about it, or talked about it hastily.Although she often mentions Li Bin, she doesn't talk about some things, such as sex. I have asked them about this aspect more than once. I said, "Just talk about it, what does it matter?" Miao Miao said, "What is there to say? Isn't that what it is?" Seeing me chasing after me, she said, "Are you annoying? Are you bored?" The more she refused to say anything, the more I wanted to know, as if something was on hold in my heart. "It's nothing serious, whatever you say, I don't care," I said, trying to maintain a certain lighthearted demeanor. In the end, Miao Miao still didn't say anything, and I thought, she really values ​​this matter, it's too important to be involved.Miao Miao is unwilling to share her secret with Li Bin with me. When I ask this question, I usually have sex with Miao Miao. At that moment, the two should be the most intimate.I was having sex with her, and it was natural to talk about another man having sex with her, and at this point she didn't want to talk about it and never did.When I insisted on asking Miaomiao to talk, she not only refused verbally, but her body also became stiff. If I continued to ask, the sex would not be able to proceed normally, so she let it go every time. When not having sex, and not under my cross-examination, Miao Miao would reveal something about Li Bin's situation.Li Bin is not Miao Miao's first man. Before him, Miao Miao and Zhang Xiangdong (Li Bin's ex-boyfriend) lived together for half a year. Talking about Zhang's situation, Miao Miao was very disdainful. She said: "He doesn't know how to make love, and it's over in a few strokes." Zhang Xiangdong doesn't know how to have sex. This conclusion should come later, that is to say, after Miao Miao and Li Bin got married after they had sex with him.Zhang Xiangdong's sexual ability cannot be compared with that of Li Bin, so I speculate that Li Bin must be very powerful.Miao Miao never speaks directly about Li Bin's sexual ability, but she can still know something through some inferences. Miaomiao and I had sex for the first time, and we did it four times within 24 hours.Miao Miao said: "I have never done so many times in one day!" "Never", that is to say, I have never had a relationship with Li Bin, which shows that I am better than him in terms of frequency.But one question I never asked Miaomiao was whether she had an orgasm—with me?Have you ever had sex with a man other than me? Miao Miao and I have been together for more than two months and have had sex no less than forty times. I have roughly reached a conclusion on the previous question: Miao Miao and I have never had an orgasm.But this is not the most desperate thing. What makes me most desperate is that Miaomiao has the premonition, prelude, and habitual movements and reactions to meet it. She would straighten her separated legs, her toes would be tensed, and she would be as tense as a ballet dancer. At the same time, Miaomiao hugged my neck desperately, begging me, "Put harder, harder..." But before her tension could be released, I was done. Every time it was like this, Miao Miao sighed and said, "If only you persisted a little longer." The lingering and unwillingness she showed afterwards made me feel very guilty. I've tried my best, even surpassed my level, but in the end it's hard to come by a little bit, and it's just a little bit that makes me fall short.From Miaomiao's body reaction and the special movement of straightening her toes, she knows what an orgasm is and has achieved it. If the man who made her climax was not me, who would it be?It's Li Bin, it can only be like this. One day I led Miao Miao to the eastern suburbs, and we came to a small pavilion in front of Liao’s tomb. Miao Miao sat on the concrete railing, supported my shoulders with her hands, and began to twist her waist.At first I thought she was joking and didn't pay much attention to it, but then Miao Miao groaned. There are four or five children in the pavilion, playing with each other, I think they are a little absent-minded, watching us very carefully while playing.Bearing the strength transmitted by Miaomiao, I raised my eyes and looked into the distance. In front of me on the left was the bare and tall tomb of Liao Tomb, surrounded by trees on both sides, and the leaves shone in the sun.I heard Miao Miao gasping in my ear, the children's unnatural noise, suddenly followed by a long whistle, the group of children ran out of the pavilion, and Miao Miao's breathing stopped abruptly.I turned around and saw Miao Miao's cheeks were red, and a stream of sweat was streaming down her temples. On the way back to Xinhua No. 2 Village, Miao Miao said that her bottom hurt a little. I said, "Is it worn on the railing?" Miao Miao punched me with a smile and said, "That's not it!" She was a little embarrassed. We went straight to the bed and I said, "Let me check and see if it's worn out." Miao Miao was wearing a short skirt, and the underwear inside was stretched so tight that it shrunk into a narrow strip. When she straddled the railing and lifted the skirt up around her waist, the narrow strip fell on the rough cement. superior.I took off her skirt and panties, and couldn't wait to enter her body.Miao Miao's skin exuded a pleasant smell that had just been tanned by the sun. Miaomiao was in pain, but she told me not to stop.I was also very excited that day, and almost made Miao Miao orgasm. Although I didn't in the end, I was very close, and it was the closest time.The insurmountable distance shortens a little more—I feel it. On the way to send Miaomiao back to Dongwen, I asked her, "How about my sex?" She said, "Okay, well done." I said: "You give me a score, 60 points pass, did I pass?" Miao Miao said, "Of course you passed, you can get more than 80 points." I said, "Where is the one facing east?" Miao Miao said, "He failed." I asked again: "Where is Li Bin, how many points can he score?" Miao Miao smiled and said, "It's only ninety percent." I stopped talking. After walking in the dark for a while, Miao Miao came over, and she comforted me and said, "Eighty is not bad." I heard myself say dryly, "I'll try." The second part Miao Miao does not want to talk about having sex with Li Bin Miao Miao didn’t want to talk about having sex with Li Bin, but she spoke freely when talking about other things. For example, when we walked across a road, Miao Miao would say, “Li Bin and I used to take walks on this road.” When she went to a restaurant to eat pickled fish, she would say, "Li Bin brought me here to eat." Miao Miao's talk about Li Bin is not too much, but it is distributed in different occasions, bit by bit, which makes me feel that this person is everywhere, and I can't avoid it even if I want to.No matter what we talked about or saw, Miao Miao would always think of Li Bin.Before retreating, she would also think about it, but Miao Miao's performance was silent at that time.I think of the early days when I got along with Miaomiao, it was very common for her to be silent or dazed suddenly, but now I know that she was thinking about Li Bin. After retreating, this kind of silence became less. If I asked, "Did I miss Li Bin again?" Miao Miao immediately told the truth. She used to say, "I don't think about anything." Sometimes Miao Miao will take the initiative to talk about it without me asking.We were talking about something, and when we saw her, we became stunned, our eyes were blurred, and our mind was absent-minded. Before I could ask Miao Miao, we mentioned Li Bin.The matter she said was completely irrelevant to the topic at hand, and even had no connection with it. How did Miao Miao's thoughts fly away?I am very curious.It's over when she's done talking.What exactly is Miao Miao trying to explain?Confess what?In the end I don't know either. My train of thought is often disturbed by Miao Miao's memories, she always opens her mouth and stops abruptly, and when she quickly returns to normal, it's my turn to be dazed.On the surface, I had to pretend to be generous and indifferent, and echoed a few words without humor. One day I talked about Liang Er's qigong practice, saying that we have known each other since we were eight years old and we have been dating for nearly thirty years. Miao Miao suddenly said: "Li Bin and I were just together, and the relationship has not been made public. His friends all said that we have a husband and wife relationship. Hey, how did they find out?" and thought deeply. I was stunned for a long time, and then said: "Maybe you knew each other in the previous life, Liang Er can see the previous life." Miao Miao nodded and recovered, she asked me: "What else can Liang Er see?" Gradually, Miao Miao's talk about Li Bin was no longer limited to fragments. She would immerse herself in the memories of the past for a long time, without looking at me, talking on her own, and shed tears when she talked about emotion.The appearance of Miao Miao crying is especially beautiful, which makes people's heart beat.Every time I send her back to Dongwen, if it is early, I will sit on the stone chair by the side of the road for a while, that is the best time for Miao Miao to recall Li Bin.The campus was vast and very silent. Occasionally, a cyclist would pass by on the road illuminated by street lights. The shadow passed across the road, and Miao Miao's voice became more sad and melancholy. She also talked about the high fever after breaking up with Li Bin, and everything seemed to be separated by a layer of green mist. Miao Miao said, "I feel like I'm already dead." Yue Ziqing forced her to play the piano, but although she was playing, he couldn't hear her at all, so Yue Ziqing scolded her. Miao Miao said to me, "How could I have thought about playing the piano at that time?" Later, the fever subsided, and the green mist in front of her eyes also disappeared, but the world around her was always shrouded in a thin layer of yellow light, and it was not until a long time later that Miaomiao's color spectrum returned to normal.I have never had such a perspective experience, and I feel very scary and heavy when I hear her say that. Miao Miao said: "I have never loved a person like this before, and my love for him is unforgettable." I am speechless. She added: "People say I have an Electra complex, how can that be? I don't have an Electra complex at all." What does this mean?It is nothing more than saying that her love for Li Bin surpasses blood relationship. Miao Miao's parents divorced when she was nine years old. Yue Ziqing single-handedly brought her up. After all these years, Yue Ziqing never remarried and lived with his daughter. Everyone knows his love and hope for Miao Miao.Yue Ziqing is a famous guqin player. He has been teaching at Dongwen Music Department for more than ten years, but he only recruited one class of students, and he only recruited one student, and this student is Miao Miao.Miao Miao once brought me a video for me to watch. It was a special program titled "Jinling Ancient Rhyme" filmed by a TV station, introducing Yue Ziqing and his guqin art, but the main character in the film was Miao Miao, at least the father and daughter Evenly divided.In the picture, Miao Miao is either playing the guqin among the flowers and trees, or discussing piano skills with Yue Ziqing at home.Although Miao Miao is very photogenic and helps to enrich the program, it is Yue Ziqing's intention to appear so frequently.It goes without saying that she is his pride and his hope, but Miao Miao thinks that these are nothing compared to the love between her and Li Bin. Miao Miao said quietly: "I don't have a paternal complex, but my father has a female love complex. He hopes that I will never marry in my life, so he will be happy!" The tone is not without resentment. I think if Yue Ziqing didn't object to Miao Miao and Li Bin's dating, her attitude wouldn't be so extreme. Miao Miao's grandmother lived with them until she passed away two years ago.If Miao Miao's grandma was still alive, would she approve of her granddaughter dating Li Bin?Miao Miao thought it was certain. She said: "My grandma is very open-minded, much more open-minded than my father. She said that she advocates trial marriage for young people today." Maybe Miao Miao's grandma would stand by Miao Miao's side when she was alive. Miao Miao's mother is far away in Xi'an, and has never been to Nanjing since she divorced Yue Ziqing. For many years, the mother and daughter have not seen each other.Later, Miao Miao grew up and was able to travel alone, so under Yue Ziqing's supervision, she went to Xi'an to visit her mother every year.The relationship between Miao Miao and her mother is relatively estranged, and the visit is out of responsibility, and the relationship between them is polite and unremarkable.Miao Miao often said that she was like her mother. It was said that Miao Miao's mother was not mentally normal. Miao Miao said to me: "I am like my mother, I will go crazy when I get old!" I sat with Miao Miao in the dark campus for a long time, listening to her talking about her father, mother and grandma, talking about her emotional entanglements in this world and her kindness and resentment.Miao Miao's discussion inevitably uses Li Bin as the coordinate, and the attitude towards him as the judgment and choice.Miao Miao did not talk about me, the reason is very simple, I am not her father, mother or grandma, let alone Li Bin. She said to me: "Before I met Li Bin, I really didn't know anything about relationships. I never loved anyone, nor hated anyone." When I said this, Miao Miao was next to me, but I felt that I was far away from her, far away in the sky, and hard to touch.I was thinking, when will she talk about me?Will my existence redefine her emotional world?Just like treating Li Bin.Will this day really come? This is at night.During the day, when Miao Miao talked about Li Bin, it was somewhat different. At that time, the sun was shining brightly, and Miao Miao also had a pleasant smile. Once on the overpass of the Drum Tower, she suddenly held me tightly and said to me: "I will never see Li Bin again, nor will I answer his phone calls, and I will not go when he calls me." Is Miao Miao making amends for those night conversations?In any case, I still feel very relieved. I deliberately asked Miao Miao: "Why don't you see him anymore?" She said: "Because I have a boyfriend!" Instead, I became generous and said, "It's okay to be friends with Li Bin, and it's okay to meet each other, but you have to tell me that there is another rule that you are not allowed to love again." Miao Miao said: "I don't love him, I only love you, anyway, I don't want to see him again." The second part I went to Miao Miao's house for the first time Yue Ziqing went out of town again, Miao Miao called me and asked me to go to her house.So I went to Miao Miao's house for the first time after the Qin meeting. At this time, our relationship is not what it used to be. Although Yue Ziqing was not at home, I was still very nervous, and Miao Miao surrounded me, showing me the album for a while, and recommending her favorite music to me.She led me into her room.Miao Miao's room is very small, only about seven or eight square meters. Inside there are desks, wardrobes, a qin table, and a guqin on the qin table.Miao Miao told me that this Qin is from the Ming Dynasty, and the Qin in her father’s room is from the Song Dynasty. She said that these two Qins are the only ones in their family that are worth anything.Miao Miao usually uses this Ming Dynasty piano when practicing the piano.Facing the two qins of Miao Miao's family, I couldn't help being in awe, because they are real antiques, and besides, I have never known anything about such profound things as Guqin. I found that there was no bed in Miaomiao's room.Miao Miao told me that she spread the quilt on the floor when she went to sleep at night, and put the quilt into the closet after getting up during the day, because the room was too small. I said, "You're sleeping on the floor!" Miao Miao didn't take it seriously, saying that she had slept like this since they moved into this house, and she was used to it. Since the floor is Miaomiao's bed, it is wiped clean, and you have to change your shoes when you enter the door.Although the floor was clean, the room was very messy. In addition to the desk and other furniture, there were two chairs with Miao Miao's dirty clothes on the back of the chair.The table tops and window sills are full of sundries, most of which are fancy knick-knacks, vases, clay pots, picture frames, peacock feathers, candlesticks and so on.Several necklaces made of linden seeds and other materials hang from the handle of the wardrobe, and the whole room has an antique atmosphere.Things were different on the floor, with two small speakers, a cassette player with wires attached, cassettes, sockets, wires, magazines, and workbooks everywhere.Miao Miao swept these things to the wall with her bare feet. She opened the closet, took out a set of bedding and spread it in the vacant space, then drew the curtains and let me undress.Miao Miao also took off her clothes, and we got into the cold quilt and started having sex.Until then I was still nervous, thinking that Li Bin must have done this with her too.The more orderly Miao Miao was, the more I felt that I was right.There was only a thin strip of cotton batting on the floor, and every movement we made made a thumping sound. Miao Miao said, "Take it easy, there are people downstairs." I said, "They didn't go to work in broad daylight?" Miao Miao said, "Downstairs is Dongwen's teacher, who doesn't sit in class." Hearing what she said, I became more and more cautious.Finally finished, Miao Miao asked me to go to the bathroom to take a shower, and she also went to take a shower after I finished.I lay on the floor and listened to the movement outside. After a while, the sound of water stopped, and Miao Miao came out with a patter. She walked barefoot through the living room and into the room, carrying a lot of water along the way. Since entering Miao Miao's house, I have been completely under Miao Miao's control. She showed me two guqins and led me to her room. She spread the quilt on the floor and told me to take off my clothes. I'm going to rinse it off.I obeyed her orders obediently, behaved very obediently, and even seldom spoke.I didn't relax until after the shower and we lay down under the covers again.Miao Miao is very active, and she talks a lot more than usual. This is her home after all, so it's normal to be relaxed and do whatever she wants.Now she lifted up a corner of the quilt, got out with her bare upper body, and reached for the radio and tapes on the floor with her hands. Miao Miao said, "I'll play a tape for you, it's my favorite." She inserted a tape, pressed a button, and immediately a woman's weeping voice rang out in the room. "This is "You Are in My Heart", isn't it nice?" Miao Miao asked me. I said: "It sounds good." I couldn't help shivering. After the song ended, Miao Miao was busy rewinding the tape, and said to me, "There is something even better. The next song is "Snow in the Lotus." While we were listening to the song, Miao Miao introduced to me that the singing woman was called Faye Wong, and she also had another name called Wang Jingwen.Miao Miao said that she likes Faye Wong very much and listens to this tape every day.The singing voice flowed out, like a color smeared on the surrounding objects, which made me feel that the newly familiar environment became strange again. Faye Wong's song is really nice, with infinite sadness and despair.I was thinking, Miao Miao must have listened to it a lot when they were together, and her habit of listening to Faye Wong every day was formed after they broke up, right?This woman sang Miao Miao's heartfelt voice, and Miao Miao's infinite affection for Li Bin was clearly revealed through Faye Wong's singing.I felt very sad. On the one hand, I experienced Miaomiao's pain with empathy, and on the other hand, I felt sorry for my humbleness. After listening to the song, Miao Miao took out the tape from the radio, put it in a cassette and handed it to me. She said, "Take it and listen." I said, "Aren't you gone?" Miao Miao said: "I still have one more, and I'll put this one with you. We'll listen to it together when I pass by." There is a small bottle on Miao Miao's desk, and there are a few red granules in it, the shape is not very regular, obviously it is not medicine, I think it is a few acacia beans.I really want to ask if it was given by Li Bin?But in the end, I didn't ask, because I lacked courage.Thinking of how stupid I was trying to talk about Li Bin and about him and Miao Miao in an easy way.Here and now, I have only one thought, and that is never to mention this person again. I didn't leave until Miao Miao fell asleep at night.I carefully moved my body out of the quilt, sat on the floor and fumbled for clothes to put on, and I helped Miao Miao tuck the quilt after I got dressed.At this time the moon came out, and the moonlight shone on Miao Miao's round face through the window. Her lips were slightly parted, and her eyelids were drooping. I looked at her lovingly, then stood up and left quietly.Before I left, I didn't forget to take Faye Wong's tape with me. The second part of Miao Miao's cooking skills is very general Yue Ziqing left for a week, during which Miao Miao and I basically had activities at Miao Miao's house, every night I waited for Miao Miao to fall asleep before leaving.Before falling asleep, she acted very attached to me.苗苗蜷起身体，钻进我的怀里，她让我抱着她睡。 苗苗说：“要是你能不走多好啊，要是你能一直抱着我到天亮多好啊。” 我告诉她，以后有的是机会，但现在我得回家，因为我妈心脏不好，夜里不能没有人。 我说： “要不然你跟我回家去睡吧。” 苗苗说她已经睡下了，懒得动，但要求我在她睡着以前不要离开。于是我就抱着苗苗，直到她打起了呼噜，这才蹑手蹑脚地离开了。 经过几天的适应，我对苗苗家已经比较熟悉了，不再像刚开始时那么紧张。白天苗苗去上课，要不在家里收拾房间，有时候她趴在地板上做作业，我则带了一本小说，苗苗有事的时候我就看书。我们还一块儿去了一次菜场，买了不少菜，苗苗做了一顿饭，说实话，她的手艺很一般。 但苗苗说：“我从来没有给别的男人做过饭，除了我爸爸。” 听后我大为感动。这时我已经下决心不提李彬了，所以没有问苗苗：“你给李彬做过饭吗？”但显然李彬也被包括在“别的男人”中了。 苗苗仍然每天听王菲。渐渐的，我觉得王菲的歌声中也包括了我和苗苗的感情生活。我在想，多年以后若有机会再听王菲，我和苗苗相处的日子就会浮现出来。对歌曲的记忆包含了人们经历过的岁月以及情感爱恋，难道不是这样吗？ 在新华二村时，苗苗就曾抱怨过：“你这儿少的就是音乐！” 是啊，时光流逝，如果没有音乐相伴，回忆起来未免苍白空洞。现在，我把王菲的音乐用于我和苗苗相爱的记忆，就像苗苗把它用于和李彬相爱的记忆一样，难道这不是一个好办法吗？ 一天我上街给苗苗买了一块可折叠的羊毛床垫，这样我们做爱时垫的就不再是轻薄的棉絮了。她的房间里开始留下我的痕迹，我带去的书、我买的床垫。但每次做完爱，我都会像在深圳时一样，将避孕套打一个结，和用过的卫生纸一起带出门去。我没有把这些东西扔进苗苗家的垃圾筒，以免岳子清回家时发现。 做完爱，苗苗照例会去卫生间里冲洗，她也让我去冲洗，我们经常一起洗澡，然后湿淋淋地回来，把水迹弄得到处都是。对苗苗的生活习惯我有了一些了解，这不无重要。比如苗苗很喜欢拖地板，拖把每次都在马桶里洗。开始时我很不习惯，那马桶是供排泄之用的，多么脏啊，后来也就理解了，在洗拖把的同时马桶也得到了清洁，不失为一个一举两得的好办法。况且马桶由于经常洗涮非常的干净，在里面洗出来的拖把自然也非常干净。 在苗苗家的最后一天是中秋节，岳子清本来是要赶回来和苗苗团圆的，但被一个朋友拖住，第二天才能到南京，于是我便有了一个和苗苗一起过节的机会。我们去我家里吃了晚饭——和我妈团圆，饭后我们就回了东文。我妈给我们带了一大堆吃的东西，包括月饼、咸鸭蛋什么的。 我和苗苗来到阳台上，在两张小凳子上分别坐下，中间放了一把椅子，上面放着茶杯、烟缸和切好了的月饼。身后房间里的灯熄灭了，但客厅里的灯是亮着的，隔壁苗苗的房间里正在播放磁带，仍然是王菲的歌。 苗苗家位于四楼，阳台的前方是一座低矮的二层小楼，再前面就是东文的篮球场了。当我们目光平视，便看见了空旷亮白的夜空，一轮明月高悬天际，那么的孤单突兀，它既大又圆，都有点儿过分了。阳台栏杆在阳台上投下清丽的影子。我觉得有点冷，就去房间里取了一条线毯，披在肩上。苗苗不由地靠过来，我掀起毯子的一角，抱着她的肩膀，把她也裹在毯子里了。我们就这么坐着，默然无语。 过了好一会儿，我问苗苗：“还冷吗？” 她说：“不冷了。” 又过了一会儿，苗苗说：“我会记住今天这个晚上的。” 后来她又谈起了李彬，说他是个好人，很孝敬自己的父母，尤其是对他妈妈，苗苗说李彬很崇拜他妈。 她说：“你们都是好人。” 我不知道她为何说起这些，想必是这月光朗照情绪波动所致。去年的中秋夜苗苗大概是和李彬一家人一起过的吧？我没有问苗苗，我什么都没有说。 第二部分你怎么这么不要脸啊 岳子清回南京后，我和苗苗恢复了以前的相处方式，我仍然不敢在岳子清在家的时候去苗苗家，我们的活动场所主要还是在新华二村。每天晚上我送苗苗回家，一直送到她家楼下，然后走出东文打车回家。有时候苗苗也跟我回家过夜，第二天骑车直接去学校上课，岳子清对此睁一只眼闭一只眼，我妈就更无所谓了。 我和苗苗几乎每天见面，关系越发紧密，一方面争吵也日益增多。争吵不再是因为李彬，至少表面上不是。苗苗仍然经常回忆，并且会黯然落泪，她提起李彬时我只是听着，但不发一言。我们争吵是因为一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事。以前，也常为这些小事争吵，但从来没有达到现在这样不可收拾的程度，我们互相指责对方不可理喻、愚不可及。苗苗虽然也很顽固，但远没有我那么暴躁，我会控制不住地大吼大叫，甚至口吐污言秽语。 我说：“你他妈的怎么就这么蠢呢？简直就是个白痴！这么简单的问题还要和我争，争个屌啊！” 开始时，苗苗见我如此暴怒，就不作声了，但她会哭，两行眼泪禁不住夺眶而出。她一哭我就更是怒不可遏，心想，肯定又是在想李彬了，苗苗准是在想，如果换了李彬肯定不会这样对待她。于是我就非骂不可了。 我说：“你他妈的哭个屁啊！他妈的有什么好哭的！” 不吵架的时候，苗苗会拐着弯地告诉我，李彬从来不骂她，总是让着她。他们在一起的时候从来没有吵过架，总是很安静地在一起说话、看书。听她这么说我不免如鲠在喉，胸中早已是怒火万丈，但我什么都没有说。我已经决定不提李彬，因此不便就此事发言。 冷静下来的时候，我也为自己的表现感到惊讶，苗苗以前，我从来没有这么凶狠地骂过一个女人，对以前的女朋友即使稍重一点的话都没有说过。但面对苗苗就不一样了，我就是想骂她。苗苗的反应也助长了我的这种情绪，不是因为她老提李彬，而是在我的痛骂下她的那种顽固不屈，以及默默流泪的样子。 苗苗曾不无兴奋地说：“我长这么大，从来没有被男人打过！”似乎为我打了她一巴掌而感到高兴。我还想起，当我把啤酒瓶蹾在桌上时她那惊骇的表情，伸过一只手来安抚我。所有的这些都助长了我的狂暴，一瞬间我就像疯掉了，恨不得将眼前的这个女人抱住、掐死。每次发作后我又后悔不迭，觉得伤害了苗苗，我向她赔礼道歉，请求原谅，表现得格外温柔体贴。我告诉苗苗，我之所以失控是因为爱她，因为爱她不知道该怎么办了。苗苗冷冷地看着我，表情始终高高在上，不免让我自惭形秽。我觉得这个女人把我性格中的恶劣的东西都引诱出来了。 争吵的原因不值一提，比如我们会为一棵树是不是冬青树而争吵，从深圳一直吵到了南京。 在深圳的时候一次去逛世界之窗，我看见空地上长着几棵冬青树，于是对苗苗说：“看，冬青树。” 苗苗说：“那不是冬青树，怎么会是冬青树呢？” 这些冬青树没有经过修剪，长得很高大，不免枝繁叶茂，因此苗苗就认不出来了。她见过的冬青都修剪得很整齐，矮墩墩的，看不见枝干，南京的马路边上就有很多。 苗苗说：“冬青树我还不认识吗？东文校园里就有！” 我说：“没有修剪过的你就不认识了，这就是冬青树啊！” 后来不知道是谁旧话重提，两个人又为冬青树吵得不可开交。 还有一次，说起钟表，我说秒针滴答一下就是一秒，苗苗则认为一秒就是一秒，滴答一下是滴答一下并非一秒，那是两回事。为此我们又大吵一架，彼此不惜恶语相加。 还有一次苗苗说起，将来她要办一所古琴学校。 听后我大为赞赏，说：“古琴学校好，这个名字好，学校就叫这个名字，就叫古琴学校。” 苗苗说：“应该叫琴校，在古代，琴就是指古琴，也就是琴棋书画里的琴。” I don't know yet?我对她说：“你误会了我的意思，我是说学校的名字，古琴学校很牛屄，叫琴校就有点小气了。” 苗苗不听我的解释，认定我就是不知道琴是古琴。她明确地表示，古琴是她的专业，我在这方面是外行，根本没有资格和她争论，甚至，关于古琴的那点常识还是她告诉我的呢。说到自己的专业，苗苗不免底气十足。 她说：“很多人都把古筝当成古琴，古琴和古筝根本就不是一回事！” 我说：“我知道不是一回事，你对我说这个干什么？” 苗苗说：“你就像社会上的那些人一样，不懂装懂，把古琴当古筝，真是笑话！” 我愤怒不已，争吵于是升级，最后达到不可收拾的地步。 开始的时候，每当我口吐污言秽语苗苗就不说话了，她会委屈地流眼泪。 后来，这一招也不管用了，她会说：“你骂谁啊？再骂我就走了。” 我说：“操你妈的，我骂你怎么啦！” 苗苗说：“你再说一遍试试。”然后目光炯炯地看着我。 我说：“再说一遍又怎么样啊！”但心里未免发虚，最后也没有再说一遍。 一次，为买电脑的事我们又吵了起来。 我曾给了苗苗三千块钱，她用“徐苗”的名字存起来了，我建议苗苗用这笔钱给自己买一台电脑，她总是说：“等等再说吧。” 苗苗的意思是要买就买一台好的，一步到位，还说要用电脑谱曲、作画什么的。我的意思是电脑淘汰得很快，一步到位不太现实，用手头这点钱买一台练练打字已经足够了。就为这件事，我们吵得一塌糊涂。 那天苗苗是准备去我家过夜的，我们推着自行车从东文一路走回来，在巷口，争吵达到了白热化的程度，两个人站了下来，不再往前走了。我心里想，到家之前这件事非得有个了断，总不至于吵到家里去吧（我妈有心脏病）？由于时间紧迫，吵得比以往更加激烈。 我又开始破口大骂：“你他妈的怎么就这么蠢呢！” 苗苗说：“你嘴巴放干净一点！” 我说：“我骂你怎么啦？操你妈的！” 苗苗说：“你敢再说一遍！” 我说：“操你妈的！” 苗苗立马掉转自行车，骑上就走，我不免慌了手脚，一把抓住自行车后面的背包架死活都不肯放手。 苗苗一面哭一面和我争夺自行车，她声嘶力竭地叫道：“你这个人怎么这么不要脸啊——！” 我已经不作声了，只顾拼命抓住自行车，不想让苗苗离我而去。后来苗苗扔了车，一个人向巷口奔去，我推着自行车跟在后面，就这样我们又回到了东文。一路上我都在向苗苗道歉、赔不是，劝她跟我回去，苗苗一言不发，走得飞快。最终她也没有跟我回去。