Chapter 8 7
Jing Qiu explained: "Everyone on the other side of the river knows me, but after crossing this river, no one knows me."
He smiled knowingly, followed her and continued to walk forward, asking, "Where are we going? Don't go too far, and watch out for your mother to find you."
Jingqiu said: "I know there is a pavilion by the river ahead, and there are benches in the pavilion where you can sit. Didn't you say you have something to say? Let's go there and talk."
When the two arrived at the pavilion, there was no one there, probably because it was too cold, and no one would come out to drink from the southeast and northwest wind.The pavilion is just a few pillars carrying a roof, and the wind is blowing on all sides. Jingqiu found a seat next to the pillars to sit, hoping that the pillars can somewhat block the wind.The third child sat down on the stool on the other side of the pillar, and asked, "Have you eaten yet? I haven't had dinner yet."
Jingqiu became anxious and advised him: "Then go to the restaurant over there and have something to eat, I'll sit here and wait for you."
He won't go.Afraid that he would be hungry, she persuaded him again, and he said, "Let's go together. You said that no one here knows you, so just accompany me to eat. If you don't go, I won't go either."
Jingqiu had no choice but to go with him.They found a secluded restaurant, a "small noodle restaurant", that is, the kind that only sells pasta instead of rice.The third child asked her what she wanted to eat, but she insisted that she would not eat anything, and ran away if you asked me again.The third child was too frightened to ask, and told her to sit and wait at the table, while he went to line up by himself.
Jingqiu can't remember how long she hasn't been to a restaurant.When she was very young, she went to restaurants with her parents, mostly for breakfast, nothing more than steamed buns, fried dough sticks, soy milk pancakes and the like.But these were also brought out and criticized during the Cultural Revolution, saying that their family had a bourgeois way of life.
Dad was caught out at the beginning of the Cultural Revolution, his salary was cut, and he was driven back to the countryside, so she probably hasn't been to a restaurant for seven or eight years.I usually eat leftovers for breakfast at home, or buy steamed buns in the school cafeteria.Later, because of the lack of food, I always bought that kind of steamed buns with tail noodles.The tail noodles are the scraps left over when the flour is milled in the flour mill. It is black and thick, and it is very rough and unpalatable. But because they don’t need food stamps, Jingqiu’s family mostly eats that for breakfast.
The third child bought a lot of things and brought them to the table several times.He handed her a pair of chopsticks and said, "You---you can eat whatever you want, otherwise I won't eat."
He persuaded him several times, but she didn't move the chopsticks, and neither did he, so she had to pick up the chopsticks and eat something.It just so happened that what the third child bought was her favorite food when she was a child, as if he had gone into her heart to see it.He bought "big oil pancakes", which were fried to a yellowish color like oil pancakes on the outside, but inside were glutinous rice hearts, added green onions, and had a tangy aroma.He bought a few meat buns, which were steamed in vain and still steaming, making people very appetizing.He also bought two bowls of noodles. The soup was topped with green onion and sesame oil, which smelled delicious.She also ate a little, but she was embarrassed to eat too much.
I don't know why, every time Jingqiu eats the food bought by the third child, she feels very uneasy, as if she is a selfish person, eating and drinking outside behind her family's back.She thought that if she also had a lot of money, she could bring the whole family to a restaurant, spend the money lavishly, and order whatever she wanted, that would be great.
But she doesn't have the money, and now the family is not only short of money, but also short of food.In order to fill her stomach, her mother asked someone to get a ticket to buy broken rice, which is rice as small as a grain of sand. It is broken rice from a rice mill. It used to be sold to farmers to feed pigs. Now I don't know how to take it out and sell it to people to eat. One catty of food stamps can buy four catties, and those who are short of food can buy broken rice to eat.
Broken rice is hard to eat, and the mouthful runs away as soon as it is chewed.The worst thing is that the broken rice is very unclean, mixed with a lot of gravel and grains. It takes half an hour or an hour to wash the rice every time, because the broken rice needs to be soaked in a washbasin and then washed with a small washbasin. Bowl, scoop a little rice at a time, mix with water, swing slowly, swing slowly, first swing off the grains floating on the water, then swing the rice into another washbasin, scoop a bowl of water, swing many times , can only shake out a little rice, then scoop up water, and then shake until there are only stones left in the bowl, then pour it out.
Jingqiu always washes the rice by herself, because her mother is very busy and her younger sister is too young to wash the rice cleanly. If she eats those stones and corn heads and falls into the cecum, she will get appendicitis.And in the winter, my sister's hands couldn't bear it if I soaked my hands in the biting cold water for half an hour and an hour.She misses those days in Xicunping very much. There is no need to pay food stamps for meals. No matter whether there is food or not, the food can always be eaten open.
After eating almost, the third child hesitated for a moment, and said cautiously: "I have something to say, don't be angry, okay?" Seeing her nodding, he took out some food coupons from his pocket, "I--some I don’t need the extra food stamps, but if you don’t like it, just use them.”
Jingqiu shied away and said, "You don't need it yourself, send it back to your family for use---"
"This is a food stamp from province L. My family is in province A, so it's useless to send it back. You --- take it, if you don't need it, just give it to anyone--"
"How do you have so many food stamps left?"
"Our team buys food directly from Xicunping, and doesn't use food stamps at all----"
When she heard what he said, she accepted it and said, "Then—thank you." She saw his sincere gratitude on his face, as if she had just given him a lot of food coupons.
After dinner, Jingqiu and the third child went to the pavilion one by one.She thought, after taking other people's hands and eating their mouths, and today taking his and eating his again, isn't everyone soft?
21
The two of them went back to the pavilion and sat down. They might have eaten something just now, and they didn't seem to feel cold anymore.The third child asked, "Do you still remember this day last year?"
Her heart moved, he really came here for this.But she remembered it even if she didn't say it, she just said lightly: "Did you say something to me? If you have something to say, tell me quickly, the ferry will be closed after a while."
He seemed to have figured out everything, and said, "It's ten o'clock, and it's only eight o'clock now." He looked at her for a while, and asked in a low voice, "Did you hear someone say it—my ex-girlfriend about?"
She corrected and said, "It's your fiancée." This word is too formal, but in the local colloquial language, there is no corresponding dialect for "fiancée".If "object" or "girlfriend" is used instead, I feel that it is not ready and cannot reflect the seriousness of the problem.
He smiled: "Okay, fiancée, but that's all in the past ---, we --- are not together a long time ago."
"Nonsense, you told your sister-in-law yourself, you have a fiancee, and you gave her the photo---"
"I told her that we were together because she wanted to introduce Duanfen to me. They all treated me so well, how could I just say no?" He stated, "But We broke up two years ago, and she is married. If you don't believe me, I can show you her letter."
"Why do I read her letter? You don't know how to make up a letter?" She said, but stretched out her hand, asking him for a letter.
He took out a letter and gave it to her, and she ran to read it under the street lamp.The street lights were very dim, but she could still tell that it was a breakup letter, saying that the third child deliberately avoided her and wandered outside. She had waited too long, her heart was dead, and she didn't want to wait any longer, etc.The letter was well written, much better than the letters Jingqiu had seen. It didn't rely on Chairman Mao's poems or quotations to support the stage. It could be seen that it was literate, and it was a culture before the Cultural Revolution.
Jingqiu looked at the inscription and called it "Zoya". She blurted out and asked, "Isn't Zoya a Soviet heroine?"
“People were coming up with those names back then,” he explained. “She was a few years older than me, and she was born in the Soviet Union.”
When Jingqiu heard that Zoya was born in the Soviet Union, she admired her so much, and immediately connected her with the girl who couldn't make up her mind who to love and ran to ask Hawthorn.She asked with low self-esteem: "Is she --- so beautiful? Both Duanfang and sister-in-law say she is beautiful."
He smiled: "Whether she is beautiful or not depends on whose eyes it is in. In my eyes, she----is not as beautiful as you----"
Jingqiu felt goosebumps popping up, could she say such words?He ruined his image in one fell swoop, and turned from a "wet pants" boy back to a "dandy" boy.Just imagine, would a decent person call someone beautiful in front of others?And does he qualify as liberal?Don't talk to your face, talk nonsense behind your back, don't talk in meetings, talk nonsense after meetings, isn't this the liberal tendency that Chairman Mao criticized?
Jing Qiu knew that she was not pretty, so she knew that he was lying, and he must be coaxing her.The question is what is his purpose in coaxing her like this?It may turn around and return to the issue of "possession".She looked around, and there was no one within a few hundred meters.I was still happy about this place just now, but now I am a little afraid that I will throw myself into a trap.She was determined to be more vigilant, and she would not be soft-handed if she took his, nor soft-mouthed after eating his.
She returned the letter to him and slapped him: "Show me her letter to show that you can't keep secrets for others. Who would dare to write to you?"
He smiled wryly: "I can't do anything about it. Generally speaking, I can still keep secrets for others, but---if I don't show it to you, you won't believe me. What do you want me to do?" Method?"
I don't know why, he said this, which made her very comfortable, as if he was praising her power.She beat him further: "I said a long time ago, a person like you, who can contradict her, can treat others---"
He was in a hurry: "How can we look at things this way? Chairman Mao also said that you can't beat people to death with a stick. I told her that it was the parents' meaning, not my own—"
"Now is the new society, where are there any marriages arranged by parents?"
"I'm not saying that our parents arrange it, and we don't have a marriage. It's just that the parents on both sides have to facilitate this matter. You may not believe it. Among the so-called cadres' children, many of them happen to be parents. Even if the parents don't have the final say, It is also the parents who pay attention to letting their children have more contact with certain people and only contact with certain people from an early age, so in the end, it is more or less a bit--parental factors--"
"You like being arranged like this?"
"Of course I don't."
"Then why did you agree?"
He was silent for a while: "The situation at that time was quite special, and it was related to my father's political future—even his life. I can't explain it clearly in a few words, but please believe that this matter has passed long ago—— Me and her are really just - you could say - a political marriage. So I've been on the expedition and rarely go back--"
Jing Qiu shook her head: "You are so ruthless, you can either talk to her or marry her, how can you be like this - dragging her down?"
"I want to talk it over, but—she refuses, and the parents on both sides don't—agree," he said with his head down, "anyway, this has already been done, so you can say whatever you want." How to put it, but you have to believe me——, I——are sincere to you, and I won’t——turn back on you—”
She felt that what he said was not at all like the language of the characters in the novels he lent her, but rather like what a person like Chang Lin would say. She was a little disappointed, why wasn't it like the one in the book?Although those books are poisonous weeds and should be criticized, they still feel good to read.She thought she must have been poisoned by those books, and she always felt that love should be like that.
She asked: "This is what you want to tell me today? Well, you said it, can I go back?"
He looked up at her, as if stunned by her cold expression, and said for a long time: "You---you still don't believe me?"
"What do I believe in you? I knew that people who backtracked couldn't be trusted----"
He sighed: "Now I know why the book always writes 'I just want to show my heart'. I used to think it was vulgar and exaggerated to write like this, but now I know this is---the real feeling. I don’t know why Only then can I make you believe that I really want to take my heart out---"
"No one believed me when I took my heart out. Chairman Mao said not to beat people to death with a stick. Okay, I won't beat people to death, but Chairman Mao seems to have said that you can see a person's present from his past; A person's present can see his future----"
He seemed to be dumbfounded by Chairman Mao's words, and he probably blamed Chairman Mao for speaking so irresponsibly and contradicting himself.She looked at him, a little smug, and thought to herself, who told you to hit me with Chairman Mao's big stick?Chairman Mao has a lot of big sticks, and he can find one to deal with any situation.
He looked at her, speechless, and finally called out in a low voice after a long time: "Jing Qiu, Jing Qiu, you may not have loved before, so you don't believe that there is eternal love in this world. When you fall in love with someone, You just know that there is such a person in the world, you would rather die than go against her word—"
She trembled when he called "Jing Qiu" twice, and her whole body trembled.She didn't know why he called her "Jingqiu" instead of "Xiaoqiu" or something else, and she didn't know why he called her twice, but his tone of voice and his expression made her feel a little shivering. Trembling, I feel like he is a person who has been wrongly sentenced to death, waiting for Master Qingtian to save his life.
For some reason, she felt that she believed in him, that he was not a person who kept his promises.She couldn't speak, but the trembling became more and more severe, and she couldn't stop her trembling even after taking a few deep breaths.
He took off his military overcoat, put it on her, and said, "Are you cold? Then let's go back, so we don't freeze you."
She refused to leave, and hid under his military overcoat and continued to tremble. After a while, she said tremblingly, "Are you---cold too? You---you put on your overcoat--- Alright—”
"I'm not cold." He was wearing a shirt and a woolen vest, sitting two or three feet away from her, watching her shivering under the military coat in her cotton padded coat.
She trembled again, and said in a low voice: "If you----if it's cold-----, you also---hide under the---coat---come on.
He hesitated, as if trying to figure out if she was testing him, he looked at her for a long time, then moved to her side, lifted one side of the coat to cover half of his body.The two of them wore the military overcoat like a raincoat, which was like wearing nothing at all.
"Are you—still cold?" he asked.
"Uh--um--it's not cold----, it's better for you to----wear a big--clothes, I--it doesn't--use-- --"
He tentatively held her hand, but she didn't object, so he increased his strength and continued to hold it, as if he wanted to pinch her trembling away.After holding her for a while, he saw that she was still shaking, so he said, "Let me figure out a way--I just try it, and if you don't like it, tell me right away--" He stood up and took off his military coat Put it on, stand in front of her, and open the skirts on both sides with both hands, wrapping her tightly inside.
She sat there with her head only as high as his belly, and she thought that now he must look like he had hair, his belly had grown bigger.She couldn't help laughing, and she didn't tremble so much anymore.He lowered his head and looked at her through the seam of his coat: "Are you laughing at me like a pregnant woman?"
She was guessed by him, and he used the word "pregnant woman" again, so she laughed even harder.He pulled her up, pulled the front of the coat with both hands, wrapped her tightly, and said, "It's not like a pregnant woman now—" But he quickly shook himself, and said, "You—— -You passed the --- jitter to me--"
She leaned against his chest and smelled the breath that made her dizzy again.For some reason, she seemed to want him to hug her hard, as if there was some gas in her body, which swelled her body to the point of bubbles, and he needed to squeeze her hard to get the gas out, otherwise it would be very difficult. uncomfortable.She was embarrassed to tell him this, and she didn't dare put her arms around his waist. She just put her hands on her sides, stood at attention, and squeezed a little towards his chest.
He asked: "Still---still---cold?" So she hugged her tighter, and she felt much more comfortable, so she closed her eyes and hid in the coat on his chest, really wanting to fall asleep like this, forever don't wake up.
He trembled for a while, then called out in a low voice: "Jing Qiu, Jing Qiu, I thought --- I couldn't do this again ---, I thought you ---frightened --- that time. I -- now my hands are not empty, you pinch me, let me see if I'm dreaming --"
She raised her face and asked, "Where is the twist?"
He smiled: "Twist anywhere, but you don't have to twist it now, it must not be a dream, because in my dream, you didn't talk like this--"
"How did I talk in your dream?" she asked curiously.
"In my dream, you ----- always avoid me, tell me not to follow you, tell me to --- take your hands away, and say you don't like me touching you ---. You --- Have you ever dreamed about me?"
Jingqiu thought for a while and said, "I dreamed about it too---" She told him the dream in which he exposed her.
He seemed hurt: "Why would you have such a dream? I sure wouldn't do that to you---, I'm not that kind of person---I know you're worried and scared, but I---no It will bring you trouble ----. I just want to protect you, take care of you, make you happy, I only do what you want me to do. But you make me unable to figure it out, so you have to tell me, you Anything I want to do. Otherwise I might do something you don't like, and I don't know it yet. If you tell me, I'll do anything, I can do anything—"
She really liked hearing him say that, but she warned herself again: Do you believe this kind of thing?He lied to you, who wouldn't say such a thing?She made things difficult for him: "I want you not to come to me until I graduate, can you do that?"
"It can be done."
When it comes to graduation, Jingqiu inevitably thinks about the prospects after graduation, and said worriedly: "I finished high school, and I will go to the countryside. If I go down, I won't be able to recruit back---"
"I'm sure you'll get it back—" he explained just after finishing the sentence, "I'm not saying I won't love you if you can't get it back, I'm just confident that you'll get it back Yes. It doesn’t matter if you don’t come back, I can go to the place where you went to the countryside—”
This is really not a problem for Jingqiu, because in her opinion, two people who love each other don't need to be together.The key is that when two people love each other, it doesn't matter how far they are from each other. Maybe the farther they are, the more it can prove that they really love each other.
"I don't want you to go to the place where I go to the countryside, I want you to wait for me."
"Ok, I will wait for you."
She pushes forward again: "I --- I won't --- talk about friends until I'm twenty-five years old, can you wait?"
"I can wait, as long as you let me wait, as long as I won't make you unhappy by waiting, I can wait for the rest of my life---"
She chuckled: "Waiting for a lifetime? When it's over, people will also enter the coffin---then why do you have to wait so long?"
"Just to make you believe that I will wait for you forever, to make you believe that there is eternal love in this world---" he whispered again, "Jingqiu, Jingqiu, in fact, you can love a person forever Man, you just don't believe that other people love you like that, you think you're worthless, but you're -- you're smart, you're pretty, you're kind, you're -- very -- I'm sure I'm not the first ----The person who falls in love with you is not the last one, but I believe that I am the one who loves you the most----"
Jingqiu is like a teetotaler who suddenly learns to drink. When she drank the first sip, she was not used to it. She choked to tears and felt that the taste was hot and spicy, burning her throat. She didn’t understand how those alcoholics could drink so much. So much relish.But after drinking it a few times, you will get used to the spicy taste.Slowly, the taste came out.It may be further down, and it will be addictive.
What the third child said that made her skin crawl just now became soft and sweet.She raised her face and looked at him obsessively, listening to him talk about how he felt when he saw her for the first time, how he lost his mind when he couldn't see her, how he sat on a scaffold near the school and watched her practice ball He said that he walked dozens of miles to his sister-in-law's natal house to get walnuts, and that he "bribed" the little boy who came to fetch water from the water pipe with fifty cents to tell her to come out.She seems to be addicted to listening, and the more she listens, the more she wants to listen.After he finished speaking, she asked, "What else? Tell me another one."
He just smiled, like he told a story on the mountain, and said: "Okay, let's tell one more." So he told another paragraph.After talking for a while, he suddenly asked: "What about you? Tell me something and I'll listen to you."
She immediately avoided talking about it.For some reason, she still felt that she couldn't let him know that she liked him, as if she would "stumble" if she told him.It wouldn't be surprising if he liked her because she liked him too.Only when he doesn't know whether she likes him or not, he still likes her, that kind of liking is really liking her.
She said reservedly: "I don't have as much free time as you? I have to go to class and play ball---"
He lowered his head and looked at her intently. She panicked, thinking that he must have seen that she was lying.She turned her face away to avoid meeting his eyes.She heard him whisper: "It's not a shame to miss someone and love someone. Don't be ashamed of loving someone. Sooner or later, everyone will-everyone who loves someone will lose lovesickness." sickness---"
There was a convincing power in his voice, and she felt like she was about to admit something to him.But she suddenly remembered a plot in <<Journey to the West>>, Sun Wukong competes with a monster, and that monster has a small bottle, if the monster calls your name and you agree, you will be sucked into that small bottle and turn into water .For some reason, she felt that the third child was holding such a small bottle in his hand. As long as she said that she liked him, she would be sucked into his small bottle and could never come out again.
She said stiffly: "I don't think --- is a scandal, but I'm --- young and still studying, I don't think about these things--"
"Sometimes I don't have to think about it myself, but --- in my heart --- inevitably --- think. I don't want to disturb your study, and I don't want to sleep well every day, but ---, It seems like I can't control it--" He looked at her for a while, and made up his mind, "You can study at ease, I will come to you after you graduate, okay?"
She suddenly felt that graduation is such a long time, there are still several months, does it mean that she won't see him for these few months?She wanted to declare that she didn't mean it that way, and wanted to tell him, "As long as you don't get caught, you can still come and see me."But she felt that the way he looked at her seemed to have already figured out what she was thinking, and he deliberately said this to make her anxious, as if to let her expose herself.
She pretended not to care and said: "After graduation, let's wait until after graduation. It's useless to talk about it so early now. Who knows what happened to us then?"
"No matter what the situation was at that time, I will come to you after you graduate anyway. However, if you need me to do anything before you graduate, please tell me, okay?"
Seeing that he had made such a firm determination and made it so quickly, she was very disappointed. It seemed that he could see her or not, and he didn't miss her day and night as he said just now.She said angrily, "What do I need from you? All I need from you is not to come to me."
He smiled awkwardly and said nothing.After a while, I whispered: "Jing Qiu, Jing Qiu, are you happy when you torture me like this? If so, then I have nothing to say, as long as you are happy. But if you ---You feel very --- uncomfortable in your heart, so why ---why do you --- torture me like this? "
She was startled, he is really a scout, he can even detect what she thinks in her mind, I don't know how powerful his little bottle is, will it suck what is detected out?She couldn't help shaking again, and insisted, "I-- don't know what you're-- talking nonsense--"
He hugged her tightly and comforted her in a low voice: "Don't be angry, don't be angry, I didn't say anything, it's all --- nonsense. If you don't like me --- don't like me, I --- like you That's enough--" As he spoke, he gently rubbed his face against the top of her head.
He rubbed her like that, which made her feel hot on the top of her head, and it radiated from the top of her head to her face and neck, making her face very hot. She didn't know what was wrong with her, so she blamed him: "What are you doing? Rubbing on other people's heads ---, you messed up other people's hair, how will they go back later?"
He smiled and imitated her tone and said, "I'll help someone else fix their hair——"
She scolded him: "What kind of hair do you do? Don't make my hair look like a chicken coop." She broke free from him, loosened the braids, and combed them like a golden dragon with five claws.
He tilted his head to look at her, and said, "You --- with your hair --- you look so pretty --"
She grinned: "You talk——it's disgusting—"
"I'm just being factual. No one has ever told you before—are you beautiful? Surely a lot of people have said that?"
"You talk nonsense, I won't listen, if you talk about it again I will --- run away--"
He immediately said: "Okay, I won't talk about it. But being beautiful is not a bad thing. People tell you this, and there is no bad intention. You don't have to be shy, let alone lose your temper----" He saw She was about to braid her hair, so she said, "Don't braid it, just wear it like this, let me see--"
His eyes were full of pleading, she was a little moved, she stopped her hand unconsciously, and let him look.
He looked at it, and suddenly said out of breath: "I -- can I --- kiss your --- face ---, I promise not to touch --- other places ---"
She felt that his expression seemed to be in pain, a bit like the air around him was not enough for him to breathe, and she was suddenly a little scared, afraid that if she disagreed, he would die.She carefully turned one side of her face and said, "You promised -----"
He didn't answer, just hugged her tightly, put his lips on her face, and kissed her little by little, but he didn't dare to go beyond the range of her face.His beard was a little sharp, and his breath was hot, which made her feel both excited and frightened.His lips came close to hers a few times, she thought he was going to be like last time, she was flustered for a while, wondering if Daihui should clench her teeth like last time, but he moved his lips away, a scene false alarm.
He kissed her face again and again like that, she was a little worried, afraid that half of her face would be reddened by his beard in the future, and she would sing red face and bad face at the same time, how could she go home?She broke free carefully, and coquettishly teased him while braiding her hair: "You---why are you talking endlessly?"
"I won't see you for a long time--"
She laughed: "Then you--more--kiss some more, where can I save them for later use?"
"It's good if I can keep it--" He seemed a little distracted and at a loss, his chest heaved and heaved, and he stared at her.
She asked curiously: "What's the matter? My braid is tied crookedly?"
"Oh, no," he said, "it's fine---it's getting late, I'll take you home, maybe your mother is looking for you everywhere---"
Hearing this, Jingqiu remembered that she didn't say hello to her mother when she came out just now, she panicked, and hurriedly asked, "What time is it?"
"It's almost half past nine—"
She was in a hurry: "Let's go quickly, I won't be able to go back when the river is closed---" The two hurried to the ferry, and she asked worriedly, "Where are you------ going? sleep?"
"You can find any place, a hotel, a reception—"
She thought that the other side of the river was in the suburbs, and there were no hotels and guest houses, so she advised him: "Then don't send me across the river, or you won't be able to come back here when the ferry is sealed off. There are no hotels over there." .”
"fine."
"Then you—don't be too tight with me later, I'm afraid that people on the other side of the river will see——"
"I know, I just follow you from a distance and leave as soon as you enter the school gate----" He took out a book from his bag and handed it to her, "Be careful, there is a letter inside, I'm afraid Didn't get a chance to talk to you, so I wrote it down--"
She took the book, took out the letter she was holding, stuffed it into her pocket and put it away.
As soon as I got home, my younger sister complained, "Sister, where did you go? Mom looked for you everywhere, and when she came back from Zheng Hong's house, she stepped into the gutter——"
Jingqiu saw that her mother's leg was scratched a lot, so she applied some red lotion, and the big red patch was very scary.Mom asked in a low voice, "Where did you go so late?"
"Go to Zuo Ping's place----"
The younger sister said: "Mom asked me to go to Zuo Ping's place to look for it. Zuo Ping said that you didn't go to her place at all."
Jingqiu was a little angry: "Why are you looking around like this? A friend of mine came to see me from Xicunping. I'll go out for a while. You guys are so motivating, people think I----"
My mother said: "I didn't mobilize the crowd. When Zuo Cheng came to call you, I heard it. Later, seeing that you hadn't come back so late, I asked your sister to go to his house to have a look---. At Zheng Hong's house, I just said I was looking for They borrow things----, mother is not so stupid, she won't tell people that her daughter hasn't come back so late." Mom sighed and said, "But you are too bold, you don't tell me when you go out , and don’t tell me what time you will come back. It’s very chaotic outside now, you, a girl, if you meet a bad guy——, your life will be over.”
Jingqiu lowered her head and said nothing, knowing that she made a big mistake today. Fortunately, her mother only scratched her leg. If something serious happened, she would really regret it to death.
Mom asked, "Is your --- Xicunping's friend --- male or female?"
"female---"
"Where did you two girls go so late?"
"Just stood by the river for a while--"
The younger sister said: "I went to the river with my mother, but you are not there----"
Jingqiu didn't dare to speak anymore.
My mother sighed and said: "I always thought you were a very smart and sensible child----, how could you do such a stupid thing? Some men love to play tricks on little girls like you. A few words If it sounds nice, one or two floral dresses will be enough to coax your hands. If you are deceived by such a person, your life will be over. You are still studying, if you hang out with some bad people, you will be expelled from the school, you How should I behave in my life----" Seeing Jingqiu bowing her head and not speaking, her mother asked her, "Is that Duanlin?"
"no."
"Who is that?"
"It's a member of the exploration team. I have nothing to do with him. He is here today on a business trip. He told me that he couldn't use some food stamps, so he asked me to use them." Jingqiu said, Take out the food stamps and make atonement.
When my mother saw those food stamps, she became even angrier: "This is a common trick of men. They use small favors to win you over, let you eat his mouth softly, and take his soft hands---"
"He's not that kind of guy, he just wants to -- help me --"
"He is not such a person? Why did he call you out until midnight when he knew you were still a student? If he really wanted to help you, wouldn't he come to our house openly? What a mess Sneaky, which good person would do this?" Mom sighed sadly, "I'm always afraid that you will be fooled, and that if you make a mistake, you will be hated forever, how many times have I told you, why can't you listen to it?"
The mother said to the younger sister: "You go to the front, I will say a few words to your sister." The younger sister went to the front, and the mother asked in a low voice, "Did he——do anything to you?"
"do what?"
Mom hesitated for a while: "Has he---has he hugged you? Has he ever kissed you? He---"
Jingqiu was very flustered, it's over, hugging and kissing must be a bad thing, otherwise why would mother worry about this?Her heart was beating wildly, she bit the bullet and lied, "No."
Relieved, my mother confessed: "It's fine if you don't have one. Don't associate with him again. He must be a bad person. He came from so far away to seduce girls who are still studying. If he comes to pester you again, you tell me, I will Write a letter to their survey team."
That night, Jingqiu couldn't sleep for a long time, she didn't know if the ferry was closed when the third child returned.If the ferry is blocked, he will not be able to cross the river.
The place where she lives is called Jiangxin Island, surrounded by water on all sides. A big river flows from the upper reaches, and when it reaches the west end of Jiangxin Island, it divides into two streams. One is very wide and flows from the south of the island. People are called "big rivers".Another smaller stream flows through the north of the island. The locals call it "Little River", which is the river in front of the school.
The two streams of water meet at the eastern end of Jiangxin Island and become a big river again, flowing eastward.In summer, the water on all sides rises up to the level of the ground, but it never floods Jiangxin Island.I heard from the old people that Jiangxin Island is carried on the back of a big turtle, so it will never be submerged.
On the other side of the big river is Jiangnan, but it is not the Jiangnan praised in the poem, but a relatively poor rural area.On the other side of the small river is the urban area of City K. Jiangxin Island belongs to City K, which is considered a suburb of the city. It is not very convenient to cross the river.There are several factories on the island, a vegetable team of an agricultural cooperative, several primary and secondary schools, and some restaurants and vegetable farms, but there are no hotels.
Jingqiu worried that the third child would not be able to cross the river tonight, so he could only stay on Jiangxin Island and sleep on the streets.Will he freeze to death in such a cold day?Even if he crossed the river, he might not be able to stay in a hotel. I heard that a business trip certificate is required to stay in a hotel. I don’t know if he has a certificate.
Her mind was full of images of the third child wrapping his coat tightly, shrinking his neck, wandering on the street, and later turned into the image of the third child sitting in the pavilion overnight, frozen into a popsicle, and was swept by several roads the next morning people found the picture.如果不是怕把妈妈急病了，她现在就要跑出去看看老三到底过了河没有，到底找到旅馆没有。
她想如果他今晚冻死了，那他就是为她死的了，她一定要跟随他去。想到死，她并不害怕，因为那样一来，他们俩就永远在一起了，她再也不用担心他出尔反尔了，再也不用担心他爱上别人了，他就永远都是爱她的了。
如果真是那样，她要叫人把他俩埋在那棵山楂树下。不过埋在那树下好像不太可能，因为他俩不是抗日英雄，不是为人民利益而死的，只是一男一女为了相会，一个冻死，一个自杀。按毛主席的说法，他们的死是轻于鸿毛，而不是重于泰山的，怎么够资格埋在那棵树下呢？那些埋在树下的抗日英雄肯定要有意见了。
问题是她还有妈妈和妹妹要照顾，如果她死了，她们怎么办？那只好先把妹妹养大了，把妈妈安顿好了，再去死。但她肯定会跟他去的，因为他是为她死的。
静秋在外间床上辗转反侧，她听见妈妈在里间床上辗转反侧。她知道她妈妈一定在为今天的事着急。她相信她妈妈不会擅自跑到老三队上去告他，她妈妈没有这么傻，这么黑心，因为这完全是损人而不利己的事，这样一来，不光害苦了老三，也把她贴进去了。但她可以想象得到，从今以后，她妈妈就要更加为她操心了，几分钟不见她就会以为她又跑去会那个“坏男人”了。
她想告诉妈妈，其实你不用为我担心，他这半年不会来了的，他已经说了，他要等到我毕业了才会来找我。说不定到了那一天，他早就把我忘记了。他有的是女孩喜欢，他嘴巴又这么甜，我都被他哄成这样，如果他要哄别的女孩，那还不是易如反掌？
她忍不住又把今晚的情景回想了很多遍，而且老是围绕着他抱她亲她这两个中心，不知道是怎么回事。到底是她这个人思想很不健康，还是因为她妈妈对这两件事谈虎色变？这两件事把她妈妈都吓成那样，一定是罪大恶极了，而她刚好都做了，怎么办呢？
到底被他抱了亲了会有什么害处？她有点想不明白。上次他也抱了她，亲了她，好像没怎么样呀。但如果没害处，那她妈妈为什么又那么怕呢？她妈妈是过来人，难道还不知道什么可怕什么不可怕吗？
老三今晚好像有点激动，他那算不算“兽性大发”？“兽性”到底是个什么性？兽跟人不同的地方，不就是野兽是会吃人的吗？他又没吃她，只温情脉脉地吻吻她而已，没觉得有什么跟野兽相通的呀。
一直到了第二天，她才有机会把老三的信拿出来读。那星期该她锁教室门，她就等到别人都走了，才坐在教室的一个角落里，摸出那封信，拆开了看。老三的信是写得很好的，可以说是温情、热情加深情。他写他自己的那些思念的时候，她看得很感动，很舒服。但他把她也写进去了，而且他写她的那个笔调，有点不合她的胃口。
如果他只写他怎么爱她，怎么想她，不把她写得象个同谋，她会很欣赏他的信。但他还写了“我们”怎么怎么样，这就犯了她的忌讳了。她也收到过一些情信，大多数是她同学写的。不管写信人文字水平高低，她最反感的就是写信人自作多情地猜测她是对他有意思的。
记得有一个男生，也算作文写得不错的，但那人真叫厚颜无耻，每次写信都好像她已经把她的心交给他了一样。她不理他，他说那是她喜欢他的表现，因为她对他的态度与众不同；如果她跟他说了一句话，那更不得了，他马上就要夸大其词地写到信里去，当作她喜欢他的证据。估计你就是对他吐口唾沫，他都会认为那是你喜欢他的证据：为什么她只对我吐，不对别人吐呢？这不是说明她跟我关系不一般吗？
对那些给她写情信的人，她还是很尊重很感激的，一般不会让人家下不来台。但对这个厚颜无耻的同学，她真的是烦透了。他不仅写信给她，还对人讲，说他在跟静秋“玩朋友”，搞得别人拿他们两个起哄，连她妈妈都有一半相信了，说：“如果你从来没答应过他什么，他怎么会那样说、那样写呢？”
静秋忍无可忍，拿着那个家伙的信跑到他家去告了一状，他才收敛了一些。
她不明白老三这么聪明的人，为什么看不出她不愿意他把她热情的一面写在信里呢？她愿意他把她写成一个冷冰冰的人，而他则苦苦地爱她，最后----注意，是一直到了最后，尽管她不知道这个最后是什么时候----她才给他一个爱的表示。她觉得真正的爱情就是这样的，就是从第一章就开始追，一直追到最后一章女孩才松口。
她本来当时就要把老三的信撕掉扔厕所里去的，但她想到这封信有可能是老三留给她的最后一封信了，她又不忍毁掉了。她趁妈妈出去家访的机会，把那封信也缝在棉衣里了。
她能感觉到她妈妈对她管得比以前紧了，连她去郑梅家都要问几遍，好像怕她又跟上次一样，说是去左萍家，结果却跟一个勘探队的人跑出去了。
她想想就觉得不公平，她哥哥也是很早就有了女朋友，但她妈妈从来没有这样防贼一样防着他哥哥，反而很热心地帮忙招待哥哥的女朋友。每次哥哥的女朋友要来，妈妈都想方设法买点肉，做点好菜招待她，还要提前一天把床上的垫单被单搜罗一空，大洗特洗，结果有好几次都累得尿血了。
她妈妈总是说：“我们这种人家，要钱没钱，要权没权，成分又不好，除了一份热情，我们还拿得出什么？”
静秋知道妈妈对哥哥的女朋友是充满了感激的，差不多可以说到了感激涕零的地步，因为哥哥能找到这样一个女朋友，真是不容易。
静秋的哥哥叫静新，比静秋大两、三岁，女朋友叫张中珉，是静新初中时的同班同学，也是整个年级长得最漂亮的，眼睛大大的，鼻子高高的，头发又黑又长，还带点卷，小时候照片经常挂在照相馆做招牌的，象个洋娃娃。
中珉家里条件也不错，妈妈是护士，爸爸是轮胎厂的厂长。高中毕业后，她爸爸就帮她弄了个腿部骨节核的证明，没下农村，进了K市的一家服装厂当工人。中珉可能是佩服哥哥小提琴拉得好，很早就跟哥哥好上了。不过刚开始都是背着家长的，所以家里人都不知道。
但有一天，中珉眼睛红红地找到静秋家来了，很紧张地问了声“张老师---，静新在不在？”就不敢说话了。
妈妈知道静新在哪里，但他关照过，说如果是中珉来找他，就说他出去了。于是妈妈说：“静新到一个朋友家去了，你找他有什么事吗？”
中珉说：“我知道他在家，他现在躲着不见我----因为我告诉他我父母不同意我们的事，怕他招不回来。他听了就说'我们散了吧，免得你为难，你父母他们也是为你好，我真的不知道我这辈子招不招得回来，别把你耽误了。'后来他就躲着不见我了。但那些话是我父母说的，又不是我说的，我从来没有嫌他在农村----”
妈妈的眼圈也红了，说：“他也是为你好----”
中珉当着她们的面就哭起来，说：“我家里人这样对我，他也这样对我，我活着还有什么意思？”
静秋的妈妈吓坏了，连忙叫静秋去哥哥住的那间房子把他叫来。中珉说：“我跟你去找他。”
那时正好是寒假期间，妈妈问一个回老家过春节的老师借了间单身教师住房，让回家过春节的哥哥在那里住几天。她哥哥就躲在那间小屋里，不出来见中珉。
静秋把哥哥的门敲开了，看见哥哥跟中珉两个人四目相对，好像眼里都噙着泪花一样，她赶紧离开了，知道哥哥不会再躲着中珉了。她看得出哥哥其实是很喜欢中珉的，这段时间躲着不见中珉，哥哥瘦得很厉害。
那天晚上，中珉跟哥哥一起过来吃晚饭。中珉说：“我不管我爹妈说什么，我就是要跟静新在一起，如果他们再骂我，我就搬到你们家来住，跟静秋睡一张床。”
春节期间，中珉差不多每天都过来找静新，两个人在静新住的那个房间玩，中珉常常呆到十一点多了才回去，不知道她在爹妈面前是怎么交代的。
有一天晚上，快十一点了，突然有几个护校值班的老师来叫妈妈，说你儿子出事了。静秋和妈妈跟着那几个老师跑到办公室一看，发现哥哥被关在一间小办公室里，中珉被关在另一间。
那几个值班的老师把静秋赶到外面去，他们只跟她妈妈谈。静秋心急如焚地等在外面，过了很久，一个值班的老师把才中珉带出来了，说你可以走了。但中珉不肯离开，大声跟那个人辩论：“你们为什么不放他？我们什么也没做，你们不放他，我就不走----”
值班的人说：“你还在这里大声叫？你知不知道世界上还有'羞耻'二字？我们可以现在就送你到医院去检查，看你嘴巴还硬不硬。”
中珉也不示弱：“去就去，不去的不是人。如果检查出来我什么也没做，你小心你的狗头。我哥哥和弟弟不会放过你，我爸爸也不会放过你的。你们真是多管闲事，欺人太甚。”
静秋从来没见过中珉这样强悍，她平时说话都是细声细气的。
值班的人好像被镇住了，对刚走出来的妈妈说：“张老师，你把她送回她家去吧，我们是看在你的份上，这次不把她怎么样，不然的话，要送联防队去的。”
妈妈怕把事闹大了，对静秋说：“你把中珉送回去，我在这里跟他们交涉你哥哥的事。”
静秋要送中珉回去，中珉焦急地说：“你哥还在里面，我回家干什么？我怕他们把你哥交到联防去了，联防的人会打他的---，我愿意跟他们上医院去，只要他们放你哥哥----”
静秋就陪中珉等在外面，她焦急地问：“到底是怎么回事？”
“这些值班的多管闲事。今晚很冷，我就跟你哥哥两人坐在床上，用被子捂着脚，他们来敲门，我们马上就开了，结果他们把我们带到办公室来审问，还说要把我们交到联防大队去。”
静秋不知道这事严重到什么地步，她急忙问：“那---怎么办呢？”
“应该不会把我们怎么样，我们什么都没干，经得起检查。不过幸好我们没关灯，连棉衣都没脱，不然的话----他们把我们送到联防去就麻烦了---，那些人都是不讲理的人，打了你再问话---”
“他们说送到医院去检查，是什么意思？”
中珉犹豫了一下，说：“就是请医生看看我----还是不是---姑娘家---。不过我不怕，我跟你哥什么也没做。”
静秋有点不明白，中珉自己承认是跟哥哥坐在床上，那不是又“同房”又“上床”了？怎么又说什么也没做呢？是不是因为没关灯没脱棉衣？
后来哥哥也被放回来了，说他们见中珉自己要求去医院检查，知道他们没做什么，就放了他，还给他赔礼道歉，怕中珉家里人来找他们算账。那件事发生后，中珉照常天天晚上来玩，值班的似乎没再去敲他们的门。
妈妈更喜欢中珉了，说从来没想到这么文静的女孩为了救你哥哥出来，会象只母老虎一样发威。
静秋为哥哥高兴，有这么好一个女朋友。但她也忍不住想，如果是她跟老三呆在那间小屋里，估计妈妈早就把老三交到联防去了。
２４
因为不知道老三那天晚上究竟找到住的地方没有，静秋一直都在担心老三的死活，生怕突然有一天，端芳跑来告诉她，说老三冻死了，请你去开追悼会。
她每天都找机会跑到妈妈办公室去翻翻那些报纸，看有没有关于K市冻死了一个人的报导。不过她觉得报纸多半不会报导这事，因为老三是自己冻死的，又不是救人牺牲的，谁来报导他？
她想跑到西村坪去一趟，看看老三还在不在。但她不敢问妈妈要路费，而且又找不到出去一整天的借口，只好坐在家里干着急。
她想起自己认识一个医生，姓成，在市里最大的一家医院工作，她就跑去找成医生。她问成医生那家医院最近几天有没有收治冻死冻伤的人，成医生说没有。她又问这种天气呆在室外会不会冻死，成医生说如果穿得太少恐怕有可能冻死。静秋想，老三穿着军大衣，应该不会冻死吧？
成医生安慰她说，现在一般不会冻死人的，如果外面太冷，可以到候车室候船室去，就算被公安局当盲流收审，也不会在外面冻死。静秋听他这样说，放心了一些。
静秋认识这位成医生，是因为成医生的岳母跟静秋的妈妈以前是同事，都在K市八中附小教书，而且两个人都姓张，江心岛上很多家庭一家几代人都是“张老师”的学生。
成医生的岳母已经退休了，但他们就住在学校旁边。成医生的妻子在K大教书，很会拉手风琴，他们夫妻俩经常在家里一拉一唱，引得过路人驻足。
静秋也会拉手风琴，但她完全是自己摸索的，没人教过。她最先是学弹风琴，因为她妈妈学校有风琴，她经常去音乐办公室弹。后来因为学生经常出去宣传毛泽东思想，到很多地方去唱歌跳舞，没人伴奏不行，又不能把那么重的风琴抬到那些地方去，她就开始学拉手风琴。
学校有个很旧的手风琴，但老师当中没有一个会拉。静秋就叫妈妈把学校的手风琴借回来，她学着拉。风琴、手风琴都是键盘乐器，有很多相通的地方，静秋拉了一段时间，就可以为同学们伴奏了，只是左手的和弦部分还不太熟悉。
那时会搞乐器的人不多，女的会拉琴的就更少。静秋经常背着手风琴，跟学校宣传队的人到江心岛各个地方去宣传毛泽东思想，江心岛上的人差不多都认识她，不一定知道她名字，但只要说“八中那个拉手风琴伴奏的女孩”，别人都知道是她。
后来她从江老师家路过的时候，经常听到江老师拉手风琴，佩服得不得了，就叫妈妈带她去拜江老师为师。静秋跟着江老师学琴，很快就跟江老师一家搞熟了。
江老师的爱人成医生长相特殊，高鼻凹眼，人称“外国人”，在江心岛颇有名气，走到哪里都有人跟着看。有的小孩胆子大，常跟在他身后大声喊“外国人”，他脾气好，只回头笑一笑，挥挥手走路。
成医生的身世是江心岛人的热门话题，有很多版本。有的说他是美蒋特务，有的说他是苏联特务；有的说他父亲是美军上将，跟一个中国女人生下了他，解放前夕，那个美军上将就丢下他们母子俩，跑回美国去了；还有的人说他母亲是共产党的高官，在苏联学习时跟一个苏联人好上了，生下了他，怕影响自己的前途，就把他送人了。
成医生对自己那幅“外国人”面相的解释是他家有哈萨克血统，但谁也没见过他的哈萨克父亲或者母亲，所以大家宁可相信他是特务或者是混血私生子。这几个版本传来传去，传得有鼻子有眼的，每种说法都令人信服。
静秋比较喜欢“共产党高官”这个版本，因为在她心目中美国人没有苏联人好看，美国人鼻子太尖，是鹰钩鼻，而鹰钩鼻是狡猾的象征。苏联人的鼻子没有那么尖，所以英俊、勇敢而又诚实。她其实也没看见过美国人，连电影好像都没看过，都是外面大字报、宣传画上看来的。但她看到过苏联人----的插图，苏联男的都爱穿那种套头的、衣领下开个小口、扣两三粒口子的衣服，腰里系个皮带，很风度翩翩。
不知道为什么，静秋总是觉得成医生跟老三长得很像，虽然老三的鼻子没有那么高，眼睛没有那么凹，走在外面也不会有那么多人跟踪围观当希奇看，但她就觉得象。她不知道自己是因为喜欢成医生的外貌才会对老三一见钟情的，还是因为喜欢老三才觉得成医生英俊的，反正她时常把他们两人混为一谈。
静秋问了成医生之后，心想老三大概不会冻死了，但她一直到看见了老三的亲笔信才彻底放心。
那天，静秋的妈妈给她拿来一封信，说是西村坪的人写来的。她一听，差点晕了，心想老三大概是冻疯了，居然把信写到K市八中附小来了。她跟他见面的第一天就对他说过，叫他不要往这里写信，因为那时学生是没有什么信件的，如果有，那肯定是什么见不得人的秘密。传达室见到是她家的信，不管收信人是谁，总是给她妈妈的。
妈妈没拆她的信，叫她自己拆。那可能是她一生当中收到的第一封从邮局寄来的信，她一眼看见了信封上的寄件人是“张端芳”，笔迹也象是端芳的，她就当着妈妈的面拆开看了，信写得很简单，只是谈谈最近的学习情况，说家里人都好，请她有空去西村坪玩，然后代问静秋家里人好，云云。
静秋看出信是老三的笔迹，不由得在心里笑骂他：“真会装神弄鬼，连我妈妈都敢骗。”
她见他没事了，就把缝在棉衣里的那封信拿出来烧掉了，免得放那里鼓鼓囊囊的，她妈妈一眼就可以看出来那里藏了东西。不过她把老三的第一封信留下了，因为那封里面没有说“我们”怎么怎么样。
离毕业的日子越来越近了，静秋的心情也越来越矛盾。她盼望日子过快点，她就可以快点见到老三。但她又害怕毕业，因为毕业了她就要下乡了。下乡之后，她的户口就迁到农村去了，她就不是K市人了，也就不能打零工了。到时候，她跟她哥哥两人都欠队里口粮钱，难道叫她十二、三岁的妹妹去打零工？
那时K市的知青已经不再是下到某个生产队了，而是按家长单位下到集体知青点去。K市文教系统的知青点在Y县的一个老山里面，很苦的地方，办了个林场，根本不指望有收入，知青下到那里只是为了在广阔天地里炼一颗红心，都是父母帮他们出口粮钱。说实话，父母也不在乎自己的子女在林场能不能赚到钱，只求他们平平安安在林场熬几年，然后招工回城就行了。
文教系统每年都是七月份送新知青下乡，但半年前就在对即将下乡的知青进行上山下乡的教育。天天都听说“一颗红心，两种准备”，但静秋一直搞不懂到底是哪两种准备，好像就一种：下乡。教育局组织了几次大会，请已经下乡了的，特别是在农村扎了根的知青给那些即将下乡的人作报告，讲他们是怎么跟当地贫下中农打成一片的。有些榜样和典型都已经跟当地农民结婚了，说要“扎根农村干革命”。
静秋听他们讲他们的光荣事迹，不知道他们究竟爱不爱他们的农民丈夫或媳妇。但有一点她知道，一旦跟当地农民结婚了，你就不要想招回城里来了。
郑红比静秋大几岁，那时已经下乡了，两个人的妈妈都是附小的老师。郑红回来休息的时候，总是对静秋讲农村多么苦，说干活累得恨不得倒地死去，生活很无聊，只盼望着哪天招工回城，就熬出头了。郑红还唱那些知青的歌给她听：“做了半天工，裤腰带往下松，人家的白米饭煮的个香喷喷，回到我屋里还是一片漆黑，哎呀我的大哥呀----”
静秋跟郑红的妹妹郑兰一个年级，两个人约好了，下乡之后她们俩就住一个屋，两个人还一起准备下乡的用品。郑兰家经济条件比较好一些，她爸爸妈妈都是K市八中的老师，双职工，养活三个小孩还是没什么大问题的。所以她跟静秋一起准备东西，能成双成对买的东西并不多，大多数东西都是郑兰买得起，但静秋买不起。
她们两个唯一相通的东西，就是一个枕套。她们买了一点布，自己在上面写了“广阔天地，大有作为”的字样，就自己照着绣了这几个字，准备下乡用。
正在热火朝天地准备下乡的时候，突然有一天，端芳跑到K市来看静秋。等到静秋送她坐车回家的时候，两个人才有单独在一起的机会。端芳拿出一封信给静秋，说是老三叫她送来的。静秋等端芳的车开走