Chapter 14 suffix

I'm done. It's not just this novel; I feel that my career of choosing pen and manuscript paper for many years is finished, along with the books that have been soaked with my heart and soul. On the suffix at the end of this text, I clearly felt that I was sharply peeled off from a huge flesh and blood body.I have a final revelation.It's time for me to say goodbye. The music of the final chapter rose around me alone. I bid farewell quietly. Said a heavy color eyes. I'm leaving. From now on, I cease to exist.Please forget about me.The old me is gone. Even I was surprised that I ended myself abruptly with such a book.And I don't expect people to read it, it's a mediocre book.Whether it is praise or criticism, it means nothing to me.I write it just for myself.I don't even expect Dosdani's approval.I write it and all my words, just because of my previous destiny and my desire to save myself.

All achieved. It's over. ——According to legend: "Praise the Lord, He has made knowledge without Ermeri useless; He has made knowledge without Ermeri sick; He has made knowledge of devout Ermeri righteous." I have practiced such Ermai only once. I have written such knowledge and no more. So, my goodbyes come from real judgment and self-knowledge.I reached out and grabbed it.But revelation does not repeat, and predestination is irresistible.If I have time to live, I will still write, but what should be written has been written. It is quiet at the moment. I am alone, without sentimentality, silent and free.

I can still enjoy an epilogue, which is a human right.There is still an elegy for the shepherd’s parting, and there is still an elegy for the Hui people on their deathbed—here is my personal, joyful elegy and a peaceful interrogation, and this is the rest of my narration. Landscapes converge under my pen.The land I have stepped into in these years connects the north of ancient China.The sea with grass is black, green, yellow and white in spring, summer, autumn and winter, and it undulates like a mother's breast.There are loess ravines in the backcountry, which are deeply buried with emotions, as strong and indifferent as my father.

Moreover, ancient roads are interspersed among them, and the west pole points to Yili Yanqi.The Great Wall of the Yellow River is like a pair of brothers, blocking me and welcoming me everywhere, until I found out my true heart.The nationalities are well distributed, and the languages ​​and local dialects both make me nostalgic, making me change my accent unconsciously. Villages opened up to me one by one, and even the locals didn't know how deep I was.Simplicity and toughness are both sides of the attack, and it is difficult for me to adapt to the past after being recast. Everything I have taken in school and in books has been distilled in the heart of this continent, and I am now a man of true knowledge.

Ujimqin's herdsman - Rahua and his mother; Xihaigu's Hui people - Ma Zhiwen and his father, are my best friends and bosom friends in life.In this final chapter I hear their hearts beating for me, like a low rhythm.The friendship between me and them cannot be explained, everything is in words, everything is in this magnificent and boundless scenery. Gazing at this silent scene, I quietly sighed.They gave me romance and health when I was young, and they gave me hardship when I was an adult.The prairie made me love freedom, and the Loess Plateau made me pursue faith.Time can only rub against my skin, and the innocence and passion in my heart remain unchanged.

I can't express the gratitude in my chest. In an afterlife I will still be touched by today. —I know that I bear a great love.I know that I obey an invisible force.When my perception becomes clearer moment by moment, when my life cannot lack this kind of love and strength, I believe it. In this farewell, I must face - you. Yes.you. You are everything and everyone I miss.You are the testament that I may never have time to complete.You are one of my few admirers.you are my child.You are the white horse who died for me and the well for my ghusl.You are "Li Sao" and.You are my woman.You are my ragged and spiritual farmer friend.You are the dense sound of four hooves and the empty sound of the desert.You are the big time I miss so much.You are the heroic soul whom the common people have been looking for for fifty years.You are the mother who fed me with milk and poverty.You are Garden of Truth and Reshhar.You are Ma Mingxin, the friend of Allah and the teacher of the poor.You followed him and tortured my father.You are the secret of my coming and my passing.You are the pain I swallow.You are the thrill I cherish when I enjoy it.You are my art path.You are the miraculous snow that fell for me.You are what everyone calls happiness.You are an earth-shattering sign of revelation.You are the only god.You are the Lord.You are the existence that I am bitterly in love with and still can't bear to leave at this moment.You—on top of this end, I will be with you, I will leave you my secret words.I had planned to finish this farewell alone in the future, but I was afraid it would be too late.

(one) Flowers bloom in your garden, though it looks like a barren and bare loess.Are you my garden, can you contain my self and nature, make me gallop in your arms like a galloping horse, let me vent my innocence and will?You are obscure. You do not give me peace.You smashed me and loomed far away on the other side.It's getting closer.You sails in the mist; you lost, shadowy silhouettes.You tore me apart, you made me give my soul willingly. It's up to you.It is my dedication. You are eternal.The Great Wall is decadent on your arms, and the Yellow River is turbid in your thighs.

I'm just a seed blown by the wind above you.I'm just a worm in your burning.I am but a stone sunk at the bottom of your dry sea. You have made my heart full. You have kept me from new and old continents.You made me drop all the emotions of my life, like an anchor without a rope. You know my farewell and attachment are inseparable.I have become indifferent to everything.Even if you are poor and have no future and no future, you know that I will live by imagining you. You are immortal.The grassland fades at your toes, and the desert grows on your face. I'm just like every poor person, and I can only feel at ease when I walk into you.I'm just like the shepherd with the broken leg, just looking for a few sheep to graze.I'm just like that blind Muslim who just wants to enter a temple and kneel down.

My land, my north, my continent!I know you have been waiting for me fifty years ago, and I know you will still miss me twenty years later.Others think you are poor, and close neighbors never communicate with each other, but I defected to you from thousands of miles away.Others are easy to forget and empathize with others, but I am symmetrical and unswerving. You are exactly you, my strict father blocked me time and time again.You tested me with beautiful scenery and harsh winter and heat.With danger like a tiger's den, with silence and taboo, do not show me the truth. And I am me, the son of the mainland and the son of the north, the adopted son of the grassland and the eldest son of the Hui nationality.I follow a constraint, I firmly believe in my mission - I entered you, the dry sea without fish, the garden without flowers.

So the heavy snow came down for me one after another The clang of the stirrups, the blue pine and white snow of the Tianshan Mountains, all played for me, let me listen to the music of this continent alone You, the continent, just one touch of you can make people fall into love Land of unrequited love, garden of truth for you who suffer! Did the ancient fire worshipers walk through the fire like this? Is this how the drowning person in the dry sea sinks? Please testify - I did not catch the gold in the fire I did not fish for the pearls in the bottom of the sea Please testify - I did find you I did have two feet of clay Please testify - Your vast mountains and rivers are indeed my soul Farewell to the place, the road has come to an end, you have promised to say goodbye, my mainland (2)

You are the fulcrum that turns the earth. Since I have your support, my inside has never been bent.In fact, there should be a song dedicated entirely to you, in fact, a farewell song should be written for you alone. But what I learned was the way of Ujumqin and Xihaigu.I have noticed that they are more accustomed to concealing or belittling such expressions than pain.Don't talk about fashion, don't give examples—you can't know better than me, you can't hear that word directly from a sheep shepherd or a Hui farmer. ``Periscope, always the deep power of darkness, just input from you you are magical`` Whenever I suck, I don't tell you the true essence.I care about it, it's like giving a gift.When I felt that I was nourished and lively, I thought——It's time for the shepherd to gallop in the wind and snow.When I got rid of the withering and could live until tomorrow, I thought—it's time for the Hui people to go to the mountains to harvest wheat. Have you forgotten, there is a big black tree in the middle of the dangerous mountains and evil ridges, and there is a flat land.Smeared with heavy snow, thousands of mountains and valleys of white snow surround this small piece of pure land, and in this small piece of crystal clear stands the proud black cypress tree. Have you forgotten, at the beginning of that difficult solitary journey, you saw through my danger.I rejected the vast world, I only demand from you.At that time, you hadn't seen the glory of today, so you pricked your blood and swore to me.Now—every victory in my eyes is as red as blood. Have you forgotten, the days of our hardships that are long gone!The innumerable toils, the innumerable excitements that accompany the toil!I am like a flag in the water, with your unsinkable boat, I become a high sail.Split the wind and waves - I once shouted proudly.Soaked in salt water - but you never tell. ``Should you lament your consumption, or should you praise my sacrifice? If you were reborn, would you choose to live peacefully, or would you worry about wandering again? Do you still bear--the waves I make? Are you reaffirming—my unique meaning? —I make you haggard and old.I make you excited and hopeful.I make you doubly miserable.I make you proud forever.One day I'll catch you off guard and you'll lose me, even you knew it - it's an early farewell time We've finally let go of those words Harmony has finally broken through the hustle and bustle Years you're still silent, like I'm moved I'm still the same Boy, siren flashes like you like it caught off guard Farewell, my woman (3) When I turned around and faced you—my friend, the sun shone hot in every corner, and the bright silver moon lightly caressed. Only you are so many hopes, although I can't see you. .I can only guess your existence from the movements and expressions of a few people and say that you belong to me. You are a Jew who was once persecuted by humans. You are a Mongolian without glasses. You are a Chinese who does not stretch your waist and listen to big drum books. You are The white-haired Eji in the bleak and rainy season of the prairie, you are Zhongqi, the strong worker who guards the sluice at the foot of the winding mountain, you are the Han girl who struggles in shackles, a foreign race——I like the story of being tested by others as a foreign race, that is A series of legends from outsiders, haven’t you discovered this secret? You live under the top of Pamir, which I long for. You once manifested into a transparent black stone mountain. The lapel line is round, crystal-clear, dark and noble. You suppressed and buried an exit. I once said that all music comes from that source. To a Chinese, how fierce the music is. To a Hui child, music can bring the dead back to life. How did I know——How dangerously I entered the cave at that time. Your exotic tunes are mine. Conqueror's music that makes people tremble without explanation O foreign race, foreign race - I've marched stubbornly towards you all my life I've never spoken and I've had a gaping loneliness Do you only remember my joy I respect you more than the Jews, leading the camel caravan Moses walked out of the gravel desert with the old and the weak.The Hui people affectionately call you "Musa" - which title is closer to you? Inside and outside the world, there is no greater system of thought since prehistory Science and literature—like two whips that drive me closer to you One God, one God, one God who saves you and me Aminai, Amen, Unify you and my prayer I love you more than all painters, Van Gogh I respect you more than all party members, Mao Zedong When the Yellow River stumbled out of Mengda Gorge I condemned the stone cliff for his pain When the sea surged I said :I understand you.It's not a tide I'm not with your friends for a moment I'm just the wind Missing you Flying fast You're listening - these words I speak They're stripped of their original meaning right now You're my true soulmate When you shine sharply, my blankness, my obscurity, my original meaning, my puns and metaphors, as well as silence and reticence are exposed to you like a crying baby out of the basin Can people really understand their mother tongue? Can people really not understand foreign languages? You gave me such a trembling and melodious first voice. You inspired me with such a hidden truth. How can the world be without you? And the record is completed by you - you pointed me to the right way. You are the one who lent me a cow in the ice and snow and gave me a pot of yellow millet to save me from the disaster. Baiyin Tuga's neighbor Eji, you are from the Tacheng area and mistook me You, the cute little Erut girl who jumped like a little goat on the wall of Yemili in the 13th century, you are the unforgettable Uighur man who always fiddled with the zither and sang on the streets of Kashgar. It was an old Kazakh lady who brought me a copper basin of yogurt by the Muzart River in the rain.Your cow dung is all wet, there is no way to make me tea.You stared at me strangely, and shouted: "Barum"—my child, you are the singer I have always listened to, and you have guided me on a long journey of seeking knowledge. You still don't discriminate against people of the yellow race. Negro you are the nomadic artist who rode up the snowy peaks of Altai and sculpted the sunny slopes of a whole range of mountains Oh my friends - it's been a long time since no one has called you like that and done your best like a baby crying just because My cry, my farewell cry China answered you Don't say it, it's weak, it'll fade away (4) who are you?Strange you, you from behind, you who are reclusive, you who are incredible, tell me - who are you? The long river disappears into the twilight, the silver moon rises, even the sad valleys and broken earth cliffs are pure, even the wild trees reveal their branches and leaves, who are you? You hide four leaves, and you hide three leaves. The heavy snow that stirred up the landslide blinded my vision at that time. I didn't know the truth at that time, just like a child. Which mountain top you once stood on, which cliff you hid in, you hid in the depth of the heavy snow You are cruel The earth is not revealed to me Aren't I - child you know all things.But you sacrificed like the dry mountains and ravines of the West Sea collapsed and collapsed You died, standing still, your face unchanged, with only scars I can't get back fifty years of ruthless water I can't ask the details of fifty years of secrets On the day of love, my heart was full of haze, so the white cliffs in the sand ditch were also covered with lead clouds. Holding back the man's tears, I stomped my feet and walked in the ditch, and the sky was also muffled, and the blizzard poured down that day The heavy snow that is flying wildly in the day and night, my Duwaer is alive, I want to cry and have no tears, I am numb and pick up the other three withered leaves. How many years did you make it take for the three leaves to close the previous one? You have created a texture that is as unpredictable as a book of heaven, and there is no flaw on the four leaves.Can I do it! ——I roared angrily, as cool as a sand ditch man.I - know all words, I even know the cursive scripture you left on that leaf - Ya, Mola, ya osi - ah, my master!Ah, my savior, but I can't read Yewen even though you let a peasant woman from Xihaigu splash blood on a mud house and kill an officer and soldier with a bit of a woman's strength.She died, and her soul caught up with her husband on the battlefield.Here I am, with her blood on the four leaves Oh, who will rescue me Who can teach me the language of leaf texture You call for me—Master, call for me all the forests in the world you hide Fleeing, as if really waiting for something You won't be born for me - you are a great rescuer I'm just a protest against the end times I'm not a spring swallow and I don't have that beauty - when the time comes you won't be there Little me, born for my love - and you, gone forever Lost your master and rescuer You go desolate and lonely You have no chance to explain to me those four miracle leaves You gave me In the end, after a long period of suffering, you gave me this moment of joy. You let me wander around. I walked half the world. Getting here was your first step. No need to argue, I don’t read other people’s books. Miracles are indeed possible. The one who blocked me fiercely for the first time, the heavy snow in Xihaigu that covered the sky, the one who tried hard to hold me back last time, the sad and heavy snow in Xihaigu that filled the mountains, you buried people's hearts in vain. People say: You and I are sworn brothers Then you testify, since you and I have not separated in the crazy snow Our eyebrows and hair are all white, and the tears are freezing She is uncomfortable - we didn't eat a bite The child carried a wooden tray, boiling hot The heat came from the long face she rolled so well, and the oily face floated straight into the pouring snow Could it be that the man’s parting was so decisive? Even the child was about to cry. The snow will testify like it proves the Lord’s. Miracle, it roared and said:——You and my heart are sincere You are like the art god in the sand ditch You have been examining, don’t worry about me, don’t worry about my pen You haven’t praised my beautiful writing yet What are you waiting for Go and see how many martyrs in the Gongbei cemetery built by your mud hut lived long. Who didn’t leave the whole family behind? How many good books have been buried with high-minded stalks You, and you, and another you kind I grew up, grew up, and accompanied me. I announced my birth with the mysterious prophecy of four leaves. Bright blood, beautiful blood, fierce blood So it turns out that this is how immortality and inheritance are far away, the great time of the people, ah, the law of that day Tima holds up these four leaves, will she ask who are you? will she find the two entrances of the sand ditch and go back to the irrigated area of ​​Quzhaqiaobao, and track down the secret leaf like me? will she find the peach blossom and shout Sister is precious, we are the bond of two generations, so that day—don’t wait for that day I’ve already disappeared without a trace Dangerous sirens are shining Sometimes I’m even worried that in a matter of seconds I might be a piece of black ashes Maybe I can’t finish it —Then the new book dedicated to you.It tells everything about you and me But you taught me not to feel sorry for myself The right moment is today The right place is here You are listening to my farewell (Fives) Praise be to you!Everything is in your hands Only you have so many lonely moments, I rely on you to pass through the moments of life, you are always close to me Reminiscing about your preference I am thrilled Only you have made me complete this life like a universe The retrograde of the Lone Star in China Looking back on the past, I am no longer depressed or happy. I appreciate your existence quietly and silently. Like a rusty stone on the bank of the Yellow River, it is the flood season, and the turbid waves are endless. I am just proving for myself that I am not Don't tell others this is - my secret with you.Because you have impregnated me with this secret, there is no regret left.I cuddle with you.I am in the dark, the sucking baby in the sweet dream where the air sinks and the night freezes in deep silence, in the infinite eternal universe, now there is no more thing, no other reality.It’s so quiet—even time has disappeared, only you, only me, you exist, and I live in this strange—choked up and can’t speak a word, just like a newborn life that can’t cry out a first sound, hanging in the air I can't praise you when a drop doesn't come down It's almost dawn and I'm still stuck in the past.A sandy ditch with a bleak landscape made my whole lost story strung together in a thread. It was so amazing and moving that I was moved and silent.I stared at it for a long time and finally saw it - a word, a word of love that is getting brighter and brighter. In the empty darkness, it is like the sun in silence.Those who carry wheat sheaves back from the dry land without water, those who are all in rags and only eat a few bran vegetables before jumping into the cannon fire, those who make five salutes all day long, those who pursue you hard in the deep caves on the earth cliffs People--they also saw the crowds clamoring to be sacrificial lambs, those who really shed blood, did they see this love? The favorite? The predetermined ah all the moments that happened that all the things happened in that moment I am speechless, I have no proper etiquette and praise.I have no form and I am powerless, the miracles you wrought are too powerful In this moment between you and me - I taste the written and the unwritten, the nobility and tenderness of the darkness, the palpable communion, I sins and your forgiveness.You are so close to me, you are with me.I have no ceremony, no word of praise.I just hold your hand tightly, close my eyes, and listen to my faint heart sounds, disappearing step by step in your dark and broad love, melting bit by bit I am still alone, with no way to look around In the wilderness no one can help me but you I can't praise you In the time I spend with you in this moment, am I saying goodbye to you Am I running to you Tonight, the sky after the rain has finally risen The bright full moon and my heart are also pure I close this book of my life and make it as simple as the barren hills around the sand ditch Then I let my heart float up to the breeze and silver light I pursue you I am attached to you I pray you miss you Completed in Beijing in July 1990. In February 1995, it was corrected in Beijing. (Mr. Ma Liesun’s preface, because this anthology has not been printed. In all separate editions, it will be printed according to the edition of Huacheng Publishing House.)