Chapter 3 3. Reportage on Pastor Zhan

It has been a long time since I wanted to write a reportage for Pastor Zhan. ——With just this sentence, discerning readers can already see that I am applying the methods of great men.The matter has come to this point, admitting it is the best policy.I choose the best policy. Originally I even wanted to title it "The Biography of Pastor James X", but it's not fashionable to write biographies, no matter what kind of biographies. The "true story" is also not suitable.For one thing, the style of writing is outdated, and I'm afraid it won't give off a proper atmosphere.Secondly, there is Mr. Lu Xun, whose charm still exists to this day. Only people who are often foolish don't understand: following in the footsteps of great men can only show their own humbleness and shallowness.It can also be seen from this that my paraphrase is by no means intended to be a great man, but I have taken the risk of being "humble and shallow"!The third reason why it is not suitable to write a biography is: there are unpredictable things in the sky.To put it bluntly, who can you find out?In other words, whose history do you dare to guarantee is completely innocent?What if the person you want to write your biographer for has been a spy for three or five days, or sold his soul for a minute or two?Especially those who survived those turbulent years, who would dare to pat their chests and say that they have always been open-minded and have a clear conscience?It is not uncommon for people to erect a tombstone for themselves prematurely in order to create a biography for others, so they have to "take it easy".The situation has changed in the past two years, but generally speaking, "taking it easy" is not a disadvantage.So I decided not to write a biography, but to write a reportage for Pastor Zhan.Some say "set up a monument and set up a biography for class enemies", but no one says "set up a monument and set up reportage for class enemies".Come to think of it, the word "report" has infinite uses. No matter what, if you report it, it is always right. Even if you meet a spy, don't you have to report it?

I wanted to write reportage because I was inspired by a chess player.That day when I was about to kill his old player, he suddenly pushed that he had some important things to do quickly, so this game of chess will end here first.Count me in.He said that he was going to write a reportage about a famous soprano, or about a famous old writer, or about a famous other. I suddenly thought of Pastor Zhan. "Priest?" The chess player tried his best to laugh a few high-pitched voices, completely substituting for the embarrassment of losing chess. "When he was young, he was the preaching pastor of a Christian church. Later he was in charge of paging the phone."

Chess friends laughed even louder.When I put the chess pieces into the chess box, judging from the expressions of both sides, everyone will think that I am the loser. "You'd better write about the pastor who sent the phone!" Chess player said, "Paper and pen are ready-made, and it's not about having children, only women can." My heart moved, and I felt that this was not unreasonable. Nowadays, not many people know that Pastor Zhan has been the keynote pastor, and know that he has gained God.There are even fewer people with two master's degrees in history. Most people only remember that the old man Zhan who passed the phone has always had a good service attitude.This is rather like the beginning of a reportage.Generally speaking, reportage begins with a person's underappreciated talent, and ends with the person finally becoming famous in a certain circle or achieving a certain great cause, or at worst until he is discovered by Bole.However, Pastor Zhan is still just a phone caller.I believe this has something to do with his face: although the big court is full, the chin is too sharp and has not grown to the extent of the square.It is said that when he was young, Pastor Zhan was very troubled by this, and he checked several photo books, which did not make people optimistic.After the first year of his life, he turned to resentment, and wrote in a paper: "The spirit of Christ is a spirit of self-improvement!" Then he extended Martin-Luther's thought, thinking that people want to get the blessings of God. Salvation, since it does not lie in obeying the rules of the church, certainly does not lie in letting fate dictate it.In the end, he wrote: "Jesus is the savior of the insulted and the injured. Under the illumination of his great spirit, all suffering beings have a chance to be saved, except for the fatalists who are submissive." He is suspected of having ties to the Communist Party.In his forties, Pastor Zhan became more mature, when the whole country had been liberated, and the national economy and people's livelihood were flourishing. He then doubted theism and unintentionally belittled his Lord.He said: "Theists are all because they don't understand the true meaning of Christianity. Marxism-Leninism is the great savior for suffering people!" This offended many colleagues again.Some people said that he was a "grass on the wall" (equivalent to what was later called the "wind school"), and even simply said that he was Jewish.Pastor Zhan took it calmly and said, "If it was not for the thirty silver coins, but for the truth, the Lord Jesus would approve."

The chess player is thinking wholeheartedly about the appropriate number of words for a reportage. "Fifty-two thousand seven hundred and eight hundred characters, do you think it's enough?" the chess player asked. "Let's put it all together, one hundred thousand words, enough for a color TV." The chess players nodded frequently. At that moment, I decided to write a reportage. The way the last episode was written——?In fact, it is not far from writing news reports (by the way, I work in a small newspaper), and they are probably about some successful people and their success paths.Talk about how this person was born, how he grew up, what kind of outstanding qualities and intelligence he possessed, what and what he overcame, and how he got up.The difference is that the living habits of petrels and eagles are often introduced at the same time.For example, petrels like to cut through the gloomy sky, while eagles are better at "strike"-the eagle strikes the sky.Also contact the pine style, the gold quality, the light of a certain constellation, and so on.There are also records that focus on meteorological and geographical environments, such as: lightning, thunder, and storms shook this small mountain village. In a low thatched hut, a baby was born and a great life came to the world.

Quite unfortunate!Pastor Zhan does not account for any of the above items.As I said before, Pastor Zhan has never been great because of the lack of a "ground radius"; moreover, even the historical data of his birth have been lost long ago.He himself was too young at the time, and he didn't remember whether it rained, whether there was lightning and thunder; his parents died young, and even the date of birth was a mess.It's not that I blindly want to apply the great man's method, it's because Pastor Zhan was so focused on crying that he forgot the most important thing.The household registration system at that time was very lax.If I had to write about the circumstances of his birth, I can only say that on a bleak autumn day, a flock of geese flying south was passing over a small town, and the bell of the church (a form of aggression by imperialist powers) There was a long and desolate sound, and a baby's weak cry came from the fallen leaves beside the road. A pair of poor but kind-hearted old people passed by here and adopted the dying abandoned baby without hesitation. In more than ten years, Pastor Zhan appeared in the world.But I am still not sure whether this is also based on imagination and fiction.Pastor Zhan often remembers some legendary things very firmly. After remembering them for a long time, he thinks that he is nothing more than that.For example, this birthday, in his early years he always filled in various forms on October 10th (according to the day he was adopted by a kind old man). During the "Cultural Revolution", a person born on October 1, who was born on October 1st, made fun of his October 10th, saying that "this is not without class."Pastor Zhan was envious of others at first, and then slowly recalled: I may not have just stayed in the fallen leaves for a day, and my biological mother would not be painless before abandoning her, and she would not throw it away as soon as she was born. How many weeks, that's how it works.My own birthday should also be October 1st.Pastor Zhan went to the police station many times because of this matter, stated his reasons, and demanded that the reversed history be reversed again.His son asked him, why not change the year of birth to 1949? "That way, my life at school will be easier," his son said.Pastor Zhan was speechless.Mrs. Zhan's usual task is to get along with the father and son. At this moment, she rescued her husband and said, "Your father is not that kind... what kind? There is no more. At that time, Mrs. Zhan was washing the vegetables and thinking whether she should tell her son , Pastor Zhan's childhood name was "Qingsheng". Although it was created to celebrate his lucky survival in the fallen leaves, and it was before the Revolution of 1911, it may not be beneficial to think about it in conjunction with October 10. Zhan The lady looked up at her husband's gray stubble and sad wrinkles, and felt sour. Where did the boy who played in the water and punted with her go to celebrate his birthday? The boy who taught her how to make kites and fly kites Where has the happy birthday celebration of the kite gone? The years are like a dream, like smoke, fleeting! So she just said to her son: "You will also be old..." The son walked out impatiently. Pastor Zhan squatted Come here and help my wife wash the vegetables.

"Don't take it to heart." Mrs. Zhan said. "I don't." "He's still a kid." "I know." "I can see that you are unhappy." Pastor Zhan kept washing the vegetables without speaking. "Don't think about it all the time." "Do you also think I'm old?" Pastor Zhan said, his hands trembling while washing the vegetables. Mrs. Zhan was stunned for a moment, then deliberately smiled: "Who hates who, we are both old!" "But what I want to do, I haven't done it yet." They silently wash the dishes.

Furthermore, to write reportage, one must know some music.People ask you, who composed "Symphony of Destiny"?You have to be able to say: Beethoven.If you can then know that it is the Fifth Symphony, "Di, Di, Di, Deng—" is the god of fate knocking on the door, then you will find that it has a wide range of uses in the future, and writing novels and poems is also very important. Inseparable.You also need to know a little bit about art. Mentioning Picasso and "Girls of Avignon" in an appropriate paragraph will make your work show an elegant momentum.As for literature, that is the knowledge of the field, and others will not have any doubts about a person who writes reportage in this regard; if there is a chance, it is enough to say "Hemingway covered it" or "Kafka is so fucking amazing".Wait a minute, I can't even do it, the important thing is how to connect this knowledge to Pastor Zhan.Pastor Zhan played the organ a few times when he was a pastor, but by the time I got to know Pastor Zhan, this had already become history.That the church organ fell into disrepair was one reason: he was no longer allowed in church.The only thing that can connect Pastor Zhan with music is the song in the Ninth Symphony: "Goddess of Joy, holy and beautiful, the sun shines brightly on the earth...Under your radiance, all the world is brothers..." Mrs. Zhan loved to sing this song. When she was young, she knew some Beethoven and had a good voice. She was the main force of the school chorus when she was in middle school.Pastor Zhan can also sing. In fact, Pastor Zhan can sing many songs, but unfortunately they are all related to our Lord Jesus, and he has no chance to sing again.When I was a child in my hometown, Pastor Zhan (Zhan Qingsheng at that time) was selected into the choir of the small church by some chance.It is conceivable that at that time his voice was still very clear, his eyes were still clear, looking at the mysterious blue sky outside the window, he sang reverently: "I hear the voice of the Lord to welcome me, call me to have a blind date with the Lord, in the precious blood shed by the Lord , My heart can be cleansed..." There was a little girl standing by the door, fascinated by the sound, staring obsessively at the boy's birthday celebration.That is the later Mrs. Zhan, whose surname is Bai and first name is Zhi, which sounds like a traditional Chinese medicine.

Love is an eternal theme, and as usual, it should not be left out.However, Pastor Zhan has never kept his romance secret.When he was alive, I didn't inquire about him. Now that I decided to write a report, I had to do some extra work——I made some surveys with his relatives and friends, and collected fragments. , I can only write a few items: (1) Pastor Zhan's father-in-law is a small owner of a drug store and also a doctor. There are several acres of good land in the family, and he hired people to breed.Zhan Qingsheng came to this pharmacy as an apprentice at the age of fourteen. He was very diligent and thrifty, he knew how to cherish all kinds of herbs, he had a good brain and good abacus, and he was very appreciated by the little boss.Although due to certain rules, the apprentice's life is as usual poor, but the girl's obvious care for him independently, the little boss also agrees.As for the fact that the little boss has no children, whether he intends to train the young Qingsheng to be an heir has not been verified.

(2) Birthday celebrations for teenagers are by no means those who are willing to live under others, and their life aspirations are by no means limited to the ears of a small boss.Every night, the master washed his feet and his wife finished drinking the reed root water, so he went to the shop to study.What "Complete Book of Medicine", "Materia Medica", "Pinhu Pulse Jue", "Leigong Medicine Nature Fu" is no longer a problem; "Three Kingdoms" and "Water Margin" are even familiar to the degree; I have read all of them, including "The Story of the Box", "The Book in the Pillow", "On Choosing a Spouse", and even "The Physiognomy of Linen Clothes" and "The Eight Diagrams of Yin and Yang". The great work of Zibaijia....The little boss saw that he was studying, so he didn't spare the lamp oil.At that time, Bai Zhi was already in junior high school, and she often sneaked into the store, bringing all kinds of new books: astronomy, geography, biology... and even some masterpieces of new literature.It is said that there are also articles by Mr. Lu Xun, and there are also articles by Hu Shi.My childhood sweetheart, reading, yelling, and laughing under the lamp.Although the proprietress looked down on her, the little boss was open-minded and envious.The little boss gradually understood that this apprentice would not delay his future here for a long time.

(3) Young people celebrate their birthdays with increasing knowledge.With the lamp oil from the little boss, he taught himself all the middle school courses.Relying on Bai Zhi's encouragement, he decided to abandon business and study.Unexpectedly, chance determines life.Every Sunday, he went to the chapel to sing hymns and listen to lectures as usual, but he was deceived by the deceit that "brothers who believe in the Lord, regardless of nationality, come and rejoice hand in hand, are the same heavenly father, filial sons and daughters, and belong together as if they are in the same family". Went to study theology.He said to his young girl: "Isn't this the same as your song "All Brothers Within the World?" Both of them were very happy and thought it was much better than the little boss's "Hui Chun Tang". "Then can you still get married?" Bai Zhi asked. "Yes, even if you become a pastor." Qingsheng replied.Bai Zhi felt relieved.They walked and thought while walking on the small road in their hometown, and sang while thinking: "With a sincere heart in the love of the Lord, love each other everywhere, and the spirit of Christ is like a belt, and it fits all races and peoples." The cheerful river in the hometown carries sunshine and petals, flow through the foot of the mountain.It flows through the woods, through the "Rejuvenation Hall", through the small stone bridge and the chapel.The bells of the church float far away, the small river is far away, and the youth's birthday celebration will also go far away.They do not know what deceit there is, whether there is an abyss in the distance.

(4) The young man Qingsheng was admitted to a seminary of a famous university, helping others to copy manuscripts or doing other things outside of class, working and studying for self-help.During this period, he has been communicating with his distant girl.It is a pity that these "books from both places" were burned during the "Cultural Revolution". It is impossible to know when the two people changed their address, whether they were named "dear" or simply "dear".Just from the school annals of that famous university, Qingsheng had changed his name to "Honghu" during his university days - Zhan Honghu. (5) The little boss passed away not long ago (it was presumed to be cancer), which caused a storm: the proprietress was willing to marry her daughter to the young shopkeeper of a big pharmacy to make a living.The daughter had the former little apprentice in her heart, and she insisted on refusing to do so, which almost killed her.First, the daughter wanted to swallow the nutmeg, but luckily she swallowed the plantain seed by mistake.Later, the proprietress had a stroke and was silent. Fortunately, "Angong Niuhuang Pills" and "Ginseng Reconstituted Pills" were ready-made.Finally, I have to thank the darkness and decay of the old society. The life in my hometown is becoming more and more difficult. Not to mention the sorrows and sorrows everywhere, the people are always in dire straits. The small pharmacy is finally closed down, and the big pharmacy is in dire straits. Just as Zhan Honghu translated a few manuscripts, he gave all his proceeds to Mother and daughter, the proprietress just burst into tears, convinced that the assertion made by the young boss when he was alive was not bad. (6) Zhan Honghu received a master's degree in theology and served in a church.The economic situation improved slightly, and he insisted that his fiancée go to a big place to study further, so Bai Zhi and her mother left the small town of their hometown and came to Honghu.Soon, Zhan Honghu and Bai Zhi held a wedding ceremony in a cathedral.A foreign pastor (Zhan Honghu's teacher) asked in blunt Chinese: "Do you want him to be your husband?" The answer was: "Yes." Do you want her to be your wife? "I also said yes. Zhan Honghu began to study history again, and Bai Zhi was also admitted to the normal school. The old mother-in-law took care of the housework carefully and had a very poetic life. Regarding the covenant in the church, Honghu and his wife abided by it all their lives. It was like a shadow, and there was no dispute. Although a third party was involved later, it was their lovely son. It was just that the foreign pastor was the witness of the wedding, which caused the old couple to participate in a "Cultural Revolution". I went back to the study class and wrote several confession materials. This is a later story. (7) There is still a doubtful point to be ascertained, namely: Did Zhan Honghu also kiss Bai Zhi passionately?Once, Pastor Zhan once expressed his dissatisfaction with "the young people today are cuddling in broad daylight", and it may be inferred that he never took similar excessive actions. However, Pastor Zhan also assisted his wife in giving birth to a son. On the one hand, I feel that the evidence is insufficient. I expected that if I wanted to write a reportage for Pastor Zhan, I would undoubtedly lose something in terms of the eternal theme of love, and I could only write until it was dry and tasteless.Not poetic.One thing that can be a little fun is the kite.Pastor Zhan’s family lives in a factory-run technical school (the school tried to move them out many times, but they couldn’t find a room). There are two basketball courts in the school where kites can be flown.In the evening, the students all went home after playing ball, and the campus was spacious and quiet.That year, Mrs. Zhan was already seriously ill. She was wrapped in a blanket and sat on a wicker chair in front of the door. She looked up - Pastor Zhan was seriously flying a kite.A well-pasted sand martin, with pine branches and bats drawn on it, swayed up, and Pastor Zhan cast a line.Fluttering, fluttering, the kite dropped sharply again, and Pastor Zhan retracted another piece of string.Mrs. Zhan shouted: "Watch out for the wire, hang it up!" Suddenly, shaking, the kite rose again. "Be careful on the roof!" Mrs. Zhan said, clenching her fists.Pastor Zhan expertly pulled the string up and down, and the kite rose steadily, drifting towards the setting sun and the twilight sky.Mrs. Zhan loosened her fist.Pastor Zhan put the spool in his pocket and sat down beside his wife.The kite stood motionless like a colorful speck in the graying sky.The two old men were also motionless. The four eyes were also motionless. "How long has it been?" Mrs. Zhan said. "More than ten years," Pastor Zhan said. It was the spring of 1977. "You haven't forgotten it yet." "It's much stranger." "I thought you couldn't let it go." "Not at all." "I still like the 'Shuangfeiyan' played in my hometown." "One up and one down, one down and one up, that kind is really good." "It's made of silk." "It's best made of silk." Mrs. Zhan stared at the green grass behind the basketball hoop for a long time, and stopped talking. Pastor Zhan poured her a glass of water and told her to take the medicine. The building on the opposite side became a black wall, and the kite could not be seen. Only the white thread drawn from the pocket proved that the kite was still in the sky. A moon appeared dimly in the sky. Pastor Zhan comforted his wife and said, "Let me think about it, maybe I can make that kind of 'Shuangfeiyan'." "There are also eagle-shaped kites that we often fly when we are in our hometown, like a real eagle hovering." "That's a paper kite," Pastor Zhan corrected. "Don't be afraid of people mentioning eagles all the time." "I don't. It's really a paper kite." "You're always afraid that people will mention eagles." "I don't." "Being a man doesn't necessarily mean you have to do great things." "I know that." However, when the kite was taken back the next day, Pastor Zhan's thoughts were still hovering in the sky. Sixteen or seventeen years have passed, and Pastor Zhan still lives in the "Rat Peng House".Pastor Zhan was often troubled by this.Seeing the old Bai Zhi still mending his clothes while sustaining a serious illness, a sense of sadness arises spontaneously.He stared at the kite in a daze.He thought, he was sorry for Bai Zhi.He also thought that he could still achieve some achievements in many careers in order to repay his wife. I originally wanted to say: Pastor Zhan is more to repay the motherland and the people.However, I hesitated again: Pastor Zhan failed to achieve anything until his death, so what reason is there to praise him like this?I even wondered, should I still write reportage to him?Although I don’t know how many phone calls he sent to others during the ups and downs, and there may be some great information in them, as well as some very beneficial content for the motherland and the people, but those who are qualified to be reported by literature must be themselves. unusual.Journalists have limited film, newspapers and periodicals have limited space, TV stations have limited time, and there are limited people who happen to be called characters.By the way, it has to be a character.That is, it can't just be a person, and it can't just be a thing, it has to be a character!It matters.Separately, the former will be met with indifference, who is not human?The latter will be slapped.Together it works just fine. "Character" - whoever you say that, with conscience, no one will feel sad. However, finding a character is easier said than done!Especially if you want to write reportage.All the characters floating horizontally have been reported, and if they want to report again, they need to spend more time.I figured it would be far-sighted to report a quasi-character (that is, a seedling of a character who has not yet become a character).There is another level, as the saying goes: the troubled son is passionate, and the number one scholar is ungrateful.If you are a village girl, you should never be obsessed with the high walls of the prime minister's mansion. It is best to look under the low eaves of your own house to see if there is a drowned chicken there who is sheltering from the rain while memorizing foreign words.Of course, according to needs, the village station can be converted into a modern girl with complete morality and appearance, and then a plumber or pancake baker with comprehensive development of morality, intelligence and physical fitness.I definitely don’t want to insinuate Mrs. Zhan, because although Pastor Zhan has a master’s degree, he only passed the phone after all, and the plumber and pancake baker were both admitted to graduate school in the end.On the contrary, Mrs. Zhan has always been a primary school teacher, supported the whole family with her meager income, and has always had an unswerving affection for her husband.I'm just saying that interviewing is often similar to falling in love, and most historical experience has taught me, a low-level reporter, to be wise: it's better to go to the pigsty to find Maxima.If you don't know how to interview a known person, you will inevitably encounter a face full of question marks.You reported your first and last name, and your birthplace and astrological sign, but the other party still had the expression of "Who are you?"Only then will you experience some "unknown" sufferings.I laughed at my chess friend. I wanted to write about a famous person when I first came up. It is really "this thing loves me the most", unrequited love.Do you want to write reportage even if you do not understand the world at this level? ! I have strengthened my confidence in writing this reportage.Pastor Zhan is a quasi-person, and I still believe in it.This has nothing to do with life and death, dead people can suddenly become characters again.Such things have happened many times in ancient and modern China and abroad, so I may not be able to run into them. The year Pastor Zhan was discovered by me, with a ring of white hair surrounding a shiny head, was in his seventies.In the small room, there are stacks of yellowed notebooks and manuscript paper, stacks of dusty books and stacks of books that are not dusty.A telephone stands on the window sill facing the street, adding a lot of style to the gloomy cabin. He looked up from the pile of books spread out on the table, and took off his reading glasses with one and a half lenses. "Do you do long-distance calls? This office handles domestic long-distance calls." He said. "Excuse me, is Comrade Zhan Xiaozhou here?" After careful consideration, he got up in a hurry, came out from the piles of Cai Lun's inheritance, and held out a bone to me suspiciously: "I am. Zhan Tianyou's Zhan, small boat, it means small boat." According to people who worked with Pastor Zhan in the elementary school, Honghu and the director of academic affairs often disagreed, which may be one of the reasons for his resignation.According to the now-retired director, Zhan Honghu has always been thinking about getting a doctorate, and he is not reconciled to being just a master's boss, so he has little interest in teaching elementary schools, and he is afraid that his future will be delayed.From this, I think of another sentence in Su Shi's poems: "I always hate that this body is not mine, and when will I forget it." Maybe I can have a preliminary impression of the reason why Pastor Zhan changed his name. I visited the principal of the private primary school back then.According to the headmaster's recollection, Zhan Honghu did feel depressed and hopeless, although he was always serious about his work.On the night that Pastor Zhan left the school, the headmaster gave him a farewell party. When he was half drunk, he suddenly picked up a pen and wrote wildly, such as "recalling the ancient fortress of the eagle, cutting the tiger to the plain", and "drenched in ink, watching the dragon and snake fly down the barbarian" Note", and the last is "King remembers, Fenghou is here, fame or fame is up to heaven".The situation and the scene made the old headmaster feel a lot of emotion. Thinking about the ambition of a young man, seeing the white hair growing frequently, he burst into tears, so he agreed with Zhan Honghu to go home to study in his prime of life. "Who are you?" Pastor Zhan asked me. I reported my name frankly, and also reported the name of our small newspaper office. His hand suddenly became soft in my hand, and he slowly withdrew it, and he swallowed again and again with straight eyes, as if a pill was stuck in his throat.His neck is thin and his Adam's apple is large. "It's hard to find your place," I said. "Oh, please sit down, please sit down." He let the smile struggle on his face, but his face turned pale. I am sitting on a small wooden box. He continued to swallow, stroked his hands, and stood. I reiterated my identity again. His smile became more labored, and his lips trembled, unable to speak. I understand that my business has been done, to be precise - there is no need to proceed. This is how it goes: I am in charge of the "Praise and Criticism" column in the newspaper office. I often see the name Zhan Xiaozhou in the manuscripts. He always writes praise manuscripts. Sweeping toilets, free of charge; a certain old man, always checking whether the neighbor’s house was gas-fired, and saved three lives; a certain girl insisted on milking the neighbor’s old lady and taking out the garbage; a young salesperson in a certain optical shop , conscientiously and responsibly matched glasses for an old scholar, with an amiable attitude... and so on, there have been more than 20 articles in the past two years.About half of it was published.Unexpectedly, one published two days ago caused controversy.A letter from a comrade from the Public Security Bureau believes that "this commendation manuscript is likely to be forged," (sic) "because the 'Wei Qiming from the side gate of No. 100 Aikesiwai Street' mentioned in the article is currently serving his sentence in prison. It is impossible to provide voluntary English tutoring for the high school students in the neighborhood, please check further with the comrades of the newspaper to set the record straight.” Pastor Zhan sat blankly, with a smile remaining on the two corners of his mouth, and the wrinkles on other parts appeared old and rigid. The kettle on the stove in front of the door spewed out wisps of white gas hoarsely. For a moment I worried and wished life was still with him. A few callers stood outside the window one after another, and then put four cents on the windowsill and left. The sun was setting to the west, and some yellow light fell on Pastor Zhan's bent back.The surrounding light began to dim. I really don't know what he is planning.Noticing that his mouth wasn't tilted to one side, and his nose was still moving, I thought I'd better slip away before it was too late. Pastor Zhan suddenly said to himself: "So, there really is a street outside the Aike Temple." "Yes." I said. "There really is someone named Wei Qiming." "Yes, in prison. And Wei Qiming doesn't understand foreign languages." "Didn't you kill someone?" Pastor Zhan asked eagerly, staring at me nervously, his lips were ready to say "no", as if he was afraid that I wouldn't be able to pronounce this sound, and he was willing to help me at any time. "Not killing people," I said, "just stealing things." "That's good, that's good." He breathed a sigh of relief and nodded repeatedly. "That's good..." "How can this be all right?" I said. Pastor Zhan swallowed again and again. A few days later, I received two dollars back from Pastor Zhan.My contribution fee for this column is always two yuan per article.Some people say that this old man is very shrewd. If he is a little careless in compiling a criticism manuscript, the critics will definitely not be wronged for nothing. However, praise manuscripts are rarely so dangerous, this time it is really a coincidence.Some people also said that this old man really "has never thought about a single mistake", and he didn't need to write his name and address;But I felt awkward, thinking that it was immoral to cut off one of the old people's financial income in this way.How many phone calls does he have to make in the ups and downs to earn two yuan?People who receive tens of thousands of yuan in royalties may not have never flattered and fabricated, and made up random things. Then I received another letter from Pastor Zhan.The letter did not mention anything about the manuscript.The general idea of ​​the letter is that after he knew that I was an editor, he felt very difficult to calm down for a long time; he was really lucky to meet me; I was able to visit his humble house in person, which made him firmly believe that fate is fair.The letter quoted a lot of allusions, such as "Wen Wang Weishui visits the sages", "Han Zhuge invited Zhuge three times", "Xiao Heyue chased Han Xin" and so on, which made me feel full of ambition.At the end of the letter, he said: "I am not talented, if you don't give up, I hope to make a good relationship forever. There are too many people who have forgotten their acquaintances and helped to make great achievements. Besides, you and I are like-minded. We should work together to help the country and the people. That's the contribution." I resolved to see him again.The style of the letter is so elegant, and the words reveal lofty ambitions. The old man has a childlike innocence, and he is definitely not an ordinary person.Besides, it was the first time anyone thought highly of me.Although Pastor Zhan's words and deeds are slightly weird before and after, but weirdness is often a characteristic of characters.Generally speaking, the characters who can be printed in type are always related to the tastes of "crazy", "dull and perverse", and "not eating fireworks".This taste is a shortcoming for ordinary people, but it is an advantage for characters - great wisdom is like a fool! It was night when we went again.Pastor Zhan is leaning over his desk and waving his brush.The regular script is neat, the muscles and bones are meticulous.I wrote two poems of Qilu, which are memorized below: one of them disappeared for 30 years, and was buried in incognito. The busy city is as deep as the sea by the window, and the empty courtyard is as light as smoke by the door. A good night is accompanied by a book alone, and a boat with paper is a sail in a bad wave. If you don't break the Zen machine, you can entertain yourself in vain, and you can serve the country without going in vain. The second is the vicissitudes of life, spring is like a dream, and the sound of Xiao blows off the ancient city in autumn. Time is fleeting, people are easy to grow old, ambition is hard to reward, and meaning is hard to rest. The weak crown has read a thousand volumes and broken it, and the ancient times still hope for the four transformations. Old Ji'an abandoning himself?It is the national concern to let the gallbladder out. "Good poems, good poems," I said, "What a 'Ancient Rare Still Hopes for Four Transformations!'" Pastor Zhan extended the bone to me again, but this time he was quite awe-inspiring, like Lenin.It's probably because he just finished writing "Let Your Heart Be Worried for the Nation".That's how Lenin stretched out his hand when he said, "Forgetting the past means betrayal."We shook hands for a long time.I felt that it should be loosened a few times, but I tried, but still couldn't pull it out, so I clenched it again, shaking it up and down, left and right. The phone rang.Pastor Zhan picked up the microphone and recorded while asking.Then he said to me, "I'm really sorry, I'll come as soon as I go." He nodded and bowed, and walked out the door backwards. The door was opened before it was closed, and Pastor Zhan poked his head in: "As entrusted by the people, I have to do my best... Please wait, wait." I closed the door gently, and felt another push from outside. Pastor Zhan came in sideways again: "Don't leave, please just settle with me for dinner. No, no, no, it's a deal! There are still important things to do later. My brother asks for advice." He boarded his bicycle and quickly disappeared deep into the dark alley.I took a picture of myself on the windowpane.Brother? !I remembered that my father was not yet sixty years old, and I couldn't help but panic. An unframed ink painting hung on the wall.After carefully identifying it for a while, I still couldn't figure out whether it was a sloth or a Malayan tapir.Later, Pastor Zhan told me, "It's a little pony, and the painting is not very good." The inscription on the painting is good: the future will last forever. As I said before, there are many books in the house.I flipped through it casually, and I was already in awe, there was a whole shelf of English books!I can only recognize the names of a few authors: schopenhaur (Schopenhauer), dame (Dante), byron (Byron), sptnoza (Spinoza), dewey (Dewey), shakespear (Shakespeare), and the rest are all At a loss.Looking at another bookshelf, there are Plekhanov's "On Art" translated into Chinese, Rodin's "On Art", Hegel's and Feuerbach's "The Essence of Christianity"; "Historical Records" and "Li Sao"; hardcover "Das Kapital", "Selected Works of Lenin", "Selected Works of Mao Zedong"; paperback "Psychology", "Aesthetics", "Psychoanalysis", "Political Economy"; photocopies "Dongshu Reading Secretary", "Western Region Fanguozhi", "Southern Xinjiang Yishi", "Northern Ci Guangzhengpu"; magazines include "Philosophy Translation Series", "Music Appreciation", "Foreign Literature", "World Art" and "Football".Fortunately, there is "Football", which I can draw out and understand. At this time, a person came in, a young man. 我站起来，和他面对面站了约半分钟。然后我们同时问：“您要办长途吗？”然后都笑了，互相介绍。他说他是詹牧师的儿子。我说我是詹牧师的朋友。 “学外语来了？”詹牧师的儿子问我，态度立刻变得很不友好。 星期日早晨，詹牧师五点钟就起了床，做早点，收拾屋子。这些事平时都是詹夫人的份内，詹牧师虽已沦落为一个传电话的，但在夫人面前（也只有在夫人面前）仍不失学者风度。他又特意铺了一条新床单，抹得很平整，只等学生到来。七点半，老人便耐不住了，到门口去了望。中午十二点，老人无言地回到屋里，坐了一会儿，换下了那条新床单。幸亏儿子出去了。詹夫人悄悄地把饭菜端到他面前，说：“那个小伙子可能今天有事。”詹牧师心里这才好过了一些，说：“否则他不会不来。”然后，詹牧师病了一个多月。詹夫人劝他不要太伤心。他只承认是那天在大门口站得久了，受了风寒。詹夫人说：“那样的人，你何必？”詹牧师说：“别这样讲，那小伙子其实很好，很爱学习。” 后据詹牧师的儿子了解，那个小伙子确实是知道了詹牧师的身份，没敢来（那时詹牧师正因其历史问题而受监督）。 詹牧师的儿子以为我也是这样一个小伙子。 “不，”我说，“我是报社的记者。” 詹牧师的儿子疑惑地看了看我，便到书架旁翻腾那些书去了。他找到了一本书，立刻沉了进去。 许久，我问：“你是？” “他的儿子。”他对着书回答。 “我是说，你在哪儿工作？'” “陕西。” “回来探亲的？” “不。回来流窜，长期流窜。” “户口还在陕西？” "right." “应该想想办法，办回来。” 他抬头瞄了我一眼，说：“太费事，算了。” “可这很重要。” “你跟我爸爸的观点倒很一致。户口、文凭、证明、证件，一张张小纸片！”他忽然笑起来，把他正看着的那本书举到我眼前。是达尔文的。“是人起源于户口呢？还是户口起源于人？”他问我。 "Of course." I said. “我们家老头儿要是也能来这么一句'当然'就好了。他从来不明白，什么起源于什么。” “可是他身边应该有个亲人。” 詹牧师的儿子不说话了，一连抽了两支烟。之后他看了看表，开始从书包里往桌上掏东西：麦乳精、蜂蜜、果汁、蛋糕和几瓶药。 “告诉我爹，这些药要坚持吃，对他的肾和血压都有好处。我还有事，得走了。” “他大概就快回来了。” “劳驾。再说我们老少二位一碰头，痛快的时候少。” 他又从书架上拿了两本书，忽然飘落出两张纸来。他捡起来，看了看，“嗤嗤”地笑个不停。“你看看这个。”他把那张纸放在我面前，走了。 好像是写给谁的一封信，一看便知是詹牧师的手笔。信的开头一两页大约已经丢失，现把残余部分备忘于下：……论文的题目为《古代佛教思想的来源与发展》，一九四五年获史学硕士学位。以后两年又翻译和撰著了几本小册子，如《世界三大宗教》、《宗教与哲学》、《信仰论》等等。原计划还要写《中国思想史大纲》和《简明宗教史》等，均因题目较大，所需资料一时难以具备，又逢内战，生计艰难，此计划一直未能完成。 解放后，因加强了政治思想学习，遂改变原来计划，转向马列主义、毛泽东思想研究，大有收益。后又经农场劳动锻炼，搞通了思想，自动退出宗教团体，努力追求进步。不料，正当可以为社会主义祖国贡献力量之际。我患了风湿病，不得不回家疗养。一病多年。养病期间，我仍坚持学习、研究。研究范围：①马列主义、毛泽东思想；②革命史传；③心理学及教育学；④文学艺术。（写过一些革命诗歌，手稿均于“文革”中烧毁。） 因我早年曾走过一段弯路（做过牧师，并与一些外国人有过交往），“文革”中被隔离审查过一年多。住过牛棚。后经内查外调，弄清了历史，确认我没有任何政治问题。之后又参加了清理阶级队伍学习班，从事人防建设。学习班毕业后，我决心做个真正的劳动人民，经街道居委会推荐，当了六年临时壮工。尽管工作繁忙，业余时间我仍发扬雷锋的钉子精神，读书看报、学习、钻研。“四人帮”被粉碎后，我和全国人民一样，感到欢欣鼓舞。（我参加了庆祝游行，我背着一面大鼓，走了三十多里路。）我深深感到…… ……我的思想更为活跃，对四化问题，深入实际，调查研究，初步拟就了全面规划，成竹在胸，切实可行。然则报国无径，献策无门，谛恐古稀将近，时日不待，一旦逝去，遗恨无穷。无奈毛遂自荐，为国为民，甘作犬马，荣辱毁誉。置之度外。如蒙先生引路，得以有所作为，功成之日，死亦瞑目！ 此颂撰祺詹小舟上（年月日缺） 由“撰祺”二字推断，此信是写给某位操笔墨以为生涯者的，又由“先生”二字可见，还是一位大著作家呢！可是连我也被称为“老弟”，“先生”云云。是否也盖出于谦逊，就又难说了。 信的空白处有许多稚拙的童体字，还有许多小小的油手印儿。我后来设想是这样：灯下，詹牧师哄着孙子，教孙子写字，写了歪歪扭扭的“风筝”，又写一行扭扭歪歪的“春天来了”。孙子不听话，闹，詹牧师给了他一些油炸的食品……。那么就是说，此信是在七九年詹夫人去世之前写的。詹夫人死后，孙子就送到姥姥家去了。 信中存在两个问题。一是“住过牛棚”，现今，很多人都自称住过牛棚，仿佛是一件难能可贵的行为。这倒无妨。可是，人住了牛棚，牛住在哪儿呢？二是，詹牧师是自动退职的呢？（见注二）还是因患风湿病回家疗养的？ 只是当没有公职便意味着有某种严重问题这一逻辑风行了之后、詹牧师才格外地强调了他的风湿病，坚持说自己是因为有病而国家疗养的。为了证明这一点，他常到人多的地方去晒太阳。见到他的人不免要问：“您这是干嘛呢？”他便有机会回答：“我的风湿病很厉害，大夫建议我多晒太阳。”有一个夏天的中午，他又去晒太阳，天很热，太阳又很毒，人都躲到屋里去了。詹牧师晒了许久，不见一个人来问，又心疼失去的时间，就此回去很不甘心，于是再晒，结果晒过了头，中了暑。儿子又说怪话。詹夫人又说詹牧师不是那种…… 詹牧师回来的时候已经九点半钟了。他买了酒和肉，买了包子和好烟，从提兜里—一掏出，抱怨商店都关门太早，买不到更好的东西招待我。无论我说多少遍“我已经吃过晚饭了”，他还是说：“吃吧，不要客气。”我只好坐下来。 我们的友谊开始于这天晚上。时间是：一九八一年四月七日。 中集现在仔细回味，觉出，詹牧师之所以非常看重同我的友谊，也是有所图的。其实这无可厚非。有目的的功利主义总比莫名其妙的扯皮主义要好。贪嘴的人希望认识大师傅，好穿的人愿意结交老裁缝，有病的人巴望与大夫套近乎，将死的人乐于同看坟的论交情，都很正常。况且詹牧师的目的也并非不可告人，他只是估摸我或许在出版界有点路子，说不定能帮忙他发表一点作品。 詹牧师想创作一些“黑色幽默派”小说。他反复申明，他所以这样做，绝不是因为他多么称赞这一流派，更绝不是出于派性。 后一点是相当可信的。詹牧师历来有“信主兄弟不分国旅，同来携手欢欣”的思想，这一思想固然愚昧而又缺乏阶级分析，但与派性却实在水火难容。解放初期，他甚至为这种思想找到过理论根据。根据有三：①工人阶级没有祖国（即不分国度）；②民族矛盾说到底是阶级矛盾（那么同是受苦受难的芸芸众生，显然是不该有民族之分的）；③全世界无产者联合起来，我们打碎的是脚镣手铐，得到的是整个世界（相当于“同来携手欢欣”）。这些言论在“文革”中都被列为他的罪证。这实在也是一桩冤案。其实詹牧师早于五十年代中期。就已认识到了他上述思想的错误。他对基督教有过三点犀利的批判：①主是伪善的。“信主兄弟……契合在主爱中……携手欢欣”，这是不是说“只有你信主，主才爱你，如果你不信主，主就不管你的死活？多么狭隘的派性！简直有“顺我者昌，逆我者亡”的味道。②主是骗人的。主既然一向宣称，他上十字架去受苦受难只是为了救世救民，那又为什么要“普天之下，万族万民，俱当向主欢呼颂扬”呢？这不是一种讨价还价的行为么？假如“万族万民”不去“向主欢呼颂扬”，主是即刻暴跳如雷呢，还是依然任劳任怨地去救世救民呢？③主是愚昧的。主竟认为仅凭他自己的神通就可拯救万族万民，可是只一个犹大便把他出卖了，而且只卖了三十块银币。如果主能够依靠万族万民，一个犹太岂能得逞？综上三点，詹牧师才毅然决然地退出了教会。他认为，宗派帮会只能使人虚伪、狭隘、愚昧，如果你相信善良可以战胜邪恶，相信真理，同时相信你的理想符合真理，那又为什么非得加人教会不可呢？让真理去指引你，比让教规来约束你要好得多。于是詹牧师更加信仰马列主义了，原因也有三：①马列主义是主张科学的，而不是主张迷信的；②马列主义从来只讲为人民服务，而绝不要求人民“俱当”跪倒在其面前“欢呼颂扬”；③马列主义是靠真理来团结人民的，而不是依靠结帮拉派来稳固自己的统治。“这就是马列主义伟大于任何宗教的原因！”詹牧师说。 所以读者可以相信，詹牧师只是想写几篇“黑色幽默派”小说，绝不是想拉帮结派乱我公安。其动机之纯粹，我愿以头作保。 “我有些作品要发。”詹牧师羞怯地低声说。 “哦？在哪家刊物上？” “不不不，我是说……”他的脸红到了耳根。 当时我又在詹牧师家吃午饭，不过这次是我买的酒和菜。编辑愿意结交作者，正如作者愿意结交编辑一样，彼此彼此。 我明白了他的意思。让一个老知识分子照直开口求人，是“难于上青天”的。 “什么体裁？” “小说！”他连忙说。 “能大概讲一讲吗？” “嗯……你了解黑色幽默派'吗？” 我一时只想起了海勒的，和一个叫小伏尼格的人。 “不——！”詹牧师宽厚地笑了：“'黑色幽默派'绝不是外国人的发明。不要长他人志气，灭自家威风嘛。你以为中没有'黑色幽默'吗？你不觉得鲁迅也是一位'黑色幽默派'大师吗？阿Ｑ的处境怎么样？不正是又可怕又可笑又无可奈何吗？” “就像中国的围棋，”他又说，“被日本人学了去，倒又反过来向我们趾高气扬。” “吃吧。”我只得指着桌上的小腊肠说。 “啪！上来就在中央布一子，谁的发明？” "Of course." I said.真的，到底是谁的发明呢？ “世界上最短的微型小说是哪国人写的？” “当然。”我吃了一片小腊肠。 “世界上最早发现飞碟的是哪国人？” "Of course, of course." “世界上最小的小提琴还不也是中国人造的？！” “吃吧，吃吧。”我给詹牧师也夹了一片小腊肠。我不懂乐器的制造。 “针灸是中国人发明的，这总是公认的吧？可如果我们再不认真研究，早晚美国人也要来指教我们了。” “中餐也是比西餐好，连外国人也承认。”我对烹调挺内行。 “'黑色幽默'也面临这个问题。吴敬梓不知要比小伏尼格大几辈儿呢！当然，我们不妨大度些，就算那是美国人的首创吧。我从来不主张纠缠历史旧帐。但外国人办不到的事，中国人可以办到，何况外国人已经办到了的呢？中国人更没有理由不办到。我想起写'黑色幽默派'小说来。也就是为的这个。” "OK?" “信心告诉你主是什么，主就是什么。” 在我们的交往中，这是詹牧师唯—一次主动提到主。 “那么主是'黑色幽默'的了？”我说。 他顿时愣住，尴尬地吃了一片腊肠，接着又吃了两片。 我赶紧说：“我不过开开玩笑。” 他疑虑地瞅了我一会，说：“我也不过打个比方。”他又看看窗外，小声提醒我：“咱们这是在屋里说。” “信心当然是重要的。”我说。 “很重要！而且'黑色幽默'有什么难作呢？总共两个特点——黑色和幽默。也就是让人既感到可怕又感到可笑。这难吗？笑话！外国人不过是故弄玄虚，而我们有真实的生活素材。” “能讲一个吗？” 詹牧师恩忖片刻，讲了一个，备忘于下：“文革”中，王某出差到某地，刚下火车就被一群手持牛皮带、臂佩红袖章的人揪了出来。那群人问：“你是保县党委的，还是反县党委？”王某听他们把“保”排在前面，就说：“保。”不料那群人正是反县党委的一派，于是王某被追着打了十皮带。王某跑出车站，立足未稳，又被一群臂佩红袖章、手持牛皮带的人抓到。“你是保县党委的，还是反县党委的？”王某慌忙说后一种：“反！”是他又被追着打了十皮带，原来那又是保县党委的一派。王某想：这地方真怪，说话也没个前后次序。他连忙返回车站，决定趁早离开这是非之地。转眼之间，他又被一群人围住。“你是什么观点的？”“真抱歉，我现在还不太清楚。”王某立刻又挨了十几皮带。“我只是还不太清楚！”王某申辩道。“没有正确的政治观点，就等于没有灵魂。你没有灵魂，自然只好触及你的皮肉了！”那群人这样向王某解释。王某挨了三十皮带，清醒了，把自己的皮带解下来握在手里，大摇大摆上了列车。一上车，他先揪出一个人来，问：“你是哪一派？”那人对答如流：“我们是同一战壕里的战友。”王某想了想，说：“这很好。”于是一路平安地回到了家。 “很不错的一篇'黑色幽默派'小说。”我说。 “不，这不行，”詹牧师说，“这是真事。” “真事倒不行？” “因为我是想写'黑色幽默派'的小说，不是要写现实主义的。” 我当时还不太懂“黑色幽默派”的规矩。 “我总想，”詹牧师又说，“'黑色幽默'绝不是资产阶级的专利品，我们一定要做起来，使它成为革命的匕首和投枪，像鲁迅先生那样。试问：谁感到的恐怖更多些？劳苦大众！谁最富于机智的幽默感？还是劳苦大众！我们有什么理由在这方面落后于外国资产阶级作家呢？看到在很多学术领域中都是他们领先，我咽不下这。气。我涉足过数、理、化，但那需要设备；我又想搞音乐，但一架钢琴又太贵；我也试图钻研美术，可屋子太小，而《蒙娜丽沙》、《格尔尼卡》那样的画都是很大的。医学也需要有人找你看病，企业管理也需要有人归你管理，搞教育吧？唉……”詹牧师说到伤心处，太阳穴上的血管都在暴涨。 “您干嘛——请您原谅，干嘛不继续研究宗教和哲学呢？”我说。 “不不，咱们这是在屋子里说……当然啦！可是……不过……说起来……你懂了吗？我是说，咱们这是在屋子里说。” 我似懂非懂地点了点头。 我们吃了一会菜，又喝了一点果子酒。詹牧师的脸色才又红润起来。 “所以，”他说，“我探索了这么多年，现在才弄清楚我的所长。我更适合于从事文学创作。文学，有生活就行，而生活是无处不在的，而且很公平——每人一份。近两年，我专门找一些外国人在其中自鸣得意的领域进行研究、尝试。譬如：意识流、荒诞派、新小说派、象征主义、存在主义、表现主义，等等，我都试着写过。并不难。我只是想证明一点：外国人能做到的，我们也能够做到。” “能看看吗？” “怎么不能？”詹牧师说着就要搬一只很大的箱子，一在下面那只箱子里。“没关系，防空洞我都挖过，那些水泥构件比这要沉多了。” “手头没有吗？” “有倒是有几篇，不过不是我最满意的。” 现将他不太满意的几篇介绍于下：（一）“新小说派”小说（节选） 很长很长的一串脚印，不知从哪儿发源。很长很长的泥泞的路，依然流向远方。天际，飘着一缕零乱的炊烟，那儿或许有个村落，有了人家。候鸟在天空中仓惶飞过，从不落下来。这儿没有它们落脚的地方。它们的羽毛娇嫩得像花瓣，像小时候常吃的那种棉花糖。旗帜还在手里，还在猎猎地飘展，认真地抖响着一个个坚强的音阶。鞋子烂了，“嘎唧”一声，留在了路上，像是长河中的一座航标。那缕零乱的炊烟还是很远，在天地相交的地方飘舞，和很久很久以前一样。秃鹫在头顶上盘旋，转着发红的眼睛，忽然一个俯冲，冲向一头倒下去的驯鹿。旗帜还在手里，确实还在。又烂了一只鞋子，又留下了一座航标…… （二）“象征主义”小说《石头船》（节选） 老头儿一有空就拿着锤子和凿于，爬到海边那块巨大的岩石上去，“叮叮噹噹”地凿，想凿成一条船。 孩子又爬上来，乖乖地坐在老头儿身边。 “您干嘛不做一条木头船？”孩子问。 “我没有木头。”老头儿回答。 “别人都是做木头船。” “别人是别人。” 老头儿一下一下地凿，正凿出一只舵。 “可这也不能下水去走哇？” “我没有木头。” ... 如今石头船凿好了，老头儿在船舱里坐着，闭着眼睛抽烟。 孩子又爬上来。 “嗬！”孩子说。 “你坐下，闭上眼睛。”老头儿说。 "what?" “你闭上吧。” 孩子闭上了眼睛。 “你觉得船在晃吗？”老头儿问。 “是有点儿。” “你觉出它在走了吗？” “嗯！真的！它在往哪儿走哇？” “你的心告诉你在往哪儿走，就是在往哪儿走。” “我去告诉他们，您不是疯老头儿。” 老头儿笑了，对孩子说：“别去，别人有木头。” （三）“意识流”小说《排骨》（节选） 老伴儿提起菜篮，对他说：“我去排会儿队，说不定能买上。” 他说：“算啦，我不那么喜欢吃排骨了。” 皮肤上有了很多老人斑，排骨在里面滚动，应该在它们变成一盒白色的骨