Chapter 10 How obstinate our hearts are - Chapter 8-2

I talked more and more vigorously. They were surprised at first, but then they didn't care, and gradually got used to it.In those few years, I started to become a little bit of a mouthful.I use glib to cover up the shady thoughts in my heart.To be honest, I was not such a person at first, but for some reason, I changed unconsciously, and gradually I couldn't control my mouth.I kept making fun of Ah Yan, at the beginning, I just talked about it behind my back, but soon it developed to the same way in front of Yu Yuqiang and Xiaoyu. Finally Ah Yan couldn't take it anymore, one night before going to bed, she said very seriously:

"Fourth, stop talking nonsense from now on, okay?" "What did you say?" "What do you say, you don't know?" "What do I know?" I pretended to be a little bit aggrieved. Ah Yan said: "Now you are crazy at every turn, you come when you open your mouth, you just open your mouth, you know, some words are too much." "What words are too much?" "What is too much, you should know!" "Know what, you always say I know, I don't know anything." "Okay, fourth, tell me the truth, do you have any confused thoughts about Xiaoyu?" A Yan suddenly changed the subject and asked me directly, "You tell the truth, let me tell you, Don't make fun of me all day long, use me as a shield, I'm not stupid, I've seen it all."

I didn't expect such a sudden change in topic.I didn't expect that the topic would suddenly go straight in this direction.For so many years, Ah Yan never mentioned Xiaoyu in front of me. This seems to be a sensitive forbidden zone. She avoided it intentionally or unintentionally, as if she never knew what was going on.She is obviously suspicious, but because I have never had any evidence, and I have never told her the truth, everyone is tacit.To be honest, the more she avoided, the happier I was.This is a good thing that I can't wait for. Since there is no reason to fall into her hands, I have long been prepared to firmly deny it.How many years have passed, and there has been no incident. I didn't expect that she would suddenly mention this matter today. I was a little surprised and didn't know how to react.

Ah Yan said, "Why don't you talk?" I said, "What shall I say?" "Honestly." "What do you mean, I'm being interrogated instead, hey, why are you?" I continued to look aggrieved, "Is there a mistake, I have an affair with my godson, and I am suspicious of him instead." "Don't be too boring, okay!" "I'm bored?" "You're just bored." I know that at this time, the best way is to use offense as defense, so I said leisurely to Ah Yan: "I understand, do you want me to have an affair with Xiaoyu, and everyone should be ashamed. , the matter between you and your godson is justified, and you won't feel sorry for it. How good it is, what a wishful thinking, the fat and water don't flow to outsiders' fields, if you want to mess around, you can mess around with your own family, how good it is, isn't it? "

Ah Yan's face turned blue immediately, and she said that you are such a shameless bastard, you are so shameless, she felt dirty in her heart, and felt that everyone else was as nasty as you.She said the fourth child, I have a clear conscience, I don't have any such thoughts in my heart now.Ah Yan said, I will never do anything wrong to your fourth child again, you don't need to be suspicious at all.I acted like I didn't care, and smiled very frankly.This is the first time she has publicly admitted that she is sorry for my fourth child.In the past, I forced her to admit her mistake, but she refused to admit it. Now I don't force her, but she admits her mistake voluntarily.With my smile, her face turned from blue to red, so red that it turned purple.

So I said with a hippie smile, if you are with someone else, to be honest, I won’t agree.Ah Yan's face was ugly again, she gritted her teeth and said, you'd better take care of yourself, think about it, what face do you have to speak up about others, what qualifications do you have to speak up about others.I smiled and said, just don't worry, I won't use Xiaoyu's brains, how could I get your wife's idea, how dare I, I am timid and big-hearted, and you want to sleep with your godson , just, don't be embarrassed, I will never object, the fourth child has this temperament.

We broke up that night and we all pretended to be asleep when none of us really fell asleep.Ah Yan tossed and turned on the bed for over an hour.Feeling sleepless, I reached out and tried to touch her.Ah Yan kept hitting my hand, rejecting my temptation.Later, I finally got into her bed.Ah Yan never really rejected me, she would not refuse the obligation of being a wife, but she only fulfilled an obligation.After it was over, we all felt dull, and we all felt a greater loss.Then, still unable to sleep, I lay there thinking wildly, letting the wild horse of thought run wild.I imagined the scene of Ah Yan and Yu Yuqiang together, Ah Yan is tall and big, Yu Yuqiang is thin and small, it will be a very interesting picture for these two people to meet on the battlefield.Ah Yan is like a tractor with great horsepower. It is not an easy task to start this huge machine and let it plow happily on the endless fields.In front of such a machine, a man would often be helpless and feel embarrassed that he could not control it. Perhaps, some people were born familiar with the performance of this kind of machine, some were born to be mechanics, and some were born to be masters at riding strong horses.A key can open a lock, maybe Ah Yan likes a little man like Yu Yuqiang.

I suddenly thought of Xiaoyu. Since she married Yu Yuqiang, my fourth child has never thought about her.To be honest, I seem to have almost forgotten her.My heart seems to be a pool of stagnant water, and I can't make any more waves.I imagined what would happen to Xiaoyu and Yu Yuqiang, and imagined their scene in bed.Young couples can tell that there is disharmony at the first glance, that there are knots at the first glance, and that there are many problems at the first glance.Ah Yan sometimes asks Xiaoyu about Yu Yuqiang's recent situation, and Xiaoyu immediately bursts out of anger, immediately complains to the bone, and immediately becomes an out-and-out resentful woman.For an irresponsible man like Yu Yuqiang, Xiaoyu has nothing to do with him.

To say that the relationship between the four of us is indeed too chaotic, I imagined what kind of spectacular scene it would be if the four of us fought together.I have fantasized about such a day more than once.Matters between men and women, in the final analysis, are like this. If everyone is shameless, there is no shame to be had.If everyone is going all out, they really are going all out.Thinking about it, I had a lot of thoughts, I was not a little excited, but felt a greater loss, neither obscene nor interesting.I couldn't control my random thoughts, so I had to let the wild horse of my thoughts continue to gallop in the dark night, roaming aimlessly between the endless world.It was already very late at night, and Ah Yan didn't move at all, and I knew she wasn't asleep either.I guess she must be just like me, thinking wildly.

I suddenly thought of what I looked like when I first met Xiaoyu. At that time, she was a rural girl under the age of eighteen, wearing a bright red dress, sitting on a small stool picking vegetables, and had a bright smile.In a blink of an eye, even Xiaoyu was in his early thirties, and even Xiaoyu was no longer young.In a blink of an eye, under the burden of life, that childish girl Xiaoyu has become a wife, a mother, and an out-and-out resentful wife.I naturally thought of those ridiculous days long gone, and of the affairs I had experienced.I can't forget those most beautiful years. After a busy day's work, it was finally time for supper, and a large table of girls sat around, chatting and laughing.I sat beaming among the girls as if I were sitting in the winter sun, and it was a golden age, it was a ecstasy.The girls were all cute, and all of them became prey in the hands of the fourth brother.I liked them and chased them, and they liked me too, loved being chased, and were more than happy to be the fourth's trophy.When I think that those beautiful scenery are no longer there, when I think that those old dreams can no longer be revisited, I can still feel a great sense of accomplishment, and feel that my life has not been in vain.

After fifty, I had no career to speak of, no ambitions of any kind.When the store just closed down, I often thought of making a comeback and trying to work hard again.It soon became clear that there would never be such a day again, that the days of being the boss were over.This era no longer belongs to my fourth child, I have been eliminated.I started working under Feng Rui, he was the big boss, and I was just a guy under him. Feng Rui is now a well-known big boss. The Seafood City he opened is famous in this city. He has hired a group of Cantonese-speaking chefs to serve Chaozhou cuisine, and he specializes in serving celebrities from all walks of life in this city.In today's fashionable words, it is an aircraft carrier-class seafood city.Due to the different cuisines, I worked there. Feng Rui said that I was overqualified, but the actual situation was that he took me in for the sake of his old classmates and gave my fourth child a chance to eat.In the past, if I lowered my head to beg him, the fourth child would not agree to life or death. I felt that I was better than him in all aspects, able to fight, smarter and more beautiful than him, and I couldn't even write with my own hand. better than him.To be honest, when I was with him, I was always a little bit unconvinced. I always felt that he was doing well because of his family background and because he was born with high-ranking talents. Ah Yan knew that I was jealous, and she knew that my jealousy had something to do with Feng Rui's pursuit of her back then.She knew I had this pimple all the time.A man's success is the best aphrodisiac, and a successful man is naturally attractive.Ah Yan's eyes lit up when she mentioned Feng Rui, and she used Feng Rui's words to teach me insincerely, and she used Feng Rui's point of view to prove how wrong I was.She is a woman who is not very good at hiding her emotions. She knows that some words are very unpleasant to me, and she knows that I will be jealous, but she can't help but repeat it over and over again.What I can't stand the most is that she still likes to complain to Feng Rui, and once she complains, she can't stop.Ah Yan is always worried about her future livelihood now, because in this family, she is the only one who has a fixed income, and only she has a retirement salary.People of our generation are bound by traditional thinking, and in the final analysis, we still only believe in iron rice bowls. I lost my job because I was in prison. Xiaoyu and Yu Yuqiang have never had a formal and fixed job. Thinking of these, Ah Yan feels uneasy . In the blink of an eye, several years have passed since turning fifty, and when the new century was about to enter, Ah Yan suddenly fell ill.The disease came as soon as it was said, and it was very serious.She always felt uncomfortable in her left breast. She went to the hospital for examination and found a lump. The final diagnosis was breast cancer.This result shocked everyone. Ah Yan never got sick. She seldom catches a cold. She lived to be in her fifties. Except for the time she gave birth and was hospitalized, she almost never had to deal with the hospital.Although I found out immediately and the doctor thought the operation was going well, I still felt very scared and felt restless. After all, this is cancer, after all, this is the most dangerous disease.Ah Yan didn't expect the situation to be like this, she began to worry about the future, she began to worry endlessly, and began to repeat countless times: "What should I do in the future? In case something happens to me, what will Xiaopeng do? What will Xiaopeng do in the future? I am most worried about this grandson. According to my thinking, my grandson must let him study hard. We must let him find a good job in the future, not like you." Whether it is to Feng Rui or to us, Ayan has to repeatedly talk about her plans for Xiaopeng's future.Now what she thinks about most is this precious grandson, and she is always worrying about it.She was always thinking about how to buy insurance for Xiaopeng, how to hire a tutor for him, and how to let him go to a good key middle school.In Ah Yan's mind, the most important thing in this family is no longer her health, nor the future of our husband and wife, but Xiaopeng's distant and unpredictable future.For someone who had had a cancer removed, such excessive worry was a distraction, effectively a red herring, and in the doctor's opinion, cranky thinking wasn't necessarily a bad thing.People have to think about things that have nothing to do with themselves to relieve the pressure of life.People will be cranky when they are alive, and once they get sick, they will be even more cranky. Ah Yan is willing to worry about these things all day long, no one can persuade her, no one needs to care about her, what is a sickness, this is an out-and-out sickness.She was not only talking to us, but also talking to Feng Rui endlessly.Now, if there is any difficulty, she will definitely think of Feng Rui first. Feng Rui is her savior, her living bodhisattva who saves suffering.Feng Rui became the most capable person in her mind.Even I couldn't figure out why Ah Yan did this, Feng Rui felt even more puzzled.For a while, he was very concerned about Ah Yan's condition.Feng Rui didn't know the real situation of our family very well, but felt that the relationship between each other was a bit funny.He didn't understand why Ah Yan liked Xiaopeng so much, and why she talked about this grandson who had no blood relationship with him all day long. At that time, I was placed in a position that was almost the team leader of the chef, because I couldn’t cook Cantonese cuisine, and I didn’t understand Cantonese, so the guys recruited from Cantonese in Seafood City didn’t take me seriously at all.In order to make these people respect me, Feng Rui will deliberately give me a chance to show my face from time to time. He wants to let others know that my fourth child's craftsmanship is actually not simple. Anyway, my fourth child was also a famous chef.Occasionally when I feel happy, Feng Rui will come directly to the kitchen behind and ask for my dishes.As for me, I quickly seized this opportunity and tried my best to prove myself. After Feng Rui ate my food, he couldn't help but sigh: "Right now, I eat seafood all the time. Only your food can remind me of the past. Let me tell you, my fourth son, nothing tastes good now." Feng Rui is now the real big boss, no one knows how much property he has.Although in front of me, he is very Pay attention to proportions, never put on airs, and show that you have an unusual friendship with me everywhere, but as long as a person lives to that extent, he will naturally have that prestige, and he will naturally have a sense of domineering.Feng Rui is now not only the big boss of Seafood City, but also has many investments that others have never heard of, so as soon as he appears, others' eyes will be completely different.It was a kind of envy from the bottom of my heart, and it was a kind of admiration from the bottom of my heart.The unrestrained and unrestrained style displayed by Feng Rui is truly unrestrained.One day, when he was about to leave work, he came again and asked me to cook two dishes, and then asked me to drink beer with him.I know that he is deliberately trying to give me face in front of everyone.He is the chairman and general manager. People here, whoever mentions him is like mentioning God. Being able to drink with him is not the treatment that everyone can have. After two glasses of wine, Feng Rui asked me: "Fourth, what happened to your godson, why was he arrested?" As soon as he said that, I knew that Ah Yan had looked for him.I knew that when something like this happened, Ah Yan could only look for him.I told Feng Rui that Yu Yuqiang didn't study well, didn't live a good life, and even got involved with the underworld. Feng Rui said: "Underworld? What kind of bullshit underworld is that? Just a few gangsters." "I know." "what do you know?" "This kid is not very promising." I know that no matter how hard Yu Yuqiang is, he will at most be a punk.I know that Yu Yuqiang was born to cause trouble for others.I know that Yu Yuqiang can only do those embarrassing things. "Fourth, I really don't understand, how could you have such a godson?" I have nothing to say. Feng Rui said: "Should I help you with this, fourth child, please tell me a word." "If you can help, of course I will." I thought that since Ah Yan had already approached Feng Rui, she must have begged him for mercy. Of course I had to keep the same attitude as her, and said ambiguously, "How to say, he is also Ah Yan's godson." Feng Rui said: "Why do I feel awkward when I hear the words godson?" To be honest, I also feel awkward.To be honest, I really don't want Feng Rui to get involved in this matter.Yu Yuqiang is a lazy boy, and he will get into trouble sooner or later.He hangs around outside all day long, doesn't do any serious work, and can't bear any hardships. He only knows how to curry favor with rich women, only knows how to trick rich women, and only knows how to use the brains of rich women.Xiaoyu was arguing with him at the beginning, but at the end of the quarrel, he just let him go, because he is not the kind of man who cares about his family at all, and he doesn't make sense at all. If you stare at him and argue, he simply runs outside not coming back.The young couple had divorced more than once, and there was nothing to do after arguing, because others disappeared at every turn.Xiaoyu can only complain to Ah Yan, and Ah Yan will put on a straight face and say a few words about Yu Yuqiang when she has the opportunity, but she just said it.This time the disaster was even worse. Because he had not paid the gambling debts owed to others, and the creditors were chasing after him for money, he and two gangsters ransacked a wealthy female friend who was acquainted with him. In the end, Yu Yuqiang was sentenced to three years in prison after finding acquaintances through Feng Rui and saying hello.Feng Rui said that even if it was minor, he would not be wronged if he was sentenced to ten years for robbery with a knife. Before Ah Yan entered the operating room, she held my hand tightly and didn't speak for a long time.When I came out of the operating room, I went up to greet her, but she still held my hand tightly and didn't speak.I said don't be nervous, the doctor said that your condition is very good, the doctor said that you will never have any problems.Ah Yan was still a little nervous, her eyes were a little indifferent, she looked at me blankly, as if she had a lot to tell me.I was quite frightened by her expression. In my impression, she has always been a very strong woman who has experienced all kinds of scenes, so I wonder if she has some bad premonition, or when she was operated on. , what the doctor said to her.I reassured her that among the cancers, her breast cancer was the lightest one and the easiest to treat.I said, don't think wildly, don't have too much mental burden, and think about it. Xiaoyu was waiting outside. We went to the ward with the stretcher and moved her to the bed with the nurse. Then the nurse left, then the doctor came again, and then the doctor left again.Ayan looked at me, then at Xiaoyu, her eyes were full of melancholy.Her face was flushed, probably because of the operation she had just had. I comforted Ah Yan, smiled and said: "You look good." Ah Yan still did not speak. I said, "Really don't be nervous, it's fine." Ah Yan bit her lip for a long time, and finally spoke: "What if it is transferred?" "There is no such case." "I mean just in case." "It's nothing in case." "What if?" I laughed and said that you are having trouble with the doctor. The doctor said no, but no.If you don't believe the doctor's words, who else can you trust?The doctor said that you are absolutely fine. If you say you are fine, you are fine. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Xiaoyu.But this little fish didn't say a word by the side, she is really a heartless woman, at this critical moment, if she has nothing to say, she should find a few enlightening and comforting words, but she just He said nothing, and his face was stern.God knows what she was thinking at the time. A year later, when Ayan talked about Xiaoyu's expression at that time, she also said that she was completely confused by her, thinking that she had heard some bad hints from the doctor. Ah Yan said: "I've been thinking about whether you guys have something to hide from me." Ah Yan added: "During the operation, I heard the doctors discussing something from a distance. I heard them sighing, but I couldn't make out what they were saying." Sick people always care about what doctors and nurses say. When Ah Yan was lying on the operating table, she heard the nurses discussing. The two nurses who are not very young are packing up the surgical instruments while reminiscing about what they did yesterday. that surgery.A patient died on the operating table because of his serious illness. Perhaps it was because he had seen too much, and it was not surprising. The nurse talked about it in a very ordinary voice.Ah Yan felt a burst of terror when she heard this, and then the doctor who performed the operation came, and pressed her hands on Ah Yan's breasts that were about to be cut off, and then went to the side to talk, just chatting and talking, saying nothing. long time.The topic the doctor talked about seemed to be related to Ah Yan, and it seemed to have nothing to do with it at all. Anyway, she was just lying on the operating table, as if she had been forgotten. The smell of medicine in the operating room became stronger and stronger, and she became more and more nervous. After the operation, when I first came back to the ward, there was a moment of chaos. The patient in the next bed came over and talked to Ah Yan for a long time, and the patients in other wards also came to visit Ah Yan one after another, comforting her and telling her various precautions.People came one after another, and they all left one after another. The ward gradually quieted down, Xiaoyu left, and when only Ayan and I were left, I asked her if the wound hurt, maybe it was The reason why the anesthetic medicine has not expired, she replied that it doesn't hurt too much.I watched her eyes twinkle and asked her what she was thinking, but at this moment Ah Yan would suddenly think about Xiaopeng again. She told me quietly that her grandson Xiaopeng was the most worried about her now. "It's hard to tell about cancer. Doctors can't tell the truth," she said weakly. "Xiaopeng is going to be admitted to middle school soon. What if he doesn't pass the exam?" I said: "Why do you always think about what happens, what happens, what happens all day long." "Thinking that if something goes wrong, for example, if I get this disease, isn't it only one in ten thousand? Isn't that just in case?" I asked Ah Yeon to think about the other patients in the hospital.In the tumor hospital, there are cancer patients everywhere. Compared with other critically ill patients, she is simply too lucky.I know it's wrong to compare other people's misfortunes, but it's obviously one of the most effective ways to comfort others.Ah Yan said that she also knew that her illness might be nothing compared to others.Since breast cancer is the easiest cancer to cure, she certainly knows that she should think about the good. However, when people think about the good, it does not mean that they will not think about the bad.Ah Yan said that she found that she really couldn't get sick, once she got sick, once she was admitted to the hospital, it was a very serious illness and there would be serious consequences.The last time she was admitted to the hospital was due to dystocia, and she lost the chance to give birth since then. This is the second time in her life that she was hospitalized. As soon as she was admitted, she felt a fear of spinning around at the gate of hell. The atmosphere of this hospital is too easy to leave a tragic impression on Ah Yan. Ah Yan said, fourth child, this hospital is really not a place for people to stay. I have only been here for a few days, and several people die every day. I feel uncomfortable when I hear someone crying.I know people die every day, I know people die every day, but too many people die in this hospital, I always feel someone crying in my ears, listen, listen, it seems that there are still people crying .Just think about it, the night I first moved in, a female patient with pancreatic cancer tied a rope to the curtain track, just He hanged himself so alive.In the middle of the night, who would have thought that this would happen, the whole ward was terrified by her.I know you already know about it, I've told you about it, and you think how horrible and terrible it is. I said why do you think so, I said why do you think about this, you should think about how good your physique is, you are not sick at ordinary times, you never take any medicine, if you feel uncomfortable now, you have some minor ailment.Any kind of medicine is very useful.In the first few days when Ah Yan had the operation, I was always with me every night. Xiaoyu wanted to replace me, but I refused, because I was always worried.How many days in a row, I just sat on a square stool like this, so tired, I lay down on the bed and took a nap.Ah Yan said, you don’t need to accompany me every day, I can do without anyone at night, if I need to go to the toilet, I can call the nurse, and I can get up by myself, you can see that my walking is not in the way at all, I really don’t need to accompany you at night . For experienced doctors, this is really not a major operation. For nurses, it is no big deal if there is no one to accompany them after this operation.But to be honest, during those few days, I didn't want to be separated from Ah Yeon.I found that Ah Yan also wanted me to be with her in her heart. Ah Yan knew what I was thinking and said, "Fourth brother, are you a little scared? Are you afraid of losing me?" I said, "You'll be fine." "What I said is that you are afraid that something will happen to me." So I confessed that I was really a little scared, I was actually very scared, because I couldn't imagine what would happen without her. "Fourth, if there were any accidents in the past few years, I'm not worried at all." A Yan knew what I was thinking, and sighed, "If it was a few years ago, I would die, and if I died, I would die at that time. If there was anything, wouldn't it just take advantage of your heart, you were still young at that time, and you could earn money, find another woman, and have another child, and there was still time, really, there was still time." It's outrageous for me to say what I said. At this point, I still have the heart to say such angry words. "It's different now, fourth child. Now I really miss you too. I don't want to leave you alone, I don't want to leave you alone." Ayan spoke earnestly, and comforted me in turn, saying, "I believe I'll be fine. I believe we can grow old together. We still have a long way to go together. Don't worry, I know your fourth child can't live without me. I know you can't bear me too. I won't let go You alone don't care." I let her say that there was a pain in my heart, and tears almost fell. "Fourth, I know you can't live without me." I held her hand tightly and said in a trembling voice: "It's good that you know it, it's good that you know it." Two weeks after the operation, Ah Yan was discharged from the hospital.Then there is chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is done in the outpatient clinic for five days, and there is a three-week rest before continuing to do chemotherapy.Although the doctor repeatedly emphasized that chemotherapy is just a common routine treatment and that all patients must receive chemotherapy, Ah Yan and I still feel uneasy.In those days, the nose was always filled with the smell of medicine, and all the ears heard were topics related to cancer. One night, I had a nightmare in the middle of the night. I dreamed that I suddenly arrived at the crematorium and was attending Ah Yeon's memorial service.I suddenly appeared at the venue. One of Ah Yan’s favorite photos has become her portrait and hung in the auditorium. Many people came, including my dead mother and dead mother-in-law. Feiyang chatted and laughed happily, perfunctory each other as if nothing had happened, turned his back and immediately began to speak ill of each other.Ah Yan's two younger sisters stared at me and asked me why I didn't rent the largest auditorium. The auditorium was full of people, and there were people outside. It was raining, and people outside wanted to come in because they couldn't. And full of complaints.I saw Lilac, I saw Qin, I saw the girls who had worked in my restaurant.They stood there far away, unwilling to come over, with heavy expressions on their faces.Soon it was my turn to speak, and I walked up to everyone, not knowing what to say. There seemed to be a blank piece of paper in my hand, but I couldn't read the words on it clearly.Suddenly I saw Ah Yan, I saw her standing in the crowd, standing in the crowd opposite me, looking at me affectionately.I said why are you here, it turns out that you are not dead, it turns out this is just a joke.A Yan said very seriously, who said that I am not dead, if I am dead, can't I come? Your mother is dead, my mother is dead, and they all come.And look, who are those, those are your grandparents, you haven't seen them before, have you, you seem to have never seen them.After her reminder, I suddenly realized that the people standing in the auditorium are all dead people, some I know and some I don’t know, and one thing I can be sure of is that these are all dead people.It turned out that those people who attended the funeral had gone to nowhere. Now, I am alone with these dead people.I heard Ah Yan say to me, fourth brother, run away, if you don't run away, you will die.I felt a chill, turned around and ran away, and after a while, I thought of Ayan again. When I turned around, there was a vast expanse of whiteness behind me, and I heard Ayan say in the air, fourth brother, you don’t care about me anymore, You only care about yourself, well, goodbye forever.I was so anxious that I didn't know what to do, and I felt infinitely annoyed. I stomped and said, where are you, I will take you with me.There was wet white mist everywhere, I couldn't see anything, so I shouted loudly, shouted hoarsely, I could feel the resentment in Ah Yan's voice, I wanted to explain to her, I wanted to tell her that I was just for a while Did not respond.However, my throat seemed to be blocked by something, and I couldn't make a sound. When I woke up, I was covered in cold sweat.Ah-yeon grabbed my hand and was shaking me hard.Immediately I realized that I was dreaming, immediately I realized that I was having a nightmare.This dream is so clear, clear enough to take the false as real and the real as false.The cold sweat drenched me like rain. Although I was awake, I was still living in the fear of the dream, and the sweat kept pouring out.Ah Yan grabbed a pillow towel and kept wiping my sweat for me. I said to Ah Yan with a trembling voice: "I'm dreaming!" Ah Yan said: "I know, I know, I should wake you up earlier, I heard you shouting, I wanted to wake you up, but I couldn't." "Ayan, I had a nightmare!" "I know." I held Ah Yan's hand tightly, shaking violently all over.