sequence Author: Mao Dun 1 In April this year, I came to Hong Kong for the third time, and I was somewhat sentimental.Ever since I decided to return to Shanghai in such a detour in Chongqing, I have always felt a little contradictory and depressed——I decided to go this way, but I was afraid that this way would cause some troubles in Hong Kong. Memories, which I am willing to forget; but, before I forget, I am more than willing to go over them again. I lived in Guangzhou for a month, and my life was quite hectic; because of the hustle and bustle, I suppressed the sense of nostalgia; however, I never let go of the idea of ​​wanting to review it and forget it. I plan to go to Prince Edward Road, Kowloon to have a look The first time I lived in a house in Hong Kong, I had a look at the Butterfly Valley, where my girls liked to invite their girlfriends to visit, and looked for some American-published comics that my boys collected with all their heart. I want to see the house in Kennedy Road, Hong Kong when I lived in Hong Kong for the second time, the "Dancing School" (on Hennessy Road) where we took refuge after the outbreak of the "December 8" Hong Kong War, and I especially want to see it , is Xiao Hong's grave - in Repulse Bay.

I keep these wishes in my heart, and when I have a little free time, these wishes come to bother me, but I still can't muster up the courage to repay these unfulfilled wishes until I leave Hong Kong. I didn't go to Kowloon, and neither did Repulse Bay. Go; I often avoid it as if I violated my heart, and I often find some excuses to delay, although I have never said that I have such a plan, nor have I been urged to fulfill these wishes. Over the past twenty years, I have also experienced some ups and downs in life. If there is something that makes me angry or sad, it is heavy on my heart, so I am willing to forget it, but I can't bear to forget it easily. A death too early and a lonely death.Sacrificing the joys of childhood in order to pursue the truth, willing to study hard in order to make oneself a useful person to the nation and society, but just when the study is completed, he suddenly dies, like an unfired bullet. When Bi fell in battle, he gave people an indescribable emotion, which seemed beyond the description of pure grief or regret.This premature death has become a heavy emotional burden on me. I am willing to forget it, but I cannot and cannot bear to forget it easily. Therefore, this time I returned to Hong Kong for the third time and wanted to take another look at Butterfly Valley. It is also boring; this is not the only place to miss, even if you go there, you may not be able to bury your sorrow there.

For those who once placed good hopes in life but were "disillusioned" many times, they are lonely; they are confident in their own abilities, and have great plans for their work, but the bitterness of life makes her quite depressed People who can't cheer up and feel depressed and anxious because of this will of course be doubly lonely; once such a spiritually lonely person finds that the light of his life is about to go out, and there is no way to "remedy" everything, her loneliness will be overwhelming. I am afraid that the sorrow cannot be described in words.And such a lonely death has also become a heavy emotional burden on me. I am willing to forget it, but I cannot and cannot bear to forget it easily. Therefore, I want to go to Repulse Bay and finally avoid it many times against my heart.

2 Xiao Hong's tomb is lonely and isolated in Hong Kong's Repulse Bay. In the swimming season, Repulse Bay should have many red men and women every year, but Xiao Hong lying there is lonely. In December 1940—that was the year before Xiao Hong’s death, when her health was not in serious trouble—she wrote her last book—the novel, but even then, Xiao Hong's mood is already lonely. And from this, we saw how lonely Xiao Hong was in her childhood!Read the "end" of the few words in this book, and you can imagine how lonely Xiao Hong felt when she recalled her lonely childhood:

In the small town of Hulan River, my grandfather used to live, and now my grandfather is buried. When I was born, my grandfather was over sixty years old. When I was four or five years old, my grandfather was almost seventy years old. Before I was twenty years old, my grandfather was seventy or eighty years old.As soon as my grandfather passed eighty, my grandfather died. The former owner of the back garden is gone now.The old master died, and the young master fled to famine. The butterflies, grasshoppers, and dragonflies in that garden may still be there every year, or they may be completely desolate now.

Small cucumbers and big pumpkins may still be planted every year, or they may not exist at all now. Is the morning dew still falling on the pot stand?Does the noon sun still shine on the big sunflower, does the red glow at dusk turn into a horse in a while, and a dog in a while, and so on. These are unimaginable. I heard that the second uncle died. The old cook is not too young even if he is alive. The neighbors in the east and the west house don't know what to do. As for the miller in the mill, what happened to him so far, I don't know at all. There are no beautiful stories in the above, just because they are full of my childhood memories, but I can't forget them, they are hard to forget, and they are recorded here.

After finishing the manuscript, in April of the following year, because of Ms. Smedley's persuasion, Xiao Hong wanted to go to Singapore (Smedley herself was going back to the United States, passing by Hong Kong, and staying for a month. Xiao Hong asked her about the situation in the Pacific Ocean, she said : The Japanese are bound to attack Hong Kong and Nanyang. Hong Kong can hold for a month at most, while Singapore is unbreakable. Even if it is broken, there are more ways to do it in Singapore than in Hong Kong).Xiao Hong encouraged us and my wife to go too.At that time, I couldn’t and didn’t want to leave Hong Kong because of my work. I thought Xiao Hong was afraid of falling in Hong Kong (in case of war), and I explained it in many ways, but I didn’t know why she wanted to leave Hong Kong because she lived in Hong Kong. Lonely, the state of mind is lonely, she hoped to get rid of the terrible loneliness by leaving Hong Kong, and I didn't expect her state of mind to be so lonely at that time.At that time, after the Southern Anhui Incident, a large number of domestic intellectuals went to Hong Kong, resulting in an unprecedented activity in the cultural circle of Hong Kong. In such an environment, it is inexplicable that Xiao Hong would feel lonely.By the time I knew and understood all this, Xiao Hong had been buried in Repulse Bay for almost a year.

Xingjiapo finally failed, and Xiao Hong fell ill soon, and she was admitted to Queen Mary Hospital.In the hospital, she was naturally even more lonely, but her will to survive was very strong. She hoped that her illness would recover, and she lived in the hospital enduring her loneliness.Her illness was quite complicated, and the doctor was so absurd that he declared her incurable disease when it was diagnosed as tuberculosis.But Xiao Hong is confident that she can survive.Even after the outbreak of the Hong Kong War, she was caught between dying from gunfire and dying from illness, and she was still more afraid of the former. However, her loneliness was still the biggest threat to her.

After the last operation, she finally died.At this time, Hong Kong had fallen, and when she breathed her last breath, many of her friends were not in front of her, so she left this world with loneliness. 3 Show us that Xiao Hong's childhood was lonely. What a monotonous day-to-day life for a little girl who had a very early resolution!Small cucumbers and big pumpkins are planted every year, and there are butterflies, grasshoppers, and dragonflies every year. The back garden is full of old things. The dark and dusty back room is her recreation place; kind and childlike Her old grandfather is her only companion; she recites the Tang poems dictated by her grandfather on the bed early in the morning, and pesters her grandfather to tell stories that she is tired of hearing during the day, or look at the thousands of years of the neighbors. Rigid life, if there are any sudden waves in this stagnant life, it is nothing more than the fact that the little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law of the old Hu family is ill, and the old Hu family is dancing again, and the little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law finally died; It was Mo Guan Feng Waizui who suddenly had a wife and a child, and later, his wife died suddenly, leaving behind a second child who had just been born.

The life in the small town of Hulan River is also rigid and monotonous. During the year, they live their lives very regularly; during the year, there must be dances, singing Yangko, river lanterns, wild stage operas, and the Niangniang Temple meeting on April 18th... these lively and grand festivals , and these festivals are as monotonous and dull as their daily lives. Life in the small town of Hulan River is not without sound and color. The streets and alleys, in every hut, behind every fence, are full of nagging, quarreling, crying and laughing, and even dream talking. Throughout the year, according to the grand and lively festivals that come one after another like a lantern, in the gloomy In front of the background of daily life, there are bold red and green colors with primitive colors.

The people of Hulan River are of course mostly kind. They think and live according to the habits handed down for thousands of years. They may sometimes appear numb, but in fact they are also quite sensitive and trivial. They will discuss or argue about trivial matters for three days and three nights.They may appear ignorant and arrogant sometimes, but in fact they have no intention of harming others or themselves. They follow the method they think is the most reasonable and "do whatever they want". Of course, we sympathize with the unfortunate experience of the little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law of Lao Hu’s family. We pity her, we complain for her, and we also hate her, but the object of our hatred is not the mother-in-law of the little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law. We only feel that this mother-in-law is also pitiful. She is also a victim of "thinking and living according to the habits handed down for thousands of years". When "Ten Hanging" asked the liar wandering Taoist priest to treat Xiao Tuanyuan's daughter-in-law, she explained it clearly: When she came to my house, I didn't give her any anger. Which family's reunion daughter-in-law is not angry. She beat her eight times a day and scolded her three times. For many months, although I said that I played a little bit harder, but if I am not hard, I can't discipline a good person.I also didn't want to beat her hard. I beat her up and screamed for her sake. If I didn't beat her hard, she wouldn't be useful. ... Why does the mother-in-law of the old Hu family firmly believe that her little reunion daughter-in-law needs to be severely "disciplined"?What is there about the little reunion daughter-in-law that makes her look unpleasant to the elderly?Because the little reunion daughter-in-law came to Lao Hu's house on the first day, the neighbors judged her as "too generous", "I don't know how to be ashamed at all, the first day I came to my in-law's house, I ate three bowls for dinner", and "fourteen It is also against the law to grow so tall at the age of 18, because the neighbors said that this little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law is not like a little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law, so her mother-in-law firmly believes that strict discipline is necessary, and because "only want to give her When she was dismounted, the "too generous" little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law refused to accept discipline—crying and shouting, saying she wanted to "go home"—so she had to beat her severely for a month. Of course, the neighbors have no grudges against the little reunion daughter-in-law, and they all want her to be good—to make her look like a reunion daughter-in-law.So when this little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law was "disciplined" and became ill, not only her mother-in-law was willing to give a lot of money to treat her illness (tiaoshen, various folk remedies), but the neighbors also enthusiastically gave her advice. And the result?As a result, a "dark, smiling" little reunion daughter-in-law named fourteen years old was actually only twelve, but she was taller and stronger than ordinary fourteen-year-old girls and "sent back to her hometown" alive! The life in the small town of Hulan River is full of various sounds and colors, but it is rigid and monotonous. Life in the small town of Hulan River is lonely. Xiao Hong's childhood life passed in such a lonely environment.It is self-evident how deep this imprint is on her soul. The little Tuanyuan daughter-in-law of the old Hu family who unconsciously violated the "thousands of years of habit and lived by thinking" finally died, and Xiao Hong who consciously resisted the habit of thousands of years and lived by thinking and lived with tears With a smile recalling this lonely small town, with a lonely mood, in the great era of tragic struggle. 4 Some people may feel that it is not a novel. They might say that there is no thread running through the book, that stories and characters are fragments, fragments, not whole organisms. Some people may feel that it seems to be an autobiography, but it is not exactly like an autobiography. But I think it is better and more meaningful because it is not exactly like an autobiography. And we can also say: the point is not that it is not like a novel in the strict sense, but that there are other things besides its "unlikeness"-something more "attractive" than "like" a novel. "Some things: it is a narrative poem, a colorful landscape painting, a string of sad ballads. There is irony, but also humor. When you start reading, you feel relaxed, but as you read on, your heart will get heavier little by little.But there is still beauty, and even if it is a little sickly, it still cannot but dazzle you. Maybe you want to say that none of the characters are positive.They are all poor wretches who are willing to be slaves of traditional thinking and feel sorry for themselves, and the author's attitude towards them is not pure.She whipped them mercilessly, but she sympathized with them: she showed us how stupid and obstinate these people who succumbed to tradition were—some even cruel, but their nature was good, they did not cheat, Not hypocritical, they are not lazy, they are extremely easy to satisfy.There are the second uncle, the old cook, the family of the old Hu family, and the group of fans who leaked powder, all of whom are such characters.They are all like the lowest plants, they can survive with very little water, soil, sunlight—or even no sunlight. Mo Guan Feng Waizuizi is the one with the strongest vitality among them—strong enough to make people Can't help but want to praise him.However, nothing special can be found in Feng Waizuizi.Except that the vitality is particularly tenacious, and this is the tenacity of primitiveness. If we are looking for the weakness of the author's thinking, then the problem is probably not that the characters the author writes lack enthusiasm, but that when the author writes about the nightmare-like lives of these characters, the author gives people the impression that nothing but Reaping the fruits of their own lives, the lives of these characters are also leisurely and contented. Here, we cannot see feudal exploitation and oppression, nor the bloody aggression of Japanese imperialism.And these two iron shackles, in terms of the proportion of the lives of the people of Hulan River, shouldn't they be lighter than their own ignorance and conservatism? 5 When Xiao Hong wrote, her mood was lonely. She lived in Hong Kong at that time, which could be said to be a "hikikomori" life. In the great era around 1940, people like Xiao Hong who had ideals in life and fought against dark forces would quietly "dwell in hibernation". "It's somewhat incomprehensible. One of her girlfriends once analyzed the root causes of her "negativeness" and depression, thinking that repeated "emotional" injuries made this emotional and rational poetess trapped in her own narrow circle of private life. (Although this circle is cursed by her, it is too inflexible and cannot resolutely extricate itself), and is completely cut off from the vast world where life and death struggles are fought. This result is that, on the one hand, Chen Yi is too high, Dissatisfied with the various activities of the intellectuals of her class, they feel that they are all nonsense and boring, but on the other hand, they cannot join the group of peasants, workers and laborers to completely change their lives.How can we not feel depressed and lonely?And the shadow cast by this mood is not only seen in the mood of the whole book, but also in the thinking part, which is regrettable, just as we deeply regret Xiao Hong's early death. August 1946 in Shanghai