Chapter 21 Airplane—perhaps, how he muttered to himself like a poem

That afternoon, she asked, "Hey, have you ever had the habit of talking to yourself?" She raised her head from the table quietly and said as if she had suddenly thought of it.However, it was obvious that it was not a question that came to mind on a whim.She may have thought about this question for a long time.In her voice, there was a slightly hoarse and blunt sound suitable for the occasion.It can be seen from this that before the actual utterance, that sentence has been hesitantly played several times on the tip of her tongue. The two of them sat facing each other across the kitchen table.Aside from the fact that the trams on the nearby line often pass by, this area can be said to be very quiet, sometimes too quiet.The railway is surprisingly quiet when there are no trams passing by.The kitchen floor was covered with plastic tiles, and the cold tiles made the soles of his bare feet chilly, which was very comfortable.He took off his socks and stuffed them into the pockets of his trousers.It was a hot afternoon in April.She rolled up the sleeves of her light-colored plaid shirt to her elbows.Then he fiddled with the handle of the coffee spoon again and again with his white, slender fingers.He stared at her fingers.Once staring quietly, the mind is also wonderfully calmed down.She looked as if she held up one end of the world and unraveled it bit by bit.It took time, but she had to undo it slowly from there, like that, as if on official business, without emotion.

He watched the movement silently.The reason why he didn't speak was because he didn't know what to say.The little coffee left in his cup was cold and cloudy. He had just turned twenty.She was seven years older than him, married and had children.In short, she was like something from the far side of the moon to him. Her husband works for a travel agency specializing in overseas travel.Therefore, I am away from home for about half a month every month.He travels frequently to London, Rome or Singapore.His husband seems to like opera very much, and the house is full of thick records of triplets or quadruples by Verdi, Puccini, Donisedi, and Li White, Strauss, etc., all according to the composition. Home classification, neatly arranged.Rather than saying this is a record collection, it seems more like a symbol of a certain worldview.Those records looked solemn and quite sedate.When he was short of words or bored, he always chased the words on the back of the record with his eyes.From right to left, then from left to right.

So he read the themes one by one in his head.For example, "Bohemian", "Tosca", "Torandot", "Norman", "Fideo" and so on. ． ． . He had never heard that kind of music even once, and he hadn't even had a chance to listen to it before saying he liked it or hated it.Regardless of family members or friends, no one around him likes opera.He knows that there is a kind of music called "opera" in the world, and he also knows that some people like to listen to opera.But when it came to actually touching the other side of the world, that was the first time.As for the woman, she wasn't particularly fond of opera. "I don't hate opera!" she said. "It's too long, though!"

Next to the record rack was a rather luxurious stereo set.The large foreign-made vacuum tube loudspeaker, like a strictly controlled crustacean, curled up its heavy body and stood there waiting for orders.Anyway, among the solid furniture, the stereo really stood out.It highlights its own sense of existence.So, he kept his eyes there.However, he had never heard the actual sound of that stereo.Because she didn't even know the position of the power switch, and he didn't dare to touch it with his hands. My family has no problem!She told him.She told him repeatedly: My husband is a very considerate person, and he loves children very much. I think I am probably a happy person!She said lightly in a steady tone, and there was nothing like an excuse in her words.She spoke objectively about her married life as if she were talking about traffic rules or the international date line.For example, I think I'm happy, we don't have problems that could be called problems and so on.

So why are you sleeping with me?he thinks.He thought for a long time, but still couldn't get the answer.Probably he didn't even have a clear idea of ​​the problems in his married life.He also thought about asking her directly, but he couldn't open his mouth anyway.How should I ask? "Since you are so happy, why do you still want to sleep with me?" Can you ask this directly?However, if she really asked that, she would definitely cry!he thinks. Even without asking that kind of question, she often cried.She always cried in a small voice and for a long time. In most cases, he had no idea why she was crying.Once a woman starts crying, it is difficult to stop, no matter how he comforts her, she will never stop crying before a certain time.On the contrary, even if he did nothing, as long as a certain period of time passed, she would naturally stop crying.man!Why is everyone different?he thinks.He had had several girlfriends before, some of them liked to cry, some of them liked to be angry.However, the way they cry, smile, and scowl are all different.Although there are similarities, there are differences

But more.That doesn't seem to have anything to do with age at all.It was his first time dating an older woman, but he didn't care about age as much as he thought.Rather, he felt that the differences in the tendencies that each person possessed were more meaningful.So, that's the key to unraveling the mystery of life. Every time she stopped crying, she started having sex with him.Only after crying, the woman will take the initiative to ask him.Besides, it was always him who wooed her.Women had turned him down, too.She didn't say a word, just shook her head silently.At that time, her eyes looked like the white moon at dawn floating on one side of the sky.At dawn, the moon trembled from the sound of birdsong.When he saw those eyes, he couldn't say anything.Although she refused to be nice to him, it didn't make him feel anxious or unhappy.just miss her

Probably this is what it means!I also breathed a sigh of relief.At that time, the two were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and chatting quietly.Most of them are bits and pieces.Neither of them are talkative people, and they don't have much in common.He couldn't remember what he said at that time.I just remember talking intermittently.During their conversation, the tram passed the window several times. When the two have physical contact, they are always calm and quiet.In fact, it is correct to say that they did not enjoy the pleasures of the flesh.Of course, it would be a lie to say that there was no physical pleasure between them.However, there are many other ideas, elements and forms mixed in between.It was unlike any sex he'd ever experienced before.It reminded him of a small room, a neatly made room, a pleasant little room.From the ceiling hung many colorful ribbons, each of different shapes and lengths.Every ribbon touched his emotions and made him shudder.He wanted to pull one of them, and those ribbons were waiting for him to pull.However, he didn't know which one to pull.He thought, maybe as long as one of them is pulled, a beautiful scene will appear in front of his eyes in an instant.On the contrary, as long as one of them is pulled, maybe everything will be wiped out in an instant!So, he fell into extreme confusion.So, he spent that day in confusion.

For him, that situation was not inconceivable.Before, he always wanted to live with his own values.However, when I was in this room, listening to the sound of the tram, while hugging a woman who was older and quieter than me, I occasionally felt extremely confused and hesitated.I probably love this woman!He asked himself that question more than once.However, he did not get a definite answer.All he could understand were the colored ribbons hanging from the ceiling of that small room.That one is indeed there. She always looked quickly at the clock as soon as the wonderful sex was over.She turned slightly in his arms, looking at the clock beside her pillow.It was the black alarm clock attached to the FM radio.The dial of the radio alarm clock at that time was not digital, but made a faint "click, click" sound to calculate the time.As long as she looked at the clock, the tram near the window would pass by.Oddly enough, every time she moved her eyes to the clock, she heard the sound of a tram.Almost like a fateful reflex, she looked at the clock—the tram passed.

The reason she looks at the clock is to determine when her four-year-old daughter returns from kindergarten.He saw the little girl only once by chance.His only impression of her was "what a cute and sensible little girl!" As for the husband who loves opera and works in a travel agency, he has never met him once.Thankfully. She asked about talking to herself one afternoon in May.She cried that day too, so they made love too.As for why she was crying, he couldn't remember.Probably women cry just because they want to cry!Maybe, she only dated me because she wanted to be held in her arms and cry heartily!He even had the idea that maybe she couldn't stand crying alone and that's why she needed me!

The lock on the door was firmly locked, the curtains on the windows were pulled down, and the phone was brought to the pillow.So, the two were loving each other heartily.As usual, there was silence all around.On the way, the doorbell rang once, but she didn't answer it.She wasn't surprised or frightened at all. "Don't worry! It's okay." She shook her head silently as if saying so.The doorbell rang several times, and soon the other party finally left desperately.Her expression seemed to say that it was an unimportant person.Probably a salesman or something.But, how did she know?He found it incredible.

From time to time there was the sound of trams outside the window, and the sound of piano music in the distance. He had a vague memory of that melody.It was some kind of music I had heard in the music room at school before.However, he couldn't remember the title of the song.A vegetable truck rattled past outside.She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.He ejaculates.Quietly around. He went into the bathroom and started the shower.While wiping his body with a bath towel, he walked back to the bedroom and saw that she was lying on the bed with her eyes closed.He sat down next to her, and as he did every time, he traced the words on the back of the opera record with his eyes while stroking her back with his fingers. Then she stood up, got dressed, and went into the kitchen to make coffee.After a while, she said, "Hey, have you ever had the habit of talking to yourself?" "Talking to yourself?" he asked in surprise. "Talk to yourself, you mean at 'that' time?" "No! It's not that time, it's normal time. For example, when you're in the bathroom shower, or when I'm in the kitchen and you're reading the paper by yourself." He shook his head: "I don't know! I didn't even realize I was talking to myself." "But you really said it, really!" she said as she fiddled with the lighter. "It's not that I don't believe you!" he said gruffly.Then, she drank a cigarette, took the lighter from her hand and lit the cigarette.He started smoking "Seven Star" brand cigarettes not long ago.Because her husband smoked "Seven Stars".He had always smoked short Hopes.It wasn't that she told him to change to the same brand of cigarettes, but that he changed voluntarily.He thought, wouldn't everything be convenient in this way?TV melodramas seem to be doing well. "I used to talk to myself a lot when I was a kid!" "yes?" "However, my mother changed it later. Because she said it was shameless. Therefore, whenever I talked to myself, she would scold me severely. Sometimes, she would lock me in In the closet, the closet is so scary! It was dark and smelly inside.I have also been beaten before, with a ruler hitting my knees!So, then I stopped talking to myself, never again.Before I knew it, I couldn't say it even if I wanted to. " He didn't know what to say, so he kept silent.She bit her lip. "It's still the same even now. Even if I suddenly want to say something, I will immediately put it back reflexively. Maybe it's because I was afraid of being scolded when I was a child. But, I really don't understand! What's wrong with talking to yourself? . It's just a natural way to say what you want to say!If my mother is still alive, I really want to ask her, why not? " "Ling Tang passed away?" "Yeah," she said. "But, I really want to ask her carefully, why did she treat me like that?" She continued to fiddle with the coffee spoon.Then he glanced suddenly at the clock hanging on the wall.She looked at the clock, and there was another tram passing by outside the window. She waited for the tram to pass.Then he said, "I think the human heart is like a deep well, isn't it? Where is the bottom?No one knows.Can only be imagined through the shape of things that often float up from there. " The two thought for a while about the deep well. "Tell me, how do I talk to myself?" he tried to ask. "Well!" She shook her head slowly several times.As if to secretly determine the condition of the neck joint. "For example, an airplane!" "Airplane?" he said. Well, she said.Airplane flying in the sky. he laughed.How about a soliloquy about airplanes again? She laughed too.Then use the index finger of the right hand and the index finger of the left hand to measure the length of the imaginary object floating in the air.That was her habit, and sometimes he would do the same. "You made it very clear! You really don't remember?" "Can not remember." She reached for the ballpoint pen on the table and played with it for a while, before looking up at the clock again.During those five minutes, the hands of the clock also advanced by exactly five minutes. "You're talking to yourself like you're reciting poetry." After she finished speaking, her cheeks flushed slightly.He couldn't help but wonder why my self-talk made her blush. "I simply like reciting poetry Talk to yourself. " He tried to say that. She picked up the ballpoint pen again. It was a yellow plastic ballpoint pen with the words "the 10th anniversary of a branch of a certain bank" printed on it. She stared at him as if to look into the depths of his eyes. "Do you really want to know?" He nodded. She took a piece of note paper and started writing on it with a ballpoint pen.Her movements were slow, but without pauses or rests, she continued waving the ballpoint pen.During that time, he rested his chin on both hands and looked at her long eyelashes quietly.Every few seconds or so, she blinked irregularly.He stared blankly at those eyelashes—eyelashes that were stained with tears just now—and after a while, he began to be confused again.What does it mean to have sex with her?A kind of frightening singleness that seems to be left after a complex system is extracted from a part Pure that strange sense of loss hit him.If it goes on like this, maybe I won't be able to go anywhere.The thought made him terribly frightened.He felt that his existence seemed to be melted just like that.Yes, he is as young as freshly molded clay, and he talks to himself in a tone like reciting poetry. After finishing writing, she passed the note across the table, and he took it. In the kitchen, some kind of afterimage seems to be listening with bated breath.As long as he was with her, he would often feel the existence of that afterimage.Some afterimage lost somewhere, some afterimage he couldn't remember clearly. "Look! I remember it all!" she said. "It's a soliloquy about airplanes." He tried to read the text aloud. airplane the plane is flying me, sitting on the plane airplane flying However, the flying it's an airplane or the sky "Only these?" He said a little dumbly. "Yeah! That's all." "I just can't believe I've said so much and I can't remember it at all," he said. She bit her lower lip lightly, then smiled slightly. "But, you really said it, really!" He sighed, "Strange! I never once thought about airplanes. I don't have that impression at all. Why did you suddenly say something about airplanes?" "But, you said that clearly in the bathroom just now. So, even if you never thought about airplanes, your mind was thinking about airplanes somewhere in the depths of the forest far away!" "Perhaps you once built airplanes in the depths of a forest somewhere!" She put the ballpoint pen on the table with a "click", then raised her eyes and looked at him quietly. The two were silent for a while, and the coffee on the table was getting cloudier and colder.The earth's axis is spinning, and the moon is quietly causing gravity to change into tides.Time passed in silence as the tram sped along the tracks. Both he and the woman are thinking the same thing.That's about the plane.His heart makes planes deep in the forest.Also, how big is that plane?What shape is it?What color is it painted on?Where exactly are you going?etc.Besides, who exactly is going to be on that plane?Who is that plane waiting for in the depths of the forest? Soon, she was crying again.It was the first time that she cried twice in one day.And, that was the last time.For her, that was a pretty special thing.He reached across the table and stroked her hair.It was a very smooth touch, like life, firm and smooth, and far away. he thought.By the way, at that time, I was talking to myself like reciting a poem.