Chapter 43 【As life as death】

【As life as death】 In the Youxian Grotto by Zhang Zhuo in the Tang Dynasty, it is written that before seeing the ten niangs, he first heard the sound of the piano in the inner room, and then "the lower officials heard it, but they didn't realize it. Breathless", I laughed out loud, so strong, but cute, and funny.I am in Wenzhou, the anxiety is strong It's like this. I finally got acquainted with Mr. Liu Jingchen. It is somewhat safe here, but in the future I still have to go out to The outside world, the acquaintances there have been wiped out after this catastrophe, I have to make arrangements in advance and find a way

Meet new people.I wrote to Liang Shuming.At that time, Mr. Liang's mediation between the Kuomintang and the Communist Party was fruitless, and he still went to Beibei, Sichuan to handle the case. Ren Academy.Cultural people in Beijing and Shanghai criticized Mr. Liang's academic thought for being inconsistent with materialist dialectics and materialism. View of history, "Observation" magazine often has Mr. Liang's reply. I said in the letter that his sincerity among scholars can be regarded as the first person in the Chinese ideological circle today, but I still have doubts about it.

It can be different from others, such as the inner alchemy is not completed, the game cannot be changed, but the devil is gone, all the evils take advantage of it, and you want to be humble When the heart comes to it, it is difficult to discuss with it, thinking that it is also a chance to think carefully about it, but in fact it is delusional.And Qin Xing and the chatterers extinguish themselves , Han Xing also chatterers extinguish themselves, and since ancient times chatterers have not been swept away because of difficulties.China will have Qin Xing in the future , or can avoid this catastrophe and directly open a new Han Dynasty, there is still God's will in it.Only those with lofty ideals learn

, careful thinking and discernment has its own original meaning.Sakyamuni's theory of heretics, Mencius' difficulty in Yang Mo, is the practice of his learning, not the result of his learning .The beginning of learning is to first seek one's own ability and stop at the best, even if there are still doubts in knowledge, it is still necessary to illuminate it.no Then you know that it is also chasing things, the deeper it goes in, the harder it is to get out, when will it be clear when wrestling with the kudzu and vines? Mr. Liang immediately wrote back, saying, "Among our decades-long old friends, there is no one who criticizes and discusses the facts like Mr."

He also asked about my life in the letter, how did he think Zhang Jiayi jumped out of the oblique stab.I've been talking to him ever since Letter, tell him the mountains and rivers of my handwriting.Once he wrote in a letter: "So far, I have received five letters from respect, They all shared the views with friends at CUHK, and I beg for forgiveness for not having obtained Mr.’s consent beforehand. " Mountains and Rivers was not called this title at first, I started handwriting in the woodshed room where I lived with my grandmother, it was 8,000 characters long a dissertation.Write another 30,000 characters, read it with Mr. Liu Jingchen, Mr. Liu said, it means good, the article needs to be

change.I rewrote it again, and somehow increased it to 60,000 characters. Mr. Liu only read half of it and said it was still not enough.he said , "You are a very solemn book, but your writing skills are like chickens that have not yet broken through the eggshell, and people read it instead. You are struggling.But let's put it here until I finish reading it. "This book took several years and changed drafts several times. At the time of Yandang Mountain, it reached 230,000 characters, and finally it was cut into 140,000 characters and published in Japan. When it returns to the mainland in the future, only

Burn incense to announce Mr. Liu's tomb. In Journey to the West, Sun Wukong said, "Thinking of my grandson, I only worship three people in my life, the Buddha in the west and the Bodhisattva in the South China Sea. Sa, Master Liangjieshan rescued me from the disaster, I worship him four times. "I have never worshiped anyone as a teacher in my life. If you want me to burn incense Light three and a half sticks of incense.A stick of incense misses Ai Ling, she is the one who enlightened me.Yizhuxiang thanked Mr. Liu, it was he who called I am a primary school student again.A stick of incense respects Sun Yat-sen, it is he who gave me the great ambition of the Republic of China and the world.half stick of incense Xie Chi

Tian Duji was the first to make me see that the civilizations of the Han and Tang Dynasties are all today. Then Mr. Liu also showed me an unintentional kindness. It was he who introduced me to teach in Wenzhou Middle School. this.I am a fairy, and I escaped the thunderstorm by coming to the noble person in the world.The greatest grace in the world is the grace of unintentional , my parents gave birth to me unintentionally, and I became an adult at four o'clock, unintentionally. The White Snake Lady repaid Xu Xian, so Xu Xian rescued me at the beginning. She is also careless.And I escaped the thunderstorm and was instantly happy again.

Mr. Liu also thought of mentioning teaching.One day he said, "I think it's a pity that you do single-gang business. Well, how about teaching?It is also suitable for learning. ’ I wished he would say that, but I still pretended Calmly, he replied, "I didn't think of this, because now teachers need qualifications, and my qualifications seem to be insufficient. And it was lost during the war. After the chaos, where can I make up for it? "Mr. Liu said, "I will introduce Wenzhou Middle School to you. Introduction, but it is still in March, and we have to wait until after the summer vacation.No qualifications, I can write to Li Chaoying. "Zhe

Li Chaoying, director of Jiangxi Provincial Department of Education, is also a student of Mr. Liu.I say thank you.He didn't mention it anymore, and I didn't ask Because Mr. Liu has already said, he will definitely do it. If I press him to ask, it will be considered stingy. I also showed Mr. Liang's letter to Mr. Liu, and he said that Liang Shuming was better than Ma Yifu.Mr. Liang is secular, There are many mistakes, but as the Vimalakirti Sutra says, "Because all people are sick, I am sick." I quote like this How could he know that Mr. Liu was otherwise, he said, "Actually, the Wan surname has so many diseases."turn out to be

If the compassion is passionate, most of them are not safe.The folks say that the king is prosperous, that is, the flowers are blooming, but the king is not yet , also like the flower after the flower fades before the flower blooms, has infinite meaning.I have been lightly scolded like this several times, but Mr. Liu is like me. But I don't know if it will work or not.How to go out to the Central Plains in the future, I just think so think.But I always have a kind of secret joy and selfish rejoicing at the secrets that have not yet become a reality.Only read Wen Tian once Xiang Xiang's seven mourning poems, which he wrote when he was captured and went to Daozhong, mentioned his children, there are "a pair of white biscuits on the roadside", and mentioned his concubine, The sky collapses, the dragon and the phoenix kill the beauties and the dust I was so shaken that I couldn't get over it for several days.I got angry and demoted it.Li Ling's poems are better , "Anzhi is not the sun and the moon, and the strings look at their own time." Feelings turn around as soon as they turn, this is the supernatural nature. When I study now, I always compare myself to myself. What is close to me is good, and what is not beneficial to me is not good. .Sometimes I think of Qingfengling in my hometown for no reason. The wife of Wang's family was also captured by Yuan soldiers. She threw herself into the cliff here. I chanted her The inscribed poem on the stone reads, I don't know when my husband will see my concubine and when will I come back I don't feel sore in my heart, her life experience is different from mine, and it has been thousands of years, but the world is long and the way of heaven is vague ,still the same. I was writing an article in the room, and my grandma came to clean up the mirror and tea bowls on the table, and asked, "You take one piece of paper and one piece of paper. write? I said, "Writing can teach." Once she wrapped up a manuscript I had written. I lost my childish tantrum, and she got scared too.Xiumei has arrived at the silkworm farm and is still working as a technician. The letter reassures me , she will send money.Grandma also knows that she is on duty as my son-in-law, but I seldom chat with her, only sometimes She told me about Xiumei's childhood.Grandma said that when Xiumei was five years old, she would do the hands and feet for adults, so she went to the river to do laundry Chang, fell into the water once, it was noon, when a passer-by saw him pick it up, he almost drowned.Suffered from dysentery at the age of nine, and It is almost impossible to save such a little person, who is sick and very obedient and quiet.Later, it got better and I lost my appetite. I bought it A horned crab was given to her for dinner, and she ate a bowl.She ate a horned crab for three days, and the little man knew that the family was struggling. Disaster.When my grandma said it, tears flowed down my face several times. I felt infinite regret after listening to it, thinking that I must wait for Xiumei Stay better. Grandma and the others said that grandma was lucky and her daughter was filial and her son-in-law was virtuous.But I really started talking with Ren Lian Shao from He Xian.fall It's not because my Wenzhou dialect is bad, but once I become an educated person, in the vast world, grandma and grandma I don't know how to say the words I use.I'm just a member of the Kuomintang who is the mayor and principal of the primary school in Biqianyuan It's better.There is also the son of the landlord Xu's family, who is a teaching assistant at Zhejiang University. I met him once when he came back from winter vacation. When I got up, I felt that I still had something to talk to with him and grandma. I really admire Xiumei for this. She always talks with the world. You can laugh and speak. Grandma does have her friends, she is the grandma of the first family on the right outside the gate.That grandma has children and grandchildren, grows vegetables To make a living, there is also a small stall in front of the house, selling fried beans, needles, needles, cigarettes, matches, and the family is fairly well-to-do.they are always night Fishing, the net was full of small fish, all four or five inch white strips, sent a dozen to grandma, and said, "Your family has a uncle , also make up Ga rice. "I like to eat it very much, it tastes very fresh.Sometimes they also send dried vegetables, which they grow and dry themselves .I also went to that grandma's house once with my grandma. It seems that when I was young, my mother and I went to the nine grandma's house in the lotus pond. Sometimes I stand under the eaves and look at a small tree in the courtyard. It always has roots, which is better than my dragon out of the water. Grandma chooses the bark and tendon of trees for paper pulp in front of the steps. Women from small families in Wenzhou often bring such things from paper mills. Things that have already been smashed once are spread out in the basket, and they are picked when they are free, and the wages they earn are also subsidized to supplement the daily expenses. side dishes.This grandma is also better than me, she has roots in this world.Her eldest son went to Shanghai last year to work as a tailor , send money home on a monthly basis, and get rice and firewood, so you don’t have to live on sweet potatoes. It was clear in an instant.Grandma's son came back from Shanghai to go to the grave and made a bride. He has Shanghai belts in all the relatives and neighbors. As a gift, I also have a toothbrush and a piece of soap.This time he will live at home for a month, praying every day When relatives and friends come back, they work as a window in the room cutting clothes to make a living.I listened to him talk about the world in Shanghai, my friend Taoli, and places such as the Tianchan Stage in the Great World, I just feel that I have lived in Shanghai for many years for nothing, and I am like a god in a temple. In terms of secular excitement, generosity and loyalty, this class of craftsmen is more famous.That grandma is of course proud of her His son, who has already left the mountain today, is worthy of many officials and dignitaries.Chinese folk is the gold letter on the child's hat , the words printed on the chain cakes made of two kinds of snow white and pink rice flour are also "No. But the grandma treats her son, and the son treats her mother. Just because the mother and child are related, there is already trust in the world. The upper floor of Grandma's living room was originally rented by a woman from Rui'an, who recently changed her surname to Zheng. There are four members of her family. The old gentry.But this kind of people, when they are poor, they are extremely shabby and miserable, the lines of their faces are hardened, and they have no sense of humor. .Mrs. Naruian moved to a nearby nunnery.Her name is Chen Ruiying, and she has only one son who is eighteen years old. Working in a photo studio is really a waste of money. If she is happy with nothing to do, she is happy like a fairy, because her husband passed away early. , between men and women are very shy, and it is not a worldly event.Xiumei was here last year, she accompanied us to the West Shan, now she comes to accompany me to watch a temple opera on Songtai. In May and June, there are temple operas everywhere in Wenzhou.The gongs and drums of Wenzhou opera are sung and performed, but it is also a grand opera.I In Songtai Mountain, I saw Zhan Yanliang and Zhan Han Xin, both of them were Zhan. When I saw the play cards on the stage, I first broke the taboo, because I I am also a man who goes to war, because I am also a man who breaks the law.But Yan Liang has already come out on the stage, I don't care if I can see it. Look, I can't go away.That Yan Liang, with a flower-faced armor in the shape of a dragon, dances with a big knife in his hand, just like the dance music of the Tang Dynasty. King Lanling.He went in after dancing for a while, and then came out to Guan Yu. Guan Yu didn't wield a sword, but reined in his horse with a sword. However, it is a majestic power.With one of his pawns in front of his horse, he was in the position of controlling the horse. There was a thousand-mile red rabbit horse that no one could get close to, and the audience applauded.Once you dance like this, you go in and come out again. Cao Bing lost in a row, Yan Liang came to fight in front of the battle, Guan Yu and Cao Cao watched from the hill with open umbrellas, he couldn't help but said , "Looking at it with Guan Mou, taking Yan Liang's head is like picking an ear from a bag." Seeing this, I felt sore.That level Yu, stay in Cao Ying, heart in the Han Dynasty, is this the time to show your power?But as it is now, the Chinese Communist Army is going south to fight, and the government The army has been defeated repeatedly, and there are no heroes who sigh! The scene of beheading Han Xin is also great.Then Han Xin, took Zhao to collect Qi and destroy Chu, opened the Han Dynasty for four hundred years, and there were ten great Due to his merits, he was named the king of Sanqi, but Empress Lu tricked him into Weiyang Palace, making Prime Minister Xiao He count his crimes.It's time for Chen Xi to rebel, Han Xin's secret book taught the situation of using troops, but the book was intercepted, and Xiao He showed Han Xin.Han Xin saw the physical evidence, but he said, " The world can succeed or fail at any time, but it is a pity that Chen Xi has no plans.As for the widow, if it doesn't have a bit of rebellion, it's not Han Believe it! He started to walk for a few steps, looked up and down, Xiao He asked him, and he said, "I look up at the sky, the sky will not kill Han Believe, look down at the earth, the earth will not kill Han Xin, and watch the world, the world will not kill Han Xin. "At the beginning, Han Xin refused to go down the mountain. His father promised him to seal all the swords and guns in the world, saying that he would not kill Han Xin, and he would not kill Han Xin, but told him not to wear peach red clothes. But now a young cook came out, threw a kitchen knife at him, and shouted "Sanqi King, you know the world" Knife, do you know what this is!Han Xin was stunned, because the kitchen knife had not been sealed.He asked the cook's name, and the cook Said: "My name is Tao Hong." Immediately, remembering Master's advice, he picked up the kitchen knife and killed himself.what a homemade tea The matter of food, kitchen knife and hoe, makes the hero frightened. There is also a play in which Prime Minister Bigan was beaten by King Zhou, and he left the court to whip his horse. A woman was heard on the street calling Selling water spinach, he stopped and asked, "Vegetables have hollow hearts, but what if people don't have hearts?" The woman said, "If people don't have hearts, they will die." . He yelled and fell off his horse and died.Bigan is a great loyal minister, he can still whip his horse and run away after his heart is broken The drum scene was really tense and moving, but sincerity is like a white rainbow shining through the sun, and the women traffickers can't help but say, Chinese folk The mouth is the imperial decree.Heroes are inseparable from the normal, things are easy and there is no romance, so although they are like King Zhou's innocence, There is still peace in the world. Just a few dozen feet away from the left side of the Xujiatai Gate where I live, Doufu Bridge is across the road in front of Zhang’s Ancestral Hall. There is also a show on the stage, and I went to see Jade Hairpin.I saw the jasper hairpin in Hucun when I was young. It was performed in Shengxian County, and it was also Some were performed in Shaoxing opera, and now I watch Wenzhou opera.The acting scholar marries the daughter of the minister of punishment as his wife. Being jealous of his wife's cousin, wrongly accusing the bride of being unfaithful, he was angry in his heart, but he didn't say it out, but he didn't share the bed with him. When the bride asked him, he said a bitch, so different.The bride's tears flow only to her stomach, so it is said "My parents treat me like a treasure, and my enemies treat me like grass on the side of the road."But he is always his own husband, and he is more important to his mother-in-law. Filial piety.When the bride returns to her natal home, the good girl keeps her secrets. When asked by her parents, she always says that her mother-in-law and her husband treat her well. .Compared with the humiliating immortals in India, she is in the world of the world, and her ambition is only to be a human being. People under the stage After reading it, everyone burst into tears. The mother-in-law took pity on this filial bride, and was so angry that her son was a bookworm. She rushed to chase Aaron, wanting to Forcibly pressing the bull's head to drink water, I was so anxious to beat myself, crying about the dead Aaron's father, but it was the bride who came to persuade her, she Then I received my tears again.The mother-in-law is ugly, and her hair in a topknot looks like an ox horn. Everyone calls her a ox-horn bun woman.she The behavior is funny, the words are chattering, not on the stage, in short, it is outside the gentlemen and ladies, but it is really kind Straight, upright, open-minded and romantic, everyone watching from the stage applauded her. Later, the scholar won the number one prize, and because of a certain chance, he realized that the bride had been falsely accused, and began to enter the palace with Fengguanxiapei. , but was rejected.What the lady said was, "My family does not have such a blessing. I have spent my whole life serving my mother-in-law for a hundred years. After that, go to cut your hair and practice. "No matter how the number one scholar apologizes, she always ignores it.People watching from the stage They all said, "Should, should!" They asked their parents to persuade them, but they couldn't persuade her to change their minds.In the end it's still the cow Jiaoji woman, she said, "My bride, Aaron is sorry for you, but I have to come to make amends to you. . When she knelt down, the bride was so panicked that she knelt down first and called out to her mother-in-law. The tears flowed down, and she wore it obediently. Wear a phoenix crown and Xiapei.So the drums and music worshiped each other. This is the wedding night in the bridal chamber. When the gold list is listed, the Chinese folk girls The son has such a heroic spirit. I was very happy watching Wenzhou opera, thinking that I can know how good something is when I watch it now, all thanks to Ai Ling Teach me.And I write the book Mountains, Rivers and Years every day, and when I write some sentences that seem to be written by Aileen, I laugh Said, "I really ate your saliva." I didn't know that in this June, Aileen wrote to say goodbye to me. . In February and March of this year, I wrote about my own state of mind in my letters to Aileen, but it shouldn’t be written like that. It’s easy to write, and I also wrote that my neighbor’s wife sometimes came to sit under the lamp to talk to me. I can’t remember exactly how it was written in the letter. up.This one is me and Ai Ling, like Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, I am so in a daze that I don't know each other. mind.The second is that I can forget about the things in front of me anytime and anywhere, but every time I think of Aileen, I immediately feel anxious Ruxin felt a little shaky in her heart, and I have always avoided correspondence with old acquaintances, and I was afraid of being censored for letters to Aileen, so What was written in the letter seemed to be unpredictable.Three, the words and characters I use today are like a child's deciduous teeth only falling out, and the real teeth have not yet come out. Health, the pronunciation is not accurate, and even I can't understand it when I hear it.So Aileen replied back then, "I I feel like I don't know you anymore. "And I am still proud, because I have always been happy when you say anything about me .I thought she was gradually looking at me and looking at the side, which was where Lan Cheng could compete with Ailing. In the following five months, I wrote again to cause trouble.I want to know Mr. Liu Jingchen now, in Wenzhou about It is possible to stand firm, and we have established a correspondence with Mr. Liang Shuming, and we will have new opportunities to go out of the Central Plains in the future. Fate, at that time I had the book Mountains and Rivers as a meeting ceremony with the world, and now I am writing this book while giving birth to it. confidence.I am Plum Blossom, and I am full of meaning before I see Bei Bui, and I am anxious to tell Ai Ling, because I am here for you All for her.But fearing that the mail would be censored, even the names of Liu Jingchen and Liang Shuming were avoided, and the narrative was also used Yin Yu, reading such a letter of course makes her suspicious and unhappy, she only knows that I am out of danger, and there is a way out. So on June 10 came Aileen's letter.I only read the first sentence when I took it apart, and it immediately seemed to be in the blue sky and broad daylight. The sound was loud, but it was strange that I was so quiet.Aileen wrote, I don't like you anymore.You don't like me anymore.The determination this time, I am After a year and a half of long-term consideration, at that time, because of Xiaoji, I didn't want to add to your difficulties. Disaster.Don't come looking for me, even if you write a letter, I won't read it. I just remembered that when she came to Wenzhou a year and a half ago, the two of them were walking in an alley and asked me to choose her or Xiao Zhou, but I refused. I also remembered how many times she had wept, once on the boat she left Wenzhou, and once when I left Shanghai this time.also I must have cried, because I don't know. The Xiaoji mentioned in the letter is a secret language of Xiaojie, and this kind of place can still be seen as the love of a couple in need.she is waiting for me After the star retired, he came to say goodbye to me.In the letter, she also attached 300,000 yuan to me. It was a movie script she wrote recently. A "No Love" and a "Long Live My Wife" have already been released, so there is this money.I fled to For nearly two years now, it was she who sent the money, and now she is still doing the same for the last time. Now that I have read this letter, I am not surprised.Because whenever Aileen has a letter, I always like it and respect it , I have no opinion on what Aileen does or says, I just think she is good.Today's letter, I also don't think it's wrong.I put down the letter and went for a walk on the side of the fenced vegetable field behind the house, only to feel that the sun was like water , things are clean and quiet, but I don't know it's summer, nor do I know it's spring and autumn.I think of Aileen's innocence and determination very good.She couldn't bear to fall into the fog, so she had to defend herself.Zhaozhou was a cook and a monk, cooking for a day When he saw Manjusri sitting on the rice wok, he shot it away with a wok gun, saying, Manjusri is from Manjusri, and monks are from monks. There is also a Zen saying that even if you meet Sakyamuni, you will kill him with a stick and eat him like a dog.Aileen's farewell to me is as good as this .And at this moment, I am still with her as usual, looking at her and looking at her, I can't help but praise again with joy.Here Like this, he walked around the back of the house, then returned to the room, and immediately went to his desk to continue writing the book Mountains and Rivers. But I often sighed, and when I was writing an article, I suddenly sighed, or sat up and walked, all for no reason. So suddenly he sighed again.My single is a bitter taste, neither sentimental nor sad, but like Lishui to Wenzhou The boat on the beach, I just feel that the gravel under the belly of the boat is rubbing the riverbed of life, so clear and insensitive, I can't even It is pain, but only pain. Of course I would not run to look for Aileen, nor would I want to write a letter.But in order to perfunctory the world, do not want to be different from Everyone, two days later I wrote a letter to her girlfriend Yanying.The letter said, "Aileen is a beautiful woman who sits at the red light, And you are like the plum blossoms reflected on her window paper, I only ask the plum blossoms to make a speech.There are Asura in the Buddhist scriptures, and they are collected from all over the world Flowers, I can't make wine in the sea, sometimes I am so shocked and disappointed.In Liaozhai, Xiangyu Xuanran said, the concubine is the god of flowers , so condensed, today is the soul of the flower, so empty, the king will irrigate its roots with a cup of water every day, and the concubine will live, and report to the king at this time next year Yep.Over the past few years, I have not been like usual, but I hope that Ailing will irrigate her roots and ears with a cup every day, so what can I say? "Yan Ying didn't reply, but I also knew that there would be no reply. In those days, when it was very hot in summer, I often went swimming in the nearby river.Looking at the water, I feel like a mat You can lie on the bed, thinking how it will drown people?It's hard to say whether I'm discouraged or not, a kind of state of mind, but Just regard life as death, regard death as life, have no greed in life and death, and believe in what seems to be unbelief.In the Buddhist scriptures, "Inanimate Tolerance" ", maybe that's it.However, as in the Tang poem, "A lord knows his heart like the sun and the moon", a man acts as if he were living as if he were dying. , It is not as good as Ailing's desire to die, my Ailing is better than the Indian Bodhisattvas. Aileen is mine but not mine, it's all the same, it's good to have her in the world.I still write my articles, It seems that I can show Ai Ling the moment I write about some places in the mountains and rivers, and she will praise me.sometimes wrote After a while, I went out to the street to buy a piece of cake and came back, because I saw Aileen eating snacks, so now I also buy it, and I'm not very used to foreign dim sum. Aileen also likes to drink black tea in a big glass.