Chapter 26 Chapter 13

When Zhou Rushui came out of Li Peizhu's house, he felt as if a thousand knives were cutting his heart.A few words seemed to be engraved in his mind: "Stupid, boring." He walked out of the entrance of the alley, heavy raindrops hit his head and face.He doesn't protect them, he just moves forward slowly.No rickshaws, no pedestrians. A tram passed by in the rain.A light flashed before his eyes, and then only darkness remained.Raindrops blinded his eyes. Where are you going?He felt that someone was asking him, but there was no one around him.He could not find an answer to this question.

go home?The word "home" made his heart ache even more.In a deserted pavilion, there is a bookshelf of fairy tale books, a stack of translated fairy tale manuscripts, and a few photos of women.These were the women he had loved (he lost them at last through his cowardice and hesitation), and had left scars on his heart.His heart was already covered with these scars, and now a bigger scar was added.So his heart ached even more. What did he go back there to do?The only place that hurts his heart is his home.When he went back to that place and saw the pictures of those women, he remembered the happiness he had been deprived of in his life, and he remembered the mistakes he had made in his life.Yes, there were many times when happiness shone before his eyes, and he could catch it with a lift of his hand.But he himself backed away and let others take away his happiness.His happiness was not deprived by others, but ruined by himself.He lives only to go on ruining his own happiness with his cowardice and hesitation.He didn't criticize himself too much, his home clearly kept a lot of this kind of evidence.He has been tortured by this evidence for many years.

He doesn't want to go back there.He didn't want to look at those pictures anymore, he didn't want to torture him with those painful memories.He already had that big new wound in his heart that night, and he couldn't bear any more fragmentary blows. Where is he going?Go to her house again?She had also left him to sit with her for a while longer.Why did he stubbornly come out? ..."Stupid. Boring." Aren't these four words clearly scolding him?She didn't make it obvious that she didn't need his love, even if he killed himself for her. ...she didn't love him at all.Yes, she will even despise him, if not now, she will despise him in the future. ... She did not believe that he would kill himself.She clearly knew that he would commit suicide for her, but she said she didn't believe it.He is so poor.He loves a woman, but dare not let her know his love.Friends constantly mocked him for his cowardice and indecision.She also despises him.She did not believe he would kill himself.Well, he committed suicide for her to see.

suicide.This thought is like an electric light.Friends laughed at him, saying he didn't have the courage to commit suicide.They all said that he had never done a happy thing in his life.Yes, he really never did a happy thing.Now he's going to do it.Friends, those are people who have nothing to do with him.None of them cared about him.There is no one in the whole world who loves and cares about him.In the past, he could still use his mother as a shield, and he could use the comfort of his conscience to excuse him, saying that he sacrificed everything for his mother, but now his mother is also dead.He is alone in the whole world and has nothing to do with anyone.Only those sad memories accompany him.Those memories stayed with him forever, designed to torture him forever.But now he was going to bury them, forever.

Raindrops kept hitting his head, his face, his hands, and his body.He staggered, nearly slipping and falling in the wet ground several times.His whole body was soaked, and the raindrops seemed to hit his heart.His heart ached even more. Death, suicide, there is no doubt about it, because living only makes him suffer more and suffer more... But a nameless life, a nameless death, no one loves him, no one cries for him... What a sad thing...he was always a coward, a hesitant, a fool. ... His tears flowed freely.Tears mixed with raindrops and wet his eyes. He whispered a woman's name. A small piece of news appeared in the evening paper the next day in an unnoticed place.The headline was typed in size three: "Scholar commits suicide by the banks of the Huangpu River." The news was also published in the morning paper on the third day, but the headline was changed: "Anonymous young man committed suicide by throwing himself into the river." we see.