Chapter 10 Chapter 05

Two days later in the evening, Chen Zhen went to the seaside hotel to find Zhou Rushui again.Zhou Rushui was walking out of the hotel with Zhang Ruolan and Qin Yunyu, intending to go for a walk on the seashore. When they met Chen Zhen at the door, they asked him to go with them. This time they went earlier.There was still a glimmer of daylight in the sky. The air is already cool.The fragrance of the dusk mixed with its vague colors and the low sound of the sea hitting the shore, forming a picture in which color, sound and taste are intertwined.Two or three fishing boats drifted towards the shore on the sea.From time to time, a fisherman's loud singing broke through this picture, rippling a lot in the air.

Zhang Ruolan changed into a light blue western-style gauze shirt with a lapel collar, light blue stockings and white sneakers tonight, making her look younger, more lively, fresher, and more charming.Qin Yunyu also changed into a western-style tulle shirt with a lapel collar, which was water red, and the dancing undershirt inside was also revealed.When she walked, her ample breasts seemed to tremble slightly under her undershirt.Underneath are still flesh-red stockings and white half-heeled leather shoes.She looked more beautiful. The two of them stood side by side on the shore, looking at the sky and the sea.The stature is only a little bit different, and the voice is almost the same. Each of them expresses her unique characteristics to complement each other, which attracts the admiring eyes of passers-by.What they have in common is the reserved look of a girl.They stood close together, as if they were a pair of siblings.Zhou Rushui stood beside them, talking to them with a smile.He seemed very happy tonight.

Chen Zhen deliberately stood a little further away from them.But the clear and happy laughter of the two girls kept reaching his ears, which made him excited too.But he couldn't help laughing again in a flash.He thought: "How did I come into this environment?" So various sketches appeared in front of his eyes: comrades who were discussing such and such issues enthusiastically, someone's moving speech posture in the conference hall, and people in the pavilion. The work on the paper in the hut, the propaganda talk in the hut, the piles of books, newspapers and leaflets every day, the pale and anxious face, the blood-red eyes, the simple and expectant face... and then that Long eyelashes, bright eyes, a round face that always smiles, and then a melon-seeded face with painted eyebrows and lipstick.These two faces appear alternately, and they are no longer sketches, but meticulous meticulous drawings.These two faces gradually expanded, almost covering everything.He opened his eyes wide in surprise and found that he was indeed in such an environment.In front is the sea and the sky; next to it are the two young girls full of youthful vigor.Although he could also feel a special interest in the side of these two girls, he felt that his proper place was not here, but in the narrow pavilion, in the vast meeting place, in those simple huts. .

They asked him a few words, which he answered briefly.Qin Yunyu suddenly smiled and said to him as if remembering something: "Mr. Chen, why didn't you come over? Do you hate us?" Chen Zhen smiled frankly, without showing any embarrassment.He thought for a while, walked a few steps closer, and jokingly said, "It's not that I hate it, it's that I'm afraid." Then everyone laughed.Zhou Rushui laughed one after another and said, "That's right." Qin Yunyu bent slightly with a smile, and then stood up straight again. She retorted: "Afraid? Why should you be afraid? We don't eat people. Mr. Chen, why do men pursue women? You forgot the Japanese The men that the female writer said are not good things..." Finally, she quoted the Japanese female writer.

Everyone laughed again.Zhou Rushui disagreed with her words, he argued: "Why are men not good things? Since men are not good things, why can't you women do away from men?" Chen Zhen said with a smile: "It is wrong to say that every man pursues a woman. I am an exception." "Really?" Qin Yunyu looked at him sideways and asked teasingly.Although night had come, under the faint moonlight, he could still feel her two eyeballs hovering brightly on his face, they were so alluring eyeballs.He began to feel that his heart was disturbed, so he raised his face to look at the sky, the moon had already risen from the sea, it was a pale red jade plate.He gradually regained his peace of mind, smiled lightly, and replied: "Who knows what will happen in the future. Let's see later."

Qin Yunyu was the first to burst out laughing, everyone laughed, and Chen Zhen couldn't stop laughing either. Even when Qin Yunyu was laughing, she was paying attention to Chen Zhen's actions.This cunning girl seemed to have clearly seen his weakness, so she chased him further and said, "Mr. Chen, what if someone introduces you to one? The other is beautiful and gentle, and will be considerate and help you. " Chen Zhen turned around and glanced at Qin Yunyu.His eyes met hers.Her gaze was too strong, he didn't dare to touch hers with his own, so he averted his eyes. His heart was beating so violently that he suppressed it with all kinds of thoughts.He stared blankly at the sky, seeing the full moon sailing in the blue sea-like sky, forced a smile a few times, and replied: "Mi Siqin, don't worry, no one will bother with such nonsense. "

"Mr. Chen's mouth is stronger than his writing," Zhang Ruolan interjected with a smile. "His mouth has always been unwilling to relax. He loves to quarrel with others, and we are often ridiculed by him. We have met our opponent today," Zhou Rushui happily echoed Zhang Ruolan's words, while joking with Chen Zhen. "What's so great about it? It's just arguing. And he's already running away," Qin Yunyu said pretending to be angry.Seeing that Chen Zhen didn't answer, but only smiled at the side, she asked again seductively: "If I take care of this business, let me introduce you to one, Mr. Chen, what do you think?"

Chen Zhen looked up at the sky again, but he still felt that pair of eyes were scratching his face.He smiled, trying to suppress his troubled heart.He reluctantly said: "Okay, thank you." He heard Zhou Rushui asking one after another: "Who? Who is it?" He also heard Zhang Ruolan smiling and saying: "I know Yunyu has many tricks." He secretly With a smile, he lowered his head and pretended not to understand and challenged and asked: "So, Mi Siqin, who do you introduce to me?" Qin Yunyu just smiled and said nothing at first, and then raised her voice and said: "But, Mr. Chen, you haven't answered my previous question. I want you to ask me to introduce you to a girlfriend first, and then I will tell you who I introduced. "

"However, I need to know who you introduced before I can answer your question," Chen Zhen said stubbornly. The two jokingly argued, at first Zhang Ruolan and Zhou Rushui watched with a smile on their face, and then they joined in and said something, so the topic gradually turned to other things. Soon the moon entered the clouds, and the sky suddenly became dark.They had just returned to the hotel when it began to rain heavily. Chen Zhen couldn't go home because of the rain, so he had to stay in the seaside hotel and sleep on the big sofa in Zhou Rushui's room. The light was turned off, and after a while, Zhou Rushui was still turning over on the bed, when Chen Zhen suddenly coughed two or three times in a low voice on the sofa.

"Really, really," Zhou Rushui called out twice.Chen Zhen answered vaguely. "Really, your health has just gotten better recently, don't be careful, you see you have a cold again now. Do you often cough at night these days?" Zhou Rushui asked with concern. Chen Zhen stopped coughing, and he replied calmly: "Not necessarily, sometimes I cough, sometimes I don't. But I went to bed early today, and I usually don't go to bed until two or three o'clock." "Why did it take so long? You should also take care of your health," Zhou Rushui said sympathetically.

"However, there are so many things. If you do it alone, how can you finish it by two or three o'clock?" Chen Zhen's voice began to become distressed. "There are things to do, but you should also take care of your body. Your body is weak and sick," Zhou Rushui persuaded. "But things are related to each other. If I want to rest alone, many things will stop. I am ashamed to be lazy, and I can't give up my responsibilities." Chen Zhen's distressed voice trembled in the room. "Actually, if you are young, smart, and your family is not short of money, you can go to a foreign country to study for a few more years while maintaining your health. You only lived in Japan for half a year, which is too short. ...why did you join the social movement at such a young age?" "I'm not young anymore, I'm twenty-three years old this year. But I had the desire to devote myself when I was fourteen." "Fourteen? Why is it so early?" Zhou Rushui asked in surprise, "Why didn't you tell me before? It's so early. I think your past life may have been very painful. You didn't tell me about your past life in detail before. pass me." "What does personal pain matter? He who takes his own pain too seriously can do nothing. You know I was born with a dead mother, and I have never tasted the most precious mother's love in childhood. Natural father I love me very much, and I love him too. But he is very busy all day, so of course he has no time to take care of me... The rich old family is as dark as the autocratic kingdom. I have lived there for sixteen years. I don’t say I The pain I got there, my personal pain is not important. I saw how many people suffered there, struggled, and eventually perished. Some people did not even enjoy the happiness of youth. I saw those people How authoritarian, rampant, and strife. I am a person with blood, flesh, and feelings. Since I was a child, I have loved and hated... My hatred is as deep as my love. And I have stepped out of the family into The society, my love and my hatred have become bigger. This love and hatred have tortured me for many years. Although I have an incurable disease now, and I may soon approach the end of my life, I have put my I put my love and hate in my work and articles, and spread it among the world. My seeds will sprout, grow, blossom and bear fruit. At that time, there will be people who will receive my love and my hate..." he said Here comes another cough. " Zhou Rushui felt that he saw Chen Zhen struggling with the shadow of death in the dark.There was no sound from the sofa.A wave of terror and pity seized his heart, and he actually shed tears for his friend. "Really, really," he called out twice in succession, in a miserable voice. "What?" Finally Chen Zhen replied in surprise. Zhou Rushui was silent for a while, and it took a lot of effort to say the following words, and it was not said, but earned: "Go to sleep, you need to rest, I don't care. I don't do anything for a day .It's just that you should get some rest." He said again: "Is it not easy to sleep on the sofa? Let's switch between the two of you. Can you sleep on the bed?" He was about to get out of bed. "It doesn't matter, it's fine here. Don't get up," Chen Zhen said one after another, expressing that he would definitely not change. Zhou Rushui knew Chen Zhen's temperament, so he couldn't get up.He just said: "Okay, go to sleep quickly." He cried softly in the tent. At dawn the next morning, Zhou Rushui woke up in bed.He heard the sound of Chen Zhen turning over on the sofa. "True," he whispered. Chen Zhen answered over there. "Did you sleep well last night?" he asked, raising the curtain.Chen Zhen was lying on the sofa facing the wall.He couldn't see Chen Zhen's face. "Okay, about four hours of sleep." "Then you should have a good sleep now," Zhou Rushui said comfortingly.But after a while, he thought of another thing, and said to Chen Zhen: "You are thinking about Qin Yunyu, so you can't sleep?" He couldn't help but chuckle. "Qin Yunyu?" Chen Zhen asked in surprise and somewhat with interest, "Why do you suddenly think of her?" Zhou Rushui forgot what Chen Zhen said last night.The face of the girl with bright eyes and bright teeth appeared in his mind, with thinly drawn eyebrows and a small mouth with lipstick, sometimes pursing her mouth deliberately, sometimes tilting her head, two bright eyes sparkling in front of everyone His face turned, and...he couldn't help smiling and said to Chen Zhen: "I think she's quite interested in you." "Are you interested in me?" Chen Zhen suddenly laughed like a child. "You think so? What a joke. She was just kidding me once." "Not necessarily, seeing how she treats you, even I envy you." "Then you go ahead," Chen Zhen said with a smile. Zhou Rushui pondered for a while before saying: "To be honest, I like her too. But I already have Zhang Ruolan, and I won't snatch her from you. I advise you to hurry up and don't lose this good opportunity." Chen Zhen smiled, but didn't speak. "Have you admitted it?" Zhou Rushui said more proudly. "Forget it, don't make such jokes." "Are you kidding me? I'm telling the truth." "So what do you think I can expect from petty bourgeois women?" A quarter later, the clock struck, and they did not pay attention to the exact number of strikes. "Really." Zhou Rushui said in a moving voice, "I advise you to proceed. Your work is too hard.You should find a lover, find a partner to comfort you.Qin Yunyu said it very well, you should also seek some comfort in women's love.You should not train yourself only with gloomy thoughts.The gloom in your article is frightening.And I thought she understood you too.After all, you are young, you should live a happy life, and you should also enjoy the tender love of women.When a person comes into the world, after all, he does not just give but not receive.You should understand this meaning. "Zhou Rushui forgot at this moment that he himself didn't understand the meaning at all. "Why do you have to suffer so much? You are not alone in the world. Besides, even Li Jianhong, who usually advises others to work hard, thinks that you don't have to suffer so hard on purpose." Seeing that Chen Zhen didn't answer, Zhou Rushui added these two words sentence. "I also understand what you mean, and I am very grateful for your kindness," Chen Zhen said slowly. "However, we are completely different people. You need a woman, and when you have her, your temperament may change a little, because you are like a boat with a broken hood now, and you need a hood," heard Zhou Rushui wanted to argue here, but he was stopped by Chen Zhen just now.Chen Zhen went on to say: "As for me, what I need is work. My problem is not only solved by women's love. And I work all day like me, and I don't have enough time. There is no time to talk about love.  … …I was not born into this world as a luxury. I hope that when I return my short life to the Creator in the future, I can say frankly: I did not live my life wasted. As for women Although this is something worth wishing for, but I am not blessed to enjoy it, let others enjoy it." Zhou Rushui pondered for a while, then plucked up the courage to say: "Of course your words are reasonable, but you should also know that things can never be finished. Of course there will be results if you work hard like you are doing now. But for this It is not worth sacrificing the next ten or even decades. If you live better, you can live longer. If you live longer, you will have more time to do things. After all, your way of life It's not economical either. And you should know that we all love you and want you to live well and be happy." Zhou Rushui's voice trembled slightly.His words were very sincere, and Chen Zhen was deeply moved.Chen Zhen wanted to interrupt him several times, moved his mouth several times, but finally listened quietly.After Zhou Rushui closed his mouth, his words were still lingering in Chen Zhen's heart.Chen Zhen felt a burst of warmth, as if something was constantly spreading out from his heart.He lost the power to control himself.Then the tears flowed like torrents.He hastily turned his body inside to prevent Zhou Rushui from seeing his eyes.He was silent for a while, and when his tears dried up, he took a long breath, and then replied with effort: "I know, I understand what you said completely. To be honest, I also understand what you are saying. But my Passion ruined me. You don't know how I lived when passion was burning in me. At that time I only longed for work. At that time I didn't care about anything. At that time I no longer have any considerations of gains and losses, and I don’t even care about life. At that time, only work can satisfy me. I am like a volcano under the snow. Once the enthusiasm burns and melts the snow, then the Outbursts, even I am afraid. In fact, I also understand how to do things to have a greater effect, but I can't control that much when I do things. I will always be blinded by enthusiasm, and I will never see the future. So I I am willing to sacrifice my future decades for my current job. This is the cause of my incurable disease, and this is the culmination of my tragedy." Chen Zhen's distressed voice trembled with despair in this silent room , making Zhou Rushui's heart full of despair. "You remind me of Basha in the novel "Morning Shadow"..." Zhou Rushui said this part of the sentence sadly, and was about to continue, but was interrupted by Chen Zhen's exclamation. "Basha? How did you think of Basha? I am completely different from him, and I will not die so early like him." Chen Zhen screamed, his voice was full of cries for life, making the whole room The air also became miserable. Zhou Rushui was spinning in painful thoughts, unable to find a way out.But suddenly he understood.He knew that at this moment Chen Zhen was very nostalgic for life, for everything in the world, and even for women.He himself is absolutely unwilling to abandon all these and leave the world, but in fact he finally used his work to destroy his body, driving himself to the grave day by day. "Why does he have such a big conflict? Could it be that his love and hatred are so deep?" Zhou Rushui thought painfully and desperately, he felt that this mystery could not be solved. After some time, people's voices gradually sounded from all around, as if everyone in the hotel got up.Sunlight shone into the room from the white screen curtains and shone on the writing desk.Chen Zhen turned over and sat up suddenly, without any sad expression on his face.He bit the skin of his lips and said briefly: "There is no need to mention these things." He added two more sentences: "Let the past be buried. In front of us is the endless long road." road." He walked to Zhou Rushui's bed and opened the curtain.The expression on his face was firm and determined, without any hesitation or timidity.Zhou Rushui couldn't help wondering: How could this small body accommodate so much pain, yet be so calm and firm on the surface?He was moved, he admired. He thought he couldn't do it anyway, because his complicated problem came and got more complicated every time he thought about himself lately. He stared blankly at Chen Zhen's face, and suddenly had an idea.He thought that he might get one or two powerful words from Chen Zhen now to solve his complicated problem.Then he asked with a smile: "Tell me, how should I solve my problem?" He eagerly looked forward to Chen Zhen's answer. "Your question? Well, let me ask you first: Do you really need a woman?" Chen Zhen asked him bluntly. "If I decide not to go home, of course I will find a woman." Zhou Rushui's answer was still hesitant. "Here it goes again," Chen Zhen paused for a moment, then continued with a smile, "So do you really love Zhang Ruolan?" He smiled, pondered for a while, then nodded and replied, "I think I love you." "Tell me, how does she treat you? I think she treats you very well, doesn't she?" Zhou Rushui nodded with a smile. "Go ahead, then. Have you poured out your love to her?" "That's not true," Zhou Rushui replied bluntly, "I only occasionally hinted at her vaguely. I tried to express my love to her clearly many times, but I never had the courage. And it seemed earlier." "What are you waiting for now? You are not young, so you should show a little courage." Chen Zhen couldn't help laughing, "What's the use of just hinting? No matter what, there will always be explicit expressions." That day. Don't miss the good opportunity. I advise you to go ahead and don't hesitate any longer." "It should be done," Zhou Rushui said to himself with a smile.But he was groaning again. "What's the result if it's done?" This is asking himself. "What's the result?" Chen Zhen laughed again, "It's either success or failure." Then he added: "I think you have a good chance of success." In Chen Zhen's view, Zhou Rushui's success is very sure.And he believes that this successful prophecy will definitely bring more courage to Zhou Rushui.Who knew it was actually quite the opposite.When it comes to success, it means getting closer to reality. To get closer to reality is to move from the realm of thought to the realm of action. This is to make a final decision, and there is no longer any hesitation.People like Zhou Rushui cannot make such an easy decision.He hesitated again.He felt that this hesitation was very justified, because after a rash decision, she would officially enter his life, and he would have to change his way of life, and live the unknown new life with her. Life. It takes new courage to live a new life.Whether he has the courage himself, he is really not sure now.Moreover, he has never told her the truth about his life experience. During his usual conversations, he only hinted to her that he was never married. He did not intend to deceive her by doing this.He himself didn't know why he did this. He thought maybe it was because he hoped that the reality should be like this, so he unconsciously took the dream as reality.But now that he wants to marry her, he can no longer hide it from her.There can be no secrets between two men and women living together, so he should tell her the truth first, he should tell her right away.He didn't have the courage to admit that he had lied before.Moreover, he couldn't imagine her attitude after knowing the truth.She might hate him and despise him for it.He couldn't bear the blow.In short, after much deliberation, the more he worried, the more he finally found the words "no courage", and he seemed to feel hopeless. "Success? Not necessarily," he said timidly and suspiciously, "If she knows that I have a wife in my family—" "If I have a wife, what does it matter?" Chen Zhen rushed to speak and interrupted him. "As long as she really loves you. Besides, you're practically nothing to do with the wife at home." "Do you think a girl would marry a man with a wife?" "If she loves you, why would she not?" "But I never told her the truth before." "Then tell her now." "Maybe she will hate me and blame me." Zhou Rushui became more timid. "Then you can ask her to forgive you. If she can't even forgive you, then it will be fun to just pull it off." Chen Zhen couldn't bear it anymore, but he still tried his best to suppress his irritability and said the above words. He hoped that Zhou Rushui's thoughts would not change. What will change. "I think she may not be willing to forgive me. Since she knows this clearly, why bother to pull it back? It's good to keep the current relationship. Besides, my problem is too complicated, and it can't be solved for a while. She wants me to break away from my wife at home. , It’s too hard on my conscience. So I think it’s better for me to think about it slowly and carefully.” Zhou Rushui showed a very anxious and serious look, fully showing his usual attitude of turning small things into big things.Afterwards, he murmured to himself: "But without her, how can I live in the future? I can't do anything for her these days." Then he praised, as if to himself: "How pure, How beautiful." A smile played on his lips. Chen Zhen bit the skin of his lips hard, in order not to say a word.He understood that it was completely useless to talk to Zhou Rushui, it was just a waste of his own time.He once wanted to avert Zhou Rushui's eyes with the straightforward heart of a young man, so that Zhou Rushui could see his situation and understand how to bring him happiness.He is anxious about the man's future, and takes the man's happiness as his own to show the way to it.However, Zhou Rushui used his conscience and complicated problems as a shield to protect himself, and blocked all the advice like enemy arrows.For this person, what else can he do now?They are completely different people, people from two eras, and it is impossible for them to be together.He can get nothing from this man, and he can't help this man, can't give him anything.So he made up his mind, bid farewell to Zhou Rushui and left without any nostalgia.He didn't even wash his face, and he didn't care how Zhou Rushui called him loudly on the bed to keep him.He thought he wouldn't be here any time soon. Chen Zhen walked out of Zhou Rushui's room, feeling much refreshed, so he strode downstairs, and then went to the grass.Seeing the golden light on the walls of this building and the fresh green on the ground, he forgot what happened just now.He was walking towards the gate, when suddenly someone called him from behind, it was a clear female voice, and the words "Mr. Chen" were very clear.He looked back and saw Qin Yunyu standing in front of the window in a room on the second floor.She exposed her upper body, and she could see a small part of the water-red lapel gauze dress. She had no eyebrows, no lipstick, and her face had a fresh color, which looked very greasy under the fluffy thick hair.She put her hands on the window sill, and when she saw him turn around, she waved to him with her right hand. He turned around and took a few steps back. "Going for a walk?" she asked with a smile, running one hand through the hair roots behind her ears. "No, I went back," Chen Zhen replied with a smile. "Go back?" she asked with a deliberately surprised look, "Why so early? Don't play for a few more days? "Two eyes were shining on his face. There was another face beside her, which belonged to Zhang Ruolan. "Mr. Chen, wouldn't it be good to play for two more days? You only stayed for one night." Zhang Ruolan smiled and asked to stay. "I have something to do, I have to go back today. I will come again next time," Chen Zhen explained with a smile, but in his heart he thought: "What's the point of playing more with you? I'm not a luxury, so let Zhou Do it like water." He turned and walked outside. "Mr. Chen," Qin Yunyu called out from behind again. He stopped with a promise, turned around, and saw Qin Yunyu smiling at him. Zhang Ruolan's face was exposed from behind Qin Yunyu's ear.Qin Yunyu didn't speak, just looked at him and smiled, after a while, she said: "Don't forget to come to my house to play." Chen Zhen responded, nodded again, and then turned and walked outside.When he reached the gate, he automatically turned his head to look at the window, and she was still standing in front of the window looking at him. She waved to him again, then turned her head and whispered a few words in Zhang Ruolan's ear, then turned her head to look at him again.He is still standing in front of the gate. Walking out of the gate, he seemed to have left a world.Their faces and voices seemed to be still in his mind, and he couldn't bear to leave them immediately: he still had a little nostalgia for them.But after some time other thoughts came to his mind, and their faces gradually faded away.He whispered to himself: "Farewell, petit bourgeois women." He felt so relieved that he no longer thought about them, as if they had never existed.