Chapter 8 Chapter 03

Tolstoy said in his novel that Count Pierre decided to marry Princess Helen after he smelled the meat of Princess Helen at the ball. D'Annunzio's play "The Victory of Death" also has words such as the fragrance of a woman's muscles is enough to seduce and comfort others. Zhou Rushui has never read these two classics, but he has read the above words in a Japanese book on sexual issues.He experienced it now.Although it has been a day since the incident, and he is now reading alone in the room, the musky, non-musky meaty smell seems to rippling in his nose, making him forget the black and white words on the book, and indulge in the wonderful memory inside.At the same time a happy thought came to remind him, telling him that this beautiful memory would soon become an even more beautiful reality.

He had spoken to her once yesterday, after returning from the woods, in the evening when they were walking on the lawn after supper. It is especially easy to smell the fragrance of grass at dusk, and the air is also very soft.They stood in front of a bush of roses, and the rich, sweet fragrance came to their nostrils in bursts. "The principle of creation is really mysterious. A flower as delicate as a rose has thorns," Zhang Ruolan said, pointing to the crimson flowers in full bloom. "Probably because they are delicate and beautiful, they are afraid of being picked, so they grow thorns to protect themselves," Zhou Rushui explained.

"Then why doesn't the peony have thorns?" Zhang Ruolan asked again. He couldn't answer this question.He hesitated for a while before saying: "This is the difference between delicate and beautiful and rich." When he said it, he felt that the explanation was inappropriate, and seeing her noncommittal look, he diverted the topic with other words.He also said: "Rose, I don't like it. Although it is beautiful, it is useless at all. I want to write a fairy tale "The Rose and the Mulberry Tree" to make use of this meaning, saying that roses are not good for people, but they are not as good as mulberry trees. The mulberry tree has many uses."

"You can't say that. As for the usefulness, you can't talk so narrowly. But I don't like roses either, I think it is too delicate and beautiful. I like chrysanthemums. People say that chrysanthemums are blooming, and I like this one. Three words. I also like plum blossoms very much. My grandfather’s poems about plum blossoms include the lonely love and light winter snow, and the proud and proud spring flowers. " "But I don't think Mieszhang is very cold," Zhou Rushui interjected with a smile, "Mieszhang is still a warm person." Zhang Ruolan just smiled and didn't answer, but turned her head and flashed her two shiny black eyes at him.

This flash made his heart flexible, and he plucked up the courage to say the following meaningful words: "I also love plum blossoms very much. I have wanted to pluck a branch for a long time to put on my desk, but every time I go to When it was broken, there were only empty branches left on the tree. The flowers were all broken." He was not yet able to keep his heart from beating and his voice from trembling when he said this.After he said that, he lowered his head in fear, not even daring to raise his head to look at her for a long time. She didn't answer right away.She recalled the meaning of the words.A blush came to her face.She glanced at him secretly, not intending to blame him.With a smile on her face, she answered him with the same implied words: "Mr. Zhou is only to blame for the delay. Since Mr. Zhou has his eyes on one, why didn't he fold it earlier? Why didn't he fold it before others folded it?" ?If it is late, someone will break it first. The season of flowering is not long, and it will thank you if it is late, so flowers can’t wait for others. Mr. Zhou doesn’t remember that flowers can be broken when they bloom Old poems?" She finished with a smile to hide the beating of her heart.

Zhou Rushui couldn't believe his ears at first, he thought she wouldn't say such things to him.He secretly looked at her suspiciously for a while, seeing her smiling gently and looking away pretending not to care, but her face was lightly stained with a rosy color, his heart was filled with joy.He raised his head and said to her with a smile, "I understand the truth now. Thank you, Mi Sizhang, for teaching me." She smiled again, without turning her head to look at him.The two of them now understand each other's psychology, but they pretend not to understand, as if they don't know that their words contain puns.

Afterwards they talked some more.He knew that her parents were long dead, and that she had grown up in her uncle's house.Her uncle and aunt treated her very well.She also has a cousin and a cousin, both of whom are studying in middle schools in their hometown.As for his life experience, he didn't tell her, and she never asked him. Human psychology is often wonderful and unpredictable.This is especially true of Zhou Rushui's mentality. At this moment, when the wonderful memory was about to become an even more beautiful reality, he began to doubt, and he became timid.So his life experience, which he had almost completely forgotten for the past two or three years, suddenly came to his mind.

In the distant city of Yunnan province lived his parents.They are alive and well. He also has a brother and two sisters.It cannot be said that his circumstances were not happy.When he was young, he went to elementary school, and later he went to middle school, during which he was also doted on by his mother.After graduating from middle school, he left his hometown and went to the capital to enter university.Less than two years after studying in the university, he obtained the official fee for studying abroad in the province, left China, and went to Japan to study in the east.He lived in Tokyo for seven consecutive years. In addition to graduating from university and completing courses in the Department of Education, he also lived a free life for two or three years.During this period, he gained a lot of knowledge, saw a lot of things, and made a lot of friends.

It all helps him develop into a hard worker.He also joined a socialism research group, but he did not participate in the group's activities.Sometimes he looks back at his surroundings, imagines his future, and feels that he is a happy person.Some friends said in letters or conversations that his environment was very good. But things are not as simple as they appear.The same goes for people.This so-called happy environment was only one side of his life, while the other side took hold of him like a ghost and tried to bring him down, so that he sometimes plunged completely into the abyss of sorrow.At the age of seventeen, before he graduated from middle school, his parents chose a wife for him.So at such a young age he became the husband of a woman.A year later, he became the father of another boy.He originally disapproved of this marriage, but he was pampered by his parents since he was a child, and his parents made arrangements and decisions for him, so he became an indecisive person.Like the rest of the arrangements, his parents did not ask his advice about marrying him, they handled everything arbitrarily.In the end, he found an ugly, thin, and unkind woman on the newlyweds' bed.

His parents thought that getting married was a sign of adulthood, and he started on the path of Rongda ever since. But to a young man, such things hurt his heart greatly, and hurt his pride.Although he is so indecisive, he is a young man after all. He has youthful dreams. He dreams of how to create a great career outside. He dreams of having a gentle and beautiful woman who can understand him as his wife. companion.However, this dream was destroyed by his parents without mercy.They arranged for him a wife at home to restrain his outwardly developing heart, and predetermined an ordinary and stable future for him.They did all this without a moment's hesitation, as if he himself were not a man but a puppet.It hurt him so much.Although he loves his parents very much, he loves his youth more, and he can never sacrifice it without any regrets.The sacrifice is too great.When the son came, his parents were happy to have a grandson, but he felt even more sad.This is his painful achievement, this is his reward for burying his youth.He couldn't have the slightest affection for such a small thing.Seeing this child, he naturally thought of his own great sacrifice, and sorrow came over him.But in such an environment, he still has a way to dispel his sorrow.He loves his parents, especially his mother.Whenever pain struck he used his love for his mother as a shield.He felt that he had paid such a big sacrifice in exchange for something, and he got the comfort of his conscience.

After the son came, the May Fourth Movement followed.This brought him new hope, and at the same time brought him new understanding.As if a ligature had fallen from his eyes, he found a new world around him.And with renewed courage he went on with his life.His first plan was to go to the capital to study. Soon he graduated, and without much trouble he got his parents' permission to leave his hometown.The scene before leaving was tragic.His father took Qi Rong without saying a word, his mother cried and told him all kinds of things, his wife whom he didn't love cried and grabbed his sleeve and didn't want him to leave.So emotional that he almost gave up his plan to go out of the province, but he finally left. After leaving the province, he lived in the capital for almost two years, and in Japan for another seven years. During this time he had not received a letter from his wife (she could not read), nor had he had a single photograph of his child.After he arrived in Japan, his father sent only seven or eight letters a year, and sometimes he only mentioned in the letters that his wife was still alive to eat.Because of busy homework in college or other reasons, he only wrote eight or nine letters home every year, and then gradually reduced to only two or three letters home every year.He never mentioned his wife in his letters.It was as if there was no such person at home.But in fact, whenever he comes into contact with a woman, he naturally thinks that at home he has a wife he doesn't love and a son he doesn't know, as if his fate has been sealed.He even preferred to see a Japanese girl he loved betrothed to someone else but he did not dare to accept her love, so that he regretted seeing her become someone else's wife and cried bitterly.He didn't blame himself for lack of courage, but he thought he was comforted by his conscience.He sacrificed everything for the wife he didn't love, and he even rejoiced that he had become a passionate person because of this.But after some time, the old traces had just disappeared, and he pursued new women with new courage.The result is the same again: I get mental pain, and at the same time get the comfort of conscience.Thus constituted the two sides of his life.So when he cried bitterly for losing his love, he still thought he was a happy person after all; similarly, when he got the love of a new woman, he thought he was the most painful person in the world. In the past two years, due to the growth of age, his temperament has also changed somewhat, but generally it is still "unchanged".Now, just as the new female love was about to warm his heart, the past haunted his soul again like a ghost. A wife I don't love, a son I don't know; and old and healthy parents, which I love.These four people appeared in his mind in turn.But behind these four faces suddenly appeared another lovely face, still with long eyelashes, big eyes, slightly raised nose, and smiling lips.This face occupied his mind more violently than the faces of the previous four people, and he could not get rid of it anyway, especially the upward flash of those shining black eyes, which almost killed him completely. Conquered, he almost forgot the masculine pride he usually bragged about, and bowed down before this face. So he thought: everything is decided, since he smelled her meat, he should not hesitate any more.He should propose to his Helen immediately, like Pierre in the novel. Even if he thinks like this, he can't decide his own affairs.After a short time, the uneasiness of conscience suddenly struck again.Abandoning the wife at home and marrying another woman is not a small matter.And he would have to sever ties with the family to do so.Not to mention his wife, his parents would not approve of it.This is a great blow to them, and it will make them very sad.If he took the liberty of doing it with regard to his own happiness, he would be an unfilial son to his parents, and an unjust husband to his wife, though he did not love her.He will not be able to go home to meet his beloved parents in the future. And from then on he would be morally bankrupt and would become a social outcast.The blow was too great for him, and he really couldn't bear it. At this time, he thought of giving up on her again, and even wondered whether she really loved him, whether she really had the courage to accept such a blow with him. He thought about it, but couldn't think of a clue.He couldn't make up his mind at all, not knowing what to do.Later he thought of his friend Chen Zhen who lived in the Shanghai Concession: Chen Zhen might come up with an idea for him.He wrote to that friend.After the letter was written, he thought it was wrong and tore it up again, and wrote another letter.The words inside were completely different from what I thought in my heart.