I live in a dilapidated building at No. 1, Lixin Street.During the Gengzi period, a group of foreign masters took hold here, attracting tens of thousands of Boxer uncles to surround it.They brought in red cannons, black cannons, generals, river dragons, three-eyed blunderbusses, elm guns, big poles, stars all over the sky, a thunder, swarms of bees, marlezi, two kicks, and old men Flower hundred stars, iron cannons, copper cannons, firework cannons, shotguns, soil guns and water guns, filled with fireworks medicine, firecracker medicine, yam medicine, shotgun medicine, rat poison, dog skin plaster, filled with grenades, shotguns, incendiary bombs, grape bombs, Eggs, plowshare sand, and lead sand were fired at the head of it, making holes in it, but it still stood upright.More than eighty years later, it still stands rickety, and I still have to live in it.

To be fair, this house is shabby, but spacious.I live alone in a large attic, except that it is too cold in winter and too hot in summer, and I can't say anything wrong with it.But I hate it deeply, because when I lived here more than ten years ago, my father and mother died, and I became an orphan since then.I had nightmares every night living here, so I made up my mind that I would never fall in love or get married until I moved out.In ancient times, a general went out to fight and ordered to "destroy this court food", and he would never serve food unless he killed all the sons of bitches on the opposite side!His soldiers all have a belt that cinches their stomachs tightly, so they are all so slender and cute.So is my resolve.In the midwinter evening, Hu and I sat by the fireside, and I said it would be an insult to me to be married in this cottage.When the ancients described men and women playing jade and blowing xiao, there was a poem that said: "The small building blows through the jade sheng cold."It is inappropriate to play the jade sheng in front of this dilapidated building, you can only play the foreign tin horn, it is not like falling in love, but like collecting rags.The ancients said, to be the son-in-law of the east bed, there is only one bed in this attic, how to do it?The ancients described husbands and wives as respectful to each other, eloquent and eloquent.The case must be in my room, carefully turn your head.The ancients described couples playing with each other, there is a word cloud: chew red velvet, smile and spit at Tan Lang.If a lady marries into my kennel by mistake, I'm afraid it's not the red velvet that spit out, but a mouthful of sticky phlegm.

Little nonsense, she felt the same way.She wants to get married off, so she can't live in this crappy house.As the saying goes, getting married means leaving the pavilion, which means moving out of this broken pavilion.An ancient poem says: The carved railings and jade brickwork should still be there, but the red face has changed.May I ask this building, where is the railing?Where is the jade?An ancient saying goes: a beautiful woman is rare, and the country is overwhelmed.Others have dumped even the country, but she can't dump a broken building. She really has no reason!So she just waited for that day and wanted to "go out with a smile on her face"!Those who go out, get married.He left the kennel with a long laugh, and his fiancé came to pick him up in a large Mercedes-Benz.Efang Palace, eight hundred miles away, Weiyang Palace, as deep as water.Since ancient times, there have been beauties living in mansions. Could it be that we are a disheveled ghost?

After listening to her long song line, I was really a little unhappy.At that time, the two of us were cooking mutton on a briquette stove, and there were things like leek sauce and marinated shrimp oil on the stove.I peeped at her, and saw that she was tall and strong, with two big breasts protruding from the sweater, like two large cabbages protruding from a basket, and thick arms and legs.When he got hot from eating, his face was flushed, and a big braid was combed on his head, making him look even bigger.She was riding on my chair, which was so flimsy that both the chair and I were on tenterhooks, waiting for the click.Before the click is the chair, after the click is the chopping wood.It seems that she didn't have the capital, so she hooked up a younger brother of Gao Gao and moved out, leaving me alone in this broken building with the mouse as a companion.Her bragging is purely out of a narcissistic tendency.

After eating the mutton, she resigned and went back to her room to paint.This woman is so elegant, is she a lady of the He family?She draws billboards for movie theaters.Like me, I am a bare pole with no relatives and no reason.I am a young student with extraordinary ambitions, what position in the official position suppresses He Jueye?I grind soy milk in a soy product factory.I am not as good as her, she has been in the art college for a few years, I am just a skilled worker, except for turning on the water switch to soak the beans, and closing the switch to turn on the steel to grind the soybean milk, probably there is nothing to brag about.After she left that day, I stood in front of the window and saw silver flowers flying outside the window, the sky and the earth were the same color, and I thought of how lonely and desolate Wang Er was when he was selling dog meat soup in the snow more than a thousand years ago.At that time, it was the heyday of the early Tang Dynasty, and there were people from all over the city in Chang'an.Wang Er set up a few straw rafts under the eaves of other people's houses in the alley, and placed a crock pot in the charcoal fire pool, which contained the dog meat soup he wanted to sell.At that time, it was getting late, and there was already a faint gray behind the curtain of snow swirling outside.Wang Er sat on the bench, his felt shoes were soaked with snow, and he was indescribably cold.He put his feet in the coals to roast them.But the charcoal fire will be extinguished, and there is no warmth.No one came for his dog soup, not one.

The snow on the ground is getting thicker and thicker, and it is getting dark.A Negro came out of the back door of the opposite house.It was freezing cold, but he only wore a loincloth; his skin was as black as ink and as bright as lacquer, which contrasted vividly in the snow.Only the muscles on black people are called muscles, they are lumpy but not clumsy.He has a short layer of curly hair on his head, a round nose and round face, and a pair of round eyes. He looks very playful.The black man said: "Boss Wang, have you sold out yet? If there is still soup left after selling out, please give me a bowl. I can't stand the cold. Your soup is really a good product to keep out the cold!"

This black buddy often came to ask for soup, and Wang Er usually gave it to him.But today he was in a bad mood and didn't want to give him this bowl of soup, so he said: "Kunlun slave, you always come to drink soup, but you don't pay for it. Is this bowl of soup for nothing? To cook this bowl of soup, you need to use dog meat. Come and think about it: this little dog was born in the mother's womb, and it was hard for him to grow up. It’s so big, but people don’t allow it to be intimate with a little bitch, so they beat it to death and boiled it into the soup pot! Look at my earthen pot for simmering soup. It was made from the cold mud at the bottom of the river before the Qingming Festival, so it survived the fire. Fried. The river water was so cold when digging the mud, only a boy can resist it. So the old bricklayer dared not get close to women all his life. If you look at the pepper and laurel leaves in this soup, they are all born in the south and crossed the ocean To Quanzhou, take the thousands of miles of water and dry road to the Yellow River. The Yellow River sailing boat passes through the three gates, and has to go up the rapids to Guanzhong. Thousands of people hold, ten thousand people support. If one accidentally falls into the water, there will be no bones left. A bowl of soup It’s not a pity, but how much blood and tears are in the middle! It’s not right for you to drink bowl after bowl when you have nothing to do!”

Kunlun Nu said: "Boss Wang, I know this soup is not easy to come by, but I am cold and need this bowl of soup to keep out the cold. I was born on the grasslands of East Africa. I have never seen snow or ice? It is all because of the chief Sold me as a slave. I rocked a boat on the Mediterranean Sea, whipped my back, and poured sea water on it! They sold me in Byzantium, and I crossed the black sea with ink-colored water, walked barefoot through the burning desert, crawled over Glaciers and snow-capped mountains, wading through rivers of quicksand that sinks people. Now in the great city of Chang'an, it is snowing heavily, but I have no clothes to keep out the cold. Cats and dogs have plenty of food, but I am starving! God, please Testify my suffering! Is it true that a slave is not worthy to drink a bowl of dog meat soup to keep out the cold in the middle of winter? Who do you want me to ask for mercy? Master? The heart of a rich man is made of leather. Boss Wang, a What is a bowl of soup to you? You won’t get poor because of it!”

A lot of snowflakes flew to Kunlun Nu, where they melted and turned into snow water and flowed down.Wang Er pulled him into the hut, let him sit beside him, took his big bowl, and gave him a bowl of hot soup.He patted the black man on the back and said, "Kunlun slave, drink!" When the Kunlun slave was drinking soup, Wang Er looked at the outline of the building behind the chaotic snow curtain, and felt indescribable emotion in his heart. This feeling of overlooking the mansion is no different from ancient to modern.I stood in front of the window and saw a flat snow field under my feet, and a new building on the other side of the snow field.That building is not pretty, but it reminds me of many place names. There is cement from Liuzhou, Guangxi on the upper floor. If it is snowing there too, the snowflakes will dance among the bamboo forests, and the migratory birds who come to escape the cold from the south will be at a loss to look at it.Glass in Qinhuangdao—When I think of Qinhuangdao, I think of big ships sailing on the gray sea in winter.The steel doors and windows are related to the purple smoke of Shijingshan.The radiators for heating are produced in Nanpi County, Hebei Province.I have never been to Nanpi, but the place name has a sense of history - Cao Cao and Yuan Shao fought there.Yuan Shao's soldiers wore iron armor with fish scales, and Cao Cao's soldiers had copper stars on their leather armor.But my roof is full of holes, reminiscent of Yuguangqu - Daddy left this net, and it will last the winter on it.The briquettes in the iron bucket remind people of the fat shopkeeper in a long gown in a coal shop, and Mouer Heizi, a bully landlord.Wang Er stood under the eaves of the broken roof, wearing overalls, with a gloomy face on his slender face, while a girl in a red sweater was leaning against the snow-white window screens in the new building to look at the snow scene in the distance.This feeling is no different from ancient to modern.The snow scene is also the same as ancient and modern.Kunlun slave drank a bowl of hot soup, and his ebony-like body became shiny.Wang Er was very happy to see it, so he said:

"Kunlun slave, come to my house, I want to entertain you." The Kunlun slave was also very happy, put away the wooden bowl, and followed Wang Er through the snow-covered alley.At that time, he was like a black chess piece on a white jade chessboard.Walking to the door of Wang Er's wooden hut, he exclaimed: "So there are poor people in China too!" Wang Er lit a charcoal fire, fried the dog liver with dog oil, and roasted the dried dog meat on the fire until soft.He heated up the wine, put the vegetables and meat on the short table, and brought them to the table.Kunlun Nu sat across from him, wearing a dog's fur.They began to eat, drink, talk and laugh, and passed the long night.When the pear blossoms are flying outdoors and the snow is shining like day, people don't want to fall asleep.This feeling is no different from ancient to modern.

Xiao Hu couldn't sleep, so he climbed up to chat.Chatting is fine, you should ask me if I am sleepy.But she didn't want to go through the procedure at all.She sat across from me and talked about blowing up with her boyfriend.This topic humiliates me because I don't have any girlfriends.Then she said I was short.Bastard, if you say I'm short, I'll say you have thick legs.She said that thick legs can be cured by running, but short stature can only be cured by a noodle press.This is really unreasonable, she hoped that I would commit suicide by jumping out of the noodle machine so that I could get my inheritance.I am an antiquarian and have quite a collection. Apart from broken chairs and bed boards, I also have a box of thread-bound books.Of course, there are no rare and rare books.Those books cannot be exchanged for medals, stamps and dried tofu.I have such a batch of books: ,, "Luo Tong Sweeping the North", "The Two Subjects of the Southern Tang Dynasty", "Taiping Guang Ji", "Zhu Zi Yu Lei", "Ox and Horse Classics", "Mai Shen Xiang", "Nan Hua Jing" ", "Pure Land Sutra", and the imperial calendar of the tenth year of Guangxu.For these broken books, forcing me to die tragically is vicious.There are still a lot of rags in the basement, such as the copper tiles on the temple house of Putuo Zongsheng that You Chengde picked up that year; a glazed animal head picked up by You Dongling; bricks from the Great Wall;During the construction of the subway in Beijing, all kinds of rags were dug up. Among them was a strange-shaped piece of wood. According to my research, it was a scraper used by the poor in the Yuan Dynasty who couldn't afford toilet paper.This object is not in the collection of the British Museum, and it can be described as a priceless treasure.Xiao Hu forced me to die, probably aiming to obtain this rare treasure. Little nonsense, she doesn't want that baby.She not only does not want me to die early, but also hopes that I can live a long time.So she wants to help me solve my difficulties and introduce girlfriends to me.Nowadays, men who are less than 1.80 meters tall are classified as second-level disabled.My height is less than 1.7 meters, which belongs to the level of microorganisms, and girls can't see it at all.She was to act as a microscope and let them see me through her.After saying these outrageous words, she yawned and went downstairs to sleep. After she left, I felt very uneasy.I have three feelings: the first is the sense of humiliation, which needs no explanation, because I am short.The second is the feeling of repaying favors.I have great kindness to Xiao Hu.More than ten years ago, on the same day, we were both orphaned by the same accident.We were middle school students at the time, studying in the same middle school, and living together in this dilapidated building. Because of these commonalities, I was responsive to her requests.When she needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, she always called me down from the attic and stood guard in front of the door.Every five seconds she called my name, and once she didn't, she howled right away.She called me while she was clearing her mind. Isn't this kind of double-minded approach hateful?If it weren't for me, she would have been suffocated to death by shit!Now that she is in front of me, she can't avoid the taboo and say a short word, where is her conscience!Third, I still have a kind of jealousy towards her.This person with incomplete body and ears actually went to an art college.And I love art so much, and I can draw a good sketch, so I can't get into the art school.It's just because I'm a little color weak, and I can't tell the difference between red and green.Secondly, she is taller than me.Of course, she was extremely clumsy.But when I got jealous, I felt that she was tall and fit, similar to Guanyin Bodhisattva.I can't think about this matter, it's hard to be jealous when I think about it. These three feelings, humiliation, revenge, and jealousy, are exactly the same in ancient and modern times.That night, the Kunlun slave asked Wang Er's house: "Boss Wang, why don't you have a woman to serve in your house?" Wang Er felt humiliated in his heart.In the city of Chang'an in the Tang Dynasty, a poor and cheap peddler, like a second-level worker who is 1.68 meters high today, could not find a partner at all.At this time, the lights in Wang Er's house were like beans, the snow was shining on the wall, the charcoal fire was burning in the brazier, and the Kunlun slaves were sweating with oil.Wang Er held a pot of stewed dog tendons in front of Kunlun Nu with both hands, and Kunlun Nu followed and put it on the table.Wang Er took another copper spoon, wiped it on the skirt of his clothes, and held it in front of Kunlun Nu with both hands again. Kunlun Nu followed and placed it beside the soup basin.This is the etiquette for treating distinguished guests, and Wang Er has done it meticulously.So he thought: Kunlun slave, you are a slave.I invited you to my home as a guest of honor. I hope you will be more conscious and don't ask embarrassing questions. Unexpectedly, the black man asked again: "Boss Wang, don't you, like our slaves, have no women to serve and eat?" Wang Er became even more displeased when he heard this.He thought: If you are not sensible, don't blame me for asking bad questions.So he said: "Kunlun slave, I heard that you are the fruit of the tree, is it true?" When the Kunlun slave heard this, his eyes widened and he said, "Who said that? Do people still grow on trees? You Tang Dynasty people all grow on trees?" "Of course we were born of our mothers! But you are different. I heard that there is a big tree in Africa called black sandalwood. The umbilical cord hangs on the branch of a tree's little black child. It takes ten months from fruit bearing to maturity, and when it is ripe, it falls to the ground and can speak and walk. Persian merchants wait under the tree, pick it up and sell it as slaves. Because it is born of a tree Fruit, so a man with a male body has a male body but not a male body, and cannot conceive a female; a female body has a female body without a female body, and cannot conceive and have children. Only the emperor in the Tang Dynasty had to use eunuchs as eunuchs. That’s why the prince’s family spared no expense to buy black slaves and serve them in the inner house. Maybe you are not born on a tree, but other blacks may be born on a tree?” Kunlun Nu said that this is a rumor, and there is absolutely no tree in Africa that can bear people.Negroes, like everyone else, are born in the womb of their mothers.When he was in Africa, during the dry season, he often went to the grasslands with dark-skinned women to have sex in empty places, and the baby was born in the next rainy season.The skin of those dolls is also like black jade, shining with luster, reminiscent of those happy times under the blue sky.At that time, there was a white hot wind blowing on the grassland, and antelopes, zebras, elephants, and cheetahs were all doing the same thing.He knew the source of this rumor, because black slaves were very valuable, so the master hoped that they could proliferate.They often put male and female black slaves in a cage, but the result always disappoints them.A cage is not a grassland, and there is no wind on the grassland in a cage.The woman in the cage is also a slave, who is willing to pass on the evil seed of a slave!O black Africa, black Africa!Speaking of Africa, the Kunlun slave burst into tears. Wang Er asked again, isn't the girl in the prince's inner house beautiful?Are they treating Kunlun slaves badly?Does Kunlun slave have no feelings for those girls?Kunlun Nu said that those girls are as beautiful as the moon and have a kind heart.They were also nice to him.If he was whipped, they would touch his black back with green fingers and shed tears of sympathy.When the Kunlun slaves were starving, they even saved snacks for him.Kunlun slaves also love them, but it's just a brother and sister relationship.So Wang Er thought, how he is in the midst of blessings and doesn't know the blessings! The Kunlun slave said that being a guest at Wang Er's house was warm and happy.Next time he would bring a girl and let her enjoy the fun too.At three o'clock, he got up to leave and went back to his master's house, leaving Wang Er jealous and hopeful.Wang Er envied the black man, who had the happiness of being with the beautiful girl day and night, this feeling was no different from ancient to modern. In a blink of an eye, winter turned to spring, and warm wind came in from more than a hundred holes in the broken building.Looking out of the window, there is a world of tender yellow smoke and willows in the city of Beijing.You can also feel the lazy spring in the house, and this feeling is no different from ancient to modern.I want to know how Wang Er in the Tang Dynasty felt the spring: When the sun shines on the wooden lattice door made of mulberry paper, he puts the cleaned earthen jar on the lower floor of the lattice.Wrap the peppers and laurel leaves in paper and put them on the upper shelf.If they don't get moldy after the rainy season, you don't have to buy them next winter.He took out the copper pot, wiped off the patina with firewood ash, and prepared to sell Yangchun noodles.I was thinking about the price of beef bones for soup, and the price of shallots and tender leeks. It would be appropriate to put a few drops of sesame oil in the noodle soup.When the spring is smoky, he is excited to do this kind of thing. Maybe selling Yangchun noodles can make a little more money, which is better than dog meat soup. I also want to do something for spring: hiking by the Great Wall, swimming in Yuyuantan, and visiting ancient tombs in the western suburbs, but I can't do any of them.The ancient tombs in the western suburbs are all gone, and buildings have been built on them.The Great Wall is now a hornet's nest, full of people.I also don't seek comfort in history as I did in my teens.Before the age of twenty, Xiao Hu and I went swimming in the early spring, crawled out of the cold water, and our bodies were flushed when the wind blew.Not now, when I saw the cold water, my whole body turned purple, my lips were black and blue, and I trembled like an old lady stepped on a switch.This is all because the internal organs have been damaged by smoking for more than ten years.So I can only stay at home alone. In the evening, Xiao Hu came home and called me at the stairs.She is really smug!Wearing a sun hat, light-yellow sweater, fine corduroy trousers, pigskin moccasin shoes, and a large painting folder on her back, she asked me to go down to see her paintings.I immediately thought of my dead art career and excused myself not to go.After a while, she climbed up again and changed into a sky blue sportswear.This suit is also a disservice to me because I bought it to wear for myself.After wearing it for a day, I found that others looked at me wrongly.It turned out to be lavender, which is the popular color for young and beautiful girls.After this perverted scandal, I had to give her the suit to stimulate me in it.First, I am half-color-blind, and I have to be guided by her when buying clothes. If I do it myself, the result is exactly what she wants.Second, I am short, so she can wear my clothes.I was so sad that I was going to have a nosebleed, but she said she would tell me good news.It turned out that the person she introduced to me was about to arrive, and asked me to eat immediately and dress up when I was full.I will follow the plan.After dinner, I sat on a chair in a decent dress and lost my mind, thinking that something was wrong.I should introduce someone to this tall, thick-legged guy, too.The technician in our workshop is round-headed and full of anger. He always wears a sea soul shirt and runs around like crazy. It is suitable to recommend it to her.While thinking about this, she called me downstairs, and I went down, walking into her room like a sheep waiting to be slaughtered.What do you think I saw?I saw a woman sitting on the bed, wearing a light green silk jacket, a scarlet woolen suit trousers on her legs, and mille-soled round-toed cloth shoes.I don't know much about my eyes, so I can't determine the color of her body.This woman has a fair complexion, a few light pockmarks around her nose, and a slicked-back hair. She looks like the Empress Dowager who ran out of Dongling.In all honesty, he was pretty, but he was very rude to me.Here's the transcript from the scene, from the moment I entered the door: The woman raised her finger to my nose and said in a moaning voice, "That's him!" Xiao Hu sat beside her and said, "That's right!" This proves that he is upright and can be shot.The woman squinted her eyes to look at me, not because I was transfigured and radiant like Christ, but because this woman wanted to show me her professional habits. She was a self-proclaimed painter.Then-- The woman added: "Okay, it's quite characteristic. It has a hooked nose, curly hair, and a dark complexion, like a Latino." Little Hu Lang laughed a few times and said, "He was nicknamed Latino in school!" The woman asked: "How's your temper?" It's like a veterinarian asking a doctor: "How about eating grass?" Xiao Hu said: "It's fierce! Fighting with someone in school, punching a hole in the plywood wall! He lost his temper, and he dared to hit me! But generally speaking, he still obeys the law." Then the two women bit their ears and chattered.I was smoking on the sidelines, not saying anything.After a while, she sent the girl out and bit her ears in the aisle for a long time.Then she came back: "Well, what do you think?" I first asked the woman if she had walked away, and after getting a positive answer, I said, "What kind of a joke is this? An old woman! And she looks down on people!" After hearing this, she frowned and said, "Don't you think she has a great personality and characteristics?" I said that this person seems to be mentally ill.She was very upset, said this was her good friend, and asked me to keep my mouth clean.Later she said, the other party also said that we could talk, and I refused so resolutely, which is really unreasonable.I told her: Don't tell me these things, lest you make me angry!After I finished speaking, I went back upstairs.There I thought: I don't have to introduce someone to her either.For some reason, this kind of thing hurts a little. After half an hour, Xiao Hu suddenly ran upstairs impulsively, and announced with a flushed face that she found out that she had done a terrible thing, and hoped I would not mind.Then there is no text.She seemed to be waiting for me to say something, and I seemed to be waiting for her next thing, so we were all stunned.This predicament is also the same in ancient and modern times.At midnight in spring, Kunlun Nu went to Wang Er's house for a second visit.He didn't come hand in hand with the beautiful woman, but he carried a heavy burden on his back.Wang Er was worried that this was stolen goods. He was a businessman in his duty and did not want to be the owner of the stolen goods.He wanted to ask Kunlun Nu to send the things back, but he was too embarrassed to ask.He still has expectations for Kunlun Nu. I don't know what I'm looking forward to, I just feel that my lips are heavy, my tongue is heavy, and I can't say anything.I am like the second king of the Tang Dynasty, silently waiting for the Kunlun slave to unpack.Sitting in the burden is a peerless stunner.It was a blonde girl, wearing light clothes, her skin was as white as snow and as shiny as silver.Lips are as red as flowers and as moist as honey.She jumped up and walked about the room, saying in a Greek accent, "Is this where the free men live? Is this the smell of freedom that I smell?" Wang Er's house was full of smoke, rawhide, musty and foul smells, but she thought it was the breath of freedom and took a deep breath.She is interested in everything, and asked Wang Er to open the paper bag on the ledge, tell her what is pepper and what is bay leaf, pour out the seeds from the gourd on the beam, and tell her what are onion seeds and what are vegetables seed.She thought the pan hanging on the wall was a musical instrument, and the clay pot for men was a wine vessel.It's not surprising that she asked questions like a reporter.It turned out that all the girls in the inner courtyard wanted to come out to have a look, and she was the first to be selected.She is obliged to report fully.Later, she put on Wang Er's shabby clothes, wrapped her head and face with a cloth, walked outside for a short distance, saw the lights of Qianjia outside, and came back to eat free Yangchun noodles.She announced that the free noodles were very good, but she dared not eat more.After the meal, the three of them drank at the same table, and the girl got up and danced a bit of Hu Xuanyan.It turns out that she is the dancer of Hu Xuanwu. Hu Xuanwu was very famous in Tang Dynasty.Hearing the word Hu Xuan, the bachelor salivated.When the girl danced, she took off Qing Luo's clothes and only wore a pair of gold forging briefs. Her naked body was extremely beautiful.Wang Er squinted his eyes, trying not to look at her pink cherry-like nipples, perfectly contoured chest, slender jade legs, and silky hair.His heart was pounding and he was having trouble breathing.Just like a person who is hungry and thirsty for a long time cannot see a rich feast of wine.Wang Er was also a little dizzy when he saw this blonde enchantress. At five o'clock, the Kunlun slave wanted to go back, and he beat the dancer into the burden again.The girl said: "Brother, can you let me show my head and see outside?" But the Kunlun slave said no.When you climbed the wall, a branch cut your little face, what did the master say when he got up?We are all screwed.And so they went.For some reason, Wang Er felt a little disappointed.This woman is as beautiful as she is beautiful, but she is elusive like a phantom.He placed his hopes on the next woman who would come for sightseeing. This feeling was really the same from ancient to modern. Xiao Hu sat opposite me for a long time, we didn't say anything.Then she sighed slightly disappointed, and the embarrassment passed.She started talking about the house, and I was slightly disappointed to hear that kind of talk, but we talked about it for a long time anyway. The story begins with the dilapidated building at No. 1, which was riddled with holes during the Gengzi period. It should be demolished, but the Pope refused.He said that when the Boxers attacked the broken building, God blessed the building, so let it never fall to honor the might of the Lord.He also said some crazy things like God is not old, this building will not fall down, and then asked a bishop to repair this building.If the building had been properly repaired at that time, it would not have been so dilapidated.It's a pity that the bishop painted it with green ash and sold it to a merchant.After the businessman paid, the gray ash on the wall fell. When he saw that the building looked like a briquette, he slammed the shell gun on himself, and finally jumped into the North Sea bloody.Then this dilapidated building was full of people who wanted to commit suicide but had no guts, so naturally it became more and more dilapidated. These pre-liberation events were verified by me.After liberation, the bosses made hundreds of plans to put Jiajia No. 1 building to death.There are plans to build houses in the Great Leap Forward, promote revolution and promote production, remove old buildings and build new buildings, criticize Lin Biao and Confucius to build new buildings, criticize Song Jiang to rebuild Liangshan, criticize the "Gang of Four" to build new buildings, real estate revitalization century-old plan, Disturbance of house building plans, pulling out nails to build houses, etc.But the dilapidated buildings cannot be demolished, and new houses cannot be built.Afterwards analysis, this house is backed by a large number of reactionaries, including (not counting abroad) Right opportunists, capitalist roaders, Lin Bald, Kong Lao Er, the "Gang of Four", Song Jiang, Lu Junyi, Sima Guang, Dong Zhongshu, Meng Ke , Yan Hui, etc. caused trouble from it.The current reactionaries are Xiao Hu and I. We are the two of us who insist on not moving.Now the criticism of nail households in the newspapers is not weaker than the firepower of criticizing Song Jiang back then.I'm really ashamed to be tied with Song Jiang - what kind of stuff is he?I didn't do anything to show my face in "Shui You Zhuan", the most shameless thing was the death of Yan Poxi, a girl like a flower.I really want to move, but I have nowhere to go.The bosses said that I was a sojourner in the dilapidated building and could not be included in the new building plan.But there is a place where tofu is dried in the factory, but there is no place for me to live! Xiao Hu said that she also wanted to move out, but when she came to the company and asked for a room, the leader flew into a rage and said, "You are here to make trouble too. Isn't it good to live in Building A and No. 1?" At that time, the faces of all menopausal women turned red like a monkey's buttocks, and their hairs also stood on end.The old men dyed their hair for fear of being included in the retirement roll before the house was divided.Under such circumstances, she had no choice but to pin her hopes on her boyfriend.If I marry someone who has a house, it will be easy for me to be the only one left.Can No. 1 give me a new house?When spring came, she put on her spring clothes and walked down the street, and the men on the side of the road turned their heads quite often.With her figure and appearance, it shouldn't be a problem to get married.So I just sit at home and wait for news of her victory! Xiao Hu learned everything from me, and every item is better than blue.First of all, I drew two strokes, and she also learned to paint, and finally learned some tricks.Now I can earn a lot of income just by drawing comic books in my spare time.I am so old-fashioned and addicted, and she followed suit. As a result, the painting method has the style of Han brick and Dunhuang painting, and she is also well-known in the painting circle.I would talk nonsense, and she followed suit, from a shy little girl to a big mouth.As soon as I got pimples, I yelled about looking for someone, but I couldn't find anyone.But she has talked with countless boyfriends, and she often put her arms around one of them and "baji" in the corridor, as if she was demonstrating to me.There was only one skill she hadn't learned, and that was peeing standing up. It is summer.The tofu factory has been changed to work in the morning, so that the tofu produced in this way will be on the market at noon and afternoon, and it will not be sour without overnight.When summer comes, I'm sleepy to death, because when it's cool at two o'clock in the morning, others are sleeping soundly, but I go out to eat mushroom soy milk.By the time I returned at noon, the sun had already scorched the thin iron roof.I lay down there, half asleep, half awake, just dizzy.When the mouth becomes unbearably dry, drink clear water from the washbasin.Can drink a pot every day.It was like this until the sun was in the west, and the attic was just a bit cool, and it was time to sleep for a while, and Xiao Hu climbed up again.At this time, I really hope that she will find the master and marry her soon, even if she marries Song Jiang! When Xiao Hu came up, he was wearing a short shirt and shorts, holding a large bowl in his right hand.The bowl is steaming hot wonton soup.It's so hot, she invited me to eat this kind of food, it's like Pan Jinlian treating Wu Dalang.What Zuo Zi was carrying was even more disgusting. It was a bucket.She wants to borrow my house to take a bath and send me into her room.Her room faces west, and the searchlight is now on.When she came, I had to sit up, and seeing her big tits swaying here and there, I felt like seeing Muhammad Ali's fist, and my temples exploded.He took a mirror to take a look, his eyes were red.I said, "Xiao Hu, you can't do this. I'm a human being too, fuck, why don't you give me human rights?" It didn't work for her.She said: "Ah! Come up to see you, okay? I haven't seen you for a day, and you don't miss me?" I taught her everything, but I didn't teach her to be shameless, because I am also shameless.Later she said that she came up not only to chat with me, but also to have important matters.But when she talked about this important matter, she didn't seem to be serious, as if she was going to teach me a big lesson.First, the house is really unlivable.The summer is so hot that her hair curls itself without going to the barber.In winter, it can freeze people to death.There are strong winds in spring and autumn, and the house is full of sand, so you can practice long jump.In addition, it may collapse at any time.So there is a second, it is necessary to move out from here.Tofu factories and film companies cannot solve this problem.The boyfriend is also helpless.In the end, only No. 1 remained.She has talked to the chiefs many times, and made terms with them on our behalf.Then she explained why she went to negotiate with others.She said that she did not mean to look down on me here, just because she is a 23rd-level cadre and I am a second-level worker.Cadres are more respected, which is an advantage.Moreover, her surname is Hu, which is relatively rare, so it is easy to attract attention.There are too many surnamed Wang, too many to be decent.So when the surname Wang went to talk about things, no one answered.She just talked nonsense like this, gradually getting to a place where there was no shadow.I knew she had a ghost in her heart, so I said, "If you want to talk about the house problem, just say it straight!" She blushed at the time, and stammered: After repeated negotiations, the bosses agreed to give them a house, in exchange for both of them moving out.What's there to blush about?If you give me a set, you can move in first, and I will ask you to build a small shed in the end.The ancients said that first there was Taiji, and then there were Liangyi, and Liangyi gave birth to four images, and four images gave birth to eight trigrams, eight eight sixty-four, and the cycle is endless, which is also the eight diagrams of Kongming.Therefore, in the world, if there is one, there are two, I am afraid that he will not let go.Little nonsense, don't be smug, A No. 1 doesn't know that we are ignorant people?Will people be easily fooled?That's not how this house came about. She told people that we were lovers and we were going to get married soon, but of course it was a lie.Speaking of which, she looked at me with pleasant eyes. Of course, I was a little dizzy, but there was no outward expression.She went on: She told them that in the broken building, the two of us acted every day.In the middle of the night, she would stand at the door and let out a long sigh: "Ah, Wang Er, Wang Er, why are you Wang Er?" I said: "After listening to you, I will never be called Wang Er." Pretending to be Romeo and Juliet, talking about love on the balcony.Or sing a folk song "Liu Liu's eldest sister from the Hu family is very talented, and Liu Liu's elder brother from the Wang family falls in love with her." She also sang Yue opera: "Little Farewell to Hu XX again!" I got goosebumps hearing these nonsense.With her masculine duck voice and my donkey-like singing voice, if she really wants to sing, she might attract the wolves on the west mountain.头儿们听了将信将疑。要说信，我们俩在一个楼里住了多年，真要搞上了也算不上什么新闻。要说不信，谁不知这两个家伙大嘴啦啦，什么都敢说？头儿们就组织专案组去调查。首先查到十几年前给我们发抚恤金的会计，她说有一次我们没去领钱，她就给送来，发现我们两个小孩在楼道里十分亲呢地斗殴，敲到双方都是满头大包犹不肯住手，打完了架又在一个锅里吃饭。居委会的大娘们揭发了当年我带小胡爬树摘桑葚的事，以及某一天我出门时她从楼上探身出来大叫：“给我带包妇女卫中纸来，不带花了你！”最后的事例有小胡前天在小卖部给我买了一条男用针织裤权。专案组根据这些材料，下结论道：胡王恋爱一案，可以基本肯定。因此头儿们代表组织上宣布，什么时候交来结婚证和永不翻案（即离婚）的保证书，什么时候姓胡的和姓王的就能领到一套两居室的住房证和钥匙。她说为了这套房子我们可以假结婚，结了再离，房产科又不是法院，无法制止。 虽然说是假结婚，她说起来还是有点结巴，我也有点儿喘。等到说完了这一节，她又辩才自如，立论说，由于假结婚，她将受到重大损失，将来再找对象时，人家总要怀疑她有个孩子养在乡下姥姥家。但是为了我们的共同福利她已不惜火中取栗。不知为什么我对她的胡扯失去了兴趣，就干脆说：“不必废话了，明天就去登记。” 决定了这件事以后，小胡要洗澡，我按惯例该到她房里烤着去。可是今天本人别出心裁，从窗口爬上了房顶。一出来我就后悔了，因为太阳虽已西斜，屋顶的铁板还挺烙脚，坐下又觉得烙屁股。此时阁楼里已响起了溅水声，我欲旧无路，只好在房上吃完了馄饨，就坐下发傻。这时我看到一位少女从对面新楼里走出来，身穿洁白的连衣裙，真是秀色可餐。我以前没见过她，也不知道她叫什么名字，因此就爱心大炽。这种心境，正是古今一般同。 话说王二和昆仑奴拉上了关系，就常在家里接待王侯家里的姑娘。他真是大开眼界，见过了跳肚皮舞的阿拉伯女郎，跳草裙舞的南洋少女，跳土风舞的黑人姑娘。这种女孩个个美得很，人也十分热情，不过他对她们只存欣赏之心，绝没动过爱欲。有一天昆仑奴说，他要带一位特殊的姑娘来，要王二早做准备。当然，特殊的姑娘也是奴隶，但是这一位身价不同。原来王侯家里的女奴分为三等，最下者为丫环仆妇。针线娘子洗衣妇，大抵是长安城里穷人家养不起卖给大户人家者，身价不过三两五两七两八两。门卫不禁止他们随意出门，所以也不必带她们出来。更高级的是歌姬舞娘，都是从四方贩来之绝色绝艺者，身价几十两、几百两不等，不能出门宅一步，王二看过的都是这种人。最高的身价在千两至万两之间，在内宅里养着，也不唱歌，也不跳舞，也不操家务，也不大吃，也不大喝，也不大走路，也不大说话，只管坐着充当摆设。如今有这么一位听说王二家好玩得要命，也要来看看。昆仑奴不好厚此薄彼，只得答应，他特地来关照王二，要他把家里好好收拾一下。于是王二把房子彻底清扫，换上一张新草席，借了上等茶具，就在家里静等。 是夜昆仑奴来时，背了个极大的包，好像里面是大肚子弥勒佛。开包后先是三重棉絮，六层绸缎，八层轻纱，然后才是这位佳人。这是位中国少女，在席上坐得笔直，从始至终，眼帘低垂。她穿着白软缎的衣裙，脸色苍白有如贫血，面目极其娟秀，嘴极其小，鼻极其直，眉极其细，身材也极其苗条，肩极其削，腰极其细，手指极其细长，脚极其小。坐了许久，才发出如蚊鸣的细声，请求一口茶。王二急取黄泥炉，紫砂壶，燃神川之炭，烹玉泉之水，彻清明前之雀舌茶，又把细磁茶具洗涮二十通后，浅斟奉上。少女润唇之后，把茶杯放下，又坐半个更次，乃出细声曰： “多谢款待。盛情今生难报，留待来世。”然后就离去了。 王二见过这位女郎，顿时失魂落魄，爱了个发昏章第十一。虽然她在他对面坐过，他却如在十里地之外见过她似的，回想起来只有一点模糊的轮廓。他想，这才是女人！极其高贵极其纯洁，想到她就有天上人间之感。这种感觉，正是古今一般同。 第二天，我要和小胡登记结婚，这件事想起来就忐忑不安。等到阁楼没了声息，我从窗子里爬回去，只见桌子上留一张条子，上书： 1、今晚不聊天了。 2、明天下午三点钟办事处门口见，请着白色西服。 3、明晚上我请客。 屋子里到处是水渍，还有一种淡淡的石灰水气味。闻见这种味儿，就想起小胡来，觉得她很不错。古人云，环肥燕瘦各有态。她是属于环肥那一种。无论怎么说，我不能拒绝这种结论，即小胡是漂亮女孩。只要不是神经病似的非绝代佳人不娶，大概也可以满意了。 当然，我对身轻如燕，举止端庄，沉默寡言者更为倾心。这种感觉，正是古今一般同。当年王二在家里见过这样一位佳人，就爱心大炽，一再托昆仑奴传后请她再来。她拒绝了好几次，最后终于来了，坐在王二对面，还是低垂着眼帘，什么都不说。王二一再劝诱她稍进饮食，她终于从盘里取一粒樱桃吃下去，流泪说道：“情孽。”然后又什么也不说了。到天明前，她和昆仑奴一起离去，王二想问她什么时候再来，但恐怕太唐突，就没有问。 我一直睡不着。到半夜时分，小胡轻轻地爬上楼来，坐柱对面的椅子上，沉默了好久以后，忽然问我睡着了没有。她显然是明知故问。我翻身坐起来，看着窗前的月光。是夜有薄云，故而月光也如一抹石灰水，就如她身上白色的内衣一样淡薄。我想到如下事实： 以前我们都有凌云壮志，非绝代佳人不娶，非白马王子不嫁。所谓绝代佳人者，自然是身轻如燕，沉默寡言者，而非高大健美，大嘴啦啦者。至于白马王子，身高一米九十以上，面白无须。因此我们结成同仇敌忾的统一战线，立志开拓我们的世界，看今夜的形势，只怕要壮志成灰。 小胡忽然哭起来，提到如下事实： 小时候她被人揪小辫子（其实是她先招惹了别人），要我给她撑腰，而我跑去以后，只要叉着腰在一边站着，喝道：“你揍他！我不信你揍不过！”她得了我的教唆，就扑过去又抓又咬。 半夜里我叫她参加我的午夜行动，从窗户里爬出去骑在屋脊上。屋脊非常光削，她感觉它要把她从下到上一切两半，就像猪崽子一样嚎叫，却被我厉声喝止。下来以后我还打了她两拳，打在腰眼上。 小胡说，这种行为很野蛮，我这么对待她不公道，她要求立即改变，因此我过去和她拥抱接吻。这种身体接触是平生第一次，我非常的兴奋。但是想起我的绝代佳人计划，又有点害羞。于是我放开她，回到板床上坐下，又觉得心有未曾。幸好她跟过来，两个人楼在一起，觉得很不错。我的手放肆起来，此时有如下想法： 小胡和我这么搂着，实在是很自然的事。 假结婚是扯谈。 于是我说，现在我们这样，虽然非常之好，可是我的绝代佳人和她的白马王子计划岂不是完全失败？但是小胡说，现在很快活，这显然是伟大胜利，怎么能说是失败？ 那位绝代佳人第三次到王二家去，带了一个小丫头和很多东西。昆仑奴几乎背不动，当她和王二对坐无言时，小丫头就勤快地动起手来。先挂起罗销帐，又陈放好博山炉，在炉里点上檀香。她在草席上铺上猩猩毡，又在毡上铺上象牙细席，放上一对鸳鸯枕，就和昆仑奴到门外去嗑瓜子儿。王二和她静坐多时，终于拉着手到帐里去。在那儿他怀着虔诚的心情为她宽衣解带，扶她在席上躺下。然后定睛一看，席上是一个女人的裸体，并非什么不可思议的怪物，只不过腿非常细长，脐窝非常小而浅，腰非常细，乳房小而圆，非常精致，肋骨非常细，如同猫肋一样。王二就胆壮起来，先正襟危坐，如抚琴一般轻抚她身体三匝，又俯身在她的樱唇上一吻，然后就宽衣拉下帐子完成夫妇大礼的其他部分。 我也和小胡行了夫妇之大礼，不过弄得不依古格，乱七八糟，就连我这嗜古成厮的人都不能克己复礼，可见人心不古，世道浇漓。但是礼毕时，我们俩都很满意。这种感觉，大概古今无不同。 根据史籍记载，王二和那位美女行过礼之后就逃到外乡去做豆腐为生，和我的职业一模一样。昆仑奴回主人家去。不久此事败露了，那位主人派了三十个兵去捉他，可是没想到这位黑先生在非洲以爬树捉猴子、跑步追羚羊为生。他见势不好，把木碗别在腰里拔腿就跑，大兵根本追不上，终于跑得无影无踪，音信全无，一直跑回非洲去了。