Chapter 19 Moon Tang Ji 5(1)

Moon Tang Ji 5(1) There can be many love affairs in a person's life, and there will be no more than one or two in the end.Some people who meet by chance and some people who are gradually forgotten are the confirmation and confirmation brought to the heart by a long time.She has been moving between strange places and strangers, her heart has always been cold, and it is most appropriate to forget each other in the world.There is extra self-knowledge and introspection about the classification of some things. Love may be just an illusion that everyone expects to transcend the appearance of life, bringing anesthesia and pleasure, and nothing else.Passionately liking each other, exchanging bodies, emotions, histories and vulnerabilities.To see each other, to stay with them.But that's about it.The chemical elements and physiology in the human body are destined to love another person, which is so short-lived and impermanent.will run out.will end.How to support the future situation depends on how long the patience for disillusionment can last.

She feels that she is not unacceptable to shortcomings and flaws, and she is just an ordinary person.It's just that she couldn't be hypnotized and was easily subdued.She longs for a partner who is stronger than herself, but in real life, she sometimes tends to fall in love with the weak.Is it her own inclination, or is life only giving her this type of man? She has a lot of confusion. In order to control this confusion, she has been going around in vain from this person to that person, like an absurd invincible lone army fighting warrior. And in the final reckoning, she felt as if she had never been in love with anyone.All the love affairs she has had with all the men she used to have, in the end, she is only in love with herself.Everything is repeated experience.Knowing that in the end it was nothing more than that.Just an illusion.

When you fall in love with someone, it's like a peach tree in spring, with branches full of pink and white flowers, overlapping each other.Immediately it blooms like it is about to die.When you don't love someone, you can't feel your own existence.Body and mind are placed in a dark cave, like a hibernation lacking food and air.It's infuriating to hate a man's smell and face.It can be infuriating when you clearly feel that you are not loving enough.No man is needed.No one else is needed.Knowing all this is still ultimately tiresome to the point of silent rage. There will still be sad times.It's sad because I have lost the qualification to own anesthetics and have to face all wounds.I want to hug a strange back and put my face on the warm skin until I fall asleep.Until one day a person appeared with a flame seed.

She still remembers herself when she was in love.Clothes are covered with cat fur, no makeup, and cat smell on body.On the back of the hands and arms, there were blood marks from being scratched by the cat's paws. Three or four of them were densely oozing with blood, and they would itch after drying up and forming scars.She stood by the side of the street, gently scratching the itchy wound with her fingers.She had small, warm bumps behind her ears and a granuloma annulare on her calf.These diseases are all related to cats.She is a woman who has a cat and lives with a man.Will gradually feel that falling in love has become her predicament, so she is extremely impatient.

Sometimes in the middle of the night she started crying.In anger, he would pick up an ashtray and smash the man's head, then jump on him, bite and howl.Soot was everywhere.She herself doesn't know the source of these angers, but she knows it must come from her true heart.What made her howl came from her awareness of herself and her constant powerlessness. In the brightly lit and crowded supermarket, she stood behind the bulging shopping cart, focusing on nothing else, like a young girl waiting for her father to take her home.Her pattern of getting along with men is basically the same as that of getting along with her father.Arguing, crying, demanding, dependent, violently entangled.In a vicious mode, satisfy the emotional needs and let the other party prove it.It's too dangerous to get into each other's lives.If you don't love like this, it doesn't seem to be enough to meet the needs.It made her approach to love monstrous, not quite right, like someone obsessed with scars.

The young and young Shigemitsu is used to getting along with men in this way.A damaging force that wants to destroy and destroy each other.Her youth was so exuberant.But she no longer needs the illusion.Shigemitsu felt that he was gradually becoming stronger, and he knew what kind of feelings he needed.A light, practical, pure feeling.A feeling with roots.It grows steadily like a big tree, gradually its branches and leaves prosper, and it gradually becomes inseparable.A home built with a table and a chair, the daily life of food, rice, oil and salt, when someone is sick and unwell, someone stays by the bed, and bears children for each other...

Of course, she also doesn't believe that there is such a thing as a mythical love and marriage in the world. A man and a woman can be sweet and happy forever. If everyone can rely on instant hallucinations to anesthetize themselves and suffer through the extremely heavy rest of their lives, then that's also the case. It doesn't matter to investigate the truth or falsehood.But no one can do this kind of pretending to be confused.