Chapter 14 chapter eight

chapter eight one Now when I think about the process of growing up, I first think of the college student whose surname is Hue, then I think of my wife, and finally I think of X Haiying.Actually this is wrong.If the review sequence is arranged, the sequence of events is as follows: first, I appeared on the school playground in 1958 to watch others make steel; He was called a pig; later he went to middle school, and after a year, the "cultural revolution" began.I ran home to help people fight the war, and met a college student named Hue.After the war was over, the college student surnamed Hue went to the countryside, and I went back to school, from there to the tofu factory; I met X Haiying and got stuck there.My wife is in the future.It's all about me, and there's success and failure in it.Making steel means I'm going to be a painter and paint a mauve sky; chickens flying on balconies means I'm going to be an inventor and turn things around;These are all things I wanted to do, and all these things failed—I didn’t become a painter, and I didn’t turn things around. I didn’t succeed with a college student with the last name of color, and I just had an adultery with X Haiying, but this was also my failure.If we rank them according to the degree of intimacy with me, my wife is the first, followed by X Haiying, and the last is the college student whose surname is Hue—I don’t even know her name.These things are human arrangements and do not contain any success or failure.In this way, I feel like a headless chicken.In fact, it is about the same.

According to the current common sense, the college student surnamed Dianse is so familiar with me that she almost had sex. When we broke up, she should have left me a mailing address so that we can send greeting cards to each other during the holidays, but in fact it is not. It happened like this, she didn't come to me for a few days, and after a few days I went to inquire, only to find out that she left the school and went somewhere.I was admitted to university later, and I didn't ask X Haiying to say goodbye, so Ziliu ran away immediately.I didn't understand the meaning of things like this at the time.After so many years, when I think about it again, I find that everything is obvious.In 1967, the college student surnamed Color had nothing to say before breaking up with me, just like X Haiying and I had nothing to say in 1977.

two During the revolutionary period, I tied X Haiying to the big brown bed in her hut, with her limbs spread out like a big character.At the same time, she closed her eyes as if she was asleep, but kept breathing, as if she was preparing to endure the pain.When this was done, all desire was gone, and I sat down between her legs and smoked in silence.The room gradually darkened.I was supposed to hit her and ravage her, but I just noticed that her skin was as smooth as a mirror, like a bronze bull in the Summer Palace, so I scratched it repeatedly with one finger.She was waiting for me to hit her, ravish her, but it never came.Then she picked up her head and said: You let me go.I just let her go.We sat side by side.We've done things like this many times, and none of them have been completely successful.This shows that although I have black hair all over, I am not a cruel devil.My heart is not as dark as night.I recalled in my heart the lingering relationship with the college student surnamed Hue, waiting for X Haiying to kiss me and say, "Love me", but I couldn't wait.Her heart belongs to the night and the cruel devils.The two of us just staggered.The result of this kind of thing is that I didn't tie her up, and she didn't kiss me; it just made do, and neither party was satisfied.

The last time I saw X Haiying, she told me that now she felt that there was nothing wrong with hugging Zhan Ba, kissing him, and then taking off her underwear—just doing it so simply.And she also said that it seems that life is like this, and there is no need to take it too seriously.I think this means that she will never miss me again, and I don't need to miss her anymore.I thought she loved me in a unique way by imagining me as a cruel devil.She has always loved me since then.For this reason, I should be a cruel devil, and my heart should be as black as night.It's just a game, nothing to be afraid of.Everyone can see it in me, and that's why she loves me; it's just that I was terrified of it in myself during the Revolution.Now she doesn't love me anymore.This is the most deplorable thing.

three Now I still work in that "advanced intelligence" institute.Zhan Ba ​​worked as a doctor in a hospital near us, which happened to be our contract hospital.The college student surnamed Hue is on our street, and X Haiying is not far from us.Our people meet again.I thought a little pretentiously: it might be because of me, because they didn't know each other.Now I have to go out for a run every morning, into the fog of soot and moisture.I seem to be very old, but also seem very young.The revolutionary period seems to have passed, but it seems that it has not yet begun.Love seems to be over, and it seems that it has not come yet.I seem to have won the jackpot, and it seems that the day of the lottery has not yet come.All this seems to be over, and it seems to have just begun.