Chapter 39 thirty-nine

After Brother Juexin left Zhou's house, he went to their aunt's house.They arrived at Zhang's house and stepped out of the sedan chair. The hall was extremely quiet, and there was no sign of Zhang Sheng.As they talked, they walked into the inner east courtyard. "You are so strange today. I asked you to help me, but why didn't you say anything?" Juexin complained to Juemin. "Don't you talk a lot? It's enough for you alone," Juemin replied explaining. "What's the use of all that I've said? It's just a waste of time today," Juexin said distressedly.

"I think my cousin's life is over again." They had already reached Mrs. Zhang's window, and Juemin called first: "Auntie," and then answered Juexin (but the voice was very low, he didn't want the people in the room to hear): "Today, I really took care of you." Enough is enough. I have never seen a lake smear like Uncle! You are wasting your energy trying to reason with him." Mrs. Zhang agreed in the room.They went into the small main room, and she came out of the room.They hurriedly greeted her.They just sat down in the main room when Qin also came out from the room on the right.Qin is wearing a light blue foreign cloth shirt with rolled edges, which is homely clothes, but it fits well.Her face was no longer sickly, but she looked calmer than usual.There was a little tiredness in her smile.

"Sister Qin, I heard that you are not well, I miss you very much, but I can't spare time to see you these days, I'm sorry. Seeing that you are in good spirits, you must be completely fine," Juexin said kindly when she saw Qin come out. asked with condolences. "Thank you big cousin, this is just a minor illness, not worth worrying about, it will be fine in three or four days," Qin Dai replied with a smile.She looked at Juemin tenderly, and said, "The second cousin comes here often, and he also said that the first cousin is very busy." Mrs. Zhang had a few words with them.Aunt Li, the maid, brought them tea.Mrs. Zhang watched them drinking tea, and suddenly asked: "Are Fourth Aunt and Aunt Chen looking for trouble again these days?"

Juexin hesitated for a moment, then put down his teacup and shook his head, and replied, "It's nothing. But my fourth aunt didn't even bother to talk to Mom when she saw her." Mrs. Zhang frowned and said nothing.Juemin couldn't bear it, and interrupted from the side: "There was another small incident today. Brother, why didn't you say it?" "Mingxuan, what's the matter?" Mrs. Zhang asked with concern. "Actually, it's not a big deal. My aunt just needs to make some sarcasm about me," Juexin explained simply, seeing that he couldn't hide it.

"Why? Why is she making fun of you?" Mrs. Zhang continued to ask. "That's still for Qian'er," Juexin replied.He hoped that his aunt would stop asking her. "How is Qian'er's illness? Is it better?" Qin asked. "She died, last night, no one knows when she died," Juemin replied. Qin frowned slightly, her big beautiful eyes dimmed.She said in surprise: "How so fast! I was a little worried when I went to see her that day. But I still think she will be fine." "My fourth aunt won't die if she doesn't get a good doctor to see her!" Juemin said angrily, "And if she dies, she won't buy a coffin for her, so she asks someone to wrap her in a mat and carry it out. Big brother can't see it." , I bought a coffin with my own money, and my fourth aunt made fun of my eldest brother." Juemin just wanted to have a good time, and spit out all the words.

"Is there such a thing?" Mrs. Zhang said in amazement. "It's not that she doesn't have money. Why does she have to be so mean when she does things? I heard that my fourth brother is making trouble with Xiaodan. When I buy clothes, it costs more than a hundred dollars a time. It's really a waste of money. I don't know if she will say it or not? Is it in use? It should not be used but spent indiscriminately. If this continues, it will not be a problem. The current world is not good, and the income on the field is getting less and less. Let me see what they will do in the future?" Mrs. Zhang couldn't help sighing when she said this.

"My aunt is right. I am also anxious. Liu Sheng just came back from the countryside, and the rented rice has been exchanged one after another, but the price of rice is very cheap. The rice we bought for food in Bingshengrong is 14 yuan and 50 cents per stone, and now we sell it. It was ten yuan and three to four corners per stone. It is really difficult for our Gao family to maintain the situation in this way. Outer states and counties are not quiet, and no one dares to buy rice. But the fourth father and the fifth father seem to live in Jinshan and Yinshan. Just spend money like running water. My aunt doesn't know, I just heard today that my fourth father rented a small mansion outside to house Zhang Bixiu," Juexin frowned and said so many words like complaining.Mrs. Zhang was listening attentively.Juemin became a little impatient.

"Really? I don't believe it. Who did you hear?" Mrs. Zhang said in surprise.She had seen Zhang Bixiu's play, and knew that Ke An liked Zhang Bixiu very much, but she had no idea that Ke An would do such a ridiculous thing. "I heard what Gao Zhong said. Gao Zhong went with Fifth Dad," Juexin said confidently.He knew that Gao Zhong would not tell lies to him. Mrs. Zhang's complexion immediately changed.She stretched out her right hand and scratched her temples twice with her long nails, then frowned and said, "It seems that your fifth father also has a small mansion."

"Yes, fifth father raised a prostitute called Monday, who lived in Ronghua Temple," Juemin replied quietly.He also knew where Ke'an's little mansion was, so he said, "Fourth Dad's little mansion is in Zhushi Lane." He was different from Mrs. Zhang, and he was not like Juexin. Forgive him for his anxiety, and even the decline of this great family will not cast much shadow on his heart.He sees many things more clearly than they do. "I saw it on Monday, too," Jean said with a little smile. "Where did you see it?" Mrs. Zhang asked in surprise.

"Mom forgot, we met in the park last year, and I told mom when I came back," Qin explained with a smile. "Who can remember a little thing for so long? I don't have such a good memory," Mrs. Zhang said without thinking. "Mom always said that her memory is not good. In fact, I don't think Mom pays much attention to anything, and she always does things casually. This is a blessing, but I can't do it," Qin said with a smile. Mrs. Zhang laughed.She said to Juexin: "Mingxuan, you see your cousin is laughing at me. In fact, it's better to be a casual person now. Nothing is as good as it used to be. There are so many things I don't like, I'm so angry If you are angry, you have no choice but to pretend to be deaf and dumb. Mingxuan, do you think what I said is right?"

Aunt was right.Nowadays, people who pretend to be deaf and dumb can live a quiet life," Juexin agreed with a smile. "But I think you haven't lived a quiet life," Juemin said with a smile on Juexin.The piano voice laughed crisply. Juexin gave Juemin a reproachful look, and explained reluctantly, "It's because I haven't done 'home' yet, and I'm not deaf yet." Mrs. Zhang looked at Juemin with a smile, and she said with concern and anxiety: "I'm a little worried about my second child's temper. It's strange to say that Qin'er's temper is similar to that of my second child. They are really a natural match. " Qin deliberately turned her face away when she heard these words. "I'm afraid that the second child will suffer when he comes to society." "Auntie, I don't think so. As long as you have the ability to stand firm, you won't be afraid of people," Juexin interjected. "But it's not good to be too sharp," said Mrs. Zhang, shaking her head slightly.She turned her eyes to look at the piano again. She saw Qin's face turned outside, as if she didn't hear her speak, so she called: "Qin'er, listen to me." "Mom is going to joke with me again, I don't want Listen," Qin replied coquettishly. Mrs. Zhang smiled and said: "I'm serious. My cousin is not an outsider. What are you afraid of? You just said that I don't pay much attention to anything. I am also getting old, and there is no male in the family. , Is there anything else I can't let go of?" Her tone changed a little. "I only worry about one thing, and that is your marriage." "Mom, you say that again! If you say it again, I'm going in!" Qin interrupted in resistance. Mrs. Zhang first made a gesture to calm her down, and then said: "Don't go, your eldest cousin is not an outsider, so what are you afraid of? Don't you often explain new truths in front of me? Why do you feel shy when you talk about marriage?" coming." After her mother said this, Qin smiled shyly, buried her head slightly, and stopped talking about leaving. "The minds of young people are so unpredictable these days," Mrs. Zhang went on, "my head is also entangled with you. Today is like this, tomorrow will be like that, there are so many new tricks. I can't explain the truth to you, "These words are still spoken to Qin.She then turned around and said to Juexin: "Mingxuan, I only have one thing on my mind right now. I think Qin'er is worthy of your second brother, and I have promised them a long time ago. Your mother is also very interested in this. Qin'er Her grandmother Dai Xiao is also full. If it weren't for the two of them always talking about new ideas and new methods, I would have done things for them. Now the situation is different from before. I am afraid that my mind will be stubborn and I will not do things If you are not careful, you will harm them. I only have one daughter, Qin'er. Mingxuan, you young people are easy to understand the thoughts of young people. One is your cousin and the other is your brother. You have always been very good to them. So I entrust this matter to you. I believe you will handle it well for me, so that I can rest assured." She spoke frankly and methodically, her eyes looked at Juexin's thin body with a sincere expression s face. "Auntie, please don't worry, I will definitely take care of this matter for Auntie," Juexin agreed with emotion.His words were sincere, and he completely forgot at this moment the many possible obstacles, and he did not think about his family environment.Juemin cast his eyes on Qin's face several times.Qin secretly looks at Juemin from time to time.Jean's face was flushed red, but a radiance of joy enveloped it.Such shyness adds to the beauty of the girl.This makes Juemin feel his own happiness more deeply.Juemin's face also flushed with excitement and gratitude.When Mrs. Zhang finished speaking, he stared at his aunt's kind face that had shown signs of aging, and couldn't say a word for a while.His composure, his eloquence, completely left him at this time.He felt boundless happiness enveloping him.For Juemin and Qin, the little doubt and fear they had had completely disappeared now.They no longer see any obstacle.They feel that their future is bright. "With your words, I feel at ease. Mingxuan, if you are willing to help, let alone myself, even the two of them will be grateful to you," Mrs. Zhang said with satisfaction, her square face There was joy on the face.She looked at her daughter again with soft eyes.Qin felt as if she was a spoiled child, and called affectionately: "Mom!" Mrs. Zhang looked at Qin in surprise, and said, "Huh?" Qin was about to speak, but she swallowed the words again. She blushed and smiled at her mother, and then said: "I didn't expect you to have new ideas! You are a new character!" She praised her sincerely mother, but what she originally wanted to say was not these two sentences. "Qin'er, I think you're going crazy!" Mrs. Zhang waved her hands and smiled, "How do I know any new ideas? To be honest, I don't agree with your new ideas. But" she smiled gently, "I I think both of you are very good. However, those older people are not up to date. I am old, and I should give way. So I can't bear to fight against you." She looked at Juemin again, teaching a lesson He said in a tone: "Second, I am worried about your temper. You are too sharp. You talked too aggressively in your mother's room that day. After all, you shouldn't talk like that to your elders. It's not good for me to scold you. I won't scold you." It's not good either. I know that if I scold you, Qin'er will definitely quarrel with me when I get home..." "Mom, you lied to your face! When did I ever argue with you?" Qin knew that her mother was making fun of her, and she was a little embarrassed, so she shouted with a smile. Mrs. Zhang laughed happily, looked at Qin and said, "Don't argue with me. Although I am old, I can still see your thoughts. I don't blame you." She was trusting again. She said to them in a tone of voice: "I know you are kind-hearted, strong-tempered, and stable, so I don't care about you. You are young and have a long life. I am an old antique, and I will not come to hinder your future." She then Xiang Juexin asked, "Mingxuan, do you think what I mean is right?" "Auntie's opinion is right, even I can't catch up with Auntie," Juexin replied happily. "Mingxuan, you are being polite to me again," Mrs. Zhang said with satisfaction, her eyes still resting on Juexin's face.She said again: "Mingxuan, you are good in everything. You are like your father in some ways. But you are so kind-hearted, you are willing to listen to anyone, and you can bear anything. It is really thanks to you, I know You have suffered enough these years. I feel sorry for you too...." "It's nothing. It should be endured," Juexin said modestly. "However, I always feel that the eldest brother is too weak. He is perfunctory in everything, but people don't accept his favor, and instead bully him even more. For example, in the case of Qian'er, he did his best and spent money, but offended the fourth aunt Already," Juemin interjected disapprovingly. "Of course what you said makes sense. But you don't know my situation. Maybe I'm willing to suffer?" Juexin looked at Juemin in pain, and argued as if complaining. Juemin didn't believe that the word "situation" mentioned by his brother could be used as an excuse for "weakness", and he still wanted to speak.But giving the wife the first floor gagged him.Juexin's pain aroused her sympathy.She didn't want to open the wound on Juexin's heart and add to his pain, so she came out to defend Juexin and said: "Mingxuan, your situation is indeed more difficult than others, I understand a little bit. I will wait a little longer I'll tell you the truth. But you should always be open-minded and find something happy. I think you're not in a good mood recently. After all, you're a young man, so I'm too depressed." Juexin answered "yes" one after another.Hearing these words, Juemin looked at Qin knowingly, a smile appeared on his face, and he stopped talking. The servant Zhang Sheng came in from the outside, holding a pair of candles and a handful of incense.He set up candlesticks and incense burners on the altar, put candles in, put incense in incense tubes, hung the table curtains, installed chairs, placed prayer mats, and went out.After a while, he came in again with cups and chopsticks and a small wine pot, and put the chopsticks in place.Later, Mrs. Li brought dishes to Zhang Sheng from outside, and Juexin and Juemin took the bowls and put them on the altar table.When the six bowls of dishes were all set, Juexin took the jug to pour a glass of wine.Zhang Sheng lit a candle.Juexin lit a stick of incense, made a bow and inserted the incense into the incense burner, and then asked Mrs. Zhang to salute.Juexin, Juemin and Qin also walked to the front of the worship mat to kowtow. This is the anniversary of Qin's father's death.Only these few people saluted.Juexin poured three rounds of wine.They kowtowed three times lonely.The anniversary of the death of the deceased father did not bring many sad memories to Qin.Her father died too early to leave a vivid impression on Qin's heart.This lonely salute only aroused Jean's sympathy and concern for her mother who had been a widow for many years.She secretly looked at her mother, and Mrs. Zhang silently Standing next to her daughter, she buried her head and didn't look at anyone.Jean knew she was having a hard time thinking about the past.She saw Juexin holding a yellow watch and lighting it on a candle, walked to the door and handed the yellow watch to Zhang Sheng, and called softly and affectionately: "Mom." Mrs. Zhang turned to look at her, and immediately Know what she means.The sorrowful clouds on Mrs. Zhang's face slowly dissipated, and then a gentle smile covered Mrs. Zhang's face without makeup. After lunch, Juexin went to the room with his aunt to talk.Juemin naturally went to Qin's room.Qin waited for Juemin to sit down (he was sitting on an armchair by the desk in front of the window), then walked up to him and complained in a low voice: "You didn't come yesterday, people have been waiting for you all day. You can imagine how anxious I am. Mom always said that I was just right, so she wouldn't let me go out no matter what." "How do you think I can get away? Why are they willing to let me go? Everyone was in a good mood yesterday. It's a pity that you and Huang Cunren are missing." Juemin looked at Qin excitedly, and his bright eyes lit up his enthusiasm.She stood beside him with tenderness in her eyes.There was only one of his face in her eyes.She belongs to him.He no longer had any doubts about his happiness.He still remembered what Mrs. Zhang said earlier.Those possible obstacles were also destroyed by that word.Today, it seems that happiness is all piled on him.The whole room was filled with radiance, and enthusiasm brought him joy, contentment, gratitude, warmth that penetrated his body, and the creativity needed to prepare for a dedicated work.This is pure love, without passion, without desire.His eyes looked into the depths of her eyes (no, it should be said that the depths of the soul); her eyes also looked into his.Two people can really be said to have achieved complete mutual understanding: each has no more secrets, no more tightly shut corners of the soul.Two hearts come together and become one heart, a brighter, warmer, full of life.Each sees himself in the other's eyes, and sees his own happiness.The past, the present, and the future have merged into one thing that has no beginning and no end.This is their bright future.This kind of love is not enjoyment or intoxication. They clearly accept happiness and are ready to walk towards that future with creativity.this is two A moment of pure bliss on an unselfish young man.They truly feel what a French philosopher at home calls "the overflow of life force."Juemin tried his best to absorb Qin's gaze as if he was drinking wine, and suddenly showed a bright smile, pointing softly at Qin and said: "Now you are by my side, I am in front of you. How happy do you want me to be!? He again Lower your voice and say: "I believe that no force, no obstacle will be able to separate us. " "I believe it too," Jean whispered in his ear, as if blowing the words into his ear with a fresh wind. "I really wanted to see you last night. I know you were waiting for me. I still have a lot to say to you. I want to tell you about yesterday's meeting," Juemin suddenly said enthusiastically as if reading a book , the voice is full of emotion, but not high. "I really seemed to have a pleasant dream yesterday. I should tell you about the dream, I know you'll be waiting to hear it. But I got home too late," said a regretful expression on his face. "I can't come to see you. I call you by name all night." He shut up.But his ardent eyes still called to him. Qin pointed at him gratefully but with a smile and said, "You're really going crazy." Juemin replied with a satisfied smile: "When happiness comes, it often drives people crazy." "I've never gone crazy," Qin whispered with love, and then she walked to the wicker chair in front of the desk and sat down.She was sitting diagonally opposite him, with half of her body pressed against the table.She looked at Juemin excitedly and dreamily, and said, "Tell me what happened yesterday." Juemin didn't say anything else, as if his happiness was inseparable from their career.When he heard the mention of yesterday's situation, his heart was once again seized by a burst of selfless joy.His eyes glowed more intensely, and he began to tell her the story of yesterday.He spoke methodically and in great detail, and his voice was as clear as the sound of a spring.This is an inexhaustible fountain, this is the nectar of the flesh.Jean listened attentively, she nodded in response, and she gave a crisp laugh in praise.Her heart was gradually taken to a distant dreamlike place by his narration.It was a strange place, where there was only light and only smiles.There was this smile on her face that seemed never to die. Mrs. Li came in with tea, interrupting Juemin's narration and Qin's dream scene.But as soon as the maid walked out, Juemin's mouth opened again, and Qin's eyes lit up again.When Juemin picked up the cup to drink tea, Qin felt happy looking at him and smiling.When Juemin continued to tell his story, Qin's face was covered with dreamy colors again.In this short period of time, a clear oil lamp is comparable to ten thousand torches, and a small room seems to be a beautiful paradise.There was no darkness in the room, nor darkness in their hearts.The dreams of young people are often exaggerated.But the exaggerated dreamscape strengthened their faith and their faith in life. The narrative is over. "Holy fire".It was still burning in their hearts, not a raging fire, but they also felt what Stepnijak (whose article was quoted in the "Sophia Biography") called "the holy fire".Both of them felt very warm in their hearts, and both felt the joy when life was full of energy.They speak freely, freely, and perhaps dreamily.Qin asked some questions, and Juemin explained in detail.She got it all.She seemed to see everything with her own eyes.His eyes really became her eyes.He made her see that beautiful dream scene. Passing through the gloomy main room (where only a long burning lantern was lit in front of the altar), Juexin's cough came from Mrs. Zhang's room.This voice sounded incongruously in Qin's dream scene.Jean turned her eyes to the opposite room as if awakened.Only then did she remember Juexin's existence.She saw Juexin's silhouette in profile.Juexin was talking over there.She suddenly changed her voice and asked Juemin, "Mom and big cousin don't know what they are talking about, do you know?" Juemin also turned his head to look at the opposite room.After a while, he replied speculatively: "Maybe he is trying to persuade elder brother to continue." "I can't see it." Qin shook her head and said, "Mom talked to me about this one day, and I said that the eldest cousin would definitely not agree to it now, and he is not yet full of filial piety, so Mom will not mention it. " "I know that my mother, my third father, and my third aunt all hope that my eldest brother will continue his life as soon as possible. He will be full of filial piety in three months, and the time will be very fast. In fact, I also agree with him. I think it is too hard for him alone," Juemin explained. "You also agree with him continuing the string?" Qin asked in surprise.Then she gently expressed her opinion: "I think he may suffer even more after he continues. He is as good as the eldest cousin, and there is also cousin Mei." "But you didn't see that he often bends down on the desk at night and weeps. Where can he get a little comfort when he is fed up all day? He has nothing," Juemin's gentle voice contained a little bit of pain. Qin stopped talking.She felt melancholy scratching her heart gently.She, like Juemin, was struck by pain and melancholy only when she spoke of other people's misfortunes. "Actually, as long as the elder brother can change his temper, there are other ways. There are some people who are more miserable than the elder brother. Our fourth sister, and a cousin. My cousin vomited blood, obviously suffering from lung disease, and the uncle would not let him." He sees a doctor," Juemin said indignantly.At this time, what his eyes saw was not light, but the bloodless faces of some suffering people.This is unexpected news, but also unpleasant news.The incident of Qian Meifen vomiting blood was still deeply imprinted on Qin's heart.Her "Sister Mei" once coughed up blood and said some painful words to her.May died of vomiting blood.Now the young Master Mei is vomiting blood again.This is a terrible sentence.She didn't cherish that cowardly young man.But she (a young man) cherishes the young life.The unexpected news was a blow indeed.The dream scene of happiness receded temporarily.She began to know the detailed situation from Juemin.It was another tragedy, and they still had nothing to do but watch.This is embarrassing pain, Qin can't stand the pain after happiness, the depression after joy, she asked Juemin angrily, "Where will our time come?" "Why do you ask such a question?" Juemin asked strangely.He looked at her attentively, his eyes were gentle but firm.Jean's question only made him more sober. "I can't see why there should be so many sacrifices? And they are all people we see all the time," Qin replied painfully. "You have forgotten, how did the third brother go? How did the second sister go? Didn't they all win?" Juemin still comforted her gently, with an encouraging smile on his face.He stood up and walked to her, and said softly: "There is no easy thing in the world. Everything depends on people's hard work. Our work has just begun, and we have achieved these results." He saw her Without answering, he asked kindly again: "Do you believe what I say?" Jean looked at him as if she didn't understand what he was saying.Wait for him to finish his last sentence.She nodded suddenly, and replied softly, "I believe." She smiled at him, but tears came to her eyes. "Are you crying?" Juemin said lovingly.He took a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her. "I'm not upset now," replied Jean gratefully.She took the handkerchief and wiped her eyes.She asked him again: "How are the third and fourth cousins ​​these two days? What's going on in your mansion, please tell me quickly. After that, we can go to Mom's City to talk with the eldest cousin." She took the handkerchief Return it to Juemin. "After the meeting yesterday, I sent Jian Bing home. She had a lot of conversations with me, and she also said that she would come to see you in two days, maybe tomorrow," Juemin said with a smile after putting down the handkerchief. "Let me talk about Jianbing first." "Okay, please tell me quickly, why didn't you say it earlier?" Qin urged with interest.Juemin told her Huang Cunren's conversation before his departure a few days ago. After they finished talking, they went to Mrs. Zhang's room opposite.Mrs. Zhang was sitting on the rattan reclining chair in front of the bed, and when she saw them coming in, she smiled kindly at Qin and said, "Qin'er, you and your second cousin haven't seen each other for a day, so there are so many things to talk about?" Qin blushed and smiled, but remained silent. "You don't come here to accompany your eldest cousin, you just talk about your words," Mrs. Zhang said again, with a tone of reproach in her words.The daughter she preferred of late, and the pure, sincere joy of seeing the young man, only added business to her beginning to dry heart.The melancholy atmosphere in the room was instantly dissipated by the presence of these two lively faces. "Mom often likes to joke with people recently. Aren't I here to accompany my eldest cousin now?" Qin replied with a charming smile of a doted daughter. "Big cousin also invited you to play the day after tomorrow, and I will go too. You are well, and you can go out the day after tomorrow," Mrs. Zhang continued with great interest. "Cousin Yun is also going, she said she hasn't seen you for a long time," Juexin said with a smile. "Mom is going, so of course I will go with Mom," Qin replied straightforwardly, "I miss Yunmei too." She turned her eyes to Juexin.She saw that under his faint smile still often oozes melancholy.