Chapter 10 ten

Qin and Juemin returned to Gao's house, and the sedan chair stopped in the hall.Juemin whistled softly, and they slowly turned around the turning door and walked inside. It was very quiet inside, and they couldn't see a single figure.Juemin said in amazement, "Why is it so quiet? Where have all the people gone?" "Probably have gone out, don't you see that there are no sedan chairs in the hall?" Qin said. "Didn't elder brother say that he won't go out today?" Juemin said suspiciously. "Then the eldest aunt must have sat out," Qin replied smoothly; she added: "Let's go to the eldest cousin's room first."

They went straight to Juexin's room.No sooner had their feet set foot on the floor of the aisle than a murmur of voices reached their ears. "Why are they in the house?" Juemin said in surprise.They drew back the curtain and went in. Juexin was sitting on the movable chair, Shuhua and Yun were standing on the other side of the desk, Shuzhen leaned over a corner of the desk, pressed her elbows on the desk, and supported her chin with both hands.Qixia stood beside Shuzhen.When Shuhua heard the footsteps, she raised her head and saw Juemin and Qin. Her face immediately showed joy, but she didn't speak, but made a gesture to tell them to be silent.

Juemin and Qin silently walked to the desk.They didn't know what was going on at first, but once they got there they fully understood. Juexin closed his eyes, as if he was asleep, and his two hands were pressed on a heart-shaped wooden board.The board was no bigger than his two hands put together.There are two wooden feet underneath, and there are small wheels on the toes.At the tip of the heart is a small hole into which a pencil is inserted.Push the wooden board with your hand to make the wheels of the wooden board move, and the copper pen will move with the wheels, constantly drawing lines and writing on the paper.This piece of wood is called "Bu Nan Shi", a kind of "toy" that was popular five or six years ago.Juemin himself has played it with others, but now he no longer believes in such tricks.

"Sister, can you see us?" Yun said with tears in her eyes, her eyes following the pencil stuck on the wooden board. Bu Nanshi moved around on the paper, and people could only hear the sound of the wheels rolling. "Think! Think!" Shuhua stared at the paper for a while, then suddenly cried out. Juemin walked behind Shuzhen, Shuzhen turned her head to look at him, and said in a serious voice, "Cousin Hui is here." Juemin didn't answer Shuzhen, but turned to look at Yun.Bright tears flowed down Yun's pink cheeks, and her eyes had a complicated expression, as if she had spent her whole life looking at the board in front of her and the lines it drew on the paper. handwriting.Juemin immediately restrained his smile.He looked at the piano again, and Qin also sent a sympathetic look.

"Sister, do you know that we are all good? Mother-in-law, aunt, and mother often mention you. Brother Mei is getting married too," Yun said to Bu Nanshi with tears, as if she was really talking to her sister Like a speech. The pencil moved so violently that Yun couldn't read a word.Shuhua suddenly shouted: "I, this is the word 'I'!" Yun followed the handwriting and saw the word "I".Bu Nanshi wrote two characters for "I", then started to scribble, and then wrote again. "Difficult words!" Shuhua shouted again. "Guo, this is the word 'Guo'," Qin said bitterly.

"I'm sorry!" Shuhua read in pain. "Sister, sister, don't be sad! Tell me what you have to say. I'm here. Can you see me? Is there anything you're still sad about? Sisters like us, you shouldn't hide it I..." Yun said sadly, her face was covered with tears, she looked at Bu Nanshi without blinking. Shuhua shed a few tears.Shuhua kept wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.Even Qin, who didn't believe in this trick, felt his eyes wet. "To..." Shuhua was reporting the first word, and she continued to read: "To... things... not... unbearable..., no, it's... back...to the beginning. What she said was: Forget the past."

"It's unbearable to look back," Yun read obsessively, and then said to herself: "It's really unbearable to look back." She asked Bu Nanshi again: "Sister, can we sisters still meet?" Bu Nanshi wrote the word "I don't know", and later wrote the word "Mei Di Ku". "Strange, she knows!" Shuhua said in amazement. "Sister, please bless Meidi, he is not in good health and weak," Yun begged sobbingly. Bu Nanshi moved the longest this time. It wrote many words one after another. Shuhua read them out slowly: "People are impermanent, and the future is bleak. Save yourself early. You can't stay long. I'm leaving."

"Sister, don't go, sister, sister,..." Yun pleaded as if she wanted to grab the most precious thing in her life.Her eyes were wide open at the small board and the foreign paper covered with crooked handwriting.Her tears dripped onto the paper. "She's gone," Shuhua said disappointedly.She wiped her eyes. Shuhua's words are not wrong.The pencil no longer writes on paper, it draws circles and curves.Juexin still seemed to be in sleep, with his hand on Bu Nanshi, his eyes closed tightly, his mouth slightly opened, and saliva flowed slowly from the corner of his mouth.

"Sister, sister..." Yun was still calling out sadly, it was a desperate struggle, her voice was unusually gentle and desolate, lingering in the ears of these people. Jean spoke.She put one hand around the back of Yun's neck, put it on Yun's right shoulder, and said gently: "Sister Yun, stop calling, it's useless. It's over. It's not sister Hui who is writing." "Didn't you see what happened just now? She also said a lot of things," Yun retorted bitterly. She believed what she saw, and besides, it was something she usually longed for.She couldn't believe that it wasn't Loh's ghost who wrote those words.

"We'll talk about it later, you should calm down," Jyn advised sympathetically.She understood Yun's mood, and she herself was also tortured by that memory.She naturally hoped that Hui could come and talk to them.The difference is that she doesn't believe in the existence of ghosts, and at the same time she knows that Bu Nanshi's trick is just something like hypnotism. Seeing that Juexin was still awake, Juemin shook him awake. Juexin opened his eyes and looked at everyone in surprise.He wondered why Yun was still crying, Shuhua and Shuzhen's eyes were still wet, and Qin also had a sad expression on his face, so he asked, "What's the matter? What's the matter?"

"Cousin Hui came and talked a lot," Shuhua replied. "What? Tell me quickly!" Juexin said hurriedly with a change of expression. Shuhua told Juexin one by one what had happened: how did the word "Hui" appear on the paper, how did they know it was Cousin Hui, and how did she answer when they asked her something? Bitterness... Juemin and Qin know what to say next. Juemin looked at Juexin with pity, and thought: How can this thin body hold so much? Juexin listened, forgetting everything else.He watched Shuhua's mouth carefully, as if she was afraid that the words would sneak away from her mouth.But before he could hear a few words, his eyes lit up, and big teardrops fell one after another.He didn't wipe his eyes either, and just listened attentively to Shuhua's speech. Qin just persuaded Yun to stop her grief, but Shuhua's words made Yun cry again.Yun covered her mouth with a handkerchief and still bowed her head, not wanting others to see her face, which was already messy with makeup. Shuhua was only talking, and didn't notice that Juemin winked at her, asking her to shorten her words.Her words tormented Juexin's heart over and over again, tortured Juexin's soul, and did not give them any rest.She herself didn't know that she was doing a cruel thing; Juemin did, so he waited for Shuhua to stop before interrupting and asking her: "Where did this thing come from? How did you think of doing this?" "Brother found it out of an old box, and Bu Nanshi said it has been stored for several years," Shuhua replied bluntly. Juexin knew that his heart was being tortured.He felt the pain acutely, but at the same time he got a kind of satisfaction.He wanted people to talk about her, to mention her name, so that he would feel that she was not dead or forgotten.The burst of tears gave him a painful satisfaction.The tense heart relaxes.Scars are washed.He sighed slightly, leaning back on the chair back. "Brother, why are you still messing with Bu Nansuo? You clearly know it's a lie, why do you still torture yourself like this?" Juemin reprimanded Juexin gently, while looking at Juexin's face lovingly. "You're lying? I don't believe it! It's Cousin Hui's tone!" Shuhua said unconvinced. Juemin raised his head and gave Shuhua a reproachful look, and replied gently: "This is a subconscious effect, and it is unreliable. You don't understand it. But elder brother knows it." "Brother!" Shuhua called out in surprise.She didn't want to speak, but Juexin spoke first: "I also know that there are no ghosts, and Cousin Hui can no longer meet and talk with us. But this subconscious effect cannot be said to be false. Didn't she say those words before? The tone is always her tone. This It’s like looking for photos of her from the past, it’s also good. We all still miss her. Cousin Yun said she would invite her, so let’s give it a try.” Juexin said to Juemin with difficulty sentence by sentence, his There was a painful spasm on his face, and this time he did not shed tears, but his face was more pitiful and helpless than when he was crying. "I know, I know," Juemin's heart was throbbing with sympathy, and he said excitedly, "But wouldn't you make yourself suffer even more? What happened in the past should be let go, why bother to do it?" Bu Nanshi? You didn't try to save him beforehand, so why did you torture yourself like this afterwards? What's the use of remorse alone?" "Don't blame me, I understand," Juexin begged with his head buried in Juemin's hand. "I didn't blame you, and it's useless to blame now. I sympathize with you, and I understand your situation. But I don't know much about your thoughts and actions. And why do you always like to think about the past? Why don't you How much do you think about the future?" Juemin asked Juexin sincerely. Juexin was very moved, and this time he let tears come out of his eyes again. He seemed to see a glimmer of hope, but it disappeared immediately.He sighed and said in an appealing voice: "In the future, what future can I have? It's better to think about the past, they can give me a little comfort. After all, I was happy in the past." when." Shuhua looked at her two brothers suspiciously.She didn't quite understand what they said, she didn't understand what the so-called "subliminal action" meant, but she believed that they (especially Juemin, a brother whom she respected and loved) knew more than she did.So she stopped arguing with Juemin, but listened to their conversation silently. Yun was surrounded by painful memories, and she couldn't pay more attention to Brother Juemin's conversation.Qin pulled her to a chair beside the square table and sat down, comforting her affectionately. Shuzhen was still leaning on the corner of the desk, she seemed to be listening attentively to the conversation of her two cousins, but in fact she didn't listen to anything.There was always a look of loneliness and fear on her face. "Brother, you can't say that. You are a twenty-six-year-old young man. You should think more about the future. Only people in their sixties and seventies can live by the past," Juemin still held great courage and wanted to change his brother. Desperate state of mind, want to rekindle Juexin's gradually extinguished youthful enthusiasm.He also wants to conquer a person's heart with words. "I know, I know," Juexin nodded patiently, "Of course I can't explain it to you. But the truth is often not the case, and it's often not as simple as we think. In fact, I sometimes think about the future, and there have been some Small plans. But others always come to hinder me, as if they don’t let me do what I like to do, as if I shouldn’t live a happy life.” Juexin still had a painful expression on his face .He seemed to want to laugh, but couldn't.One could tell from the way he spoke that he was not trying to convince others, but was just pouring out his own pain.Yun had stopped her grief, and wiped her eyes while listening to what they had to say.Qin stood beside Yun with concern. She stopped talking and listened to Juexin expressing his feelings. "Your happiness is in your own hands. You should think more about yourself and less about those who oppose you. You should fight! Others hinder your happiness, you should fight with him! Fight to the end!" Jue Minhao As if finding an opportunity, raise your voice and speak with emphasis.He wanted to make his words linger in people's minds and hearts for a long time. Shuhua suddenly smiled.How delightful it is!That was exactly what she liked to hear, and that was exactly what she wanted to say.She said happily, "That's a good idea! I agree!" Jean smiled with satisfaction.Yun also looked at her two cousins ​​with interest.She felt that what Juemin just said was very pleasant. Juexin was not encouraged, as if he only heard some ordinary words.He shook his head and said, "It sounds good to say it, but it's another thing to do it. How can you fight in our family? They are all elders, who do you fight with? They have their own reasons, no matter what. , you can’t escape their trap.” "It's not about people, it's about things, it's about the system!" Juemin didn't lose his courage because of this answer, and he retorted enthusiastically: "You know that this is a rotten system, a dying system, and you Even if you don’t help to overthrow it, at least you shouldn’t follow it, follow it to rot, follow it to perish. You shouldn’t sacrifice your own happiness, your own future for it!” There was no sound.The words entered everyone's heart, including Juexin's heart. This time, Juexin's heart was shaken.For him this is not ordinary words, this is too much.He still does not dare to attack the old family system as a dying system in front of others; he still does not have the courage to advocate the overthrow of the present society.His mind has not reached this stage, his life experience has not made him understand the cause of the crime, the injustice, the corruption, the tragedy that he sees.He didn't try to understand them.He values ​​people more, and he puts all responsibilities on people's shoulders.He ignores the system, and sometimes he supports it, consciously or unconsciously, so that he thinks he has seen a good side of the system that his brothers may not have seen.Although he expressed all kinds of dissatisfaction with this big family, but in his heart he often thought that if the elders could give up their temporary willfulness, sacrifice some of their prejudices, and pay more attention to human feelings, things would be close to a happy state.There is a gulf between his claim and that of his brother.Juexin knew this, and so did Juemin.Juemin never gave up the idea of ​​persuading his brother, although he saw hope getting smaller and smaller every day.Juexin knew that he could not convince his younger brother, he only hoped that Juemin's thoughts would gradually become milder.But on the contrary, Juemin's thinking has gradually become violent.Juexin was aware of the difference in thinking between the two of them, but he never understood the extent of the difference.Now unexpectedly (yes, more or less unexpectedly) hearing such words come out of Juemin's mouth, Juexin couldn't help being greatly shocked. "I can't, why do you have such an idea?" Juexin exclaimed in pain, "You want to overthrow this system?" He shook his head and said in denial, "This is a dream! I'm afraid it won't work in another hundred years." !" "How do you know you can't succeed? There have been many equally great things accomplished in the past! No rotten thing can last forever," Juemin said happily, full of faith. "This is what the revolutionary party advocates! This is socialism!" Juexin said with a terrified expression. "Juemin was not at all alarmed. He looked at Juexin and smiled, and replied frankly: "This is still the opinion of countless young people.This era should be the age of young people. " Juexin looked at Juemin in surprise, and said wearily, "I don't understand you a bit. You also went on the same path as the third brother. You all went on that path." Juemin looked at Juexin silently. "What way?" Shuhua couldn't help interjecting and asked. Juexin looked at Shuhua in surprise, then shook his head and said, "You don't know." "It's because I don't know that I want you to tell me. What is the way you tell me?" Shuhua asked persistently. Juexin didn't seem to hear her words. "It's a long, long way," Juemin suddenly answered their sister in a loud voice instead of Juexin. Shuhua didn't understand what Juemin meant.Qin smiled happily and nodded slightly towards Juemin.