Chapter 40 39

Walking back from Dongcheng, Ruixuan felt bad all the way.In terms of earning money to support his family, he should at least feel relieved; but in terms of doing "foreign" things, although he is different from John Ding, he is somewhat awkward.At best, he gave up those students and went to help foreigners, which is also a kind of escape.He felt that he did the most sorry thing for the country when the country needed him most!He lowered his head and walked slowly.He didn't have the face to look at the people on the street, even though there were many people who went to Beihai to watch the excitement walking on the street in a daze.He himself is not confused, but what has he done for the country?He shirked responsibility.

However, he couldn't deny that this opportunity did solve the immediate difficulty—the whole family could not go hungry for the time being.He can't do things without any flaws. Peiping is no longer the Peking of the Chinese, and the people of Peiping are no longer people who can live according to their own wishes.It seems that he should celebrate that he has not been completely caught by the Japanese, but has found a gap that is slightly enough to comfort himself.Thinking of this, he raised his head again.He thought that he should buy some festive snacks for the old people to please them a little bit.He laughed that he would only be a filial son like a mother-in-law, but this is a reasonable action after all, at least it is better than frowning and worrying the old people!He bought 20 yuan of five poisonous cakes at a pastry shop in Pailou, Xidan.

This is an old shop, and there are red signs in gold letters such as "Manchu Hanbobo", "Tribute to Fine Points" and so on outside the door.Inside the shop, which is extremely clean and elegant, there are only a few large vermilion wooden boxes containing various snacks.There is nothing else on the wall, only a large mural that has turned yellow and dark, which depicts stories from "Three Kingdoms" and "Chinese War".Ruixuan loves this kind of shop, the room is full of gentle sugar and cakes, and there is a slight smell of butter, which makes people feel comfortable and peaceful.The light in the room was quite dark, but as soon as I approached the counter, there was a shopkeeper with a forever shaved head and a forever washed face. He came up quietly and with a smile, and spoke in a very gentle whisper. Ask: "What do you buy?"

There are no colorfully decorated glass cabinets, no colorful cans and cartons, no shopkeepers doing business while joking, and no colorful "big sale" and "second anniversary" notes.There are a lot of brand names, rules, elegance and cleanliness, and genuine goods at a fair price.This is a real shop in Peking, fully equipped with the culture of Peking.However, this kind of shop has been slowly extinct, and there are only four or five shops left in the whole city, and these four or five shops will also be changed into "Daoxiang Village", where dim sum, ham, and tea are sold together; otherwise, they will perish .And with it are rules, honesty, the group of craftsmen with real craftsmanship, and the most polite shopkeepers.Ruixuan asked about several kinds of dim sum, and the shop assistants replied "no" in apologetic manner.The shopkeeper's reason was that the materials could not be bought, and no one would buy them even if they were prepared.The only seasonal snack is Wudubing, because it can't be sold, it can be crushed and made into a "cup furnace"-a kind of most digestible snack for pregnant women.Ruixuan knew that Wudubing was not tasty, but he had no choice but to buy 20 yuan. He knew that next year, even the term Wudubing might be wiped out with the fall of Beiping!

Out of the shop, he said to himself: "Maybe we will have to eat Japanese dim sum next year at Duanyang! Didn't I even do something foreign? Manners, rules, honesty, and elegance will all perish if we dare not defend them with all our might if!" When he was almost home, he met Master Liu, a shed builder.Master Liu's face suddenly turned red.Ruixuan felt strange and embarrassed, it was not good to say anything, and it was not good not to say anything.Master Liu had already lowered his head, but quickly raised it up again, determined to speak clearly, he is a person who can't hide his words. "Mr. Qi, I went to Beihai, but I didn't play tricks for them. I didn't even want to go, but the meeting head reported my name. If I don't go, I will cause trouble! You What should I do? I had no choice but to answer, but it's no joke! I..." He seemed to be in a mess, and he didn't know what to say. He really hated the Japanese and would never give it to the Japanese. Playing like a lion, but he couldn't disobey the leader's order, because if he disobeyed, he might suffer a bit.He wants to teach Ruixuan to understand his difficulties and still respect him.Knowing that he had lost face, he asked for forgiveness.He also knew that this time he was there but did not perform, and probably he would have to end next time, so what should he do?He knows the truth of "how dare you not bow your head when you are under the low eaves", but he has been arrogant all his life. Could it be that he really wiped out the glory of the past and bowed his head to the enemy willingly?Don't bow your head, the Japanese may show him some color.He has only a little martial arts, and the Japanese have machine guns!

Ruixuan could imagine the sadness and worry in Master Liu's heart, but he couldn't find any suitable words to say it.He once asked Master Liu, with his martial arts, why he didn't leave Peiping.Since Master Liu couldn't leave at that time, what else is there to say now?He wanted to say: "If you don't leave, you have to take off your face and throw it in the cesspit!" However, this is too unlike words to comfort the neighbor—and a good neighbor.He could no longer persuade Master Liu to escape. If Master Liu had no difficulties, he believed that he would leave Peiping without waiting for persuasion.What's the use of talking empty words when there are difficulties and he can't help them?His lips moved a few times, but he couldn't find words.Although he was not captured and tortured by the Japanese, he already felt that his heart was being tortured.

At this moment, Cheng Changshun ran out from the door. He kowtowed, no matter what was good or bad, he just said: "Master Liu! I heard that you are also playing with a lion?" Master Liu didn't return a word, his eyes were on fire.He couldn't care less about a child, but he couldn't help but get angry. He stared at Chang Shun as if he wanted to stare him to death. Changshun was frightened, he knew he had said something wrong.He didn't say anything more, and slowly retreated to the door. "Damn it!" Master Liu cursed out of boredom, and then added: "Goodbye!" He turned his head and walked away.

Ruixuan was stunned for a while, and then slowly walked into the house.He didn't know how to judge Master Liu and Cheng Changshun.In terms of heart, they are all bloody people.In terms of situation, they are almost the same as him.He could not praise them, and he was ashamed to blame them.They and he seem to have been born specifically to suffer the torture of their souls in Peking.Beiping is where they were born and where they are buried—maybe the Japanese buried them alive! However, his Five Poison Cake was a success.Old man Qi didn't want to eat, but there was a smile on his face.In his more than seventy years of memory, every event and every season has a set of cards, recording a set of things and methods.In his set of cards for the Duanyang Festival, Wudu cakes are written in red letters just like moon cakes for Mid-Autumn Festival and rice cakes for New Year's Day.He doesn't necessarily want to eat them, but he is willing to see them so that he can check against the cards in his mind, and then feel relieved that the world hasn't changed.This year's Dragon Boat Festival, he didn't see cherries, mulberries, rice dumplings, or talismans.He didn't say anything, but the cards in his heart appeared up and down, which made him uneasy.Now, he saw at least one thing, and it was something written in scarlet letters. He felt that the Duanyang Festival had come to an end, and even the Japanese couldn't eliminate it.He quickly took two yuan and gave it to Xiao Shun'er and Niuzi.

Both Xiao Shun'er and Niuzi held the piece of snack with both hands, and Xiao Niuzi inhaled happily.Xiao Shun'er had already taken a bite, and then asked: "This is the five-poison cake! Is it poisonous?" The old man sighed and smiled: "The scorpions and centipedes on it are all made from molds, and they are not poisonous!" Ruixuan watched from the sidelines, at first he felt sorry for the children—since the fall of Beiping, the children had nothing to eat.After staying for a while, he suddenly realized something: "No wonder some people are traitors. After all, eating and drinking are the basic enjoyment of life! There are delicious foods, and children laugh as cute as little angels!" He said Looking at Xiao Shun'er, he nodded.

"Dad!" Xiao Shun'er moved her tongue from the snack: "Why are you nodding?" The little girl was afraid that adults would say that she only cared about eating, so she asked inexplicably, "Nod?" Ruixuan gave a wry smile, unwilling to answer anything.If he wanted to answer, he would definitely say: "But, I can't sell my soul for the children's smiles!" He was not as restless as the second child.He didn't want to tell the family right away that he had found a new place.If it was in peacetime, he must be very happy to get that position, because he can earn a little more money, and he can have the opportunity to speak English every day, and he can also read foreign books and magazines, and listen to foreign language radio.Now, he still saw these conveniences, but he couldn't be happy.He always felt that abandoning those students was a matter of lack of bravery, loyalty, and evasion of responsibility.If he tells his family, he can guess that everyone will be very happy, and everyone's joy will increase his shame and pain.

However, he couldn't hold back his tongue, seeing how many smiles a few dim sums would elicit, old and young.He had to tell them, to make everyone happier. He spoke out.Sure enough, the joy of the old man and Yunmei was just as much as he had guessed.In a few words, the news spread to Nanwu.The mother was so excited that she came over immediately, and told her father-in-law one by one how she couldn’t close her eyes all night when the first child was working to earn money, and how when the second child was going to work, she gave him money all night. He rushed to make a pair of black velvet cloth-soled shoes, but the shoes were ready, and the second child went to buy a pair of leather shoes himself, which made her feel uncomfortable for two or three days. The daughter-in-law's words gave the husband some inspiration, and the old man Qi's words also opened the gate.He mentioned the events of Tianyou's prime of life, making everyone seem to be listening to stories about old age and forget that Tianyou is still alive.He told stories that even Mrs. Tianyou didn't know, which made the old man very proud. Regardless of whether the story itself was interesting or not, it was old enough to make his daughter-in-law's rotten sesame seeds less attractive. Yunmei was happier than everyone else.Over the past few months, she has suffered countless hardships for the food and clothing of her family.It's all right now, my husband has foreign affairs.At a glance, she saw the foreign money that she hadn't got yet, and the foreign money could save her from worrying about the rice in the jar and the shoes and socks on the child's feet.She doesn't have to scold the Japanese anymore.Even if the Japanese continue to occupy Beiping, it has nothing to do with her!Listening to the old man and mother-in-law "talking about ancient times", she had some experience in raising children, which was worth mentioning, but she didn't dare to speak, because if the two old relatives were talking about ancient trees, her experience would be nothing more than A little green seedling that has just grown.She thought that since her husband had a reliable income, the family would be able to live in harmony. In another twenty or thirty years, she would be able to sit on the kang and tell her children about the past. Ruixuan listened and watched, feeling sad in his heart, and did not dare to run away.Watching and listening is his responsibility!Seeing others laugh, he had to laugh along with him or nod his head.He thought of Instructor Yamaki.If Shanmu couldn't cry even after his son died, he himself had to laugh with the old people when the city was dead.The warlike madness of the whole nation makes the mountains and trees as ruthless as iron and stone, and the traditional filial piety of the whole nation makes him overly sentimental—even he can ignore the danger of the country!He couldn't cut off the friendship in the human relationship, but he also knew that the burden of the family made him, or many others, delay the great event of serving the country!He is sad, but there is no way to correct himself; how can one finger move thousands of years of culture? With great difficulty, the two old men reached a certain point in their conversation, and Ruixuan thought that he could hide in his room and rest for a while.But old man Qi wants to go to the street to have a look, in order to send a letter to his son Tianyou and teach him to like it.Xiao Shun'er and Niu Zi are also going, but Yunmei insists that the old man can't take care of the two mischievous spirits.Ruixuan had no choice but to accompany him.He asked Xiao Shun'er: "Didn't you just go to Beihai?" It means to teach the children not to follow. "Still talking!" Yunmei replied: "I cried a lot just now! The second master is willing to take them, but the fat aunt thinks it's troublesome, so she doesn't allow them to go. Look at the two little people who are crying. !" Ruixuan is speechless again, taking the children out is also a responsibility! Fortunately, as soon as the young and old went out, they ran into Xiao Cui.Ruixuan really didn't want to make another trip, so he handed over the old man and the child to Xiao Cui: "Master Cui, can you take Grandpa to the shop? The slower the walk, the better! Xiao Shun'er, Niuzi, please do well." Sit down, don't mess around! Master Cui, if there is no other business, then pull them back." Xiao Cui nodded.Rui Xuan helped grandpa into the car; Xiao Cui carried the children up, and then pulled them away talking and laughing. Ruixuan breathed a sigh of relief. The old lady was under the jujube tree, looking at the small green jujubes that had just formed on the tree like tender peas.Ruixuan came back from the door and saw his mother under the tree, he felt very strange.The leaves of the jujube tree glowed light green, and the old lady's face was very yellow and very quiet. He seemed to have seen a beautiful and moving picture, and he thought of his mother in the past.Comparing his mother in his teens or twenties with his mother now, he doesn't seem to know her anymore.He froze, staring at her blankly.She slowly looked away from Xiaoluzaozi and looked at him.Her eyes were deeply sunken in the sockets, and the eyeballs were a little shriveled and dull, but they still showed kindness and tenderness—her eyes had changed, but the charm hadn't changed, she was still a mother.Ruixuan suddenly felt a little hot in his heart. He wished he could go over and hold her hand, call her mother, call out her kindness and tenderness, and call out her eyes and everything from ten or twenty years ago. return.If he yelled "Mom" like that, he thought he would be as naive as Xiao Shun'er and Niu Zi, pouring out all the grievances in his heart, making his heart happy for a while!However, he didn't call out, his mouth in his thirties can no longer call mother innocently. "Ruixuan!" Mom called softly, "Come here, let me talk to you!" Her voice was so gentle, as if she was begging him a little bit. He agreed very affectionately.He couldn't refuse his mother's pleading.He knew that the second and third children were not at home, and his mother must feel very lonely.He was ashamed of why he hadn't thought of this earlier, so he gave his mother more warmth and comfort.He followed his mother into the south room. "Boss!" Sitting on the edge of the kang, my mother said with an unnatural smile, "You found something, but I don't think you're very happy, are you?" How to answer well. "Tell the truth, aren't you telling me the truth?" "Yeah, Mom! I'm not very happy!" "Why?" The old lady smiled again, as if to say that no matter what his son answered, she would not be angry. The boss knows that there is no need to tell lies. "Mom, I can't do the country for the sake of my family, and I can't do the country for the sake of the country! For several months, I have been unhappy because of this, and I am still unhappy now, and I don't think I will be happy in the future. I think the country meets Such a big event, and I didn't go to participate, it's really———" He couldn't think of the right words, and smiled half-ashamedly and half-boringly. The old lady was stunned for a long time, then nodded: "I understand! My grandfather and I got you involved!" "I have a wife and children myself! They also depend on me to live!" "Does someone often laugh at you? Say you are cowardly and incompetent?" "No! My conscience laughs at me all the time!" "Hmm! Me, I hate that I'm not dead yet, I'm always tired of eating!" "mom!" "I can see that the Japanese devils will not leave Beiping for a while. You will never be happy if they are here! I keep you with my eyes open every day. You are my eldest son. You are not happy." , I won't feel good either!" Rui Xuan remained silent for a long time.After walking two steps in the room, he smiled boredly: "Mom, don't worry! I'll be happy soon!" "You?" Mom also smiled. "I understand you!" Ruixuan's heart ached, but he couldn't say anything. Mom didn't make a sound either. Finally, Ruixuan accosted and said: "Mom, lie down for a while! I'm going to write a letter!" He walked out with great difficulty. Back in his own room, he didn't want to think about his mother's words anymore, because it was always the same sentence when he thought of it, and there would never be a solution.He can only perfunctory the environment instead of creating a new situation. He feels that his life is ruined for nothing. He really wanted to write a letter, to the school to resign.When he reached his own room, he hurriedly picked up his pen.He was willing to change his mind so that he would forget what his mother said.However, holding a pen, he couldn't write.He thought he should go to school and meet the students again.He should tell the students: Those who can go, go, leave Peiping!If you can’t leave, you must study hard and accumulate knowledge; China will not perish, you must accumulate knowledge so that you can do your best for the country in the future.Don't deliberately provoke the Japanese, and don't be willing to be their lackeys; you must be patient, the patience of the strong Shen Yi, and never forget revenge and shame in your heart! How many times did he repeat this passage over and over again.He felt that only by explaining this way, he could redeem a little bit of the sin of giving up the students.But how would he say it?If he dared to speak openly in the lecture hall, he would be arrested immediately.He knew that there had been arrests at every school.It is not necessarily wise to be wise and protect yourself in this troubled era, but once he is caught, grandfather and mother will definitely die of sorrow.He put down his pen and walked back and forth in the room.Yes, the Japanese haven't caught him yet, and haven't put him to death, but his mouth, hands, and even his heart are all in chains!After walking for a long time, he sat down again, picked up a pen, and wrote a very simple letter to the principal.Written, sealed, and stamped, he trotted and dropped it in the mailbox on the street.He was afraid of hesitating for a moment, so he regretted not saying goodbye to the students face to face, so he didn't want to send the letter. When it was almost time for dinner, Xiao Cui pulled the three of them back.The weather was quite hot, coupled with the excitement, the faces of Xiao Shun'er and Niuzi were all red, glowing red.Although Old Man Qi's face was not flushed, there was a lot of happiness hidden in his small eyes.He told Yunmei: "It seems that nothing is going on in the street, maybe the Japanese won't make any trouble anymore, right?" Where there is hope, there is also error.The old man only hoped for peace, so he looked at the scene on the street and thought that nothing happened. Xiao Cui called Ruixuan under the big locust tree, and said in a low voice, "Mr. Qi, guess who I met?" "Who?" "Mr. Qian!" "Qian—" Ruixuan grabbed Xiao Cui's arm and pulled him into the door; after closing the door, he said again: "Mr. Qian?" Xiao Cui nodded. "I was waiting for the old man in the small teahouse opposite the cloth shop. As soon as the tea was brewed, I saw him at a glance! His one leg was a bit inconvenient to walk, and he walked very slowly. When I entered the teahouse, the room was dark and the outside was bright. He collected himself, as if he couldn't see where the tea table was." "What is he wearing?" Ruixuan asked in a low voice; his heart was beating very fast. "A very dirty white cloth trousers and coat! Bare feet, which seem to be wearing, and seem to be dragging, a pair of dirty and worn-out cloth shoes!" "Oh!" Ruixuan immediately thought that Poet Qian no longer wears a gown; a Pekingese dares to give up his gown to do real things! "Is he fat or thin?" "Very thin! Maybe it's because of his hair. It seems that his hair hasn't been cut for several months! When the hair grows, doesn't the face look smaller?"" Do you have white ones?" Xiao Cui thought for a while: "Yes! Yes! His eyes are very bright. Don't they always have tears in his eyes when he speaks, and don't laugh? Now, he still smiles like that. But there are no more tears. His eyes are very bright and dry, and when he sees me, I don't feel very strong!" "Didn't you ask where he lives?" "I asked, he smiled and didn't say anything! I asked him a lot of things, where do you live? What are you doing? How is Mr. Jin? He didn't answer! He sat with me and asked for a bowl of boiled water After taking a sip of water, his mouth opened. His voice was very low, but there were not many people in the teahouse at that time." "What did he tell you?" "There are a lot of words, because his voice is low and he has no front teeth, I can't understand. I can understand one thing, he taught me to walk!" "Where are you going?" "Be a soldier!" "what do you say?" "Me?" Xiao Cui blushed. "Look, Mr. Qi, I just found a job, how can I leave?" "What's the matter?" "Your second master taught me to give him a monthly contract! Since we are acquaintances, and can be less tired, I don't want to go!" "You still hate the Japanese?" "Of course! I told Mr. Qian that I just had something to do and I can't leave. We can talk about it after putting things aside?" "How did he say?" "He said? When you lose your life, it will be too late!" "Is he mad?" "No! He taught me to think again!" As if he was afraid that Ruixuan would nail him down again, he hurriedly continued, "He also gave me a talisman!" He took out one from his pocket. The Five Thunder Talisman with red letters on yellow paper. "I don't know why you gave me this? Didn't the talisman come off at noon on May Day? It's getting dark now!" Ruixuan took the talisman, opened it, looked at the front, and then turned over Come over and look at the back, except for the red seal of Five Thunder Jue and Zhang Tianshi's seal, he can't see anything else. "Master Cui, can you give it to me?" "Take it, Mr. Qi! I'm leaving! The fare has already been paid." After speaking, he opened the door and walked out, as if he was a little afraid that Ruixuan would ask him any more. After lighting the lamp, he picked up the talisman and looked at it carefully. On the back, he saw some words.Those characters are also in red, written on the red color coming through from the talisman; if you don't pay attention, they are just some red ideas and ways, which are heavier than the red color coming through. As he approached the light, he looked carefully, and he found a new poem: "With a mouthpiece dripping with blood, I implore you: Leave the house without the national flag, and stop being reluctant! The country is calling you, Like a mother calling to her children! Go, take off your gowns, for the gowns will make you fall - into your grave! Today, your dress should be a military uniform. Hasn't your country become a battlefield? Leave this dead Peking, and you will triumph; To stay here is to accompany the coffin! Resistance and bloodshed are your most honorable badges, In order to survive, you must hang it on your chest! Otherwise, you will all die, in shame and hunger! Let's go, I beg you! One more walk will result in one less slave, and one more walk will add one more soldier! Let's go, the country is calling you, the country-home-is-calling-calling-you! " After reading it, Ruixuan's palms were sweating.Really, this is not a good poem, but every word in it is like a very sharp needle, piercing his heart!He just refused to take off his long gown, but was willing to accompany the coffin, shameless, man!It wasn't a good poem, but he couldn't put it down.After a while, he had read it by heart.So what if you are familiar with it?His face was hot. "Xiao Shun'er, tell Dad to eat! "Yunmei's voice. "Dad! Eat!" Xiao Shun'er called sharply. Ruixuan trembled all over, and stuffed the talisman into his pocket.