Chapter 13 Chapter 12 A Killer's Aging

run away December 21st "Petty's gone!" Received a call from my wife, saying that Patty's jar was found to be empty yesterday morning, and he must have escaped at night.She and her daughter searched every corner of the house, and turned over the leaves of each potted flower to see that Patty was hiding under the leaves, but there was nothing. "The gauze is well covered, but it can't bite open. Why did it escape?" I asked. The wife hesitated for a moment and said, "Since she gave birth, she seems to be not as energetic as before. Didn't you say that the mantis will die after laying eggs? So I just covered her with gauze the day before yesterday after feeding her, no rubber Tie up your tendons. Who told you that your praying mantis is such a ghost, it just slipped away without being tied up all night.

"Maybe she climbed into the radiator along the wall, and when the radiator turned on, she would be roasted to death." I said, "She didn't necessarily want to escape from prison when she left. Maybe she deserved to die and didn't want to die in front of us." Many animals seem to have personalities that face death alone.From childhood to adulthood, I have raised many cats and dogs, and every dog ​​died in front of my eyes, and even opened their eyes to see me before they died.But none of the cats died before my eyes. In fact, I love cats more than dogs. Those cats sleep with me every day and sit on my lap to accompany me in my homework.But why do they all sneak away and die in a place I don't know?

My mother once explained this, saying that cats don’t die at home, and when they know they are going to die, they will run out alone.It's just that I can't figure it out, where did they go?Why can't I find it? I also suspected that it was the "adult" who hid his body so that I would not be sad when I saw it.But ever since I experienced the death of my favorite big yellow cat, I believe that "a cat will face death alone". That yellow cat is called "Liu Mao", and I fed it with eye drops and bottled milk.Sleeping at my wife's feet in winter and on our pillows in summer.But on the day it died, it only yelled at my door a few times in the middle of the night, and my mother specially said to it, "We know you are sick and uncomfortable, go to sleep!" Appear.The house was tightly shut, and I believe it must have been hiding under the floorboards of the house, or died somewhere.

A Japanese-style house is tens of square meters in size, and the bottom is empty. How can I find it?I decided to try to turn over a piece of tatami, and then pry up the floor below to look for it.Before prying open the floor, I prayed: "Liu Mao, you are going to die early, just die under the floor I pried up, don't make it too difficult for me." The floor was pried up, and its body was lying stiff underneath.And there happened to be my bedside. I often thought afterwards that cats are really spiritual animals. They may die in a place where you can't find them, but their hearts are always connected with you. "Looking around", maybe the spirit of every dead pet will "look around" with us.So, now I think, will Patty also know that he is about to die, and he is unwilling to die in front of his master?

Pets have two different personalities, one is like a dog, it is your lover, always obeying your orders, and being tender with you, they are willing to die in your arms.The other is like cats, they don’t come and go when they are called; they have their own personalities, they are very independent when they are alive, and they are also very independent when they die.They leave silently, facing the limit of life alone. Why not?Some people are seriously ill, and they want their old friends to visit them, and their loved ones to stay by their side day and night.There are also some people who will refuse to receive guests, preferring to leave the most beautiful impression on everyone.There are also some who don't want to wait until they are in a coma, and are rescued like plants, showing their ugly appearance on the verge of death.To die voluntarily, or to hide and die secretly.

Kawabata Yasunari, Zhang Ailing, Sanmao... Isn't it all like this? Death is something that you can only face by yourself. No one can help you accept death, let alone tell you what it will be like in the future.Death is something we are "going towards" every moment from birth, and it is also something we often think about, wonder about, and fear.Death is a door, looking, looking, looking for a lifetime, only to see others go in, but no one comes out, and finally one day it is our turn.It's more like a mystery or lottery draw, the moment when the truth is revealed!It's just that when we know what death is, we are already dead.

So we can say that death is "the greatest pain" and "the end of all pains".The pain of our life is over at this moment.If there is another world after death, death has nothing to fear, because it is just entering another dimension.If it disappears completely after death, it will not cause any pain, because there is no life that feels pain. I appreciate what Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) said—— "An old man has understood the joys and sorrows of life and has accomplished his part. If there is still fear of death, it is quite a humble thing." <How to live the life of the elderly>

Russell's use of the word "humble" is somewhat excessive.Because people cannot help but fear death, and I believe Russell himself would.So I think that sentence should be changed to "One should not complain about old age after enjoying all the young life. Because old age is something that everyone has to face, including fear and pain, and you have to bear it alone." In the matter of facing death, I admire Mr. Liang Shiqiu even more. When he was alive, he was very positive, very romantic, and very down-to-earth.When someone with "Tao Xing" said that he could open the "zenith" for him so that his soul could enter a higher state, he refused.And when his death was approaching, he just wrote in his will lightly, "I have worked hard all my life, and my life is dying. It is very sad to draw up this will." Resent you.

Life and death are not up to us.Where there is birth, there is death, and when one gets a body, one gets sickness.Because there is "gain", there will be "loss".If you get it first, then lose it one day, what's the point of resentment? The stronger he is, the more he will have no regrets about life and death; the more heroic he is, the more he dares to face death alone.They will even take the initiative to fight and die on the battlefield. To beg for death is to beg for benevolence. "Death is heavier than Mount Tai", we can use the power of Mount Tai to sacrifice, fight, and die; "Death is lighter than a feather", we can use the emptiness of a feather to face death.Gently, faintly, swallowed that last breath.Deadline December 25th

Christmas Eve, calling back to New York.Daughter over there yelling "Petty's home!" Missing for five whole days, I thought Patty must be dead, but unexpectedly, on the night of the 23rd, she appeared on the floor of the studio again. "Fortunately, the light was turned on, and she walked slowly." The wife said, "She was standing next to the table, and if she didn't pay attention, she was trampled to death!" My daughter's teacher also wrote after reading the little girl's diary: "Luckily no one accidentally trampled it to death, it probably wouldn't be visible on the floor."

On Christmas Eve, the pet shop was still open, and my wife braved the wind and snow to buy crickets for Patty, who came back from the grand tour.She threw down five at a time, and Patty ate four and killed one, showing how hungry Patty was. From this incident, we can know that praying mantises can live well even in a very dry environment without eating or drinking for a long time.It can also be proved that a female praying mantis can still live for a period of time after laying eggs. I remember that I went to Lanyu for the first time more than 20 years ago. The people there told me that the average life expectancy in Lanyu was only 50 years because of poor sanitation and insufficient nutrition.I was taken aback at the time, and thought to myself, why is life expectancy so far worse than that of the mainland, so close to Taiwan and part of Taitung County. How much loss is it to die twenty years early?For more than twenty years, how many beautiful things can be seen and how many delicious things can be eaten.For the people of this island, fifty years old is still a strong man; for the Yami people of Lanyu, they are already very old. I remember that when I went to Lanyu again in 1975, they were still living a miserable life.The school's nutritious lunch is just a steamed bun and a bowl of wild vegetable soup, and the wild vegetables are brought by students in turn.The teacher there told me that they pour a little lard on the vegetable soup, and the children often stare at their own bowls to count who has more "oil stars". I also remember taking the photojournalist with me, sitting by the sea and eating bento together, and putting the bento beside me after eating.A Lanyu man squatting beside him asked me with his eyes, and when I said I didn't want to eat, he grabbed the leftover bento and immediately put it in his child's mouth. At that time, even though I was a reporter, I didn't dare to say much, I could only present the written form to the audience, asking the so-called "compatriots in the civilized world" to think together.Let me tell you that Lanyu people are our countrymen, and we want to love and protect them, not just throw nuclear waste there. A few years ago, I went to Formosan Aboriginal Culture Village.Seeing the buildings imitating Lanyu, it is so similar, it makes me feel like flying back to Noyin Village 20 years ago.If you look closely, they are all built with reference to the materials of early Japanese anthropologists. It is said that during the Japanese occupation, Orchid Island was specially reserved and not developed, making it a "sample" of primitive peoples for their research.As a result, many precious field reports have been left behind. It's just that over the years, I have often pondered, why should some people in this world be used as samples?Don't they have the right to improve their lives, and we have no obligation to improve their lives? A few days ago, the door of my left neighbor was decorated with lights. It turned out that it was her dog's birthday. "What's your birthday?" I asked. "Ten years old." said the neighbor. "Ten years is pretty old for a dog," I said. She actually raised her eyebrows and said loudly, "You are wrong! Now that they are well nourished, they are just like humans, and their lifespan is much longer than before." is not that right?By how much has average human life expectancy increased over the past fifty years?How much has the lifespan of pets increased?As the sports world is curious, what is the limit of human physical ability?What is the limit of human life, or the life of cats and dogs?The lifespan can be continuously increased, and the limit can be continuously broken. I kept Patty and did everything in my power to keep her alive.I have a private purpose, which is to prove that all life in this world can increase their lifespan and even increase their intelligence by improving their living conditions. Dr. Jane Goodall from the United Kingdom observed the life of chimpanzees in Tanzania and found that chimpanzees actually know how to insert grass stalks into termite holes, pull them out, and eat the termites crawling on them.So some people wondered whether it was a coincidence that someone once "demonstrated" this technology and was learned by chimpanzees. Great chimpanzees (gorilla) have been brought into the laboratory by people and taught many sign languages ​​and words, and the language of dolphins has also been analyzed by humans, so that they can further communicate with them.Monkeys are trained to care for the handicapped; dolphins are trained to take part in military operations; cats can learn to use a human toilet; dogs can guide the blind and search.The intelligence of these animals has improved, and the lifespan has also increased.Who dares to say that one day going to the zoo will not be a chimpanzee collecting tickets at the gate? For the creatures in this world, besides "conservation", do we also have the responsibility of "education".Or is it just us humans, or progressive "civilized people" who are allowed to improve our lives and increase our lifespan? Patty reappeared, and he could kill and eat, which gave me hope.I believe she can be the first praying mantis to spend New Years in New York. "If Patty is still alive at twelve o'clock on the night of the 31st of this month, put her in front of the TV and let her watch the broadcast of the New Year's Light Ball falling in Times Square." I said to my wife: "And help me take a picture This photo is taken down as a commemoration and also as a proof!" New Year - 18th After receiving the letter from his wife, she really took a photo of Patty watching the broadcast of the New Year's Light Ball. The TV screen in the photo is showing "1996" and a round light ball, which hangs down from a tall building in Times Square, New York at zero o'clock on New Year's Day, representing the arrival of the new year. This light ball means more to Patty than I do.Because that was the only light bulb that Patty could see in his life. She actually lived into the new year. In the photo, the glass jar was placed on a small wooden bench, and Patty was holding on to the gauze, facing the TV, it was a bit like watching a broadcast. The daughter also wrote in her diary: "My praying mantis watched the light ball fall on the TV." She added: "When the TV was not turned on in the morning, she (the praying mantis) was a little depressed." People are very good at imagining, saying that autumn is dyed frost red, and winter is whitewashed with silver makeup.In fact, what is really "colored and embellished" is not nature, but human feeling.This is like the sunset is not artistic, what is artistic is the human soul. The same scenery, in different moods, is so different.A cuckoo can be beautiful, but it can also weep blood; an ape can be beautiful, or it can be mournful; It can also "sorrow away from others". I don't know if my wife and daughter also used their imagination. "Petty is so old now, with wrinkles on her face, like an old woman. After giving birth, her belly has shrunk, and she seems to have stretch marks. She doesn't even have the strength to walk, and it takes a long time to walk two steps." The wife said. The daughter wrote in her diary: "My praying mantis is very old. Her muscles are no longer strong enough to catch the worm. She is about a hundred years old." The teacher asked, "How do you know how old she is?" The daughter wrote the next day: "Because she is very old and cowardly." But the next day, she changed her words again and wrote in her diary: "I think my praying mantis is going to lay eggs again. My dad said that after laying eggs, the praying mantis dies. But my praying mantis didn't die. My dad also said that the eggs won't hatch because there are no boys." The teacher probably knew that the little girl would not hatch because she didn't understand why "there is no boy", so she added two sentences: the praying mantis needs a male praying mantis, and then the eggs can hatch. " The child is too young, and the teacher can't explain too much, and what he said is like nothing said. But I really admire my daughter's teacher.She asks the children to keep a diary every morning and read it right away.In the process of watching, understand the situation of the child's life.Counseling for counseling, comfort for comfort. I once asked her why she didn't correct students' misspelled words.For example, a daughter will write daddy (Daddy) as dead (dead), and said (say) as sad (sad).God!If she originally meant "Daddy said", it would have become "dead sad". But the teacher has her opinion. She said that children should be encouraged to try to spell and guess with their own words.As you read and learn, you will naturally discover mistakes and correct them yourself.The most important thing to teach children does not require them to spell correctly and memorize firmly.Instead, it makes them like to learn and express, and feel that it is a kind of happiness. This reminds me of teaching "reciting poetry" at Normal University.At that time, I was very impatient, and the students would throw a tantrum if their recitations dissatisfied me a little.But one day, in the middle of the teaching, I had a temporary phone call, and I went out to answer it. When I finished the call and went back, I heard the students practicing in the classroom from a distance, which was much better than when I was present. I later thought that they must have recited well because I was not around, not nervous, and able to play boldly.From then on, when I sent out a poem, I often did not demonstrate it, and asked them to think and practice by themselves.Sure enough, from the mess at the beginning, a tacit understanding gradually developed, and the expression became more orderly and spiritual.Because they didn't recite the concepts and syllables that I rigidly instilled, but communicated spiritually after they understood it. I also remember that when I was in Taiwan recently, I visited a friend's house. The friend's child was doing his homework, and he looked up and asked his father, "Where does the bird live?" "Of course it's on the tree." My friend replied. "No! No! No!" I immediately corrected: "Some birds, like fish dogs, will dig holes on the bank and live in soil holes; Some water birds, like mandarin ducks, will fly some distance away from the water and live in tree holes..." My friend listened, opened his eyes wider and wider, and finally interrupted me: "Can you help me! If you answer like that, my child will definitely fail." Of course, the concept of education in China has also changed a lot in recent years.For example, in mathematics, the topic of three times four equals twelve may be written as 3+3+3+3=12 at the beginning. My friend read it and said: "It's so stupid, just teach children to memorize three, four, one and twelve. Why bother?" I said: "That's right! Before you teach your child to memorize formulas, you should let him have the concept of numbers instead of rote memorization methods." I also emphasized: "If you only want him to answer quickly and do well in the test, you can Memorize it by rote; but if you want him to become a great mathematician and scientist in the future, you must let the child have basic concepts from an early age..." He interrupted me again: "Who cares about greatness? The most important thing is to pass the exam!" I spread my hands and thought to myself: Although we have many first-class teachers now, it seems that we have to work harder to educate first-class parents. However, I thought again: This old friend in front of me is a master who is studying in the United States, and he is also in an important position. It is impossible for him not to have an open mind. Will he have to face the reality because of the pressure of entering a higher school? The problem is that standard education creates standard thinking; standard thinking leads to rigidity and narrowness.Doesn't this run counter to the country's development direction of pursuing democratization and internationalization?Under the pressure of dogma and formula, people's creativity cannot be "empty", even if it is a "sky horse".Without the freedom of thinking, it would be impossible for a great scientist like Einstein to emerge.Birthday Kills January 29th Returned to New York late last night. Every old friend probably knows that the best time to find me in New York is at the end of January.No matter how complicated or changed my itinerary, at the end of January, I will definitely be back home in Long Island for my daughter’s birthday. Today is Xiaofan's seventh birthday, and it's also a big day for Patty, because her daughter will take Patty to school to show her classmates. To be honest, I never dreamed that this praying mantis could live so long, not only through the New Year, but also until the end of January. This month, New York has had the heaviest snowfall in decades. The snow has crushed trees, interrupted power lines, and the power went out several times in a row, so we had to turn on the stove to keep warm.But Patty, the praying mantis who was supposed to live in summer, actually survived well. Of course, today's Patty is no longer the Patty of last year. Although she is still a killer, she can still catch bugs, but as her daughter wrote in her diary, her muscles are no longer strong.Now that it has lost its vitality, it becomes cowardly. I read her daughter's diary in Taipei, and I still don't understand why she called Patty "cowardly".It wasn't until I came back and saw it with my own eyes that I realized that it was indeed a kind of "cowardice". When I threw the cricket in, Patty was no longer as young as he was, and immediately took the initiative to catch it.She does not move, waiting for her prey to come.It doesn't move at all, and often still walks to the bottom of the tank, standing there in a daze, or occasionally "shoots", but it is a "false move" and does not really catch the cricket. It reminds me of the famous boxing champion Muhammad Ali's fight against George Foreman in Saye in October 1974.Before the match, everyone thought that the 32-year-old Ali would lose. In the first few rounds, Ali always retreated to the rope ring, raised his fists, covered his head, and let Fuhrman severely repair him. But gradually, Furman, known for his explosive power, got tired, and Ali started to attack hard, regaining the title of boxing champion.I found that Patty today is just like Ali back then. She knew her physical strength was failing, so she resorted to a war of attrition. A clever killer, even in his old age, can still use the "wisdom to kill" to replace the "power to kill".And concentrate your strength, use your existing skills, and knock down your opponent "one time". I could see that Patty's bluff was really a bluff, and the cricket ran away in fright.She then takes advantage of "dead spots," such as when the cricket escapes right between the branch and the side of the bottle. Patty could no longer lift the cricket to her mouth to eat, her arms were no longer strong enough to punch, and her waist would not allow her to stand upright anymore.She devours the cricket almost by falling down and lying on top of the prey. It's just that she has a mission today - to go to school and perform massacre techniques under the watchful eyes of the whole class. My daughter had already told her classmates how brave her praying mantis was, how it ate seven bumblebees at once, and how it caught bees in the air.How much I love watching TV and listening to her play the piano.She also wrote a song especially for Patty called "Little Praying Mantis" with the lyrics: "Climb up, down, eat some dessert. I am Little Praying Mantis. come up!come up! tasty!tasty! I am falling. " The little girl actually put Patty next to the piano, played it seriously, and sang to Patty.Then tell everyone "Petty said she likes my song very much!" At two o'clock in the afternoon, my wife, my old father-in-law, and I rushed to school with Patty's jar. We specially wrapped Patty's jar in a thick sweater so that the sub-zero temperatures wouldn't freeze her to death. My wife went to prepare birthday cake and drinks first.Each child has a set of plates, forks, cups and a napkin. The teacher called the children to a corner of the classroom, and everyone sat on the ground and listened to my daughter introduce her pets. The little girl hugged Patty, walked up to each classmate, and said that this is Patty and this is XX.The classmate said, "Hi! Hello Patty! You are welcome to come and play!" It's a pity that everyone can't shake hands with Patty. Then it was time for snacks. Patty's pot was placed in the middle of the table, and the children sat around, eating and admiring Patty. Some children said they wanted to give Patty a cake, but they were blocked by Xiao Sail: "She only eats cakes." Live!" Patty was also very upbeat.Before going out, I put two crickets in the jar.I thought she would be nervous going outside, but unexpectedly, surrounded by the children, Patty made a precise shot, grabbed a fat and big cricket, and ate it with the children. Everyone says YUMMY, YUMMY, delicious!tasty!If it were me, I would definitely not be able to eat the cake in front of me seeing Patty biting the cricket's belly to reveal the white viscera.But children are different.They think that Patty is the pet of their classmates, that is, one of them. Let's eat together, what a joy!