Chapter 13 11

The heavy wooden wheels of the cart rattled over the dirt road.Among the countless carriages, there were many porters, carrying baskets of ammunition on their shoulder poles. There were many Koreans in white robes crowded in the crowd, each of them was carrying a strange A-shaped wooden frame. People got into the frame and put it on their shoulders. It was full of things, a bag of Bags of grain, bundles of military uniforms, military blankets, and various military supplies.This kind of A-frame is a main means of transportation in North Korea, known as "North Korea's jeep". The sky at dawn is a clear pale blue.There was fighting going on on the Eastern Front, and the rumble of guns and explosions could be heard.A few flares were hanging on the parachute, falling very slowly, hanging in mid-air almost motionless, glowing green.

The military supplies loaded on each carriage always weighed a ton, and they were piled up like a hill in black.The cart drivers wore three-piece broken leather hats and old sheepskin robes with open collars. They were all from the three eastern provinces and were mobilized from their villages to "volunteer to support the front."The car and livestock are all their own, and they feel indescribably distressed. There are a large number of civilians in the army, most of whom are farmers from the Northeast who were forcibly recruited.The stretcher bearers lined up in an extremely long line, which was surprisingly long.The soldiers lined up beside them, and it was a bit shocking to watch.Could it be that these canvas racks will be full of wounded soldiers sleeping later today?Maybe the superiors made a mistake in their calculations and recruited too many masters.

This army was marched last night and walked all night.Marches have always been at night to avoid air raids.At dawn, I am afraid of being bombed by planes. Such a large target is so dangerous.But the road was crowded with mule carts and blocked as soon as they came, so they couldn't go fast.But he had already walked forty or fifty miles in one night.The CCP's army has inherited the tradition of the 25,000-mile long march and is famous for its good walking.To judge whether a soldier is qualified, the first thing to ask is whether he can endure the hardships of a long-distance march, and the second thing is to ask him to wipe his guns very clean.They don't pay much attention to the accuracy of shooting, mainly because they save bullets and don't give soldiers the opportunity to practice shooting.So when it comes to emergency, mobilize cooks and medical staff to the front line, and don't think they are laymen.

Liu Quan was a member of the cultural troupe of the battalion. There were too many casualties in the front line this time, so he also went to the front line together.When he came to North Korea, he voluntarily asked his superiors to transfer him.Requesting to be sent elsewhere is "emphasizing personal interest", and XIX will not approve it; requesting to go to North Korea is approved very quickly.He just felt that he couldn't survive in mainland China, he couldn't breathe.He just wants to go as far as possible.He was not afraid to suffer on the battlefield, or to be wounded, maimed, or killed.The pain in his heart seemed only to be overwhelmed by a greater pain.

He wears one more cotton coat than ordinary soldiers, but he also wears a bullet belt and a long shoulder bag, and a rice bowl wrapped in cloth is hung on the belt around his waist.The arm carrying the gun was sore and numb, and the old arm that was freely thrown was as heavy as a weighing scale. The newly opened road in the middle of the mountain is surrounded by layers of deserted terraced fields on both sides. Looking up, it is a white morning mist, and the high mountain is just a light blue shadow in the white mist.After all, he is in a foreign country. He thinks that the relationship between time and space is subtle. Sometimes it seems that time and space are separated by ten thousand miles, like five or ten years apart. The past is like smoke.

The wheels of a large cart got stuck in the mire again, and many soldiers behind helped push it, but it still couldn't move it.The team paused again. The North Korean who was carrying the A-frame squatted down, pulled down the two table legs behind the wooden frame, and supported it on the ground, and the frame just stood there by itself.The person carrying it got out easily, leaning on the shelf to rest, with an indifferent expression.There is also an old man inside, wearing a small translucent black top hat made of horsehair. The hat is very small and is placed on the top of the head.They all wear white cloth robes.

"Damn it, who are you going to wear mourning for?" A soldier spat bitterly and said softly, "Come to this depressing place!" "It's time to 'speech strange things' again, Wang Xilin," said another soldier, "be careful to be censored!" "What happened to your chilblains?" Wang Xilin said. "The newly issued leather boots are useless. It's better to use their leather shoes from the three provinces of the Northeast. Stuff some straw inside and it will be much warmer." "The foot is completely broken, and it hurts so much that I feel nauseous." Wang Xilin spat on the ground again.

Liu Quan remembered that Wang Xilin came back from his sentry one night and told his comrades how he volunteered to join the army.That night we stayed at a local folk house. Liu Quan was bitten by bedbugs and lost sleep. He happened to hear them talking quietly outside the window.Wang Xilin said he was from Shandong. This year, there was a meeting in their village to resist US aggression and aid Korea. The village cadres persuaded him in advance, "You should be the first to join the army." ?For whom?He tried his best to offend the cadres, but he refused anyway.Later the cadre said: "Let's do it this way: as long as you are willing to stand up first, you will never be sent to North Korea—send to Sichuan. Sichuan is a good place. You are the first to stand up, and these young men in Murakami will be convinced." You, I know you are a delicate person, and with you taking the lead, everyone will naturally follow." Wang Xilin was forced to do nothing, so he had no choice but to play a role in this deception.When everyone was called to join the army at the meeting, he was the first to step up to the stage to sign up.He didn't know that he lost his freedom as soon as he became a soldier, and he was sent to North Korea in the end?I can't tell the pain.It was like swallowing a piece of burning coal in my heart.

In this division, recruits like him accounted for a very small number, and they were all the CCP's basic troops of the Jiuli Army. They were mixed with the newly recruited soldiers of Fu Zuoyi, so that they could be easily monitored.This army was transferred from the interior to the northeast, and it was announced to them when it passed through Shanghai.Their real destination is North Korea.Nor did they mobilize them to "volunteer to aid North Korea."Simply send them to North Korea.When they arrived at Andong on the Yalu River, a small town in China, the soldiers were ordered to remove the white cloth strips with their names and unit numbers on their chests, and destroy all badges related to the Chinese People's Liberation Army.

"You are the Chinese People's Volunteers now," the officer told them. Liu Quan sometimes thought: "Among these many people, I am the only one who is a real volunteer. There is absolutely no other one. The writer Wei Wei wrote an article "Who is the cutest person?" in praise of the volunteer army. If he knew that the real answer was me, who was almost shot during the Three Antis Movement, he would probably feel refreshed." He couldn't help smiling. The army in front stopped again and came to the river, where there was no bridge.A thin layer of ice had formed on the water, shining brightly in the rising sun.

"Let's go! Let's go!" Several junior officers rushed up and shouted. The grenade hit the ice and exploded with a bang.I went to a dozen or so and blasted the ice.Everyone waded through the water. The water was not very deep, but it was extremely cold and biting. The luggage and the peasants stayed in the valley and did not cross the river. The dawn mist had cleared, and in front of it was a yellow plain like horse dung paper, surrounded by barren hills the color of horse dung paper.Suddenly there was the sound of an airplane buzzing overhead. With an urgent order, everyone dispersed into groups of four or five and continued to move forward. There was a loud bang, the ground shook, and a fountain of brown soil and flames surged from the left, shooting straight into the sky. Their destination is a hill ahead.The hill has been gained and lost several times.The field in front of us was like a face full of pockmarks, densely covered with holes made by shells.The trenches were dug one after another, churning the ground like ice cream. The hill that was the target was just desolate, with no trees and no people in sight.Near the top of the mountain, there are a few tall and thin poplar trees, which look like upside-down brooms. The dead branch growing upside down is swaying in the morning wind, sweeping back and forth in the sky, sweeping the pale blue sky to the ground. Clean, nothing, not even a cloud or a bird. "Boom! Boom! Boom!" Several loud noises came from behind them.It was their own mortars that started firing, covering the attack.But still can't see what they are shooting at, there is just an empty mountain in front of them. There were two more planes overhead, whining around in circles.But the troops ventured to gather, and the cannons behind them rang heavily, like an unimaginably huge drum of war in ancient times, urging them to attack from behind. They were climbing up the hillside one after another when the plane dropped oil sauce bombs. With a bang, a blaze shot up, and the right wing of the team had become a sea of ​​flames.Red flames splashed out in all directions, only the sound of screams was heard, and a smell of cloth hair was smelled. The flames swirled around people like flying clouds, jumping from one person to another, burning their heads and faces. stand up. In the chaos, some people continued to climb up the hillside.Suddenly the bugle sounded.The modern army has long since abolished bugle blowing when attacking, but the CCP still sometimes uses it as a psychological tactic, creating a strange atmosphere of terror that can affect the morale of the opponent's army.The sound of the trumpet changed from slow to rapid, and it was the tune of a charge, with an indescribably sad and tense feeling. "Comrades! Come on...!" the company commander raised one arm high, swung it forward, and shouted hissingly, dragging out the last word for a long, long time. "Come on!" Many people responded mechanically in unison.Everyone started to run, panting and running forward, ignoring everything else, and turning a blind eye.Liu Quan's heart was pounding in his throat.Every time I took a breath, my lungs were about to burst. Halfway up the mountain, someone could be seen on the steep edge of the mountain—a black silhouette with head and shoulders.The small flame of the bullet spit out like a mouthful of phlegm, passing by Liu Quan's ear, making the sound of mosquitoes camping. The soldiers ran quickly and passed Liu Quan.They stooped, as if they were running against a strong wind, holding their rifles horizontally, the bayonets on the guns gleaming silver in the sunlight.They shouted until their faces were disfigured. "Come on!...Kill...Kill..." Liu Quan's left arm was bumped by something, and suddenly became numb. He had to hold it with his right arm, like children holding a doll.He knew he had been shot.After this pause, I heard all the voices that I didn't hear when I was running just now.As if reviving from death, there was a bang in my ears, and I suddenly heard the dense sound of machine guns, the screeching of bullets, and the dull and terrible "Karron! Kahl" from the enemy mortars. Long!" The voices of shouting and killing all around rustled like a storm.He thought everyone was crazy, opened his mouth wide and yelled, his face was crooked, like a watermelon with a piece cut off. A big man came from behind and almost knocked Liu Quan over.The man glanced at Liu Quan with a look of despair, as if he were a wooden stake standing there blocking the way.Then the man yelled and ran over.Liu Quan was bumped by him, and took advantage of this momentum to run forward with the gun again, regardless of the injured arm.He found that as long as he kept moving, it didn't matter, because when he was running, all sensation ceased, and he didn't hear much, and he didn't see much. He continually trampled on those lying on the ground.Those people seemed to be unable to run and lay down.But he saw a familiar soldier who had completely lost the front half of his brain, and his face was splashed with brains.Others just sat there moaning with their stomachs or a leg in their hands, their faces contorted and big tears streaming down their cheeks.Everyone ran faster, as if these people had an infectious disease. Now there is even more shouting of "Kill...Kill...".He didn't understand it at first, but later he realized that it was because he was also shouting like crazy. Suddenly, something like a rubber tube was used on the cliff to spray red flames down seventy or eighty yards away.Liu Quan also heard that the coalition forces had this kind of flamethrower, and everyone turned pale when they mentioned it. The hillside became a flame mountain.The voices were boiling, but the tragic howling was not like a human voice, but like a fire in a stable.Many horses were kept inside. Liu Quan saw everyone running down the mountain in the light of the fire, and he followed suit. This place has retreated, but the people behind are still swarming up.The sea of ​​flames above was spreading, as if it was about to chase down, and the gunshots became more intense.In the chaos, Liu Quan had already run to the foot of the mountain, when suddenly two consecutive "Shhhhhhhh!" Like a ghost howling, two shells landed a few feet away from him and exploded suddenly.Liu Quan only felt a heavy and scorching punch on the back of the head and on the back and legs.He fell down. Many people ran beside him. "Stretcher! Stretcher!" he yelled. Two soldiers, who knew him, stopped and dragged him into the ditch.He once taught them how to beat the Overlord's Whip, and they didn't feel bad for him. "Comrade Liu, just wait here, we'll call for a stretcher when we get back." The gunfire changed from rare to silent, and it was obvious that the army here had completely retreated.Liu Quan lay face down in the ditch. In the silence, the sharp pain from his wound became more rampant, causing his eyes to turn black in bursts of pain.The smell of blood made him sick too. A ray of sunlight stayed on the uneven earth wall.He raised his eyes to look ahead, and was suddenly shocked.There was a smiling face not two feet away from him, with his left cheek pressed against the ground, his eyes seemed to be looking at him, but he seemed not to see him. Liu Quan first thought of the stories about snake demons with a human head and a snake body that he heard when he was a child.The face was intact, and it was a handsome young man, but there was nothing behind the ears.Only bones remained of the body lying on the ground, and the blood stains on the bones were blurred.There is no shoulder arm, no left flank, but the leg bones are complete.Probably killed by an explosion.A gust of wind at the time of the explosion swept him into the ditch.The delicate face was raised slightly, vigilantly, with a hint of a smile on his lips, as if he was about to speak. The sweet smell of blood became even stronger.Liu Quan was dizzy for a while and lost consciousness. It was already night when he woke up, it was pitch black and dead silent, not even a dog barking.In the near-zero cold, his wound hurt like a knife. The stretcher never came. The sky over the ditch was like a dark river, with two stars flickering faintly, flickering on and off in the clouds, like the reflection of lights. He thought of the smiling face two feet away, which seemed to be hissing at him.He also thought that the wild dogs would be attracted to the dead on the battlefield.There must be wolves in North Korea too.Don't know of any other beasts. Perhaps thanks to his few wounds, the pain nagged at him forever, without stopping for a moment, and gave him little opportunity to think of anything else. It was finally dawn.There was no sound on the battlefield, and there was absolutely no danger for the stretcher bearers to come here, but they still didn't come.They forgot about him. If you forget, you will never forget.He believed that the two soldiers would bring the words to him.They simply abandoned him. In this wilderness, because there is no shade, the sun is very hot at noon.His mouth was so dry that it seemed like fire could come out of his mouth. The smiling face began to stink. It has been several times from dawn to dusk, and from dusk to dawn.The world has completely forgotten him, and the only thing that has not forgotten him is his wounds, which will never cease to abuse him and torture him.Now added the torture of thirst. By the morning of the fifth day, it seemed that only a swollen tongue was left in his whole being, like a huge cork, held in his mouth. The weather was very fine, and a blue sky was exposed on the ditch, just like a deep stream, the water flowed very fast, and there were layers of white clouds floating on the water surface like waves.He looked up and could almost feel the cold foam splashing on his face. He suddenly seemed to hear neat steps.It is indeed clearer to hear footsteps underground.Gradually, he could discern the direction of the footsteps.It's coming from the rear.is their own people.There are so many people, it must always be to capture this mountain again. He was so nervous that he fell into a semi-conscious state again. Many people have already jumped into the ditch in a panic.He would have liked to close his eyes and just let the warmth wash over him, but he had to force himself to speak.There was a terror in his heart that they would throw him out with the smiling corpse. "Comrade, which company are you from?" he said weakly. "The Seventh Company of the One Hundred and Thirty-Three Battalion," said a young man, bending over him.The man had deep and black eyes, a long face, and was wearing a yellow cotton coat. "I'm from Balian. If there's any water, give me some. I haven't had any water for five days." "We drank it on the way, and there was not a drop left." They were all amazed that he had been left alone in the ditch for five days.The young man was a monitor named Ye Jingkui.He looked at the wound on Liu Quan's body, didn't say anything, took out a roll of dirty gauze, and bandaged him up. "It's very itchy, are there maggots?" Liu Quan said. "It's fine, but we can't delay any longer." It must be very festering, Ye Jingkui quickly took out a cigarette, drew a match on the dirt wall, lit it, and smoked to get rid of the rotten smell. "You're thirsty, drink your own urine—it can't be helped," he said, "Is there a bed?" With a cigarette in his mouth, he helped Liu Quan untie the rice bowl tied to his belt, helped him up again, and carefully urinated in the bowl. Liu Quan drank a bowl, which slightly relieved the burning pain in her tongue and throat.After a while, he drank another bowl. Soldiers were still there sweeping the trench, gloomily, clearing the piles of feces and bones. "They're all recruits." Ye Jingkui looked at them with a look of loneliness in his eyes. "This time it's a 100% supplement, Qilian's entire sacrifice," he said in a low voice. "We probably don't have much left in our eighth company," Liu Quan said. "Their firepower is really powerful. We are fighting with flesh and blood." Ye Jingkui took out a small paper bag from his pocket, which contained several military biscuits.He weighed it up, took out three pieces and handed them to Liu Quan. "You haven't eaten anything these days, have you? This is better than chow mein, it's more nutritious." The chow mein he was talking about is a kind of baked flour, which they often bring as dry food. "You keep it for yourself." "Oh, let's eat." Ye Jingkui sighed. "Everyone is the same." His sigh was like an old man's cough on a winter morning, with only a cold feeling and no emotion. "You keep two extra dollars." "Eat it." Ye Jingkui forced the biscuit into Liu Quan's hand. Liu Quan chewed the iron-hard brown biscuits slowly, but he couldn't tell the taste, but when it reached his stomach, it warmed his stomach like soju. "Any news, Comrade Ye?" He asked, "How's the fight going?" Ye Jingkui sat on the ground, flipped up the wings of his warm hat, and said with a weary smile, "We are still attacking this mountain here. This time we have an order to fight to the last man." Liu Quan finished his biscuit silently. "Where are you from?" Ye Jingkui said. "Hebei." "I'm from Henan." "Are you a party member?" Liu Quan asked. He didn't answer right away. "No," his voice became cold and stiff, as if he had been touched by some kind of pain.Then he said, "What about you?" Liu Quan shook his head. Ye Jingkui put his hand on his shoulder, as if to say something.After a short silence, he said, "I advise you to climb back and go to the rear. Before you start firing." "Okay, I can try." "Still thirsty? Drink another bowl of urine." "I can't drown." "Try." Tried it for a while, nothing at all. "If you really treat me as your own brother, if you really want to save my life, you give me a bowl of urine to drink, and I'll leave immediately after drinking it." Liu Quan burst into tears for some reason . Ye Jingkui didn't say anything, just followed suit. He took off the belt on his body and helped Liu Quan tie the cotton coat on his body with two belts to prevent his skin from being scratched when crawling. "Go away," he said, "and take care of yourself." Two soldiers helped lift Liu Quan up and sent him outside the trench.Liu Quan didn't say goodbye either, and struggled to crawl out of the position. The entire area was dug through like a huge tractor, and the soil was completely turned over.Not a single blade of grass.Burnt black all over the place. As far as the eye can see is the black wilderness.He thought of Ye Jingkui.In such boundless desolation, there will still be warmth in the world, which is really unexpected.He thought he would never see him again in his life.But who knows, where in life do we not meet each other.Maybe they will all come back alive, maybe they will meet again.But when he thought of Cui Ping and Zhao Chu, he thought it would be better not to meet each other again.If there is another Three Antis and Rectification Movement, they may also falsely accuse and frame each other and kill each other. Moving one step forward was painful, but he tried his best to endure the pain and crawl forward.There was no sign on the wasteland, and he suspected that he must have lost his way.Sometimes when he heard the sound of cannons faintly, he stopped and listened carefully to identify which side the front line was on. Wherever he went, he was burned by the flames of pain.The fields were so vast, but there seemed to be a winding fire path waiting for him ahead. A wisp of wildfire burning on the Guangyuan spread quietly on the ground. Sometimes it seemed to be extinguished, but a red flame emerged and meandered forward. But it finally went out. Two South Korean soldiers on guard passed by and saw a person lying on the ground, just a bundle of rotten cotton soaked in blood. But he was still breathing.When the two soldiers carried him away, he gradually came to his senses.They were crossing the river, the small river was blue, and the pieces of thin ice floating on the water were rushing and clanging.He knew the water must be gnawingly cold.The two soldiers waded through the water by themselves, but held him up high to prevent the water from splashing on him.Liu Quan was not surprised at the time.He just wants to drink water.His throat was completely hoarse, and he was powerless to make a feeble gesture.The creek below him was as far away as the blue sky over the moat.He spun around for a while and lost consciousness again. At the headquarters of the South Korean army, nurses sterilized and bandaged his wound.They gave him half a bowl of rice and half a glass of water, and warned him not to drink more water.The interpreter asked his name, and asked why he appeared behind the coalition positions. Then they took him to Seoul in a jeep, where there was a coalition hospital.The people in the hospital took all his clothes off and washed him, and the wounds stink terribly.Liu Quan himself thought that there was no hope of survival, and when he saw that the injuries were much lighter than his, they were considered incurable and refused to be treated. He took X-rays, went through the pain of a medical examination, and passed out again.When he woke up, he was lying on the bed, and there were many beds lined up in the ward, all of which were wounded soldiers from various countries.He had already changed into a set of clean clothes, the same as those worn by UN soldiers.On the bed next to him is also a CCP prisoner of war, who is from Guangxi, and they don't understand each other well.The man seemed to be more seriously injured than himself and couldn't eat anything, but they kept giving him blood plasma and giving him many injections a day. Both of them received many injections of Nixiline.They were treated exactly the same as the wounded of the coalition forces in the hospital.They only take more vitamin pills and tranquilizers than others, because their injuries are more serious than others. Doctors and nurses are all foreigners, and there are people from all over the world.They often like to say a few jokes to their wounded soldiers, but they always have an indifferent and serious attitude towards prisoners of war. "You can't drink water," said a nurse, and she brought him a stick of gum. "Chew this in your mouth, and you won't want to drink water. Don't swallow it." She was probably American, with a brick-red bony face and eyes like pale basket disks behind spectacles.She pretended to be chewing hard, afraid that he would not understand. The doctor forceps out several pieces of shrapnel for him.He was too weak to withstand a brain operation.A wounded train transported him to a prisoner-of-war hospital in Busan. There was a wound on his back and he refused to close his mouth stubbornly.In Busan, United Nations doctors cut a piece of flesh from his leg and transplanted it to his back.The operation went well, and two or three months later, the doctor thought that he had recovered a little and could perform surgery on his brain, so he operated on him and took out a shell fragment. He had been lying in this room for so long that everything was very familiar to him.The walls and ceiling are made of wood and painted creamy yellow.Sometimes he was so bored that he counted the nails under the ceiling.Some nails were not fully driven in, and protruded from the outside, and the paint on some nails was peeled off, and the heads of the nails could be seen.Whole numbers can be calculated from the way they are arranged, but when you count them you get confused and have to start all over again. He couldn't turn over, but the row of windows behind him and the scenery outside the windows were all in front of his eyes, as vivid as a picture.The barbed wire fence, the wooden watchtower, and the machine guns.Trucks rumbled in and out of the field from morning to night. On sunny days, the sun shines into the room, and it comes in on time every day, just like doctors and nurses.But Liu Quan noticed that the sunlight gradually came earlier and shone deeper.He thinks this is very important, which means that the time is passing, and it has turned from winter to spring.Although he can't know whether the narrow road in front of him will be finished for a day, but in any case, as long as he knows that time is indeed passing, he feels a kind of comfort. His past is sad and distant, his present is empty, and his future is so uncertain and unreliable.On days like this, there were only a few things in his mind that were as precious to him as gems.He always thought of Ye Jingkui's friendship with him, and those two South Korean soldiers holding him high to cross the river and walk through the ice floes. In this ward, there are two newly operated patients. Besides him, there is another person who has amputated a leg and just woke up from anesthesia.The moment of first discovery is always the scariest. He cried and yelled, and made a fuss all night yesterday, which made everyone unable to sleep.He also refuses to eat during the day. "Give me back my leg!" He yelled wildly, "I'd rather die, and even die as a whole! I'd rather die if I become a cripple!" Another prisoner of war served as a laborer in the hospital.He pushed a small cart in to deliver meals, and when collecting the dishes, he sighed and said: "Hey, comrade, what do you say if it falls into their hands, if you have the ability to make you die or live! It's worse than sitting on a tiger stool." Amazing, a good leg was chopped off!" The man whose leg was amputated recalled the propaganda he had heard in the army, saying that if he was captured by the coalition forces, he would be tortured and slaughtered.He whimpered and began to cry. "Damn it, these imperialist executioners cut off a leg today and amputated an arm tomorrow, and don't see their joy!" The laborer said, "What's the use of crying, comrade, we must unite and resist, Overthrowing imperialism cannot be ruled by others.” "Down with imperialism!" the man raised his arm in grief and exclaimed, "Long live the Communist Party!" "Comrade, please calm down." Liu Quan really didn't have the strength to speak, but he couldn't help but interjected and said, "If it wasn't for saving your life, why did they go to such lengths to operate on you? If they sincerely let you suffer, Why did they give you medicine?──It’s also because they didn’t explain it to you in advance, but you think, how many times a day the doctors here have to perform surgery, and they don’t understand the language, and it’s impossible to explain one by one──」 "Damn it, you lackey of imperialism," the laborer scolded with his eyes wide open. "Aren't you Chinese? You speak for imperialism!" "I am Chinese," Liu Quan said quietly, "but I am not the Communist Party." "Down with the lackeys of imperialism!" The man whose leg was amputated yelled, "Down with the capitulators!" The laborer took a step closer, as if he was going to give Liu Quan a slap in the ear, but he stopped himself and only whispered Said: "Don't think that you can talk nonsense when you come here, be careful!" Without his intimidation, Liu Quan already felt that the eyes of the Communist Party were always watching him secretly.Anyone who has lived in the common area will probably never be able to get rid of the feeling of being watched. The laborer was probably a party member, and he planned to carry out his task of instigating the captives.But Liu Quan thought, maybe he just felt fear, and felt that the eyes of the Communist Party were watching his every move, so even though he was in the current situation, he still dreamed of making meritorious service. At five o'clock in the afternoon, the laborer brought dinner.The meals here are quite complicated. Among the prisoners of war, those with tuberculosis accounted for a large proportion. Doctors prescribed a special meal for patients with tuberculosis, and those with parasites in their intestines ate another meal.The laborers were assigned a portion to them, and Liu Quan was afraid that he would take revenge, or put some dead rats and cockroaches in the meal, but he didn't destroy it.After the meal, we still brought cold boiled water to everyone. There was a curved glass tube inserted into Liu Quan's cup, so he could drink water without raising his head. In the evening, the nurse came to give Liu Quan an injection, because he had a new operation and needed to stabilize his nerves.As usual, they still had to take sleeping pills, but the laborer brought them, but each took one. He said that they couldn't sleep because they were disturbed by the man whose leg was amputated.However, Liu Quan didn't eat. He didn't want to sleep too deeply. He thought in his heart that he would rather suffer from insomnia due to the pain of the wound and sleep in the daytime tomorrow.He had developed the habit of always being on his guard. Half an hour after the lights were turned off, there was another "bed check".Two soldiers in helmets and batons came in, shooting all around with flashlights.Liu Quan thought this rule was a bit funny. The two soldiers walked side by side holding sticks like this, as if they were afraid of being attacked.A person like him who has just opened the knife, his whole body is limp, and he has to use his utmost efforts to reach for a glass of water, will he still escape?The man on the bed next to him also had his leg amputated and hadn't learned how to use a cane yet.The nerves of the remaining piece of flesh pile were uncontrollable, and as soon as he felt tense, that half of the leg would stand upright in the quilt.Liu Quan heard him muttering, and pressed it down painfully. After the two soldiers left, no one came, and the night shift nurses didn't come to work until three o'clock at night.For a long period of time in the middle, it was completely uninhabited. Liu Quan didn't know what he was waiting for, but he seemed to be waiting.People who had taken sleeping pills made heavy noises. In the second half of the night, Liu Quan also became dazed, probably because the injection he gave had an effect.Not long after he closed his eyes, he suddenly felt suffocated. He struggled to get up immediately, but a pillow was pressed tightly on his face, and he couldn't get it off again.He stretched out one hand and grabbed a crutch that the man next door was leaning on the wall, but at this time the man was already unconscious, and his strength was almost exhausted, so he swung the crutch desperately, and it flew away. After going out, he vaguely heard that Huo Langlang broke something. The pillow was still pressed against his face.It seemed that someone was screaming in panic, but the man who had just amputated his leg screamed all night anyway, and no one paid any attention to him. The pressure on his face suddenly disappeared.He pushed the pillow away, but was forced to keep his eyes open by a strong light.The bluish-white light broke through the window.And the glass window was indeed smashed.It was he who threw the crutch and broke the window, and the searchlight on the watchtower was always searching for suspicious traces, and it happened to be discovered by it. Sirens were whistling outside.Several soldiers in steel helmets rushed in with clubs and heavy rubber pipes as weapons. They have already found the laborer in the corridor. Although he denied it, and the screaming person refused to stand up and testify for Liu Quan, the hospital authorities believed that Liu Quan's words were credible, because such incidents In fact, there were many pro-communist prisoners of war beating and even attempting to kill anti-communist prisoners of war.The next day another worker came.Shortly thereafter, the sick and wounded POWs who were unwilling to return to the mainland were also separated from the few who were willing to return to the mainland, and they were no longer treated together. The two men whose legs were amputated belonged to the category willing to be repatriated.Liu Quan later heard that people who lost a hand or leg, because no one explained to them after the operation, most of them misunderstood that it was torture in disguise.They all have to go back to the Communist Party. Liu Quan was soon discharged from the hospital and entered a prisoner of war camp.At this time, according to the principle of "voluntary repatriation of prisoners", the coalition forces have collected the prisoners who are willing to repatriate and those who are not willing to repatriate.The prisoners of war called this step the "April 8 Great Separation" because it was implemented on April 8.When Liu Quan was in the hospital, he had been screened and asked him many questions, but now when he was discharged from the hospital, he asked him again and again, "Do you understand? If you refuse to go back, what consequences will your family suffer?" "你要求到台湾去，我们目前并没有法子保证什么时候可以实现。」「韩战如果结束了，回大陆的可以立刻遣返，也说不定你们还得在战俘营里耽搁几个月，我们也不能保证以后的待遇有现在这样好。而你仍旧选择反共的立场吗？」 「无论怎么样，我不愿意回大陆去，」刘荃说。他被送到济州岛木索浦的战俘营。营中用双层铁丝网圈出一块块广阔的场地，因为是新辟出来的广场，上面寸草不生，只是一大片铲平的黄土，灰沙特别大，一阵风吹过，呛得人透不过气来。就连在荒凉的朝鲜，也很难找到这样荒漠的所在。 一个「联队长」，是战俘们自己选出来的，他告诉刘荃这广场上住着有八百人上下，每五十个人住一座小小的铅皮顶石屋。他带刘荃进去，屋子里长长的两排小木床，收拾得很干净。然后又带他去看场西新辟出来的菜园。 在斜阳中，四周的群山变得蒙眬而渺茫，像一个个淡金色的沙丘。 在这里忽然听见胡琴声，刘荃很感到意外。悠扬地拉着一段摇板。 「哪儿来的胡琴？」他笑着问。 「自己做的。用装啤酒的洋铁罐子做的。哪，你来看，这种啤酒罐什么都能做。」 他们走近一座石屋，檐下坐着一群战俘，有一个人把那橄榄色的洋铁罐剖开来摊平了，改制一只灯罩，又有一个人用啤酒罐做成一只小坦克车，大家都围在那里互相传观，连屋子里都有人从窗口伸出头来看。联队长给他们介绍了一下。那倚在窗口的人一抬头看见刘荃，突然脸上呆了一呆。刘荃也呆住了。他再也没想到会在这里遇见叶景奎。 沉重的喜悦使他们几乎说不出话来。在这里遇见，不但是重逢，而且立刻可以知道彼此的立场是一样的，因为这里只有反共的战俘。 「我们是老朋友了，」叶景奎说。他迟缓地向窗口跨了出来，握住刘荃的手。 「你换了这身打扮，差点不认识你了，」刘荃说。 他们都穿著太长太大的橄榄色美军制服，头上戴着美军的便帽。一提起衣服，大家都有点着恼地笑了起来。似乎这是他们这里的一个老笑话。 「你没看见陶全海冬天穿上大衣，走路真得摔交。」叶景奎指着一个身材矮小的同伴。「早上做早操，两只胳膊往上一伸，脑袋就不见了。──喂，陶全海，怎么不叫你妈给你多缝上点，明年等你长高了再放出来？」他不断地大声说着笑话，似乎抑制不住心里的喜悦。 陶全海是被他们取笑惯了的，鼓着脸没说什么。 「你瞧这鞋这么大，也真弩扭，」另一个人说：「一个个战俘都是走路踢哩塌噜的，倒是好，不用想逃跑。」 「都成了小脚老太婆了，鞋里塞上些烂棉花，」叶景奎说。 「你们都是皮鞋，我是靴子，」刘荃说。 「也有一批人领到靴子。他们把脚背上这块铁拆下来，」叶景奎弯下腰来指点着：「做成一把小刀子，又快又经用，真不错。做锉子也行。」 大家背上都有白漆写的ＰＯＷ三个大字。一个眼不见，陶全海用粉笔把叶景奎脊梁正中的那O字添上头尾与四只脚，成了一只乌龟。大家发现了，又哄笑起来。 刘荃觉得他们简直像一群天真的无忧无虑的中学生。但是当然并不是无忧无虑的。谁也不喜欢在铁丝网背后过日子。而且前途的暗礁正多，板门店会议仍旧为换俘问题在争执着拖下去，拖下去。大家都恐惧着联军当局最后在外交压力下还是会牺牲他们，把他们交还给共方。 吹哨子召集大家吃晚饭。在餐室里，大家拿着自己的碗排着队走上去，一个当值的战俘从一只庞大的洋铁罐里一大匙一大匙舀出饭来，米饭与蔬菜碎肉煮在一起。 「他妈的，真像猫饭，」陶全海咕噜着。 「听说这还是由医生每天算好了『热量』，开的菜单子，」叶景奎告诉刘荃。 「这饭倒是营养丰富，就是不大配我们中国人的口味，」刘荃笑着说。 「可不是，大家每月磅一磅，倒是体重都增加了，可是还是抱怨吃得不好。」 晚饭后他们看着别人下棋，看了一会。叶景奎送刘荃回屋里去，两人在那石屋的门外站着抽着香烟谈话。叶景奎也是在争夺那座山头那一役受伤被俘的。他从他们别后的情形谈起，把他过去的事统统告诉了刘荃。 在他的故乡河南，一直从抗日战争的时候起就有共军来来去去，常常盘踞一个时期，又在国民党军队的压力下退却了。在一九四六年，他十九岁，正在读中学，共产党占领了他那村庄，立刻开始征兵。唯一的逃避方法是到一个共党办的学校去读书。叶景奎的父母就让他转学转到泰兴第八中学，是共产党新开办的。同年七月，共军撤出这个区域，把学生全都带了去，在山西的共区经过一年多的紧张的训练，这一批学生毕业后就全部「下部队」服务。 他离家的时候，共产党对富农的态度还很好，毫无敌意，但是到了一九四九年，他父母的田地全部充了公，老夫妇俩流落为丐，相继死去。 叶景奎工作非常努力，一九四八年入了党，一九四九年被任为第十五军文工团团长，负责经管士兵思想改造。他随军南下，除了管文牍，还要主持无数的检讨会议，在万分紧张疲倦情形下，一时疏忽，丢了一笔钱，是连部的伙食费，约合港币二十八元。这是一个严重的过失，他被处罚，送到第十五军的一个特殊的学校去，经过几个月的改造、学习，才又派到云南去，在第四军司令部服务，担任新改编的卢汉的军队的思想改造。 在云南，他看见云南出产的锡，大量经由亚洲内部运往苏联。 他又被派回第十五军服务。那时候第十五军驻在四川。韩战已经开始了，在秘密的党员会议里，赴朝作战保卫东北成为讨论的课题，但是大家都以为这行动将是出于志愿方式，没想到在一九五一年三月，第十五军就直截地被派赴朝鲜。大部分的士兵连「志愿军」三个字是什么意义都不知道。 路上经过老共区。本来一直听见许多宣传，说老区怎样富庶，像乌托邦一样。但是叶景奎看见许多老百姓吃糠。 乘火车到东三省去，他看见一车一车装满粮食，铁路上的工作人员告诉他，这都是经过东三省运到苏联去的。 军队在中朝边境上的安东驻扎了几个星期，因为士兵情绪低落，没有斗志，需要积极训练他们的思想。叶景奎寄住在当地民家，屋主人是一个孤老太婆，他问她家里人都上哪儿去了，她说她儿子七年前跟着共军走了，从此就没有音信。她说起他的年岁性情和小时候的一些琐事，她静静地啜泣起来，再三重复着说：「你们谁都不想家！你们谁都不想家！」 刚巧这时候有个村干部来访问，看见她在流泪，第二天就把所有驻兵的人家都叫去开会。会上说了些什么，叶景奎也不知道，只知道那老太婆从此不敢和他说话了。 这件事给了他很深的印象，但是他那时候心里还是很矛盾，仍旧不肯让它破坏他对于党的信心。他只归罪于「过左」的干部。 在朝鲜，叶景奎一直在后方担任第一百三十三营政工部的人事工作。第十五军连打了五个大败仗，在一九五二年春天调回后方。他自己那一营人死了三分之二。疲乏而消沉的残余部队回后方休息，又要加紧思想训练。叶景奎正是工作得最紧张的时候，忽然三反运动「反」到他们部队里来了。 军中有些大学生出身的党员干部，初露头角，对于文化程度较低的先进干部排挤得很厉害。他们抓住这机会打击叶景奎。旧案重翻，他在一九四九遗失了合港币二十八元的一笔款子。并且他处理连部的党务工作者家属救济金，也太浪费。这是因为他工作太忙，而且因为体谅有些家属急待救济，所以径自批准了，没有请示营部党小组。 部队开全体大会，在会上控诉叶景奎贪污浪费的罪行。政工部主任站出来说他从前遗失的那笔钱是嫖妓用掉的。 叶景奎受了很大的刺激。他全心全意献身给党，他节俭到洗澡洗衣服都不用肥皂，倒诬赖他浪费。而且他是纯洁的，他的道德观念几乎近于清教徒的严厉。说他嫖妓，他就连现在提起这件事还十分愤慨，屡次说：「我们家从来没有这样的事。──他们会说这种话！」 他面对着几千个士兵为自己剖白。如果他肯认错，倒也许不过罚他再经过几个月的思想改造。他不认错，难道倒要党向他认错？于是政工部主任更是加强火力攻击他。叶景奎知道他是没有希望了。他第一吹尝到了党内的黑暗。 他完全为党生活着，而它倒过来恶毒地咬他一口。他那俭啬可怜的生命突然失去了意义。他连一个妻子与小孩都不能有，因为他的工作不容许他结婚。 叶景奎找出手枪来自杀。但是他还没来得及扳枪机，讲台上坐着的同志们就把枪夺了过去。这企图自杀的举动更是犯罪的铁证。叶景奎被开除党籍，革去一切职位，判了三个月徒刑，期满再派赴前线。 在这三个月里，他挖沟渠，挑担子运军火，同时改造思想。但是他实在「改造」够了。 「我老对自已说：『共产党并不要我这样的人。共产党连我这样的人都不要。』」 他恨恨地说着，流露出那样一种年轻人的天真的骄傲，刘荃看着他，不由得心酸起来。 他被释放之后，立刻派往前方，以一个新入伍的士兵的身分挑担子运军火。他受不了这个，并不是这工作太辛苦，而是他实在不愿意为共产党工作了。他要求上前线作战，他希望战死。 他们答应了他的要求。在争夺山头的拉锯战里，共方损失惨重。叶景奎竟当上了一名班长，纯粹是因为其它能当班长的全死光了。 在他遇见刘荃的后一天，联军占领了一个小山，正俯瞰中共阵地。在炮火下他们全军覆没了。 叶景奎受了重伤怕被敌军发现，爬到一个炮弹穴里躲着。一连躲了三天，下起雪来了，他舐着雪止渴。但是失血过多，他想他不痛死也要冻死了，不冻死也要饿死。 太阳出来了，他看见南韩兵士在上面山坡上站岗。 党虽然把他像一口痰似地吐在鞋底下踏来踏去，他绝对没有想到背叛它。他没有想到有选择的可能。他深信落到联军手里一定要受酷刑然后被杀。所以他躺在那洞穴里，又挨了六天。最后他被饥寒与痛楚磨折得发狂了。他决定向守兵喊叫，心里想：「如果他们是不人道的，索性一刺刀戳死我，也免得我再受苦。」 南韩的士兵听见他微弱的呼喊，跑下山坡来看。他们救了他，把他送到医疗站去，然后转送医院。此后他的经历也和刘荃差不多，但是对于他的影响只有更大，因为在他完全是第一次与外界接触。他渐渐知道铁幕外的世界是怎样的，知道他以前受了多么大的欺骗。 他只要一提出共产党三个字，就愤恨得全身都紧张起来。他说话仍旧沿用着共党的词汇，但是说起苏联人来总是用「大鼻子」的名称。 他断断续续说了许久。战俘营外的守兵正吹着军号。今天晚上月亮很圆，那黄土的广场在月光中成为一种苍淡的黄白色。四面的荒山筋纹毕露，都浴在那清光里。苍蓝的天空上白隐隐的像罩着一层霜。那月光下呜呜的喇叭声，很有一种塞外悲茄的意味。 刘荃也说起自己的经历，也提起三反的时候下狱的经过，不过没有提到任何女人。 「你有爱人没有？」叶景奎问。 刘荃略微顿了一顿，才说「没有。」但是这样回答了之后，却觉得往事如潮，顿时都涌上心头。他向西南方望去，隔着那一层层的山岭，真是「故国不堪回首月明中」了。 那一年七月，韩战结束了，联军忠实履行他们对战俘的诺言，坚持到底，终于在停战协议中规定「志愿遣俘」。但是原则上是如此，手续方面却没有说清楚，在九十日的「解释」期间，一切都交给「中立国遣返委员会」处理。这叫战俘们怎么能放心呢？五个中立国，倒有两个是苏联的卫星国，波兰与捷克。其余三个，瑞士、瑞典、印度，又都是承认中共的国家。 联军把战俘交给印军监管，他们全部迁移到不设防区新划定的一个「印度村」，这村落仅只是在山冈上搭着许多帐篷，外面围着铁丝网。迁入不久，中立国遣返委员会就写了一封信给全体战俘：「我们是来保护你们的，不让你们受任何胁迫……向你们保证你们要求遣返的自由，那是你们的权利。」又说战俘「绝对必需」听取解释。解释员「会告诉你们，你们回国后可以度和平生活，而且完全自由。」 这封信的口吻完全一面倒，而且附和中共的论调，暗指战俘不愿回去是受人胁迫，而并不是他们自己选择自由。一般战俘读了这封信，大家讨论着，更加害怕中立国并不中立，会出卖他们。 印度村的播音器终日大声播送着印度军乐与恋歌，印方称它为「中立音乐」。那呜哩呜哩的曲调万转千回，充满了一种幽暗魅艳的异国风情，但是在心境恶劣的中国人耳朵里听来，只觉得烦躁。战俘们用力敲打着铁锅与洋铁罐，大声叫喊着「打倒毛泽东！打倒共产党！」彷佛作为对抗。他们替彼此身上刺花，刺上反共口号或是青天白日旗，因为他们感到一种心理上的需要，要把他们的决心成为不可挽回的，否则总觉得未来太不确定。 九十日的限期似乎又有延期的征象，印度一再提出这样的要求。战俘中有一个用剃刀自杀的，引起了暴动，印军武装弹压，打死了三个战俘，群情愤激。他们把厕所的碎磁盘都扳下来作为防身的武器。他们不断地唱歌、开会、给彼此打气。 刘荃和叶景奎还算是比较镇定的，至少在表面上。 「联合国纯粹为了人道观点，坚持志愿遣俘，已经多打了一年零六个月的仗，牺牲了多少人力物力，不见得这时候又会背弃我们，」刘荃说。 他看叶景奎很相信他的话，自己不知道怎么也就安心了许多。 等到「解释」一开始，他们所有的疑虑都冰消瓦解了。战俘们第一次感到自己的力量。在「解释帐篷」里，他们斩钉截铁拒绝回大陆。在严密警备下他们无法跑上去殴打共党解释员，只能向他们吐唾沫、醒鼻涕、蹬脚、挤破了疮泡把脓水往他们身上甩，使他们无法说完他们准备好的诱骗的辞句。战俘们站在全世界注目的场所，侮辱了他们的仇敌，初次表现了中国人民真正的意志。 在最初两天的解释里，一千个华籍反共战俘内只有二十个被说服了，不过百分之二的比例。共方面子上太下不去，第三天立刻停止解释，改以北韩战俘为对象，坚持要向他们进行解释工作，因为北韩战俘坚决地拒受解释，所以共方就利用这个作为借口，企图归罪于对方。 整整一个星期，印度奔走调停，请求中共继续向华籍战俘进行解释，但是这局面仍旧僵持下去。 华籍战俘在他们的营地里胜利地笑了，鼓噪着：「解释员呢？我们要求见解释员！要求见解释员！」 中共经过半个月的检讨、研究和布置，在十月卅一日终于又鼓起勇气，再度向华俘进行解释工作。 那天上午，印军用卡车运了许多战俘来。刘荃和叶景奎同坐在一辆卡车上，远远地还听见同伴们在印度村当当当敲打着锅子罐头，为他们助威。 卡车来到山谷里的解释场地，他们经过抄身的手续，然后被送到一个帐篷里等着，大家围着一只大肚子的煤炉，环坐在地下。北国的深秋，已经寒风猎猎了，监守的印军把帐篷钮了起来。 三十二个「解释帐篷」同时进行工作，但是他们这里的人都是属于一组的。第一个人进去了四小时，还没有来叫第二个人。 「成了疲劳审问了，」刘荃低声说。 「他们改变战略了，」叶景奎说。这次的疲劳审问竟长达五小时四十分钟。印军终于带了一个译员来传唤下一名受讯者。 「叶景奎，」译员拿着张名单高声念了出来。 叶景奎跟着他走向解释帐篷。三个印军簇拥着他，两个架着他手臂，一个揪住他的腰带。 帐篷里面，上首排列着八张桌子，他知道坐在正中的是三个中共解释员，五个中立国代表分坐两旁。后面黑压压地站着各国的译员。 「请坐，」一个共党解释员客气地说。 叶景奎面向着他们坐在一张椅子上，几个印军仍旧紧紧地拉着他，防他动武。 那年轻的印度主席叽哩咕噜说了一段，随即由他身后站着的译员翻了出来：「我们是五个中立国的代表。这几位解释员要和你谈话，提出几个问题来问你。你如果觉得是胁迫你，可以拒绝回答……」 中共的解释员一开口就郑重地说：「我们代表中国人民欢迎你回到祖国的怀抱。」 「我要回台湾去。我不要听你这些话。」叶景奎简截地说。他知道他的声调太急促。 「请你听着，」那解释员微笑着说：「我们知道你受了很大的痛苦，我们也知道你父母都在等着你，欢迎你回去──」 「我父母早死了，是共产党害死他们的。」叶景奎涨红了脸大声说。 「你听我说。」那解释员仍旧温和地微笑着。「我们知道你在这儿是受压迫的，你的行动都不是自愿的，我们准备原宥你一切反人民的罪行。你决定回家去，只要从这扇门走出去就得了。」他指了指那排桌子背后的一个门。 门上并没有任何文字的标志。那茶青帆布帐篷里光光的没有贴着任何招纸或是标语。叶景奎突然有点眩晕起来，他像所有的战俘一样，在万分紧张的情绪下往往疑心自己会听错了话，认错了门，或是被人愚弄，把话说反了，使他走错一扇门。生死路之间彷佛只隔着一线。 「哪个门是上台湾去的？我要回台湾！」他叫喊着。 「你到台湾去没有前途的，台湾也没有真正的自由──」 「自由！我到朝鲜来是我自己要来的吗？我有自由吗？」极度的愤怒倒使他渐渐冷静了下来。 「我绝对保证，你回去可以过和平的生活，现在国内的建设有惊人的进步，有很好的职业在等着你──」 「只听见你们说建设，建设，我们在国内过的什么日子？看见你们大批大批的东西往苏联运，你们这些王八蛋狗入的，都是大鼻子的奴隶！」 那解释员严肃地站了起来。「你不要说这种话。你回来看看，就知道我们这两年有了多大的进步。而且现在停战了，往后日子过得更好了」 「停战；你们的仗永远打不完的，还要解放东南亚，解放全世界！我们没你们这么大的野心，我们就想解放中国！」 「我对这人解释完了，」那解释员别过头来，安静地向印度主席说：「请你把下一个人领进来。」 叶景奎从他进来的那扇门走了出去。印军把他送到场地另一角的一座茅屋里等着。他拭着汗，可是心里很痛快，简直等不及，恨不得马上就把那一段谈话复述给刘荃听。刚才那小子要不是怕了他，决不会这样快结束了他们的谈话。 刘荃这时候已经坐在解释帐篷里了：「……你的父母都在等着欢迎你回去。你回来看，国内的经济建设有了惊人的进步。祖国需要你，现在已经有个很好的职业在等着你。」 刘荃一语不发，扯了扯他的衣领，彷佛窒息似的。 「你这样年轻的人，应当把眼光放远一点，想想自己的未来。你的未来是属于中国的，你应该回来为祖国服务。」 「我要回去，」刘荃突然说。他激动得厉害，他希望他的声音不太颤抖。 「好极了，欢迎你回到祖国的怀抱！」那解释员满意地说：「你从这扇门出去。」 Liu Quan stood up.他的第一个感想就是叶景奎今天晚上回到营地里，不看见他回来，一定以为他意志薄弱，信了共产党的花言巧语，被骗回去了。他知道叶景奎会觉得愤怒、鄙夷、失望。 其实他作了这样的决定，已经不是一天的事了，但是一直没能告诉叶景奎。他为自己选择的这种工作，第一个前提就是什么人都是不能完全信任，少告诉一个人好一个，最亲密的人也不是例外。 叶景奎是他最后的一个朋友了。失去这样一个朋友，实在心里很难受，但是他已经失去了太多的东西，把心一横，最后的一点友情也就这样丢弃了。 他要回大陆去，离开这里的战俘，回到另一个俘虏群里。只要有他这样一个人在他们之间，共产党就永远不能放心。 他并不指望再看见黄绢，但是他的生命是她的幸福换来的，他总觉得他应当对她负责，善用他的生命。他想不出更好的用途了。 他知道反共战俘回去是要遇到惨酷的报复的，但是他现在学乖了，他相信他能够胜利地通过这一切，回到群众中。一个人的力量有限，但是他不会永远是一个人。一万四千的战俘的坚决与勇敢给了他极大的信心。 当然这种工作危险的成分非常大，被杀害只是迟早间的事。死亡将永远跟在他后面，像他自己的影子。他相信无论什么事都能渐渐习惯，