Chapter 17 Chapter Seventeen
Cuizhi shouted: "Shijun!" Shijun raised his head, and saw Cuizhi standing at the door of the room wearing a dressing gown, looking at him with astonishment.She said: "What are you doing here? Don't you go to bed at this time?" Shijun said: "I'm coming." He stood up, put the letter in the book, closed the book, and put it still Restoration.Cuizhi said: "You know what time it is—it's almost two o'clock!" Shijun said: "Anyway, it's Sunday tomorrow, so there's no need to get up early." Cuizhi said: "Isn't it said that tomorrow I want to go out to play with Shuhui? All day long, you can't wake up too late." Shijun said nothing.Cuizhi was a little guilty at first, and wondered if he could tell that she was too enthusiastic about Shuhui, so his attitude today became so strange.
Back in the bedroom, she went to bed first, and Shijun undressed and went to bed, and turned off the light.
Once he thought of Manzhen, he felt that he never stopped missing her.Even when he thought he had forgotten her, she was still there, behind all his thoughts.
Hearing the extremely slow "tick - tick - tick - tick" in the dark, Cuizhi said: "But it's raining?" Shijun said: "Why haven't you fallen asleep?" I feel a little uncomfortable here, I don't know if the crab has been eaten. Did you eat it just now? The crab in Yuan's family doesn't seem to be very fresh today."
After a long time, I still heard the "dip-tap--" drop after a long time, it seems that there is a certain time, like a delayed leak.Shijun suddenly said: "It's not raining. It must be because the water tap is not turned off tightly." Cuizhi said: "I feel annoyed!"
She was silent for a while, and finally couldn't bear it anymore and said: "No—you can get up and close it tightly, okay?" Shijun got up from the bed without saying a word, ran to the bathroom, turned on the light to inspect After a while, he said: "Where is the faucet not turned off tightly? It's the clothes dripping there!" He turned off the light and went back to the bedroom. Cuizhi heard him walking over, and hurriedly shouted: "Be careful, Don't kick my slippers off the bed again!"
Shijun didn't sleep for long, but got up again with his clothes on.Cuizhi said, "Why are you up again?" Shijun said, "My stomach hurts. I've eaten too much." He got up several times in a row.At dawn, Cuizhi was awakened by his groans again.She couldn't help panicking, and said, "I'll ask Mama Li to make you a hot water bottle." She woke up Mama Li, but she couldn't fall asleep.
That morning, when she went downstairs to have breakfast, Shuhui heard her say that Shijun was ill, so he went upstairs to see him.Shijun told him that the crab was probably eaten bad.He added: "Manzhen called you last night." Shuhui said, "Oh? What did she say?" Shijun said, "She left a phone number and asked you to call her." Uncle Hui smiled and paced back and forth by his bed, and finally said, "Have you not seen her all these years?" Shijun smiled and said, "No, I thought she had left Shanghai." Shu Hui said, "She seems to be Not yet married, I went to see her that day, but she was not at home, and the people she lived with called her Miss Gu." Shi Jun said: "Oh?"—in fact, he had no reason to be happy—in fact, there was no reason for her to be happy. It can't be said that it was such a pleasant surprise—maybe it's just more sad in my heart.Yesterday he said on the phone that he was going to see her with Shu Hui, and at that time he thought they were both married.Now I know she is not married.Maybe she still treats him the same as before.As for him, he has been so excited these two days that he is hardly sure what he will do.But what could happen—he had a wife, children, and a sense of responsibility.So the result is still - there will be no result.Now that you know this is the case, why bother?Wouldn't it be more sorry for her to involve her in family disputes for no reason at this time?
So don't go to see her.
Seeing that he seemed to be touched by the mention of Manzhen, Shuhui moved away to talk about something else.Shuhui brought an engineering magazine upstairs from his study, raised the book, and said with a smile, "I saw your magazine, and I'm very interested." Shijun smiled and said, "Oh, what do you want? Look at this, I still have some better ones, they have been sent to the pavilion.” He has been subscribing to this kind of magazine, because engineering is constantly improving, and if an engineering student does not continue to study at any time , is about to fall behind, especially him, because he gave up halfway during the internship, and he has been regretting there.Shuhui laughed and said, "You are amazing, and you still work so hard. Now China is in need of talents, you really should cheer up and do something hard!" Shijun smiled and said, "Yes, I think so too. It's really worthless to work in a foreign company! And there is really no future, I'm in a hurry here. If you don't tell me, I also want to ask you to pay attention to find me a job." Shuhui thought for a while, and said: "Things There are a lot, but you have no problem leaving Shanghai, right?" Shijun seemed very hesitant, and said: "It is very difficult even if it is like this. And you think, I didn't even finish my internship at that time, so of course I couldn't do it in terms of remuneration. Care about, and my family is so tired——" Shuhui said with a smile: "I don't agree with what you said, how many people are there in your family?" Shijun smiled and said: "It's not about the number of people, speaking of it I’m also ashamed, our two young masters and young ladies are so used to being pampered and pampered, it’s simply impossible to ask them to change their environment a little.” At this point, he paused, and then said: “It’s Cuizhi, she used to be The family is comfortable and used to it, and the life we live now is already very wronged for her."
Of course the crux lies in Cuizhi, Shu Hui also understood it very well, so he nodded and said, "I can understand your concerns, but—" Just as he was speaking, Cuizhi came upstairs.Shuhui smiled and said, "Here, Cuizhi is here!" He turned his head and smiled at Cuizhi, "I'm here to tell Shijun that he has made great progress now, how are you? You are such a strong person, you You should compete with him." Cuizhi smiled and said, "Compete with him?" Shu Hui said with a smile, "You can join the Household Women's Federation, they have a lot of meaningful work to do, and you can also participate in studies if you have the opportunity, like You are such a smart person, you can get your mind right very quickly." Cuizhi smiled and said, "Ask me to join the Women's Federation! If I go to the Women's Federation all day, who will take care of these things at home? I have to use a housekeeper!" She left Went to Shijun's bed and asked, "Are you feeling better now? Can you still go out?" Shu Hui said, "Let's not go out today, let's rest at home." Shijun shook his head and said, "You have If you haven’t been to Shanghai, you should go out and have a look. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it today, let Cuizhi go with you.” Cuizhi happily smiled at Shuhui, “I’ll treat you to dinner, after dinner, go to the movies " Shu Hui thought to himself: "Alright, we can talk to her more and try to persuade her."
It was almost noon, and Cuizhi was busy changing clothes, so Shuhui went downstairs, waiting for her downstairs.Cuizhi was sitting in front of the mirror combing her hair, while Shijun was lying on the bed watching her.Her hair is sometimes combed up, sometimes down, sometimes curled inwards, sometimes curled outwards, it has changed many times over the years.This time she always swept her bald hair back and tied it high into a big bun, which set off her plump face even more.When Shi Jun usually goes out with her, he is most afraid of seeing her dressing up before departure, he is really anxious to death, because he doesn't need to accompany her to go out today, so he has the leisure to observe all this with an appreciative eye.He thought to himself that Cuizhi really doesn't look old, especially today she seems younger than ever, even her eyes are very bright, she seems very excited, like a girl going on a date.She was wearing a navy blue printed silk cheongsam with large green peonies on it.Shijun smiled and said, "When did you make this dress? Why haven't I seen it before?" hapiness.At the same time, she felt a little guilty!Before leaving, she asked him: "Aren't you feeling bored at home today?" Shijun said, "Maybe I'll be fine after I sleep." Cuizhi said again: "What do you want to eat, my name is They will prepare it for you." Shijun said, "I'm not hungry."
she left.The light of the sun shines into this messy and quiet room. Today is Sunday, the children are at home, and Erbei is babbling and singing liberation songs downstairs.Shijun didn't sleep well last night, he gradually fell asleep, and when he woke up, the sun was already setting.He felt thirsty and asked Mama Li to pour tea.Da Bei heard that he was awake, so she came into the room and asked him for money to go to the movies.Er Bei made a fuss and wanted to go, but Da Bei refused to take her there, saying that she wanted to watch and be afraid, and asked her to take her to drown when she saw the most nervous place.Shijun talked left and right, and finally he reluctantly agreed.Dabei is twelve years old today. He usually talks very little at home, and he doesn't smile easily.Shijun thought: "When a person is twelve years old, he doesn't know what is going on in his head?" Although he himself has not passed through that period, as far as his memory is concerned, it seems that he was already very sensible at that time. , not the slightest resemblance to the savage child in front of him.
The two children went to the movies, and the house became even quieter.Li's mother suddenly reported that the young lady had come.Now Xiaojian is going to university in Shanghai, and the young lady is worried that he is here alone, so she also moved to Shanghai to live.But because of her discord with Cuizhi, she rarely interacts with Shijun.Ever since Xiaojian was bitten by a dog when he came here, the eldest and young mistress was very angry, and she never came here for a long time.
When Shijun heard that his sister-in-law had come, he felt much better after taking a nap, so he sat up, got dressed, and went downstairs to see her.He guessed her reason for coming, or it was for Xiaojian.It is said that Xiao Jian is not very motivated, he is a mess in school and wanders outside all day. Of course, this is also due to the fact that the eldest and young grandmother is too doting and unclear, which caused his character.He was the one who came to Shijun to borrow money before, and he was dressed like a hooligan.His mother probably didn't know about the borrowing of money, but she may have discovered it now, and she may have come here today to pay back the money.But Shijun didn't guess.It was because there was a treat for the young lady today, she was eating in a restaurant, and she happened to meet Cuizhi—the treat was in the upstairs room, and Cuizhi and Shuhui were in the train seat downstairs, and the young lady came from them. Walking in front of her, she saw Cuizhi seeming to be wiping tears there.The eldest mistress knew Shu Hui, but Shu Hui didn't know her anymore, because after all these years, the eldest mistress had completely changed into an old lady's attire now.Shuhui didn't know her, and Cuizhi turned a blind eye when she saw her, and probably put all her attention on Shuhui.The eldest young mistress didn't greet them at that time, and went upstairs to the banquet.Come downstairs after dinner, they are no longer there.When the eldest young mistress went back, the more she thought about it, the more she felt something was wrong, so she came to Shijun's place to check on the situation that day.She felt that this matter was of great importance, and she couldn't hide it just because Cuizhi was her natal cousin, so she thought she had a sense of righteousness and killing relatives, rather than gloating.
Seeing Shijun, she smiled and said, "Where's Cuizhi?" Shijun smiled and said, "She's gone out." , diarrhea, so did not go out.The two greeted each other and talked about Xiaojian. Shijun listened to her tone, as if he didn't know about Xiaojian's ridiculous behavior outside. He thought he should tell her, otherwise, he was right when he said it, why did he borrow it behind his back? Giving money to Xiaojian seems to encourage him to spend money.But it's not easy to say this to her. If one speaks badly, it's like asking her for a debt.Moreover, the eldest young mistress has always defended her shortcomings, and Xiaojian in her mouth will always be an outstanding and good young man. If others want to say that he is not good, they can't say it.Seeing Shijun hesitating a few times but not explaining why, the eldest young mistress thought more and more that he had some hidden pain that was difficult to express. She is from Cuizhi's natal family, so he must accuse her in front of her family. guilt.The eldest mistress immediately said: "If you have something to say, just tell me it doesn't matter." Shijun smiled and said: "No, it's nothing—" Before he could continue, the eldest mistress went on to say: "It's for Cuizhi, right? Cuizhi is also bad, too disregarding your face, eating out with a man, shedding tears—otherwise I wouldn’t talk about it anymore, Cuizhi’s behavior like that is really wrong, It’s okay for me to see it, but what’s the point for others to see it?” Shijun was confused for a moment, and said after a while, “What do you mean today? She’s going out with Shuhui today.” The eldest young mistress said flatly: “Yes , I know him. Didn’t he often come to Nanjing and live in our house? He doesn’t know me anymore.” Shijun said, “Yes, he just came to Shanghai. We made an appointment to go out together because I He suddenly fell ill, so I had to go with Cuizhi." The eldest grandma said: "It doesn't matter if you go out to play, and shed tears at others, which one is it?" Shijun said: "That must be your misreading, sister-in-law , there will be no such thing. Shuhui is my best friend. Cuizhi may be a bit stubborn sometimes, but——this kind of thing will never happen!" When he said this, he couldn't help laughing.The young mistress said: "That's great! As long as you trust her!"
Shijun saw that she was quite angry. He wanted to tell her about Xiaojian's messing around outside, but now he can't tell her—she just said bad things about Cuizhi, so he just said bad things about Xiaojian. It became a kind of counterattack. Wouldn't she be even more angry when she heard it.So he didn't mention it, and found something else to chat with her.But the eldest young mistress was still angry and left without sitting for a while.After she left, Shijun sighed a lot, thinking that someone like her who "fears the world will not be chaotic" is really abnormal. She was also widowed because of her youth, and she was a victim of the old ethics. very sad.
Big Bei and Er Bei came back from watching a movie, so they made a fuss about having dinner.Shijun thought that Cuizhi and Shuhui were coming back soon, so he said that he would eat together when they came back.After waiting and waiting, the two children complained.Shijun asked them to eat first, but he still waited, because he felt that Shuhui's visit this time just happened to be unlucky, he had a social engagement yesterday, and was ill today, so he never had a chance to talk freely.He waited here, but he didn't expect that Shuhui and Cuizhi had already had dinner outside.It was Cuizhi who insisted on dragging him there. Cuizhi has been carrying a persistent and sentimental aura today, which made Shuhui feel very uneasy, so he insisted on going home after dinner, and did not talk to her. Come back together.He felt that he should not live with Shijun in the future, and he should not get too close.
That night when Cuizhi came back alone, Shijun asked, "Where's Shuhui?" Cuizhi said, "He went home and said he had agreed with their old lady." Shijun was very disappointed.Cuizhi heard that he had been waiting for them, and he hadn’t had dinner until now, and he hadn’t eaten anything all day, so he was fine now, but he felt very hungry, Cuizhi also felt very sorry for him, and hurriedly told the servant to hurry up dinner.After Zhang Luo watched him eat, she advised him: "You should go and lie down." Shijun said: "I'm fine, I can go out as usual tomorrow." Cuizhi said: "Then you have to get up early tomorrow." I should rest more." Shijun said: "I slept all day today, and I feel so bored lying down all the time." But she still urged him to go upstairs to lie down, made him another cup of tea, and personally He sent it upstairs, and he was very considerate, because he said he was bored, so he took a book from the booth to show him.
She came into the room with a cup of tea and threw the book on his bed.As soon as he threw it, a piece of letter paper in the book fell to the ground.Shijun saw it at a glance, and hurriedly got out of bed to pick up his slippers, but Cuizhi turned around and bent down to pick them up for him.She held it in her hand and looked at it casually.Shijun said: "Give it to me—it's nothing to see." As he spoke, he stretched out his hand to grab it.Cuizhi refused to let go. She read the letter with surprise on her face, and said with a smile, "Yo! It's still a love letter! What's going on here? Who wrote it to you?" " Shijun said: "This happened many years ago——" Cuizhi looked at it, and then read out word by word: "'Shijun, it's night now, everyone in the family is asleep, and it's extremely quiet. I can only hear the chirping of the crickets that my younger brother and the others bought. The weather has turned cold these two days. You left in such a hurry this time, you must have not brought your winter clothes with you? I think you have always been careless about these things, I don't want to add clothes when it's cold. I don't know why, I think about these all day long—'" She couldn't help giggling when she read this.She squeezed her throat again, imitating the popular "drama accent" and read in a high-pitched voice: "'It's really annoying—seeing anything or hearing someone say something is completely irrelevant. I will turn a few corners in my mind immediately, and immediately think of you.'" She smiled at Shijun again: "Oh, I don't see that you still have such a great ability to fascinate people like this!" She said , read on: "'Yesterday I went to Shuhui's house, I also know that Shuhui will not be at home, I just want to see his parents, because you have been living with them, I really hope they will talk about you.'" When she read this, she said "oh", and said to Shijun, "I know, it's your female colleague who came to Nanjing wearing a torn sheepskin coat." She He said in a "drama accent" coquettishly, "'Shijun! I want you to know that there is a person in this world who is always waiting for you, no matter when, no matter where you are, anyway. You know, there's always someone like that.'—Why, is she still there for you?"
Shijun couldn't bear it anymore, he came to snatch the letter from her, and said harshly, "Give it to me!" Cuizhi refused to give it to him.The two of them struggled, Shijun was very angry, maybe he exerted too much force, Cuizhi suddenly yelled "Aiyo".Then he pulled his hand back, blushed angrily and said, "Okay, take it! Who wants to read your nasty letter!" As he spoke, he walked out with his chest out.
Shijun grabbed the crumpled letter paper in his hand, rolled it tighter, and stuffed it into his pocket.He is still fighting with anger.In the years of being married to Cuizhi, I have never lost my temper with her, and this is the first time today.He almost missed her just now.
He dressed and came downstairs.Cuizhi sat downstairs on the sofa and wove a leather bag out of a kind of big white beads.Seeing him walking out, she said indifferently: "Hey, are you still going out at this time? Where are you going?" From her voice, one could tell that she was no longer prepared to quarrel.But Shijun walked out without saying a word.
Walking out of the gate, the street in front of the gate was dark, crossing two roads, electric lights and neon lights gradually increased, Shijun walked into a pharmacy to make a call, he didn't know Manzhen's address, only a phone number.When I called, a man came to answer the phone, and when he heard that he was looking for Miss Gu, he said, "Wait a minute." After waiting for a long, long time.Shijun guessed that Manzhen's house didn't have a phone, so he borrowed the phone from the neighbor, the place was noisy, or maybe it was a store, and he heard the cry of a child.He suddenly thought of the two children in his family, and the desperate determination just now was shaken again.And... half of my life has passed.
The horn of the car over there can be heard on the phone, and there are two hazy and distant sounds: "Bobo" sounds like a dream.
He regretted making the call.I wanted to hang up, but suddenly a woman's voice spoke over there.What he said was: "Hey, go and shout, wait a minute!" He wanted to tell them not to shout-of course it was too late.He quietly hung up the phone.I had no choice but to ask Manzhenbai to make a trip.
He came out of the pharmacy and walked down the street.Probably because I lay down all day today, I feel a little vacant, and I feel very tired after walking a lot, but I don't want to go home for a while.Manzhenbai shouldn't have been allowed to take that trip just now, so let him pay her back now.
When he came out just now, Li Ma at home happened to be mixing dog rice at the foot of the stairs. She saw him coming down wearing a hat, as if he was about to go out. She thought it was strange because he had been ill for a day. It's too late to go out.Later, he heard Cuizhi talking to him, but he didn't pay any attention to it, which had never happened before.But Mama Li understood in her heart that it must be because of the words that the young mistress came here today—Mama Li heard everything.Although Mama Li is a bit old-fashioned in doing things, her ability to listen to the wall is not inferior to anyone else.The youngest mistress said that the young mistress and Mr. Xu were on good terms. Although the young master expressed disbelief, he still defended the young mistress. Maybe he wanted to save face, so he had to do this at the time, so when the guests left and the young mistress came back, he would find another trouble to annoy her. This kind of thing There are also.Mama Li couldn't help it, so she went to find out what Cuizhi was saying. As expected, Cuizhi didn't know anything, only that the young lady was here today.Li's mother told her all the conversations between the young mistress and Shijun.
When Shijun came back, Cuizhi had already gone to bed and was sitting on the bed weaving a beaded purse.Her face was cold and guarded.He would have liked to have a frank talk with her, to remove as much of the estrangement between them as possible.
The book she threw on the bed just now was still there, he picked it up casually, put it on the table, and said slowly: "Don't think about it here. There is no third party among us. And it is already It happened so many years ago." Cuizhi immediately asked hostilely: "What did you say? What third party? What do you mean?" Shijun was silent for a while, then Fang said: "I mean that letter " Cuizhi glanced at him, smiled and said: "Oh, that letter! I forgot about it long ago." Listening to her tone, she seemed to think that he was too boring. A love letter, and I still take it as a great thing, and I keep talking about it.Seeing her like that, Shijun didn't want to talk any more, so he just said: "That's great."
He went to take a shower and came out, then went to sit on the balcony.There are a few stars in the black sky.It was late at night, and the voices of people in the alley next door gradually quieted down, but a person was heard yawning loudly, and the yawn dragged on for a very long time.
Another group of people in the alley sang a song softly, four or five people sang in chorus, some men and some women, they were probably practicing there, and sang it when they were preparing for the trip.Because the night was quiet, I was afraid that I would wake others up, so I kept my voice low. If I always sang a line incorrectly, I sang that line again and again, ten or twenty times in a row.Hearing this, Shijun's teeth were itchy and his heart was anxious.They sang from the beginning again, and when they sang that line, they still thought it was wrong, so they sang that line over and over again, without feeling tired or bored.Shijun suddenly felt very moved, he felt a little sad, and he felt deeply ashamed.It was at this time that he made up his mind that he must step up his studies and try to understand it no matter what.The trade union in their industry is not very active, and there are no study classes, so they can only read books by themselves.He has read a lot of books.However, he always felt that if the barrier from theory to practice was not cleared, everything would be in vain.But in the current family environment, it is almost impossible to make the slightest improvement.According to Cuizhi, there is nothing to save, anyway, she is compared with Ping Niyuan's family no matter what.Now he gradually feels that if he wants to change their way of life, it is impossible to use gradual methods. ...Unless he simply leaves home and goes to other places to do things, he must train himself first. ——It would be good to separate from Cuizhi for a while.
Since he made such a decision that night, he has been more eager to look for trouble.One day, he suddenly saw in the newspaper that the government was recruiting all kinds of talents to serve in the Northeast. He thought it was a very good opportunity. He might as well give it a try. Chi said.Of course she doesn't want to go to such a far away place. He can find a way to raise some money and leave it for her and the two children as settlement expenses. It was possible, but there was no other way. Anyway, he didn't disregard their lives, so he had a clear conscience.
He had a lot of things in his mind, and he really wanted to discuss it with Shuhui.Since that day, Shuhui hasn't been to them for many days.Shijun thought that he was having fun at home, so he didn't bother him. After a week or two, he called him and invited him to dinner.That afternoon, Shijun thought again, he invited Shuhui here, and it would be inconvenient to talk in front of Cuizhi, he might as well go to Shuhui's place earlier, or invite him out, or stay at his house Talk to him a little longer, and then come back with him.Shijun thought this way, and went out without telling Cuizhi where he was going.
When he arrived at Shuhui's place, he walked up to the third floor, but there was no sound, as if no one was at home.Shijun was used to coming here. He looked around at the door of the room and saw Mrs. Xu lying on the bed and sleeping, half asleep and half awake, holding a banana fan, half of it patted on the body, and half on the mat. The plantain fan scraped on the rough straw mat, chirping chirping.Shijun took a step back and knocked on the door.Mrs. Xu asked, "Who is it?" and sat up.Shijun came in with a smile and said, "Auntie woke me up." Mrs. Xu laughed and said, "I've already woken up. I can only sleep for a while in the middle of my sleep. If I sleep too much, I get a headache." Shijun laughed. "Is Shuhui at home?" Mrs. Xu said, "Shuhui has gone out." Shijun sat down and laughed, "Does Auntie know that he has gone to our house?" Mrs. Xu said: "He didn't say anything. "Shijun said: "I asked him to have dinner with us. I came here for nothing else, just wanting to ask him to go early. Auntie is happy to come to our place for a light meal?" Mrs. Xu smiled and said: "I am not going today. I went. To tell you the truth, it’s hot and I’m really afraid to go out.” Shijun asked again: “Is the old man out too?” Mrs. Xu smiled and said: “He’s busy these two days, isn’t he going to have a parade tomorrow? They are busy writing slogans there." Shijun smiled and said, "Is the old man going to parade tomorrow?" Mrs. Xu said with a smile, "Yes, he is so old, he ran to be caught among those young people, I said, can you walk? He said that you still have to carry a big banner!" Shijun listened, and then remembered what Shuhui said last time, saying that when he came back this time, he found that his father is very active now.He used to be an optimist of the celebrity school, and he was originally motivated, because there are many things in this society that he is not used to. Now that he is liberated, everything is different, so his attitude towards life is also different from before.
Mrs. Xu went to pour tea for Shijun, and while chatting with him, asked him how old the two children were and whether they went to school.After pouring a cup of tea and putting it on the table, there was a photo under the glass on the table. Mrs. Xu smiled at Shijun and said, "Have you seen it? This is Shuhui's daughter-in-law." Shijun said goodbye Turning around to look at the photo, Mrs. Xu also leaned over the table happily looking at it together, and suddenly heard someone call "Auntie", Mrs. Xu and Shijun turned their heads to look at the same time, but it was Manzhen.Manzhen stood at the door of the room, also stunned, she probably didn't expect to meet Shijun here.The setting sun is all over the floor, the sunlight filters in through the bamboo curtains, the wind blows the curtains, and the golden tiger-like shadows on the floor sway and dazzle the eyes.
Shijun mechanically stood up and nodded and smiled at her, and she also smiled and nodded to him.He heard Mrs. Xu's voice talking there, the voice seemed to be buzzing, up and down, and he couldn't tell what she was saying there.But afterward, based on his auditory memory and guesswork, he thought that she probably told Manzhen that Shuhui had waited for a long time and thought she would not come, so he went out.She must have made an appointment with Shuhui.Manzhen smiled and said, "I'm late. Because our company is busy preparing for tomorrow's parade, I didn't expect it to be this time." Mrs. Xu smiled and said, "I must be tired, please sit down for a while. "
Manzhen sat down, and Mrs. Xu also sat down beside Shijun.Mrs. Xu was always a little embarrassed, because she imagined that they would be embarrassed when they met.There was a very quiet moment in the room. Mrs. Xu picked up the plantain fan and shook it, but there was something wrong with the fan, the handle of the fan was about to break, and when she fanned it, it made a "squeak".The very slight sound can also be heard clearly.
Mrs. Xu seemed unable to think of anything to say for a while, but Shijun and Manzhen tried their best to find something to say to her, trying to make her not feel uneasy.Manzhen greets Yufang first, and Shijun then talks about Yufang going to parade tomorrow.After talking for a while, Mrs. Xu got up to pour tea for Manzhen. Manzhen stood up and said with a smile, "Don't pour tea, Auntie. I'm going back. Let's make an appointment with Shuhui in a day." Shijun said: "I I'm leaving too."
The two came out together.Once outside, silence fell immediately.Silently walking side by side, after a long while, Shijun finally smiled and said, "Is there anything you can do with Shuhui?" Manzhen said, "Because I saw in the newspaper that all kinds of people were recruited to serve in the Northeast, I want to take an accounting exam. , I don’t know if it’s okay. I want to ask Shuhui if he knows the situation there.” Shijun was stunned for a while, and smiled: “Are you planning to go to the northeast?” Manzhen smiled and said: “I don’t know if it will be successful. I can’t go!” Because she wanted to take the tram, she just walked on the street, and the more she walked, the busier she went, the sidewalk was bustling with people, not only sweating like rain, but someone was sucking popsicles while walking, and the solution of the popsicles splashed on other people’s arms, It was cold, like a few drops of cold rain.In such a crowded place, conversation is of course impossible.Shijun suddenly said: "Do you have something to do? Let's go to dinner together, okay? Just find a place here to sit and talk more." Manzhen hesitated for a moment, then said "OK", the voice But very humble.
There happened to be a Cantonese snack bar in front of it, and Shijun walked in without thinking too much about it.It was already dark, but it was still early for dinner, and there was hardly anyone inside.They sat down at a table in the back and first ordered two bottles of soda to drink.The furnishings here are very simple, with rattan chairs, and the place is cool.Their table was near the rear window, and outside the window was a small dark courtyard, and the draft was so strong that it made the light green curtains flutter.Shijun sat under the dim light, looking towards Manzhen, but he never took a good look at her.She was wearing small white checkered clothes with a blue background, and her hair was combed snugly, but it was still a little fuzzy; because of the hot weather, she tied it loosely at the back with a ribbon.Shijun smiled and said: "You still look the same, you haven't changed at all." Manzhen smiled and said: "Not necessarily." Maybe she is much more haggard, but in his opinion, she just looks a little tired.Shijun was also very happy, she was still exactly the same as before, because if the clothes and appearance were exactly the same as in his memory, it must be a meeting in a dream, not real.
Manzhen picked up a menu as a fan, and Shijun suddenly noticed a deep scar on her hand, which was not there before.He asked with a smile: "Hey, what's the matter with you?" He didn't understand why she suddenly had a shadow on her face.She looked down at her hand.It was glass scratched.That night, at Zhu's house, she yelled loudly, but no one answered her. She was so anxious that she smashed the glass window, so she cut her hand.
At that time, I always wanted to see Shijun one day and tell him all these things, and I told him many times in my dreams. Every time I had such a dream, I woke up crying, and I still sobbed when I woke up. shed tears.Now she really told him here, but in the most flat tone, because it was so many years ago.When she was narrating to him, she was still thinking in her heart, his life has always been very peaceful. Can he feel the reality of such gloomy and bizarre things?
Shijun looked very surprised at first, but later his face showed no expression at all, just very pale.He listened in silence, and then very suddenly he reached over and took her scarred hand tightly.Manzhen always turned her face slightly, not looking at him, as if seeing him would make her lose the courage to speak.她说到她从祝家逃了出来，但是最后还是嫁给鸿才了。她越说越快，她不愿意逗留在这些事情上。随后她就说起她的离婚，经过无数困难，小孩总算是判归她抚养了。她是借了许多债来打官司的。因此这些年来境况一直非常窘迫。
世钧便道：“那你现在怎么样？钱够用吗？”曼桢道：“现在好了，债也还清了。”世钧道：“孩子现在在哪儿念书？”曼桢道：“他新近刚加入了文工团了。”世钧笑道：“哦？——他真有出息！”曼桢也笑了，道：“我倒也受了他的影响，我觉得在现在这个时代里，是真得好好地振作起来做人了。”
世钧对于祝鸿才始终不能释然，很想问她可知道这人现在怎么样了，还在上海吧？但是他想着她一定不愿意再提起这个人，他也就没去问她。还是她自己提起来说：“听见说祝鸿才也死了。要解放的时候，他也跟着那些有钱的人学，逃到香港去，大概在那儿也没什么生意可做，所以又回到上海来。等到解放后，像他们那些投机囤积的自然不行了，他又想到台湾去，坐了个帆船，听说一船几十个人，船翻了全淹死了。”
她停了一停，又道：“论理我应该觉得快心，可是我后来想想，并不太恨他，倒是恨我自己。因为他根本就是那样一个人；想着，还自以为是脑筋清楚的，怎么那个时候完全被情感支配了，像我为小孩牺牲自己，其实那种牺牲对谁也没好处。——一想起那时候的事情心里不由得就恨！我真懊悔！”似乎她最觉得难过的就是她自动地嫁给鸿才这一点。世钧便道：“我倒很懂得你的。”他一向知道她这人是母性的倾向很强的。但是据他想着，她那时候或者也是因为听见他跟别人结婚了，所以也还是因为他的缘故而有了自暴自弃之念。他沉默了一会，便又接下去说道：“同时我想你那时候也是——也是因为我使你很灰心。”曼桢突然把头别了过去。她一定是掉下眼泪来了。世钧望着她，一时也说不出话来。
他抚摸着那藤椅子，藤椅子上有一处有点毛了，他就随手去撕那藤子，一丝一丝地撕下来，一面低声说道：“我那时候去找你姊姊的，她把你的戒指还了我，告诉我说你跟慕瑾结婚了。”曼桢吃了一惊，道：“哦，她这样说的？”世钧便把他那方面的事情从头说给她听，起初她母亲说她在祝家养病，他去看她，他们却说她不在那儿，他以为她是有意地不见他。回到南京后写信给她，一直没有回音，后来他去找她，他们已经全家离开上海了。再到她姊姊那里去，就听到她结婚的消息。他不该相信的，但是当时实在是没想到，她自己的姊姊会使出这样的毒计残害她。曼桢哭着道：“我现在也是因为时间隔得久了，所以对我姊姊的看法也比较客观了。好在现在——制造她的那个社会也已经崩溃了，我们也就——忘了她吧。”
他们很久很久没有说话。这许多年来使他们觉得困惑与痛苦的那些事情，现在终于知道了内中的真相，但是到了现在这时候，知道与不知道也没有多大分别了。——不过——对于他们，还是有很大的分别，至少她现在知道，他那时候是一心一意爱着她的，他也知道她对他是一心一意的，就也感到一种凄凉的满足。
这爿店里渐渐热闹起来了，接连着有两三起人进来吃饭。世钧向壁上的挂钟看了一看，他始终就没告诉曼桢他今天请叔惠吃饭的事。当下他便站起身来笑道：“你坐一会，我去打个电话就来。”
他到楼上去打电话，打到他家里去，是翠芝听的电话。一听见翠芝的声音，他不由得有一种异样的感觉，她是离他那样遥远，简直陌生得很。他问道：“叔惠来了吧？”翠芝道：“来了。”世钧道：“我不能回来吃饭了，你陪他吃吧。你留他多坐一会，我吃完饭就回来。”他从来没做过这样拆滥污的事，约了人家来吃饭，自己临时又不回来。过天他可以对叔惠解释的，但是他预料翠芝一定要非常生气。她倒也没说什么，也没问他现在在哪儿，在那儿忙些什么。
翠芝那边挂上了电话，便向女佣说道：“不用等了，一会儿就开饭。”叔惠在客厅里听见了，她走了进来，他便笑道：“世钧不回来吃饭了？他上哪儿去了？”翠芝一坐下来便把钩针拿起来，编织珠子皮包，道：“谁知道他！真岂有此理，你难得来一趟的！”叔惠笑道：“那倒也没有什么，我又不是外人。”翠芝不语，只是低着头编织着。半晌，她突然昂起头来，淡笑着望着他说道：“你这些天不来，大概是因为不敢来，怕我再跟你说那些话。”叔惠微笑道：“哪儿？”翠芝道：“我憋了这些年了，今天我一定要跟你说明白了——”叔惠没等她说下去，便很恳切地说道：“翠芝，我知道你一向对我非常好，我这个人实在是不值得你这样喜欢的。其实你这不过是一种少女时代的幻想，而后来没有能实现，所以你一直心里老惦记着。”翠芝想道：“他那意思还不是说，我一向是个要什么有什么的阔小姐，对于他，只是因为没有能得到他，所以特别念念不忘。”
愤怒的泪水涌到她眼眶里来了。她哽咽着道：“你这样说可见你不懂得我。我一直是爱你的，除了你我从来也没有爱过别人。”叔惠道：“翠芝！——我们现在都已经到了这个年龄了，应该理智点。”但是她想着，她已经理智得够了，她过去一直是很实际的，一切都是遵照着世俗的安排，也许正因为是这样，她在心底里永远惋惜着她那一点脆弱的早夭的恋梦，永远丢不开它，而且年纪越大只有越固执地不肯放手。
she cried.叔惠心里也非常难过，但是他觉得这时候对她也不能一味地安慰，反而害了她。他很艰难地说道：“我觉得，你一直不能忘记年轻时候那些幻梦，也是因为你后来的生活太空虚了。实在是应当生活得充实一点。”翠芝不语。叔惠又道：“世钧现在思想有点转变了，你要是再鼓励着他点，我相信你们的前途一定是光明的。”翠芝忿忿地道：“你从来也不替我着想，就光想着世钧。”叔惠微笑道：“我这完全是为你打算呀。真的，为你自己的幸福起见，你应当对他多一点谅解。你仔细想想就知道了。”
翠芝就像不听见似的。这时候李妈却在外面楼梯上一路喊下来：“小少爷呢？来洗澡呀！回回都要人家三请四请。”又嘟囔着道：“就是这样不爱干净！”翠芝大概是怕有人进来，一面拭着泪，便很快地站起身来，走到阳台上去了。叔惠就也跟了出来，见她面朝外伏在栏杆上，他就也靠在栏杆上，在这黑暗的阳台上默默地陪着她。
半晌，忽然二贝一路嚷了进来道：“妈，吃晚饭了！”她跑到阳台上，翠芝在她颈项上抚摸着道：“你洗过澡没有？”二贝道：“洗过了。”翠芝道：“洗过澡怎么还这样黏？”一面说着话，三个人便一同进去吃饭。
要是照迷信的话，这时翠芝的耳朵应当是热的，因为有人讲到她。起初世钧一直没有提起他家里的事情，后来曼桢说：“真是，说了这么半天，你一点也没说起你自己来。”世钧笑道：“我啊？简直没什么可说的——一事无成。所以这次叔惠来，我都有点怕见他。多少年不见了，我觉得老朋友见面是对自己的一种考验。”说着，不由得深深地叹了口气。曼桢道：“你怎么这样消极？我觉得现在不像从前了，正是努力做事的好机会。”世钧顿了一顿，他略微有点忸怩地笑道：“其实，我这两天倒也是在考虑着，想到东北去。”曼桢听见这话却是十分兴奋，忙道：“那好极了！”世钧向她脸上看了看，见她确实是非常高兴的样子。他要是去的话，在她总想着，翠芝也会一同去的，很有这可能大家都在一起工作，一天到晚见面，她不见得没想到这一层，但是好像并不介意似的。
他默然了一会，便又微笑道：“不过我想想真懊悔，从前实习工作也没做完；这次报考的人一定很多，我恐怕没什么希望。”曼桢笑道：“你又来了！你决不会考不上的。再说，就是考不上，在新社会里，像你这样的人还怕没有出路么？”世钧笑道：“你总是鼓励我。——老实说，我对新中国的前途是绝对有信心的，可是对我自己实在缺少信心。”
他随即说起他的家庭状况，说起翠芝。他总觉得他不应当对着曼桢说翠芝不好，但是他的口吻间不免流露出来，他目前要想改变他的生活方式是很困难的，处处感到掣肘的苦痛。他说翠芝也是因为出身的关系，从小骄纵惯了，这些年来又一直生活在一个小圈子里，来往的人都是些无聊的奶奶太太们。当然他自己也不好，他从来也不去干涉她，总是客客气气的，彼此漠不相关。他一方面责备着自己，但是可以听得出来他们感情不大好，他的心情也是非常黯然。曼桢一直默默无言地听着。她终于说道：“听你这样说，我觉得你们换一个环境一定好的。譬如到东北去，你做你的事，翠芝也可以担任另外一方面的工作，大家都为人民服务，我相信一个人对社会的关系搞好了，私人间的关系自然而然地也会变好的。”
世钧默然。他也相信翠芝要是能够到东北去，也许于她很有益处，但是她根本不会去的。他不想再说下去，便换了个话题道：“嗳，我最近听见一个消息关于慕瑾，说抗战的时候他在六安，给国民党抓去了，他太太可惨极了，给他们拷打逼着要钱，后来就死了。”曼桢道：“是的，我也听见说。”她沉默了一会，又怆然道：“他一定受了很大的刺激。”世钧道：“这人现在不知道到哪儿去了？”曼桢道：“我听见一个同乡说，慕瑾带着他女儿到四川去了，那女孩子那时候还小，他把她送去交给他丈人家抚养。这也是好几年前的事了。后来一直也没听到他的消息。”她过了一会，又叹道：“那次我看见他的时候，他倒是说的，说政治一天不清明，就一天不能够安心工作——他是只想做一个单纯的乡村医生，可是好像连这一点也不能如愿。”
他们这时候已经吃了饭出来了，在站台上等电车。世钧道：“我送你回去。”曼桢道：“不用了，你过天再来吧，我们以后总也不短见面的。”有一辆电车开过来了，曼桢笑道：“那么，再见了。”她顿了一顿，却又很匆促地微笑道：“即使不能一块儿到东北去，反正——只要是在一条路上走着，总是在一起的。”世钧听了这话，只觉得心里一股子热气涌上来，眼睛都有点湿润了，也不知道是谁先伸出手来的，他紧紧地握住她两只手。时间仿佛停住了，那电车远远地开驶过来，却已经到了跟前，灯火通明的，又开走了。她也走了，只剩他一个人站在站台上。
他回到家里，叔惠还在那儿，和大贝谈得很热闹。二贝在灯下看连环图画。翠芝独自一个人坐在一个幽暗的角落里，织她的珠子皮包。世钧坐下来和叔惠说话，翠芝觉得他仿佛有什么心事似的。平常她从来不去注意到这些的，今天也是因为被叔惠劝得有些回心转意了。所以忽然地对世钧关心起来。她看他一直不大开口，但是又好像是很兴奋。她便有点疑惑，难道他今天是有意地躲出去的，存心试探他们，让他们有一个单独谈话的机会。
等两个孩子上楼去了，房间里安静下来了，世钧便和叔惠谈起现在招考各种人才到东北去的事，他很简洁地说，“我决定去报考。”他出其不意地这样一宣布，叔惠不由得笑了起来道：“今天怎么回事，大家都要到东北去！今天早上曼桢打电话给我，说她也想去。”翠芝忽然开口问道：“谁呀？是不是你们那个女同事？”叔惠道：“是的，就是那个顾小姐。”翠芝便默然了。
世钧听见她这样问着，就猜着她一定是想起那封信来了。再由这上面联想到他们同时决定要到东北去，两相对照，当然是要疑心了。这事情倒有点麻烦。本来他想到东北去，也预料着她一定要反对的，但是他打定主意无论如何要说服她，现在这说服的工作恐怕更棘手了。——刚才就没想到叔惠会冲口而出地说出曼桢也要去的话。但是也不能怪叔惠，叔惠又不知道他们不久以前为了那封信曾经引起一些纠葛。至于他今天在叔惠家里碰见曼桢的事情，叔惠更是绝对想不到的，根本就不知道他上那儿去过。
叔惠真是十分高兴，因为世钧终于有了前进的决心。他当然极力地鼓励他去，并且撺掇着翠芝跟他一块去。翠芝只是默默地坐在幽暗的一隅，她那面色有点不可测。叔惠也知道她对于这件事决不是马上就能接受的，过一天他还是要切切实实地劝劝她，今天因为刚才有过那一番谈话，他想她也许还是很伤感，所以他也没有多坐，稍微谈了一会就走了。
客人走了，锁在亭子间的狗应当可以放出来了。但是谁也没想到，尽自让它在那里悲哀地呜呜叫着。
翠芝依旧坐在那里织皮包。世钧斜靠着桌子角站着，把手里的一支香烟揿灭了。看情形是免不了要有一场争吵。但是她开口说话的时候，态度却是相当冷静，她问道：“你怎么忽然想起来要到东北去的？”世钧道：“我那天看见报上招考，就一直在那儿考虑着。”翠芝道：“你一定是因为顾小姐要去所以你也要去。你看见她了吧？”世钧道：“看倒是看见她的，就是今天，我走过叔惠那儿，预备去催他早点来，刚巧她也在那儿，我就约她一块去吃饭。不过这一点你要相信我，我决定到东北去绝对与她没有关系。”
当然她是不相信的。她心里想，世钧一直是爱着那个女人的，只要看那次为了那封信他生那么大的气，就可以知道了。但是他因为是一个尽职的丈夫，所以至今没有什么越轨的行为。一方面他多少也有些夫妻之情，可是自从那回他嫂嫂在他面前说她同叔惠的话，他从此对她就两样了——是的，当时还不大觉得，现在想起来，自从那天起他一直对她非常冷淡，并且去找那顾小姐去了。翠芝想到这里，就像整个的身子都掉进了冷水缸里似的。
刚巧正是今天，她跟叔惠彻底地谈过之后，正是心里觉得最凄凉的时候，却连世钧也要离开她了。过去从来也没有真正地跟他靠拢过，而现在她将永远地失去他了——她正像一个人浩然有归志了，但是忽然地发现她是无家可归。
她哑着喉咙说：“我知道，你现在简直不拿我当个人了。你一定是听了嫂嫂的话，疑心我了。”世钧怔了一怔微笑道：“哪有那么回事？”翠芝道：“那天她不是跑来造了我许多谣言！”世钧笑道：“嫂嫂根本神经病——咦，你怎么知道的？”翠芝道：“你以为你不告诉我我就不知道了？”世钧道：“我不告诉你也有道理的，我怕你因为她那些废话，跟叔惠在一起反而要拘束了。”
翠芝听见他这话，心里却有一种奇异的感觉。他对她竟是这样信任，她实在觉得惭愧，虽然她在行为上并没有真的怎样，恐怕在心里是背叛了他一千遍。想想实在对不起他，就是平常两口子过日子，也有许多事情都是她的过错，她很想要他知道她现在明白过来了，但是这时候要是对他表示忏悔，不是好像自己心虚，倒反而证实了人家说她的坏话。所以心里转来转去半天，这话始终也没说出口来。
她忽然很强硬地说道：“你要到东北去我也要跟你一块儿去。”世钧很注意地向她看了一眼，微笑道：“本来是希望你能够一块儿去的。”翠芝道：“反正你不要想丢掉我！”世钧笑道：“你今天怎么了？也有点神经病！”他伸过手去在她手背上轻轻地拍拍，抚慰地，同时也带着点倦怠的意味。经他这一安慰，翠芝也不知道怎么的，倒落下两点眼泪来了。世钧笑道：“咦？——等会给大贝看见了难为情吧？”翠芝别过头去，抬起一只手来揩眼睛，一方面却嗤嗤地笑起来了。
世钧也笑了。他心里想着，翠芝要是能够把她那脾气改了，那是再好也没有的事了，就怕她不过是一时的冲动，就像人家每年年头岁尾下的那些决心一样，不一定能持久的。是否能持久，那还是要看她以后是不是能够把思想搞通了，真能够刻苦耐劳，在这社会上做一个有用的人。其实他自己又何尝不是同样的情形，同是在旧社会里糊里糊涂做了半辈子的人，掼不下的包袱不知有多少，这回到东北去要是去得成，对于他正是一个严重的考验。在这一点上，他和她是有一种类似兄妹的感觉了。他微笑着牵着她的手，轻轻摇撼了一下。他想，这是他们感情上的再出发。