Chapter 24 9. Swan song

A mysterious figure appeared on the bank of the White River. I remember that one evening, my father took me to the other side of the Baihe River, and sat on the embankment of Xinpu to watch the boats.My father said that when he was a child, he loved to sit here and watch the boats. His eyes would follow the white sails away until Hankou, and then he saw the ships on the Yangtze River.The chimney on the ship is like a big pipe blowing out black smoke rings, and the bow of the ship plows out a row of white waves on the river, heading for the sea in a "chug".His father's longing for the Yangtze River once made him secretly remove the door panel of his house and put it into the river, where he sat on the door panel and swayed away.Perhaps he would have made a thrilling trip if a malicious wave hadn't knocked over the door panels.I heard it, and I was eager to try it, so I asked my father, can I take off grandma's door panel?My father said, no, no, grandma's door panel fell apart as soon as it was put into the water, and told me to follow the sail with my eyes. 

My eyes follow the sails away.A 15- or 16-year-old guy from Hengchang Grocery Store shouted "Mr. Zhang!" and hurried over.He has a strange name Shijiu, and he once sent a bottle of soy sauce to my grandma in Zhang'an.My father often looked at Shijiu with compassionate eyes, as if seeing what he might have become in childhood.Shijiu whispered a few words to his father, and my father's glasses suddenly lit up in the setting sun. He hurriedly handed me over to Shijiu, and hurried into the back door of Hengchang Grocery Store. Zhang Jinsuo, the old shopkeeper of Hengchang grocery store, has passed away. His son-in-law, Wei Xianggong, has become the shopkeeper of the grocery store. He cared for my father just as the old shopkeeper did during his lifetime.Every time my father returned to his hometown, he would prepare an elegant and quiet guest room in the backyard of the grocery store.Shijiu took me into the backyard, and I was about to follow my father into the guest room, but Shijiu hurriedly grabbed me and said, "Go to my room, I have watermelons!"

I entered Shijiu's hut, but I didn't see the watermelon.Shijiu said again: "Let me tell you a story." I said that the story is not as delicious as watermelon.He said that the story I told was more delicious than watermelon, so he started to tell: "A few years ago, one early morning, as soon as your grandfather got up, he saw a man digging into the straw stack outside the door, with his head stuck in the straw stack He was snoring, but his legs were sticking out, and he was wearing a pair of shiny leather shoes. Your grandfather had never seen leather shoes before, and he said they were oil shoes worn on rainy days, unlike oil shoes, and they were soap boots worn in operas, right? Soap boots, who is this? I tapped the soles of the shoes with a cigarette pot. The man emerged from the straw stack. He was wearing a western suit and a floral tie around his neck, but he was covered in debris. Wheat Straw stretched beautifully. Your grandfather asked: "Which country are you from?" He rubbed his eyes and said: "Father, I am a smart baby!" Your grandfather looked and looked, and sure enough It was Congwa, so he grabbed his tie and quarreled with him: "Why did you tie your trouser belt around your neck?" Shijiu couldn't help laughing, and said, "Your father patted the straw on your father's body and made a noise again. He: "Why don't you knock on the door when you come back at night, sleep in the place where the dog sleeps, and teach in some university hall, the more you teach, the more confused you become?" Your father said: "Father, I just want to sleep with the dog." place.’ Your grandfather said: ‘Why is that?’ Your father said: ‘The gold nest and the silver nest are not as good as your dog’s nest!’” Shijiu laughed at himself.I didn't have time to develop a sense of humor to accept this joke, but I just thought it must be ridiculous for my father to tie his trouser belt around his neck, so I forgot about the watermelon and laughed along with Shijiu.

At this time, another boy named Scale delivered meals to the guest room with a tray.I left the hut and ran to the guest room to eat.Shijiu dragged me back to the hut again, and said: "You can't go, you will get in the way when you go, so you can eat here." He blinked his eyes and asked me: "What is getting in the way, do you understand?" I shook my head .He said: "You will understand when you grow up." At that time, I really didn't understand, but I thought the weight was a bit strange. He was holding the tray with one hand and lifted the bamboo curtain of the guest room with the other. He was about to enter the room when he suddenly took back his steps. , Gently put down the bamboo curtain, waited outside the door for a while, said: "Mr. Zhang, it's time to eat!" before entering the room again.He came out of the guest room and came to the hut to bring me food, and said to Shijiu in a ghostly manner: "Mr. No ivory! That's not touching hands, it's shaking hands, it's the rules of city people." The weighing mound raised two index fingers again, slowly approached, and said: "Just now, they stood face to face, there was only a small gap between them. Boy, if I hadn't lifted the bamboo curtain, maybe it would have stuck together!" He pointed to the window of the guest room and said, "Look, it's time for a 'shadow play'!"

Stone mortars and weights are crowded on the window lattices to stare at the windows of the guest room. The guest room was lit, and two figures flickered on the bright white window paper, one was the father, and the other outlined a beautiful woman.They seemed to be sitting facing each other without any abnormality.The father stretched out the chopsticks, and the woman's shadow flickered.The weigher was disappointed and said, "Why? Why are you still feeding her with chopsticks? It's fine if you can't feed her mouth to mouth!" Shijiu's head hit the weigher's head, "Why did you put the lamp on? Why did it happen to put her Did it print on the window?" The weight said: "Still put it on the table next to the back wall!" Then he stuck out his tongue and said: "Just move the dining table to the window, so that it is cool next to the window!" Shijiu yelled at him again: "You are deliberately playing tricks! If the shopkeeper finds out, there will be good fruit for you to eat!" The weight said: "I think this is the intentional arrangement of the shopkeeper. In this bright and dark guest room, although one person lives on one side , Once the door is closed, it will become a family!" Shijiu said, "Don't mind your own business!"

They were arguing, but they put their heads against the window lattice again.As if he hadn't seen the fascinating "shadow puppet show", the weighing mound yelled again: "Oops! It's time for more food." Then he ran out in a panic. In the hut, Shijiu still stretched his neck and stared at the opposite window.I saw my father's shadow approaching the woman's shadow again, almost touching my head, and suddenly felt an inexplicable annoyance, like a rabbit on my uncle's grave scurrying out of the hut. Got into the guest room. My sudden appearance startled my father, then he calmed down again, and said with a smile, "This is your Aunt Wan'er." I saw a pretty melon-seeded face, and then I found the beauty mole.Under the light, Aunt Wan'er looked shy and flustered, kissed me hastily on the face, then picked me up and put me on the armchair beside the dining table.The way she made me sit on the chair made both me and her look ridiculous.My head was just above the table, so I could only stick my eyes on the table, and my eyes turned around the dishes on the table, looking at her intently and intently.The look in my eyes must have frightened her, she looked at me as if she had seen a little wolf.I changed my posture again and knelt on the bow chair to increase my height and self-confidence at the same time. As soon as I spoke, I became a blockbuster: "You are in my dad's book!" She was startled, and her almond-shaped eyes opened round .I said with emphasis: "It's a very thick book!" My father whispered, "It's your picture."

Aunt Wan'er's pale cheeks suddenly flushed.She frantically used her chopsticks to sandwich the shredded meat on a small pancake, rolled it into a tube and sent it over as a reward for my tipping off to her.I recognized her fingers again. They were the fingers I had seen in the air-raid shelter in Nanyang. They were always pale, thin and trembling.She brought the pancake to my mouth, as if she was afraid that I would bite her fingers and hold the pancake with only two fingertips, and the remaining three fingers trembled up, like a butterfly holding its wings. The finger shape of the orchid is like a butterfly ready to fly away at any time.I took a ferocious bite of the pancake, and she withdrew her fingers in an "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"""""""" and "a panicked sigh."The cute, annoying, and poor Aunt Wan'er summoned up great courage to bring the pancakes to my mouth again, but I stuck out my tongue out of the blue and tenderly licked away a drop of gravy on her fingertips.She let out a heart-warming exclamation again, stroking my head with trembling fingers as if stroking a cute puppy, and patiently fed me the curly roll that eternally left the supreme fragrance in my memory Shredded pork pancakes.I've been bought off with shredded pork in pancakes while I'm being ferocious.She swept my face lightly with her gentle and sad eyes, and completely disintegrated all my hostility towards her.

However, not many days later, I betrayed Aunt Wan'er to my mother in Nanyang.That day I clamored to eat pancakes, and made a loud statement to my mother that I wanted to eat the pancake that Aunt Wan'er rolled in Xinpu.My father had to pay a heavy price for my betrayal.The father said to the mother, what is going on?Do you listen to me telling you the truth?When I was in Zhang'an, Miss Wan took advantage of her father's visit to relatives and took out for me the old man's secret major tune manuscript, which was collected by this "music idiot" almost all his life. Ten famous jokes, some of which have been extinct.Before her father came back, Miss Wan had to transcribe the manuscript with the shortest time, the fastest speed, the highest quality and the most rigorous method, and then put it back to the original place.This is something she can't do alone, so she hurried to Xinpu to find me.Of course, I entrusted Miss Wan to do this, but I just hoped that she could persuade her father to show me the manuscript. I didn't expect that she would use this simplest method to achieve a secret success.Of course, it was precisely for this reason that I left her my contact information in Zhang'an, and so on.

What my father said was right.I remember that after Aunt Wan'er appeared in Xinpu, the lights in the guest room were kept on late at night.Father and Aunt Wan'er were busy copying something, and even invited a middle school student who was at home on vacation to help copy.The father seemed to let the middle school student live in the living room in the middle, sandwiched between the two of them, to avoid suspicion.I still remember the manuscript they transcribed, just as my father said when referring to the manuscript in his self-published "Guzi Qucun? , "small regular script, dotted with red pen", but I didn't hear "the ancient sound and clear rhyme vividly appear on the paper".Father once showed his mother this copy of the manuscript, in order to explain that the whole reason for his meeting with Miss Wan in Xinpu was only for this major tune manuscript.

I turned over the manuscript of the major tune sixty years ago, and saw lines of thin and graceful handwriting, just like Aunt Wan'er sixty years ago, Tingting, weak willow blowing the wind, in the square of vertical lines The grid comes and goes in a hurry, sometimes sinks into the trough, sometimes climbs over the peak, and there are fragrant grasses everywhere, and the sound of warblers singing.Look, there is a dry and yellowed lake here. I don't know if it is a drop of sweat rolling down Aunt Wan'er's forehead, or a drop of ink leaked from her flowery gold celluloid pen.

With three people transcribing the manuscript, there would probably be plenty of time.The father also invited a blind artist named "Blind Nengwa" to ask him for advice.My father told Aunt Wan'er that Biannengwa was extremely intelligent. After she lost her sight at a young age, she traveled from village to village with a master who sang major tunes, playing the piano and singing, and her singing became popular in the southern half of Xinye County.His voice is thick and sandy, hot and unrestrained, and everyone gave him the nickname "Sandy Noodle Melon".But I heard later that he is good at singing "Hunqu".Once, he went to the countryside of Xiangfan, Hubei Province, and sang "Giving Embroidered Shoes" and "Little Big Sister Thinks of Spring". He ran back to Henan and almost caused a bloody fight on the Henan-Hubei border.Later, he lost his voice in old age and stayed at home for many years.Father purposely asked Shijiu to follow him, brought a generous gift, and led a mule to visit him.He couldn't make any excuses, so he took the sanxian and rode on the mule. It is the seventh month of the lunar calendar, when the autumn seedlings are hoeed and the farmers are busy "hanging the hoe hook". The playing and singing of "Sandy Noodle Melon" in the guest room of the grocery store attracted the farmers around Xinpu.Under the big willow tree in the backyard of the grocery store, people are crowded and airtight.Fearing that the folks would be left out in the cold, my father asked Shijiu to set up tables and chairs in front of the guest room, and invited "Sandy Melon Noodles" to sit outside the door and play and sing.Father and Aunt Wan'er sat on both sides of the table, listening and busy taking notes.The old "Mian Melon" has a hoarse voice, and his mouth is missing a front tooth.Pairs of hungry, thirsty, lightning-like eyes aimed at Aunt Wan'er instigated.There was a chatter in the crowd, a fruitless argument about why a girl from the city should wear a skirt without trousers, and whether to wear trousers under a skirt.A few village ruffians squeezed in front of the crowd, squatted down close to Aunt Wan'er, and waited for an opportunity to take a close peep. Aunt Wan'er and her father didn't realize it. At the end of each song of "Noodle Melon", Aunt Wan'er rinsed a towel in cold water, handed it to the old man to wipe off his sweat, and put the cut watermelon teeth in the old man's hands.The eyes of the crowd flickered again, and there were sighs and friendly noises, saying that the girl from the city had a good heart and respected us country people.Aunt Wan'er looked at the record again, and hummed to "Mian Meimelon" the music score she had just memorized, asking him to correct it. "Mian Melon" listened quietly with bulging eyes, tears suddenly overflowed from his eye sockets, nodded and said: "Yes, yes! I have sung all my life, but I never thought it was worth your learned people's troubles; I didn't expect I have sung all my life, but I have not been able to escape the palms of these 'Dou Laimi'!" The village ruffian forgot Aunt Wan'er's skirt, but peeked at her bookcase, and got scared, and shrank into the crowd and said, this woman is very knowledgeable, and the "toad and tadpole" she draws on paper is so good, is it true? "Eight-tone bug"!An old man said that Congwa has eyes, but this is a "female secretary" who is hard to find even with a lantern! The above discussion was what Shijiu let me hear when he talked to the weight afterwards.I was sitting on the small bench next to my father at the time, only to see Aunt Wan'er change her weak and melancholy look, and the pencil in her hand jumped rapidly on the book clip.She became smart and agile, and her usually mournful eyes sparkled lively.My father was also doubly radiant, looking up from his notebook from time to time, looking at Aunt Wan'er silently, and gave me a handkerchief, asking me to go around behind the table and pass it to Aunt Wan'er to wipe my sweat; also, Her hair clips are about to slip off, so go and tell your Aunt Wan'er.I was very honored to play the role of Xiao Paitang, and Aunt Wan'er said: "Ah, what a smart child!" When the sun was setting in the west, my father secretly stuffed an envelope containing money in the piano bag of "Mellow Noodles", then took his hand to touch the envelope, and said: "Pick it up, old man. A little meaning is not a respect!" Stand up and say to everyone: "Come back, it's getting late, the blind man has to go home after dinner!" The crowd was dispersing, and a street ruffian who was stronger than the village ruffian shouted loudly: "I haven't heard yet!" It’s fun, why did the show end? The old rules, if you don’t sing ‘nasty jokes’, you won’t make a show!” “Mian Melon” said in great panic, “I’m getting old, and I can’t sing ‘nasty jokes’ anymore.” The crowd that was leaving again Gathered together, clapped together, booed and said: "Master Blind, I can only listen to you once in this life!" The person who was honored as Lord Blind was touched, stood up quickly, and said to everyone: "Thank you folks! Congratulations! But I can't sing the jokes that are too nasty, so I will send you a piece of "Night Party", which is neither meat nor vegetarian." Father and Aunt Wan'er immediately picked up their pens again, preparing to record the blind man's "Sweet Song". The blind man tuned the sanxian again, summoned up Yu Yong and sang: I miss my brother today, and I miss my brother tomorrow! There is a big sand river in front of the gate. On the single-plank bridge, the real slave is sad, Shishinu is sad! He took off his red embroidered shoes and shook off his white bound feet. The water is as deep as the navel, and as shallow as the ankle, Neither deep nor shallow, neither deep nor shallow... There was a pause here, and the blind man rolled his cloudy eyes and asked, "So what if it's neither deep nor shallow?" with.  The street gangsters sang together: "Haha, unravel and poke in, poke in!" Everyone laughed. The blind man bowed his hands to everyone and said: "The blind old man is presumptuous, he has sinned!" The villagers broke up happily. Both father and aunt Wan'er blushed.Aunt Wan'er covered her face with a book clip and entered the guest room. Only I don't know how to blush and don't know how to laugh.Several years later, I read Wang Shifu's, but I didn't find the plot where Cui Yingying took off her red embroidered shoes and crossed the Shahe River to meet Zhang Sheng. Then I knew that there was another one among the folks, another Cui Yingying, who treated the loneliness of the villagers according to the peasants' understandable appearance and the needs of male organs. That night, it was Shijiu who took me back to Zhang'an behind my back. Along the way, Shijiu kept praising the street ruffian who took the lead in booing like a hero. He said, you don't know how capable he is!He can make a serious, ostentatious little daughter-in-law look at his big dick happily on the street.Do you know what a dick is?I said roast chicken.He laughed and said, no, your little penis grows up to be a dick.He said that the little daughter-in-law was a flower on Xinpu Street, she just frowned and had a stern face all day long, and never saw her smile.The street gangster said to his cronies, I can make her laugh, and she laughs when she sees my dick, don't you believe me?Early tomorrow morning, you all hide at the crossroads and wait and see. Early the next morning, the young daughter-in-law went to the cross street well to fetch water as usual, got off the well platform, and just entered the alley entrance, the street ruffian tucked up his trousers in advance, holding a plate of hot tofu in one hand and a pot of hot soybean milk in the other. Walking head-on from the alley, when he arrived in front of the little daughter-in-law, he shrunk his stomach, and the pants fell to his ankles with a "snap", revealing the dark guy.The little daughter-in-law blushed immediately, and wanted to go around quickly, but the entrance of the alley was blocked by him, and she was about to open her mouth to scold him, but seeing that he was holding something in both hands and couldn't put it down, he was so anxious that he clamped his legs tightly The ground spun around, and the thing followed him straight away.He yelled loudly like killing a pig: "Mother, who will help me lift my pants!" The little daughter-in-law laughed "eat". Shijiu couldn't help laughing again, and said full of praise: "This scumbag is really good at being sloppy, number one in the world!" He found that I was a little indifferent to this world champion, so he put me on his back on the ground, Like a street ruffian holding things in both hands, he shook his fist on his crotch with one hand, and seeing that I still didn't smile, he asked me very sadly: "Little Grandpa, why can't you laugh?" ?” Disappointed, Shijiu took my hand and walked towards Zhang An, saying: "You are so stupid, I think your father is also stupid in studying. Wei Xianggong is really flattering your father! He came forward and asked the guys to take care of you Dad, his uncle secretly gave your grandfather a "paste" and recorded it in the account one by one, keeping an eye on your mulberry garden. They sold your father, and your father nodded his head and said, thank you , thank you! I said this, do you understand?" I still don't understand.Shijiu shook his head again and sighed, "If you read too much, you will become stupid. When your father understands, it will be too late!" Then, over the sky above Grandpa's mulberry garden, a black fly buzzed and flew over from a distance. When I got closer, I saw that it was an airplane with "red plaster" on its wings.It circled over the mulberry garden and found that I was too young and my grandfather was too thin, so it flew to the north of Zhang'an and dropped a bomb, which destroyed the "Niangniang Temple" in the hometown of Empress Niangyin in the harem of Emperor Guangwu of the Eastern Han Dynasty. , Swirling back through the treetops, chasing after a girl selling peaches.The girl screamed and ran wildly on the field path with the bamboo basket in her hands.A huge black shadow passed over the girl's head, a stream of soil smoke rose from the path, and the field shook like a sieve with a sieve.The girl suddenly floated up, and the blood-red petals flew up with a bamboo basket of peaches. The girl fell heavily to the ground again, and never got up again. Only a big black and shiny braid was hanging on the branch and swaying in the wind. My father lost his nerve like an uncle, and yelled at the plane: "Beast, beast, fascist, come down, you hold a bomb and drop it on my head! Why do you want to destroy a girl who is too late to grow up?" Son? Do you have any sisters or daughters? Are you still human?" Grandpa said, "Stop scolding, he has already run away, and he can't understand human language!" Immediately afterwards, the boat people who came back from Xiangfan said that the devils were going to attack Wuhan, and they were attacking Xiangfan. There were corpses floating on the Han River, and the river turned red.The middle school student who helped his father copy the manuscript wrote eight large characters on the last page he copied: "The mountains and rivers are broken, what's the use of copying this?!" My father stared at the stack of manuscripts for a long time, and asked me Auntie: "Am I wrong?" Auntie Wan'er said tearfully, "What can we do?" My father and Aunt Wan'er took me and this question and boarded the passenger ship back to Nanyang.In order to avoid the harassment of the Devil's plane, the passenger ship weighed anchor at night.Neither grandpa nor grandma went to the pier to see them off.Grandpa huddled in the hermitage, looked at the corner of the wall and said: "You go, don't forget about me and your mother, you still have a long way to go!" When I walked out of the mulberry garden, I saw my grandpa lying on the gap in the earth wall and looking at me and me. Father, tears were rolling down from his dry eye sockets. Grandma and the yellow dog have been sending us to the peach tree at the head of the village.It was an old peach tree that no longer bears fruit.The tears of the peach tree are also old, and there are sticky pieces of peach gum hanging on the trunk.My father said that when he went to school in other places when he was a child, grandma stood under this peach tree, wiping tears with the back of her hand, and watched him go away for a long time.Grandma stopped under the peach tree again, and asked me again, wiping away tears with the back of her hand, "Baby, did you remember the little song Grandma taught you last night?" I opened my mouth and started crying.However, I remembered the nursery rhymes my grandma taught me: Where is the baby?Zhang An'er's baby. What are you doing?Pinch the mulberry branch. What does milk do?Spin cotton. What do dogs do?The dog looks after the house. What are chickens doing?Hugged a litter of chicks. Good baby, good baby, come back soon, Don't wait for the grass to sprout on the grave.  The yellow dog heard the nursery rhyme in my heart, put up its front legs and squatted down, looked at me silently, and stopped jumping. Grandma covered her nose with her scarf again, looked at her father and said, "Congba, I dreamed that the spinning floats fell apart!" The father said with tears: "Mother, don't think about it, you must wait until I come back next time!" Neither grandma nor grandpa waited until our next return.Two years later, grandma and grandpa were like two oil lamps that had run out of oil, flickered once, and then went out forever.Grandpa followed grandma.I heard that before Grandpa left, he smoked opium and owed the Wei family "Donkey Roller".The ghost of the Wei family jumped in from the gap in the earthen wall, pinched Grandpa's finger and pressed his fingerprints on the "Mulberry Garden Repayment of Debt" document.Some people also said that before Grandpa took his last puff of opium, a big palm stretched out from under the low bed.Grandpa spit out a big smoke bubble into the big palm, and the big palm took Grandpa and Sang Yuan into the palm of his hand and took them back.That was the palm of an ancestor of the Wei family. I remember that when my father and I walked from the village to the river, my father took off his glasses frequently and wiped the corners of his eyes with a handkerchief.On the embankment, my father and I turned around and stood, looking at grandma and the yellow dog lying next to grandma from a distance.A scorching hot wind was blowing across the July fields.A white air current churned across the field.Under the tall green wall of the forest protecting the village, grandma looked even thinner, like a grass shivering in the wind.On the wharf on the other side of the Baihe River, Aunt Wan'er stands tall and graceful, as delicate and beautiful as a flower. When grandma and grandpa passed away, my father was writing his "New Essay on Literature" on the other side of the war.My father wept bitterly when he returned to Henan, and asked me: "Did you know? Grandpa is gone, grandma is gone, and the mulberry field is gone. Only the moon on the mulberry tree is left!" Chapter 〓 push the boat backwards ?Outside the volume? push the boat backward 1. The bell on the grave I remember that when I woke up on the newly laid passenger ship, the moon had risen behind me, hanging on the dome of the cabin and following the ship.My father and Aunt Wan'er sat side by side in the stern, looking at the distant hometown, whispering words that I couldn't understand.The father said: "Little sister, only you and I know that nothing happened, so nothing started. However, as soon as the passenger ship lands, we will say 'goodbye'!" Aunt Wan'er leaned her head on her father. shoulders.I heard Aunt Wan'er weeping. When we returned to Nanyang, there was a commotion in Aunt Wan'er's house. Aunt Wan'er's father is anxiously looking for the missing manuscript.His in-laws came to ask for help again: "Too bad, Miss Wan eloped with a professor and took a piano!" When Aunt Wan'er's father heard this, his eyes widened.The in-law said again: "I sent a 'missing notice' to the newspaper office, and it will be published in the newspaper tomorrow!" Aunt Wan'er's father said angrily, "Put it in the newspaper! Aren't you exposing your family's ugliness?" The in-law said: "Then what do you say? You lost my daughter-in-law who didn't get married, and you just pay me!" The two old men were quarreling, but my father walked into the living room calmly, gracefully, and even a little righteously, and sent the intact manuscript back to the house together with Aunt Wan'er, who was also intact, and told him Collected from "Biannengwa" and recorded by Aunt Wan'er using numbered notation and staves respectively, the precious tune "Pushing the Boat Backwards" was presented as a gift. Aunt Wan'er's father saw that the manuscript was intact, and took "Inverting the Boat" with both hands. He looked at my father in surprise, turned angry and said, "Misunderstanding, a big misunderstanding! This "Inverting the Boat" "Pushing the Boat" is what I have been searching through my iron shoes for most of my life, but I can't find it! The little girl followed her husband to find this song card, and gave it to me as a generous gift. It can be said that it is a wish of heaven, and I am lucky to meet a bosom friend!" He immediately set up a banquet with wine, and asked Miss Wan'er to play "Pushing the Boat Backwards" on the guzheng. It is a song that represents sailing against the current and fighting against fate.Aunt Wan'er played the kite sadly, and her sadness came from it. For a while, the sound of water, waves, and wind and rain, accompanied by the sky and the mourning, hovered and lingered in the living room, rushing towards the sky.Aunt Wan'er's old father was so impressed that he was fascinated by it.At the end of the song, Aunt Wan'er hid her face and left, crying uncontrollably. Aunt Wan'er's future husband is the old shopkeeper of Shanhuo. He stretched out his fingers suspiciously and touched the strings of the zither. The boiling water is bubbling and boiling, and even the zither strings are hot!" Uncle Wan'er said, "Stop filling the hot pot with firewood! Hurry up and tell the newspaper office, your 'seeking You must not post it. Besides, Wan'er hasn't been married yet, so she can't be considered as a member of your family!" The in-laws said in amazement: "What's wrong?" Wan'er's father said: "No, you go to the old man soon. Hekou told your eldest son to come back and marry Wan'er!" My father didn't see Aunt Wan'er coming out for a long time, so he got up and said goodbye to Aunt Wan'er's old father.The old man walked out of the living room with him holding hands, squinting at his in-laws and said, "Remember, what Wan'er plays is not 'Boiling Water and Boiling Pot', but "Pushing the Boat Upside Down". But I can't control it!"  I declared that I would eat the pancake rolled by Aunt Wan'er, which caused a conflict between my mother and father, and it also subsided.However, there is an air of uneasiness and foreboding in the tranquility.My mother seemed to be competing with that "pancake dripping with gravy", kneading the dough and chopping the scallions with all her might, and the oil pan squeaked, allowing me to eat the scallion pancakes that were burnt on the outside and soft on the inside.My mother glanced at my father with the whites of her eyes, and asked me incessantly: "The scallion pancakes baked by my mother are the best, right?" I lowered my head and didn't reply.I thought of Aunt Xue.Aunt Xue slept alone in a pile of loess in the suburbs.I knew that after we ate the scallion pancakes, we would leave her forever.I didn't finish my portion of scallion pancakes.My mother asked me without confidence: "What? Isn't the pancake baked by mom delicious?" I said, "I'm full, and I will leave my pancake for Aunt Xue to eat." Tears flowed down my mother's face, Lead me to the suburbs to visit Aunt Xue. On the way, my mother asked me to collect wild flowers on the banks of the Baihe River with her.Mother said, to pick morning glory, and when Aunt Xue was lonely, let the morning glory play the trumpet for her.Mother tied the morning glory into a bunch with a green vine, and a pair of silver bells collided with each other, making a jingle.I asked my mother to hide my scallion pancakes in the bell as well.At this time, my mother and I saw two figures swaying in front of Aunt Xue's grave from a distance. When we got closer, we recognized one of them was Aunt Wan'er.Aunt Wan'er was erecting a small tree with young leaves in the tree hole in front of the grave, and a man who looked like a servant was filling the tree hole with a shovel. I yelled, "Aunt Wan'er!" and ran towards her. Aunt Wan'er hugged me tightly, but when she saw my mother coming out of the bushes, she let go of me in panic. "Look," said the mother with a charming smile, "my son likes you so much too!" Aunt Wan'er blushed immediately, "Ah, Teacher Meng!" The mother seemed to be waving an invisible whip, "This little guy has been clamoring for pancakes since he came back from his hometown. It must be the pancake you rolled him with shredded pork. It must be a very delicious pancake." !" Aunt Wan'er was like a rabbit that had nowhere to escape, "Oh, it's like this... I sent some manuscripts to Mr. Zhang... the manuscripts collected by my father... Oh, yes, Banban is a cute child!" The mother's smile was still bright and moving, "It's so hard for you to go all the way to the countryside all by yourself in the chaos of war!" Aunt Wan'er's face turned red and white, white and red again, "The manuscript could have been handed over to Teacher Meng, but Mr. Zhang asked me to record the score dictated by the artist. The students dare not neglect." Mother exclaimed: "You must be a talented woman who records the score. In Kaifeng, I heard Mr. Zhang praise you non-stop! You played the guzheng at the Nanyang Association, didn't you? Everyone said 'this song It should only exist in the sky, but the world can hear it a few times.' It caused a great sensation!" Aunt Wan'er panicked and said, "Teacher Meng is laughing!" The mother changed her gentle gaze again, and asked in a low voice: "I heard that your wedding wine is about to be drunk, which young master is so lucky?" Aunt Wan'er bowed her head in silence, her eyes suddenly filled with tears, and she picked up the shovel to cultivate soil for the young tree. The mother panicked and said: "Oh, I'm sorry! I just heard people talk about it, and I didn't expect to make you sad!" "Miss Wan, it's time to go back," said the man who planted the tree. Aunt Wan'er ignored him and cultivated soil around the roots of the tree. The man said: "If you don't go back, the old man will worry again!" Aunt Wan'er bowed to the grave bag in a daze, and said to her mother, "Mr. Meng, I have to go." The mother said: "We are leaving too. We are going to Zhangji, the inner city." The mother looked at Aunt Wan'er who was leaving in a hurry, and said, "Sister Wan'er, wait!..." Aunt Wan'er stopped in shock. Mother said: "I don't blame you, I really don't blame you!" Aunt Wan'er burst into tears again, "Thank you, Teacher Meng, thank you! I know that you are a kind-hearted and noble person, really... I know!" The mother said, "Xiao Wan'er, go away!" Aunt Wan'er said: "Thank you, Teacher Meng, thank you..." When my mother put a bouquet of morning glory in front of Aunt Xue's grave, she wept and said, "Little sister, have you seen it? Women have women's troubles! But you...you haven't even got your troubles..." I couldn't understand what my mother said to Aunt Wan'er and Aunt Xue.The morning glory on the tomb understands.The trumpet flowers whined, blowing their icy fragrance on Aunt Xue's face. 2. Garden of Eden H University, which was in exile in Nanyang, did not start classes. An exile high school found a school building in Zhangji, Neixiang County under the rule of Nanyang, and hired his father to teach.We arrived at Zhangji.Father's mood fell again. He wrapped a large stack of manuscripts with a piece of oilcloth, including the "Pushing the Boat Backwards", put them in a broken suitcase, and locked the suitcase with a "click". My father started to walk around in the broken tile house we rented, and knocked over a three-legged square table. He looked at the square table and said, "In China today, there is really no room for a desk!" He replaced it with a pile of adobes. propped up the square table, and wrote handouts on this square table, but found that there were not enough books, and went out with an umbrella to borrow books from several exile middle schools near Zhangji, but always showed fatigue He returned empty-handed with an unbearable look, and said: "Today, in the Central Plains, there is no decent library!" He took out the thick book that I had flipped through many times from the broken suitcase, and read it for a long time. Aunt Wan'er's photo.At that time, my mother carried my younger brother to the market to buy vegetables, and my older brother and older sister also went to school.Only one hen clucked and led a group of chicks to look for food at the father's feet. They couldn't figure out the meaning of his father's reading. I believe that my father decided to send me to "kindergarten" because he found out that I peeked at his tearful reading and felt embarrassed.That was the "kindergarten" run by the exile high school for the children of teachers and workers, which is today's "kindergarten". It is located in a large tile-roofed house inside the gate of the exile high school.年轻漂亮的幼儿教师小李姨收下我的第一天就悄悄问我：“你爸和你妈还吵架吗？”我说：“你爸和你妈才吵架！”小李姨就“哽儿”地笑着说：“对，对，全世界有几个爸妈不吵架！” 但我必须承认，是这位名字叫燕子的小李姨首先开发了我的智力，让我充当了她的信使，而且得到了价值不菲的酬谢。小李姨的小桌子底下有一个小砂锅。她掀开砂锅上的盖子，取出一个茶叶蛋，为我剥光了蛋壳，等我吃了茶叶蛋，再拿出一只用纸折叠的小“燕子”，把“燕子”藏在我内衣兜里，让我把它送给流亡高中一个名叫何杰的男生。她每一次都要不厌其烦地叮嘱我，除了何杰，不许任何人拿走或是发现这只“燕子”，又指着小砂锅说，还有一个茶叶蛋等着我回来吃它呢！我便用手掌捂着“燕子”，开始向第二个茶叶蛋发起冲刺。 我接连得到了十多个茶叶蛋的犒劳之后，小李姨和何杰变成了公开的爱侣。我也从此失去了信使的差事，同时失去了吃茶叶蛋的幸运。使我聊以自慰的是，小李姨给了我一个在橡皮上刻出来的图章，说这是何杰给我的奖赏，蘸了印泥，向我手背上一按，手背上就显出几个油腻腻的红字，小李姨嘻嘻笑着念给我听：“信使斑斑之印”。那是一个名副其实的“橡皮图章”，我把它收藏在文具盒里。姐姐写作业时需要涂抹，就恢复了橡皮本来的用途。待我夺回橡皮大印时，“信使斑斑”已面目全非。我曾为“失去自我”而哭泣。 父亲好像与我感到了同样的失落。夕阳西下时，他时常牵着我如同牵着一只顺从的小狗，在屋后的大树林里散步。那一片树林被流亡学子们称为“流亡者的伊甸园”，绿阴深处弥漫着异乎寻常的神秘气氛，这里一双那里一对的“流亡情侣”在绿阴覆盖着的青草地上做出各种如醉如痴的模样，引起了张集土著居民饶有兴味的窥视。父亲总是牵着我的手绕开他们，用迷茫的眼神望着树梢上的云彩。 后来我计算过，父亲那一年三十三岁，母亲不过二十九岁。他们本应到树林里去，寻找属于父亲向我姥爷宣告过的“青草地”和“小星星”，还有成行的柞树，柞树下边能采到很好吃的蘑菇，甚至还有树枝上的木耳。但我想不起他们曾一起到树林里散步，只记得一个雨后的黄昏，母亲腰束围裙，手执锅铲，被油烟呛得流着眼泪，从厨房的窗口望出去，成双成对的少男少女正在树林里发出天堂里的笑声。母亲却露出感伤的表情，在围裙上擦着手说：“唉呀，年轻真好！” 正是那个雨后的黄昏，父亲照旧牵着我的手走进树林，在一条光滑水湿却没有泥泞缠脚的草径上小心迈步。林子深处传来一串儿车铃声。父亲就拉着我的手，急忙转移到一棵树下，让开了去路。属于何杰的自行车正向草径这边驶来。我认识这辆自行车，因为整个张集只有这一辆自行车。小李姨坐在自行车的前杠上如同被何杰拥在怀里，不时扭回脑袋与何杰完成一次次快速的亲吻，亲吻的声音“叭、叭”作响，如同点发的快枪。自行车却左摇右晃地失去了控制，小李姨一声尖叫，就连人带车滚翻在草径上。他俩抱在一起打滚儿，滚了一身烂泥仍大笑不止。 父亲却不合时宜地跳出来问：“摔着了吗？” 何杰连忙爬起来，鞠了一躬说：“没有关系，没有关系！” 小李姨毫不害羞地嬉笑着，“张先生，你不认识我了吗？” "You are……" “我是宛儿的表妹呀！” "what?" “宛儿姐的父亲是我舅哩，你在他府上吃酒那天，是我给你上的菜哩！”小李姨诡谲地眨了眨眼，“你知不知道，宛儿的母校迁到夏馆了，离这里很近。” “她……她在夏馆吗？” “她从家里逃婚出来，回母校当音乐教师……” 父亲的眼睛一亮，“啊，她真的挣脱了！” “没有哩！”小李姨说，“半路上，她又叫婆家人截回去，跟那个稽查科长完婚了，完婚后就去了老河口。她的女婿很会挣钱，把宛儿姐带走时，扎了喜彩的大船上还捎带着桐油，床板底下支着油篓。” 父亲默然无语。 “张先生，你给宛儿捎信儿吗？我也可以当信使哩！” “莫，莫，莫！”父亲说，“不必了。” 我后来知道，这个“莫，莫，莫”，是陆游《钗头凤》里的句子。 我发现，父亲不再打开那本厚书，却对母亲说：“过家常日子多好啊！”母亲说：“我早就呆在家里为这四个孩子当保姆了！”父亲说：“委屈你了！”母亲说：“你能安下心来吗？”父亲说：“怎么不能？”母亲说：“那就好。” 我们过了一段宁静而不乏快乐的日子。父亲按部就班地去学校上课，回来就忙着喂鸡，还当了鸡的医生，为受伤的鸡爪抹了红汞再贴上橡皮膏，给斗败了架的公鸡没了羽毛的脖子上敷绷酸软膏，再裹上纱布。我家的鸡就显得与众不同，使我想起打了败仗的伤兵。 父亲最关心的是八只母鸡，用我和哥哥、姐姐、还有尚在吃奶的弟弟的名字为母鸡命名，四个名字不够八只母鸡分配，每个名字下边又分出一号和二号，比如属于我的母鸡就叫“斑斑一号”和“斑斑二号”。父亲用粉笔在山墙上写了八只母鸡的名号，哪只鸡下了一个蛋，就在哪只鸡的名号下画上一道，画五道就成了一个“正”字。父亲画了满墙的“正”字，又仰脸望着山墙查数，然后对母亲说：“'正'字够用了。”母亲问：“你说啥？”父亲说：“我是说，孩子们的营养够用了。只是'斑斑一号'和'冉冉二号'表现不佳，斑斑和冉冉还要靠'瑟瑟二号'和'一号'提供营养。”母亲恍然大悟说：“那么，是不是杀了不在名册的大公鸡呢？”父亲说：“不，不，不可以的。你忘了吗？上次杀了一只公鸡，全体母鸡们一蹶不振，绝食三日，直到又有了这只大公鸡，才重新出现了盛唐景象呀！”母亲说：“是的，是的，世界历来是由公鸡主宰的。” 我常常怀念那一段与母鸡和营养有关的日子。如果没有一位身穿黑色罩衫的老人从南阳来访，我们和母鸡们的日子里还会日积月累着更多的“正”字。 那天我回来得很晚。因为小李姨要幼稚园的孩子排演一个就要在儿童节上演的“小白兔乖乖，把门儿开开！”我无论如何也不给狼外婆开门，这就耽误了一些时间，是小李姨让何杰骑车送我回家的。我一进门，就望见父亲与一位黑衣老人相对而坐，哥哥和姐姐都被挤到了一边。晚饭已经摆在三条腿的桌子上，大家却不动用筷子。黑衣老人的男低音正在破瓦房里轰鸣：“主啊，赐我精美饮食，赐我欢乐时光，赐我幸运聚会，仁慈遍及四方。主啊，请赐和平幸福，普照恩光！”父亲就跟他一起在胸前划着“十”字说：“阿门！”哥哥、姐姐却跟着瞎说：“亚门！” 母亲在厨房里没有听见黑衣老人的祈祷，她把邻人从墙豁口上支援过来的一盘猪头肉端上饭桌时，不知道这是天主赐给的“精美食物”，一连声地对天主表示不敬，“哎呀，这能吃不能吃呀，卫生不卫生呀！王牧师，实在抱歉，这都是临时凑起来的，实在委屈你了！”王牧师开始为天主辩护：“哪儿的话呀，你瞧，多么丰盛的晚宴！”他用筷子点着破桌上的盘盏，赞美并开始享用“精美食物”。它们多半来自母鸡的奉献，比如：煎鸡蛋、卤鸡蛋、鸡蛋羹、蛋花汤，最后端上来的是蛋炒小米饭。 王牧师刚刚完成了一次艰难的寻找。是父亲的母校燕京大学通过教会渠道找到了这位在南阳传教的牧师，又通过这位牧师在流亡南阳的学校中找到了父亲。他带来了燕京大学聘任父亲回国文系执教的聘书和一封词意恳切的邀请信。 王牧师离去后，父亲就望着母校的邀请信发呆，“北平沦陷了，我怎能钻到鬼子刺刀底下卖斯文呢！”母亲说：“燕大是美国教会办的嘛，鬼子与美国没有宣战，刺刀插不进'燕园'。”父亲不语。母亲又说：“我看还是要去，那里摆得下书桌，还有一个陪着你吃了不少烧饼的图书馆哩！”父亲说：“你和孩子们怎办？”母亲说：“艰苦抗战就是了！” 正是有了母亲的支持，父亲才作出了去燕大任教的决定。那时，姥爷已经从省城逃到了郾城。父亲把我们送到了姥爷身边的郾城，接着就打扮成教会的神职人员，穿过一大片沦陷区，钻进了北平的“燕园”。临行前，王牧师又用我听不明白的语言为父亲祈祷：“主啊，在征战喧声里，你睡主怀中，护你平安，醒来定能蒙福无边，直至'欲穿'的'望眼'，看见荣华金岸。阿门！” 3.蒙受羞辱的日子 一九四零年十月十日，是一个使我蒙受羞辱的日子。 我怀疑这一切与上帝有关。当我家迁徙到郾城、落脚在东后街一个没有树阴的大杂院里以后，总是不能按时收到父亲的薪水。母亲说，父亲的薪水要通过基督教会，穿越一大片沦陷区，才能从北平辗转传递过来。我十分敏锐地察觉，这件事是由上帝管着的。上帝没有忘记母亲对他所赐“精美饮食”的不敬，就在传递薪水上制造障碍，让我们的饮食乃至于穿衣都离开了“精美”。母亲却又把一切困苦瞒着姥爷。因此，我刚刚踏进城关模范小学的校门，就成了唯一没有穿上草绿色童子军制服的孩子。 偏偏又碰上中华民国的“双十”国庆节集会检阅。穿戴整齐的全校同学按班级排好了绿色方阵，我却穿着一身皱皱巴巴的黑衣黑裤闯进去，在一片碧绿的芳草地上增添了一滴刺眼的墨渍。训导主任刘大个儿一眼盯住了这滴墨渍，就揪着我的耳朵把我揪出了队列。我的耳朵被他最大限度地拉长了，使我想起了一只黑色的安格拉兔被拉长耳朵拖出绿色丛林的样子，就用手护着耳根大叫： “放开，你不能揪我的耳朵！” 刘大个儿大为惊讶，“你的耳朵为啥揪不得？” “我的耳朵没有错！” 他惊骇地打量着我，放开了我的耳朵，却向我的腿弯上踹了一脚，“那么，你给我跪下！”我双膝着地后又即刻像弹簧一样反弹起来，大叫：“你不能踢我的腿？” "Why?" “我的腿也没有错！” 刘大个儿用手指支起我的下巴，“你说，你错在哪里？” “我不该穿黑衣裳。” “好，你把你这身'黑皮'扒下来！” 我不能拒绝这个处罚，因为它来自我主动提供的一个确凿无疑的理由，只好顺从地把上衣扒下来，撂在地上。 他又指着我的汗衫儿，“脱呀！” 我又勇敢地脱了汗衫儿，把我的上身一览无余地裸露给几百双灼热发烫的眼睛。要有两大块值得炫耀的胸大肌就好了，可是我记得，我那时只有一张薄得透亮的皮囊，包着两排洗衣搓板样的“鸡肋”。 “脱呀！”他又指着我的裤子发出微笑。 那是我第一条打了补丁的黑色长裤，虽然与草绿色的童子军“灯笼裤”相去甚远，屁股和膝盖上的补丁却具有惹人注目的观赏性，那是母亲在一块与黑色相映成趣的米黄色破呢子上，用同一个圆规画出来的四个直径相等的圆。我十分珍惜这四个杰出的圆，依依不舍地脱了长裤，又小心把它折叠起来，放在我的脚背上。 只剩下一个皱皱巴巴的裤头了，但我听到了骇胆裂魂的第三个“脱呀！” 不满六周岁的我，已经预见到自己有可能成为一个顶天立地的男子汉，而且，自从我不穿开裆裤的那一天起，就十分深刻地意识到被封闭起来的地方是不可以等闲视之的。 “快给我脱！” 脊背上被击了一掌，我就打了个前栽。当我重新爬起来的时候，就下定了“赤条条来去无牵挂”的决心，噌地扯断了裤腰上的松紧带，裤头就“吐噜”一下滑落在脚背上。 我如同一条闪光发亮的白条鱼儿，神奇而无畏地直竖在操场上了。队列里的小女生都偏着脸，用手掌捂着各自的嘴，捂不住的笑声却如同水面上“哽儿哽儿”爆裂的气泡儿。那一定是最可怕的瘟疫“虎列拉”吐出来的气泡儿，在整个操场上迅速传染、蔓延，汇聚成翻江倒海的哄笑。笑声如黑色的浪花伸缩着无数条舌头，在我光溜溜一丝不挂的“胴体”上乱舐乱跳。 我认定，那是我今生乃至于来世都不可以须臾忘记的奇耻大辱。 刘大个儿把我扒下来的衣裳组合成人形，高挂在操场旁边的一棵浑身是刺儿的老槐树上。我看见一个只有空壳、没有脑袋的我，高吊在树枝上随风飘荡。 “站好！”刘大个儿用中指第二个关节叩打我的脑壳如扣打一个沉闷的葫芦，“啥时候你的家长把制服送来，啥时候叫你回去！”接着向绿方块发出口令：“立正！向右——转！齐步——走！” 草绿色的队伍排着整齐的方阵从我面前通过，我赤条条地立正，如一截剥了树皮的树桩。后来我曾多次怀着羞耻之心回忆当时的场景，竭力把自己想象成为一个将军正在检阅他的士兵。士兵们齐刷刷地扭着脖子向将军行注目礼的时候，将军却叠放着两个手掌，捂在他不愿示众的地方忸怩作态。我还如此深刻地记住了一九四零年十月十日的阳光，它以不合时令的燥热炙烤在我未曾见过世面的小肚皮上。一只小苍蝇没有响声地飞过来，恰到好处地落在我的鼻尖上，潇洒地翘起一条长腿，侍弄它美丽的翅膀。漫长的队列在有节奏的哨音中走上了大街，我才倏地从脚脖上提起裤头，开始了向东后街大杂院的逃亡。 我还是第一次发现，母亲会那样令人不寒而栗地发怒。她向我喝叫了一声：“不许哭！”她自己却替我流下了眼泪。母亲的腹部正因为有了我的第二个弟弟而隆起，连喘气都有些吃力。她给我穿上一套没有补丁的服装以后，就像一只气咻咻的母鹅领着她的鹅仔，步履蹒跚地来到了学校。操场就在学校旁边，那是一块空荡荡没有围墙的开阔地。母亲靠在检阅台的下边望着那株刺儿槐，只剩下一张空壳的我正如一面黑色的旗帜挂在刺儿槐的牙齿上猎猎作响。母亲的泪水又忽地涌出了眼眶。这时候，我感觉到了又一个弟弟在母腹中的躁动。母亲脸色煞白，身上发作了骇人的战栗。 高我一等的绿色恰在这时完成了盛大的检阅，排着三行纵队回到了操场。母亲要我指认了那位梳着分头而且抹了头油的训导主任，问道： “请问，是你揪着这个孩子的耳朵叫他下跪的吗？” 刘大个儿有力地点一下头，“不错！” “你还很有技巧地踢了孩子的腿，用你穿着硬头皮鞋的脚？” "good!" “你还才华横溢地让他扒光了衣裳罚站？” “不错！可是我要问，你想干什么？” “三天以前，我给你们训导处写过一封信，说明他暂时没有穿上童子军制服的原因。你本来可以通知家长，不让他参加检阅，甚至可以让他退学，而绝对不可以如此野蛮而又如此能干地体罚、戏弄、羞辱一个孩子！” 刘大个儿脸上有几颗豆粒样的麻子涨红了。 “那么，你想要怎么样？” “我只不过要告诉你，即使是一个最贫穷、最微不足道的孩子，也享有与生俱来的人身不受侵犯、人格不受侮辱的权力。” 刘大个儿像是望见一个奇迹似地望着我的母亲，怪笑说：“哈哈，领教了！请问，还有什么要讲的吗？” “我还要告诉你……”母亲平静地说，“我看到了一个戕害儿童的败类！” “你……你是什么人？” “我是一个母亲……” 母亲发作了临产的阵痛，一颗颗豆粒大的汗珠从她没有一点血色的脸上滚下来。母亲紧紧抓住我，捏疼了我的手，却不能移动脚步。多亏小姨领着一辆黄包车急急跑来，把母亲扶上车，就催车夫快跑，埋怨说：“你要把孩子生到操场上算咋着！” 刘大个儿在身后喊叫：“不就是一个难民嘛，有脾气找小日本儿发去！” 我和小姨跟在黄包车后边拚命奔跑。我知道，一位助产士一大早就挎着一个白色的箱子来到了我家，还有姥爷从乡下找来的一位保姆。她俩正为了寻找一个下落不明的产妇而魂飞胆丧。刚到家，我就听到了第二个弟弟一肚子委屈的啼哭。 当晚还有一个“国庆提灯会”。小姨为了让我拥有参加“提灯游行”的权力，给我套上了一身属于老舅的童子军制服。老舅是母亲最小的同父异母弟，与我同岁。我却认定老舅的制服不是我的制服，宁死不屈地不愿再到学校里去。母亲躺在产床上发脾气说：“你为什么不去？你是不是害怕那个训导主任？”我想说，我一点儿也不怕他揪耳朵，只是怕他叫我脱裤子。母亲不由我分说，就迫不及待地向我进行民主意识的启蒙：“你绝对不要怕他，你从小就必须学会，不要向任何强权表现丝毫的怯懦，懂吗？你要从他面前走过去，连眼珠也不要向他转一下，懂吗？”助产士用镊子夹着一块血淋淋的纱布，笑着对母亲说：“你不要乱说乱动，懂吗？”母亲说：“哦，对不起！”又偏过脸教导我说：“你要昂着头，走自己的路，让别人去说吧！懂吗？”我揩着眼泪、鼻涕，鸡叨米似地连连点头。若干年后我发现，这番话里藏着鲁迅先生的格言。我上了小学五年级时，母亲又送给我一本血红色封面的书，是鲁迅先生的。 但是，在我重新鼓起勇气、“昂着头，走自己的路”的那个晚上，出了家门才忽然发现，我所缺少的已经不是童子军制服而是一盏灯笼。全家人都在围着像小耗子一样浑身红丢丢的小弟团团打转，竟然没有一个人想起，我在“提灯会”上能够“昂起头，走自己的路”的前提，是必须有一盏灯笼。十四岁的小姨发现了这个失误，而且产生了奇妙的灵感，在一个纸字篓上用稀饭糊了白纸，在篓底的竹篾上缠了一截尖头向上的铁丝，插上了蜡烛，只有几分钟的功夫，我就拥有了一盏硕大无朋的白灯笼。 不幸，在五颜六色、千姿百态的“西瓜灯”、“蟠桃灯”、“白兔灯”、“鲤鱼灯”、“蛤蟆灯”、“宝塔灯”的行列里，我的“字纸篓”又成了全体同学的笑柄。我没有勇气眼珠不转一下地提着这样的灯笼在训导主任的鼻子底下走自己的路，不管他叫不叫我脱裤子。幸而领队的不是刘大个儿，是一位性情温柔的女级任老师。她夸说我这个灯笼个儿最大，而且“又白又胖”。我才多少有些不好意思地昂起脑袋，当了“提灯游行”的尾巴。 跟在所有灯笼的后边，我的“字纸篓”泪盈盈地发出惨白的光亮。在我们经过的每一条大街小巷，“字纸篓”都倍受世人瞩目，怪异的笑声如雷贯耳。到了十字街口，“字纸篓”被一盏骄傲的“鲤鱼灯”的尾巴扫了一下，蜡烛一歪，轰地燃着了纸篓。我就在一片哄笑声中撂下了一团火焰，像是挨了铳枪的兔子逃之夭夭。 我在一天的时间里蒙受了我来到世上以后的第一和第二个奇耻大辱。 我认定自己明天去上学时，再也没有勇气“昂起头，走自己的路”。 黑沉沉的夜，狗在吠叫。属于我的世界危机四伏。