Chapter 6 Show Dou 1 Year (4)

August 20 Today Tathagata Buddha came down to play cards with us, scraped eggs (meaning chatting), and discussed beauty experience with the master while playing. The elder brother scolded: "Can you tell me something else, you old raccoon!" Zilong asked Tathagata: "Buddha, can obtaining the scriptures really bring peace to the world?" "Of course... don't peek at my cards." "Are we the first to learn from the scriptures?" "no." "Then other people have learned from it, what are they doing now?" Tathagata sighed.Said: "A total of six groups of people learned Buddhist scriptures in five thousand years, all of which were arranged by me. But the results are completely different. You are the first group in China."

"Boss, there are also foreigners who learn from the scriptures, tell us quickly!" The master asked curiously.Tathagata put down the card and said deeply: "The first batch of people who learned the scriptures were the Germans. They worked hard and went through ninety-nine and eighty-one difficulties to get the scriptures back from me. After returning to China, they did not follow the scriptures to save sentient beings. , but took the scriptures to the National Academy of Sciences for research, and after half a year, they came to a research conclusion, saying that there was no scientific basis for what the scriptures said, so they put the scriptures aside."

Tathagata took a sip of tea, and then said: "The second batch is Russians, damn it! They only went halfway, so they exchanged the cassock and purple gold bowl I gave for vodka; I took back the scriptures, but gave them to my lover as a gift after returning to China; the fourth batch was Italians, they were too loose, and I don’t know where they went now, it is said that they were on vacation in Hawaii; The fifth group is Americans. They have only been away for two days, and they have to drive to get the scriptures. When they come to me, I don’t give it to them. They even get angry and say they want to sue me, but I just don’t give it. They laughed before leaving I said: "What's so great! We have plenty of money, but we are afraid that we won't be able to buy it; the last group is the Japanese. They have gone through hardships and hardships, and they have come to me. I gave them the scriptures, and they took the scriptures." Said that I hope I don’t pass it on to others. I was quite puzzled at the time, because they were able to endure hardships, and I let them go without asking. I found out later that after returning, they reprinted 100,000 copies of the scriptures and applied for The patents, plus the beautiful book covers, were all sold to the Americans..."

"Haha! It's really interesting. It seems that we are the ones to take the scriptures and save sentient beings!" The second senior brother said confidently. Tathagata frowned, and said to us earnestly: "At first I said that I wanted to find a group of Chinese to learn the scriptures, but the five hundred arhats disagreed desperately. Don't let me down as the bloody storm of scriptures has caused social turmoil." The master bowed, clasped his fists with both hands, smiled slightly at the Tathagata, and said, "Boss, don't worry. We are also unparalleled in the world based on our looks."

"Well, I have to leave quickly. I'm not here, and the five hundred arhats must be having a carnival again." September 1 I have a question that I can't figure out, and it has been lingering in my heart, that is, the elder brother looks so distorted, why do people still call him "Monkey King"?With this question in mind, today I interviewed the big brother. Depend on!interview! The elder brother combed the hair on his forehead back with his hands, and said happily: "I think back to the time when the male monkey had a feather fan and a scarf... He was majestic and handsome... He was known as handsome to the daily limit, suave and suave, and a bunch of pear blossoms crushed crabapples. .In a primate beauty pageant, I looked over the top, looked back with a smile, and won the championship. So I was given the nickname-Monkey King. I still clearly remember the scene of the final , when the host asked that beauty and wisdom can only be the same, which one would you choose? Most of the contestants chose beauty, but I chose wisdom, and finally won the championship. The host asked me why I chose wisdom? I said beauty and I Enough is enough, so I chose wisdom. Later, people gave me a nice nickname - Huaguo Zhizhi Monkey..." "Then why do everyone say that my uncle is more handsome than you?" Zilong asked the elder brother .

"What's so beautiful about him? He looks like a trouser top. Children, remember, the standard of measuring a person's beauty is whether he has golden hair and whether his face is nearly peach-shaped. Do you understand?" September 7 Today, a dick-like sphinx-headed bulge blocked my way. The sphinx-headed scorpion opened its teeth and claws, and said viciously: "#%·#￥%" I guessed for a long time, to the effect that only the correct answer to his question would let us pass, and the wrong answer would eat us. The master volunteered and said, "Apprentices, look at me!"

The sphinx with a bulging head laughed loudly and said: "The hemp room, the red curtain, there is a white fat man sleeping inside, what is it?" The master thought for a while and said carefully, "Is it a carrot?" "Haha, wrong!" "Where's the spatula?" "Wrong! Wrong!" The monster swallowed the master in one gulp. "Grandma's! Eat up the master! I'm going to fight him!" I picked up the dick and wanted to hit him, but the second brother stopped me and said, "I'm willing to bet and admit defeat, don't get too excited! I'll answer."

He said to which monster: "It must be an alien." "Ahh!" The monster swallowed the second senior brother again in one gulp. Big brother: "Spider spirit?" "Aww!" I replied, "Paramecium?" "Ahhh!" I was also swallowed into the monster's stomach, and our master and apprentice were reunited again, wow wow! There are so many people in the stomach of the sphinx with bulging bumps. "Hello! I just arrived! My name is Newton, welcome." "My name is Edison." "My name is Da Vinci." ... All the wrong answers were swallowed in, and now we are waiting for Zilong to come in too.

The master said, "I don't know if Zilong can bring the burden with him." "What are you doing now?" Second Senior Brother asked "I want to use a lower lash curler." I pour. Suddenly there was a "hula", and we were all spit out by the monster.Zilong said to everyone: "I got the answer right, everyone can go!" The elder brother picked up Zilong and patted his little butt, saying, "My boy, what did you answer?" "It's peanuts!" "Bage! This monster is so boring!" the second senior brother scolded. "Zilong, how did you let the monster spit us out?" I asked.

At this time, the sphinx-headed bulging monster wiped his mouth and said in pain: "This kid is too cruel, I don't know what to show in front of me, I vomited like this, I can't live." Xiao Zilong smiled and said, "It's nothing, it's just my second uncle's socks!" September 12 On the way, I heard someone say: "Hello, excuse me, I will take up your precious time, I will rob you!" I just saw the man brandishing a knife... The second senior brother said to the man: "You used to be a salesman, you used to use fruit knives, and your equipment is inferior to others! You have no future..."

The man ran away crying. September 18 My senior brother and I came back from subduing the demon and told everyone the process. The eldest brother said, "I almost let him slip away." I said: "It's not good for that stupid monster to turn into an elephant and hide among a group of rabbits..." The elder brother said: "Junior Brother Sha is so good, he found that elephant at a glance, and I aimed with my sharp eyes..." I said: "You can't, can't you tell an elephant from a group of rabbits?" The elder brother said: "Yes, isn't everyone like this? You just have a special function!" The second senior brother said: "It's over, he's not only color blind, but now he's form blind, and there's no cure for it!" So we did a lot of experiments on the big brother.For example, if you put a group of frogs together with the master and ask him to find the master, he always finds only one frog. But one experiment was successful. We put a handful of copper coins on the ground and asked him to find the one with the highest face value, and he found it without thinking. September 28 Recently, the second senior brother became fascinated by acupoint acupuncture, and today he practiced with the master again. Master: "Bajie, you are too outrageous! This is a crooked way, do you know? Stop practicing, go and buy an eyebrow pencil for me." The second senior brother: "If you don't practice, I will almost reach the highest level!" Master: "I warn you, if you continue to practice, I will fire you!" Second Senior Brother: "How dare you, if you provoke me, I'll hit your deathbed!" Master: "You can't do it wrong, you hit my death spot, and I'll fuck your ancestors!" Second Senior Brother: "Okay, I'll order!" Master: "Me!" Second senior brother: "How is it! You're done!" Master: "I suddenly have a strong desire to excrete..." Eldest brother: "Idiot! You hit his shit hole!" October 8 Today Zilong picked up an egg, and a cat jumped out of the egg.This kitten is very cute, but there is one thing different. There are two carapaces on the back of the kitten, just like scarabs. I guess there are wings under the carapace, but they can't be opened. Xiao Zilong liked this kitten very much, so he took it on the road, and gave it a nice name "Carapace Mi". October 15 Today we happened to meet a high-quality motorcycle exhibition in Bashu Kingdom. The exhibition hall was crowded with people and the atmosphere was warm. You can have a panoramic view of famous cars and beauties. At this time, I was attracted by a road racing car. It was bright red all over, and there were several eye-catching characters "Suzuki Thirteen Points" on the fuel tank.The introductory sign reads: "This is a talking locomotive..." Talking locomotive? Seeing my curiosity, the staff of the manufacturer said to me: "Master, if you are interested, you can push it out for a ride and experience its charm for yourself." My hands were itchy, so I pushed the car out, and as soon as I inserted the key, the motorcycle spoke: "Ouch, it hurts me so much, please take it easy. Alright, now press the red button on my head to activate...shit! I told you to press the red button, not the mole on my neck!  … Alright! Now please ride on me... Don't think about it, I let you ride, it doesn't mean that I am willing to ride with you...Damn it, your ass is really big!" "Can you stop being so wordy!" I said, shifted into first gear, and started off. "It's in first gear, the speed is not too fast, please pay attention to the road ahead, don't look left and right, the sun is shining today, the breeze is refreshing... It's really the best weather for riding a bike and playing handkerchief throwing games with children." "Shut up!" I stepped into second gear "It's the second gear now, the speed is okay. At this speed, it's very suitable to whistle to beautiful women while riding a bicycle! La... la... la... Hey! Dude, what's your name? Do you have a girlfriend? By the way, 'Am I good-looking?' "Shut up!" I stepped into third gear. "Now the third gear is a bit fast. Please pay attention to safety. Check if there are traffic police ahead. If so, please extend your index finger to say hello to them... Oh! By the way! You didn't forget to turn off the gas valve when you went out today Well... Are the screens closed? Keep out the mosquitoes!...Oh! shit! It's 60km/h now, I'm a little dizzy, please get me a vomit bag!" "Shut up!" I stepped into fourth gear and stepped up the gas pedal. "Oh! It's terrible! Please slow down! I'm so dizzy! . . . Help! What's your name? You're taking me there! I'm afraid! I'm going to throw up! Does anyone have motion sickness medicine? Mother! My son is not filial! The Blue Bridge will be broken today, and your old man will be sent to a white-haired man by a white-haired man!" "Shut up!" I couldn't take it anymore, stepped on the fifth gear, and stepped on the accelerator fiercely. "Please find a piece of cloth and blindfold me first! At such a fast speed, we are dead, please press the yellow button, and I will record my last words. Dear viewers, I died unjustly! Keep everything simple, just scatter my car ashes in the East China Sea..." Before it finished speaking, we encountered a small pit, and the car and I flew out. I can't stand it anymore! I fell so relieved! October 18 It's really interesting, if I guessed right, the two carapaces of the carapace have opened, and there are a pair of wings inside!It flies. The second brother said in amazement: "Yeah! This blind cat can fly!" "Bitch! Are you talking to the most handsome cat in the world like this?" Shelly Mimi actually spoke! "You can talk, are you still a little serious? You can talk about everything, and I'm used to it. Let's talk, talk." The master said. Zilong was very happy, the carapace flew around him. Zilong said to it, "You fly like an owl!" Chichi Mi said: "How can an owl have a better figure than me! Haha, come on, Brother Zilong, I will take you flying!" Chichimi actually pulled Zilong to fly into the sky. October 20 Fun facts about animals: 1.Have you ever seen a chicken with a chicken body and a sheep head?It not only looks exciting, but also has a distinctive cry.Doesn't the general rooster cry "Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh"? This sheep-headed rooster screams like this: "Baa-baa-baa-!" Please learn from it. 2.I remember an elephant once said to me: "My biggest worry is picking my nose." 3.I remember a happy little wild boar, twisting and singing: "Little wild boar, white and white, with two tusks! I love to eat radishes and green vegetables..." Damn it!Looking at others, the fangs can still "crack", so promising! 4.I have seen an ostrich playing hide and seek with a crab before.The ostrich said: "Whoever loses, let the other party step on it!" Crab: "Cut, how about it! Whoever loses, let the other party choke the neck, how about it?" ostrich:"……" Haha, the result can be imagined, the neck of the ostrich was pinched and the neck of the crab was not found yet! 5.Two flies are chatting.Lutou said: "If I win five million yuan, I will immediately take a Jetta taxi and buy a 29-inch Panda TV!" Ma Tou said: "You are very promising! If I win five million, I will raise a head immediately and eat fresh food every day..." 6.A proud cockroach sang: "I don't shoot when it's time to shoot... I shoot randomly when I shouldn't shoot, yayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee with whoops...'" advertise Two hedgehogs are chatting together. A said: "I heard that Xiaolickian brand diet pills are good." B: "Yeah, I've been using it all the time, thanks to 'Little Lick Sweet' my figure is so devilish." A: "Damn! You're kidding me! You dare to be called a devil because of your figure, so I have to be called Li Yao." B: "To tell you the truth, I was a porcupine before I used 'Little Sweet Lick'." A: "Halo..." ——Anhui Hefei Xiaolick Sweet Pharmaceutical Co., Ltd. November 15 Today we came to a village surrounded by mountains and saw a group of people digging a mountain, very busy.The master stepped forward and asked an old man, "What is your name? Why are you digging this mountain?" "My name is really old, and this is my youngest son, really slow. We're going to level these two big mountains that get in the way!" "What kind of mountain is this?" "This one is called 'One Er Mountain! The one over there is called 'One Three De Mountain!" Shan said, "I'm in so much pain—" The master asked again: "Good name, the mountain is good, why do you want to level it?" "Because it blocked the road and brought great inconvenience to our life, we can only receive two channels when watching TV." "Oh! Ambitious, I support you spiritually!" said the elder brother. At this time, another old man came over and yelled at Guo Ran: "You are an old man! A sensationalist for that! You still want to be that in this village chief election! You still want to be successful with that! The mountain is so big, how could you do that! Don't tell me that idiot!" Sure enough, the old man said calmly: "Have you ever seen eggs? Chickens will lay eggs, and eggs will hatch chickens. If this continues, chickens will lay eggs, eggs will lay chickens, chickens will lay eggs, eggs will hatch eggs, and chickens will lay eggs." Eggs and eggs are inexhaustible! Besides, I am a handsome old man! One day I will level the mountain!" Shan said, "I'm afraid——" "You old egg! Why don't you go there!" The old man walked away sullenly. I asked Guo Ran: "Who is he? It seems that he has quite a big opinion on you!" "He is the wise old man in the village, his name is 'Guan Guo Ming'," said Guo Guo. "That's so clear (name)!" Second senior brother said with twinkling eyes, "However, old man, I still have a question!" "go ahead." "How do you deal with the earth and rock you dug out?" "Don't worry about this! I have piled up to the door of Guo Guoming's house!" The master asked Guo Guo again: "O Lao Guo! What changes will the leveling of the mountain bring to your life?" "The most important change is that the soy sauce can be made very quickly!" Sure enough, the old man said excitedly. "?" "Only in the village behind this mountain can we get soy sauce. Every time I ask my son to make soy sauce, it takes him half a month." "No way, it takes half a month to climb a mountain?" "Oh, master doesn't know. My dead son has been slow since he was a child. It takes a day and a night to cross the mountain, and it takes fourteen days to get money out of his pocket. Do you think I can stop digging the mountain?" "Who can be slower than him!" The elder brother looked up and sighed. No wonder he barked really slowly. Sure enough, he kept shouting, "Slow man, pour some tea for the guests!" The master said: "You are too polite, we are not thirsty." Sure enough, he always said: "Don't worry, when he pours the water, you will definitely be thirsty." ... The mountain was unbearably dug, so I pinched the bottom of my trousers, tiptoed, and moved away by myself. To celebrate the completion, we each had a big bowl of soy sauce. November 25 I saw a beautiful woman on the road today, but she was a little dark. So we discussed. The master said, "She's not too dark. I met a girl before. She looked like the whole city was blacked out. When it gets dark, you can't find anyone." The senior brother said, "It's nothing. It's nothing. There's a neighbor girl whose skin is darker than an orange." "Cut! You are colorblind, is the orange peel black?" The second senior brother scolded, "I met a girl fighting with someone, and the other party splashed a bottle of ink on her face and couldn't tell." Bai Longma said: "It's not bad. The girl I met felt dark in front of her eyes, and then she didn't know anything." Everyone said in admiration: "I've made you dizzy, okay, you're ruthless!" December 1 At night, we were lying in the tent, and Zilong suggested: "Let's sing to relieve boredom, and each of us sings a song that we are good at." "Good! Good!" The second senior brother was very excited. So Zilong first sang a song "Sing a Folk Song to the Buddha", the voice was clear and bright, echoing in the night. The elder brother said: "Singing a folk song to the Buddha is not as good as making a sesame seed cake for the Buddha to eat." Then the master sang "Little Duck", I sang "Love in BC", and Bai Longma sang "Slower, Horse". Finally, it was finally the turn of the second senior brother, he couldn't wait a long time ago, cleared his throat and said, "I'll sing a song "Deep Love, Rainy Rain" for everyone..." Before he finished speaking, the master interrupted The second senior brother said: "Okay! We will stop here tonight, everyone go to bed, we have to hurry tomorrow morning." The second senior brother "..." December 3 In the morning, Carapace caught a snake from nowhere, and the senior brother took the snake and hid it behind his back to scare the master. Walking in front of the master, the elder brother suddenly showed the snake in front of the master. "Oh my god! Snake!" The master exclaimed, unfortunately he was bitten by a snake. "The master is really smart, not only clearly called it a snake, but also called out what kind of snake it is... Yes, this snake is the one that eats people without spitting out bones but spitting out grape skins—'Oh my god Snake!" The elder brother threatened the master. The master was bitten by a snake, and when he heard what the elder brother said, he trembled with fear: "Will you die after being bitten by a snake?" "It's impossible to die, it's possible to die!" said the elder brother. "Oh! I won't die, so I don't worry. Alas, I sweated out of fear just now, and now I have to touch up my makeup..." The master said with a sigh of relief. "Master, death is worse than death! You sit down quickly, otherwise the poison will flow to the heart and it will not be fun." The second senior brother said. "Then what should I do, Wukong, quickly save me as a teacher!" "There is an antidote, but I'm afraid the master won't be able to bear it." "Say it quickly, I dare to take no matter how bitter the medicine is!" "Now there is only one way, let Bajie inject his fresh breath into your body, so that you can fight poison with poison, and you will be saved." "Then I would rather die... Sigh! I can't help it, it's better to live... Bajie, come on!" The second senior brother and the master kissed each other. "I want you to give me a breath, why are you sticking the note in? You're looking for death!" ... December 5 When everyone wakes up in the morning. The senior brother said: "Last night I didn't sleep well, I always dreamed of climbing mountains, and my feet were always empty. Every time I kicked, I woke up. Now I am so tired!" "Don't talk about it, you can see what happened by looking at the footprints on the master's face." Zilong said. "Amitabha, every time Wukong kicks my left cheek, I will stick out my right cheek to him..." "You heard me, this is called a realm, everyone applaud!" said the second senior brother. December 8 Today, our group came to a remote small village. The village is surrounded by water on three sides, and one side faces shit. Oh, let me explain, the mountain is named "shit" mountain because it looks like a pile of shit. When I came to the village, I saw a village girl crying in the street. The carapace flew over and said to the village girl: "You are such a cry, go to Nanjing, Nanjing, don't be such a cry..." "Carapace Mimi, she is so sad, don't use nursery rhymes to stimulate her." The second senior brother said. "My husband and others ran away, it was all forced by our water god!" the village girl cried. "Could it be that the Water God Empress has taken a fancy to your husband?" the master asked. "It's a long story. I used to be the servant girl of the Goddess of Water, a beautiful snail girl. Once I went out to play in the palace and was caught by a man who cast a net. The man didn't eat me and kept me in his fish tank. .Later I used broken insoles and rotten socks to transform a table of delicious food, and he still ate it with gusto. Later, when I transformed into a human form, he found out. Later, we were both talented and beautiful. Who would have thought that the Goddess of Water would be very angry when she found out that I had registered my marriage with a mortal, and sent prawns, crabs and other monsters to arrest me, and if I refused, they took my husband away." "This dead mother-in-law really pissed me off. As the saying goes, it's better to tear down a marriage than a temple. Sorry, it's the other way around... In short, four words—it doesn't make sense!" The second senior brother said, "It's only three words." The big brother said, "Oh! It should be four words—'It doesn't make sense!" ... The village girl took us to her house to rest and help her find a way.Before she finished her cup of tea, her husband came back. The couple reunited after a broken mirror, needless to say about the lingering energy. "Why did the Goddess of Water let you back so soon?" the master asked the man. "I was taken to the Water God Palace by them. The Water God Empress pointed to a pile of treasures and said that if I don't marry a beautiful girl with snails as my wife, these will belong to me. In the end, I chose all of them; then the Water Goddess somehow let me go, and I didn't take anything away." "You rotten person, why did the Water Goddess let such a bitch go?" The second senior brother said angrily. The man said again: "I seem to remember that she said before I left, 'Damn girl, marry this kind of rotten person, torture you to death, there is no need for me to punish you!" "Honey, what are you going to do for me tonight?" "Fried escargot!" December 15 Although it was winter, the temperature was still very high in this land of Nanbi. It is difficult to sleep at night, because there are too many mosquitoes, and we are singing and dancing, and we are bruised.The second senior brother killed a mosquito, and was scolded all night by the master, the white-faced bald donkey, saying that monks cannot kill, so we scratched and scratched all night because of itching. At night, I was bitten so much that I couldn't sleep, so I discussed it with the senior brother and the second senior brother. "Since the master forbids killing, let's drive away the mosquitoes." The second senior brother said. "You idiot, if it can be driven away, is it still called a mosquito?" said the elder brother. I thought for a while and said, "Why don't we turn into mosquitoes, tell them to let us go, and find a fat pig to repay them in the future." "Isn't this just nonsense! Can mosquitoes listen to us?" said the second senior brother, "or lie to them, saying that the reduction of state-owned shares has stopped, and let them buy stocks quickly." "It's nonsense, stock mosquitoes are going to buy stocks, and those who don't trade stocks are still there." "Then tell them there's a sex dance over there." "Idiot, the blood suckers are all female mosquitoes!" In the end, everyone couldn't argue, so I adopted my method. The three of us turned into three handsome mosquitoes and flew to the master, who actually bit the master more than 20 mosquitoes. The dead bald donkey slept soundly, drooling freely. A mosquito biting blood saw me and said, "New here, have you paid the protection fee?" We nodded and said, "How does this bald donkey's blood taste?" "Shit! The taste is not as good as rotten duck egg water! Hey, that's weird, where did those three idiots go? That pig's blood is interesting." At this time, the elder brother had an idea and said to the mosquito: "I think it's a bit too cruel for us to bite people like this. It's fine to suck blood, and it makes them itchy unbearably. Can you be like me..." I saw that the senior brother also bit the master's arm, inserted the needle gently, pulled it out slowly after sucking the blood, and rubbed the needle twice gently with an alcohol cotton ball. yeah!This is definitely the most considerate and understanding mosquito I have ever seen! "Cut! What are you showing off! Isn't it just alcohol cotton balls! We also use it." The dead mosquito said. "Then why haven't we seen you use it?" I asked. "It's not that we don't use it, it's because Master Guanyin told us in advance that you are not allowed to use it, and you have to sprinkle this thing on..." When we saw it, we were all stupid. It turned out that the dead mosquito was holding a bottle of tickle powder in his hand. December 16 After several years of struggle between us and demons, I have summed up and explored a set of effective strategies: When the enemy advances, we retreat; when the enemy is stationed, we harass; when the enemy is tired, we fight; when the enemy is dead, we enjoy. If the enemy eats, I dance, if the enemy sleeps, I sing, if the enemy sings, I rely on, if the enemy dances, I bah! This must drive the monster crazy! December 17 The World Cup Soccer has begun!My second brother, Zilong and Bailongma are all die-hard fans.So, as long as there is a game, we designate a place to watch the broadcast. The master couldn't understand it at first, and threatened us with suicide all day long, but later he was infected by our atmosphere of watching football and our enthusiasm for football, so he stopped making trouble, and even brought the senior brother to study football. Today is the game between the Korean team and the German team. We are so absorbed in watching that we have no time to pay attention to Master and the others. At the beginning, the master and the elder brother were chatting: "Wukong, how much is a catty of Xiaoqingcai today?" "Master, do you think I will do such a boring thing as asking how much a catty of small green vegetables is? It seems to be three copper coins per catty, and a catty of green onions is spared!" "Wukong, guess what is the most ruthless move when two male sea turtles fight?" "Master, you are really boring. Didn't you see that I was catching lice in Mao Mao? Male sea turtles should be the most powerful when fighting with machine guns." "Wrong, it is to turn the opponent over." Still nobody paid any attention to them.They both leaned their heads to watch the game. Master: "Hey! What a lively game, that man in black looks very flat!...Wu Jing, do you think the goalkeeper can kick the ball into the opponent's goal with one kick?" I:"……" Big brother: "Oh! Such an active defense, such a sharp attack, such a clever coordination!...Zilong, which one is the Brazilian team?" Zi Long:"……" December 19 Passing by a flower garden, the flowers in the flower garden were in full bloom, competing for beauty, we sat on a big stone bar to rest. At this time, the master pointed to a caterpillar on the petal and shouted: "Look at this caterpillar." Everyone looked over, and the elder brother said disdainfully: "A caterpillar, what's all the fuss about!" "No, look carefully, it's very particular, and the hair on it is combed into threes and sevens!" said the master. "No way," said the second senior brother, leaning over to take a closer look, "Yo! It really is! It's too particular, even the hair on the nose is combed into threes and sevens!" Who would have thought that the caterpillar would say, "What are you looking at, I haven't seen a hair. The carapace flew over and asked, "Hello Caterpillar, can you play with me?" "No, I'm busy and looking for someone," said the Caterpillar. "Who are you looking for?" asked the master. "I'm looking for my little Tiantian. "Look for female caterpillars, they are everywhere!" said the second brother. "Who are you! You look so miserable! Go cool off!" Caterpillar said to the second senior brother. "Okay you dead caterpillar, watch me kick you to death with a slap in the face!" Second Senior Brother angrily said. "Warning! Don't call me a caterpillar, or I will kill you!" The caterpillar refused to be outdone. The master said: "Don't make noise! ​​Caterpillar, you are not a spirit, why do you talk?" The caterpillar said, "I just changed from a human to a caterpillar two days ago." "Why do you want to change from a human to a caterpillar? What's so good, you have to buy a few more pairs of shoes. "It's a long story—ah——(Ah, it's so long) Before I died, I was called Liang Shanbo. When I was in school, I met a girl named Zhu Yingtai. I wish my family rich and powerful, but I was assigned to the county after graduation. Work, his parents didn’t agree with us being together. Later, I fell in love and died of illness. Zhu Yingtai was married to a rich man by her parents. On the day of getting married, the wedding procession happened to pass by my grave. I ran to my grave and cried loudly. I was moved, so I opened the door and let her in. Wang asked us what we want to be reincarnated for? I said to be an elephant, but Zhu Yingtai disagreed. She said we should be an elephant in the next life. For beautiful and romantic butterflies that will never be separated. I thought about it and it was right. At least we can fly. How wonderful. So, Hades let us reincarnate. But who would have thought that before being a butterfly, we had such virtues. Yingtai also I don’t know where to go, the caterpillars are all the same, I’m afraid that she will run away with others, so I combed the hair into threes and sevens to highlight my personality, damn, who would have thought that there would be a few birds and insects the next day , Brushed brushed hair, curled hair curled hair, what's more, I shaved all my hair, but I look like a fool." Everyone was moved after listening to it, especially the second senior brother who cried the most. "Then let's help you find Zhu Yingtai! Does she have any characteristics?" Zilong asked. "It doesn't matter if you don't look for it. At worst, I'll marry the chicken at the door. At least people will drool when they see me. "You can't say that. If you quit, you will be taking advantage of others!" said the second senior brother. While speaking, another caterpillar crawled over. "Oh! Brother Liang, it wasn't you who dragged me to watch the cock crow just now, I'm so sorry, I will never leave you again!" "Yes, Darling, we'll be together forever!" The two caterpillars hugged each other despite stabbing each other with blood. Everyone applauded enthusiastically. "Brother Shanbo, I heard that we will spin silk to make cocoons soon, and we may have to be apart for a while." "What the fuck, I've thought about this a long time ago. When the time comes, we'll cocoon together, and we'll have two bedrooms and one living room. Living together won't be a distraction!" …… advertise Classmate A: "My mother's mobile phone can sing!" Classmate B: "What is this! My refrigerator can also sing!" Classmate C: "It's all a fart! My dad can also sing!" Classmate A and B: "Okay, count your father as ruthless!" ——Papa Papa Rental Company December 22 The weather is fine today, and the wind is warm. We are walking on the country road, and the mood is particularly lush! A little girl wearing a red hat appeared in front of us, holding a small bamboo basket in her hand, which seemed to be full of food. Master: "Little friend, what's your name? Where are you going?" The girl looked at us and said naively: "My name is Yuanyuan, and 'Yuan is the one with glutinous rice balls.' I'm going to my grandma's house to bring her delicious food, she's sick." "Where does your grandmother live? Is it far?" "Not far, just to the west." "Exactly, we are going west too, let's go together." The master carried Little Red Riding Hood onto the horse. "Master," said the eldest brother, "what are you going west for? Aren't we going south all the time?" Everyone pretended not to hear.Zilong and Little Red Riding Hood had a great time along the way. It arrived in a short while, and we followed Little Red Riding Hood into grandma's house. Sure enough, there was a person lying on the bed. Little Red Riding Hood happily ran over and called, "Grandma, grandma! Look what I brought you!" "Hey! It's Little Red Riding Hood. Grandma, I miss you so much. Oh! You brought a circus for grandma!" "Huh? Grandma, why did your voice change?" "I have a sore throat!" "Why did the mouth grow longer?" "Eating people's mouth is short, I didn't eat it, so it will grow naturally!" "Then why are your eyes red?" "I'm suffering from insomnia!" "Didn't I buy sleeping pills for you?" "Yeah, I used to be unable to sleep for those few days every month, but now it's good, I can fall asleep for those few days!" "You're not grandma! I never gave grandma sleeping pills! Where's grandma?" "Hahaha! I am a big bad wolf, babbling! Grandma has been mixed by me, now I want to mixi you!" A wolf jumped out of the bed and rushed towards Little Red Riding Hood. It was too late to say it, but it was so fast, the second senior brother passed by with a flying kick as quickly as he wiped his nose... It was too late to say it, but it was faster then, the big bad wolf shouted: "Slow down!" "Okay! You are amazing! I think it's bad luck! It's so frustrating, someone will disturb you as soon as you eat! Hey, grandma will give it back to you!" As he said that, Gray Wolf actually pulled his belly away.We rescued grandma, and the gray wolf pulled the belly back. "Oh, there is no need to mess around! I didn't digest it at all... Shit! The day before yesterday and yesterday, I was rescued by the hunter with a knife just after eating. Thanks to this zipper! You are satisfied, right? You guys are ruthless!" said the big bad wolf helplessly. "You can't blame others. Who made you like to swallow food whole? Bajie, you see, how bad it is for your health to swallow food whole!" 小红帽的外婆缓过劲来，说：“刚才我做针线活，好好的谁把灯关了？害我一包针都撒啦！” 大灰狼：“……” 12月25日 没想到我们来到了喜马拉雅山脉。 “悟净，面前的这座雄伟而不失恬静的大山叫什么名字？” “师傅，地图上说这座山就是世界的房顶，人见人爱的——祖母老妈妈峰。我们必须翻过它才能向西走。” “山上好多雪啊，八戒，把为师的雪地鞋拿来。” 我们开始向上攀登，“呼呼……悟空，我怎么喘不过气来啊？”师傅喘着粗气说。 “能怪谁呢？谁让你平时吃饭总用筷子呢？”大师兄说。 “天还没黑怎么就有人说梦话了啊！但凡是个生物也不会说高山缺氧和吃饭用筷子有关系。”二师兄嘲笑他说。 “怎么会这么冷啊，我都穿两件皮袄了啊！”师傅说。 “身体太虚了吧，你瞧人家二师兄，只穿衬衫，像没事似的。”我说。 “是只穿衬衫啊！不过穿了多少件有待大家研究，子龙，去数一数八戒身上的衬衫。”大师兄说。 子龙：“一，二，三……七十八，七十九……一百二十九……” ... 终于登上了山顶，看见一位老人穿一身大红颜色衣服，赶着一架鹿拉的雪橇从我们身旁经过，“嗨！圣诞快乐！”老人喊。 “你个老红帽，敢叫我们是'剩蛋！小心我一拳踩死你！”大师兄怒道。 “大叔，你误会啦！他是圣诞老人，专门在圣诞节这天给孩子们送礼物的。”子龙说。 “送礼物？免费的吗？” "Yes!" “真是个老有所乐，老有所为的糟老头啊！” “我们只要今晚睡前把袜子挂在床边，并把自己想要得到的礼物写在纸上放进袜子里，明天早上我们就会得到圣诞老人送我们的那个礼物啦！” 入夜，我把袜子放在床头，里面的纸上写着我最想要的东东——玩具救火车。 唉，激动得睡不着，我悄悄起床，想看看他们几个都想要些什么。 师傅：瘦腹按摩器一台（要带十六颗磁石的哦！） 白龙马：青草料一车。 子龙：《十万个为什么》一套。 甲壳咪：飞行雷达一个。 大师兄：《恐怖原始龙危机之第二PS光碟》一张（什么东东？没有文化不知道害怕啊！） 二师兄：食物、睡觉。 December 26 今天早晨我得到了心爱的玩具救火车，师傅也有了一台带十六颗健康磁石的健腹按摩器，子龙得到一套《十万个为什么》，甲壳咪拿到了飞行雷达，白龙马也有了一车草料…… 咦——谁在哭？ Oh!是大师兄和二师兄坐在旁边伤心呢，原来他们都没得到礼物，圣诞老人却给他们留下了字条。 大师兄的字条写着： 亲爱的悟空小朋友，你果真是没有知识恬不知耻啊！ What did you write?我实在看不明白，抱歉，等你学好了文化再说吧。 ——圣诞老骑士 二师兄的： 亲爱的八戒小朋友，我实在是没有胆量去翻你的袜子——臭得能把蛆熏死！ ——圣诞老嬉皮