Chapter 22 Life loses moisture and sunshine

Many times, he just stood on the sidelines and watched at the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and most of the time, it was just a kind of watch.This kind of watch became a part of his life in the most lost days, and most of the time, he got nothing and returned empty-handed. Zhang Weiping's life after returning to the city was very boring, like a sorghum growing in the field, suddenly lost moisture and sunlight, and looked listless. His work unit is an organ of the Provincial Construction Committee. There are four or five desks in the office of each office. Behind each desk are people with different looks but similar expressions. These people are collectively referred to as organ cadres. .Zhang Weiping is naturally one of these people.Zhang Weiping walked into the office building at eight o'clock in the morning and left at five o'clock in the evening, day after day, this was his job.After a few months, Zhang Weiping's face turned pale, the kind of lifeless paleness, and his voice became softer, unlike when he was in the countryside, no matter whether he was facing a loudspeaker or some people in the audience Farmers all need his high-pitched voice. In the countryside where the sky is high and the land is vast, his loud and clear voice is needed. At that time, he is full of fun and passion.

Unexpectedly, he returned to the city after going around like this. The countryside did not belong to him, he belonged to the city, and he could only live in the city. After he returned to the city, he once had a conversation with his father. At that time, he had just returned to the city and had not yet reported to the construction committee.His father, Deputy Commander Zhang, is about to retire, and his father has been depressed and feeling lost for a while.So my father is very nostalgic. My father in his sixties has reached the age of nostalgia. My father said: You, you shouldn’t have come back from the countryside. You won’t be allowed to be a cadre, so you can just be a farmer. What’s the big deal.Farmers are so good, they don’t need to retire, as long as they have a little strength, they can plant and hoe the fields, and finally die in the fields, that’s how people live.

When my father mentioned the countryside, his face showed an extremely complicated expression, with yearning, love, and of course happiness, but now it was more of a kind of helplessness.My father left the countryside when he was a teenager, and then fought for decades. His father’s war at that time was that the countryside encircled the city, and he had been dealing with the countryside. At that time, most of the backbone of the army were farmers. Deal with farmers in the countryside.Even when the troops entered the city, he managed the troops in the days when there was no battle to fight. Relatively speaking, he also lived in a semi-closed army compound.What is a soldier? It's a group of people with mud legs turned over to be the masters of the family, so my father seems to be very lively and comfortable living among these people.Now my father is about to leave the group, and he is doomed to live the life of a straggler.Father finally felt lost, a feeling of helplessness, and there were many anxious things in his father's eyes.

In fact, my father is only in his sixties. His understanding of life is that the sixties are the most mature and glorious time in life. At this time, his retirement report was sent to the Military Commission, and he waited for a paper order, and truly retired. The father's mood at this time is exactly the same as that of his son Zhang Weiping, both of which have the meaning of being abandoned by life.Why doesn't Zhang Weiping want to take root in the vast countryside and show his youth.It was the real situation that made him lose such an opportunity. He nostalgic for the days when he grew up as a company commander of the brigade militia, and his beautiful and sincere first love in the countryside.Those days made him unforgettable.

Perhaps he inherited many restless genes from his father. His father threw away the bullwhip at the age of thirteen and joined the revolutionary ranks. At that time, his father must have been full of passion and yearning.He left school at the age of sixteen, resolutely going to Vietnam to support the Vietnamese people in their guerrilla warfare against the United States. Of course he failed, he had to go to the countryside.His heart was still burning with youthful pride. Just as he was playing triumphant songs all the way and running towards his ideal, he suddenly found that the road ahead was broken, and he could only find another way out.

In the days of working in the agency, he found the rhythm of life, but he couldn't find himself. He could only spend his body in the small office, answering the phone, filling out various forms, and then everyone gathered together for endless meetings As soon as he left the office, he forgot all the content of the meeting, only the scene of the meeting was left, what kind of scene was that, drinking tea, reading newspapers, whispering to each other, and holding a notebook Doodling.He knew that everyone didn't put their minds on this kind of meeting, and they all spent the eight hours at work with their own thoughts.

Zhang Weiping lived in the office, and he felt out of breath. He was depressed and uncomfortable, and wished he could push open the window and yell something out of the window. Aunt Yu in the office has been sitting in the office for most of her life, and she has long been able to handle everything in the office with ease.Aunt Yu's sideburns have some gray hairs, and Aunt Yu's desk is facing Zhang Weiping's desk, and she faces Zhang Weiping countless times every day. Aunt Yu’s biggest hobby is knitting. At this time, the door of the office must be closed, and the wool is placed in the drawer. When knitting, the needles and threads are taken out of the drawer. When someone came in, or someone went to the office to do something, Aunt Yu put down her hands and shoved her stomach forward, and those woolen yarns were locked in the drawer without anyone noticing.

Aunt Yu is very agile when knitting, talking and working at the same time without delay.There are also unfolded materials and various agency reports on her desk. The pen is unscrewed and placed horizontally on the table. As long as she puts the woolen work in her hand, she immediately becomes an image of a hardworking worker. She is also an enthusiastic person. Not long after Zhang Weiping came to work in the agency, she got to know Zhang Weiping very well and knew Zhang Weiping's private life very well. She said: Xiaozhang, you are already in your twenties, why don’t you have a date? Let me tell you, no matter if you are a man or a woman, after passing through this village, there will be no such shop.

Zhang Weiping looked at Aunt Yu in front of him, staring at her blankly. Aunt Yu said again: I can tell if you have a date at a glance. You don’t even have a phone call, and you don’t rush home after get off work, and you don’t call outside. You still say you have a date? Aunt Yu doesn't rub the sand in her eyes. Aunt Yu also said: Xiaozhang, you are as old as my son. My son has been married for two years. I am about to have a grandson. Tomorrow I retired in 2010 and went home to hold my grandson.Look how good your qualifications are. My father is a high-ranking cadre in the army, and I am a party member and a cadre. You are now a deputy department. You became a deputy department when you were only in your twenties. , I'm going to retire, so I can enjoy a regular salary. You are much better than me. You must have a bright future in the future. It's definitely not a problem to be a director or bureau chief before retirement.

Hearing this, Zhang Weiping could only smile palely at Aunt Yu. Aunt Yu's enthusiasm was encouraged, and she immediately said, "Xiao Zhang, you have to trust me, and I will introduce you to a girlfriend in two days. Big, but it doesn't matter, the children of cadre families must have a common language. Zhang Weiping smiled noncommittally. Aunt Yu said again: "Look at you child, you are still embarrassed. There is no need to be embarrassed. It is already in the 1980s and the four modernizations are almost realized. You are still embarrassed. You are a good boy." After Aunt Yu said these words, Zhang Weiping forgot about it.Suddenly one day before leaving get off work, Aunt Yu mysteriously said to Zhang Weiping: "Xiao Zhang, don't rush to leave when you get off work, there is something good going on."

When it was time to get off work, everyone else had left, and only he and Aunt Yu were left in the office. He thought that Aunt Yu had something to say to him, so he waited.Aunt Yu looked at her watch unhurriedly, then put down the knitting in her hands, stood up, and said to Zhang Weiping mysteriously: "Wait a minute, I'll be back." Aunt Yu went out and came back soon, with a girl behind her.The girl was in her twenties, and she looked very pure. When she saw that Zhang Wei was still blushing, she asked Aunt Yu to sit down on a chair. She kept her head down and twisted her clothes with her hands. Horn, never wanting to lift his head up again. Aunt Yu said: Xiao Zhang, this is the person I introduced to you. Her surname is Wang, her name is Wang Juan, she works in the health department, and her parents are both cadres of the health department. After saying this, he said to Wang Juan: Xiaojuan, Xiaozhang is a good guy from our agency, don't miss this opportunity.I have introduced the situation to you, you guys talk about it, I will go first.After finishing speaking, he picked up his bag and walked up to Zhang Weiping. He patted Zhang Weiping's shoulder caressingly and said: You are a young man, take the initiative. After speaking, he smiled meaningfully, opened the door, and closed it heavily again. Aunt Yu's footsteps disappeared at the stairs. There were only two people left in the room at once, and it was only then that Zhang Weiping took a serious look at Wang Juan in front of him.When he saw Wang Juan for the first time, he didn't feel anything. When he looked carefully, he had a feeling of deja vu. He couldn't tell where he had seen her before. When he looked at Wang Juan again , Li Yaling's voice and smile appeared in front of his eyes.The Wang Juan in front of her was very similar to Li Yaling, not because of how much she looked like, but because of her expression and strength.I remember when he and Li Yaling were sitting in front of the fire in the office of Fangmagou Brigade, Li Yaling also looked like this, shy, blushing, but with watery eyes.At this moment, facing all this, Zhang Weiping felt as if he had passed away. Zhang Weiping didn't speak, and the girl seemed to have no intention of speaking. Zhang Weiping lit a cigarette and said, "Your name is Wang Juan?" Wang Juan nodded, her hands left the corner of her clothes, and her eyes looked at a certain corner of the ground. Zhang Weiping said again: Do you work in the Department of Health? Wang Juan nodded again. After asking these questions, Zhang Weiping seemed to have nothing to say, and looked at Wang Juan with empty eyes. Behind Wang Juan, the shadow of Li Yaling appeared in front of his eyes.That was his beautiful and pure first love, but all of this has disappeared. At this time, Wang Juan said: "Aunt Yu has introduced your situation, and I feel very good." After Wang Juan finished speaking, she glanced at him quickly.He had the feeling of being in the brigade's office again: two people were sitting by the fire, and the fire was redly reflecting their faces, but at this moment, it was not the fire but two tables that stood in front of them. empty road. He breathed out and said: Oh, I have been to the countryside and worked in the countryside for several years, and I just returned to the city not long ago. She said: I also went to the countryside and came back a year ago. He said: You have also been to the countryside, where are you? She said: In Panjin, a fishing village by the sea. As soon as the two of them talked about the countryside, they suddenly became more talkative, not as tense as before, and they both relaxed.When Zhang Weiping thinks of the countryside, he can't stop talking. From the conversation, Zhang Weiping knows that Wang Juan went to the countryside after graduating from high school. She stayed in the countryside for three years and finally returned to the city.When Wang Juan talked about the countryside, she also looked yearning. She recalled many details of their educated youth back then, all of which Zhang Weiping had come into contact with. Before I knew it, it was already dark outside, and when the two of them stopped, Wang Juan exclaimed: It's about time, I should go! The two walked out of Zhang Weiping's office and went to the street outside, where the lights were already dim. A bus came, and Wang Juan rushed to Zhang Weiping and said, "Goodbye!" and jumped into the bus in a hurry.The car drove away quickly.He stood under the stop sign and watched the bus go away. The appearance of Wang Juan reminded him of his first love.He thought that life had changed, and Li Yaling gradually faded away in his mind, but what he didn't expect was that with the appearance of Wang Juan, Li Yaling's shadow appeared in his mind more tenaciously. A certain temperament in Wang Juan matched Li Yaling's, which left a certain impression on Zhang Weiping.After such a long time, in fact, he has not forgotten Li Yaling. Reason tells him that Li Yaling has embarked on a road of no return, but in his heart, the rural Li Yaling still lives tenaciously in the deepest part of his heart, like a seed , has taken root, blossomed, and bore fruit in his heart.What was pulled out was only a branch, but the root in his heart was getting deeper and deeper.He tried to get these out of his mind completely, but all he got was pain. Many times, he subconsciously came to the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine. Those days were the days when Li Yaling was newly married. Her face was flushed, her expression was happy, and there was a satisfied smile on her face.He watched her from a distance behind the tree. He even followed her to the vegetable market secretly. When he saw her buying a piece of tofu and a bunch of vegetables, he instinctively told him that Li Yaling was married and had already lived.Li Yaling is already the image of an urbanite, and she haggles harshly with those farmers in the vegetable market.Li Yaling has learned and carried forward the demeanor of a little girl in the city without exception. She is more like a city person than a city girl. When Zhang Weiping watched Li Yaling hurried into the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine with vegetables, his gaze was stretched infinitely.In fact, as soon as Li Yaling entered the door and turned a corner, he was out of sight.Although Li Yaling disappeared from his sight, he still stood there, looking into the School of Traditional Chinese Medicine.Looking forward to Li Yaling coming out again.On the one hand, he knew that Li Yaling would not come out after buying groceries, and she would be busy inside and out like a housewife in an apron; on the other hand, he hoped to see her again. Many times, he just stood on the sidelines and watched at the gate of the College of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and most of the time, it was just a kind of watch.This kind of watch became a part of his life in the most lost days, and most of the time, he got nothing and returned empty-handed.When he did all this, it was completely subconscious. He couldn't explain how he got to the gate of the School of Traditional Chinese Medicine. From the Construction Committee to the School of Chinese Medicine, he needed to change cars. He got used to it, and this habit became a habit. kind of nature.Regardless of whether Li Yaling can be seen or not, as long as he watches in front of the School of Traditional Chinese Medicine, his daily life is complete.Sometimes when he left the college and rushed to the military compound, he realized the absurdity of his behavior, so he swore that he would not come next time.Li Yaling is no longer the former Li Yaling, she is someone else's wife now.He only found out about Li Yaling's marriage to Zhang Song later.One day when he was at work, he pretended to find someone to knock on the door of Zhang Song's office, and he immediately recognized that Zhang Song was the young teacher he met when he visited Li Yaling.That time, he backed out in a panic, and he couldn't tell what it was like to be cloudy or snowy in his heart. He himself feels that he is no worse than Zhang Song. Zhang Song is a typical intellectual image, thin and pale, with white chalk stains on his sleeves or somewhere on his clothes. Occupied Li Yaling's heart. Since then, he no longer came to the Chinese Medicine College, and he wanted to completely forget everything that had happened. But Wang Juan's inadvertent appearance reminded him of Li Yaling again.At this time, Zhang Weiping was somewhat trusting in his fate, and just like that, Wang Juan entered his life little by little. The next day, when he saw Aunt Yu again, Aunt Yu's eyes lit up, and she said to him mysteriously: "Xiao Zhang, how do you feel about Wang Juan? That girl has a good impression of you. I heard that you had a good chat yesterday." so late? Zhang Weiping just smiled. Aunt Yu said again: You are a young man, if you are satisfied, take the initiative, she is a girl after all. He still smiled. Whenever he thinks of Wang Juan, he thinks of Li Yaling. The two women flashed alternately in his mind, and sometimes he couldn't tell who was who.Although Aunt Yu said so, he had no intention of inviting Wang Juan, because reason told her that Wang Juan was Wang Juan, not Li Yaling. Two days later, he suddenly received a call from Wang Juan. She told him that her unit had issued movie tickets and asked him if he could go.His hand holding the microphone was trembling a little. He didn't expect Wang Juan to call him, let alone ask him out in this way.He was a little hesitant. He listened to Wang Juan whispering on the phone: Are you unwilling to see me? Wang Juan's tone was exactly the same as Li Yaling's. At this moment, Li Yaling's image appeared on his screen again. In front of him, it seemed that it was not Wang Juan but Li Yaling who was calling.So, he asked the time and place. While waiting for a date with Wang Juan, he was a little excited, even a little nervous.The movie was in the evening, and during the day's wait, he was in such a good mood that he even whistled in the office, which had never happened before. In the evening, he saw Wang Juan at the entrance of the cinema, and the cinema had begun to be filled in one after another. Wang Juan was standing in a conspicuous place under the lights with two pink movie tickets in her hand.The moment he saw Wang Juan, his heart suddenly became cold again. After all, Wang Juan was not Li Yaling, but he still walked over.Wang Juan also saw him, and raised the movie ticket in her hand, looking very happy. She said: Are you here? He smiled at her. She said: Let's go in then. He followed her into the cinema and found their seats. Only then did he realize that the front, back, left, and right seats were all from Wang Juan's work unit. They were naturally familiar with Wang Juan, and greeted Wang Juan at the same time. , while studying him very seriously.Needless to say, everyone understands his relationship with Wang Juan. He sat there feeling uncomfortable, and Wang Juan also blushed. She seemed to be afraid of his embarrassment, and she looked for something to say to him from time to time. She said: In the three years in the countryside, I have not been to a movie theater once. He said: Me too. She said: Those films shown in the countryside were all released in the city for a year before it was the turn of the countryside. He said: Yes. ... The opening bell rang, the lights dimmed, and then total darkness.Only then did he let out a breath, and his tense body relaxed. She sat next to him, calm and gentle, he could feel Wang Juan's body tilted to his side, and he could smell the feminine aura emanating from her body. A feeling of déjà vu.Li Yaling used to leave him with such aura from time to time. At that time, he was intoxicated and nostalgic. At this time, although things were different, there was something he hadn't seen for a long time and was familiar with.Their hands touched inadvertently, and she avoided it subconsciously. Their eyes were fixed on the screen, but their attention was on each other.Several times, Wang Juan beside him disappeared and was replaced by Li Yaling.At that moment, he was completely relaxed, and his heart was filled with great happiness, as if he had returned to the countryside. They were standing in the open air watching a movie, and he firmly held Li Yaling's hand.At this moment, Wang Juan's hand touched his hand inadvertently. He held Wang Juan's hand on impulse, and then never let go.Wang Juan finally leaned into his ear and said: You hurt me when you hugged me. Only then did he wake up, Wang Juan was beside him, not Li Yaling's hand, and he let go immediately, blushing for his gaffe.After a while, Wang Juan tentatively stretched out her hand again, but he never shook her hand again. When the movie ended, the sudden light brought him back to reality.He and Wang Juan came out of the cinema awkwardly, but she didn't say a word, and neither did he.The people around me are almost gone. She just said: Is the movie good? He nodded and answered: It's okay. In fact, he didn't look into it at all. While the two were talking, while walking forward, he suddenly remembered something and said: Where do you live?I see you off. She didn't say yes or no, and the two of them walked forward in silence.The street lights were not on, and the shadows of the two people stretched and shortened under the street lights for a while.He walked on the dirt road in the countryside, and he sent Li Yaling home under the cover of night. At that time, he always felt that the road was too short. back and forth.First love is beautiful and profound.With this feeling, he was completely relaxed.The steps of the two will be consistent, and the walking will be much more harmonious. Wang Juan was very close to him, about a dozen centimeters away, and their bodies touched each other subtly from time to time.A gust of wind blew, and her fluttering hair touched his face. She said: It's such a quiet night. Occasionally, a cyclist passed by them, rode a long way, and looked back at them. He didn't speak, but felt Wang Juan's presence all the time.When Li Yaling walked beside him before, she was so quiet. Sometimes they didn't say a word for a long time, just felt so silently. In front of a building, he stopped, and he also stood up, and the two stood facing each other. She said: I'm home. He looked at her, this sentence is so similar to what Li Yaling said, she said the same in front of Li Yaling's house, when Li Yaling's dog would come out warmly, but at this time, the dog is gone. She was not in a hurry to leave, and Li Yaling was the same way back then.She looked at him for a moment, then looked at her toes and said: What impression do you have of me, you haven't said yet. He came to his senses and took a serious look at her. Wang Juan was docile in the shadow of the lamp, like a willow branch swaying in the wind, so gentle from head to toe. He said: Ah, Xiao Wang, what do you think? He was three years older than her, which was what Aunt Yu said, so he called her Xiao Wang. He kicked the ball to Wang Juan again. Wang Juan unconsciously kicked the ground with her toes, how familiar he was with this action! Wang Juan lowered her head and said: Aunt Yu has told you all about your situation, and we have met.I, I think you are okay. He said: That's fine. She glanced at him quickly, then suddenly stuffed a piece of paper into his hand, then twisted her pretty body and ran towards the opening of the building door.It wasn't until her figure disappeared that he looked at the sweaty piece of paper, which had Wang Juan's office phone number and home phone number written on it. The light in a certain room upstairs turned on, presumably Wang Juan had arrived home, and he turned around and walked towards the bus stop.The little piece of paper has been pinched in his hand.He suddenly remembered a famous saying that he had read in some book before: If you want to heal the pain of losing a relationship, then you should fall in love. On that night, Zhang Weiping made up his mind to continue dating Wang Juan.